klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Smackdown got a 1.9.
Monday Night Raw
Date: May 13, 2013
Location: BOK Center, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole. Jerry Lawler
It's finally the go home show for Extreme Rules and the main attraction of tonight's show is that HHH and Lesnar will be face to face. You know, because that hasn't happened far too often already. Other than that we have Jericho vs. Fandango in a dance off which at least should be funny. Oh and maybe Ryback vs. Cena too if we have time between all the Lesnar vs. HHH recaps and replays. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of the end of last week's show with Ryback beating down Cena with a chair.
Lawler is in the ring to host the dance off. We get clips of Fandango vs. Jericho from Wrestlemania with Fandango getting the pin. Apparently there's a rematch on Sunday. There's a wood floor on the mat for the guys to dance on. Fandango is dancing with Summer Rae and Jericho has a woman from Dancing with the Stars as his partner.
Lawler insists that this is NOT a popularity contest and you're supposed to judge based on their skills only. Fandango insists he didn't lose to Khali because the fans just didn't know what they were talking about. Also as long as there's a Chris Jericho, there's a better man named Fandango.
Jericho talks about all of the contests he's won in WWE history that didn't involve wrestling and says he's winning tonight. Then he'll win on Sunday as well, and then there's going to be a song about Jericho dancing all over Fandango's face. Fandango and Summer go first....or rather they're about to when Fandango says cut the music. Apparently the fans were being too loud and he can't focus. They get started and a few seconds in Summer twists her ankle.
The pro dancer goes to look at it as does the trainer but Fandango starts to leave. As Jericho is looking at Summer, Fandango jumps Jericho and beats him down. Fandango beats him down for a good while, whipping Jericho into whatever object he can find. He picks up a piece of the wooden floor and blasts Jericho in the face with it for good measure. To the shock of no one, Summer is fine and walks off.
Tonight it's Shield vs. Cena/HELL NO in an elimination match.
We see the end of Raw from last week again.
Ryback vs. Zack Ryder
Ryder now has long tights. As the destruction is going on, we get a commercial for the WWE App where Del Rio is having an interview right now. What also is going on right now is a Shell Shock to Ryder for the pin at 1:04. Total dominance.
We get a clip of HHH being attacked by Lesnar last year and breaking his arm. According to Cole, this was when HHH was COO of the company. Didn't the sign on his office last week
say he was still COO?
Tons of Funk vs. Prime Time Players
Tensai crushes Darren to start but gets kicked in the face by Titus. Cole talks about all the countries watching the show tonight so he doesn't have to talk about the match. Titus misses a running charge into the corner and it's off to Brodus to clean house. As Clay knocks Darren down, Titus rolls up Brodus for the pin at 1:38. Replays show that Darren hit Brodus in the throat with his hair pick to allow the pin.
We look at the clip from Smackdown where Swagger gave Ziggler a concussion, meaning the world title match is in jeopardy.
Here's Teddy to make the announcement about the World Title, but Colter and Swagger come out and say Swagger should be made champion. AJ and Langston come out to argue about Ziggler keeping the title, but Teddy cuts them off. Ziggler won't be losing the title, and Swagger vs. Del Rio on Sunday is now an I Quit #1 contenders match. Also tonight it's Langston vs. one of them, with the opponent being decided by a poll on the WWE App.
Kofi Kingston vs. Damien Sandow
Ambrose vs. Kingston for the US Title is official. Damien says he won't be singing a song tonight because Kofi's song is foolish. Sandow pounds away to start and hits his rapid fire knees to the chest followed by the Wind-Up Elbow for two. The announcers are of course talking about comic books. We go WAY old school with an abdominal stretch by Damien but Kofi reverses into one of his own. Kofi comes back with a dropkick and the Boom Drop, only to miss the cross body out of the corner. Sandow hits a running flip neckbreaker for two but Kofi pops up and hits Trouble in Paradise for the pin at 2:28.
Here's Mark Henry with a strap to call out Sheamus and induct him into the Hall of Pain. We get some clips of how this match is set up, including Henry pulling the semi trucks on Smackdown. Henry tells Josh Matthews to put the strap around his wrist before shoving him down. He easily touches all four corners and lets Josh go, saying that he feels very generous.
Sheamus comes out and says Henry isn't the brightest man in the world. He doesn't want to get in the ring at first but Henry calls him a coward and that's enough to get Sheamus to come out. Henry won't let him in with the strap, but Sheamus pulls one of his own out from under the ring. Sheamus beats on Henry enough to send Henry running off.
We get a clip of Lesnar attacking Vince many months ago.
Trailer for 12 Rounds 2, starring Randy Orton.
We look at a clip of the opening segment again in case you've forgotten about it already.
Antonio Cesaro vs. Randy Orton
This is a rematch from Main Event where Orton won. Cesaro pounds away to start and has to be pulled off Orton in the corner. Off to a chinlock for a but but Orton comes back with a kick to the face and the powerslam. Cesaro counters the Elevated DDT into a rollup for two, only to stand up and get caught in the RKO for the pin at 3:10.
The Miz vs. Heath Slater
Feeling out process to start but Miz hits a quick sunset flip and backbreaker for two. Mahal trips up Miz and Slater gets a big boot for two. A neckbreaker gets two for Slater and it's off to a quick chinlock. Miz comes back with a forearm and a boot to the face as we get ANOTHER commercial for the WWE App. A top rope ax handle puts Slater down but he grabs the rope to avoid the figure four. Slater goes up but gets thrown down onto the rest of his band and injures his knee in the process. Back in and the figure four ends this at 4:14.
Clip of Alicia Fox and Layla at a cancer walk.
Back in February, HHH beat up Lesnar with a chair. They're doing the whole history of the feud tonight to show us just how important it's been.
