The ever diligent backstage interviews, Leon and Becky, stand once again at the door to the locker room where, they have been told, the infamous Drake Callahan waits to discuss his Elite X Championship match at Apocalypse. They are, but of course, embroiled in debate over which of them will talk to him.
Leon: How many more times do we have to go through this? It's clearly your turn.
Becky: It is not! We're even, we have to decide somehow.
Leon: Fine. Not it.
Becky: What? No! Unfair! Look, what if we both do it?
Leon rubs his chin.
Leon: Well, I guess we could...strength in numbers, right? Maybe he'll be less...outrageous, if both of us are there.
Becky: We can only hope.
Suddenly, the door is flung open, and a grinning, drunken Drake Callahan stands in the doorway. He holds, as always, a beer in one hand and opens his arms wide.
Drake: Guys! Or, rather, guy! And girl! People! You're here.
Becky and Leon exchange glances.
Leon: Look, Drake, can we maybe make this quick...
Drake: Nonsense! Come inside, we'll have lunch!
He struts inside and the two interviewers nervously follow. He opens his locker and roughly pulls out a bottle of wine, which slops all over him. He holds it at arms and length and stares at the dripping wine.
Drake: Avast! Some contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch!
He peers inside the bottle and shrugs, before taking a long drink.
Drake: It still tastes good, though. You want some? He thrusts out the bottle, spilling more on the ground. Both interviewers stare nervously.
Becky: Um, no, we, um, we're not allowed to drink while we're working.
Drake stares incredulously.
Drake: Not allowed to drink! But...how? How could you not drink while you work? How can you possibly get through the day?
Leon: Well, Drake, most people aren't allowed to drink on the job. It tends to impair one's ability to...do anything constructive.
Drake: That's not true! I do a lot of things when I'm drunk! Like...like...drink!
Leon shakes his head.
Leon: Yes, Drake, you sure do. You've gotten really good at that.
Drake: Absolutely! Someone told me I had a drinking problem once, but I can't see how - I've pretty much got it down!
Becky and Leon groan.
Drake: What?
Becky: Nothing, can we move on?
Drake grins as he takes a deep drink of the wine he holds in one hand, then another of the beer.
Drake: I'd move anywhere with you, little lady... He sways a little bit, before shaking his head and grinning again. Becky only stares at him.
Becky: I'm leaving, Leon...
She starts to go, but Leon grabs her arm.
Leon: No, we're in this together. Come on. Let him ramble on about his match and we'll be done.
Drake is completely ignoring them, instead staring at his two bottles.
Drake: You know, guys, I can't decide which I like best...the wine, or the beer...they're both so good...
Leon: That's wonderful, Drake. Now is there anything in particular you wanted to say, or did you just want to tell us about the wonders of drinking some more?
Drake: I could certainly go on!
Becky: Oh, God, no...I mean, no, that's all right. Tell us about your match.
Drake nods extravagantly and sets the beer down. Then he stares confusedly, picks up the beer and sets down the wine. Then he sets down the wine, and picks up the beer.
Leon: Drake?
Drake: I can't decide which one to set down...
He stares for a few more moments of tense silence.
Becky: Um...
Drake snaps his fingers and sets both down. He starts to run out of the room.
Drake: Wait right here, I've got a great idea!
Becky and Leon stare at each other for a few moments. Time passes.
Leon: Is he coming back, or...
Suddenly Drake charges back into the room with a large plastic cup. Grinning and laughing like a maniac, he picks up the remnants of the bottles of wine and beer and proceeds to dump their contents into the cup, creating an awkwardly colored purple-golden mixture.
Drake: Behold! I shall call it...Beerwine! He furrows his brow. Or maybe...winebeer. Winebeer! He laughs some more and takes a long drink of it, smacking his lips. Excellent.
Leon and Becky have looks of disgust on their face.
Becky: He did not...
Leon: ...Just do that.
Becky: Did he?
Leon: I think he did.
Becky: Oh, Christ...
Drake, meanwhile, has been savoring his creation.
Drake: You guys want some? I think I should market this...
Leon: No, no, Drake, let's not do that. There's a match, remember that? A championship? Elite X Title? Can we focus on that, maybe?
Drake stares.
Drake: But...the winebeer.
Leon: Look, the winebeer is wonderful. You can make some more, after we leave. Let's talk about the match, shall we?
Drake: Winebeer...
There's a moment of silence. Drake drinks some of his concoction, shakes his head, and grins widely, filled with energy.
Drake: Right! There's a match! A match I'm in! And it's a big one! I, Drake Callahan, the Prophet, will become the Epic X...
Leon: Elite X, Drake...
Drake: Undaunted. Elite X Champion at Apocalypse! And I just have to defeat... He holds up his fingers, and slowly counts of three. He displays them. This many other guys!
Leon: Well, Drake, you'll be glad to know your opponents are as...interesting...as you are.
Drake: That's for sure. It's not every day I get to wrestle a superhero like Red Mask! Suddenly, he looks afraid. You don't...you don't think he'll use his superpowers, will he? 'Cause that would be cheating...right?
Becky: I'm sure he won't cheat, Drake...he's one of the good guys. She smiles despite herself.
Drake: Oh, good! 'Cause it would sure suck to be wrapped up in spider web, or hit with laser beams, or...hit with a boomerang.
Leon: And what do you think of Carmen Bratchny?
Drake is suddenly very angry and he furrows his brow.
Drake: I'll tell you what! I'm incredibly angry with him! I hate him!
Becky: Surprised. Why are you so angry?
Drake: Because that bastard killed Apollo Creed!
Leon and Becky put their heads in their hands.
Drake: On top of that, he can't even speak English! All, "Me am Russian, me scary. Gurr." Some people just can't talk good, you know?
Leon: Yes, those people...they don't talk...good. And, uh, Vengeance?
Drake: Vengeance is kind of freaky, to be honest with you. All this "Higher Power" that, and "Master" this, blah, blah, blah. I don't get it, man. This Vengeance, and that Bratchny, they're why I'm here preaching, Leon. They need to learn how to party! Drink, smoke, go crazy, do whatever! They need to chill out, and if the Prophet has to beat a little chill into them, then so be it!
Becky: And are you excited at your first chance to wear singles championship gold?
Drake: Babe, I've been preaching it since the day I was here - Drake Callahan is here to win titles. I gotta get a belt around my waist, so I can get some respect around here, and get the word out about the message! This is my first chance to really do that, and you can bet I'm not gonna let it go by.
Drake lowers his sunglasses, revealing fiery eyes.
Drake: At Apocalypse, Red Mask, Vengeance, Bratchny...you're all on my road to respect. You're in the way of the message. And if you decide to get in my way, well...
Drake raises his glasses up again.
Drake: Let's just say you can watch your neck. He grins widely.
He picks up his cup and raises it to Becky and Leon.
Drake: Well, if you'll excuse me, I've got some winebeer to make. Look for it in a store near you.
He leaves the locker room, leaving Leon and Becky slightly dazed behind him.
Becky: Well, at least that's out of the way.
Leon: Yeah, until next week, anyway...
Becky: Please don't remind me.
The two leave the locker room, and the room fades to black.