We all now there's a recession and financial crisis and blah blah blah, so WWE should be really concerned about making some extra money. I have so kindly volunteered to become cheif financial advisor of the WWE and have come up with 5 solid strategies for making some Benjamins.
1. Cryme Tyme Pays
After living on the streets as little boys, Shad Gaspard and JTG know that you have to do whatever it takes to get ahead. They've shown that in the WWE by "borrowing" things such as Trevor Murdoch's hat and Pricelss's Tag Team Titles. Surely they are financially secure after doing this kind of thing throughout their tenure in the WWE.
This is why the WWE shouldn't bother putting the Cryme Tyme on TV as wrestlers anymore and should hire them as permanent "fund raisers" for the company. At every WWE live event; there are more than a few wealthy fans who carry around a decent amount of pocket change. The fact is these people don't actually need the money. Their lives are good enough as it is, so it will be the job of Shad and JTG to relieve them of their monetary burden and give it to the WWE.
Think Robin Hood, except instead of wealthy royalty you have innocent WWE fans and instead of peasants you have a multi billion dollar global company. With their years of experience, Cryme Tyme will surely not get caught doing their job and they will raise a decent amount of money for the company, at least more than they are bringing in as wrestlers.
2. Utilize Haas
Remember a few months ago when Charlie Haas's gimmick was dressing up as other wrestlers week after week. Carlito, The Great Khali, Beth Phoenix, John Cena, Hulk Hogan, JBL, Jimmy Snuka, MVP, and JR were all privileged to be portrayed by the ultra-talented Haas. It was the most entertaining time of Haas's career but for some reason it eventually stopped.
Now, with some many wrestlers under contract WWE spends a considerable portion of its funds on wrestler's salary. I believe this cost could be cut significantly if WWE made about 10 to 15 cuts of main roster wrestler, and replaced them all with one man, Charlie Haas.
Why pay Ricky Ortiz, Chavo Guerrero, Koslov, Jimmy Wang Yang, Cody Rhodes, Batista, and Matt Hardy when Charlie Haas could portray them all for a fraction of the cost. Who cares about the mid card and tag team divisions anyway? Replacing several wrestlers with Haas could save a ton of money while upping the entertainment factor.
3. It's All About the Kids...
By focusing on children during this PG era of the WWE, the company could make some extra cash. There are plenty of whiny little brats out there that get everything they want from mommy and daddy, so why not make that thing the WWE product.
I know that WWE is already selling T-shirts, masks, and actions figures, but I really think that can step it up a notch. Instead of wasting their time of strait to DVD videos of crappy movies like "12 Rounds", the WWE should produce some more kid-friendly movies featuring some of its biggest stars.
By making a deal with Disney, the WWE could open it's self up to a whole new audience of children. I can just picture it now, "High School Musical 4" featuring John Cena as the shy new kid who becomes friends with the jock/singer Triple H. There can also be guest appearances of some popular Disney shows. How does Jeff Hardy on "Hannah Montana" sound? It's every teenage girls dream.
Of course it doesn't have to stop there. WWE can focus on even younger audiences. CM Punk on "Blues Clues" and Edge as the voice of the newest "Baby Einstein" videos would be huge success. The possibilities are endless for the kids, but there's always the older audience as well.
4. ... But Sex Sells
While WWE could make a lot of money by marketing towards children, they could make 5 times as much by using an "adult" marketing campaign. Everyone can agree that the WWE Diva's are hot as hell, but why should we be limited to seeing them in the ring for 5 minutes a night when we can see them for a couple of hours on DVD?
If the WWE Divas starred in pornos there would be millions upon millions of wrestling fans that would buy them and watch them over and over again. Think about Mickie James and Kelly Kelly rolling around together like on Raw, except instead of ring gear they are wearing nothing but a pair of high heels.
Of course it doesn't have to stop with movies. There are plenty of big shots at WWE events who would be willing to spend big bucks to go "one on one" with a few WWE Divas. I'm sure a few of the ladies in the WWE would prostitutes in the past anyway, so they could teach the others how the business goes. Of course, this would have worked a lot better if Candice was still employed.
5. Pyramid Schemes
They've been around for generations and it's an easy way to make some quick cash. The idea is simple really. Identify a few willing and gullible suspects. Tell them that while they are at the bottom of the pyramid now, by investing their money and working hard they will eventually be at the top.
Of course, the WWE would have to make sure to get rid of them before they actually reached the top in order to insure they were the only ones that made a profit out of it. In all honesty, I can't take full credit for this idea. I have a feeling the WWE has already used this technique with the likes of Mr. Kennedy and Umaga.