John Cena/HELL NO vs. Shield
This is elimination rules like a Survivor Series match. The tag champions are defending the titles against Rollins and Reigns in a Texas Tornado match. Ambrose and Kane get things started with Kane pounding Dean into the corner. Bryan comes in with kicks to the chest and a painful looking arm hold. Off to Rollins vs. Cena with John putting on a front facelock as we take a break.
Back with Shield beating on Bryan in the corner as the Shield makes their traditional quick tags to pound away on him. Ambrose stomps away but the bearded one gets up and fires back, hitting a running knee to the ribs and making the tag to Kane. Kane cleans house with clotheslines all around and a sidewalk slam gets two on Ambrose. A DDT gets the same result and there's the top rope clothesline. He loads up the chokeslam but has to shove Ambrose and Rollins to the floor. Kane follows them out and winds up getting counted out for an elimination.
We take another break and come back with Reigns pounding on Cena in the corner before it's off to Rollins to take out Cena's bad leg. Cena finally gets in a shot to the face and dives over for a tag off to Bryan. Daniel immediately hits a suicide dive onto Reigns and a missile dropkick on Rollins for two. Ambrose sneaks up on Bryan and the bulldog driver is enough to put Bryan out, making it 3-1 with Cena in trouble.
John charges right at Ambrose but gets caught by all three. Cena fights them off and gets down to Rollins alone in the ring. The champ initiates his finishing sequence and hits the Shuffle, only to have Ambrose break it up. Cena clears away Ambrose and Reigns before hitting the AA to eliminate Rollins. Ambrose charges into the AA but Cena spears him down, although he draws a DQ for shoving the referee. Dean covers him for two as we're down to one on one. The STF goes on but Rollins and Reigns come in for the DQ at 23:21.
Post match the Shield hits the TripleBomb and leaves, allowing Ryback to come out and hit Cena's leg with a chair.
Video on HHH vs. Ryback from Wrestlemania.
Swagger wins the poll by a wide margin of 65-35.
Big E. Langston vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger pounds away to start but Langston shoves him into the corner with raw power. Jack fires off some right hands and tries for the Patriot Lock, only to be kicked away as we take a break. Back with Langston hitting some backbreakers on Jack for two before Swagger fires off some shots to the ribs.
The Vader Bomb gets two but Langston pops up and runs Swagger over. A superplex puts Swagger down for two more but Jack escapes the Big Ending. Swagger hits a chop block and there's the Patriot Lock, but Langston makes the rope. Jack is backdropped to the floor but manages to clothesline Langston over the barricade for the countout at 10:00.
Post match Del Rio runs out but gets put in the Patriot Lock. Ricardo tries to help him but gets kicked in the head, allowing Del Rio to put Swagger in the cross armbreaker for a tap out. Langston breaks it up for absolutely no apparent reason, but Del Rio clears the ring.
Natalya vs. AJ
Kaitlyn and the Bellas are on commentary while Horny and Khali are standing off to the side. Kaitlyn gets another gift as the match is ignored yet again. It's a Simpsons trivia game or something like that but we have to talk about clothes as AJ is sent to the floor for a hard shot from Natalya. Another one seems to knock her out but after sending AJ back in, she locks in an octopus hold called the Black Widow for the tap out from Natalya at 3:10.
Jericho says he'll teach Fandango to dance Jericho style on Sunday.
Time for HHH and Lesnar's showdown, which is the real main event tonight. A cage is lowered for some extra atmosphere. HHH talks about how he's learned to hate this but he feels at home in the cage. He wants Heyman and Lesnar out here right now, and of course what HHH wants, he gets.
Paul and Brock come out but HHH tells them to shut up. Heyman talks about how they're not allowed to say hate on WWE programming but Heyman will do it anyway. Paul talks about how HHH is going to have to lose in the cage and face everyone after it whether he likes it or not. HHH again says bring it on but apparently Brock doesn't fight for free.
That's fine with HHH because he's figured out why Lesnar won't fight. See, HHH has done the unthinkable and beat Brock while knocking him out. I guess Extreme Rules from last year is erased from history. He talks directly to Brock and says bring it on. Lesnar walks to the ring with Heyman saying don't do it. Lesnar slowly climbs the steps, puts one leg in the ring, and actually gets inside. As is usually the case, HHH is more than capable of fighting Lesnar one on one and sends him flying through the door while looking like it's not a problem at all. Oh and Brock looks scared.
Results
Ryback b. Zack Ryder Shell Shock
Prime Time Players b. Tons of Funk Rollup to Clay
Kofi Kingston b. Damien Sandow Trouble in Paradise
Randy Orton b. Antonio Cesaro RKO
John Cena/HELL NO b. Shield Cena last eliminated Ambrose via DQ when Reigns and Rollins interfered
Jack Swagger b. Big E. Langston via countout
AJ b. Natalya Black Widow
Tuesday
Raw got a 2.92, up very slightly from last week but still the second lowest number of the year.
Wednesday
NXT
Date: May 15, 2013
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Brad Maddox
The main event tonight is Langston defending the title against Damien Sandow which is a good match for him. Sandow is a main show guy and a match against him wouldn't do any harm at all to Langston's status in NXT. Other than that we'll get to see where the Wyatt Family goes with their new titles. Let's get to it.
After a quick video on the title match tonight and the theme song we're ready to go.
Summer Rae vs. Natalya
Summer is now doing the Maryse hair toss. A quick headlock takes Natalya down but Summer uses those long legs of hers to counter into a headscissors. They stay on the mat with Natalya grabbing an armbar until we hit a standoff. After hitting the ropes a few times, Natalya tries the Sharpshooter to no avail. Instead it's a discus lariat for two on Summer but she manages to send Natalya to the apron. An enziguri gets two on Natayla and we take a break.
Back with Summer getting two off something we didn't see and firing off kicks in the corner. Apparently this is happening because Summer said Natalya hung out with freaks in Horny and Khali. A back elbow to the face gets two for Summer and she cranks on Natalya's arm on the mat. Cue Paige as Natalya counters into the Sharpshooter, only to have Summer kick off and send Natayla into Paige. With Paige on the floor, Summer rolls Natalya up for the pin at 5:46 shown of 9:16.
