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Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 12, 2018
Location: Little Caesars Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman
We’re FINALLY away from all other pay per views and that means it’s time to get on with the real Wrestlemania build. Tonight is scheduled to featured Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar going face to face but that was the case two weeks ago as well. I can’t shake the feeling that WWE is going to manage to screw this one up. Let’s get to it.
Here’s Kurt Angle to open things up. He’s looking forward to competing at Wrestlemania where he and his partner are going to give HHH and Stephanie McMahon the beatings of their life. That takes us to the Universal Title match...and Brock Lesnar isn’t here tonight because of something ranging from transportation issues to not feeling well to just not showing up.
Cue Roman Reigns to say what just happened was Brock didn’t show up for work today. For anyone else, there would be a fine, a suspension, or being fired, but that’s not happening to Vince’s boy. Reigns says if Angle didn’t show up, he’d be fired and not be able to feed his kids. Reigns passed Vince McMahon in the back and Vince didn’t have the courtesy to apologize. Roman isn’t going to have Vince disrespect him so he leaves the ring and goes to the gorilla position, where Vince and Shane are producing the show. Vince gets up and says they’ll talk in his office.
Reigns leaves Vince’s office and has nothing to say. Vince comes out a second later and says he had to tell Reigns to know his role and shut his mouth. Brock has certain privileges and may not like anyone but he respects competition. Vince says Brock will be at Wrestlemania and will defend his title but he also promises that Brock will be here next week. As for Reigns, he’s been temporarily suspended.
Sasha Banks vs. Sonya Deville
Bayley and the rest of Absolution are at ringside. Sasha gets two off an early sunset flip and sends Sonya outside as we take an early break. Back with Sasha getting kicked in the ribs and caught in a bodyscissors. Sasha fights up again and knees Sonya out of the corner. The middle rope knees get two and Bayley cutting off Absolution sets up the Bank Statement to make Sonya tap at 7:39.
Bayley leaves and Absolution beats Sasha down with no one to stop them.
Kid Rock Hall of Fame announcement.
It’s time for MizTV. Miz talks about being forced to defend his title against two opponents at Wrestlemania and those challengers are his guests tonight: Seth Rollins and Finn Balor. Miz immediately tries to play them against each other, saying that Balor is getting in the way of what could have been a great singles match. Rollins knows what’s going on so Miz says Balor is the man in bingo halls. He was the first ever Universal Champion and beat Rollins to do it.
Miz tries the same thing he tried with Rollins but Balor sees through it as well. Rollins says they don’t need to get fired up because it’s Wrestlemania and the Intercontinental Title. They get back to the Universal Title match though and Balor says he beat Seth with one arm. They’re ready to fight now and Miz is all for this, only to be clotheslined to the floor. Rollins gets in a right hand to Balor though and Miz is very pleased. More angle advancement and that’s fine.
The Bar vs. Miztourage
Non-title. The Miztourage jumps the champs before the bell and there’s no match as the Revival comes in to jump the Bar as well. Anderson and Gallows run out as well and PLEASE tell me this isn’t setting up a freaking ladder match. Titus Worldwide and Heath Slater/Rhyno join in too. The Bar slips out and bails as there was no match of course.
Here’s John Cena to address his loss last night. Cena has found his path to Wrestlemania and some people might not like that. He’s tried as hard as he can but he’s lost every chance. The fans chant for Undertaker and Cena says he hopes the people backstage are listening. He won’t be contributing to Wrestlemania this year (I’m guessing he misspoke when he said he had found his path.).
That doesn’t mean that he’s quitting or walking away because he’ll be there on the same road to Wrestlemania as the fans. He’s going as a fan this year and he’ll be having a blast. Cena may be sitting next to us and goes into the crowd to steal a sip of beer. He starts a THIS IS AWESOME chant before switching to a LET’S GO ROMAN which doesn’t work so well.
Back in the ring, Cena says we need to get one chant out of our system: LET’S GO CENA! You know what comes from there and Cena says the only way that’s going to happen is if he does something he’s not supposed to do. Actually, what does he have to lose if he does it? Cena: “Well screw it. I challenge the Undertaker to a match at Wrestlemania.” He’s been told that’s impossible but he doesn’t quite get why.
Cena says the challenge a few more times and since his mic is still working, it’s clearly not WWE that doesn’t want it to happen. That leaves just Undertaker, who needs to, and I quote, get over his own ego. Undertaker is hiding behind his loss and needs to take his head out of the sand. He’s not too old and he’s not broken down. If he was, he wouldn’t be posting workout videos on his wife’s Instagram. Undertaker is hiding and needs to come try and Tombstone Cena in front of 75,000 people. If Cena was Undertaker, he’d want one more match.
So, to recap, this match is going to have, at most, three weeks of official build (assuming Undertaker doesn’t Tweet a response) because we needed Cena in a six way match at Fastlane. I don’t want to see this match and while it could have a good feeling to it, I would really just prefer that Undertaker goes away after last year’s great moment. The Cena vs. Undertaker match could have been awesome, but unless that hip surgery completely changed Undertaker, last year was a really bad sign.
The Bar is in Angle’s office saying they wanted competition, not to be jumped from behind. They don’t feel safe around here and since they’ve heard rumors of a Superstar Shakeup, they want to go to Smackdown right now. Maybe they could fight the Bludgeon Brothers, New Day or the Usos. Champions vs. champions sounds good to Sheamus. Angle won’t trade them but tonight we’ll find out who the challengers are in a tag team battle royal later tonight. That’s all well and good, as long as a ladder isn’t involved.
We recap last week’s Symphony of Destruction match with Elias having a piano dropped on top of him.
Here’s Elias in a neck brace but still ready to perform because he’s a professional. Elias says this is all our fault and walks away.
Braun Strowman says he dropped a piano on Elias last week. Elias should be grateful that he never made music on an anvil. Braun doesn’t have a Wrestlemania match so tonight he’s making his own path of destruction. I mean, Cena is available at the moment.
Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor
They fight over the arm to start (there’s a bingo space) until Rollins takes over with an elbow and chop. A pair of dropkicks puts Rollins on the floor and there’s a running apron kick to take us to a break. Back with Rollins grabbing a chinlock until Balor fights up and hits a Sling Blade.
1916 and the ripcord knee are both blocked so they trade kicks to the head. They trade kicks to the head with Rollins’ getting two. Rollins charges into another kick to the head but it’s too early for the Coup de Grace. Instead Rollins tries the superplex into the Falcon Arrow, only to have Balor cradle him in a small package for the pin at 14:14.
Video on the Fabulous Moolah, including an announcement of the Fabulous Moolah Battle Royal at Wrestlemania.
Here’s Asuka to address challenging Charlotte last night. After we see the clip, Alexa Bliss and Mickie James cut her off in short order. Alexa can outsmart anyone and she congratulates Asuka on choosing the champion of the B show. Asuka says she chose Charlotte because to be the woman, you have to beat the woman. Bliss thinks that must be a language issue so Asuka wants to beat Alexa right now. Alexa says no because Asuka is getting someone who has unfinished business with her. She tries to bring someone out (presumably Nia) but Mickie jumps Asuka instead.
Mickie James vs. Asuka
Joined in progress with Mickie in control until Asuka kicks her down without much effort. Mickie tries to bail and gets posted for her efforts but Asuka kicks the post by mistake. Asuka barely beats the count back in but the MickieDT is countered and Asuka kicks her in the head with the bad leg. The backfists to the head rock Mickie and there’s the hip attack in the corner. Mickie is smart enough to go back to the leg and there’s a flapjack for good measure. For some reason Mickie goes up top and scores with a heck of a sunset bomb for two. The Mick Kick misses though and the Asuka Lock is good for the submission at 6:31.
