We pan to the AP2 arena and the 4 people in folding chairs staring at the ring as we can see shackles chaining the fans to their seats Blank:Welcome to the premiere episode of Supernova and me and my broadcast partner Bill Singer here are excited to bring you this exciting new step in the world of sports entertainment! Singer: You just used excitement and excited in our first sentence, we are really an innovating company right here. Blank: *sighs* Well lets cut to the back as the president and founder of AP2, Forrest Bowling, has an inaugural speech for all the new fans. We see Forrest standing in a badly light garage and appear to be recording his speech on a webcam Bowling: I am sad to say that I cant be there for this exciting new show but I had important manners to complete but I will be there next time. Singer: If there will be a next time. Bowling: Hey! I heard that Singer! There might be Now onto tonights exciting event, we will be crowing the AP2 world champion and also the tag team champions. Blank: Do you here this ladies and gentlemen! We will be seeing two new champions crowned tonight. Singer: We only have 2 titles? Bowling: Uhh, no. We also have a womans title but we only have one female wrestler so it would be useless to give it to her. Singer: Why did you make it then? Bowling: Im going to ignore that and tell you about our two amazing main events tonight! For our tag titles we will be having a three way tag title match between, The European Union, The Motor City Machine Guns, and The Dudley Boys! Singer: Who was that first one? Bowling: And for the gigantic main event we will have Mike Awesome facing the legendary CM Punk in a battle royal! Blank: DID YOU HEAR THAT!! Mike Awesome vs. CM Punk IN A BATTLE ROYAL!! Singer: Wait! Awesome killed himself in 2005, how is he in the main event? Blank: Such is the magic of professional wrestling Singer: No! He is dead! He cant be brought to life because of a bookers decision! A gong sounds and the lights go out and when they turn back on Awesome is in the ring with Undertaker Singer: Fuck. Blank: Oh my! The undertaker with Awesome! Maybe this will explain the resurrection. Taker: As you see I have brought Awesome back to the living side and with it a sure chance at the world title. Isnt that right Awesome? Awesome: Yeearrrghhh. Taker: Hahaha. This Fire Burns plays over the loud speakers. Punk: Whoa, whoa, whoa taker. You cant just use dead wrestlers as pawns in this game of yours. Let the dead lie and let the straightedge win titles. And how is he going to get you the title? Taker: You ignorant fool. Even a phenom like me ages, but there is a secret to my long lasting career. You remember Owen? Yeah, that energy boost helped me capture the WWE title. I sacrifice the young to keep the audience happy. Isnt that right? Audience: Sure. Taker: Exactly. Punk: That plan has more holes than the PGA tournament. First, Awesome is dead. You cant sacrifice a dead man. Taker: This is true but I have already sacrificed this fellow and now he is my undead slave. Why waste my perfect body on you when I can get this zombie to take it and lay down for me the next night. Punk: But what if I win? Taker: Its a battle royal. No DQ, I help if he needs it, which he wont. Punk: Well I knew this all along. How Awesome came back and who was behind it. So I have my own backup. Goldbergs music hits. Punk stands on the ramp with Goldberg behind him as Taker stands in the ring angry. Blank: What a development! Lets look backstage as the European Union is talking about their big chance tonight. We look backstage as Desmond Wolfe and Eric Young are talking. Wolfe: Alright you wanker, lets talk strategy for the match tonight. Young: What is the name of our team again? Wolfe: The European Union Young: Im Canadian Wolfe: It doesnt matter you bloody fool! Whoever we face the crowd will just chant USA and cheers will ensue. Young: Sighs Well do you think we have a chance tonight? Wolfe: Well God Save the Queen and Earl Grey tea! We have the best chance in that ring; were facing a couple of old men from ECW, and a team of high flying idiots. Young: But you have me on your team, Im not really known for my victories. And can you turn down the Britishisms? Its a little weird. Wolfe starts to walk away cursing incoherent soccer terminology. We return to a grinning Blank and Singer opening a flask. Blank: