AS 48: Face Off: Saboteur and Action Saxton

[Ty Burna]

As Kingdom Come draws near, Saboteur and Action Saxton will meet face to face one final time before the epic conclusion to their war. After witnessing what they've done to each other on Ascension, this will be the first time that something can be absolutely gorgeous and brutally ugly to witness at the same time. Let's hope neither man has anything completely insane stored for each other as the show will probably go to the dogs.

Deadline is Tuesday, May 1st at 11:59 PM Central Time​

 

[The Doctor]

Signal Panic, Inc. presents:
Action Saxton
in
"A Normal Day At The Mall!"

The power of hunger is a curious thing. Cravings can pop up for any man at any time. They're rarely sensible. They're rarely convenient. They gnaw at your stomach and your mind until you have no choice but to give in or face persistent annoyance for the rest of your life. I myself once had a craving for Honey Buns that lasted a whole year, and when it was finally satisfied I had consumed my way through two whole boxes. Cravings can change history, cause grown men to weep and others to sing. They can make a rational individual act like a fool at the drop of a hat, all for that one instant of satisfaction.

It is the power of cravings that leads us to where we are today: The food court at the local mall. In the center of the poorly-wiped tables and uncomfortable chairs sits Action Saxton and his newly-acquired sidekick Garrett. In front of Action Saxton is a Taco Bell feast fit for a king: twelve Doritos Locos Tacos. Two orders of Nachos BellGrande topped with the filling of three Fresco Chicken Burrito Supremes. A pyramid of Crunchwrap Supremes. A Cheesy Bean & Rice Burrito on top of a Taco Salad. And of course, the finale, an order of Cinnamon Twists.

Action Saxton surveys his food with anticipation. He licks his lips and reaches towards the pile of Doritos Locos Tacos, taking one in each hand and chowing down.

"Damn, Garrett, these tacos are delicious!" he exclaims through a mouthful of cheesy-beefy-crunchy goodness.

Garrett glares at the pile of food with longing in his eyes.

"Is this the real reason we went to the mall?"

"Hell yes it is!" says Action Saxton, juggling his Crunchwraps. "Have you ever been so hungry it feels like some big mean sucka is punching you in the stomach lining over and over again with big spiked boxing gloves? And the only thing that would cover the spikes would be the delicious beefy-cheesy goodness of fake Mexican food? And the crunchy sweetness of Cinnamon Twists? Because that is exactly why we have come to this mall. I had a hunger like a drill to pierce the heavens and this was the only thing that'd sate it."

Garrett says nothing, looking grumpy as Action Saxton gets started on his Taco Salad. As the Badass Brother goes to take a sip of his freshly-squeezed lemonade, Garrett speaks up.

"Did the lemonade machine at the soft pretzel stand look a little off to you?"

"What do you mean, sucka?"

"Somehow, I don't think lemonade machines are supposed to have large black pipes sticking out of the lemonade."

Action Saxton stares hard, thinking about the large pipe in the lemonade machine. It stuck up about an inch from the sugary liquid and seemed to be made of a hard plastic or rubber material.

"What the hell are you talking about, sucka?" says Action Saxton, slowly turning towards Garett with an incredulous look in his eyes. "All lemonade machines have large pipes in them to make the lemonade extra-lemony. I have scientific backup, but I cannot explain right now because I have food to eat."

Action Saxton takes a large bite of burrito.

"So, Garrett, have I ever told you about the time I rode in a unicycle club with two bears, male and female?"

"No."

"Well, sucka, it's definitely one hell of a story. It was a dark and stormy night when I ran into them on the side of the road. They looked sad and soggy so I offered them a ride in my vintage 1960 Cadillac Coupe De Ville. We bonded on our road trip to Kansas, and became the best of friends. They taught me how to ride a unicycle and I taught them how to shuck and jive with the best of them. They later had to return to their home planet of Saturn but I will never forget what they taught me."

