A fight I never quite understood.

[Poop Master Flex]

It's a fight I've seen a MILLION times yet one I've never quite understood. Why is it that people always have to fight over a meal check or a bar tab or something like that. For example, I asked my gf if she wanted to go out and she said I have to wait till payday, I asked her I can just pay its no issue and she completely lost it on me. Now this isn't something I've just seen today, it's something I see all the time. 2 people go out, they have a great time then the check comes, someone offers to pay, then the other person says "no, I got this" and then out of no where a fight breaks out between the 2.

The only logical explanation I can think of is 2 things:

1) Foolish Pride, as in one person just CAN'T have someone else pay for them even if they are just being nice.

2) They have to be a big shot.

Is it really that big a deal if someone else is gracious enough to pick up a tab, and is it something that truly warrants to have a fight over? Personally I always offer but if someone insists on picking up the tab I have zero issues letting them, the way I look at it is that it was nice of that person and its a little more money in your pocket.

With that rant said I have 3 questions:

1. Do you always offer to pay for a meal?

2. If someone else offers is it a reason to get in a fight over?

PS. Sorry for the random ass topic as its just something that I feel should never be an issue and yet I've seen some pretty massive fights break out over this one instance which I've seen more times than I can count. Besides, it happened to me today so its fresh on the mind and I'm curious to see what others think.

 

[This Is My Name Thank You]

I always offer to pay for the meal when I go out to eat with whoever I am with whether it is a girlfriend or just my friends. I see no harm in paying as it makes me feel good inside and mostly my friends are usually broke so I am at times forced to pay.

I say it starts an argument because people who offer to pay are trying to show they aren't selfish and want to show appreciation for the person they are with. So, the person who doesn't have to pay argues because they don't like to feel the need of being taking care of along with the feeling of pride comes into play. I feel when people argue who pays doesn’t want their pride cut down and the feeling of someone trying to outdo them also. If this makes any sense to you.

I solve the problem by having whoever I am with pay half the bill so we can avoid the argument an we both can feel good about it inside.

 

[Dagger Dias]

Money is one of the most common things to fight over. Guys, don't get mad if your date/spouse offers to pay. She cares about you and is trying to do something nice. The same goes for women who prefer to take care of themselves. Do not fight if he offers to pay. People can be stubborn when it comes to money because they feel they are more important if they pay for something. It's just a financial transaction. Hardly something to fight over when there are so many things going on in the world that can cause legit reasons to have a disagreement. Switch it up on who pays. One person gets it this time, the other pays next time. It is that simple. My wife and I do that. Sometimes it's my card we pay with and sometimes her's.

 

[Sheamus' Suntan]

What I think is people have LESS self control over tempers now. I mean putting it simply; Someone offers to pay. the other person replies with "No, its ok, I've got this." It should be done. It should really be done by the time someone OFFERS to pay. The other person though comes back with "no, no its ok honestly." And that's where it all begins.

It's a stupid argument but it seems like people have less control over their own tempers and allow themselves to snap over things.

In my mind, the first person to offer, should pay up. Its that simple. Don't argue back, just accept it.

 

[Dowdsy McDowds]

With that rant said I have 3 questions:

1. Do you always offer to pay for a meal?

I don't offer to pay for the whole meal, but me and my friends are all on the same wavelength and tend to pay for what we had rather than splitting a %age instead due to some people having more expensive tastes than others. If I were out on a date then I'd more than likely pay for the whole thing but I would honestly be a bit wary in case the generosity was taken advantage of.

2. If someone else offers is it a reason to get in a fight over?

I guess it depends on the context of who you're out with to be honest. Most of the time I would say no, but if you or the other person had made it clear that you/they WANT to pay their share of the meal then I can imagine some personality types taking it the wrong way. As with so many other things, communication is key to avoid any flare-ups in situations where gestures can be mis-read for something else.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

It doesnt bother me, as is the case with all things that dont fucking matter and effect nothing. If it was my idea, I pay. Her idea, she pays. If its a joint thing, then we split the total, or whomever is the main bread winner, or whomever drove the lesser of the two takes care of it more often than not.

When I dated college students, they were told to shut the fuck up, your a broke college student, I will pay. When i dated a doctor or a writer, I had no problem with letting them pay for me, for they made way more money than I did.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

I'm not at the stage in my life or in the social group where people are jumping at each others' throats just to pay for a meal because most of the places I eat don't usually consist of a bill after we eat our meals. However, when we do go to proper restaurants with the A La Carte and whatnot, everyone usually pays for their own meals. If by some chance someone cannot pay we arrange an agreement where one person will pay for them and their own, where next time the other person who didn't pay will return the favour. The only thing that honestly causes arguments that I've seen about is when no-one is willing to pay for someone else who can't afford anything. It may, and this is a big may, happen between me trying to chip in for meals when I'm eating with my parents at a restaurant but that's about it.