Paige chases Summer off post match.
Sami Zayn (El Generico) is debuting against Curt Hawkins next week and says this isn't his first rodeo.
Here's Bray Wyatt with a gray mask on his face (due to a broken nose) and what looks like a leather apron. He says this is the new face of fear and no matter who looks into his face, they can't hurt him because he is already dead.
Danny Burch vs. Bray Wyatt
Burch is from London and has his own music. Wyatt starts with a slap to the face and takes Burch down with ease. A chinlock allows Bray to drill him in the face with a forearm before hitting that cross body of his. The splash in the corner sets up Sister Abigail for the pin at 2:07. Total squash.
Bo Dallas comes up to Adrian Neville but doesn't seem to care about Neville's update on Oliver Grey's injury. Instead he'd rather talk about John Cena winning the Rumble, which Dallas happened to be in. Neville might just make it after all. Adrian has no idea what Dallas is talking about, but Dallas would rather talk about a #1 contenders battle royal in two weeks. Neville is in as well....and that's that. This was pretty awkward but Dallas was acting rather heelish.
Conor O'Brian vs. Sakamoto/Briley Pierce
O'Brian beat up both guys last week so tonight it's a handicap match. Sakamoto starts and is easily thrown down off a double chicken wing lift. Off to Pierce who is caught in a series of headlock takeovers. A suplex puts Briley down and it's back to Sakamoto who has no effect with some chops. O'Brian pounds them both down with ease before hitting a splash to both guys at once in the corner. A very impressive double flapjack sets up a double pin for O'Brian at 2:36. Another total squash.
Post match Rick Victor comes out to the stage for a staredown with O'Brian.
Corey Graves says that his entire life has been ups and downs. You have to fail before you can succeed, but if you keep fighting you can win. He'll be in the battle royal in two weeks and get the title shot he wants. Bray Wyatt of all people comes in and wants to know why Graves is here while the greatest war in human history is going on outside his door. Kassius Ohno knows what Bray talking about but Bray doesn't go into any more depth than that. He says he owns NXT and that he's the eater of worlds. Corey says he doesn't have his own family but if the Wyatt Family keeps messing with him, they're going down.
NXT Title: Damien Sandow vs. Big E. Langston
Apparently it's Graves vs. Wyatt next week. Langston powers Sandow into the corner to start before running him over with a shoulder. Damien escapes the Big Ending so Langston shouts FIVE. A slam puts Sandow down again and Big E. pounds away on the ribs. Maddox says that wrestling Langston is like wrestling a frozen bison. Sandow is dropped on his back out of the corner but fights out of another Big Ending attempt.
We take a break and come back with Langston suplexing Sandow down. Big E. misses a charge into the corner though, allowing Sandow to clothesline him in the back of the head to take over. We hit the chinlock but Langston powers up, only to be hit with a dropkick. Off to a headscissors by Damien for a bit before he gets two off a top rope ax handle. Some knee drops to the chest get the same and it's back to the chinlock.
Langston fights up and hits a quick belly to belly suplex and a series of hard clotheslines. Big E. fires off five knees to the ribs but Damien counters the Big Ending into an Edge-O-Matic for two. The Wind-Up elbow misses but Damien hits a swinging neckbreaker. A second attempt at the elbow connects but the Terminus is countered into the Big Ending to retain Langston's title at 11:28 shown of 14:58.
Post match another Big Ending gets Langston the five count to end the show.
Results
Summer Rae b. Natayla Rollup
Bray Wyatt b. Danny Burch Sister Abigail
Conor O'Brian b. Briley Pierce/Sakamoto Double Flapjack
Big E. Langston b. Damien Sandow Big Ending
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: May 16, 2013
Location: BancorpSouth Arena, Tupelo, Mississippi
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Tazz, Mike Tenay
We're still in Mississippi tonight and the majority of the show is likely going to be dealing with the return of Abyss. The monster returned last week and cleaned house of Aces and 8's, meaning that tonight Abyss is likely going to be the new hope for TNA in their lackluster war with the bikers. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of Abyss returning last week.
Here's Hogan to open things up. He says that the fans are crazy here in Tupelo but now wants to talk about AJ Styles. If AJ wants to run from Angle and Sting like he did last week, go ahead and join Aces and 8's brother. It's Angle vs. Styles at the PPV and the contract signing for Sting vs. Ray is tonight. Right now though, Hogan wants to talk to Abyss. Abyss has new music....but here's Joseph Park instead.
Park talks about sitting on his couch last week and being amazed that Abyss was back. Hogan says that he needs to talk to Abyss right now and if anyone knows where he is, it's Park. Instead though here are D-Von and D'Lo to interrupt the festivities. D-Von says that Abyss is meddling in club business and that he wasn't even the legal man for the pin last week.
Park wants to know who D-Von thinks who he is because Aces and 8's are starting to tick him off. He challenges D-Von to a match right now but Brown offers to fight Park instead. Hogan says it's on and D-Von says that he's coming for Abyss. Also if Park wins, he gets a match with D-Von in the future.
James Storm says just watch what he does tonight about what happened in the tag match last week.
Christian York talks about wanting to get into the Bound For Glory Series.
Bobby Roode vs. Chavo Guerrero
Chavo hipblocks out of an armbar to start before hiptossing him down again. Off to a quick headlock as Roode is getting frustrated early. A headscissors puts Roode on the floor but he pulls Chavo face first into the apron to take over. Back in and Roode chokes away before hitting a Hennig neck snap for no cover. Another headscissors sends Roode staggering and it's off to Three Amigos. Roode pops up and crotches Chavo to break up the frog splash as James Storm comes to the ring and spits beer in Roode's face for the DQ at 3:32.
We look at Angle telling Styles that he's either with TNA or against them, leading to a brawl between the two of them.
