CJ The Pirate
Schwing
I basically am doing this simply because I want to see where my creativity gets me. I'm also slightly bored so this will fill half an hour or so.
I'm gonna take a look at the ENTIRE Roster and decide what I feel needs to happen. You guys get the choice of talking about what I say and bashing me or praising me for it... or, if you have the time to kill, you can do one of your own. Awesome!
RAW:
Batista: Currently Injured and out for several months. Not sure when he will return but I'd expect to see him around the Rumble. Batista is not a favourite of mine. He isn't all that impressive in the ring. He's abysmal on the mic and he's booked incorrectly in my opinion. His moniker is 'The Animal' but he behaves like a man. He tries to be funny and cool. He always looks a bit reluctant to destroy someone in a stand off. He should just do it. He should be more animal-like. If he came back and just destroyed Legacy. Hit the ring and punished them. And then did it again the following week. It'd be cool. But I see him doing the first thing but then the week after talking to the fans in the ring about how for so many months he's been out injured and the only thing that kept him going was getting revenge on Legacy blah blah blah. This is bad. It bores people. It makes Batista less interesting. Less talking... more pain. In other words... book him like a BIG MAN!
Big Show: Oooooh, I love and hate the big show. He is great on the mic. He is funny. He is everything Batista tried to be on the mic. I like the new direction. The new attire... not so great but attire does not maketh the man. The whole 'Focused' Big Show is good. I credit Chris Jericho for the improvement most though which leads me to thinking... Big Show ALWAYS needs a manager. Someone to big him up. Tell people what Big Show can do and tell Big Show what he can do. It's what Jericho keeps doing. "He's a monster." "Of course Orton Ran away. You're a Giant" Big Show is a selling point at the min. He's not been one of them in ages.
Carlito: I'm dreading the return of the Carlito/ Chris Masters tag team. It was awful then. It'll be awful now but at least it'll be a tag team. I'm glad he's split from Primo though. I always prefered Carlito as a heel. I'd prefer him on Smackdown in the IC race personally but he's OK on raw. A feud with Evan Bourne could be good.
Chavo: Chavo is so misused. I've said before how they should use him and it is not for comic relief. That's not a good place to be when the source of humour is being laughed at. Santino is a perfect example of Comic Relief. He IS being funny. Chavo is just being embarrassed. The solution. Make him Cheat To Win! Do it against Hornswoggle. Then get involved in the US Title division using the same tactic. The best part of it is it can work for both heel and face. Perfect.
Chris Masters: Ironically, the best thing for Masters would be to reform the tag team of Masters and Carlito. The Masterlock Challenge is a great idea. It made him look awesome. Really strong and powerful. Made the move look more devastating that any other, being that most finishers do get reversed or kicked out of every now and then. NOONE Could break the masterlock. It was awesome. But did he ever do anything? No. Nothing. So unless he wins the US belt, I don't want to see it. And if he hasn't got that, there isn't much left. Sorry Chris.
Cody Rhodes: I see him sticking with Orton. He is nowhere near as good as Ted, he's not talented enough to be given a upper mid card spot alone just yet. He will be. But not yet. I don't see him staying on Raw after the next draft. He'll probably have a long feud with Ted post Rumble up to Wrestlemania.
Evan Bourne: I don't agree with him being on Raw. I really don't. I personally feel they should have kept him on ECW and reintroduced the Cruiserweight belt in ECW. It'd make sense. I just don't know where he fits on Raw.
Festus: Release him. Please. Useless. He's in a worse boat than Chavo. People aren't actually laughing at him even though that's the intention. That's dire. For his sake, let him go.
Swagger: Enough with the childish chest thumping. It looks ridiculous and does not fit his character at all. They need to sort out what his gimmick is. Is he cocky. Is he smug. Is he a coward? Apparantly all three. Not good. I hate him on the mic. Not because of the lisp. That doesn't bother me. It's just that all he says is his own name and nick name. "The All American American Jack Swagger" What's the point of this? We know. It's on your entrance video. I hope he has a good three month feud with MVP. MVP winning at Summerslam. Swagger winning at Breaking Point (Submission Match) and then HIAC makes the rubber match. Winner gets a title shot at the Rumble maybe?