Graves explains the Great War to Cole and Coachman and the confused looks are perfect.
Alexa comes in to see Nia and asks where she was. Kurt told her not to come out because she has a match next but that’s not enough for Alexa. Nia doesn’t seem happy with Alexa over what she said last week but Alexa gets all serious and says she loves Nia as her best friend. The love is returned but it’s time for some tough love: Nia needs to be in her corner next week. That’s cool with Nia so everything is fine.
Women’s History Month in Indira Gandhi.
Nia Jax vs. Joan King
Samoan drop in 46 seconds.
Alexa and Mickie are in the back and annoyed over the loss to Asuka. Mickie brings up what Alexa said to Nia last week and Alexa says it was the truth and could have been a lot worse. James thought it was hilarious when Alexa said everyone looks at Nia in the airport. Alexa: “It’s like Shrek going through the TSA.” They keep mocking Nia’s size and intelligence as Nia is near tears. Apparently Charly Caruso is late for an interview but she comes in and says the microphone has been on the entire time. Panic ensues and Nia is storming to the back. Alexa and Mickie leave in a rush and Nia is here a few seconds later to break a lot of stuff.
We get a preview of the Ultimate Deletion, which will take place at the Hardy Compound. The Great War has gone on throughout history and will come to its completion. We actually see Rebecca, Maxel, Wolfgang (Matt’s other son), Senor Benjamin and Vanguard 1. They will vanquish Sister Abigail from Bray Wyatt into the Lake of Reincarnation. The lake could be amazing in WWE’s hands.
Bray says Matt is a liar and a fool but above all else, Matt is just a man. When the devil is standing on your doorstep, never let him in. Bray accepts the invitation and threatens Matt’s family.
Kurt knew Bray was nuts but wants to know what happened to Matt. A referee comes in and Kurt assigns him to Ultimate Deletion next week. Referee: “Did I do something wrong?”
We recap the opening sequence and Reigns’ suspension.
Next week: Asuka vs. Alexa Bliss and Ultimate Deletion.
Tag Team Battle Royal
Heath Slater/Rhyno, Titus Worldwide, Revival, Anderson and Gallows, Miztourage
The winners get the Wrestlemania title shot against the Bar, who are on commentary here. Hang on a second though as here’s Strowman with no partner. He demands that the bell ring and the referee isn’t about to say no. Apollo (with Cole saying Crews) is eliminated and, after a quick chase, Slater is tossed as well. Everyone stares Strowman down and the big beatdown is on but Revival gets smart by eliminating Rhyno.
Titus punches both of them but Strowman throws everyone away and is left alone after everyone went underneath the ropes. It’s Titus going back in to face off with Strowman on his own...and then changing his mind. Back with everyone going after Strowman and a kick to the face putting him through the ropes. A shot with the steps drops Strowman but he’s just in the timekeeper’s area. O’Neil kicks Anderson out of the air and Dawson takes the Clash of the Titus.
The Revival is eliminated and it’s hard to tell how many people are left. Strowman comes back in and gets rid of Titus and Gallows. A powerslam each takes out the Miztourage and we’re down to Strowman and Anderson. A dropkick to Strowman’s knee slows him down and some low superkicks keep him in trouble. The third kick is shoved away though and, with a shout of I’M GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA, Strowman tosses him out to win at 11:02.
The announcers aren’t sure if this is legal to end the show.
Results
Sasha Banks b. Sonya Deville – Bank Statement
Finn Balor b. Seth Rollins – Small package
Asuka b. Mickie James – Asuka Lock
Nia Jax b. Joan King – Samoan drop
Braun Strowman won a tag team battle royal last eliminating Karl Anderson
Tuesday
Smackdown
Date: March 13, 2018
Location: Bankers Life Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips
It’s finally time to start the Road to Wrestlemania with the first of four Smackdowns left to go. Tonight’s show is supposed to feature a Shane McMahon announcement about the pay per view, but given the way this company can’t seem to remember to deliver what they advertise, it could be something else entirely. Let’s get to it.
Here’s AJ Styles to talk about retaining the Smackdown World Title Sunday night. He was in trouble after John Cena put him through the announcers’ table on Sunday. How could he beat the other five superstars when anything goes? It was unbelievable, but not impossible. He found a way and is still WWE Champion. A few years ago, the idea of AJ Styles coming to WWE was unbelievable, just like him being WWE Champion or going to Wrestlemania. Unbelievable, but not impossible.
The fans give him the YOU DESERVE IT chant but AJ says he earned it. Now he’s got the biggest challenge of his title reign at Wrestlemania. AJ may be the everyman outside the ring, but when he steps inside the ring, he is phenomenal. Cue Shinsuke Nakamura to say everyone loves him too. He respects AJ but dreams come true at Wrestlemania. His dream: a knee to AJ’s face and becoming champion. This brings out Rusev of all people and we take a break.
Rusev vs. AJ Styles
Non-title. Rusev throws him into the corner to start so AJ goes after the leg, which Nakamura banged up on Sunday. A right hand rocks Styles though as the power game is working well for Rusev so far. AJ is right back with a dropkick to the floor and the slingshot forearm puts Rusev in trouble. Rusev throws him down again and we take a break.
Back with AJ pulling Rusev off the ropes to send him face first into the turnbuckle. The strikes have Rusev in trouble but AJ can’t hit the fireman’s carry backbreaker. Instead it’s the Machka Kick for two but AJ scores with the Pele. Now the backbreaker works but AJ bangs up his own knee. Rusev can’t get the Accolade so it’s the Calf Crusher instead, drawing Aiden English in for the DQ at 11:18.
Nakamura takes his time but makes the save.
We see the Bludgeon Brothers attacking the Usos and the New Day.
Big E. wishes he could say the New Day won the titles and were spending tonight filling Corey Graves’ car with pancakes. That’s not the case though, because his friends are both injured. Jimmy Uso comes in and says they’re taking care of the Bludgeon Brothers tonight.
Kid Rock Hall of Fame video.
Styles tells Nakamura that he didn’t need the help. Nakamura disagrees and will be there to help Styles until Wrestlemania.
Jimmy Uso/Big E. vs. Bludgeon Brothers
The makeshift team jumps the Brothers in the aisle and grab a pair of chairs. The Brothers grab the hammers to knock the chairs away and we take a break before the bell. Back from a break with the opening bell and Harper plants Big E. with a Boss Man Slam. Big E. slips over and makes the hot tag to Jimmy so things can speed up. Harper gets rocked with uppercuts and superkicks but Jimmy goes after Rowan. The distraction is enough for Harper to kick Jimmy in the face and a double powerbomb ends Jimmy at 2:34. This was exactly what it needed to be.
The Brothers keep up the destruction after the match.
We look at Shane McMahon costing Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens the title at Fastlane.
Sami says he’s known Owens for years but then he played him like a fiddle on Sunday. It was only because of Shane that he didn’t become champion and Sami will never pay the price again.
Here’s Charlotte to call out Asuka for a face to face meeting. Charlotte welcomes her to Smackdown and thinks she (as in Charlotte) should have been careful what she wished for. She’s been defending the title around the world and no, she’s never faced anyone like Asuka. The thing is though, Asuka has never faced anyone like Charlotte. WOO! Asuka says she picked Charlotte because she likes a challenge. Charlotte is a queen but Asuka is an empress. She bows to no one because no one is ready for Asuka. And….that’s it. Kind of an abrupt finish but this was good stuff to help set up the big match.
