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Armageddon 2004

Slowdude

Your Eternal Reward
Armageddon 2004
Commentators: Michael Cole and Tazz
Date: December 12th 2004

I should of done this 2002-2005 series of Armageddon in order from 2002-2005, oh well. Its 2004 and we are in the middle of JBL’s 10 month WWE Title reign. Tonight JBL has to face three men he has screwed over the past six months Eddie Guerrero, Booker T and The Undertaker. This card also features John Cena vs Carlito’s bodyguard Jesus for the United States Championship, RVD and Rey Rey vs Kenzo Suzuki and Rene Dupree for the WWE Tag Team Championships. Also Mike “The Miz” Mizanin is making his PPV Debut. This is also when they tried like hell to make the brand split matter as this is a Smackdown PPV.

The show opens with a video package showing JBL screwing his three challenges over in title matches. They really make it look like JBL stood chance and it showed as the song going along with the video package says the end is near.

WWE Tag Team Championships
RVD and Rey Mysterio (c) vs Kenzo Suzuki and Renee Dupree
RVD and Rey won the titles 3 days earlier on Smackdown as they just couldn’t wait until the PPV to do the change. Kenzo Suzuki was some Japanese guy that didn’t last to long in the WWE. The heels come out to a mixed French/Japanese theme which I quite like. Renee Dupree also has a poodle with him while Kenzo has his Wife Hiroko with him.

RVD and Kenzo kick us off as the crowd is kind of chanting RVD. Some quick mat work starts us off. RVD knocks Kenzo down and tags Rey in, Double Leg drop on Kenzo. Kenzo quickly over powers Rey as Dupree is tagged in. Rey still has knees so he probably will be flying around quite allot. Hurricanrana sets up the 619. Kenzo stops Rey, Rey flips over the ropes and attempts a powerbomb, Kenzo holds onto the ropes until RVD comes in and kicks him. RVD is in the ring and irish whips Dupree towards the ropes. Dupree does the smart thing and baseball slides Rey (who is standing there). RVD is right behind and drops Dupree on the fan barricade, spinning leg drop and they are back in the ring for a two count. RVD tags in, he gets a monkey flip in the corner, Rey follows up with a kick to the chin. Dupree is up and knocks Rey off the apron and goes for a tag but Kenzo is down. RVD knocks Dupree down once more and catapaults Dupree into a flying Rey for another two count.

Kenzo finally gets up and trips RVD over which allows Dupree to get a nice clothesline in. Kenzo in and screams with a loud aaaaaaa which Tazz thinks is Japanese for I’m going to get you, yeah. Chin lock is in which only lasts about 15 seconds, Kenzo gets RVD up and screams again, RVD loudly yells out no as RVD blocks himself getting smashed into the corner. Torrie Wilson is here as she chases Hiroko away. Nothing is really happening here as the heels work over Rey. Tazz and Michael Cole both think there will be a title change tonight which surprises Tazz since Cole is agreeing with him. This has been going for quite a while as the heels are still working over Rey. Dupree is in, both he and Kenzo who is on the apron start dancing to what Tazz calls the French Tickler. Rey finally is back as he hurricanrana’s Dupree into the ring post. Hot tag to RVD as RVD takes Dupree apart, split leg moonsault gets a two count. Kenzo is knocked off the apron, a rolling thunder/leg drop combination gets a two count which is broken up by the Japanese man. Double team by the heels fail as Kenzo is out of the ring again. Dupree and Kenzo both land on the middle rope, double 619, RVD gets a Five Star on Dupree which gets us the five count.

Rating D, This was slow, went to long at 17 minutes and 12 seconds according to wikipedia and the faces should of been challenging for the titles instead of defending. Seriously couldn't they have waited three days to change the titles between the two teams.

We get a promo from Smackdown where Puder cuts a promo on the Miz. Back to the arena and here is Angle, he and Team Angle 2.0 will be facing the Big Show later tonight. It’s an Angle Invitational to buy some time. He cuts a promo where he puts over... Santa Claus! Santa comes out and tosses some candy canes to the crowd. Again from Wikipedia this match lasts 0:25 ending with an Ankle Lock. Cole thinks the Angle Chants are Santa Chants. Before the match Angle says he doesn’t like Santa but he is Tazz’s friend. He talks about how is daughter prefers Santa over him. His daughter is watching tonight to show he is greater then Santa. That bought some time.

Coming up next the Boxing Match, we get a promo from The Miz. A bit of The Miz comes out during the short promo. Who would have thought The Miz would be where he is now back then. NXT Rookie Skip Sheffield was apart of the 2004 tough enough with The Miz. The tough enough challenges looked allot worse then the NXT challenges. What does making out with Mae Young and cross dressing have to do with wrestling? Long promo takes forever as we are just killing time. Al Snow has joined commentary. Teddy Long is coming out now, He talks for a bit to kill more time. Its been quite a while since the Tag title match ended and I’m quite bored. Puder had trained in MMA before this while The Miz had about a year of training in wrestling. Puder looks allot more experienced then The Miz here and it shows throughout the three 1 minute rounds. No knockout after three rounds and Puder wins via crowd reaction.

