klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Monday Night Raw
Date: August 17, 2015
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton
It's the go home show for Summerslam and we're in Brock Lesnar's hometown. Lesnar is in the house tonight for a showdown with the Undertaker, which is probably the best chance WWE will have at getting Undertaker booed in this whole story. Other than that we have another staredown between John Cena and Seth Rollins before their title for title match on Sunday. Let's get to it.
With no opening sequence, here are HHH and Stephanie to get things going. Stephanie says this is like Christmas morning when you're waiting to open your presents. Shouldn't that be Christmas Eve? There is very little waiting to open presents on Christmas morning. They plug the $9.99 price of course, which has basically become their catchphrase. HHH runs through the card and Stephanie makes sure to call Cena and Rollins' match from a month ago infamous.
What exactly is infamous about that match? I mean, there was a big moment, but that doesn't make it infamous. They throw in that Jon Stewart is the official host, with Stephanie of course turning it into a press release because just saying “former Daily Show host Jon Stewart” is too low key for her. We're promised a big week and a big night so it's time to start things up.
Randy Orton/Cesaro vs. Kevin Owens/Sheamus
A few notes during the entrances. First of all, I have time to make notes during the entrances despite Orton coming out before the break. Back from the break and his music is still playing and we waste time on the entrances. Second, Sportscenter is broadcasting from Summerslam this Sunday, which is really awesome. Cesaro and Sheamus get things going but the fans want Orton instead. Fans: “YOU LOOK STUPID!” Sheamus rolls to the floor and says “respect the hawk!”
Back in and a shoulder sends Sheamus outside again as they're starting slowly here. Owens gets his turn and cuts Orton off from making a tag in a wily move. That earns him a clothesline and now Orton makes the tag (with a big windup to play to the crowd), allowing Cesaro to come in for a delayed suplex. A running uppercut sends Owens to the floor and us to a break.
We come back with Owens hammering on Orton and sending him into Sheamus' raised boot. Off to a chinlock for a bit before Orton throws Owens down and makes the hot tag to Cesaro. House is cleaned as it often is during a hot tag, but Sheamus gets in a shot to slow Cesaro down. Sheamus goes up but dives into an uppercut for two but is still able to send Cesaro over the top and (eventually) out to the floor.
Orton is fine with that as he sneaks up on Sheamus for the hanging DDT. Owens tries to come in but.....doesn't take the RKO. That looked a bit botched as Owens didn't go down, which I'm sure is due to his overwhelming fat and total inability to connect with an audience so he should probably lost five matches in a row. Instead Sheamus takes the RKO for the pin at 13:30.
Video on Undertaker and Lesnar's issues since Battleground.
Undertaker, covered in smoke and shadows, talks about the reaper calling your name, which means it's over. The hounds are baying for Lesnar's soul and the gates are opening to welcome him to his eternal punishment. Brock's name has been called and he will never rest in peace.
Here's Rollins breaking Cena's nose, in case you missed it the first 1938 times.
Rollins says the contract signing tonight will seal the deal for Sunday. The Authority agrees, but Rollins has one more request. When he wins on Sunday and becomes the first double champion, he deserves a spot among the legends, like a statue. Stephanie actually agrees.
Roman Reigns vs. Luke Harper
Ambrose is on commentary. Reigns starts slugging away to start (shocking) as Dean tries to figure out how Harper is part of Bray's family. Byron asks Dean why the two families hate each other. Dean: “It's like cats hating dogs. I don't know why they hate each other either but we hate the Wyatts too.” Reigns kicks away at Harper and clotheslines him out to the floor, setting up the running apron boot as we take a break.
Back with Harper holding a chinlock and Dean keeping his eye on Bray. Reigns finally suplexes out but Harper hits one of the best big boots I've ever seen for two. Even Dean just went quiet when that connected. Reigns fights out of the Gator Roll and wins another slugout before mixing things up a bit with a t-bone suplex. They head outside for a nice clothesline off the apron to drop Harper but Roman can't follow up. Back in and Reigns hits what feels like his 10th clothesline of the match, followed by a Samoan drop for two.
The Superman Punch is loaded up but Harper is smart enough to go outside, suckering Roman in for a superkick. Harper shrugs off a Superman Punch through the apron and grabs Winds of Change (called that by Cole, even though that's Barrett's name for it) for two more. Another superkick (dang these guys are repetitive) is followed by a nice sitout powerbomb but Reigns kicks out one more time. A second Superman Punch sets up the spear to give Reigns the pin at 15:00.
Post match Bray grabs Harper's head and says follow the buzzards.
Becky Lynch vs. Tamina
Tamina easily shoves Becky down to start and catches her in something like a swinging Rock Bottom for two. We're in an early chinlock as the announcers ramble about how awesome this revolution is. Becky fights up and springboards into a kick to the chest, followed by a missile dropkick for two. Tamina tries another slam, only to have Becky roll through into the Disarm-Her for the tap at 4:02.
Rusev vs. Mark Henry
Lana is on commentary. Henry comes out with the American flag and throws Rusev around to start with some powerslams for two. They head outside with Henry being sent into the post, setting up the superkick and Accolade for the submission at 2:48.
Post match Lana calls Summer in for a fight and slaps the taste out of her mouth. Now Lana wants Rusev and of course Ziggler returns to continue the feud that no one asked for in the first place. Ziggler cleans house with superkicks before posing with Lana.
Back from a break and Ziggler says he's back to fight Rusev.
Video on the Streak, which was broken by Brock. This is the same video from last week.
Ryback vs. Miz
Non-title with Big Show on commentary to hype up Summerslam and his new direct to DVD movie. Miz rips on Big Show's acting and promises to win the title on Sunday. Some hard chops put Miz down but he goes after the leg, albeit not the one that had the infection. Instead he rips at Ryback's face, earning himself a gorilla press into a powerslam. Miz makes the mistake of diving at Ryback, who catches him in midair and Shell Shocks him at 2:24.
Ryback's challenge to Big Show is declined.
It's time for Cena and Rollins to sign the contract for Sunday. Rollins (whose NEVER SHUTS UP says “YOU CAN'T SEE KNEE” on the back), is out first to suck up to Stephanie before going after the Minnesota Twins for not being very good. He promises to be awesome on Sunday and signs his half. Seth brings up Minnesota's own Bob Dylan and his song “The Times They Are A-Changin.”
For ten years, John Cena has been on the top, but the times are changing. Cena is a disease and Rollins goes on about how Cena won't answer his challenge so here's John in person to respond. Cena brings up the obvious problem with Rollins' arguments: Yeah half of the fans are saying let's go Cena and half of them are chanting Cena sucks, but none of them are saying a word about Rollins. He calls Seth out for being a Cena ripoff who has all the talent in the world with HHH choosing him as proof. HHH even gave him the Pedigree to ensure that his own legacy lasts forever.
Last week Cena was stuck at home due to doctor's orders, but he knew he'd be back. Then it hit him as clear as Rollins' nose. Cena is a fifteen time champion and the back of his shirt says so. It didn't occur to him that he was going to have another chance to win the title until HHH brought it up. This Sunday, Cena proves that Rollins is a footnote instead of the future. The difference between HHH and Rollins is HHH was never Ric Flair's b#*$&. This Sunday, Cena is making Rollins his. As usual, Cena nails the hard sell like no one else can.
New Day/Los Matadores vs. Prime Time Players/Lucha Dragons
Oh look: another match we've seen before. Titus throws Diego around to start but Woods and Torito get in a fight for a distraction, allowing Kalisto to hurricanrana Diego for the pin at 2:10.
Ziggler vs. Rusev is official for Sunday.
Recap of last week with Stephen Amell and Stardust, leading to their tag match on Sunday.
Stardust and Barrett give us a public service announcement about destroying Amell and Neville this Sunday. Barrett is given some new armor and proclaims himself the Cosmic King.
Nikki Bella vs. Sasha Banks
Non-title because it's still August. Nikki shoves her away for some jumping jacks before Sasha does the same. Byron brings up holding the gold and having the power, which immediately translates into what it means if the Bellas lose a non-title match on Sunday. We hit the chinlock on Sasha and finally hear something about Saturday's Takeover. Sasha fights up and smashes Nikki in the face, followed by the double knees to the ribs for a nice reaction. Some pushups take us to a break.
Back with Sasha holding a chinlock until Nikki fights out (which seems like it was supposed to receive a face reaction. Seriously) and grabs an Alabama Slam for two. A loud WE WANT LESNAR chant starts up as Nikki powers up into an electric chair. The Rack Attack is loaded up but a Naomi distraction lets Banks roll through into the Bank Statement for the tap out at 10:41.
Another video of the Streak being broken.