New US Champion Randy Orton comes out for a chat. He’s been called a lot of things, but for the first time ever he’s the United States Champion. Orton praises Bobby Roode as a tough competitor but he’s taking this title to Wrestlemania. This brings out Roode to say he’ll be having his rematch at Wrestlemania. Cue Jinder Mahal to also congratulate Orton on his title win. He’ll beat Roode just like he did to Orton last week.
Bobby Roode vs. Jinder Mahal
The very early threat of a Glorious DDT sends Mahal outside and we take an early break. Back with Roode slugging away and hitting a running forearm. A neckbreaker puts Mahal down and a top rope clothesline does it again. Roode gets two off the Blockbuster but walks into a superkick for the same. Sunil Singh offers a distraction and Roode gets crotched, setting up the Khallas to pin Roode at 6:26.
Post match Orton gives Mahal the RKO.
Owens rants about how he was screwed over on Sunday because Sami knows he can’t beat him otherwise.
Fabulous Moolah battle royal video. They’re going to have some real issues defending Moolah in the coming weeks.
Carmella vs. Naomi
Before the match, Carmella enters the battle royal and teases cashing in the briefcase at Wrestlemania. Naomi throws her into the corner to start but gets taken down so Carmella can stand on the hair. The hair is pulled around the ropes so Naomi comes up slapping hard. A kick to the face sends Carmella down but she breaks up some kind of a springboard. Carmella pulls her down by the hair and grabs a rollup for the pin at 2:54. This wasn’t very good but at least Carmella gets some momentum.
Here’s Shane for his big announcement. He recaps the entire story between himself, Owens and Zayn before saying that he’s taking a leave of absence as Commissioner. Before he goes though, Shane makes Owens vs. Zayn for Wrestlemania. This brings out Owens with his head shaking. Before he can say much though, here’s Sami to interrupt. Sami doesn’t like Shane listening to the fans but doesn’t seem pleased that Shane is leaving.
Shane doesn’t understand this as he just gave them what they wanted. Owens does appreciate it, but thinks Shane will appreciate this too. The double beatdown is on and Owens hits a Pop Up Powerbomb and it’s time for a chair. They wrap it around Shane’s neck and ram it into the post before dragging him to the back. Shane gets powerbombed onto a big metal box and sounds like he can barely breathe. A stretcher is brought in to end the show. I’m sure Shane will be perfectly fine enough for Bryan to add him to the match and make it a triple threat.
Results
AJ Styles b. Rusev via DQ when Aiden English interfered
Bludgeon Brothers b. Jimmy Uso/Big E. – Double powerbomb to Uso
Jinder Mahal b. Bobby Roode – Khallas
Carmella b. Naomi – Rollup
Wednesday
NXT
Date: March 14, 2018
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, Percy Watson, Nigel McGuinness
It’s another big night as we have four weeks left before Takeover: New Orleans. That means knocking out more matches in the Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic, but on top of that we have some build towards a title match. This week NXT Champion Andrade Cien Almas and Aleister Black will sign the contract for Takeover: New Orleans which could be interesting. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic First Round: Sanity vs. Riddick Moss/Tino Sabbatelli
Sabbatelli and Moss seem to be having some issues coming into the match. Moss knees Wolfe in the ribs to start and hits a release Hot Shot to really take over. It’s off to Sabbatelli and the fans aren’t exactly thrilled to see him. A good looking dropkick (Mauro: “That dropkick certainly didn’t suck!”
keeps Wolfe in trouble and Tito begrudgingly brings Moss back in.
Some stomps in the corner look to set up a running forearm but Moss hits Sabbatelli by mistake (telegraphed by a mile and still exactly the right move) and it’s off to Young. House is quickly cleaned and Young gets two off the top rope elbow. Moss pulls Young to the floor but Nikki Cross dives off the apron with a crossbody. The belly to back suplex into a neckbreaker is enough to pin Sabbatelli at 3:45.
Here’s Tommaso Ciampa with another microphone but again, the Johnny Gargano signs and chants leave him unable to speak. The fans send him off with the Goodbye Song.
Dakota Kai vs. Lacey Evans
Dakota has a taped up shoulder. Evans goes right for the arm by taking her down and dropping a knee, followed by an armbar. Not that it matters as Kai rolls her up for a very fast pin at 55 seconds.
Post match here’s Shayna Baszler to go after Kai but Ember Moon makes the save. The fight is on and Kai breaks up an armbar, allowing Moon to hit the Eclipse. They needed to do something like this as Moon hasn’t gotten to do much of anything since the title match.
Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic First Round: Heavy Machinery vs. Street Profits
Dozovic and Ford start things off with Ford getting run down by a shoulder. With the wrestling not working, Ford tries to offer him the cup. Otis seems to like it but clotheslines Ford’s head off instead. A double slam gets two on Ford and it’s off to Knight for a bearhug. Ford finally gets over for the hot tag to Dawkins. The big man starts firing away but Otis hits a heavy Thesz press. The Compactor is broken up though and Dawkins gets in a DDT. Ford adds the frog splash for the pin at 3:38.
United Kingdom Title: Pete Dunne vs. Adam Cole
Cole is challenging and we get the big match intros. Dunne has to go after the Undisputed Era before coming back in for a forearm to Cole. That means it’s time to crank on the fingers and the jumping stomp to the arm. Dunne takes him to the apron and stomps down on the arm again as this is completely one sided. An Undisputed Era distraction lets Cole tie him up on the ropes though and Dunne comes up holding his knee.
Back from a break with Dunne hitting an X Plex and winning a slugout as the knee seems fine. There’s an enziguri in the corner and a Batista Bomb gets two. The Bitter End is reversed into a Backstabber and they’re both down again. It’s off to the standing armbar but Cole comes right back with the Last Shot (a fireman’s carry backbreaker here rather than the brainbuster) for two.
Another slugout goes to Dunne, with one forearm knocking Cole from the middle of the ring into the corner. Dunne tries a moonsault out of the corner but Cole superkicks him out of the air (with Dunne upside down) for a very near fall. Dunne goes after the Era again and the distraction lets Cole hit the Last Shot (now the brainbuster version). That’s still not enough though as Dunne snaps the fingers and loads up the Bitter End, drawing in O’Reilly for the DQ at 11:57.
Post match the Era beats Dunne down until Roderick Strong makes the save. Strong gets taken down as well but Dunne gets up and helps chase them off.
General Manager William Regal is here for the contract signing between Andrade Cien Almas and Aleister Black. Aleister comes out but there’s no Almas with Zelina Vega taking his place. Vega moves the table and we have a staredown but Almas has a seat in front of her. Black: “Well at least now we’re on the same level.” Vega promises to make him reap what he sows and gives him a slap. Black signs the contract and says he didn’t come alone. Cue Candice LeRae to go after Vega. Candice knocks her onto the announcers’ table and lays Vega out with a bulldog to end the show.
Results
Sanity b. Tino Sabbatelli/Riddick Moss – Belly to back suplex/neckbreaker combination to Sabbatelli
Dakota Kai b. Lacey Evans – Rollup
Street Profits b. Heavy Machinery – Frog splash to Dozovic
Pete Dunne b. Adam Cole via DQ when Kyle O’Reilly interfered
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 15, 2018
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Sonjay Dutt
Things are entering a new phase here as we’re done with Crossroads, meaning it’s time to get ready for the next big show. While that hasn’t been announced yet, there is at least a hint of the upcoming World Title feud with Alberto El Patron staring down Austin Aries last week. Let’s get to it.
Jeremy Borash (flashback time) is with everyone involved in Feast or Fired. The point of this: they’re all in Feast or Fired.
Recap of Crossroads. That really was a good show.