He finishes off his story and salad with a flourish and eyes the only thing left, the Cinnamon Twists, hungrily. He reaches towards them, a glint in his eye. Suddenly, his drink does a triple backflip and pours all over the Cinnamon Twists, ruining them forever. Action Saxton makes a loud exclamation and jumps backwards in his seat. He looks around frantically.

"Who the hell spilled my drink? Did you see, Garrett?"

"I didn't see anything," Garrett replies. He looks unnerved. Action Saxton glares at the mess before standing up.

"Garrett, get up!" he roars. "I am in a mean mood and I'm going to stomp around the mall until I feel better."

Garrett obediently stands up, and the two march out of the food court, past a man in an Easter Bunny outfit, and into the one-hour photography store. Garrett eyes the lush setup warily.

"What are we gonna do on the bed?"

"Family portraits!"

The two exit the store an hour later, their freshly-developed portraits in hand. Garrett is looking very dapper in the shot in a massive top hat and monocle, though the effect is ruined by his sour expression.

"Next up, we need to go to the pet store. There are some things I've been needing to pick up."

The two march through the entrance to PetLand, which is flanked by two Easter Bunnies. Garrett is distracted by adorable puppies as Action Saxton marches up to the front counter.

"Give me three penguins, sucka!"

The pimply youth at the register stares at his notes.

"Umm..." he mumbles. "Umm...I don't think we have penguins..."

"No penguins?" says Action Saxton in shock. "What the hell kind of pet shop doesn't have penguins?"

"Um..." mumbles the youth, flipping through his folder. "Um, we have chihuahas, and a parakeet... Do you want a parakeet?"

"Hell no I don't want a parakeet! I want a damn penguin!"

"Um, we don't have...penguins." the pimply youth mutters.

Action Saxton shivers in righteous indignation. He grabs Garrett by the wrist, pulling him away from the adorable fluffy animals, past the Easter Bunnies, and out the door. The two walk towards a balcony overlooking the first floor of the mall. On the first floor are a collection of Easter Bunnies huddled together in a group.

"Garrett..." says Action Saxton, pondering. "Have you noticed how many Easter Bunnies there are in this esablishment?"

Garrett thinks for a moment.

"No."

"And, Garrett, have you noticed that all these Easter Bunnies are in this mall are here despite it being far past Easter?"

Action Saxton points dramatically at Garrett.

"I have a theory that these Easter Bunny suckas ain't exactly what they seem. In fact, I think these suckas are actually undercover agents who want to carry out an evil scheme!"

Garrett looks worried, or it may be confused. Perhaps both. "How the heck do you figure that one?"

Action Saxton taps his forehead in response. "Years of adventures, sucka. Now let's follow one of them!"

Garrett groans. "But I hate adventure!"

But it's too late, as Action Saxton is already dragging him along, tailing one of the many suspicious-looking Easter Bunnies.

----

"Damn!" swears Action Saxton as he leaves Abercrombie & Fitch. "I thought for sure that would be where his secret hideout would be!"

Garrett sighs and shakes his head, looking resplendent in stylishly cut clothes. In fact, he looks like a smaller, less badass, white version of Action Saxton. "I still don't think the Easter Bunnies are that suspicious. The freak in the spandex manhandling the mannequins was, though."

"I have no idea what you are talking about, sucka. Being a professional, I always kept my eyes on the prize. You can't afford to get distracted in this kind of environment."

The duo follow the Easter Bunny down the aisle, trying their best not to attract any attention. Of course, this is hard when you're as good-looking as Action Saxton, but he's doing his best.

"What the hell is a Brookstone?" Action Saxton wonders aloud as he follows the suspicious Easter Bunny into the store. He stops in his tracks as he sees the walls lined from top-to-bottom with amazing gadgets and other bits and pieces. In the back of the store is a large tempurpedic mattress that looks incredibly comfortable. But there is no time to test it out as the Easter Bunny heads up to the cash register, holding a variety of suspicious items.

