Anti-Jokes Thread

[Sully]

I love Anti-Jokes, there may have been a thread about them before, but fuck it, here's a new one.

If you can find (google) or create some anti jokes, I'd be glad to hear them.

Examples:

What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.



A muslim gets on a transatlantic commercial airliner.
All the other passengers are privately nervous, but nobody mentions it.



A catholic priest held a puppet show at a kindergarten. The children were a very polite audience and the event was considered a great success.


Do you know what Chuck Norris does for a living?
He's an actor, I also heard he's quite good with martial arts.



Try to go along with it.

 

[Sully]

inb4stupidthreadpolice

 

[Coco]

You know who's been pretty anti-joke lately?

Doc.

 

[Remix]

How the fuck did you get out of prison?

 

[Coco]

Be nice to Sully!

 

[Sully]

How the fuck did you get out of prison?

No, you're supposed to set up a form of joke, like "Two guys walk into a bar" but instead of having a punchline, have a serious answer, such as "The third one ducks".

Good try though!

 

[Slyfox696]

No, you're supposed to set up a form of joke, like "A man walks into a bar" but instead of having a punchline, have a serious answer, such as "The third one ducks".

Good try though!

Uhh, you so totally told that wrong.

 

[Coco]

Three men walk into a bar and the third one ducks. What do the other two do?

Spoiler

Not laugh at the joke.

 

[Muffin Top Merkley]

Actually, it's what did the second guy do?

The first walked into a bar.
The second _______.
The third ducked.

 

[Sully]

Uhh, you so totally told that wrong.

Thanks for pointing it out.

All fixed up.

 

[Sully]

OR.

A man walks into a bar.
He has a few drinks, walks home, and violently beats his children.

 

[Stormtrooper]

OK, let me try.

Why did Sullys mother cross the road?

Spoiler

TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!

 

[Sully]

How do you make a plumber cry?

Kill his family.

 

[Sully]

OK, let me try.

Why did Sullys mother cross the road?

Spoiler

TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!

YOUR MOTHER IS SO FAT that she sought a relevant support group. My understanding is that she tried Overeater's Anonymous and lost a few pounds, but it meant more that it improved her sense of self-worth. She's more comfortable with herself as a somewhat overweight woman, and a much happier person now. We're all very proud of her.

 

[Stormtrooper]

YOUR MOTHER IS SO FAT that she sought a relevant support group. My understanding is that she tried Overeater's Anonymous and lost a few pounds, but it meant more that it improved her sense of self-worth. She's more comfortable with herself as a somewhat overweight woman, and a much happier person now. We're all very proud of her.

well that wasn't very nice. I said your mother crossed a street, and you said my mother is fat? That's very rude.

OK, here's a new one.

How do you get Sully pissed off?

Spoiler

mention that Pittsburgh Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger got away with rape.

 

[Sully]

Now you're getting the hang of it.

 

[Sully]

What do you call an arab flying a 747?

A pilot.

 

[The Doctor]

A man walks into a bar.

Spoiler

He is an alcoholic, and his drinking problem is draining his finances and destroying his family from the inside out. Soon he will be living on the side of the street, begging for money as his wife and children move away, leaving him a lonely and bitter man dying a cold and painful death.

 

[Sully]

A man dressed in baggy jeans, a big sweatshirt, and a backwards hat walks into a convenient store.

He quickly makes a purchase and leaves.

 

[Sully]

A man walks into a bar.

Spoiler

He is an alcoholic, and his drinking problem is draining his finances and destroying his family from the inside out.

See, Doc is getting the hang of it.


I love these jokes.



Whats the difference between a jew and firewood?
Firewood is meant to be burned in a stove or firepit while jews are functioning members of society.

 

[.]

How do you depress a person?

Spoiler

Read this thread.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Sound of Madness wins. Close this abortion of a thread.

 

[Serious Jones]

 

[Sully]

I think their is some bias going on. If somebody with higher respect made the exact same thread, it wouldn't have gotten such negative attitude.



A woman is on an escalator, which stops, then she cries.

Why?
The escalator is in a hospital and stops because the power has failed. She was going to visit her husband who is on life support, which has now but out.


So this guy walks into a bar. He ends up getting really drunk and taking home a highly promiscuous woman. They both die from AIDS.

 

[red ass skull muhfukkah]

A black family walks into a talent agency. The father tells the talent agent "Boy do I have an act for you!". The talent agent says "Well what happens in your act?".
"Well I come out on stage wearing a nice tuxedo and begin playing Mozart on the piano. My wife then comes out dressed in the finest red dress you'll ever see. She sits on a couch and begins to read Shakespeare's A Mid Summer Night's Dream. My oldest daughter then comes out wearing an eloquent blue dress and begins to play beautiful music on a harp. Then my youngest daughter comes out wearing a wonderful little tutu and does the most amazing ballet you've ever seen." The talent agent says "What a beautiful act, but what do you call it?"

The father says

Spoiler

******s

Anti-Aristocrat joke of sorts.

Edit: I'm not racist I just lmao'd hard the first time I heard this joke.