Opening sequence.
Sami Callihan vs. Fallah Bahh
Sami bounces off the huge Bahh and gets knocked into the corner by the power of the belly. The third knockdown has Sami bailing to the floor for a meeting with OVE. Their advice: shout a lot. Back in and Bahh takes him down to put a toe in Sami’s mouth. What’s the massive appeal of this guy again? Granted that could be said of Sami as well.
Callihan finally pulls him down by the head for a breather and some stomping keeps Bahh down for all of two seconds. A belly to belly plants Sami for two as the announcers plug the WrestleCon show. The Samoan drop connects but Sami is back up with a low blow and a Death Valley Driver (not bad) ends Bahh at 5:48.
Post match OVE loads up the chair and the bat on Bahh but Eddie Edwards runs in for the save with a pipe.
Matt Sydal is ready to unveil his spirit guide.
The hosts talk about the big stories with Josh dressing a little beneath the professional standard.
Classic Moment: Feast or Fired 2008.
Austin Aries has a sitdown interview and talks about having a pretty cool month. He plugs his new book and being vegan but here’s Alberto who needs to talk to Aries right now. Alberto welcomes him to the promotion (or back to it) before shifting to never losing the World Title. He brings in some wine and what looks like a steak but Aries will stick with the banana.
Alberto is offended and Aries tells him to chew with his mouth closed. They have a chew off until Aries stands up and Alberto backs off. He even hands Alberto a free book because he’s making a champion’s money now. Aries: “You remember what that feels like?” Alberto leaves and Aries has some wine.
Kiera Hogan comes up to congratulate Allie on her win and giggling ensues. Braxton Sutter comes in and wants to talk to Allie but she isn’t interested.
Here are Kongo Kong and Jimmy Jacobs for a chat. Jimmy says he loves to hear himself talk because words have power. If you think he and Kong have done a lot to get Abyss back, you haven’t seen anything yet. Cue James Mitchell of all people, who says that he sees a lot of himself in Jacobs. They’re both evil geniuses and Kong is an impressive monster, though James has one of his own. He sold his soul to make Abyss World Champion but eventually the note came due.
Abyss was pushed so far that his personality split into Joseph Park. Mitchell doesn’t like what he’s been seeing done to the Park family (Wait, is Park a real person or a made up personality? How can he have family if the personality isn’t real?) but Jacobs doesn’t want to hear the lecture. Actually, James is here to thank him for bringing the monster back. Cue Abyss and the brawl is on with Kong being knocked to the floor. Next week: Monster’s Ball. Nice segment, but the idea of where Kong is going after the feud with Abyss scares me.
Video on Taya Valkyrie vs. Rosemary and their fight to be the queen of the Knockouts. Of course this is different than being Knockouts Champion but that goes without saying.
Rosemary vs. Taya Valkyrie
Rosemary wastes no time with a spear and right hands to send Taya outside. That’s fine with Rosemary who spears her off the apron and hits a high crossbody back inside. A charge hits post though and Taya kicks her hard in the ribs to take over. Rosemary snaps back up with a German suplex before biting Taya’s leg.
That earns her a double stomp though and Taya rams the painted face into the corner. Taya makes fun of the ROSEMARY chants and hits a hard faceplant. The Road to Valhalla is broken up but a curb stomp knocks Rosemary silly. A moonsault misses though and Rosemary hits a Cactus Clothesline to send them both outside. They keep slugging it out and that’s a double countout at 7:33.
Post match Taya gives her another Road to Valhalla on the stage.
An anxious Eli Drake is on the phone and Chris Adonis (never shown) isn’t going to be here tonight. Drake fires him from whatever official role he had. I’m actually surprised that they’re acknowledging Adonis walking out on the company and it’s very nice for a change of pace. All it took was a thirty second segment and Adonis is wrapped up for good.
Ethan Carter III talks about it being his destiny to get the right briefcase and become World Heavyweight Champion again.
Aries vs. El Patron is confirmed for the Redemption pay per view on April 22.
Next week: Allie defends the Knockouts Title against Sienna and Monster’s Ball.
Earlier today, Brian Cage was in the empty Impact Zone when Bobby Lashley came in. Lashley didn’t need the help but if Cage wants a fight, all he has to do is ask. Cage walks away.
LAX is watching Feast or Fired to find out who is up next.
Here’s Matt Sydal to announce his spiritual guide: Josh Matthews. Dutt loses his mind as Josh comes to the ring to talk about how he’s enlightened. He’s spent months trying to enlighten the fans and now wants us to put our hands together and center ourselves. Josh presents him with something like a cat mask, which Sydal calls his spirit animal. Matt says if he’s a champion, so is Josh, and he hands him the Grand Championship. Dutt: “That’s it I quit.” I like the idea of Josh as a heel but….this is a bit out there no?
Feast or Fired
Eli Drake, Tyrus, Petey Williams, KM, Moose, Caleb Konley, Trevor Lee, Ethan Carter III, Rohit Raju, Taiji Ishimori
Dutt is now on commentary by himself. There’s a briefcase above each corner with three title shots (World, X-Division and Tag Team) plus a pink slip. Four people will get cases and the rest get nothing. It’s a brawl to start (as it will likely be all match) until we’re down to Drake and Moose alone in the ring. That’s a bit too much in the ring though as they fight outside, only to be replaced by Raju and Ishimori.
Petey comes back in with some dropkicks as this is firmly in the revolving door period. The Cult of Lee comes in and beats the X-Division guys down for a bit but are dropkicked outside as well. Naturally Ishimori dives onto the floor instead of going up, leaving Petey to hit a Canadian Destroyer on Lee. Petey gets Case #2 and we take a break. Back with Dutt telling us no one got a case during the break (thank you) and Moose cleaning house.
Carter cuts him off with an elbow but Moose makes a save and gets Case #4. Josh rejoins commentary as Ishimori takes his shirt off. The Cult of Lee gets beaten down by Raju but here’s the angry Tyrus to start tossing the suplexes. Carter cuts him off with a low blow though and Case #3 is collected. He even knocks Tyrus silly with a case shot for good measure. Ishimori is alone on top but decides to crossbody Drake instead. A few Gravy Trains and a run up the ropes for a release German superplex allow Drake to pull down Case #1 at 17:50.
Results
Sami Callihan b. Fallah Bahh – Death Valley Driver
Rosemary vs. Taya Valkyrie went to a double countout
Petey Williams, Moose, Ethan Carter III and Eli Drake won Feast or Fired
Friday
Nothing.
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Nothing.
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
Sasha Banks b. Sonya Deville – Bank Statement
Finn Balor b. Seth Rollins – Small package
Asuka b. Mickie James – Asuka Lock
Nia Jax b. Joan King – Samoan drop
Braun Strowman won a tag team battle royal last eliminating Karl Anderson
Smackdown
AJ Styles b. Rusev via DQ when Aiden English interfered
Bludgeon Brothers b. Jimmy Uso/Big E. – Double powerbomb to Uso
Jinder Mahal b. Bobby Roode – Khallas
Carmella b. Naomi – Rollup
NXT
Sanity b. Tino Sabbatelli/Riddick Moss – Belly to back suplex/neckbreaker combination to Sabbatelli
Dakota Kai b. Lacey Evans – Rollup
Street Profits b. Heavy Machinery – Frog splash to Dozovic
Pete Dunne b. Adam Cole via DQ when Kyle O’Reilly interfered
Impact Wrestling
Sami Callihan b. Fallah Bahh – Death Valley Driver
Rosemary vs. Taya Valkyrie went to a double countout
Petey Williams, Moose, Ethan Carter III and Eli Drake won Feast or Fired
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 12, 2018
Location: Little Caesars Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman
We’re FINALLY away from all other pay per views and that means it’s time to get on with the real Wrestlemania build. Tonight is scheduled to featured Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar going face to face but that was the case two weeks ago as well. I can’t shake the feeling that WWE is going to manage to screw this one up. Let’s get to it.
