Swinging

[HBK-aholic]

Swinging activities may include (but are not limited to):

Soft swinging: having sexual intercourse with a partner while two or more other people perform sex acts in the immediate vicinity.

Soft swap: having oral sex with someone other than one's partner. Often a type of swinging that new couples choose before eventually trying full swap, although many couples stay "soft swap" for personal or safety related reasons.[2]

Full swap: having penetrative sex with someone other than one's partner. Although this is the commonly understood definition of swinging, it is not necessarily the most common type.

Group sex: An all-inclusive term for activities involving multiple partners in the same vicinity.

Typically, swinging activities occur when a married or otherwise committed couple engages in sexual activity with another couple, multiple couples, or a single individual. These acts can occur in the same room (often called same room swinging) though different or separate room swinging does occur. On these occasions, swingers will often refer to sex as play and sex partners as playmates. Occasionally, one party of a couple will not be interested in joining the swinging lifestyle. This party is typically referred to as the "hold-out" while the other party is referred to as the "desirous party". Thus, the "desirous party" is the one party of a swinging couple who seeks to be in the lifestyle as opposed to the other party who does not.

Would you ever do this, either by yourself or with a partner? Personally, I'd never be able to see another girl near my boyfriend, unless she wanted her head ripping off, so that wouldn't work. But if it was me and him with people watching, I'd definately try it.

What do you think?

 

[Pimpin]

Hell no I wouldn't do this. For one I will always stay faithful to my girl no matter what & seeing as how I can't stand threesomes or having sex with multiple partners at the same time, I just don't really see why you would swap when you either got a girlfriend/boyfriend or porn magazines/videos.

 

[Phoenix]

I would say a stern no because of the attitude I have towards sex. And like Big Pimpin' I'd always remain faithful to the end, only people who aren't satisfied with their personal sex life would swing.

 

[Cena's Little Helper]

As long as both members of a couple go into swinging consensually, I don't see a problem with it. Personally, swinging is something that would never interest me (and I would never be interested in someone who would want to swing), whether it be of the soft or hard variety.

I'm pretty much amoral or, at the very least, morally relativistic, when it comes to sexual relations, but I can't but help getting a little perturbed at the idea of some people swinging without bringing someone else with them. More than likely, all single swingers are men and, if I was part of a swinging couple and a single swinger propositioned me and my significant other, I would angrily tell him to stop poaching the poonanny.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

I've sold more anal beads than most, it's safe to say that people who buy bulk they're having a party. I'll get back to you when I've seen attractive, toned people buying a basket full of sex toys. You should be able to find my answer somewhere in my reply.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Personally, I couldn't handle it. Regardless of the situation, be it involving someone I'm in a relationship with, or back when I was single and being propositioned as the odd man out to join. I just wouldn't feel right about it, any way you look at it.

Some people are happy in doing this, and it sparks their sex life as well as their relationship. On yet another personal note, I can't possibly see how it sparks a better, healthier relationship, considering you're more or less condoning adultery. Call me crazy, but I like good old fashioned relationships in which I (alone) could satisfy my female partner.. and vise versa. When the days comes either of those moments don't happen.. the relationship needs to be reconsidered and questioned on being over. End of discussion, really.

If you're looking for a more in-depth answer, I simply don't think I could give you one. Porno has always built up threesomes and Swinger parties as something sexy and fun. In reality, especially if it's a threesome, one of you is more than likely going to be the odd one out and it's gonna feel awkward. ESPECIALLY if it's your first couple of times, and you're watching someone you love.. get fucked.. by someone that isn't you. I couldn't possibly see how that's feasible, honestly.

 

[NSL]

Apparently, I'm the outcast of the bunch. I've taken part in soft-swinging, and soft-swap. While I've never gone to swingers parties, I've had my share of experimenting. Maybe I'm a little more OK with it, because it all just kind of happened, and wasn't a planned activity, or event.