"See, sucka?" says Action Saxton, turning to Garrett. "What the hell would he need a fondue maker for if he wasn't up to no good. No one makes fondue! No one even knows what fondue is!"

Garrett looks unconvinced as the two continue to tail the suspicious Easter Bunny. They sneak two stores down, hiding behind plants as the bunny looks over its shoulders. It is acting very jumpy, which means that it must be reaching its destination.

The floppy-eared foe stops in front of the Hallmark Store. It looks around, furtively, and sure that no one is around to see it, disappears inside. Action Saxton leaps out from behind a potted plant and snaps his fingers in triumph.

"Aha!" he exclaims. "This is all the proof I needed, Garrett! What did I tell you? He had to have been up to no good, because nobody visits the Hallmark store! I don't even know what a Hallmark store is!"

"I don't think that's right..." replies Garrett, looking warily at the door.

"Of course it's right, sucka! I am Action Saxton and I am always right. Now follow me!"

Slowly, he pushes the door to the Hallmark store open. He shivers - not out of fear, but because of the cold wind blowing through the dark and abandoned greeting card aisles. It is clear that this store hasn't seen a genuine visitor since the Clinton administration. No humans walk here. Only rabbits. Suspicious rabbits doing suspicious things.

Action Saxton looks at Garrett. Garrett looks at Action Saxton. Action Saxton nods. Garrett gives a sort of noncommittal shrug. Together, they walk into the store. A tumbleweed blows past them as they look around the fully-stocked shelves. The rabbit they were tailing has vanished, but a crack of light shows a concealed trap door on the other end of the room. Our heroes run up to it, and open it to see that it leads a long, long way down. Garrett swallows hard.

"Nothing to do but get the hell down there!" says Action Saxton cheerily, and he shoves Garrett down the hole. Garrett's yelling echoes through the tunnel for a while until there is a loud and wet thump. Like lightning, Action Saxton slides down the ladder, touching down gracefully on a pile of bags of wet sand dyed with the colors of the rainbow.

"Are you crazy? I could have died!" Garrett sputters through a mouthful of sand.

"Ah, quit your whining, sucka. You didn't, and that's what's important."

The two are in a large underground tunnel. It's quite dark, the only light coming from the other end. Being intelligent creatures, they decide to walk towards to the light. What they see stops them in their tracks. Stretching out before them, as far as their eyes can see, is a vile operation. Children, looking worn and mistreated, and frantically dipping easter eggs into buckets of dye, as teams of suspicious Easter Bunnies stand behind them wielding licorice whips. Every so often, one will leer at a child and cause him to work even faster.

"Not the children!" exclaims Action Saxton. "Goddamn, if there's one thing I hate it's people trying to mess with the kids!"

Action Saton rushes forward to take down a convenient Easter Bunny that was standing in front of him with his back turned. Action Saxton socks him in the face before holding his fluffy head in his hands.

"Tell me why you're running this operation, fool! And don't give me any lip or I'll pound your face in so hard you won't even be able to enjoy V8 Splash!"

The Easter Bunny stutters for a while before squeaking out an answer.

"W- we run this operation...to make money...so we can buy the materials to pirate movies!"

Action Saxton shakes his head. "You sick jive motha...And you think that kidnapping kids will get you this cash?"

"Yes! Everyone loves easter eggs! We make tons of money from five sales, enough to pirate a whole warehouse of Action Saxton movies!"

Action Saxton freezes. His eyes narrow. "What did you say?"

"I said...we make enough money...to pirate a whole warehouse of Action Saxton movies?"

"Aw, hell no!"

Action Saxton picks up the Easter Bunny by his feet and swings him around, sending him off the balcony and onto one of the egg-dying stations. Children scream and scatter as Easter Bunny guards duck and cover. Action Saxton stands on the high platform and yells.