Here’s Kurt Angle to open things up. He’s looking forward to competing at Wrestlemania where he and his partner are going to give HHH and Stephanie McMahon the beatings of their life. That takes us to the Universal Title match...and Brock Lesnar isn’t here tonight because of something ranging from transportation issues to not feeling well to just not showing up.
Cue Roman Reigns to say what just happened was Brock didn’t show up for work today. For anyone else, there would be a fine, a suspension, or being fired, but that’s not happening to Vince’s boy. Reigns says if Angle didn’t show up, he’d be fired and not be able to feed his kids. Reigns passed Vince McMahon in the back and Vince didn’t have the courtesy to apologize. Roman isn’t going to have Vince disrespect him so he leaves the ring and goes to the gorilla position, where Vince and Shane are producing the show. Vince gets up and says they’ll talk in his office.
Reigns leaves Vince’s office and has nothing to say. Vince comes out a second later and says he had to tell Reigns to know his role and shut his mouth. Brock has certain privileges and may not like anyone but he respects competition. Vince says Brock will be at Wrestlemania and will defend his title but he also promises that Brock will be here next week. As for Reigns, he’s been temporarily suspended.
Sasha Banks vs. Sonya Deville
Bayley and the rest of Absolution are at ringside. Sasha gets two off an early sunset flip and sends Sonya outside as we take an early break. Back with Sasha getting kicked in the ribs and caught in a bodyscissors. Sasha fights up again and knees Sonya out of the corner. The middle rope knees get two and Bayley cutting off Absolution sets up the Bank Statement to make Sonya tap at 7:39.
Bayley leaves and Absolution beats Sasha down with no one to stop them.
Kid Rock Hall of Fame announcement.
It’s time for MizTV. Miz talks about being forced to defend his title against two opponents at Wrestlemania and those challengers are his guests tonight: Seth Rollins and Finn Balor. Miz immediately tries to play them against each other, saying that Balor is getting in the way of what could have been a great singles match. Rollins knows what’s going on so Miz says Balor is the man in bingo halls. He was the first ever Universal Champion and beat Rollins to do it.
Miz tries the same thing he tried with Rollins but Balor sees through it as well. Rollins says they don’t need to get fired up because it’s Wrestlemania and the Intercontinental Title. They get back to the Universal Title match though and Balor says he beat Seth with one arm. They’re ready to fight now and Miz is all for this, only to be clotheslined to the floor. Rollins gets in a right hand to Balor though and Miz is very pleased. More angle advancement and that’s fine.
The Bar vs. Miztourage
Non-title. The Miztourage jumps the champs before the bell and there’s no match as the Revival comes in to jump the Bar as well. Anderson and Gallows run out as well and PLEASE tell me this isn’t setting up a freaking ladder match. Titus Worldwide and Heath Slater/Rhyno join in too. The Bar slips out and bails as there was no match of course.
Here’s John Cena to address his loss last night. Cena has found his path to Wrestlemania and some people might not like that. He’s tried as hard as he can but he’s lost every chance. The fans chant for Undertaker and Cena says he hopes the people backstage are listening. He won’t be contributing to Wrestlemania this year (I’m guessing he misspoke when he said he had found his path.).
That doesn’t mean that he’s quitting or walking away because he’ll be there on the same road to Wrestlemania as the fans. He’s going as a fan this year and he’ll be having a blast. Cena may be sitting next to us and goes into the crowd to steal a sip of beer. He starts a THIS IS AWESOME chant before switching to a LET’S GO ROMAN which doesn’t work so well.
Back in the ring, Cena says we need to get one chant out of our system: LET’S GO CENA! You know what comes from there and Cena says the only way that’s going to happen is if he does something he’s not supposed to do. Actually, what does he have to lose if he does it? Cena: “Well screw it. I challenge the Undertaker to a match at Wrestlemania.” He’s been told that’s impossible but he doesn’t quite get why.
Cena says the challenge a few more times and since his mic is still working, it’s clearly not WWE that doesn’t want it to happen. That leaves just Undertaker, who needs to, and I quote, get over his own ego. Undertaker is hiding behind his loss and needs to take his head out of the sand. He’s not too old and he’s not broken down. If he was, he wouldn’t be posting workout videos on his wife’s Instagram. Undertaker is hiding and needs to come try and Tombstone Cena in front of 75,000 people. If Cena was Undertaker, he’d want one more match.
So, to recap, this match is going to have, at most, three weeks of official build (assuming Undertaker doesn’t Tweet a response) because we needed Cena in a six way match at Fastlane. I don’t want to see this match and while it could have a good feeling to it, I would really just prefer that Undertaker goes away after last year’s great moment. The Cena vs. Undertaker match could have been awesome, but unless that hip surgery completely changed Undertaker, last year was a really bad sign.
The Bar is in Angle’s office saying they wanted competition, not to be jumped from behind. They don’t feel safe around here and since they’ve heard rumors of a Superstar Shakeup, they want to go to Smackdown right now. Maybe they could fight the Bludgeon Brothers, New Day or the Usos. Champions vs. champions sounds good to Sheamus. Angle won’t trade them but tonight we’ll find out who the challengers are in a tag team battle royal later tonight. That’s all well and good, as long as a ladder isn’t involved.
We recap last week’s Symphony of Destruction match with Elias having a piano dropped on top of him.
Here’s Elias in a neck brace but still ready to perform because he’s a professional. Elias says this is all our fault and walks away.
Braun Strowman says he dropped a piano on Elias last week. Elias should be grateful that he never made music on an anvil. Braun doesn’t have a Wrestlemania match so tonight he’s making his own path of destruction. I mean, Cena is available at the moment.
Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor
They fight over the arm to start (there’s a bingo space) until Rollins takes over with an elbow and chop. A pair of dropkicks puts Rollins on the floor and there’s a running apron kick to take us to a break. Back with Rollins grabbing a chinlock until Balor fights up and hits a Sling Blade.
1916 and the ripcord knee are both blocked so they trade kicks to the head. They trade kicks to the head with Rollins’ getting two. Rollins charges into another kick to the head but it’s too early for the Coup de Grace. Instead Rollins tries the superplex into the Falcon Arrow, only to have Balor cradle him in a small package for the pin at 14:14.
Video on the Fabulous Moolah, including an announcement of the Fabulous Moolah Battle Royal at Wrestlemania.
Here’s Asuka to address challenging Charlotte last night. After we see the clip, Alexa Bliss and Mickie James cut her off in short order. Alexa can outsmart anyone and she congratulates Asuka on choosing the champion of the B show. Asuka says she chose Charlotte because to be the woman, you have to beat the woman. Bliss thinks that must be a language issue so Asuka wants to beat Alexa right now. Alexa says no because Asuka is getting someone who has unfinished business with her. She tries to bring someone out (presumably Nia) but Mickie jumps Asuka instead.
Mickie James vs. Asuka
Joined in progress with Mickie in control until Asuka kicks her down without much effort. Mickie tries to bail and gets posted for her efforts but Asuka kicks the post by mistake. Asuka barely beats the count back in but the MickieDT is countered and Asuka kicks her in the head with the bad leg. The backfists to the head rock Mickie and there’s the hip attack in the corner. Mickie is smart enough to go back to the leg and there’s a flapjack for good measure. For some reason Mickie goes up top and scores with a heck of a sunset bomb for two. The Mick Kick misses though and the Asuka Lock is good for the submission at 6:31.