As far as soft-swinging, I don't see the point in being against it. You're having sex with your own partner, in a room full of people having sex with their partners. It's basically voyeurism, mixed with exhibitionism. I was able to have my cake, and eat it to. My ex and I had all of the fun we normally had, but had the added pleasure of being watched, while watching other people.

As far as soft-swap, it only happened, because we were planning on full-swap. My ex, and my friend's girlfriend at the time, came up with the idea of full-swap, and never told us. Next thing I know, we were all hanging out and partying, and we're all naked. Then, it led to us all discussing the idea of swapping. We knew it would be best to take it step by step, so we did. That night, we all went our seperate ways, and went no further than "third base". We all became closer through it, and hung out a lot more, but within a week, my friend and his girlfriend had broken up over sometihng un-related. Apparently, he stole some money from her. So, it never went all the way. There wasn't anyone else we felt comfortable going all the way, so we didn't.

After that, I didn't have any relationships, until my current girlfriend, and the idea has come up in passing. If it happens down the line, great. If not, then that;s just as well too.

 

[FromTheSouth]

Yeah, I don't see anything wrong with it. When a relationship is new, the sex is usually the best part of the relationship, and you don't want to share that. As the relationship goes on, the little things become more important. Waking up next to your partner, or the way she keeps the place clean, or how she knows what you like to eat, these are the things that hold couples together.

Once you get to that point, the sex is less central in your relationship. The security of having your support mechanism so close to you is number one. At that point, a little swapping or a threesome becomes something else you can share. I don't have any problems with a little trade, as long as both partners are secure in the relationship and consent is given. Cheating is something different all together.

 

[Azrael Cain]

I think it's important to differentiate between an "open relationship," swinging and cheating. Participating in consensual with your partner while others watch isn't cheating. It's "kinda weird," but it isn't cheating. Having sex with someone else when your partner allows you to isn't cheating either.

Truth be told, I am an old fashioned believer (like many here also) about loving and being secure and faithful with one person, and yet I think that it all depends on the level of security the partners have (as many here have mentioned). The way I look at it is like this: we can be in an (I guess the proper labeling should be used) "open relationship" provided both my partner and I consent to it and provided my partner and I practice safe sex while with others, and still have it be meaningful and deep.

Being with other people consensually is "fine," and like fts says, cheating is something different all together. If I am going to be cheated on, dump me first, okay?

I don't know, though, if I would ever participate in a Swinger's Event personally (at least at this stage of my life). I don't know if I'd be comfortable with other people around me fucking. Though, then again, if everyone is so into what they're doing what does it matter?

Like with many things, I am of the opinion that if it floats the boat for someone, that's awesome. I suppose one can feel free to invite me to partake, just don't get offended if I say 'No,' you know? Who knows, maybe I'll reach a point in my life when I'll be able to "swing." I doubt it, from the personal knowledge I have of me, but one never fully knows.

And besides, humans are the only animals obsessed with this idea of one mate. Everyone else in nature has something on the side, so to speak. The more one fucks, the better the chance of survival of the species.

And yet, there's 7 Billion of us. Maybe monogamy is a good idea after all

 

[TheOneBigWill]

The one thing I can't grip my head around is the above 2-3 posts in which people are claiming that Swinging is alternative from Cheating. But, is it? Really? No.

Cheating is an event that happens when you're no longer interested or satisfied with your current sex life, with 'said' current Partner. Swinging is a fancy word for a term basically no better than "cheating orgy". At any one point and time, whether your Partner is there with you or not.. if you are fucking someone you are NOT in any type of committed relationship with, yet you are indeed IN 'said' committed relationship.. You're cheating. End of discussion on that.

Swinging might not be wrong through the eyes of several, but make no mistake.. fucking someone else, that isn't your Wife, Fiance, or Girlfriend.. even with their consent.. is still fucking someone else. (ie. cheating)

 

[The Dewbliners]

The one thing I can't grip my head around is the above 2-3 posts in which people are claiming that Swinging is alternative from Cheating. But, is it? Really? No.