Here's Heyman to introduce Lesnar, whose music starts at 11:01. Confetti falls and Brock gets the hero's welcome he rarely receives. Heyman sings: “Mine eyes have seen the glory of the conqueror, my lord.” After his third chorus of GLORY GLORY BROCK LESNAR, the gong strikes. The lights come back up and there's.....no Undertaker.
Heyman asks if Jedi mind tricks are the best Undertaker has. This Sunday, Brock will take God, the devil and the Undertaker to Suplex City. Paul goes over the Battleground story again but asks why Undertaker had to kick Brock low. Undertaker did it because he knew he couldn't beat Brock, just like he never has before.
You can put Undertaker in the ring with anyone and Undertaker will have a tombstone waiting for them. However, Undertaker is in the ring with a Beast instead of a man. Heyman rants about Brock not respecting anything Undertaker has done and there go the lights again. This time it's Undertaker in the ring and he kicks Brock low again. A chokeslam plants Brock and a tombstone does the same (with Brock's head a good six inches above the mat. Thanks editing team) to end the show.
Results
Randy Orton/Cesaro b. Sheamus/Kevin Owens – RKO to Sheamus
Roman Reigns b. Luke Harper – Spear
Becky Lynch b. Tamina – Disarm-Her
Rusev b. Mark Henry – Accolade
Ryback b. Miz – Shell Shock
Lucha Dragons/Prime Time Players b. Los Matadores/New Day – Hurricanrana to Diego
Sasha Banks b. Nikki Bella – Bank Statement
Tuesday
Nothing.
Wednesday
NXT
Date: August 19, 2015
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Byron Saxton, Corey Graves, Rich Brennan
It's the go home show for Takeover: Brooklyn and the card is pretty much set in stone, meaning tonight is all about the final build. This Saturday is going to be the biggest show in NXT history with 13,000 fans in attendance, so hopefully this show sets the stage in a very big way. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of Finn Balor destroying Marcus Louis last week but getting attacked by Kevin Owens, including the Pop Up Powerbomb to leave the champion laying.
The recaps continue with a look at Bayley pinning Becky Lynch last week to earn a shot at Women's Champion Sasha Banks. The staredown with Sasha made me want to see the match even more than I already did. Assuming Bayley wins the title (and Heaven help them if she doesn't), the eruption is going to be off the charts.
Opening sequence.
Here's NXT GM William Regal to open things up with a good old fashioned contract signing. It's Bayley out first with Regal pointing out that she defeated Emma, Charlotte and Becky Lynch to earn the shot. Imagine that: earning a title shot because you beat all the contenders. Banks comes out and sees the girl Bayley hugged in the front row, who she promises to make cry. Now THAT is a heel.
Bayley thanks the fans and says she couldn't be here without them. She's had these title matches before but she's let it slip through her fingers. Fan: “NOT THIS TIME!” Bayley: “Yeah that's right.” She knows the people can feel it, she knows Regal can feel it and she thinks Sasha can feel it too. Bayley signs but Sasha mocks her for having such a big moment. Fans: “Let's go Bayley!” Sasha: “There's a reason the show is in Brooklyn and not here.” That earns her some of the loudest booing in her career.
Sasha promises to show Bayley why she's the boss and stamps her signature on the contract. The champ goes to leave but Bayley says she's watched a lot of WWE and this isn't how contract signings end. Sasha isn't scared because she isn't Becky or Charlotte. Bayley really thinks she's a role model to all the little girls in the audience? Sasha is the real role model because she's going to teach them that fairy tales don't have happy endings.
It's not worth her time to fight Bayley tonight because Bayley is just not worth it. Banks leaves and Bayley looks like she's about to cry but goes after Banks on the ramp until referees break it up. I haven't wanted to see a match like this in a long time, probably all the way back to the first Shield vs. Wyatt Family match. As they always do, NXT knows how to take their time to build up a match, but more importantly they know how to build to a moment. I'm to the point where I have to see Bayley win the title and it's going to be one of the best moments in a long time, even if it seems so obvious. Hopefully it's not too obvious.
Apollo Crews video.
Tyler Breeze vs. ???
Breeze has a Liger mask to hang on the corner. The jobber doesn't even have a name and the Supermodel Kick takes him out at 35 seconds.
Breeze puts the Liger mask on the guy post match and says he's heard great things about Liger but he really isn't impressed. Everyone here wants a little preview of what they can expect, so there's a Beauty Shot to the jobber with Breeze counting his own pin.
Hype Bros/Enzo Amore/Colin Cassady vs. ???/???/???/???
Cass thinks that any Joe Schmo who wants to go toe to toe with him, Zo, Mojo and the Bro can only be described in one word. Mojo cranks on one of the nameless jobber's wrists before it's off to Ryder to send him into the buckle. Even the announcers aren't naming these guys. A middle rope dropkick with Ryder landing on top for a cover connects before it's off to Enzo to stay on the arm.
The first jobber brings Enzo to the corner for a tag to the guy in a shirt like Rollins used to wear for a kick to the head. Jobber #3's chinlock doesn't last long and the hot tag brings in Big Cass to clean house. Everything breaks down and the first jobber takes the Broski Boot, followed by #4 getting Cass' side slam and the Rocket Launcher for the pin at 3:08.
Dash Wilder/Scott Dawson/Chad Gable/Jason Jordan say it's going to be a bit more difficult for the Hype Bros/Enzo/Cass next week. Gable does his ready, willing and Gable line and his teammates groan.
Samoa Joe vs. Steve Cutler
The Rock Bottom out of the corner and the Koquina Clutch end Cutler in 33 seconds.
Corbin jumps Joe from behind and throws him back in the ring for End of Days.
The new and improved Bull Dempsey is here next week.
Blake/Murphy vs. Angelo Dawkins/Sawyer Fulton
Non-title. Fans: “Come on Blakey let's go party.” I hate that song but good night that's brilliant. Dawkins armdrags Blake down to start and dropkicks both champions down. Blake gets in a few shots but a shoulder puts him down and it's off to Fulton to clean house. A swinging gutwrench suplex plants Murphy but he pops back up for the running suplex into Blake's frog splash for the pin at 3:39.
Post match the Vaudevillains come out to introduce their counter to Bliss. Before they can say anything though, Bliss comes up and slaps them both twice. Fans: “WE WANT BLUE PANTS!”
Next week it's Carmella vs. Eva Marie, which is one of the matches being taped before Takeover. Also next week, the eight man tag mentioned earlier and Charlotte vs. Emma vs. Becky Lynch vs. Dana Brooke.
Here's Kevin Owens with a ladder for his last speech before the title match. After annoying the fans by bringing up Brooklyn, Owens calls the fans hypocrites for hating Takeover not being here in Florida. These are the same fans who chant FIGHT OWENS FIGHT, unless he's laying a finger on Sami Zayn or mentioning John Cena, which makes them boo. If he talks about beating John Cena though, everyone cheers. The NXT fans are the John Cena of wrestling fans because nothing genuine comes out of their mouths.
They talk about wanting NXT to succeed and grow but then they boo when it's selling out a 13,000 seat arena (“which only sold out once I was in the main event”
because it's being taken away from then. He's sick of coming here and performing in front of trash like this. However, it's going to make him feel better to beat a clown like Balor in front of a crowd worthy of seeing him. As for Balor, he needs to understand that Japan was a fluke.
What Owens has done to guys like Sami Zayn is nothing because now he needs the NXT Title to shove it in the faces of these stupid fans. Saturday is going to be destroy Owens destroy and climb Owens climb. Fans: “FALL OWENS FALL!” Owens is on top of the ladder and there go the lights.
Balor is sitting on the top rope so Owens wisely climbs back down. They don't wait for the brawl and Owens is knocked to the floor with a big ladder shot to the face. Fans: “RUN OWENS RUN!” Balor climbs the ladder and says he's retaining the title and shutting Owens' mouth on Saturday.
Results
Tyler Breeze b. ??? – Supermodel Kick
Hype Bros/Enzo Amore/Colin Cassady b. ???/???/???/??? – Rocket Launcher
Samoa Joe b. Steve Cutler – Koquina Clutch
Blake/Murphy b. Angelo Dawkins/Sawyer Fulton – Frog splash to Fulton
Impact Wrestling
Date: August 19, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D'Angelo Dinero
We're at war! Well, sort of. Last week the Global Force roster (well some of it at least) arrived to help out, with GFW boss Jeff Jarrett insisting that it was certainly not an invasion. It's not clear where things go from here but they're here for another night and Jarrett is in charge again. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of last week with PJ Black winning the King of the Mountain Title.
Tonight is Turning Point, despite it being a pretty standard show.
Here are the Jarretts to get things going. Jeff says everyone is buzzing about last week and Global Force has turned the wrestling world upside down. Uh, yeah that's one way to put it Jeff. Tonight it's time to make history though as PJ Black is challenging Ethan Carter III for the TNA World Title. This brings out Ethan, who says he isn't fighting Black tonight.