Graves explains the Great War to Cole and Coachman and the confused looks are perfect.
Alexa comes in to see Nia and asks where she was. Kurt told her not to come out because she has a match next but that’s not enough for Alexa. Nia doesn’t seem happy with Alexa over what she said last week but Alexa gets all serious and says she loves Nia as her best friend. The love is returned but it’s time for some tough love: Nia needs to be in her corner next week. That’s cool with Nia so everything is fine.
Women’s History Month in Indira Gandhi.
Nia Jax vs. Joan King
Samoan drop in 46 seconds.
Alexa and Mickie are in the back and annoyed over the loss to Asuka. Mickie brings up what Alexa said to Nia last week and Alexa says it was the truth and could have been a lot worse. James thought it was hilarious when Alexa said everyone looks at Nia in the airport. Alexa: “It’s like Shrek going through the TSA.” They keep mocking Nia’s size and intelligence as Nia is near tears. Apparently Charly Caruso is late for an interview but she comes in and says the microphone has been on the entire time. Panic ensues and Nia is storming to the back. Alexa and Mickie leave in a rush and Nia is here a few seconds later to break a lot of stuff.
We get a preview of the Ultimate Deletion, which will take place at the Hardy Compound. The Great War has gone on throughout history and will come to its completion. We actually see Rebecca, Maxel, Wolfgang (Matt’s other son), Senor Benjamin and Vanguard 1. They will vanquish Sister Abigail from Bray Wyatt into the Lake of Reincarnation. The lake could be amazing in WWE’s hands.
Bray says Matt is a liar and a fool but above all else, Matt is just a man. When the devil is standing on your doorstep, never let him in. Bray accepts the invitation and threatens Matt’s family.
Kurt knew Bray was nuts but wants to know what happened to Matt. A referee comes in and Kurt assigns him to Ultimate Deletion next week. Referee: “Did I do something wrong?”
We recap the opening sequence and Reigns’ suspension.
Next week: Asuka vs. Alexa Bliss and Ultimate Deletion.
Tag Team Battle Royal
Heath Slater/Rhyno, Titus Worldwide, Revival, Anderson and Gallows, Miztourage
The winners get the Wrestlemania title shot against the Bar, who are on commentary here. Hang on a second though as here’s Strowman with no partner. He demands that the bell ring and the referee isn’t about to say no. Apollo (with Cole saying Crews) is eliminated and, after a quick chase, Slater is tossed as well. Everyone stares Strowman down and the big beatdown is on but Revival gets smart by eliminating Rhyno.
Titus punches both of them but Strowman throws everyone away and is left alone after everyone went underneath the ropes. It’s Titus going back in to face off with Strowman on his own...and then changing his mind. Back with everyone going after Strowman and a kick to the face putting him through the ropes. A shot with the steps drops Strowman but he’s just in the timekeeper’s area. O’Neil kicks Anderson out of the air and Dawson takes the Clash of the Titus.
The Revival is eliminated and it’s hard to tell how many people are left. Strowman comes back in and gets rid of Titus and Gallows. A powerslam each takes out the Miztourage and we’re down to Strowman and Anderson. A dropkick to Strowman’s knee slows him down and some low superkicks keep him in trouble. The third kick is shoved away though and, with a shout of I’M GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA, Strowman tosses him out to win at 11:02.
The announcers aren’t sure if this is legal to end the show.
Results
Sasha Banks b. Sonya Deville – Bank Statement
Finn Balor b. Seth Rollins – Small package
Asuka b. Mickie James – Asuka Lock
Nia Jax b. Joan King – Samoan drop
Braun Strowman won a tag team battle royal last eliminating Karl Anderson
Tuesday
Smackdown
Date: March 13, 2018
Location: Bankers Life Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips
It’s finally time to start the Road to Wrestlemania with the first of four Smackdowns left to go. Tonight’s show is supposed to feature a Shane McMahon announcement about the pay per view, but given the way this company can’t seem to remember to deliver what they advertise, it could be something else entirely. Let’s get to it.
Here’s AJ Styles to talk about retaining the Smackdown World Title Sunday night. He was in trouble after John Cena put him through the announcers’ table on Sunday. How could he beat the other five superstars when anything goes? It was unbelievable, but not impossible. He found a way and is still WWE Champion. A few years ago, the idea of AJ Styles coming to WWE was unbelievable, just like him being WWE Champion or going to Wrestlemania. Unbelievable, but not impossible.
The fans give him the YOU DESERVE IT chant but AJ says he earned it. Now he’s got the biggest challenge of his title reign at Wrestlemania. AJ may be the everyman outside the ring, but when he steps inside the ring, he is phenomenal. Cue Shinsuke Nakamura to say everyone loves him too. He respects AJ but dreams come true at Wrestlemania. His dream: a knee to AJ’s face and becoming champion. This brings out Rusev of all people and we take a break.
Rusev vs. AJ Styles
Non-title. Rusev throws him into the corner to start so AJ goes after the leg, which Nakamura banged up on Sunday. A right hand rocks Styles though as the power game is working well for Rusev so far. AJ is right back with a dropkick to the floor and the slingshot forearm puts Rusev in trouble. Rusev throws him down again and we take a break.
Back with AJ pulling Rusev off the ropes to send him face first into the turnbuckle. The strikes have Rusev in trouble but AJ can’t hit the fireman’s carry backbreaker. Instead it’s the Machka Kick for two but AJ scores with the Pele. Now the backbreaker works but AJ bangs up his own knee. Rusev can’t get the Accolade so it’s the Calf Crusher instead, drawing Aiden English in for the DQ at 11:18.
Nakamura takes his time but makes the save.
We see the Bludgeon Brothers attacking the Usos and the New Day.
Big E. wishes he could say the New Day won the titles and were spending tonight filling Corey Graves’ car with pancakes. That’s not the case though, because his friends are both injured. Jimmy Uso comes in and says they’re taking care of the Bludgeon Brothers tonight.
Kid Rock Hall of Fame video.
Styles tells Nakamura that he didn’t need the help. Nakamura disagrees and will be there to help Styles until Wrestlemania.
Jimmy Uso/Big E. vs. Bludgeon Brothers
The makeshift team jumps the Brothers in the aisle and grab a pair of chairs. The Brothers grab the hammers to knock the chairs away and we take a break before the bell. Back from a break with the opening bell and Harper plants Big E. with a Boss Man Slam. Big E. slips over and makes the hot tag to Jimmy so things can speed up. Harper gets rocked with uppercuts and superkicks but Jimmy goes after Rowan. The distraction is enough for Harper to kick Jimmy in the face and a double powerbomb ends Jimmy at 2:34. This was exactly what it needed to be.
The Brothers keep up the destruction after the match.
We look at Shane McMahon costing Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens the title at Fastlane.
Sami says he’s known Owens for years but then he played him like a fiddle on Sunday. It was only because of Shane that he didn’t become champion and Sami will never pay the price again.
Here’s Charlotte to call out Asuka for a face to face meeting. Charlotte welcomes her to Smackdown and thinks she (as in Charlotte) should have been careful what she wished for. She’s been defending the title around the world and no, she’s never faced anyone like Asuka. The thing is though, Asuka has never faced anyone like Charlotte. WOO! Asuka says she picked Charlotte because she likes a challenge. Charlotte is a queen but Asuka is an empress. She bows to no one because no one is ready for Asuka. And….that’s it. Kind of an abrupt finish but this was good stuff to help set up the big match.