Here's Angle with something to say. He says that he never backs down from a fight, and last week he took the fight to AJ. At Slammiversary, they're going to face each other one more time, but Angle doesn't want to wait until then. Instead of AJ though, here's Anderson of Aces and 8's. Anderson says Angle sounds like a woman because AJ isn't Kurt's boy. Next Thursday everyone is going to witness AJ being patched into the club. Angle decks Anderson but here's AJ. Anderson bails and Styles slides in, only to get caught in a staredown with Angle. Kurt runs his mouth and gets caught by an enziguri to lay him down.
Jay Bradley talks about what wrestling means to him.
Bound For Glory Series Tournament Semi-Finals: Christian York vs. Jay Bradley
The tournament will conclude at Slammiversary with the winner going on to the BFG Series. They shove each other around to start with Bradley taking over via a right hand and a big boot to the face. Off to a quick chinlock on York but Christian rolls away from Bradley's Boom Stick lariat. A headscissors puts Bradley face first intot he middle buckle, allowing York to hit his rolling cannonball into the corner. The Mood Swing neckbreaker is escaped as well and they slug it out. Bradley puts him on top, only to avoid a top rope ax handle. The Boom Stick ends York at 3:57.
Bradley says he's a step closer to the world title.
Storm apparently was reprimanded for what he did but he's not done tonight.
Anderson is excited about patching AJ in next week. Brown has to win tonight or he's off the team.
Velvet Sky vs. Gail Kim
Non-title match here and Velvet is wearing a different outfit than she was shown wearing on her way to the ring. Velvet stomps away to start and hits a headscissors but gets caught with a shot to her bad knee. Gail stays on the knee with kicks to the back of the leg and bending it around the ropes. Off to a half Texas Cloverleaf half Sharpshooter by Gail but Velvet makes the rope.
Gail bends Velvet's knee around her neck but again Sky gets to the ropes. Kim goes up top, only to be slammed off the top. Velvet, ever the smart one, fires off some kicks with the bad leg and injures herself again. Gail goes for the Figure Four around the post but Velvet kicks her into the corner and gets a quick rollup for the pin at 6:17.
Petey Williams, Kenny King and Chris Sabin all talk trash about the X Title match tonight.
X-Division Title: Petey Williams vs. Kenny King vs. Chris Sabin
King is defending, Sabin is back from an injury and Williams is here because of the stupid three way X-Division Title rules. King bails to the floor to start but after Sabin is taken down, Petey is pulled to the floor by the champion. Sabin vs. King in the ring now with Chris firing off some hard chops to take over. A kick to Sabin's face takes him right back down though and here's Petey again with his slingshot Codebreaker for no cover.
Williams kicks Sabin to the floor, allowing King to get back up and take over on Petey. We hit a chinlock for a bit until Sabin comes back in and fires off forearms and a belly to back suplex for two on the champ. Back to Petey in control now with the Russian legsweep and a lifting downward spiral for two each on King.
Everyone is back in now but Sabin can't hit a tornado DDT on King. A spinwheel kick gets two on Petey but Sabin puts King in the Tree of Woe. Sabin hits a Death Valley Driver on Petey into King followed by a running kick to Petey's jaw. King comes back with a running knee to Sabin and the Royal Flush on Petey retains the title at 7:16.
Bad Influence talks strategy for Daniels vs. Hernandez tonight.
Anderson says he stopped Ray from hitting Brown in the head last week to save the club. Apparently Brown buried Bischoff and Brisco and he's sorry.
Christopher Daniels vs. Hernandez
Daniels goes straight for SuperMex in the corner and pounds away, only to completely fail at a suplex attempt. Hernandez hits the delayed vertical suplex and the over the shoulder backbreaker for good measure. The big man walks down the ramp for his big jumping shoulder over the ropes to take Daniels down.
Kaz finally interferes to give Daniels control and a neckbreaker gets two on Hernandez. SuperMex comes right back with a slingshot shoulder and some clotheslines to take over again but a charge misses Daniels in the corner. Daniels loads up Angel's Wings but here's Storm again. The distraction lets Hernandez run Daniels over with a shoulder block for the pin at 4:30.
Joseph Park vs. D'Lo Brown
Great, I've sat through all that to get a D'LO BROWN match. Brown slams Park down to start but Park comes back with some rights and lefts. D'Lo comes back with more shots of his own followed by a leg lariat in the corner. A clothesline has Park in trouble and Brown pounds away in the corner, drawing blood from Park's head. It's time for Park to snap again and some clothesline set up the Black Hole Slam for the pin at 4:42.
Here's Ray for the contract signing. He shoves JB over and is already talking trash about beating Jeff Hardy and about how he's going to beat Sting at Slammiversary. Ray knows that Sting has some stipulations for the title match so get out here right now and tell them. Sting comes out but Ray wants to see Sting's life partner too, so here's Hulk. Ray talks about screwing over Sting, Hulk and especially Brooke. This is the first time he and Sting have been face to face since Bully screwed Sting over.
Sting doesn't care about what Ray did to him in the past. In Boston though, Ray should break Sting's arm, rip his kneecap off, gouge his eyes out and make Sting bleed. Ray wants to know why Sting would say to do all those things. Sting says if Ray doesn't do those things to him, he'll do them to Ray. He doesn't care if it's in the parking lot, the ring, or the concession stand, because Sting wants it to be no holds barred. Ray says ok, but only if Sting agrees to never challenge for the world title again if he loses. Sting accepts and they brawl to end the show.
Results
Bobby Roode b. Chavo Guerrero via DQ when James Storm interfered
Jay Bradley b. Christian York Boom Stick
Velvet Sky b. Gail Kim Rollup
Kenny King b. Chris Sabin and Petey Williams Royal Flush to Williams
Hernandez b. Christopher Daniels Running shoulder block
Joseph Park b. D'Lo Brown Black Hole Slam
Smackdown got a 1.9.