With that first amazing promo what do you expect next Singer? Singer: Im going to kill myself unless somebody good comes out of that curtain. MY NAME IS FINLAY AND I LOVE TO FIGHT Singer: God dammit, wheres that gun. Blank: Well the voice in my ear tells me you should hold that suicide off for a few seconds. Singer: Ah, found it. Shoot, where are the bullets? Blank: Look Singer! Kurt Angles music starts Singer: Yes! Finally, I have a reason to live. Angle walks out with a heavy beard and a flask in his hand Singer: Theres a man. Blank: A man who looks depressed, he did just lose his wife. Singer: Hell be fine. Angle falls on his face and doesnt seem to be moving. Singer: What if I just shoot you? Will that bring me happiness? Blank: Cant shoot me without bullets! Here Hornswoggle catch! Blank throws the box to Hornswoggle Singer: Dont give it to him! Hell Hornswoggle opens the box and proceeds to eat the bullets. Singer: That. Blank: Ha! And the voice in my ear says Finlay has won that match and is now the number one contender. Singer: How does that work. Blank: Well he won. Singer: sighs Blank: And now the Tag Team Match is about to start. We look in the ring and all 3 of the tag teams are already in the ring. Singer: Holy shit! This is some good whisky! Blank: No, we just talk too long. The bell rings and Desmond immediately lariats D-Von and begins to pin him but is broken up by everyone including Young. Desmond gets up and looks at Young confused, but Young just shrugs and they turn around and get dropkicked out of the ring by MCMG. Blank: What a start to this match! MCMG turn around to a pair of brawling Dudley Boys and they simultaneously Irish whip MCMG and Sabin hits a springboard cross body to take out both of the brothers. Shelley goes to the top and hits a frog splash on Bubba but Young pulls him out of the ring and throws him into the barricade. Young turns around and is hit by a plancha by Sabin. Singer: Wow, an actual match, I like it. Blank: This is a spectacular match. Desmond picks up D-Von in a cravate and hits a neckbreaker. Singer: Hes targeting the neck after that brutal lariat. Desmond sees Bubba standing up so he Irish whips him into the corner. He runs up the opposite corner and turns around to a cross body by Sabin. Singer: Wolfe didnt see that one coming! Blank: Good to see you in a good mood. Shelley comes into the ring to join Sabin as Sabin ties up Wolfe in the tree of woe. Shelley runs at Sabin and Sabin throws Shelley into the air for a dropkick to Wolfes face. Blank: He broke the mans nose in two! Singer: More like his neck. Shelley gets up to give Sabin a high five but sees him already in a Bubba Bomb. Shelley just watches as Bubba slams his partner into the ground. Bubba stands up with a smile and gives the bring it sign. Shelley stands there and laughs as Young runs up behind Bubba and gets him in a rear naked choke. Bubba stumbles backward and falls out of the ring with Young still attached. Shelley just laughs but is hit in the rear by D-Von. D-Von yells, Bubba get the tables! Bubba was way ahead of him as was already sliding in the table. Blank: But arent they disqualified for this? Singer: Really? Its a God Damn triple threat you know the rules. D-Von Irish whips Shelley and picks him up for the 3-D as Bubba catches him into the cutter. Through the table Shelley goes and Bubba goes to pin him but he hears a bell. He looks around and Young has pinned Sabin for the 3. Young pulls Wolfe out of the ring and grabs the titles and drags an unconscious Wolfe up the ramp. 3D looks up the ramp angrily as Young smiles. Singer: Dammit, cant we get a match with a real finish? His partner is probably dead! Blank: Such is the magic of wrestling. Singer: If you say that again this flask is going up your ass. Blank: Well lets look to the back as Gail Kim is confronting Forrest. We see Forrest watching South Park in his house and Gail Kim is standing behind him. Gail: Excuse me Mr. Bowing? Forrest: Ahhh!!! When did you get here? Gail: For a while now. Forrest: Well what do you want? Gail: Well seeing how Im the only woman Forrest: Not woman, Tapouts. Gail: Tapouts? Forrest: Yeah. Gail: Okay well I was wondering if I can become the champion. Forrest: No.I have a match for you next week. Gail: Is it for the title? Forrest: No. Gail: Whos it against? Forrest: I dont know yet. Gail: I thought you said I