New US Champion Randy Orton comes out for a chat. He’s been called a lot of things, but for the first time ever he’s the United States Champion. Orton praises Bobby Roode as a tough competitor but he’s taking this title to Wrestlemania. This brings out Roode to say he’ll be having his rematch at Wrestlemania. Cue Jinder Mahal to also congratulate Orton on his title win. He’ll beat Roode just like he did to Orton last week.
Bobby Roode vs. Jinder Mahal
The very early threat of a Glorious DDT sends Mahal outside and we take an early break. Back with Roode slugging away and hitting a running forearm. A neckbreaker puts Mahal down and a top rope clothesline does it again. Roode gets two off the Blockbuster but walks into a superkick for the same. Sunil Singh offers a distraction and Roode gets crotched, setting up the Khallas to pin Roode at 6:26.
Post match Orton gives Mahal the RKO.
Owens rants about how he was screwed over on Sunday because Sami knows he can’t beat him otherwise.
Fabulous Moolah battle royal video. They’re going to have some real issues defending Moolah in the coming weeks.
Carmella vs. Naomi
Before the match, Carmella enters the battle royal and teases cashing in the briefcase at Wrestlemania. Naomi throws her into the corner to start but gets taken down so Carmella can stand on the hair. The hair is pulled around the ropes so Naomi comes up slapping hard. A kick to the face sends Carmella down but she breaks up some kind of a springboard. Carmella pulls her down by the hair and grabs a rollup for the pin at 2:54. This wasn’t very good but at least Carmella gets some momentum.
Here’s Shane for his big announcement. He recaps the entire story between himself, Owens and Zayn before saying that he’s taking a leave of absence as Commissioner. Before he goes though, Shane makes Owens vs. Zayn for Wrestlemania. This brings out Owens with his head shaking. Before he can say much though, here’s Sami to interrupt. Sami doesn’t like Shane listening to the fans but doesn’t seem pleased that Shane is leaving.
Shane doesn’t understand this as he just gave them what they wanted. Owens does appreciate it, but thinks Shane will appreciate this too. The double beatdown is on and Owens hits a Pop Up Powerbomb and it’s time for a chair. They wrap it around Shane’s neck and ram it into the post before dragging him to the back. Shane gets powerbombed onto a big metal box and sounds like he can barely breathe. A stretcher is brought in to end the show. I’m sure Shane will be perfectly fine enough for Bryan to add him to the match and make it a triple threat.
Results
AJ Styles b. Rusev via DQ when Aiden English interfered
Bludgeon Brothers b. Jimmy Uso/Big E. – Double powerbomb to Uso
Jinder Mahal b. Bobby Roode – Khallas
Carmella b. Naomi – Rollup
Wednesday
NXT
Date: March 14, 2018
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, Percy Watson, Nigel McGuinness
It’s another big night as we have four weeks left before Takeover: New Orleans. That means knocking out more matches in the Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic, but on top of that we have some build towards a title match. This week NXT Champion Andrade Cien Almas and Aleister Black will sign the contract for Takeover: New Orleans which could be interesting. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic First Round: Sanity vs. Riddick Moss/Tino Sabbatelli
Sabbatelli and Moss seem to be having some issues coming into the match. Moss knees Wolfe in the ribs to start and hits a release Hot Shot to really take over. It’s off to Sabbatelli and the fans aren’t exactly thrilled to see him. A good looking dropkick (Mauro: “That dropkick certainly didn’t suck!”
keeps Wolfe in trouble and Tito begrudgingly brings Moss back in.Some stomps in the corner look to set up a running forearm but Moss hits Sabbatelli by mistake (telegraphed by a mile and still exactly the right move) and it’s off to Young. House is quickly cleaned and Young gets two off the top rope elbow. Moss pulls Young to the floor but Nikki Cross dives off the apron with a crossbody. The belly to back suplex into a neckbreaker is enough to pin Sabbatelli at 3:45.
Here’s Tommaso Ciampa with another microphone but again, the Johnny Gargano signs and chants leave him unable to speak. The fans send him off with the Goodbye Song.
Dakota Kai vs. Lacey Evans
Dakota has a taped up shoulder. Evans goes right for the arm by taking her down and dropping a knee, followed by an armbar. Not that it matters as Kai rolls her up for a very fast pin at 55 seconds.
Post match here’s Shayna Baszler to go after Kai but Ember Moon makes the save. The fight is on and Kai breaks up an armbar, allowing Moon to hit the Eclipse. They needed to do something like this as Moon hasn’t gotten to do much of anything since the title match.
Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic First Round: Heavy Machinery vs. Street Profits
Dozovic and Ford start things off with Ford getting run down by a shoulder. With the wrestling not working, Ford tries to offer him the cup. Otis seems to like it but clotheslines Ford’s head off instead. A double slam gets two on Ford and it’s off to Knight for a bearhug. Ford finally gets over for the hot tag to Dawkins. The big man starts firing away but Otis hits a heavy Thesz press. The Compactor is broken up though and Dawkins gets in a DDT. Ford adds the frog splash for the pin at 3:38.
United Kingdom Title: Pete Dunne vs. Adam Cole
Cole is challenging and we get the big match intros. Dunne has to go after the Undisputed Era before coming back in for a forearm to Cole. That means it’s time to crank on the fingers and the jumping stomp to the arm. Dunne takes him to the apron and stomps down on the arm again as this is completely one sided. An Undisputed Era distraction lets Cole tie him up on the ropes though and Dunne comes up holding his knee.
Back from a break with Dunne hitting an X Plex and winning a slugout as the knee seems fine. There’s an enziguri in the corner and a Batista Bomb gets two. The Bitter End is reversed into a Backstabber and they’re both down again. It’s off to the standing armbar but Cole comes right back with the Last Shot (a fireman’s carry backbreaker here rather than the brainbuster) for two.
Another slugout goes to Dunne, with one forearm knocking Cole from the middle of the ring into the corner. Dunne tries a moonsault out of the corner but Cole superkicks him out of the air (with Dunne upside down) for a very near fall. Dunne goes after the Era again and the distraction lets Cole hit the Last Shot (now the brainbuster version). That’s still not enough though as Dunne snaps the fingers and loads up the Bitter End, drawing in O’Reilly for the DQ at 11:57.
Post match the Era beats Dunne down until Roderick Strong makes the save. Strong gets taken down as well but Dunne gets up and helps chase them off.
General Manager William Regal is here for the contract signing between Andrade Cien Almas and Aleister Black. Aleister comes out but there’s no Almas with Zelina Vega taking his place. Vega moves the table and we have a staredown but Almas has a seat in front of her. Black: “Well at least now we’re on the same level.” Vega promises to make him reap what he sows and gives him a slap. Black signs the contract and says he didn’t come alone. Cue Candice LeRae to go after Vega. Candice knocks her onto the announcers’ table and lays Vega out with a bulldog to end the show.
Results
Sanity b. Tino Sabbatelli/Riddick Moss – Belly to back suplex/neckbreaker combination to Sabbatelli
Dakota Kai b. Lacey Evans – Rollup
Street Profits b. Heavy Machinery – Frog splash to Dozovic
Pete Dunne b. Adam Cole via DQ when Kyle O’Reilly interfered
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 15, 2018
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Sonjay Dutt
Things are entering a new phase here as we’re done with Crossroads, meaning it’s time to get ready for the next big show. While that hasn’t been announced yet, there is at least a hint of the upcoming World Title feud with Alberto El Patron staring down Austin Aries last week. Let’s get to it.
Jeremy Borash (flashback time) is with everyone involved in Feast or Fired. The point of this: they’re all in Feast or Fired.
Recap of Crossroads. That really was a good show.
Opening sequence.