Monday Night Raw
Date: May 13, 2013
Location: BOK Center, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole. Jerry Lawler
It's finally the go home show for Extreme Rules and the main attraction of tonight's show is that HHH and Lesnar will be face to face. You know, because that hasn't happened far too often already. Other than that we have Jericho vs. Fandango in a dance off which at least should be funny. Oh and maybe Ryback vs. Cena too if we have time between all the Lesnar vs. HHH recaps and replays. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of the end of last week's show with Ryback beating down Cena with a chair.
Lawler is in the ring to host the dance off. We get clips of Fandango vs. Jericho from Wrestlemania with Fandango getting the pin. Apparently there's a rematch on Sunday. There's a wood floor on the mat for the guys to dance on. Fandango is dancing with Summer Rae and Jericho has a woman from Dancing with the Stars as his partner.
Lawler insists that this is NOT a popularity contest and you're supposed to judge based on their skills only. Fandango insists he didn't lose to Khali because the fans just didn't know what they were talking about. Also as long as there's a Chris Jericho, there's a better man named Fandango.
Jericho talks about all of the contests he's won in WWE history that didn't involve wrestling and says he's winning tonight. Then he'll win on Sunday as well, and then there's going to be a song about Jericho dancing all over Fandango's face. Fandango and Summer go first....or rather they're about to when Fandango says cut the music. Apparently the fans were being too loud and he can't focus. They get started and a few seconds in Summer twists her ankle.
The pro dancer goes to look at it as does the trainer but Fandango starts to leave. As Jericho is looking at Summer, Fandango jumps Jericho and beats him down. Fandango beats him down for a good while, whipping Jericho into whatever object he can find. He picks up a piece of the wooden floor and blasts Jericho in the face with it for good measure. To the shock of no one, Summer is fine and walks off.
Tonight it's Shield vs. Cena/HELL NO in an elimination match.
We see the end of Raw from last week again.
Ryback vs. Zack Ryder
Ryder now has long tights. As the destruction is going on, we get a commercial for the WWE App where Del Rio is having an interview right now. What also is going on right now is a Shell Shock to Ryder for the pin at 1:04. Total dominance.
We get a clip of HHH being attacked by Lesnar last year and breaking his arm. According to Cole, this was when HHH was COO of the company. Didn't the sign on his office last week
say he was still COO?
Tons of Funk vs. Prime Time Players
Tensai crushes Darren to start but gets kicked in the face by Titus. Cole talks about all the countries watching the show tonight so he doesn't have to talk about the match. Titus misses a running charge into the corner and it's off to Brodus to clean house. As Clay knocks Darren down, Titus rolls up Brodus for the pin at 1:38. Replays show that Darren hit Brodus in the throat with his hair pick to allow the pin.
We look at the clip from Smackdown where Swagger gave Ziggler a concussion, meaning the world title match is in jeopardy.
Here's Teddy to make the announcement about the World Title, but Colter and Swagger come out and say Swagger should be made champion. AJ and Langston come out to argue about Ziggler keeping the title, but Teddy cuts them off. Ziggler won't be losing the title, and Swagger vs. Del Rio on Sunday is now an I Quit #1 contenders match. Also tonight it's Langston vs. one of them, with the opponent being decided by a poll on the WWE App.
Kofi Kingston vs. Damien Sandow
Ambrose vs. Kingston for the US Title is official. Damien says he won't be singing a song tonight because Kofi's song is foolish. Sandow pounds away to start and hits his rapid fire knees to the chest followed by the Wind-Up Elbow for two. The announcers are of course talking about comic books. We go WAY old school with an abdominal stretch by Damien but Kofi reverses into one of his own. Kofi comes back with a dropkick and the Boom Drop, only to miss the cross body out of the corner. Sandow hits a running flip neckbreaker for two but Kofi pops up and hits Trouble in Paradise for the pin at 2:28.
Here's Mark Henry with a strap to call out Sheamus and induct him into the Hall of Pain. We get some clips of how this match is set up, including Henry pulling the semi trucks on Smackdown. Henry tells Josh Matthews to put the strap around his wrist before shoving him down. He easily touches all four corners and lets Josh go, saying that he feels very generous.
Sheamus comes out and says Henry isn't the brightest man in the world. He doesn't want to get in the ring at first but Henry calls him a coward and that's enough to get Sheamus to come out. Henry won't let him in with the strap, but Sheamus pulls one of his own out from under the ring. Sheamus beats on Henry enough to send Henry running off.
We get a clip of Lesnar attacking Vince many months ago.
Trailer for 12 Rounds 2, starring Randy Orton.
We look at a clip of the opening segment again in case you've forgotten about it already.
Antonio Cesaro vs. Randy Orton
This is a rematch from Main Event where Orton won. Cesaro pounds away to start and has to be pulled off Orton in the corner. Off to a chinlock for a but but Orton comes back with a kick to the face and the powerslam. Cesaro counters the Elevated DDT into a rollup for two, only to stand up and get caught in the RKO for the pin at 3:10.
The Miz vs. Heath Slater
Feeling out process to start but Miz hits a quick sunset flip and backbreaker for two. Mahal trips up Miz and Slater gets a big boot for two. A neckbreaker gets two for Slater and it's off to a quick chinlock. Miz comes back with a forearm and a boot to the face as we get ANOTHER commercial for the WWE App. A top rope ax handle puts Slater down but he grabs the rope to avoid the figure four. Slater goes up but gets thrown down onto the rest of his band and injures his knee in the process. Back in and the figure four ends this at 4:14.
Clip of Alicia Fox and Layla at a cancer walk.
Back in February, HHH beat up Lesnar with a chair. They're doing the whole history of the feud tonight to show us just how important it's been.