Well, there it is. Hopefully WWE listens to my ideas because if they do, they will surely become the richest and most successful company in the world today, that is if Vince doesn't fuck up and get ripped off by Donald Trump again.
1. Cryme Tyme Pays
After living on the streets as little boys, Shad Gaspard and JTG know that you have to do whatever it takes to get ahead. They've shown that in the WWE by "borrowing" things such as Trevor Murdoch's hat and Pricelss's Tag Team Titles. Surely they are financially secure after doing this kind of thing throughout their tenure in the WWE.
This is why the WWE shouldn't bother putting the Cryme Tyme on TV as wrestlers anymore and should hire them as permanent "fund raisers" for the company. At every WWE live event; there are more than a few wealthy fans who carry around a decent amount of pocket change. The fact is these people don't actually need the money. Their lives are good enough as it is, so it will be the job of Shad and JTG to relieve them of their monetary burden and give it to the WWE.
Think Robin Hood, except instead of wealthy royalty you have innocent WWE fans and instead of peasants you have a multi billion dollar global company. With their years of experience, Cryme Tyme will surely not get caught doing their job and they will raise a decent amount of money for the company, at least more than they are bringing in as wrestlers.
2. Utilize Haas
Remember a few months ago when Charlie Haas's gimmick was dressing up as other wrestlers week after week. Carlito, The Great Khali, Beth Phoenix, John Cena, Hulk Hogan, JBL, Jimmy Snuka, MVP, and JR were all privileged to be portrayed by the ultra-talented Haas. It was the most entertaining time of Haas's career but for some reason it eventually stopped.
Now, with some many wrestlers under contract WWE spends a considerable portion of its funds on wrestler's salary. I believe this cost could be cut significantly if WWE made about 10 to 15 cuts of main roster wrestler, and replaced them all with one man, Charlie Haas.
Why pay Ricky Ortiz, Chavo Guerrero, Koslov, Jimmy Wang Yang, Cody Rhodes, Batista, and Matt Hardy when Charlie Haas could portray them all for a fraction of the cost. Who cares about the mid card and tag team divisions anyway? Replacing several wrestlers with Haas could save a ton of money while upping the entertainment factor.
3. It's All About the Kids...
By focusing on children during this PG era of the WWE, the company could make some extra cash. There are plenty of whiny little brats out there that get everything they want from mommy and daddy, so why not make that thing the WWE product.
I know that WWE is already selling T-shirts, masks, and actions figures, but I really think that can step it up a notch. Instead of wasting their time of strait to DVD videos of crappy movies like "12 Rounds", the WWE should produce some more kid-friendly movies featuring some of its biggest stars.
By making a deal with Disney, the WWE could open it's self up to a whole new audience of children. I can just picture it now, "High School Musical 4" featuring John Cena as the shy new kid who becomes friends with the jock/singer Triple H. There can also be guest appearances of some popular Disney shows. How does Jeff Hardy on "Hannah Montana" sound? It's every teenage girls dream.
Of course it doesn't have to stop there. WWE can focus on even younger audiences. CM Punk on "Blues Clues" and Edge as the voice of the newest "Baby Einstein" videos would be huge success. The possibilities are endless for the kids, but there's always the older audience as well.
4. ... But Sex Sells
While WWE could make a lot of money by marketing towards children, they could make 5 times as much by using an "adult" marketing campaign. Everyone can agree that the WWE Diva's are hot as hell, but why should we be limited to seeing them in the ring for 5 minutes a night when we can see them for a couple of hours on DVD?
If the WWE Divas starred in pornos there would be millions upon millions of wrestling fans that would buy them and watch them over and over again. Think about Mickie James and Kelly Kelly rolling around together like on Raw, except instead of ring gear they are wearing nothing but a pair of high heels.
Of course it doesn't have to stop with movies. There are plenty of big shots at WWE events who would be willing to spend big bucks to go "one on one" with a few WWE Divas. I'm sure a few of the ladies in the WWE would prostitutes in the past anyway, so they could teach the others how the business goes. Of course, this would have worked a lot better if Candice was still employed.
5. Pyramid Schemes
They've been around for generations and it's an easy way to make some quick cash. The idea is simple really. Identify a few willing and gullible suspects. Tell them that while they are at the bottom of the pyramid now, by investing their money and working hard they will eventually be at the top.
Of course, the WWE would have to make sure to get rid of them before they actually reached the top in order to insure they were the only ones that made a profit out of it. In all honesty, I can't take full credit for this idea. I have a feeling the WWE has already used this technique with the likes of Mr. Kennedy and Umaga.
Well, there it is. Hopefully WWE listens to my ideas because if they do, they will surely become the richest and most successful company in the world today, that is if Vince doesn't fuck up and get ripped off by Donald Trump again.