Karen Jarrett tells Ethan who Jeff is and reminds him that Jeff still has ownership in this company. Maybe Ethan is upset because his aunt picked Jeff to be in charge instead of him. Then you had Bully Ray and Drew Galloway stand up and get attacked. Where was Ethan when that happened? Ethan goes to leave but Jeff threatens to call the board of directors and have him stripped of the title if he doesn't defend tonight.
Drew Galloway wants to know what's going on with the attacks on him and Bully Ray. He thinks it was Eli Drake, who he has in a No DQ match tonight.
Bram vs. Mr. Anderson
This is an Open Mic challenge, meaning the microphone is above the ring and can be used as a weapon. Anderson starts fast with some clotheslines and it's already table time. Shouldn't that be a DQ since it's not the mic? The rules say nothing about tables. The Regal Roll through the table crushes Bram but knocks Anderson silly at the same time. Bram stops Anderson's climb up the ladder (notice that this is the second ladder based match in a week) and plants him with the Brighter Side of Suffering.
It's still not enough to let Bram get the mic so he throws in about ten chairs. Another Brighter Side of Suffering is countered and Anderson whips him into the ladder. Anderson takes too long going up though and gets powerbombed onto the chairs, allowing Bram to go get the mic. He takes too long talking trash though, allowing Anderson to Mic Check him onto the chairs. Some mic shots to the head knock Bram silly so Anderson can say he didn't understand a word Bram just said. One last mic shot to the head is enough to pin Bram at 9:08.
Jeff Jarrett blows Bobby Roode off.
Ethan doesn't want to be stripped of the title.
Here's the Revolution with something to say. Storm says they may not be blood, but their bond to each other makes them family. Some people have said that Storm was too hard on someone, so get out here now Khoya. Here's Mahabali Sheera (formerly known as Khoya), who Storm admits he might have been too hard on. Storm says he was hard on Sheera to show him the way. Sheera came to this country knowing nothing so Storm took him under his wing and into his home.
That's why Storm wants him back in the Revolution, but Khoya says his name is Mahabali Sheera and he is his own man who won't be slapped around like trash. Who slaps trash? Like these people, he likes to have fun and to dance. Everyone here must like to dance, so Sheera goes to the floor and starts to dance as Storm looks like he's about to explode. By dance I mean cross his arms and move his shoulders back and forth.
Sheera gets back in the ring and punches Storm, earning him a beatdown from Abyss. A chokeslam puts Sheera down and Manik gives him a reluctant frog splash, setting up the Last Call from Storm. So they broke Khoya out of the Revolution and now he's a dancer. Why am I even slightly surprised by this?
PJ Black says he's winning the title tonight. Eric Young comes in and says he's taking what he wants from whoever he wants.
Jade/Marti Belle vs. Gail Kim
In a cage with pins, submissions or escape. Gail rolls around and forearms both girls to start before scoring with a double clothesline. Jade starts choking, which is totally legal because Florida laws are suspended if a cage match is in progress. They send Gail into the cage and it's time for a break.
Back with Jade breaking up Gail's armbreaker on Marti and the double teaming begins. It's time to climb the cage and Gail is able to hurricanrana Marti down, only to get decked by Jade for two. Gail is sat on top but shoves both girls off, only to have Kim climb up and dive onto the Dollhouse. A DDT puts Jade and Marti down for two but Marti is up to stomp away. That's fine with Gail who suplexes both of them down and Marti cross bodies Jade by mistake, setting up Eat Defeat to pin Marti at 9:46.
Dixie tells Ethan that he's either defending or he's stripped. In other words, this segment changes nothing whatsoever and really didn't need to be included.
Back from a break with Gail, who Josh describes as the greatest Knockout of all time, is looking for Taryn.
Matt Hardy promises to be in Ethan's face no matter what. This earns him a match with Tyrus.
Eli Drake, with a leather X across his chest (think He-Man), says he's going to prove that he's better than Drew Galloway.
Drew Galloway vs. Eli Drake
No DQ. They fight to the floor early on with Drake getting in some chair shots to the ribs. We hit the chinlock on Drew for a bit before Eli throws him to the floor. Back in and Drew goes off with forearms in the corner until Drake kicks him low and nails a DDT onto the chair.
Drew kicks out again and it's table time (to be fair it had been a whole hour since we saw one), only to have Drake baseball slide it into his face. Drake finds a crutch, because you have to use the same weapon that started a feud, and breaks it over Drew's back, only to get caught trying to put Drew on the table. Instead, Drew gives him a White Noise through the table for the pin at 9:41.
Taryn is running from Gail but finds Velvet Sky who won't let her move. This was a ten second scene that came immediately after Drew got his pin and then it was off to a preview of what's still to come. This is one of TNA's biggest problems: they jump from thing to thing so fast that there isn't time for any of them to sink in. There's too much stuff going on every week and it makes it hard to care about anything.
Back from a break with Velvet backing Taryn up into Gail. Kim handcuffs her to a post and Velvet says the camera doesn't need to see this.
Eric Young comes out and says he's the best in the world and should be in the main event tonight. This brings out Chris Melendez to protest. Good grief why is this still going? Melendez says he never quit, just like he didn't in Baghdad. Young points out the obvious: he has nothing to gain from Melendez. Chris keeps badgering him and Eric keeps saying no in a scene straight out of Family Matters with Urkel and Carl. Finally Eric agrees if Melendez will put up his leg. The deal is made and Young's piledriver is countered as Melendez stands tall. For now, until he loses because he sucks.
Dixie has a plan in case Ethan forfeits the title. Jeff wants to talk to her about something else but she wants to get through this first.
Matt Hardy vs. Tyrus
Tyrus slams Matt down and hits a quick Vader Bomb before throwing him outside. A few elbow drops crush Matt's ribs and this is one sided so far. Back in and two Twists of Fate give Matt the pin at 2:16. Well that happened.
Ethan Carter comes out and hits Matt with the title before ordering Jeff Jarrett to send out his best for the title match.
TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. PJ Black
Ethan is defending and I'll only refer to him as the champion. Carter goes after Black in the corner and pounds him down before slapping on an early chinlock. Black fights up with some cross bodies in the corner, followed by a top rope cross body for two. It's already time for the 450 but Carter pulls him down with a superplex for two.
Black kicks him in the face and gets two of his own off a top rope Lionsault. A rollup gets two for the champ and he lifts Black up into a powerbomb for two more. The 1%er is countered into a Blue Thunder Bomb for two and Black wins a slugout. He connects with the springboard 450 and Carter is up at two, pretty much ending Black's chances of winning. Carter crotches him on the top and the 1%er retains the title at 8:15.
Why did they have to fly through everything? For more Dixie of course! Jeff wants to keep the momentum going after two weeks of him being in charge working. Therefore, he wants to be the full time boss. Ever the dumbest person in the history of wrestling (even Sting had to explain things to her), Dixie feels good about it but asks for a week to think about it.
An ad for next week ends the show and they're off the air at 10:59.
Results
Mr. Anderson b. Bram – Mic to the head
Gail Kim b. Jade/Marti Belle – Eat Defeat to Belle
Drew Galloway b. Eli Drake – White Noise through a table
Matt Hardy b. Tyrus – Twist of Fate
Ethan Carter III b. PJ Black – 1%er
Thursday
Smackdown
Date: August 20, 2015
Location: Resch Center Hall, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Jerry Lawler, Jimmy Uso
It's the final show before Summerslam, meaning it's time to find out how many times they can talk about Brock vs. Undertaker in about an hour and a half. It's going to be a mixture of matches getting the hype this week as the main event is an eight man tag with three feuds being combined into one match. Let's get to it.
Opening sequence.
Ryback vs. Big Show
Non-title and yes they're actually starting with a match for a change. Ryback punches away to start but Show drops him with a clothesline. They seem to be going with the “hit each other really hard” formula tonight. Phillips starts listing off the odds for Sunday's title match, because the fans aren't smart enough to divide by three. A side slam puts Ryback down and Show hits the chinlock. Miz told Lawler the following sage wisdom: “Size means nothing. The whale is an endangered species but the ant is doing just fine.” That's one of those bizarre statements that works, which makes it even more disturbing.
Ryback fights up and just runs Big Show over, much to the announcers' delight. Something like a spinebuster puts Show down again (to be fair, he's not the easiest guy to spinebust) but the Meat Hook is countered by a spear for a close two. Show actually dropkicks him to the floor but Ryback comes back with the Meat Hook to put them through that part of the barricade they always go through when they go through part of the barricade (Jimmy: “OH SNAP! OH SNAP!”. It's a double countout at 4:14.
It takes a bit to get everything cleaned up.