had a match next week. Forrest: You do, just not against anybody yet. Gail sighs and walks out of the room. Blank: Well from there we go to our next match. The Star Spangled Banner starts playing as The Masked Avenger walks out with an American flag Singer: Jesus Christ, a masked wrestler Singer looks over at Blank because Blank is standing up with his hand over his heart Blank: Why dont you stand up you Taliban loving weirdo! Singer sighs As the Masked Avenger gets to the ring and hangs his flag Samoa Joes music starts Samoa Joe walks out with a Samoan flag and stares at The Masked Avenger and sprints into the ring and hangs up his flag. Blank: Were having a good ol flag match! Singer: Nice, let get some patriotic spirit in this crowd. Singer turns around and sees the crowd working together to inch toward the door Singer: Ill go get them Blank: Lets look in the ring as our match starts! Samoa Joe stares at Avenger and outstretches his hand. The Avenger looks down at the hand and slowly out stretches his to be pulled in for a belly to belly suplex. Singer yells from the audience, What an idiot! Blank: Dont say that about our American hero! Samoa Joe laughs and looks at his flag and just shakes his head and turns back toward the Avenger. He lifts Avenger up to a German suplex and crashes the Avenger into the mat. He locks in a STF as Avenger is locked facing the American flag. Blank: He might Avenge up! Avenger starts to slam his fists on the mat trying to get the crowds spirit behind him We hear Singer yelling at the audience, Clap you idiots! Avenger stares franticly at the crowd as he is back to his helpless self. Life begins to dwindle in The Avengers eyes as Samoa Joe tightens the STF. Avengers face slams against the mat as he passes out. Joe stands up picks his flag up and walks up the ramp as the bell rings. Blank greets the returning Singer Blank: How did the audience go? Singer: Shut up We pan to see the audience now at one with this person bruised and taped to his chair. Singer: So whats next? Blank: Im hearing word that our main event is about to begin! Takers music starts Singer: Why is it Takers music? Blank: Even I cant explain that. Singer: Is it the magic of wrestling Blank: Nope. This Fire Burns starts as Punk walks out with Goldberg. Blank: Are you a fan of Punk? Singer: Actually yes. The bell rings as punk looks into the dead eyes of Awesome. He walks up and slaps Awesome in the face as Awesome begins to drool. Undertaker points his hand and Awesome clutches Punk by the throat. Punk scrambles in the clutch as Awesome walks over to the ropes. He puts both fingers into Awesomes eyes but Awesome doesnt even flinch. As he dangles over the ropes Awesome drops him, but Goldberg catches him on his shoulders. Punk thanks Goldberg as he is put back into the ring. Punk ducks under a clothesline from Awesome and kicks him the back of the head. Awesome slowly turns around and starts walking toward Punk again. Punk rushes up to the slow moving Awesome and struggles to pick him up for an uranage. He adds a leg trip and Awesome falls. He locks in the Anaconda Vice and smiles but it disappears as Awesome turns his head and stares at Punk. Blank: I dont see how Punk can win this match Singer: Well of course, hes facing a zombie. Awesome throws Punks arms off and Punk rolls away and strategizes. He glances to his side and smirks. He runs past the slowly rising Awesome and hits a plancha through the second rope on Taker. Punk rolls to his feet and looks in the ring as Awesome is standing still. Punk tells Goldberg to take care of Taker as he rolls in the ring. Goldberg smiles and spears Taker through the barricade. Punk rolls into the ring and starts dragging Awesome next to the side. He begins to pick Awesome and a car slams into the side of the ring and Punk stumbles over the side of ropes and hits the ground. Singer: Holy Shit!! Blank: Hey watch the language. But I agree with you. Punk stands up and looks in the car as a smirking Kane and a blank eyed Eddie Guerrero are in the car. Kane gets out of the car and wraps his hand around Punks throat and chokeslams him on the concrete. We look in the ring as Awesome is getting the title wrapped around his waist in the collapsed ring. We fade to black as blank says Blank: Tune in next week as we follow up on these many actions!! Singer: Please dont. Let this monstrosity die.