Cheating is an event that happens when you're no longer interested or satisfied with your current sex life, with 'said' current Partner. Swinging is a fancy word for a term basically no better than "cheating orgy". At any one point and time, whether your Partner is there with you or not.. if you are fucking someone you are NOT in any type of committed relationship with, yet you are indeed IN 'said' committed relationship.. You're cheating. End of discussion on that.

Swinging might not be wrong through the eyes of several, but make no mistake.. fucking someone else, that isn't your Wife, Fiance, or Girlfriend.. even with their consent.. is still fucking someone else. (ie. cheating)

I agree. I just started my first serious relationship since reaching adulthood, and I can't Imagine sharing her with another guy. I also can't see having the desire to have "relations" with another woman, and consider myself 2 months into the relationship as monogomis(sp?), and can't see myself being active with another until we break up (if that happens.).

 

[NSL]

While you both may not agree with swinging as a lifestyle, and think that it's cheating, you need to remember that monogamy is still fairly new. It didn't start until almost 1900. Before then, it was common place to have multiple mistresses. As recently as 10 years ago, we had a President that was banging his secretary.

Yes, in those instances, it's cheating. But, it's not human nature to be with one person for life. We're here to pro-create, and love got in the way. I know of more relationships saved through swinging, than relationships that have been hurt by it.

Swinging is a mutual understanding, while cheating involves sneaking, and lying, and undermining the trust you have with your partner. Swinging is a pretty good display of trust.

 

[FromTheSouth]

I don't think swinging is cheating either. Just imagine that baseball suddenly gave permission to use steroids. Now the users aren't cheaters, they are following the rules. If my girlfriend says she wants another girl, then my copulation with her isn't cheating, because my girlfriend changed the rules.

Fucking someone else may be cheating in your relationship, but in someone else's it may be well within the rules.

 

[HBK-aholic]

I definately don't believe it's cheating, as I'd say that was when your partner had no idea it was happening, or you didn't have their consent to do so. But being pleasured by another person while your partner watches and gains sexual pleasure themselves isn't cheating. I'd never be able to watch that, personally, but if it works for some people then I don't see a problem with it.

 

[Azrael Cain]

fucking someone else, that isn't your Wife, Fiance, or Girlfriend.. even with their consent.. is still fucking someone else. (ie. cheating)

Playing Devil's Advocate here...

Fucking someone else is fucking someone else.

Fucking someone else when your partner doesn't know about it is cheating.

Cheating is about the betrayal of trust, a trampling over the emotions, security and stability that is built between two people. The sex those two people have is a representation, a physical manifestation, if you will, of these feelings.Having sex with someone else, without consent, without "telling," and in effect trampling all over the supposed trust -- that's cheating. That is when it is wrong and hurtful. (Feel free to provide your own definition, that's what 'cheating' means to me, an dI may be incorrect)

But if two people have the maturity and respect to understand that they can be with other people physically and still be together emotionally, what's wrong with that? No one is asking you to watch your girl get screwed by someone else, and if she respects you and your opinions, when you say 'Honey, I'd rather you not' she won't. If she ignores you, then you can call it cheating and disrespect and etc. And same scenario with her, if she asks you not to screw that hot chick in the corner, and you ignore her, then that's cheating.

There is a great deal of repression when it comes to sexual desires. I understand the desire to be faithful and how it's praised in society, and that's fine. Personally, when I am with someone, I am with someone -- end of story. That does not mean, however, that I cannot look at other girls and find them attractive or even want to engage in intercourse with them. The real point, I suppose, is the power to resist that temptation, if such terms can be applied. It's normal to be attracted to more than one person, even if one is in a relationship already; it's human nature. I see swinging as a way of widening the parameters and accepting human nature, accepting and respecting the "animalistic" side. As long as your partner knows and gives permission, where is the betrayal of trust and trampling over the security? Nowhere.