New Day vs. Los Matadores/El Torito
This is billed as a six being match because WWE is stupid that way. I could watch New Day's entrance for hours, especially the look on Kofi's face. Woods and Fernando get things going and Lawler is already making his lame old man short person jokes. A quick splash sends Woods into the corner for a tag to Kofi but Los Matadores double team him down with Diego's neckbreaker getting two.
Lawler says he went to see the Lucha Dragons' new movie: Dragon Ball Z. I would pay to see Lawler watch a Dragon Ball Z movie. The threat of Torito sends New Day to the floor and we take a break. Back with Woods charging into Diego's elbow but making the tag off to Big E. Diego gets dropped face first on the top turnbuckle for two and it's rotating stomp time.
Woods hits his running basement dropkick in the corner before it's off to Kofi, who is sent face first into the post, allowing for the tag to Torito. This is the big showdown with Woods (Lawler: “It's deja moo!” and a rolling cradle gets two for the bull. Everything breaks down and Big E. runs the full sized masked guys over, leaving us with E. vs. Torito. A big backbreaker sets up the Warrior splash and Woods gets the pin at 9:09.
Someone gives Woods flowers and the celebration is on in full.
Here are Ziggler and Lana for a chat. Ziggler talks about how good it feels to be back here.....with Lana. He's been tired of spending six weeks on the shelf, eating his dinners through a straw. Ziggler wanted to be here to help Lana against Summer and Rusev, before he needed to find his Lana (his words) and see if she was ok. The first thing she said to him was they needed to crush those two. Ziggler: “THAT IS HOT!”
Lana thinks they make a great team because Ziggler always stands up for what he believes in and she shoved Summer into a fish. Dolph says Lana just wanted to prove how tough she was, which makes Lana giggle. Rusev can have his pathetic wannabe but only Dolph gets the real thing.
Cue the Rusev flag, quickly followed by Rusev and Summer. Rusev promises to crush Ziggler's throat again and put him in the Accolade. Well that's certainly efficient. He'll let go before Ziggler passes out though so Dolph can see Summer crush Lana as well. That will be the end of his comeback, but Dolph says the comeback doesn't even start until Summerslam when he kicks Rusev's teeth down his throat and steals the real girlfriend. Didn't he do that already?
This is one of those feuds where the rationale seems to have been “well, there's nothing else for them to do”, which rarely makes for a good story. Ziggler's thinking makes sense (“What am I supposed to do? Turn down the hot blonde trying to kiss me?” but Lana feels so forced into this story.
It really doesn't help that she had to just sit around and wait for Ziggler to come back from his movie as she's lost all of her heat in this story. Yeah remember like three months ago when you heard all those WE WANT LANA chants? How long have those been gone? About as long as she's been with Ziggler I believe? At least it's not a mixed tag though.
Here's a good chunk of Cena and Rollins' exchange from Raw.
Neville vs. Bo Dallas
Dallas takes him into the corner for an elbow to the jaw and driving some knees into the back of the head. “BOLIEVE!” We hit the cravate on Neville but he pops up, kicks Bo in the head and ends this with the Red Arrow at 1:54. Neville is getting into that 1995 Randy Savage mode of only hitting one move, which isn't a good sign for him going forward.
Stardust and Barrett pop up on screen and promise to win. Barrett: “On Sunday, red and green turn black and blue!” Stardust: “Yeah. He's going to punch you!” Neville will be grounded by a royal Bullhammer so hail the Cosmic King and Stardust.
Team Bella comes out for a triple threat but it's time for a chat first. Alicia introduces Nikki, who will hold the record in 26 days and represents fearlessness. Has that slogan ever been explained? I mean, what makes Nikki fearless? Nikki says she may be fearless but she has doubts too. This past Monday was her toughest challenge to date and Sasha didn't disappoint. Maybe one day, Sasha will be an amazing Divas Champion, but that day isn't today. Well of course not because she hasn't gotten the record yet.
Nikki says that her title reign makes her the most powerful woman in sports entertainment. Oh yeah Stephanie is getting involved in this after Sunday. They're proud of being part of what social media has dubbed the Divas Revolution. Oh come on. I know WWE has decided that social media is the greatest thing in the world but Cole has been calling it that name for a month now.
Cue Team BAD with Naomi saying that the Bellas don't speak for the entire division and no one believes them. She advises them to not prepare a victory speech for Summerslam, “because it's not going to happen boo.” Sasha talks some trash so Brie gives one of the worst deliveries I've ever heard as she says Sasha calls herself the Boss, but there's a much better word for her that starts with a B. That line was clearly off a script and Brie just butchered it. Like, Ed Leslie levels of bad butchering.
Sasha brings up making Nikki tap on Raw (Nikki: “Still the champ!” but switches to Brie, who has ridden her injured husband's coattails for months now. Brie tells her to shove it instead of bank on it and violence is teased but here's Team PCB to intercede. Well Team CB at least as Paige is at Tough Enough. Becky promises a lass kicking and we're ready to go.
Before we get to the match, let's talk about why this was such a bad segment at its core. Ignoring how bad some of the delivery was, you had pretty much the entire Divas' division out there (has Natalya been on TV in the last month?) and none of them talked about wanting to be champion.
Nikki said Sasha might be champion one day, but I can't remember the last time anyone said they wanted a shot. It's just about establishing which team is dominant or whatever, because that's all they're allowed to fight over right now. I can't wait for next week when they can get back to normal with some better stories, because this whole AJ record thing is killing anything they had with the introduction of the new roster.
Becky Lynch vs. Brie Bella vs. Sasha Banks
Everyone goes after each other to start and it's Becky left standing and telling the others to come get her. We take a break thirty seconds into the match of course because having a break after the promo wouldn't have made a bit of sense. Back with Brie doing a YES chant and kicking Sasha in the head for two. The BRIE MODE running knees don't appear to make much contact but get two more on Lynch.
It's Sasha's turn now as she stacks the other two up in the corner for the double knees. That always looks cool. Brie and Sasha clothesline each other down and it's Becky in to clean house with suplexes all around. Sasha gets up on the apron but Brie rams Becky into her and grabs a rollup with trunks for the pin at 7:21.
Orton, Ambrose, Reigns and Cesaro all promise to win their matches on Sunday.
Long video of Undertaker and Lesnar from Monday.
Randy Orton/Cesaro/Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose vs. Sheamus/Kevin Owens/Luke Harper/Bray Wyatt
That's quite the main event roster. Orton and Sheamus get things going after about ten minutes of entrances. The threat of an RKO has Sheamus on the floor after about twenty seconds and we're already in a commercial. Cut that out already! Back with Owens saying he wants Cesaro and getting what he wants when Orton drags Kevin over to face him. A quick suplex puts Kevin down and it's off to Ambrose vs. Harper with the former getting a very nice canned reaction. Dean drives him into the corner for the same canned pop for Reigns.
Roman kicks Harper in the face but eats a forearm and it's quickly off to Bray. Back to Cesaro for the European uppercuts in the corner and it's off to Harper, who whips Cesaro into the ropes. Unfortunately Harper thinks he's wrestling a human as Cesaro flips over the ropes and lands on the apron for a sunset flip. Everything almost breaks down but in what might be a first, the referee actually holds things together.
The distraction lets Harper kick Cesaro in the face and the villains take over. Bray gets in some shots and NOW Owens is willing to come in for the Cannonball. Back from a second break with Cesaro getting caught in the Regal Roll and a tag to Harper for a slingshot hilo of all things. Owens and Wyatt alternate backsplashes for two and it's off to a chinlock to kill time. Cesaro does his best to fight out of the corner but walks into the Irish Curse to stop him cold again. A dropkick finally gives Cesaro a break and that invisible crowd pops up one more time.
The hot tag brings in Reigns who starts his variety of clotheslines. The apron kick mixes things up a bit and it's time for some Samoan drops. See, why can't he do things like that more often? A suplex or two won't kill him. Some double teaming from Wyatt and Sheamus puts Reigns down but Sheamus takes too much time going after Ambrose, allowing the Superman Punch to knock him silly.
Dean gets the next hot tag to run over Harper, as has been his custom over the years. Wyatt gets knocked to the floor and Dean dives out onto him, followed by throwing Harper outside for a suicide dive. The standing elbow gets two on Harper with Owens diving on top for the save (Harper was crushed) and it's time for the parade of finishers, capped off with Dirty Deeds for the pin on Harper at 19:22.
The winners celebrate to end the show.
Results
Big Show vs. Ryback went to a double countout
New Day b. Los Matadores/El Torito – Woods pinned Torito after a splash from Big E.