Sami Callihan vs. Fallah Bahh
Sami bounces off the huge Bahh and gets knocked into the corner by the power of the belly. The third knockdown has Sami bailing to the floor for a meeting with OVE. Their advice: shout a lot. Back in and Bahh takes him down to put a toe in Sami’s mouth. What’s the massive appeal of this guy again? Granted that could be said of Sami as well.
Callihan finally pulls him down by the head for a breather and some stomping keeps Bahh down for all of two seconds. A belly to belly plants Sami for two as the announcers plug the WrestleCon show. The Samoan drop connects but Sami is back up with a low blow and a Death Valley Driver (not bad) ends Bahh at 5:48.
Post match OVE loads up the chair and the bat on Bahh but Eddie Edwards runs in for the save with a pipe.
Matt Sydal is ready to unveil his spirit guide.
The hosts talk about the big stories with Josh dressing a little beneath the professional standard.
Classic Moment: Feast or Fired 2008.
Austin Aries has a sitdown interview and talks about having a pretty cool month. He plugs his new book and being vegan but here’s Alberto who needs to talk to Aries right now. Alberto welcomes him to the promotion (or back to it) before shifting to never losing the World Title. He brings in some wine and what looks like a steak but Aries will stick with the banana.
Alberto is offended and Aries tells him to chew with his mouth closed. They have a chew off until Aries stands up and Alberto backs off. He even hands Alberto a free book because he’s making a champion’s money now. Aries: “You remember what that feels like?” Alberto leaves and Aries has some wine.
Kiera Hogan comes up to congratulate Allie on her win and giggling ensues. Braxton Sutter comes in and wants to talk to Allie but she isn’t interested.
Here are Kongo Kong and Jimmy Jacobs for a chat. Jimmy says he loves to hear himself talk because words have power. If you think he and Kong have done a lot to get Abyss back, you haven’t seen anything yet. Cue James Mitchell of all people, who says that he sees a lot of himself in Jacobs. They’re both evil geniuses and Kong is an impressive monster, though James has one of his own. He sold his soul to make Abyss World Champion but eventually the note came due.
Abyss was pushed so far that his personality split into Joseph Park. Mitchell doesn’t like what he’s been seeing done to the Park family (Wait, is Park a real person or a made up personality? How can he have family if the personality isn’t real?) but Jacobs doesn’t want to hear the lecture. Actually, James is here to thank him for bringing the monster back. Cue Abyss and the brawl is on with Kong being knocked to the floor. Next week: Monster’s Ball. Nice segment, but the idea of where Kong is going after the feud with Abyss scares me.
Video on Taya Valkyrie vs. Rosemary and their fight to be the queen of the Knockouts. Of course this is different than being Knockouts Champion but that goes without saying.
Rosemary vs. Taya Valkyrie
Rosemary wastes no time with a spear and right hands to send Taya outside. That’s fine with Rosemary who spears her off the apron and hits a high crossbody back inside. A charge hits post though and Taya kicks her hard in the ribs to take over. Rosemary snaps back up with a German suplex before biting Taya’s leg.
That earns her a double stomp though and Taya rams the painted face into the corner. Taya makes fun of the ROSEMARY chants and hits a hard faceplant. The Road to Valhalla is broken up but a curb stomp knocks Rosemary silly. A moonsault misses though and Rosemary hits a Cactus Clothesline to send them both outside. They keep slugging it out and that’s a double countout at 7:33.
Post match Taya gives her another Road to Valhalla on the stage.
An anxious Eli Drake is on the phone and Chris Adonis (never shown) isn’t going to be here tonight. Drake fires him from whatever official role he had. I’m actually surprised that they’re acknowledging Adonis walking out on the company and it’s very nice for a change of pace. All it took was a thirty second segment and Adonis is wrapped up for good.
Ethan Carter III talks about it being his destiny to get the right briefcase and become World Heavyweight Champion again.
Aries vs. El Patron is confirmed for the Redemption pay per view on April 22.
Next week: Allie defends the Knockouts Title against Sienna and Monster’s Ball.
Earlier today, Brian Cage was in the empty Impact Zone when Bobby Lashley came in. Lashley didn’t need the help but if Cage wants a fight, all he has to do is ask. Cage walks away.
LAX is watching Feast or Fired to find out who is up next.
Here’s Matt Sydal to announce his spiritual guide: Josh Matthews. Dutt loses his mind as Josh comes to the ring to talk about how he’s enlightened. He’s spent months trying to enlighten the fans and now wants us to put our hands together and center ourselves. Josh presents him with something like a cat mask, which Sydal calls his spirit animal. Matt says if he’s a champion, so is Josh, and he hands him the Grand Championship. Dutt: “That’s it I quit.” I like the idea of Josh as a heel but….this is a bit out there no?
Feast or Fired
Eli Drake, Tyrus, Petey Williams, KM, Moose, Caleb Konley, Trevor Lee, Ethan Carter III, Rohit Raju, Taiji Ishimori
Dutt is now on commentary by himself. There’s a briefcase above each corner with three title shots (World, X-Division and Tag Team) plus a pink slip. Four people will get cases and the rest get nothing. It’s a brawl to start (as it will likely be all match) until we’re down to Drake and Moose alone in the ring. That’s a bit too much in the ring though as they fight outside, only to be replaced by Raju and Ishimori.
Petey comes back in with some dropkicks as this is firmly in the revolving door period. The Cult of Lee comes in and beats the X-Division guys down for a bit but are dropkicked outside as well. Naturally Ishimori dives onto the floor instead of going up, leaving Petey to hit a Canadian Destroyer on Lee. Petey gets Case #2 and we take a break. Back with Dutt telling us no one got a case during the break (thank you) and Moose cleaning house.
Carter cuts him off with an elbow but Moose makes a save and gets Case #4. Josh rejoins commentary as Ishimori takes his shirt off. The Cult of Lee gets beaten down by Raju but here’s the angry Tyrus to start tossing the suplexes. Carter cuts him off with a low blow though and Case #3 is collected. He even knocks Tyrus silly with a case shot for good measure. Ishimori is alone on top but decides to crossbody Drake instead. A few Gravy Trains and a run up the ropes for a release German superplex allow Drake to pull down Case #1 at 17:50.
Results
Sami Callihan b. Fallah Bahh – Death Valley Driver
Rosemary vs. Taya Valkyrie went to a double countout
Petey Williams, Moose, Ethan Carter III and Eli Drake won Feast or Fired
Friday
Nothing.
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Nothing.
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
Sasha Banks b. Sonya Deville – Bank Statement
Finn Balor b. Seth Rollins – Small package
Asuka b. Mickie James – Asuka Lock
Nia Jax b. Joan King – Samoan drop
Braun Strowman won a tag team battle royal last eliminating Karl Anderson
Smackdown
AJ Styles b. Rusev via DQ when Aiden English interfered
Bludgeon Brothers b. Jimmy Uso/Big E. – Double powerbomb to Uso
Jinder Mahal b. Bobby Roode – Khallas
Carmella b. Naomi – Rollup
NXT
Sanity b. Tino Sabbatelli/Riddick Moss – Belly to back suplex/neckbreaker combination to Sabbatelli
Dakota Kai b. Lacey Evans – Rollup
Street Profits b. Heavy Machinery – Frog splash to Dozovic
Pete Dunne b. Adam Cole via DQ when Kyle O’Reilly interfered
Impact Wrestling
Sami Callihan b. Fallah Bahh – Death Valley Driver
Rosemary vs. Taya Valkyrie went to a double countout
Petey Williams, Moose, Ethan Carter III and Eli Drake won Feast or Fired