Noble: Is he seriously still on Raw? Jesus. He's not been used well since 2003. ECW. Cruiserweight Title again. Please.
Duggan: Ugh... I'm not even bothering.
John Cena: People call the sport of Professional Wrestling a pantomime with violence. To which I can see where they're coming from. But does John Cena really need to talk like he is actually in one... OH NO HE DOESN'T! (You see what I did there?) He has that bouncy up and down voice. I know the gimmick is that he is a fun loving nice guy who can bring it just like the best of them but it's highly unnecessary. Long Winded is the adjective... and coming from me, a man who is VERY long winded, that's saying something. But in all honesty, Cena is exactly where he needs to be. A tag Titles feud for the next month after Summerslam is the best thing to do with him right now. Miz as partner.
Kofi Kingston: Give him a story. Give him a feud. Give him something. All he does right now is Boom gestures and smile. He needs more dimension.
Mark Henry: Why is he face? Why all of a sudden does he like to have fun? Why all of a sudden has NOONE mentioned how much a dick he has been over the past few years? And since when has a change from black tights to a different colour and a smile on his face been sufficient material for a face turn? I bet the writing staff thought long and hard about that one.
So from being all dominating in ECW, they think pairing him with Hornswoggle is a good move? No. US Title hunt. Feud with Kofi...as a heel. Have him Strongest Slam Kofi's sister or something to stop Kofi smiling.
MVP: Stick with the Swagger thing but play on the criminal thing! God damn the PG13 nonsense. Triple H is allowed to attack Orton and his wife with a sledgehammer but MVP has to repent for his past everytime his prison time is mentioned. MVP is a former criminal. Don't stress the former part. Have him punch Swagger in the face. Rather than just smirking at him in a 'That's what I thought' manner. MVP... You want some? Go get some! It's boring!
Primo. See Bourne/ Noble. Nothing on Raw for him. They didn't even let him have a proper 'My brother has turned on me' feud. It was just done on Raw... which noone watched.
Randy Orton. Stick with this gimmick. The Viper is brilliant. Orton works the crowd better than anyone. People genuinely hate him. And it's because of respect. Shawn Michaels feud after Summerslam.
Santino: What has he done wrong? Unless he's asked for some time off, I can't see why he isn't being used the same. He is gold! His T-shirts are very popular. I'm hoping for a Santino/ Eugene Feud. I hate Eugene... mostly because of Dinsmore's actual talent... but Santino would make this fantastically funny.
Shawn Michaels: Didn't we all just love heel Shawn at the start of the year? The whole JBL thing was great. And then he was doing his best promos again in a semi heel role against the Undertaker. I want more. I want it all. But we get DX and this time It isn't as bad as it has been before. Last time, it was DX... two of the best vets WWE has against... the bosses. Oh dear. Now they're fighting two new stars. Future greats. They need this and it'll be great! I predict a DX win but I can see a Legacy win happening. It'd be a swerve few would expect. I hope the tag team thing stays only for Summerslam. I'm hoping for Shawn/Orton post Summerslam. Eventually, heel Shawn and trade him to Smackdown! Put the belt on him and keep him there for a year. I'd love that so much.
Ted DiBiase: Breaking Point and HIAC should be a feud against Triple H. That'd be fantastic for him. It'd really point exactly where he's heading in 2010. Royal Rumble win is an idea but not my pick. I see him costing Orton the Title at the Rumble and feuding with him and Cody up to Wrestlemania.
Triple H: Feud with Ted after Summerslam. Perhaps a match against John Cena for Rumble title match at Armageddon?
SMACKDOWN:
Charlie Haas: How many gimmicks? Full credit to the guy for keeping it up but when a silent crowd upon entrance is referred to a 'Charlie Haas pop' then I think it's time to go. He needs Shelton Benjamin. Shelton doesn't need him. Shame. I like Charlie too. I've met him. Genuinely nice, polite bloke!
Chris Jericho: Loses the Tag Titles to the Hart Dynasty at Survivor Series. Match against Big Show at Armageddon. Winner of the Royal Rumble and goes onto Wrestlemania! I believe this is going to happen.