Neville b. Bo Dallas – Red Arrow
Brie Bella b. Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks – Rollup to Lynch with a handful of trunks
Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose/Cesaro/Randy Orton b. Luke Harper/Bray Wyatt/Kevin Owens/Sheamus – Dirty Deeds to Harper
Monday Night Raw
Date: August 17, 2015
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton
It's the go home show for Summerslam and we're in Brock Lesnar's hometown. Lesnar is in the house tonight for a showdown with the Undertaker, which is probably the best chance WWE will have at getting Undertaker booed in this whole story. Other than that we have another staredown between John Cena and Seth Rollins before their title for title match on Sunday. Let's get to it.
With no opening sequence, here are HHH and Stephanie to get things going. Stephanie says this is like Christmas morning when you're waiting to open your presents. Shouldn't that be Christmas Eve? There is very little waiting to open presents on Christmas morning. They plug the $9.99 price of course, which has basically become their catchphrase. HHH runs through the card and Stephanie makes sure to call Cena and Rollins' match from a month ago infamous.
What exactly is infamous about that match? I mean, there was a big moment, but that doesn't make it infamous. They throw in that Jon Stewart is the official host, with Stephanie of course turning it into a press release because just saying “former Daily Show host Jon Stewart” is too low key for her. We're promised a big week and a big night so it's time to start things up.
Randy Orton/Cesaro vs. Kevin Owens/Sheamus
A few notes during the entrances. First of all, I have time to make notes during the entrances despite Orton coming out before the break. Back from the break and his music is still playing and we waste time on the entrances. Second, Sportscenter is broadcasting from Summerslam this Sunday, which is really awesome. Cesaro and Sheamus get things going but the fans want Orton instead. Fans: “YOU LOOK STUPID!” Sheamus rolls to the floor and says “respect the hawk!”
Back in and a shoulder sends Sheamus outside again as they're starting slowly here. Owens gets his turn and cuts Orton off from making a tag in a wily move. That earns him a clothesline and now Orton makes the tag (with a big windup to play to the crowd), allowing Cesaro to come in for a delayed suplex. A running uppercut sends Owens to the floor and us to a break.
We come back with Owens hammering on Orton and sending him into Sheamus' raised boot. Off to a chinlock for a bit before Orton throws Owens down and makes the hot tag to Cesaro. House is cleaned as it often is during a hot tag, but Sheamus gets in a shot to slow Cesaro down. Sheamus goes up but dives into an uppercut for two but is still able to send Cesaro over the top and (eventually) out to the floor.
Orton is fine with that as he sneaks up on Sheamus for the hanging DDT. Owens tries to come in but.....doesn't take the RKO. That looked a bit botched as Owens didn't go down, which I'm sure is due to his overwhelming fat and total inability to connect with an audience so he should probably lost five matches in a row. Instead Sheamus takes the RKO for the pin at 13:30.
Video on Undertaker and Lesnar's issues since Battleground.
Undertaker, covered in smoke and shadows, talks about the reaper calling your name, which means it's over. The hounds are baying for Lesnar's soul and the gates are opening to welcome him to his eternal punishment. Brock's name has been called and he will never rest in peace.
Here's Rollins breaking Cena's nose, in case you missed it the first 1938 times.
Rollins says the contract signing tonight will seal the deal for Sunday. The Authority agrees, but Rollins has one more request. When he wins on Sunday and becomes the first double champion, he deserves a spot among the legends, like a statue. Stephanie actually agrees.
Roman Reigns vs. Luke Harper
Ambrose is on commentary. Reigns starts slugging away to start (shocking) as Dean tries to figure out how Harper is part of Bray's family. Byron asks Dean why the two families hate each other. Dean: “It's like cats hating dogs. I don't know why they hate each other either but we hate the Wyatts too.” Reigns kicks away at Harper and clotheslines him out to the floor, setting up the running apron boot as we take a break.
Back with Harper holding a chinlock and Dean keeping his eye on Bray. Reigns finally suplexes out but Harper hits one of the best big boots I've ever seen for two. Even Dean just went quiet when that connected. Reigns fights out of the Gator Roll and wins another slugout before mixing things up a bit with a t-bone suplex. They head outside for a nice clothesline off the apron to drop Harper but Roman can't follow up. Back in and Reigns hits what feels like his 10th clothesline of the match, followed by a Samoan drop for two.
The Superman Punch is loaded up but Harper is smart enough to go outside, suckering Roman in for a superkick. Harper shrugs off a Superman Punch through the apron and grabs Winds of Change (called that by Cole, even though that's Barrett's name for it) for two more. Another superkick (dang these guys are repetitive) is followed by a nice sitout powerbomb but Reigns kicks out one more time. A second Superman Punch sets up the spear to give Reigns the pin at 15:00.
Post match Bray grabs Harper's head and says follow the buzzards.
Becky Lynch vs. Tamina
Tamina easily shoves Becky down to start and catches her in something like a swinging Rock Bottom for two. We're in an early chinlock as the announcers ramble about how awesome this revolution is. Becky fights up and springboards into a kick to the chest, followed by a missile dropkick for two. Tamina tries another slam, only to have Becky roll through into the Disarm-Her for the tap at 4:02.
Rusev vs. Mark Henry
Lana is on commentary. Henry comes out with the American flag and throws Rusev around to start with some powerslams for two. They head outside with Henry being sent into the post, setting up the superkick and Accolade for the submission at 2:48.
Post match Lana calls Summer in for a fight and slaps the taste out of her mouth. Now Lana wants Rusev and of course Ziggler returns to continue the feud that no one asked for in the first place. Ziggler cleans house with superkicks before posing with Lana.
Back from a break and Ziggler says he's back to fight Rusev.
Video on the Streak, which was broken by Brock. This is the same video from last week.
Ryback vs. Miz
Non-title with Big Show on commentary to hype up Summerslam and his new direct to DVD movie. Miz rips on Big Show's acting and promises to win the title on Sunday. Some hard chops put Miz down but he goes after the leg, albeit not the one that had the infection. Instead he rips at Ryback's face, earning himself a gorilla press into a powerslam. Miz makes the mistake of diving at Ryback, who catches him in midair and Shell Shocks him at 2:24.
Ryback's challenge to Big Show is declined.
It's time for Cena and Rollins to sign the contract for Sunday. Rollins (whose NEVER SHUTS UP says “YOU CAN'T SEE KNEE” on the back), is out first to suck up to Stephanie before going after the Minnesota Twins for not being very good. He promises to be awesome on Sunday and signs his half. Seth brings up Minnesota's own Bob Dylan and his song “The Times They Are A-Changin.”
For ten years, John Cena has been on the top, but the times are changing. Cena is a disease and Rollins goes on about how Cena won't answer his challenge so here's John in person to respond. Cena brings up the obvious problem with Rollins' arguments: Yeah half of the fans are saying let's go Cena and half of them are chanting Cena sucks, but none of them are saying a word about Rollins. He calls Seth out for being a Cena ripoff who has all the talent in the world with HHH choosing him as proof. HHH even gave him the Pedigree to ensure that his own legacy lasts forever.
Last week Cena was stuck at home due to doctor's orders, but he knew he'd be back. Then it hit him as clear as Rollins' nose. Cena is a fifteen time champion and the back of his shirt says so. It didn't occur to him that he was going to have another chance to win the title until HHH brought it up. This Sunday, Cena proves that Rollins is a footnote instead of the future. The difference between HHH and Rollins is HHH was never Ric Flair's b#*$&. This Sunday, Cena is making Rollins his. As usual, Cena nails the hard sell like no one else can.
New Day/Los Matadores vs. Prime Time Players/Lucha Dragons
Oh look: another match we've seen before. Titus throws Diego around to start but Woods and Torito get in a fight for a distraction, allowing Kalisto to hurricanrana Diego for the pin at 2:10.
Ziggler vs. Rusev is official for Sunday.
Recap of last week with Stephen Amell and Stardust, leading to their tag match on Sunday.
Stardust and Barrett give us a public service announcement about destroying Amell and Neville this Sunday. Barrett is given some new armor and proclaims himself the Cosmic King.
Nikki Bella vs. Sasha Banks
Non-title because it's still August. Nikki shoves her away for some jumping jacks before Sasha does the same. Byron brings up holding the gold and having the power, which immediately translates into what it means if the Bellas lose a non-title match on Sunday. We hit the chinlock on Sasha and finally hear something about Saturday's Takeover. Sasha fights up and smashes Nikki in the face, followed by the double knees to the ribs for a nice reaction. Some pushups take us to a break.
Back with Sasha holding a chinlock until Nikki fights out (which seems like it was supposed to receive a face reaction. Seriously) and grabs an Alabama Slam for two. A loud WE WANT LESNAR chant starts up as Nikki powers up into an electric chair. The Rack Attack is loaded up but a Naomi distraction lets Banks roll through into the Bank Statement for the tap out at 10:41.
Another video of the Streak being broken.