"Listen up, suckas! There are two things that make me madder than anything else: Messing with kids, and messing with me! Now you sick suckas enslaving kids to fuel your twisted scheme is bad enough, but when you suckas pirate my movies, my movies I gladly give away and are available for legal consumption on several reputable sites and are currently for sale in stores and on WZCWShop.com, that's when I get furious! And when I get furious, I kick ass! It's GO time, suckas!"

With a kung-fu scream, Action Saxton leaps from the balcony and onto the operation. He seizes Easter Bunnies and throws them every which way in blind fury. With a roundhouse kick he sends one of them flying across the room and into a vat of blue dye.

"Let's see you win any 'Best Fur' contests now, you jive-ass sucka!"

He grips two of the nefarious creatures' ears and bashes their heads together, before jumping up and landing a fist right on the nose of a third. With another yell, he spins around and sends a fourth crashing into a fifth with a huge chop.

"You want to pirate my films, you bad bunnies? Why settle for a copy when you could have the real thing?"

He leapfrogs over a table that several cowering kids are hiding under, and headbutts a rabbit so hard he flips over another table and lands in a giant pile of candies. The candies fly everywhere, knocking out the rest of the Easter Bunnies as their forheads are viciously assaulted by the sugary delights.

"Take that, suckas! The Badass Brother is once again victorious!"

It's true. The Easter Bunnies are all in various states of disrepair. The dye operation has been dismantled. Children stare up at Action Saxton in wonder.

"Mister, are you a superhero?" one asks in wonder.

Action Saxton chuckled. "Hell yeah, I am. Did you see what I just did?"

All the children nod and talk amongst themselves.

"Now, I just have to get Garrett and-

Garrett?

Garrett?

GARRETT?"

But his calls are in vain. Garrett is gone. Action Saxton runs around the hideout, looking for any sign of the sidekick, but it is in vain. Only until he returns to the top of the balcony overlooking the now-destroyed operation does he find it.

It is the Bam-Bam spoon. And on it, there is pinned a note.

"TO DO:
-pick up laundry
-watch final episode of i love lucy again
-organize spoon drawer
-train for match
-follow black guy around
-buy milk

p.s. action saxton you can go eat an entire plate of butts"

Action Saxton crushes the note in his hands. He stares at the ceiling and lets forth a mighty roar.

"Aw, HELL no!"​

 

[JGlass]

Saboteur peers through a pair of binoculars from the driver’s seat of his beat up Volvo Station Wagon, focusing intently on a pure white Cadillac that just screams “jive soul brotha.”

Saboteur: Ahhh, so this is where Saxton is going: the mall! Probably to buy my best friend some disco medallions and… black people clothes. Well I’ll show him who knows how to shop!

Saboteur lowers the binoculars, gets out of his car, and walks a few feet to Saxton’s ride, which is parked directly in front of him. He kicks the rim of his car, and then leans on the hood.

Saboteur: If I know Saxton, and I do, he’ll be starting his shopping trip in the food court. But how can I rekidnap Garrett when Action Saxton is hovering around? Surely, Saxton would put up a fight, and I can’t beat him in a battle of fisticuffs. I’m more of a sneaky, hit and run type.

Saboteur snaps his fingers and pops to his feet.

Saboteur: I got it! I’ll slip a roofie in his grape drink!

Saboteur pulls a small pill bottle from his spandex and starts to read the directions.

Saboteur: “Use only for heavy sedation. Do not use this for violent crimes, espionage, or revenge.” Well, it says nothing about shenanigans, so it looks like I’m good to go!

Saboteur pops the pills back into his spandex and makes his way to the mall’s door. He opens the large glass door and disappears into the large shopping center. However, no more than 5 seconds pass when he’s shoved back out of the door by a pair of security guards.

Saboteur: I swear, I’m not here to bathe in the fountain again! I got my plumbing fixed! I’m just here to… uh… buy clothes and stuff!

Guard: You only have one outfit, you nut job.