CM Punk. Please give him his ROH heel motto. "I am CM Punk. I am Straight Edge. And I am Better Than You!" Heel punk is much better. Although he is very overrated for me, he's a good worker. I don't think he deserves the strap though but if Jeff goes, I can't really see who else should have it. If the Undertaker comes back soon, then he should have a run. Until then, provided Jeff does take a sabbatical, John Morrison should feud with him. Rey and Kane are also options, Matt Hardy maybe. I'd prefer not though.
Curt Hawkins is inactive and I never liked him so I'll pass
Collectively: The Hart Dynasty: Exactly where he needs to be. Should win the tag titles at Survivor Series (or at Bragging Rights - Rematch with JeriShow at Survivor Series) and if Natalya gets the Women's title then we really could be looking at the only three superstars being used exactly right in the entire company.
Dolph Ziggler: I'm not a regular Smackdown watcher so I haven't really seen that much. I do know he is very impressive and is deserving of his spot. From what I've seen though, his gimmick is just not good enough. He's arrogant without any real reason and that is a big gaping hole for me. But on this one, i'm not informed enough to really judge.
Edge: I'm just praying he comes back the same!
Finlay: I'm not really sure why they took him off ECW? He'd just made a heel turn and then they just whipped him away. Sending him back would be the best move. I really can't see him winning any other belt than the ECW.
The Great Khali: How do you clean up a train wreck. This man is an inspiration to all unemployed people out there. You do not need to be good at anything to succeed. Just very very big. He can't wrestle but he wrestles. He can't act but he acts. I'm not sure he can sing but I'm sure he'd get to number one. Does he play the lottery? I just don't want him on the roster anymore.
Jeff Hardy: Probably going away. Won't bother.
Jimmy Wang Yang: When was his last match? I've not seen him in ages. ECW. Cruiserweight.
John Morrison: I see him headlining against Punk at the end of the year.
Cryme Tyme: I suppose they're at the peak of themselves really. They have a similar problem to Kofi. Never really had a feud or a storyline that's been PERSONAL. Needs doing
Kane: I could see him getting a title shot but only one. There isn't really anyone big for Punk to face so he'd fit in nicely for HIAC.
Kung Fu Naki. Not seen him for ages but that's not a shock. I love Funaki. EEEVVVIIIIILLLL, NUMBA ONE ANNOUNCA! and this are all classics for me. Let him long continue.
Matt Hardy: Is face again? Back on Jeff's side? I smell a rat. I expect him to be friendly with Jeff next week but screw him (and injure him) at Summerslam. He'll then get a title shot (as jeff's immediate replacement, being his brother) After that. Feud with Rey for IC?
Mike Knox: I see not one shread of talent in this man. His first ECW stint, he could have been champ. This time round. Awful. Shave the beard and go back to ECW.
R-Truth: I've said this before. Only if they do this split personality thing right has he got a future beyond saying Whassup. Stale gimmick. Lets hope he can pull through because he is really very talented.
Mysterio: Long may he hold the IC belt I say. He could feud against many people on the roster. He's just gotten that big, I wouldn't agrgue with any storyline he gets involved in. Rey... do what you want!
Shad Gaspard: I know. I know. I've already done Cryme Tyme collectively. But I have always seen a lot of potential in Shad. I could see him Main Eventing one day. I even choose him on the Smackdown video games to take through the story mode. Same gimmick. Same attire. It could very easily work.
Who the hell is Slam Master J: Ok I wikipedia'd him. It's Jesse from Jesse and Festus! "BISCUITS AND GRAVY!" As an Englishman, that sounds truely disgusting. I put that in Wiki as well. Turns out it's a scone without the fruit. How very odd. This is all far more interesting than Slam Master J though. ECW. Cruiserweight if he's not to heavy. If he is... Door. Street. Home! He's really a Gordy? Apple fell VERY far from that tree!
The Undertaker: Please return before the Rumble. We need you! Title run as soon as he returns and no mistake. If that happens. Shawn can then kick him in the head, beat him for the belt and we can have ourselves a rematch at WM! Yay!