John Cena/HELL NO vs. Shield
This is elimination rules like a Survivor Series match. The tag champions are defending the titles against Rollins and Reigns in a Texas Tornado match. Ambrose and Kane get things started with Kane pounding Dean into the corner. Bryan comes in with kicks to the chest and a painful looking arm hold. Off to Rollins vs. Cena with John putting on a front facelock as we take a break.
Back with Shield beating on Bryan in the corner as the Shield makes their traditional quick tags to pound away on him. Ambrose stomps away but the bearded one gets up and fires back, hitting a running knee to the ribs and making the tag to Kane. Kane cleans house with clotheslines all around and a sidewalk slam gets two on Ambrose. A DDT gets the same result and there's the top rope clothesline. He loads up the chokeslam but has to shove Ambrose and Rollins to the floor. Kane follows them out and winds up getting counted out for an elimination.
We take another break and come back with Reigns pounding on Cena in the corner before it's off to Rollins to take out Cena's bad leg. Cena finally gets in a shot to the face and dives over for a tag off to Bryan. Daniel immediately hits a suicide dive onto Reigns and a missile dropkick on Rollins for two. Ambrose sneaks up on Bryan and the bulldog driver is enough to put Bryan out, making it 3-1 with Cena in trouble.
John charges right at Ambrose but gets caught by all three. Cena fights them off and gets down to Rollins alone in the ring. The champ initiates his finishing sequence and hits the Shuffle, only to have Ambrose break it up. Cena clears away Ambrose and Reigns before hitting the AA to eliminate Rollins. Ambrose charges into the AA but Cena spears him down, although he draws a DQ for shoving the referee. Dean covers him for two as we're down to one on one. The STF goes on but Rollins and Reigns come in for the DQ at 23:21.
Post match the Shield hits the TripleBomb and leaves, allowing Ryback to come out and hit Cena's leg with a chair.
Video on HHH vs. Ryback from Wrestlemania.
Swagger wins the poll by a wide margin of 65-35.
Big E. Langston vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger pounds away to start but Langston shoves him into the corner with raw power. Jack fires off some right hands and tries for the Patriot Lock, only to be kicked away as we take a break. Back with Langston hitting some backbreakers on Jack for two before Swagger fires off some shots to the ribs.
The Vader Bomb gets two but Langston pops up and runs Swagger over. A superplex puts Swagger down for two more but Jack escapes the Big Ending. Swagger hits a chop block and there's the Patriot Lock, but Langston makes the rope. Jack is backdropped to the floor but manages to clothesline Langston over the barricade for the countout at 10:00.
Post match Del Rio runs out but gets put in the Patriot Lock. Ricardo tries to help him but gets kicked in the head, allowing Del Rio to put Swagger in the cross armbreaker for a tap out. Langston breaks it up for absolutely no apparent reason, but Del Rio clears the ring.
Natalya vs. AJ
Kaitlyn and the Bellas are on commentary while Horny and Khali are standing off to the side. Kaitlyn gets another gift as the match is ignored yet again. It's a Simpsons trivia game or something like that but we have to talk about clothes as AJ is sent to the floor for a hard shot from Natalya. Another one seems to knock her out but after sending AJ back in, she locks in an octopus hold called the Black Widow for the tap out from Natalya at 3:10.
Jericho says he'll teach Fandango to dance Jericho style on Sunday.
Time for HHH and Lesnar's showdown, which is the real main event tonight. A cage is lowered for some extra atmosphere. HHH talks about how he's learned to hate this but he feels at home in the cage. He wants Heyman and Lesnar out here right now, and of course what HHH wants, he gets.
Paul and Brock come out but HHH tells them to shut up. Heyman talks about how they're not allowed to say hate on WWE programming but Heyman will do it anyway. Paul talks about how HHH is going to have to lose in the cage and face everyone after it whether he likes it or not. HHH again says bring it on but apparently Brock doesn't fight for free.
That's fine with HHH because he's figured out why Lesnar won't fight. See, HHH has done the unthinkable and beat Brock while knocking him out. I guess Extreme Rules from last year is erased from history. He talks directly to Brock and says bring it on. Lesnar walks to the ring with Heyman saying don't do it. Lesnar slowly climbs the steps, puts one leg in the ring, and actually gets inside. As is usually the case, HHH is more than capable of fighting Lesnar one on one and sends him flying through the door while looking like it's not a problem at all. Oh and Brock looks scared.
Results
Ryback b. Zack Ryder Shell Shock
Prime Time Players b. Tons of Funk Rollup to Clay
Kofi Kingston b. Damien Sandow Trouble in Paradise
Randy Orton b. Antonio Cesaro RKO
John Cena/HELL NO b. Shield Cena last eliminated Ambrose via DQ when Reigns and Rollins interfered
Jack Swagger b. Big E. Langston via countout
AJ b. Natalya Black Widow
Tuesday
Raw got a 2.92, up very slightly from last week but still the second lowest number of the year.
Wednesday
NXT
Date: May 15, 2013
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Brad Maddox
The main event tonight is Langston defending the title against Damien Sandow which is a good match for him. Sandow is a main show guy and a match against him wouldn't do any harm at all to Langston's status in NXT. Other than that we'll get to see where the Wyatt Family goes with their new titles. Let's get to it.
After a quick video on the title match tonight and the theme song we're ready to go.
Summer Rae vs. Natalya
Summer is now doing the Maryse hair toss. A quick headlock takes Natalya down but Summer uses those long legs of hers to counter into a headscissors. They stay on the mat with Natalya grabbing an armbar until we hit a standoff. After hitting the ropes a few times, Natalya tries the Sharpshooter to no avail. Instead it's a discus lariat for two on Summer but she manages to send Natalya to the apron. An enziguri gets two on Natayla and we take a break.
Back with Summer getting two off something we didn't see and firing off kicks in the corner. Apparently this is happening because Summer said Natalya hung out with freaks in Horny and Khali. A back elbow to the face gets two for Summer and she cranks on Natalya's arm on the mat. Cue Paige as Natalya counters into the Sharpshooter, only to have Summer kick off and send Natayla into Paige. With Paige on the floor, Summer rolls Natalya up for the pin at 5:46 shown of 9:16.