Here's Heyman to introduce Lesnar, whose music starts at 11:01. Confetti falls and Brock gets the hero's welcome he rarely receives. Heyman sings: “Mine eyes have seen the glory of the conqueror, my lord.” After his third chorus of GLORY GLORY BROCK LESNAR, the gong strikes. The lights come back up and there's.....no Undertaker.
Heyman asks if Jedi mind tricks are the best Undertaker has. This Sunday, Brock will take God, the devil and the Undertaker to Suplex City. Paul goes over the Battleground story again but asks why Undertaker had to kick Brock low. Undertaker did it because he knew he couldn't beat Brock, just like he never has before.
You can put Undertaker in the ring with anyone and Undertaker will have a tombstone waiting for them. However, Undertaker is in the ring with a Beast instead of a man. Heyman rants about Brock not respecting anything Undertaker has done and there go the lights again. This time it's Undertaker in the ring and he kicks Brock low again. A chokeslam plants Brock and a tombstone does the same (with Brock's head a good six inches above the mat. Thanks editing team) to end the show.
Results
Randy Orton/Cesaro b. Sheamus/Kevin Owens – RKO to Sheamus
Roman Reigns b. Luke Harper – Spear
Becky Lynch b. Tamina – Disarm-Her
Rusev b. Mark Henry – Accolade
Ryback b. Miz – Shell Shock
Lucha Dragons/Prime Time Players b. Los Matadores/New Day – Hurricanrana to Diego
Sasha Banks b. Nikki Bella – Bank Statement
Tuesday
Nothing.
Wednesday
NXT
Date: August 19, 2015
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Byron Saxton, Corey Graves, Rich Brennan
It's the go home show for Takeover: Brooklyn and the card is pretty much set in stone, meaning tonight is all about the final build. This Saturday is going to be the biggest show in NXT history with 13,000 fans in attendance, so hopefully this show sets the stage in a very big way. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of Finn Balor destroying Marcus Louis last week but getting attacked by Kevin Owens, including the Pop Up Powerbomb to leave the champion laying.
The recaps continue with a look at Bayley pinning Becky Lynch last week to earn a shot at Women's Champion Sasha Banks. The staredown with Sasha made me want to see the match even more than I already did. Assuming Bayley wins the title (and Heaven help them if she doesn't), the eruption is going to be off the charts.
Opening sequence.
Here's NXT GM William Regal to open things up with a good old fashioned contract signing. It's Bayley out first with Regal pointing out that she defeated Emma, Charlotte and Becky Lynch to earn the shot. Imagine that: earning a title shot because you beat all the contenders. Banks comes out and sees the girl Bayley hugged in the front row, who she promises to make cry. Now THAT is a heel.
Bayley thanks the fans and says she couldn't be here without them. She's had these title matches before but she's let it slip through her fingers. Fan: “NOT THIS TIME!” Bayley: “Yeah that's right.” She knows the people can feel it, she knows Regal can feel it and she thinks Sasha can feel it too. Bayley signs but Sasha mocks her for having such a big moment. Fans: “Let's go Bayley!” Sasha: “There's a reason the show is in Brooklyn and not here.” That earns her some of the loudest booing in her career.
Sasha promises to show Bayley why she's the boss and stamps her signature on the contract. The champ goes to leave but Bayley says she's watched a lot of WWE and this isn't how contract signings end. Sasha isn't scared because she isn't Becky or Charlotte. Bayley really thinks she's a role model to all the little girls in the audience? Sasha is the real role model because she's going to teach them that fairy tales don't have happy endings.
It's not worth her time to fight Bayley tonight because Bayley is just not worth it. Banks leaves and Bayley looks like she's about to cry but goes after Banks on the ramp until referees break it up. I haven't wanted to see a match like this in a long time, probably all the way back to the first Shield vs. Wyatt Family match. As they always do, NXT knows how to take their time to build up a match, but more importantly they know how to build to a moment. I'm to the point where I have to see Bayley win the title and it's going to be one of the best moments in a long time, even if it seems so obvious. Hopefully it's not too obvious.
Apollo Crews video.
Tyler Breeze vs. ???
Breeze has a Liger mask to hang on the corner. The jobber doesn't even have a name and the Supermodel Kick takes him out at 35 seconds.
Breeze puts the Liger mask on the guy post match and says he's heard great things about Liger but he really isn't impressed. Everyone here wants a little preview of what they can expect, so there's a Beauty Shot to the jobber with Breeze counting his own pin.
Hype Bros/Enzo Amore/Colin Cassady vs. ???/???/???/???
Cass thinks that any Joe Schmo who wants to go toe to toe with him, Zo, Mojo and the Bro can only be described in one word. Mojo cranks on one of the nameless jobber's wrists before it's off to Ryder to send him into the buckle. Even the announcers aren't naming these guys. A middle rope dropkick with Ryder landing on top for a cover connects before it's off to Enzo to stay on the arm.
The first jobber brings Enzo to the corner for a tag to the guy in a shirt like Rollins used to wear for a kick to the head. Jobber #3's chinlock doesn't last long and the hot tag brings in Big Cass to clean house. Everything breaks down and the first jobber takes the Broski Boot, followed by #4 getting Cass' side slam and the Rocket Launcher for the pin at 3:08.
Dash Wilder/Scott Dawson/Chad Gable/Jason Jordan say it's going to be a bit more difficult for the Hype Bros/Enzo/Cass next week. Gable does his ready, willing and Gable line and his teammates groan.
Samoa Joe vs. Steve Cutler
The Rock Bottom out of the corner and the Koquina Clutch end Cutler in 33 seconds.
Corbin jumps Joe from behind and throws him back in the ring for End of Days.
The new and improved Bull Dempsey is here next week.
Blake/Murphy vs. Angelo Dawkins/Sawyer Fulton
Non-title. Fans: “Come on Blakey let's go party.” I hate that song but good night that's brilliant. Dawkins armdrags Blake down to start and dropkicks both champions down. Blake gets in a few shots but a shoulder puts him down and it's off to Fulton to clean house. A swinging gutwrench suplex plants Murphy but he pops back up for the running suplex into Blake's frog splash for the pin at 3:39.
Post match the Vaudevillains come out to introduce their counter to Bliss. Before they can say anything though, Bliss comes up and slaps them both twice. Fans: “WE WANT BLUE PANTS!”
Next week it's Carmella vs. Eva Marie, which is one of the matches being taped before Takeover. Also next week, the eight man tag mentioned earlier and Charlotte vs. Emma vs. Becky Lynch vs. Dana Brooke.
Here's Kevin Owens with a ladder for his last speech before the title match. After annoying the fans by bringing up Brooklyn, Owens calls the fans hypocrites for hating Takeover not being here in Florida. These are the same fans who chant FIGHT OWENS FIGHT, unless he's laying a finger on Sami Zayn or mentioning John Cena, which makes them boo. If he talks about beating John Cena though, everyone cheers. The NXT fans are the John Cena of wrestling fans because nothing genuine comes out of their mouths.
They talk about wanting NXT to succeed and grow but then they boo when it's selling out a 13,000 seat arena (“which only sold out once I was in the main event”
because it's being taken away from then. He's sick of coming here and performing in front of trash like this. However, it's going to make him feel better to beat a clown like Balor in front of a crowd worthy of seeing him. As for Balor, he needs to understand that Japan was a fluke.What Owens has done to guys like Sami Zayn is nothing because now he needs the NXT Title to shove it in the faces of these stupid fans. Saturday is going to be destroy Owens destroy and climb Owens climb. Fans: “FALL OWENS FALL!” Owens is on top of the ladder and there go the lights.
Balor is sitting on the top rope so Owens wisely climbs back down. They don't wait for the brawl and Owens is knocked to the floor with a big ladder shot to the face. Fans: “RUN OWENS RUN!” Balor climbs the ladder and says he's retaining the title and shutting Owens' mouth on Saturday.
Results
Tyler Breeze b. ??? – Supermodel Kick
Hype Bros/Enzo Amore/Colin Cassady b. ???/???/???/??? – Rocket Launcher
Samoa Joe b. Steve Cutler – Koquina Clutch
Blake/Murphy b. Angelo Dawkins/Sawyer Fulton – Frog splash to Fulton
Impact Wrestling
Date: August 19, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D'Angelo Dinero
We're at war! Well, sort of. Last week the Global Force roster (well some of it at least) arrived to help out, with GFW boss Jeff Jarrett insisting that it was certainly not an invasion. It's not clear where things go from here but they're here for another night and Jarrett is in charge again. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of last week with PJ Black winning the King of the Mountain Title.
Tonight is Turning Point, despite it being a pretty standard show.
Here are the Jarretts to get things going. Jeff says everyone is buzzing about last week and Global Force has turned the wrestling world upside down. Uh, yeah that's one way to put it Jeff. Tonight it's time to make history though as PJ Black is challenging Ethan Carter III for the TNA World Title. This brings out Ethan, who says he isn't fighting Black tonight.