I won't do ECW. I very seldom watch it.
I'm gonna take a look at the ENTIRE Roster and decide what I feel needs to happen. You guys get the choice of talking about what I say and bashing me or praising me for it... or, if you have the time to kill, you can do one of your own. Awesome!
RAW:
Batista: Currently Injured and out for several months. Not sure when he will return but I'd expect to see him around the Rumble. Batista is not a favourite of mine. He isn't all that impressive in the ring. He's abysmal on the mic and he's booked incorrectly in my opinion. His moniker is 'The Animal' but he behaves like a man. He tries to be funny and cool. He always looks a bit reluctant to destroy someone in a stand off. He should just do it. He should be more animal-like. If he came back and just destroyed Legacy. Hit the ring and punished them. And then did it again the following week. It'd be cool. But I see him doing the first thing but then the week after talking to the fans in the ring about how for so many months he's been out injured and the only thing that kept him going was getting revenge on Legacy blah blah blah. This is bad. It bores people. It makes Batista less interesting. Less talking... more pain. In other words... book him like a BIG MAN!
Big Show: Oooooh, I love and hate the big show. He is great on the mic. He is funny. He is everything Batista tried to be on the mic. I like the new direction. The new attire... not so great but attire does not maketh the man. The whole 'Focused' Big Show is good. I credit Chris Jericho for the improvement most though which leads me to thinking... Big Show ALWAYS needs a manager. Someone to big him up. Tell people what Big Show can do and tell Big Show what he can do. It's what Jericho keeps doing. "He's a monster." "Of course Orton Ran away. You're a Giant" Big Show is a selling point at the min. He's not been one of them in ages.
Carlito: I'm dreading the return of the Carlito/ Chris Masters tag team. It was awful then. It'll be awful now but at least it'll be a tag team. I'm glad he's split from Primo though. I always prefered Carlito as a heel. I'd prefer him on Smackdown in the IC race personally but he's OK on raw. A feud with Evan Bourne could be good.
Chavo: Chavo is so misused. I've said before how they should use him and it is not for comic relief. That's not a good place to be when the source of humour is being laughed at. Santino is a perfect example of Comic Relief. He IS being funny. Chavo is just being embarrassed. The solution. Make him Cheat To Win! Do it against Hornswoggle. Then get involved in the US Title division using the same tactic. The best part of it is it can work for both heel and face. Perfect.
Chris Masters: Ironically, the best thing for Masters would be to reform the tag team of Masters and Carlito. The Masterlock Challenge is a great idea. It made him look awesome. Really strong and powerful. Made the move look more devastating that any other, being that most finishers do get reversed or kicked out of every now and then. NOONE Could break the masterlock. It was awesome. But did he ever do anything? No. Nothing. So unless he wins the US belt, I don't want to see it. And if he hasn't got that, there isn't much left. Sorry Chris.
Cody Rhodes: I see him sticking with Orton. He is nowhere near as good as Ted, he's not talented enough to be given a upper mid card spot alone just yet. He will be. But not yet. I don't see him staying on Raw after the next draft. He'll probably have a long feud with Ted post Rumble up to Wrestlemania.
Evan Bourne: I don't agree with him being on Raw. I really don't. I personally feel they should have kept him on ECW and reintroduced the Cruiserweight belt in ECW. It'd make sense. I just don't know where he fits on Raw.
Festus: Release him. Please. Useless. He's in a worse boat than Chavo. People aren't actually laughing at him even though that's the intention. That's dire. For his sake, let him go.
Swagger: Enough with the childish chest thumping. It looks ridiculous and does not fit his character at all. They need to sort out what his gimmick is. Is he cocky. Is he smug. Is he a coward? Apparantly all three. Not good. I hate him on the mic. Not because of the lisp. That doesn't bother me. It's just that all he says is his own name and nick name. "The All American American Jack Swagger" What's the point of this? We know. It's on your entrance video. I hope he has a good three month feud with MVP. MVP winning at Summerslam. Swagger winning at Breaking Point (Submission Match) and then HIAC makes the rubber match. Winner gets a title shot at the Rumble maybe?