Paige chases Summer off post match.
Sami Zayn (El Generico) is debuting against Curt Hawkins next week and says this isn't his first rodeo.
Here's Bray Wyatt with a gray mask on his face (due to a broken nose) and what looks like a leather apron. He says this is the new face of fear and no matter who looks into his face, they can't hurt him because he is already dead.
Danny Burch vs. Bray Wyatt
Burch is from London and has his own music. Wyatt starts with a slap to the face and takes Burch down with ease. A chinlock allows Bray to drill him in the face with a forearm before hitting that cross body of his. The splash in the corner sets up Sister Abigail for the pin at 2:07. Total squash.
Bo Dallas comes up to Adrian Neville but doesn't seem to care about Neville's update on Oliver Grey's injury. Instead he'd rather talk about John Cena winning the Rumble, which Dallas happened to be in. Neville might just make it after all. Adrian has no idea what Dallas is talking about, but Dallas would rather talk about a #1 contenders battle royal in two weeks. Neville is in as well....and that's that. This was pretty awkward but Dallas was acting rather heelish.
Conor O'Brian vs. Sakamoto/Briley Pierce
O'Brian beat up both guys last week so tonight it's a handicap match. Sakamoto starts and is easily thrown down off a double chicken wing lift. Off to Pierce who is caught in a series of headlock takeovers. A suplex puts Briley down and it's back to Sakamoto who has no effect with some chops. O'Brian pounds them both down with ease before hitting a splash to both guys at once in the corner. A very impressive double flapjack sets up a double pin for O'Brian at 2:36. Another total squash.
Post match Rick Victor comes out to the stage for a staredown with O'Brian.
Corey Graves says that his entire life has been ups and downs. You have to fail before you can succeed, but if you keep fighting you can win. He'll be in the battle royal in two weeks and get the title shot he wants. Bray Wyatt of all people comes in and wants to know why Graves is here while the greatest war in human history is going on outside his door. Kassius Ohno knows what Bray talking about but Bray doesn't go into any more depth than that. He says he owns NXT and that he's the eater of worlds. Corey says he doesn't have his own family but if the Wyatt Family keeps messing with him, they're going down.
NXT Title: Damien Sandow vs. Big E. Langston
Apparently it's Graves vs. Wyatt next week. Langston powers Sandow into the corner to start before running him over with a shoulder. Damien escapes the Big Ending so Langston shouts FIVE. A slam puts Sandow down again and Big E. pounds away on the ribs. Maddox says that wrestling Langston is like wrestling a frozen bison. Sandow is dropped on his back out of the corner but fights out of another Big Ending attempt.
We take a break and come back with Langston suplexing Sandow down. Big E. misses a charge into the corner though, allowing Sandow to clothesline him in the back of the head to take over. We hit the chinlock but Langston powers up, only to be hit with a dropkick. Off to a headscissors by Damien for a bit before he gets two off a top rope ax handle. Some knee drops to the chest get the same and it's back to the chinlock.
Langston fights up and hits a quick belly to belly suplex and a series of hard clotheslines. Big E. fires off five knees to the ribs but Damien counters the Big Ending into an Edge-O-Matic for two. The Wind-Up elbow misses but Damien hits a swinging neckbreaker. A second attempt at the elbow connects but the Terminus is countered into the Big Ending to retain Langston's title at 11:28 shown of 14:58.
Post match another Big Ending gets Langston the five count to end the show.
Results
Summer Rae b. Natayla Rollup
Bray Wyatt b. Danny Burch Sister Abigail
Conor O'Brian b. Briley Pierce/Sakamoto Double Flapjack
Big E. Langston b. Damien Sandow Big Ending
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: May 16, 2013
Location: BancorpSouth Arena, Tupelo, Mississippi
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Tazz, Mike Tenay
We're still in Mississippi tonight and the majority of the show is likely going to be dealing with the return of Abyss. The monster returned last week and cleaned house of Aces and 8's, meaning that tonight Abyss is likely going to be the new hope for TNA in their lackluster war with the bikers. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of Abyss returning last week.
Here's Hogan to open things up. He says that the fans are crazy here in Tupelo but now wants to talk about AJ Styles. If AJ wants to run from Angle and Sting like he did last week, go ahead and join Aces and 8's brother. It's Angle vs. Styles at the PPV and the contract signing for Sting vs. Ray is tonight. Right now though, Hogan wants to talk to Abyss. Abyss has new music....but here's Joseph Park instead.
Park talks about sitting on his couch last week and being amazed that Abyss was back. Hogan says that he needs to talk to Abyss right now and if anyone knows where he is, it's Park. Instead though here are D-Von and D'Lo to interrupt the festivities. D-Von says that Abyss is meddling in club business and that he wasn't even the legal man for the pin last week.
Park wants to know who D-Von thinks who he is because Aces and 8's are starting to tick him off. He challenges D-Von to a match right now but Brown offers to fight Park instead. Hogan says it's on and D-Von says that he's coming for Abyss. Also if Park wins, he gets a match with D-Von in the future.
James Storm says just watch what he does tonight about what happened in the tag match last week.
Christian York talks about wanting to get into the Bound For Glory Series.
Bobby Roode vs. Chavo Guerrero
Chavo hipblocks out of an armbar to start before hiptossing him down again. Off to a quick headlock as Roode is getting frustrated early. A headscissors puts Roode on the floor but he pulls Chavo face first into the apron to take over. Back in and Roode chokes away before hitting a Hennig neck snap for no cover. Another headscissors sends Roode staggering and it's off to Three Amigos. Roode pops up and crotches Chavo to break up the frog splash as James Storm comes to the ring and spits beer in Roode's face for the DQ at 3:32.
We look at Angle telling Styles that he's either with TNA or against them, leading to a brawl between the two of them.