Karen Jarrett tells Ethan who Jeff is and reminds him that Jeff still has ownership in this company. Maybe Ethan is upset because his aunt picked Jeff to be in charge instead of him. Then you had Bully Ray and Drew Galloway stand up and get attacked. Where was Ethan when that happened? Ethan goes to leave but Jeff threatens to call the board of directors and have him stripped of the title if he doesn't defend tonight.
Drew Galloway wants to know what's going on with the attacks on him and Bully Ray. He thinks it was Eli Drake, who he has in a No DQ match tonight.
Bram vs. Mr. Anderson
This is an Open Mic challenge, meaning the microphone is above the ring and can be used as a weapon. Anderson starts fast with some clotheslines and it's already table time. Shouldn't that be a DQ since it's not the mic? The rules say nothing about tables. The Regal Roll through the table crushes Bram but knocks Anderson silly at the same time. Bram stops Anderson's climb up the ladder (notice that this is the second ladder based match in a week) and plants him with the Brighter Side of Suffering.
It's still not enough to let Bram get the mic so he throws in about ten chairs. Another Brighter Side of Suffering is countered and Anderson whips him into the ladder. Anderson takes too long going up though and gets powerbombed onto the chairs, allowing Bram to go get the mic. He takes too long talking trash though, allowing Anderson to Mic Check him onto the chairs. Some mic shots to the head knock Bram silly so Anderson can say he didn't understand a word Bram just said. One last mic shot to the head is enough to pin Bram at 9:08.
Jeff Jarrett blows Bobby Roode off.
Ethan doesn't want to be stripped of the title.
Here's the Revolution with something to say. Storm says they may not be blood, but their bond to each other makes them family. Some people have said that Storm was too hard on someone, so get out here now Khoya. Here's Mahabali Sheera (formerly known as Khoya), who Storm admits he might have been too hard on. Storm says he was hard on Sheera to show him the way. Sheera came to this country knowing nothing so Storm took him under his wing and into his home.
That's why Storm wants him back in the Revolution, but Khoya says his name is Mahabali Sheera and he is his own man who won't be slapped around like trash. Who slaps trash? Like these people, he likes to have fun and to dance. Everyone here must like to dance, so Sheera goes to the floor and starts to dance as Storm looks like he's about to explode. By dance I mean cross his arms and move his shoulders back and forth.
Sheera gets back in the ring and punches Storm, earning him a beatdown from Abyss. A chokeslam puts Sheera down and Manik gives him a reluctant frog splash, setting up the Last Call from Storm. So they broke Khoya out of the Revolution and now he's a dancer. Why am I even slightly surprised by this?
PJ Black says he's winning the title tonight. Eric Young comes in and says he's taking what he wants from whoever he wants.
Jade/Marti Belle vs. Gail Kim
In a cage with pins, submissions or escape. Gail rolls around and forearms both girls to start before scoring with a double clothesline. Jade starts choking, which is totally legal because Florida laws are suspended if a cage match is in progress. They send Gail into the cage and it's time for a break.
Back with Jade breaking up Gail's armbreaker on Marti and the double teaming begins. It's time to climb the cage and Gail is able to hurricanrana Marti down, only to get decked by Jade for two. Gail is sat on top but shoves both girls off, only to have Kim climb up and dive onto the Dollhouse. A DDT puts Jade and Marti down for two but Marti is up to stomp away. That's fine with Gail who suplexes both of them down and Marti cross bodies Jade by mistake, setting up Eat Defeat to pin Marti at 9:46.
Dixie tells Ethan that he's either defending or he's stripped. In other words, this segment changes nothing whatsoever and really didn't need to be included.
Back from a break with Gail, who Josh describes as the greatest Knockout of all time, is looking for Taryn.
Matt Hardy promises to be in Ethan's face no matter what. This earns him a match with Tyrus.
Eli Drake, with a leather X across his chest (think He-Man), says he's going to prove that he's better than Drew Galloway.
Drew Galloway vs. Eli Drake
No DQ. They fight to the floor early on with Drake getting in some chair shots to the ribs. We hit the chinlock on Drew for a bit before Eli throws him to the floor. Back in and Drew goes off with forearms in the corner until Drake kicks him low and nails a DDT onto the chair.
Drew kicks out again and it's table time (to be fair it had been a whole hour since we saw one), only to have Drake baseball slide it into his face. Drake finds a crutch, because you have to use the same weapon that started a feud, and breaks it over Drew's back, only to get caught trying to put Drew on the table. Instead, Drew gives him a White Noise through the table for the pin at 9:41.
Taryn is running from Gail but finds Velvet Sky who won't let her move. This was a ten second scene that came immediately after Drew got his pin and then it was off to a preview of what's still to come. This is one of TNA's biggest problems: they jump from thing to thing so fast that there isn't time for any of them to sink in. There's too much stuff going on every week and it makes it hard to care about anything.
Back from a break with Velvet backing Taryn up into Gail. Kim handcuffs her to a post and Velvet says the camera doesn't need to see this.
Eric Young comes out and says he's the best in the world and should be in the main event tonight. This brings out Chris Melendez to protest. Good grief why is this still going? Melendez says he never quit, just like he didn't in Baghdad. Young points out the obvious: he has nothing to gain from Melendez. Chris keeps badgering him and Eric keeps saying no in a scene straight out of Family Matters with Urkel and Carl. Finally Eric agrees if Melendez will put up his leg. The deal is made and Young's piledriver is countered as Melendez stands tall. For now, until he loses because he sucks.
Dixie has a plan in case Ethan forfeits the title. Jeff wants to talk to her about something else but she wants to get through this first.
Matt Hardy vs. Tyrus
Tyrus slams Matt down and hits a quick Vader Bomb before throwing him outside. A few elbow drops crush Matt's ribs and this is one sided so far. Back in and two Twists of Fate give Matt the pin at 2:16. Well that happened.
Ethan Carter comes out and hits Matt with the title before ordering Jeff Jarrett to send out his best for the title match.
TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. PJ Black
Ethan is defending and I'll only refer to him as the champion. Carter goes after Black in the corner and pounds him down before slapping on an early chinlock. Black fights up with some cross bodies in the corner, followed by a top rope cross body for two. It's already time for the 450 but Carter pulls him down with a superplex for two.
Black kicks him in the face and gets two of his own off a top rope Lionsault. A rollup gets two for the champ and he lifts Black up into a powerbomb for two more. The 1%er is countered into a Blue Thunder Bomb for two and Black wins a slugout. He connects with the springboard 450 and Carter is up at two, pretty much ending Black's chances of winning. Carter crotches him on the top and the 1%er retains the title at 8:15.
Why did they have to fly through everything? For more Dixie of course! Jeff wants to keep the momentum going after two weeks of him being in charge working. Therefore, he wants to be the full time boss. Ever the dumbest person in the history of wrestling (even Sting had to explain things to her), Dixie feels good about it but asks for a week to think about it.
An ad for next week ends the show and they're off the air at 10:59.
Results
Mr. Anderson b. Bram – Mic to the head
Gail Kim b. Jade/Marti Belle – Eat Defeat to Belle
Drew Galloway b. Eli Drake – White Noise through a table
Matt Hardy b. Tyrus – Twist of Fate
Ethan Carter III b. PJ Black – 1%er
Thursday
Smackdown
Date: August 20, 2015
Location: Resch Center Hall, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Jerry Lawler, Jimmy Uso
It's the final show before Summerslam, meaning it's time to find out how many times they can talk about Brock vs. Undertaker in about an hour and a half. It's going to be a mixture of matches getting the hype this week as the main event is an eight man tag with three feuds being combined into one match. Let's get to it.
Opening sequence.
Ryback vs. Big Show
Non-title and yes they're actually starting with a match for a change. Ryback punches away to start but Show drops him with a clothesline. They seem to be going with the “hit each other really hard” formula tonight. Phillips starts listing off the odds for Sunday's title match, because the fans aren't smart enough to divide by three. A side slam puts Ryback down and Show hits the chinlock. Miz told Lawler the following sage wisdom: “Size means nothing. The whale is an endangered species but the ant is doing just fine.” That's one of those bizarre statements that works, which makes it even more disturbing.
Ryback fights up and just runs Big Show over, much to the announcers' delight. Something like a spinebuster puts Show down again (to be fair, he's not the easiest guy to spinebust) but the Meat Hook is countered by a spear for a close two. Show actually dropkicks him to the floor but Ryback comes back with the Meat Hook to put them through that part of the barricade they always go through when they go through part of the barricade (Jimmy: “OH SNAP! OH SNAP!”
. It's a double countout at 4:14.It takes a bit to get everything cleaned up.