Saboteur: But I have a lot of costumes! I’m a master of disguise!

The guards don’t seem to care about Saboteur’s motives for coming to the mall, and walk back into the building.

Saboteur: Well, it looks like I’ll have to use those skills to get past those rent-a-cops. Better to be sneaky than to draw too much attention to myself.

Saboteur runs back to his car, and a few moments later a baby carriage is pushing itself through the doors of the mall. Inside the carriage is a little baby with a spandex mask on its face, with the body of a headless doll.

Saboteur: Wahhh! I’m a baby going to the mall! I’m going to… Baby Gap! To buy… uh, babies.

The carriage pushes itself past the pair of security guards whom tip their hats to the carriage.

Guard: Have a nice day, sir!

Saboteur: Blow it out your butt, pig.

Saboteur rolls on towards the food court, passing unnoticed through the hundreds mall-goers and employees.

Saboteur eventually reaches the realm of the food court, and slips out of his carriage and runs into the pretzel stand.

Saboteur: I’m feeling mighty exposed out here…

Saboteur takes one glance at a lemonade tank and knows what he must do. He pulls out a snorkel from his spandex, pops open the lid of the lemonade machine, and dives right in, causing the lemonade to pour over the sides of the tank.

Saboteur presses his face against the plastic side of the tank and peers around the food court, looking for any sign of Saxton and Garrett. After a few moments of scanning, Saboteur sees a very lively black man telling a story to a very dull white man.

Saxton: So, Garrett, have I ever told you about the time I rode in a unicycle club with two bears, male and female?

Saboteur decides it’s about time to get his soggy bones out of the lemonade tank and execute his plan. He carefully steps out from the lemonade tank, and army crawls towards the mesa of tables that compose most of the food court.

Saboteur: Now how do I slip this roofie into Saxton’s drink without getting noticed? I can’t just walk up and do the deed, he’ll notice me! No, I need to be unseen. Careful. Sneaky…

Saboteur turns his head to the right where he notices a backpack lying by a young man’s feet. He smiles to himself as he comes up with an idea.

Kid: Okay guys, my mom is here, I’ll talk to you when we play WoW tonight.

Backpack: *cough* Nerd! *cough*

Other Kid: Uh, did your backpack just call you a nerd?

Kid: Must have been that jerk that works at Abercrombie and Fitch. You know, the one that wears the polo about 12 sizes too small? Oh well, better get going before he comes over here and spits on our food again.

The kid attempts to lift his backpack with a loud “OOF”, but is unable to even get it off the ground.

Kid: Crap, it’s so heavy! I knew I shouldn’t have bought all those WZCW TCG packs!

Other Kid: You need to hit the gym! Here, we’ll help.

The kid’s friends help lift the backpack off the ground and put the backpack onto his back. The kid immediately hunches over in pain.

Kid: I think my backpack gave me a hernia. See you tonight guys.

The kid starts to walk towards the door, and walks right past Saxton’s table. A spandex clad arm with a pill in hand reaches out from the backpack and hovers over Saxton’s cup. Saboteur attempts to shove the pill though the straw in Saxton’s grape drink, but accidentally spills it all over him.

Saxton: Who the hell spilled my drink? Did you see, Garrett?

Saboteur: Dang, I knew I should have just whacked him over the head with a rock! Oh well, I’ll just have to… hey wait! Where’s he going?

Saxton grabs Garrett by the arm as they storm off into the depths of the mall, clearly beginning to embark on some sort of Action Saxton adventure.

Saboteur jumps out from the nerdy kid’s backpack and takes off after the duo he’s tracking.

Saboteur: Thanks for the lift, dork!

Saboteur follows Saxton and Garrett into a Brookstone, but as you can imagine, Saboteur doesn’t exactly fit in with the yuppies and hipsters that usually browse through the shop’s over priced toys and gadgets.

Saboteur: Hmmm, I better find a place to hide so I don’t stand out too much.