Rating F. This didn’t need to be on PPV. Waste of 10 + minutes.
We head backstage as Booker and Eddie complain about JBL. They have a laugh about pinning each then say the real problem tonight is The Undertaker. Eddie and Booker decide to team out to take out Taker and JBL then duke it out. Taker appears from out of no where to shut both men up. WWE 24/7 ad plays which must of been new at the time. Back to the ring, unadvertised match, literately as this isn’t even mentioned on the DVD cover. Basham’s are out, all of JBL’s employees are bared from ringside during the main event. Out next Hardcore Holly and Charlie Haas, Charlie Haas has to be the special guest referee during Dawn Marie vs Miss Jackie later on tonight.

Bashams vs Hardcore Holly and Charlie Haas
This is as filler as it can get as there is no point to this match, no reason for it, its just here to kill some time. Man the single brand ppv’s really sucked ass. The crowd rightfully chants boring. Evan Tazz is bored here. Dawn Marie and Miss Jackie come out and try to fight as Charlie breaks them apart. One of the Bashams rolls Holly up for the win.

Rating F. Pointless filler, Holly yells at Haas for some reason. We get a royal rumble ad. They sing a song and have crappy wigs on. I’ll give this Royal Rumble ad a “B” Grade as its allot more interesting then anything that has been going on for the past 20 minutes or so. Promo for Cena vs Carlito. Carlito debuted, cheated to win the US Title. Cena got stabbed after the show. Carlito got injured a couple of weeks later. Cena returned, won the US title back. Carlito got a bodyguard to fight Cena. No he had the bodyguard before the title match but what ever.

Street Fight for the United States Championship
John Cena (c) vs Carlito’s Body Guard Jesus
So Jesus and Carlito attempted to Murder Cena, Cena returned and won his title back and now will use this match to beat the shit out of the heels. Cena has the US spinner here which I think is debuting here. I wonder if this Angle would have been better if Carlito hadn’t gotten injured.

Match starts with Cena destroying Jesus. Cena no sells a kendo stick to where he apparently got stabbed a few months earlier. Cena starts to realise he is Superman here as he just utterly destroys Jesus. Cena scares Carlito away from ringside. Jesus has been busted open as we head into the crowd. This is all Cena at this point Jesus only offense so far has been a single kendo stick shot. Carlito and Jesus try to double team Cena but stand no chance. Cena grabs some weapons, not like he needs them. FU ends the match.

Rating C for Cena. Jesus literately got one real shot in and it had no effect. This was all Cena here. After the match Cena knocks Carlito out with a chain. Just over three months until Cena would win the big one at Mania 21.
At this point we still have four matches to go and I’m bored as hell. We go backstage as Miss Jackie complains to Haas who doesn’t care. Jackie and Haas are engaged, Marie wants Haas. How the hell did Haas get Jackie.

Miss Jackie vs Dawn Marie with Special Guest Referee Charlie Haas
I’m bored as hell here. The crowd is bored as hell. Everyone is bored. Haas comes out with Jackie, if they were heels then Haas would be 100% biased towards Marie. Since Haas is a face Dawn gets the win in 1:43 according to Wikipedia. After the match he admits he and Dawn are having an affair and declares the engagement is off. He calls Dawn a **** and ditches both women.
Rating N/A. I Am Bored. This PPV is boring. Seriously

Big Show vs Kurt Angle and Team Angle V2.0
Angle’s theme barely gets a You Suck chant as the crowd is pretty much dead. Team Angle 2.0 = Mark Jinrak and Luther Reigns. Care? Neither do I. Angle and 2.0 Shaved Big Show’s head some time ago and had attacked Show numerous times. Shows entrance gets no reaction what so ever.

Jindrak starts and of course is man handled quite easily. Angle and Reigns also get man handled for a bit. Tam Angle 2.0 manage to knock Show down. Angle is in and is in control. Jindrak and Reigns tag in and out choking Show in the corner. Team Angle 2.0 manages to double suplex Show. The three heels make occasional tags as the giant keeps getting up. Show finally gets control as he tosses team 2.0 around. All three men are in the ring now. The ref gives up and doesn’t bother getting rid of any of them. Angle slam to Big Show wakes the crowd up momentarily. Show rolls out of an angle lock and tosses Angle out of the ring. Show hits a F5 on Jindrak for the win. F5 impresses Cole and Tazz for some reason.

Rating D. Slow and boring like the entire damn PPV.
Backstage Funaki interviews himself. Funaki earned a shot at Spike Dudleys Cruiserweight Championship tonight last week on Smackdown. Spike makes fun of Funaki before they head to the ring.