Noble: Is he seriously still on Raw? Jesus. He's not been used well since 2003. ECW. Cruiserweight Title again. Please.
Duggan: Ugh... I'm not even bothering.
John Cena: People call the sport of Professional Wrestling a pantomime with violence. To which I can see where they're coming from. But does John Cena really need to talk like he is actually in one... OH NO HE DOESN'T! (You see what I did there?) He has that bouncy up and down voice. I know the gimmick is that he is a fun loving nice guy who can bring it just like the best of them but it's highly unnecessary. Long Winded is the adjective... and coming from me, a man who is VERY long winded, that's saying something. But in all honesty, Cena is exactly where he needs to be. A tag Titles feud for the next month after Summerslam is the best thing to do with him right now. Miz as partner.
Kofi Kingston: Give him a story. Give him a feud. Give him something. All he does right now is Boom gestures and smile. He needs more dimension.
Mark Henry: Why is he face? Why all of a sudden does he like to have fun? Why all of a sudden has NOONE mentioned how much a dick he has been over the past few years? And since when has a change from black tights to a different colour and a smile on his face been sufficient material for a face turn? I bet the writing staff thought long and hard about that one.
So from being all dominating in ECW, they think pairing him with Hornswoggle is a good move? No. US Title hunt. Feud with Kofi...as a heel. Have him Strongest Slam Kofi's sister or something to stop Kofi smiling.
MVP: Stick with the Swagger thing but play on the criminal thing! God damn the PG13 nonsense. Triple H is allowed to attack Orton and his wife with a sledgehammer but MVP has to repent for his past everytime his prison time is mentioned. MVP is a former criminal. Don't stress the former part. Have him punch Swagger in the face. Rather than just smirking at him in a 'That's what I thought' manner. MVP... You want some? Go get some! It's boring!
Primo. See Bourne/ Noble. Nothing on Raw for him. They didn't even let him have a proper 'My brother has turned on me' feud. It was just done on Raw... which noone watched.
Randy Orton. Stick with this gimmick. The Viper is brilliant. Orton works the crowd better than anyone. People genuinely hate him. And it's because of respect. Shawn Michaels feud after Summerslam.
Santino: What has he done wrong? Unless he's asked for some time off, I can't see why he isn't being used the same. He is gold! His T-shirts are very popular. I'm hoping for a Santino/ Eugene Feud. I hate Eugene... mostly because of Dinsmore's actual talent... but Santino would make this fantastically funny.
Shawn Michaels: Didn't we all just love heel Shawn at the start of the year? The whole JBL thing was great. And then he was doing his best promos again in a semi heel role against the Undertaker. I want more. I want it all. But we get DX and this time It isn't as bad as it has been before. Last time, it was DX... two of the best vets WWE has against... the bosses. Oh dear. Now they're fighting two new stars. Future greats. They need this and it'll be great! I predict a DX win but I can see a Legacy win happening. It'd be a swerve few would expect. I hope the tag team thing stays only for Summerslam. I'm hoping for Shawn/Orton post Summerslam. Eventually, heel Shawn and trade him to Smackdown! Put the belt on him and keep him there for a year. I'd love that so much.
Ted DiBiase: Breaking Point and HIAC should be a feud against Triple H. That'd be fantastic for him. It'd really point exactly where he's heading in 2010. Royal Rumble win is an idea but not my pick. I see him costing Orton the Title at the Rumble and feuding with him and Cody up to Wrestlemania.
Triple H: Feud with Ted after Summerslam. Perhaps a match against John Cena for Rumble title match at Armageddon?
SMACKDOWN:
Charlie Haas: How many gimmicks? Full credit to the guy for keeping it up but when a silent crowd upon entrance is referred to a 'Charlie Haas pop' then I think it's time to go. He needs Shelton Benjamin. Shelton doesn't need him. Shame. I like Charlie too. I've met him. Genuinely nice, polite bloke!
Chris Jericho: Loses the Tag Titles to the Hart Dynasty at Survivor Series. Match against Big Show at Armageddon. Winner of the Royal Rumble and goes onto Wrestlemania! I believe this is going to happen.