So yeah, we only offer each other to pay meal checks if we are kind enough to pay for someone who currently hasn't got the money and work a deal out later or possibly work out an accord where one person pays for something and another pays for something else... but nothing to the extent of what you describe. I don't think I've ever seen it other than the movies and I've been to a lot of big restaurants in my life. Must be the different cultures... Australians don't really get annoyed over these issues.

 

[Harthan]

I'm still something of a chivalrous gentleman, so I always make the offer to pay if I'm out with a lady (even if it's not romantic...usually it isn't). I don't press it if they refuse, though, and then we split. Equally, I'm not much of a confrontational person, so if someone offers to pay, I usually refuse until they insist again, at which point I go with it. I've rarely gotten into a fight with someone about it. I tried to push the issue once, thinking it would make me look good, like I was a great guy with loads of cash to bandy about (Ladies - this is completely true) but the girl I was with wound up getting kind of annoyed about it and I realized that pressing it really makes you look like kind of a dick.

As for why it happens, I think it can be a lot of things. Pride, trying to impress someone, misguidedly trying to help someone, etc., etc. It usually makes the person pressing it look like an asshole, though, and once you've made that realization I don't know why you'd carry on with it. I guess a lot of people haven't come to that realization yet.

 

[Xemmy]

It's not something to throw a conniption fit over, but that doesn't change that people do it to be nice, prideful, or really any of the above mentioned things. Personally, I offer to pay whenever I have the money to do so, regardless of who I'm with. With me it's a mix of being nice, and being a big shot. I like to think it makes me important in some stupid way. My friends appreciate and often return the favor later on if I'm broke. It's a circle that works. We fuss over it sometimes, but it's never really a "fight". Money's always been something to fight over, so it's not really a surprise that any situation involving money is prone to argument over it.

 

[JWGunslinger]

Do you always offer to pay for a meal?
The only time that ever really comes up is when my fiance and I are eating out together, otherwise if i'm out with my friends then we split it. However when a friend is low on money or they can't afford to get what they want I'll usually offer to help em out.

If someone else offers is it a reason to get in a fight over?
Only in a polite way, aside from when I'm JW'sGirl the only time this has ever happened when my friends and I took our buddy to Elephant Bar for his birthday and when the check came around we were all expecting to be covering his meal because it was his birthday, but when we told him he refused to allow is to do that. His reason was because he's extremely old school and russian, it's traditional for the birthday boy or girl to pay for everyone else's meal on their special day, sounds a little backwards but after some friendly arguing over who would pay we conceeded and let him pay because he was not backing down.

My fiance and I used to fight over who would pay back in the day because we didn't want the other to have to pay since we're both generous and were both a tad short on money, but I can't remember the last time we did that, we're great at just taking turns or whatever works now and we have no problems with the bill.

 

[King Hobo]

I wish my friends weren't so cheap, I don't really ever get to fight over that. One of my friends is this fat chick, and I'm sorry but she always orders about 10 times more food than what's necessary. Then, I give her a ton of shit if she gives any to her dog.

The only people I know who have preferred to pick up the check were a couple who wrote it off as a "business expense". Weasels. As, what am I complaining for?

 

[MissSeksy]

I see no reason why this should start a fight, if you cant agree why not split it? I love to take my friends out or my man, we usually alternate who pays and then its fair. Occasionally if he buys the main course I will buy drinks and dessert. It doesnt need to be a drama! I find that its more of an issue on dates as some people think, as they are a man, they should pay or because they are a woman, they should be paid for. Old fashioned!

 

[Paralyzer Z]

1. Do you always offer to pay for a meal?

Well.... I've never paid for someone else in my life, my parents do it for me. So I guess that I don't have the experience to correctly answer that question.

2. If someone else offers is it a reason to get in a fight over?

Not in the least bit. If a man wants to exhibit chivalry and assert himself in that way over his love interest then by all mean let him do it. If a lady wants to do something in a similar fashion or for other reasons. I personally think that men do it to show some thing alike dominance or to just follow what maybe basic gender roles in their opinion. I guess when that individuals mind set of that is taken by surprise the reaction isn't pretty. Personally if a girl offered to pay then by all means I will accept considering we live in a world where women are more active on society.

This silly fighting is not a matter of money but rather a matter if pride and vintage gender roles of which I do not believe in. There is no reason to fight over who spends the money, you would think that someone would be happy if another offered.