Saboteur’s eyes settle on the Tempurpedic Mattress in the back of the store. If you’ve ever been in a Brookstone, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Saboteur sneaks to the back of the store and dives under the mattress, but leaves enough space so he can peak his eyes out and follow Saxton and Garrett.

Salesman: You’re making a fantastic choice sir. I own one of these and let me tell you: I never slept until I slept on a Tempurpedic.

Saboteur sees the legs of a Brookstone salesman and a very stout customer standing directly in front of him.

Fat Customer: Do you mind if I give it a try?

Salesman: Go for it!

Saboteur holds his breath and braces himself for pain. Getting sat on by a fat guy can’t hurt any worse than that Crane Kick he ate last week, right?

Fat Customer: Wow! Talk about comfort! It’s like lying on a cloud!

Saboteur: Boy I’ll say! I have a 500-pound slob on top of me, but I can’t feel a thing!

The customer jumps up from the talking mattress, shocked and insulted. He points at the mattress and yells.

Fat Customer: How dare you! I have a glandular condition! You just lost my business, you lousy mattress!

The customer storms out of the store as the salesman looks on disappointedly having lost a sale. Saboteur pulls himself out from under the mattress and looks at the salesman.

Saboteur: I might have to get myself one of these! Tell me, do you accept Flintstone souvenir spoons in place of cash?

Before the salesman has time to answer, Saboteur notices Saxton and Garrett disappearing through a door in the back of the store. With no time to jibber jabber, Saboteur takes off after them.

The door leads to a hall that connects a bunch of stores in the mall to each other, and Saboteur can’t decide where they went. He randomly tries a door labeled A&F. He swings the door open and takes steps through. He is pleased by how dark it is, the pleasant smell of perfume and cologne, and the numerous women in very tight t-shirts and jeans doesn’t hurt either.

Saboteur: Well this place ain’t so bad!

Before Saboteur can finish his sentence, the blaring sound of technofied contemporary pop songs drowns out all of his words.

Saboteur: I can hardly think in here, let alone track Saxton down!

Saboteur turns around to try to open the door to the hallway, but it is locked from the inside.

Saboteur: Aw shucks, looks like I’ll just have to take the plebian entrance.

Saboteur starts to walk through the front of the store and is almost out the door when a certain someone catches his eye.

Saboteur: Well hello ladies!

Saboteur slicks back his imaginary hair and sprays some minty breath stuff into his mouth as he makes his way over to an Abercrombie and Fitch window display. He slips through the mannequins to one in the front of the window.

Saboteur: Excuse me baby, I don’t usually do this, but I saw you looking at me, and I just had to come over and tell you how beautiful you are.

The mannequin is unresponsive. Saboteur puts his finger on her lifeless lips.

Saboteur: Shhh, don’t talk. There are no words that can express what we have in this one, magical moment.

Saboteur presses his lips to the mannequin’s and starts taking off its clothes, revealing a very detailed, but very plastic body underneath.

Abercrombie Bully: Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing with our display?!

An Abercrombie and Fitch employee interrupts Saboteur’s courtship. He’s a large specimen, about 6’4”, and he knows how good he looks in a polo shirt that’s sized for someone about half that height. Well, at least he thinks he knows how good he looks.

Saboteur: Do I have a rival for my lady’s love?!

Abercrombie Bully: No, dork, you have a guy who’s about to kick your ass! I worked all day on those mannequins!

Saboteur: You’ll have to catch me first!

Saboteur starts running around the window display with the large man chasing him along the way. The two of them knock over mannequins at every turn, and this scene causes a crowd together outside the window display.

Saboteur manages to dodge the employee for a while, but eventually trips over a mannequin’s leg and is caught by the A&F Bully.

Abercrombie Bully: Any last words, freak?

With lightning speed Saboteur unsheathes his katanas, and with some even more impressive swordplay, manages to completely tear through the Bully’s pants and underwear (don’t worry WZCW reps, you can’t see anything because of a conveniently placed mannequin hand).