Cruiserweight Championship
Funaki vs Spike Dudley (c)
Why people want to bring the Cruiserweight Title back is beyond me. The WWE doesn’t know how to book them. This match and any other match involving the title between 2004 – 2007 shows it. Hell I’m skipping this I just CBF. Funaki gets the win to win his first tiel (besides the Hardcore) in eight years.

Rating N/A. Funaki looked happy. I should of watched the match but nar.

Promo time, JBL cheated to beat Eddie, Taker and Booker over the past 6 months to retain the title. Teddy Long makes a fatal four way. They are really making it out that JBL stands no chance in hell here. We go backstage quickly; his employee’s wish him luck. They really make it out that JBL stands no chance in hell as not even JBL himself sounds like he can win. This is great.

WWE Championship
JBL (c) vs Eddie Guerrero vs Booker T vs The Undertaker
JBL is out first, no limo. His face is priceless; he looks like he is about ready to cry here as he thinks his time is limited. Booker T is second, the crowd is dead. Eddie comes out third as the crowd is still dead, who would of though he would be dead in less then a year. Takers entrance brings the crowd back to life slightly for the first time in a while. Takers entrance of course takes longer then the other three combined. JBL is almost at his limit as he really looks like he could cry at any point here, Brilliant.

JBL leaves the ring as soon as the bell rings. Taker attacks Eddie and Booker. JBL gets a cover on Booker early which would have gotten a 3 count if the ref had actually counted. The three faces go after JBL trapping him in the ring. They each take turns punching JBL. Eddie and Booker attack Taker which gets some heat. After some double teaming Booker takes Taker to the outside and beats him down for a bit. JBL tries to attack Eddie but Booker makes the save. Booker and Eddie double team JBL in the ring. Booker and Eddies’ partnership ends when Eddie goes for a pin. JBL rolls Eddie up for a two count. Taker is in, he takes on all three men and tries to pin JBL which gets a two count. Eddie is tossed out of the ring. DDT to Booker gets Taker another 2 count. Booker is down. Taker follows JBL out of the ring, he beats him down until Eddie and Booker recover. Eddie has a sleeper on Taker but is tossed into the announcers table. Taker tosses Booker into the crowd. JBL gets a cheap shot in on Taker. He takes the announcers table apart. Taker back body drops JBL out of the ring. He grabs Eddie in the ring.

Taker tosses Eddie around. Booker is in; Taker also tosses Booker around until he misses a big boot in the corner. Swinging neck breaker on Booker gets a two count for JBL. JBL is in control as head beats Booker down. Eddie is in to get rid of JBL again. Taker is back to regain control. Taker gets a spine buster on Booker. Taker gets old school in on Booker. Taker is in complete control here. JBL takes Taker out with a clothesline. JBL gets Booker in the ring starts to choke him out. Eddie has a ladder. He hits Taker with it, slides it in the ring. JBL knocks Eddie down. JBL grabs his title and walks into a kick. Booker kicks Eddie and Taker, JBL tossed out of the ring, Scissors kick on Eddie which gets a two count. Outside the ring, JBL tries to powerbomb Booker through the table which fails so JBL climbs a chair and hits an elbow and a moment later Taker powerbombs JBL through the other table. Eddie lies down in the ring playing possum; Taker grabs Eddie and goes for a tombstone. Eddie escapes but only to walk into a chokeslam. Taker grabs Eddie for a last ride; Eddie has the title though and nails Taker with it. Two frog splashes only get a two count. Taker sits up scaring the shit out of Eddie. Low blow to Taker, Eddie has the ladder and smashes it into Taker. Eddie sets it up and climbs, another frog splash and pinfall attempt. JBL pulls the ref out of the ring to keep the match going.

Clothesline from hell misses, three amigos by Eddie into a cover which Booker breaks up. Booker gets the scissors kick on JBL, Taker breaks up the pin. Snake eyes, big boot, leg drop to Eddie which altogether gets a two count. Taker follows it up with a chokeslam to JBL. Here comes Heidenreich, he beats Taker down and leaves. JBL attempts to pin all three men but only gets two counts. Heidenreich is back and gets a cobra clutch on Taker outside the ring. Clothesline from hell to Booker in the ring ends the match. That was abrupt?

Rating B. So much for no interference.... JBL’s reign continues on until Cena beat him at Mania 21. The ending ruined the whole match, did Heidenreich really need to interfere at the end? Besides the stupid interference and the abrupt ending this match was clearly the match of the night.

Overall Rating D. Besides the fatal four way the entire show sucked plain and simple. Most of the matches could have happened on Smackdown (Hell half of them did happen on Smackdown already before this). Single Brand ppv’s suck, this ppv sucked and I’m shocked that I actually watched this live back in 2004.

Armageddon 2003 and 2007 to go (I found 2007 at the shops for $5 the other day).
 

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