However, if these people are forcing you to share your partner, then something is indeed wrong. If there is pressure, then something isn't right. Again, I like my sex private and in my own bedroom with me and my partner, or partners, but one at a time. That's mostly because I am a lazy S.O.B and multiple partners at once require a little too much effort and it's not for everyone.

 

[LigerBomb]

Thing is, for me personally, I would want no part of it. I get almost blinded with white hot rage just thinking about another man near my GF, let alone doing things to her while I was in the same room watching. In fact, that actually sounds to me as being something more akin to a horrible form of psychological torture, probably resulting in long term emotional damage rather than anything even remotely close to sexy or kinky. But alas, I digress. Along the same line, it honestly bothers me to think about the realities of being with someone else while I was still in a relationship. Even if It was total within the "rules" and my GF said it was ok... I still couldn't bring myself to do it... I would feel much too guilty.
The other reason I wouldn't try is for the simple fact that you never know how you'll behave or react to a situation until you have to actually live it. Even if my GF said she was 100% fine with me being with another woman, or better yet want to watch it happen... honestly I simply don't believe it wouldn't in some small way, shape, or form, breed a sense of passive aggressive resentment, insecurity, doubt, feelings of guilt, sexual inadequacy, or worse still, some horrible amalgam of all the above. I would never gamble the health of my long term, stable, loving relationship by testing the waters of swinging/threesomes/partner swapping etc. For me, at this stage of my life, it's simply not worth the risk.

 

[NSL]

The other reason I wouldn't try is for the simple fact that you never know how you'll behave or react to a situation until you have to actually live it.

Great post. You made some good points, but this one tells the whole story. You could be dead against it, or totally for it, but it all changes when it happens. I was always the jealous type, but once it happened, I was so enthralled in it, that I wanted it more.

I was smart enough to limit it though. It's like a sex toy. It's a good additive, but not a good replacement. I would never tell anyone, "Go let someone fuck your girlfriend", but I would share my experiences and feelings, let you make your own decision. I know it isn't for everyone, but it's definitely for some people.

 

[The Mark of Zur-En-Arrh]

My ex was into those sorts of things. She never actually engaged in any of it while we were together, with the exception of kissing some of my more attractive female friends (which she made sure i was cool with. Like i'm going to say no to my hot gf making out with my equally hot friends)

Anyway, it's all down to the individuals really. See i wouldn't have sex with just my girlfriend and 2 other people watching or even doing their own thing and then swapping. I wouldn't have a threesome with another guy involved either. Just too many concerns about diseases and naturally, i think i'd feel insecure about my own body, but most importantly i don't want to be looking at someone else's cock when i'm on the job!!!!

However, i would engage in group sex. Even i'm reading that having just typed it, and i can't understand why. I guess it's because you know that everyone there is just there to have casual sex with no strings attatched, and i'm guessing that couples don't involve in group sex anyway, so it's a collection of people who just want to get their end away.

But, from what i understand, those are the sorts of people who don't get much joy out of monogomous sex anyway. I've never understood why any woman would want to have 3 lengths of flesh repeatedly pounded into every hole on their bodies in one go. And then you have sites where 18 year old girls are having sex with 60 year olds, and you wonder what their mental state is tbh.

Of course when it comes to things on the internet, it's either because they got paid to do it, or the chick is just THAT stupid to jump in a car with 3 naked dudes, have sex with them on the freeway, and expect to be dropped off somewhere that she wants to be, and be given her clothing back.

Anyway, my point was, that just like everyone has a nose, an ass, genitals and opinions, everyone has their own unique sexual preferences/methods/tastes.

Is it cheating, when you're in a couple? Only if you don't get consent from your other half. It doesn't mean you appreciate them less than you should, you're either just a greedy fuck or you have sexual urges that can't be satisfied by one person alone. If both people are happy for the other to conduct themselves in such a manner, then there's no problem.

Who are we to judge anyway?