Saboteur: Ha! Looks like, much like your shirt, you have something else about 10 sizes too small!

The crowd points and laughs at the Bully’s unfortunately sized business, and the Bully cries and runs away.

Saboteur: Well, that’s one problem solved, but I seem to have lost Saxton and Garrett. If only I had a costume that would allow me to travel through the mall unnoticed…

And on command, a mall Easter Bunny walks right past the window and turns into a door marked: Mall Personnel Only. Fortunately for our masked hero, no sign has ever stopped Saboteur before, and he makes his way out of the store and through the doors.

Saboteur catches up to the Easter Bunny and whispers to himself.

Saboteur: Rabbits are very cautious animals that run at the first sign of trouble. I don’t want to startle it, or I may never catch it.

Saboteur ponders a strategy, before taking a deep breath and yelling…

Saboteur: Hey look, it’s Mall Santa!

The Easter Bunny looks around puzzled which allows Saboteur to roundhouse kick him in the head, knocking the beloved children’s character to the ground.

Saboteur: It’s Rabbit Time, bitches.

After a quick fade out-fade in scene, Saboteur is now a fully equipped Easter Bunny.

Saboteur: Now all I have to do is find Saxton, and he’ll never know it’s me when I snatch Garrett and run off with him!

Saboteur’s continuing pattern of good timing continues as Saxton drags Garrett into a Hallmark right before Saboteur’s very large, plastic eyes.

Saboteur: Hallmark? What the hell is Saxton doing in Hallmark? Nobody ever goes to Hallmark! I don’t even know what the purpose of that store is except to sell 90 year old women those weird ceramic angels.

Saboteur hops over to the Hallmark store and peers through the window. It’s hard to see through the layers of dust that have collected on the glass, but he is able to catch Action Saxton jumping down some sort of hole in the floor. Saboteur takes a deep breath, preparing to make the leap down the hatch, when he notices a staircase directly next to Hallmark labeled: Hallmark Basement Access. He decides he’ll take the stairs.

Saboteur: Little bunny Saboteur hoppin’ through the mall, gonna kidnap Garrett and punch Saxton in the head!

Saboteur makes his way down the stairs and starts to hop through a dark basement hallway. He can barely see and is afraid he lost Saxton again, but he hears a very familiar…

Saxton: Aw HELL no!

Saboteur hops over to the source of the noise and sees a room full of Easter Bunnies getting their butts handed to them by Action Saxton. Dozens of children with dye stained hands are watching on in amusement as Garrett stands to the side, remaining uninvolved in the brawl.

Saboteur: Now’s my chance!

Saboteur, in bunny costume, runs into the room and begins to dodge flying Easter Bunny’s. He ducks under one bunny, hops over another, and within seconds he has grabbed Garrett.

Garrett: Oh god, can my life get any weirder? Please don’t tell me you’re going to induct me into your Easter Bunny Mafia, or whatever this is.

Saboteur: Shut up dummy, it’s me, Saboteur!

Garrett’s voice picks up, relieved and excited to be back with his original kidnapper.

Garrett: Saboteur! Oh man, I never thought I’d be happy to see you!

Saboteur: Thanks for the sentiment, jerk.

As the two chat they notice an Easter Bunny flying in their direction but duck just in time, allowing the costumed criminal to hit the wall.

Saboteur: Let’s get out of here before Saxton does that to me!

Saboteur grabs Garrett by the arm and takes off running towards the door. As he crosses the threshold, Saboteur turns back and reaches into his bunny costume’s pouch.

Saboteur: Oh, and one more thing: you can have this back, Saxton.

Saboteur pulls out a Bam Bam souvenir spoon with a note attached to it and throws it back into the room where Saxton is beginning to finish up kicking Easter Bunny ass. Saboteur disappears back through the door with Garrett and the scene fades to black as the two make their way up the stairs.