CM Punk. Please give him his ROH heel motto. "I am CM Punk. I am Straight Edge. And I am Better Than You!" Heel punk is much better. Although he is very overrated for me, he's a good worker. I don't think he deserves the strap though but if Jeff goes, I can't really see who else should have it. If the Undertaker comes back soon, then he should have a run. Until then, provided Jeff does take a sabbatical, John Morrison should feud with him. Rey and Kane are also options, Matt Hardy maybe. I'd prefer not though.
Curt Hawkins is inactive and I never liked him so I'll pass
Collectively: The Hart Dynasty: Exactly where he needs to be. Should win the tag titles at Survivor Series (or at Bragging Rights - Rematch with JeriShow at Survivor Series) and if Natalya gets the Women's title then we really could be looking at the only three superstars being used exactly right in the entire company.
Dolph Ziggler: I'm not a regular Smackdown watcher so I haven't really seen that much. I do know he is very impressive and is deserving of his spot. From what I've seen though, his gimmick is just not good enough. He's arrogant without any real reason and that is a big gaping hole for me. But on this one, i'm not informed enough to really judge.
Edge: I'm just praying he comes back the same!
Finlay: I'm not really sure why they took him off ECW? He'd just made a heel turn and then they just whipped him away. Sending him back would be the best move. I really can't see him winning any other belt than the ECW.
The Great Khali: How do you clean up a train wreck. This man is an inspiration to all unemployed people out there. You do not need to be good at anything to succeed. Just very very big. He can't wrestle but he wrestles. He can't act but he acts. I'm not sure he can sing but I'm sure he'd get to number one. Does he play the lottery? I just don't want him on the roster anymore.
Jeff Hardy: Probably going away. Won't bother.
Jimmy Wang Yang: When was his last match? I've not seen him in ages. ECW. Cruiserweight.
John Morrison: I see him headlining against Punk at the end of the year.
Cryme Tyme: I suppose they're at the peak of themselves really. They have a similar problem to Kofi. Never really had a feud or a storyline that's been PERSONAL. Needs doing
Kane: I could see him getting a title shot but only one. There isn't really anyone big for Punk to face so he'd fit in nicely for HIAC.
Kung Fu Naki. Not seen him for ages but that's not a shock. I love Funaki. EEEVVVIIIIILLLL, NUMBA ONE ANNOUNCA! and this are all classics for me. Let him long continue.
Matt Hardy: Is face again? Back on Jeff's side? I smell a rat. I expect him to be friendly with Jeff next week but screw him (and injure him) at Summerslam. He'll then get a title shot (as jeff's immediate replacement, being his brother) After that. Feud with Rey for IC?
Mike Knox: I see not one shread of talent in this man. His first ECW stint, he could have been champ. This time round. Awful. Shave the beard and go back to ECW.
R-Truth: I've said this before. Only if they do this split personality thing right has he got a future beyond saying Whassup. Stale gimmick. Lets hope he can pull through because he is really very talented.
Mysterio: Long may he hold the IC belt I say. He could feud against many people on the roster. He's just gotten that big, I wouldn't agrgue with any storyline he gets involved in. Rey... do what you want!
Shad Gaspard: I know. I know. I've already done Cryme Tyme collectively. But I have always seen a lot of potential in Shad. I could see him Main Eventing one day. I even choose him on the Smackdown video games to take through the story mode. Same gimmick. Same attire. It could very easily work.
Who the hell is Slam Master J: Ok I wikipedia'd him. It's Jesse from Jesse and Festus! "BISCUITS AND GRAVY!" As an Englishman, that sounds truely disgusting. I put that in Wiki as well. Turns out it's a scone without the fruit. How very odd. This is all far more interesting than Slam Master J though. ECW. Cruiserweight if he's not to heavy. If he is... Door. Street. Home! He's really a Gordy? Apple fell VERY far from that tree!
The Undertaker: Please return before the Rumble. We need you! Title run as soon as he returns and no mistake. If that happens. Shawn can then kick him in the head, beat him for the belt and we can have ourselves a rematch at WM! Yay!
I won't do ECW. I very seldom watch it.