Here's Angle with something to say. He says that he never backs down from a fight, and last week he took the fight to AJ. At Slammiversary, they're going to face each other one more time, but Angle doesn't want to wait until then. Instead of AJ though, here's Anderson of Aces and 8's. Anderson says Angle sounds like a woman because AJ isn't Kurt's boy. Next Thursday everyone is going to witness AJ being patched into the club. Angle decks Anderson but here's AJ. Anderson bails and Styles slides in, only to get caught in a staredown with Angle. Kurt runs his mouth and gets caught by an enziguri to lay him down.
Jay Bradley talks about what wrestling means to him.
Bound For Glory Series Tournament Semi-Finals: Christian York vs. Jay Bradley
The tournament will conclude at Slammiversary with the winner going on to the BFG Series. They shove each other around to start with Bradley taking over via a right hand and a big boot to the face. Off to a quick chinlock on York but Christian rolls away from Bradley's Boom Stick lariat. A headscissors puts Bradley face first intot he middle buckle, allowing York to hit his rolling cannonball into the corner. The Mood Swing neckbreaker is escaped as well and they slug it out. Bradley puts him on top, only to avoid a top rope ax handle. The Boom Stick ends York at 3:57.
Bradley says he's a step closer to the world title.
Storm apparently was reprimanded for what he did but he's not done tonight.
Anderson is excited about patching AJ in next week. Brown has to win tonight or he's off the team.
Velvet Sky vs. Gail Kim
Non-title match here and Velvet is wearing a different outfit than she was shown wearing on her way to the ring. Velvet stomps away to start and hits a headscissors but gets caught with a shot to her bad knee. Gail stays on the knee with kicks to the back of the leg and bending it around the ropes. Off to a half Texas Cloverleaf half Sharpshooter by Gail but Velvet makes the rope.
Gail bends Velvet's knee around her neck but again Sky gets to the ropes. Kim goes up top, only to be slammed off the top. Velvet, ever the smart one, fires off some kicks with the bad leg and injures herself again. Gail goes for the Figure Four around the post but Velvet kicks her into the corner and gets a quick rollup for the pin at 6:17.
Petey Williams, Kenny King and Chris Sabin all talk trash about the X Title match tonight.
X-Division Title: Petey Williams vs. Kenny King vs. Chris Sabin
King is defending, Sabin is back from an injury and Williams is here because of the stupid three way X-Division Title rules. King bails to the floor to start but after Sabin is taken down, Petey is pulled to the floor by the champion. Sabin vs. King in the ring now with Chris firing off some hard chops to take over. A kick to Sabin's face takes him right back down though and here's Petey again with his slingshot Codebreaker for no cover.
Williams kicks Sabin to the floor, allowing King to get back up and take over on Petey. We hit a chinlock for a bit until Sabin comes back in and fires off forearms and a belly to back suplex for two on the champ. Back to Petey in control now with the Russian legsweep and a lifting downward spiral for two each on King.
Everyone is back in now but Sabin can't hit a tornado DDT on King. A spinwheel kick gets two on Petey but Sabin puts King in the Tree of Woe. Sabin hits a Death Valley Driver on Petey into King followed by a running kick to Petey's jaw. King comes back with a running knee to Sabin and the Royal Flush on Petey retains the title at 7:16.
Bad Influence talks strategy for Daniels vs. Hernandez tonight.
Anderson says he stopped Ray from hitting Brown in the head last week to save the club. Apparently Brown buried Bischoff and Brisco and he's sorry.
Christopher Daniels vs. Hernandez
Daniels goes straight for SuperMex in the corner and pounds away, only to completely fail at a suplex attempt. Hernandez hits the delayed vertical suplex and the over the shoulder backbreaker for good measure. The big man walks down the ramp for his big jumping shoulder over the ropes to take Daniels down.
Kaz finally interferes to give Daniels control and a neckbreaker gets two on Hernandez. SuperMex comes right back with a slingshot shoulder and some clotheslines to take over again but a charge misses Daniels in the corner. Daniels loads up Angel's Wings but here's Storm again. The distraction lets Hernandez run Daniels over with a shoulder block for the pin at 4:30.
Joseph Park vs. D'Lo Brown
Great, I've sat through all that to get a D'LO BROWN match. Brown slams Park down to start but Park comes back with some rights and lefts. D'Lo comes back with more shots of his own followed by a leg lariat in the corner. A clothesline has Park in trouble and Brown pounds away in the corner, drawing blood from Park's head. It's time for Park to snap again and some clothesline set up the Black Hole Slam for the pin at 4:42.
Here's Ray for the contract signing. He shoves JB over and is already talking trash about beating Jeff Hardy and about how he's going to beat Sting at Slammiversary. Ray knows that Sting has some stipulations for the title match so get out here right now and tell them. Sting comes out but Ray wants to see Sting's life partner too, so here's Hulk. Ray talks about screwing over Sting, Hulk and especially Brooke. This is the first time he and Sting have been face to face since Bully screwed Sting over.
Sting doesn't care about what Ray did to him in the past. In Boston though, Ray should break Sting's arm, rip his kneecap off, gouge his eyes out and make Sting bleed. Ray wants to know why Sting would say to do all those things. Sting says if Ray doesn't do those things to him, he'll do them to Ray. He doesn't care if it's in the parking lot, the ring, or the concession stand, because Sting wants it to be no holds barred. Ray says ok, but only if Sting agrees to never challenge for the world title again if he loses. Sting accepts and they brawl to end the show.
Results
Bobby Roode b. Chavo Guerrero via DQ when James Storm interfered
Jay Bradley b. Christian York Boom Stick
Velvet Sky b. Gail Kim Rollup
Kenny King b. Chris Sabin and Petey Williams Royal Flush to Williams
Hernandez b. Christopher Daniels Running shoulder block
Joseph Park b. D'Lo Brown Black Hole Slam