New Day vs. Los Matadores/El Torito
This is billed as a six being match because WWE is stupid that way. I could watch New Day's entrance for hours, especially the look on Kofi's face. Woods and Fernando get things going and Lawler is already making his lame old man short person jokes. A quick splash sends Woods into the corner for a tag to Kofi but Los Matadores double team him down with Diego's neckbreaker getting two.
Lawler says he went to see the Lucha Dragons' new movie: Dragon Ball Z. I would pay to see Lawler watch a Dragon Ball Z movie. The threat of Torito sends New Day to the floor and we take a break. Back with Woods charging into Diego's elbow but making the tag off to Big E. Diego gets dropped face first on the top turnbuckle for two and it's rotating stomp time.
Woods hits his running basement dropkick in the corner before it's off to Kofi, who is sent face first into the post, allowing for the tag to Torito. This is the big showdown with Woods (Lawler: “It's deja moo!”
and a rolling cradle gets two for the bull. Everything breaks down and Big E. runs the full sized masked guys over, leaving us with E. vs. Torito. A big backbreaker sets up the Warrior splash and Woods gets the pin at 9:09.Someone gives Woods flowers and the celebration is on in full.
Here are Ziggler and Lana for a chat. Ziggler talks about how good it feels to be back here.....with Lana. He's been tired of spending six weeks on the shelf, eating his dinners through a straw. Ziggler wanted to be here to help Lana against Summer and Rusev, before he needed to find his Lana (his words) and see if she was ok. The first thing she said to him was they needed to crush those two. Ziggler: “THAT IS HOT!”
Lana thinks they make a great team because Ziggler always stands up for what he believes in and she shoved Summer into a fish. Dolph says Lana just wanted to prove how tough she was, which makes Lana giggle. Rusev can have his pathetic wannabe but only Dolph gets the real thing.
Cue the Rusev flag, quickly followed by Rusev and Summer. Rusev promises to crush Ziggler's throat again and put him in the Accolade. Well that's certainly efficient. He'll let go before Ziggler passes out though so Dolph can see Summer crush Lana as well. That will be the end of his comeback, but Dolph says the comeback doesn't even start until Summerslam when he kicks Rusev's teeth down his throat and steals the real girlfriend. Didn't he do that already?
This is one of those feuds where the rationale seems to have been “well, there's nothing else for them to do”, which rarely makes for a good story. Ziggler's thinking makes sense (“What am I supposed to do? Turn down the hot blonde trying to kiss me?”
but Lana feels so forced into this story.It really doesn't help that she had to just sit around and wait for Ziggler to come back from his movie as she's lost all of her heat in this story. Yeah remember like three months ago when you heard all those WE WANT LANA chants? How long have those been gone? About as long as she's been with Ziggler I believe? At least it's not a mixed tag though.
Here's a good chunk of Cena and Rollins' exchange from Raw.
Neville vs. Bo Dallas
Dallas takes him into the corner for an elbow to the jaw and driving some knees into the back of the head. “BOLIEVE!” We hit the cravate on Neville but he pops up, kicks Bo in the head and ends this with the Red Arrow at 1:54. Neville is getting into that 1995 Randy Savage mode of only hitting one move, which isn't a good sign for him going forward.
Stardust and Barrett pop up on screen and promise to win. Barrett: “On Sunday, red and green turn black and blue!” Stardust: “Yeah. He's going to punch you!” Neville will be grounded by a royal Bullhammer so hail the Cosmic King and Stardust.
Team Bella comes out for a triple threat but it's time for a chat first. Alicia introduces Nikki, who will hold the record in 26 days and represents fearlessness. Has that slogan ever been explained? I mean, what makes Nikki fearless? Nikki says she may be fearless but she has doubts too. This past Monday was her toughest challenge to date and Sasha didn't disappoint. Maybe one day, Sasha will be an amazing Divas Champion, but that day isn't today. Well of course not because she hasn't gotten the record yet.
Nikki says that her title reign makes her the most powerful woman in sports entertainment. Oh yeah Stephanie is getting involved in this after Sunday. They're proud of being part of what social media has dubbed the Divas Revolution. Oh come on. I know WWE has decided that social media is the greatest thing in the world but Cole has been calling it that name for a month now.
Cue Team BAD with Naomi saying that the Bellas don't speak for the entire division and no one believes them. She advises them to not prepare a victory speech for Summerslam, “because it's not going to happen boo.” Sasha talks some trash so Brie gives one of the worst deliveries I've ever heard as she says Sasha calls herself the Boss, but there's a much better word for her that starts with a B. That line was clearly off a script and Brie just butchered it. Like, Ed Leslie levels of bad butchering.
Sasha brings up making Nikki tap on Raw (Nikki: “Still the champ!”
but switches to Brie, who has ridden her injured husband's coattails for months now. Brie tells her to shove it instead of bank on it and violence is teased but here's Team PCB to intercede. Well Team CB at least as Paige is at Tough Enough. Becky promises a lass kicking and we're ready to go.Before we get to the match, let's talk about why this was such a bad segment at its core. Ignoring how bad some of the delivery was, you had pretty much the entire Divas' division out there (has Natalya been on TV in the last month?) and none of them talked about wanting to be champion.
Nikki said Sasha might be champion one day, but I can't remember the last time anyone said they wanted a shot. It's just about establishing which team is dominant or whatever, because that's all they're allowed to fight over right now. I can't wait for next week when they can get back to normal with some better stories, because this whole AJ record thing is killing anything they had with the introduction of the new roster.
Becky Lynch vs. Brie Bella vs. Sasha Banks
Everyone goes after each other to start and it's Becky left standing and telling the others to come get her. We take a break thirty seconds into the match of course because having a break after the promo wouldn't have made a bit of sense. Back with Brie doing a YES chant and kicking Sasha in the head for two. The BRIE MODE running knees don't appear to make much contact but get two more on Lynch.
It's Sasha's turn now as she stacks the other two up in the corner for the double knees. That always looks cool. Brie and Sasha clothesline each other down and it's Becky in to clean house with suplexes all around. Sasha gets up on the apron but Brie rams Becky into her and grabs a rollup with trunks for the pin at 7:21.
Orton, Ambrose, Reigns and Cesaro all promise to win their matches on Sunday.
Long video of Undertaker and Lesnar from Monday.
Randy Orton/Cesaro/Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose vs. Sheamus/Kevin Owens/Luke Harper/Bray Wyatt
That's quite the main event roster. Orton and Sheamus get things going after about ten minutes of entrances. The threat of an RKO has Sheamus on the floor after about twenty seconds and we're already in a commercial. Cut that out already! Back with Owens saying he wants Cesaro and getting what he wants when Orton drags Kevin over to face him. A quick suplex puts Kevin down and it's off to Ambrose vs. Harper with the former getting a very nice canned reaction. Dean drives him into the corner for the same canned pop for Reigns.
Roman kicks Harper in the face but eats a forearm and it's quickly off to Bray. Back to Cesaro for the European uppercuts in the corner and it's off to Harper, who whips Cesaro into the ropes. Unfortunately Harper thinks he's wrestling a human as Cesaro flips over the ropes and lands on the apron for a sunset flip. Everything almost breaks down but in what might be a first, the referee actually holds things together.
The distraction lets Harper kick Cesaro in the face and the villains take over. Bray gets in some shots and NOW Owens is willing to come in for the Cannonball. Back from a second break with Cesaro getting caught in the Regal Roll and a tag to Harper for a slingshot hilo of all things. Owens and Wyatt alternate backsplashes for two and it's off to a chinlock to kill time. Cesaro does his best to fight out of the corner but walks into the Irish Curse to stop him cold again. A dropkick finally gives Cesaro a break and that invisible crowd pops up one more time.
The hot tag brings in Reigns who starts his variety of clotheslines. The apron kick mixes things up a bit and it's time for some Samoan drops. See, why can't he do things like that more often? A suplex or two won't kill him. Some double teaming from Wyatt and Sheamus puts Reigns down but Sheamus takes too much time going after Ambrose, allowing the Superman Punch to knock him silly.
Dean gets the next hot tag to run over Harper, as has been his custom over the years. Wyatt gets knocked to the floor and Dean dives out onto him, followed by throwing Harper outside for a suicide dive. The standing elbow gets two on Harper with Owens diving on top for the save (Harper was crushed) and it's time for the parade of finishers, capped off with Dirty Deeds for the pin on Harper at 19:22.
The winners celebrate to end the show.
Results
Big Show vs. Ryback went to a double countout
New Day b. Los Matadores/El Torito – Woods pinned Torito after a splash from Big E.
Neville b. Bo Dallas – Red Arrow
Brie Bella b. Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks – Rollup to Lynch with a handful of trunks
Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose/Cesaro/Randy Orton b. Luke Harper/Bray Wyatt/Kevin Owens/Sheamus – Dirty Deeds to Harper