This is a backstage vending machine, here is where the Human's purchase their snacks.
S.H.I.T presses whatever passes for a hand against the machine, and emits a high pitched sound out of... somewhere out of that anatomy.
"What are you doing?"
S.H.I.T pauses in its activity to turn its attention to Mr. Magnolian, who today is being accompanied by a small child, who apart from being scruffy looking and lacking the sweat stains, seems to be a smaller version, chubby and pink-faced, who is watching the scene in mild interest.
This one is attempting to communicate with this vending machine.
"Why?"
This one thought your Human child would be hungry, S.H.I.T has been reliably informed that small Human's enjoy chocolate, almost as much as S.H.I.T enjoys Destruction. S.H.I.T stands bolt upright, error! S.H.I.T does not enjoy destruction, enjoyment is a Human emotion, S.H.I.T was built for Destruction! Are small Human's built to eat chocolate?
That one is, Barbosa mutters from a bit further down the corridor, the pair on tour are noticeably keeping their distance from the unpredictable madman, especially as he seems to be bedecked in the tattered remains of a straight jacket, looking much like S.H.I.T did with its tattered remains of a tuxedo, although perhaps more menacing. The child answers the question by nodding in the affirmative. S.H.I.T resumes its "communication" with the vending machine. The assembled crowd watch as S.H.I.T's communication turns from verbal, to physical as it starts to rock the vending machine backwards and forwards, the only sound the heavy distributor slowly but surely going further in each direction, until the inevitable.
*CRASH*
Three things happened, everyone who hadn't already been paying attention instantly does so, and handily, S.H.I.T stepped nimbly aside, clutching its Elite X Title to its chest to make sure it doesn't fall off what passes for a shoulder with the rapid movement. The third would go unnoticed to anybody not paying extra special attention, the slight flicker of Barbosa's expression.
Among the gathered crowd, Backstage Bob pushes his way to the front, showing no surprise at the perpetrator of the loud noise. This Machine was of inferior quality and unable to communicate. Stated S.H.I.T, by way of explanation. Bob looked at S.H.I.T, S.H.I.T looked at Bob, Bob gave a resigned shake of his head, S.H.I.T looked at Bob, Bob turns and walks away, S.H.I.T looks at Bob's retreating back.
"Excuse me," said Mr. Magnolian, interrupting this non-verbal exchange, are you going to introduce us to any of the other wrestlers, at all? He asks.
S.H.I.T cocks its head, in its familiar method of questioning Human behaviour. QUESTION; You do not wish to see more of the Machines on display?
"We came for a backstage tour, we expected to meet the likes of the World Champion, and perhaps even..." Here Magnolian begins to sweat slightly, "Amber Warren... Or..."
Barbosa is number 1 contender. Perhaps soon to be World Champion, this one is Elite X Champion.
"We've met you before, I want to meet..."
You have just met backstage worker Bob.
"Who the hell is he? No, forget that, show us where the top guys hang out around here."
S.H.I.T and Barbosa exchange glances, Barbosa shrugs.
There is Leon Kensworth, S.H.I.T said, indicating the announcer in amongst the crowd, who waves at the pair.
"What titles does he hold?"
Least interesting backstage announcer.
Leon's face falls at the slight.
Barbosa is correct, out of all the announcers Leon serves as the one best used when a competitor wishes to get a point across, and merely needs a man to ask the obvious questions. To be properly challenged, Jonny Klamor or Stacey Maddison are the best candidates, and Becky Serra can be deceivingly insightful and cutting.
"Hey, come on, that's not fair. I ask plenty of tough questions."
"Are you a real robot?" All heads turn towards the, up until now, silent child.
"I was just about to ask that!"
Affirmative.
"Daddy says you aren't!"
"Daddy" is incorrect.
Mr. Magnolian starts to look awkward, Barbosa for the first time in this encounter appears to be enjoying himself.
"He says your a man in a box." Said the child, who like children everywhere, is blissfully ignorant of the embarrassment he is causing his parents.
S.H.I.T turns its familiar snarling stare towards Barbosa, Mr. Magnolian was angry about S.H.I.T initiating an attack on him. Barbosa also calls this one "Silly man in a box!" when he is angry with S.H.I.T. S.H.I.T has collected data and has deduced that your emotion of anger makes Human's act in ways that they may later feel the emotion of regret for.
Only recently, although time is unimportant to a Machine, backstage at Kingdom Come did Barbosa get angry with S.H.I.T and act in a way that he would later regret.
It was you who told us to fu..
"Anyway..." Magnolian wisely interrupts, "what the nice robot is trying to say is... Well, what are you trying to say?"
S.H.I.T looks at Mr. Magnolian, who unlike his son, starts to wilt under the glare, this one is merely stating facts. Human's are irrational, this often leads to mistakes and other things they will later "regret."
"Yes, that's right, try not to say things in the heat of the moment that you will regret later."
Passable summary.
A small pause.
"Matt Tastic was angry with you!" Attention returns to the small Human, who reacts the way most do, by demanding more. "He was all like, crazy robots! I am not funny! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!"
Normally Poo is making the beeping noises! The assembled crowd turn to look at Barbosa, then continue with their conversation.
Matt Tastic is indeed categorised by this one as "angry!" With an added exclamation mark. His anger has driven him to embody that which he claims to hate. Perhaps he believes this will gain him the success he has been lacking, this one does not know, this one does not care. This one only knows that the "regret" following his "anger" will be stepping in the ring with S.H.I.T.
"I always say you should be who you really are." Said Magnolian, and he nods smugly to add to that point, his child however stares at him with the expression of someone who has clearly never heard the phrase pass his lips. S.H.I.T is oblivious.
This one would categorise that as good advice.
Another thought strikes S.H.I.T, out of nowhere, the echo of an echo.
Destroy!
Magnolian and Son stare at S.H.I.T as it seems to try to shake the cobwebs out, finally it continues, however, while radical change to achieve short term goals is unappealing and can appear false, this one has learned that evolution and improvement prevent stagnation.
It pauses again, before continuing, in order to avoid becoming that which we hate, we must move forwards, this one has learned from Human's like Barbosa that it can grow and improve while sticking true to what it is.
Magnolian and Son exchange glances with a perplexed Barbosa.
When this one first came to WZCW it wanted nothing, except perhaps the total extermination of all life forms.
However, S.H.I.T has learned to adapt, to forge pacts and even perhaps, friendships, that not all life forms must be exterminated, that competition is its own reward, that being a champion means it represents more than itself, but that trying to be that which it is not is detrimental.
Where did you actually learn all this?
S.H.I.T again ignores the but in, Matt Tastic's Human emotion of anger has led him to embody all that he hates in an effort to achieve that which has always eluded him, by contrast S.H.I.T's Human interactions have led it to leave its bleak and one dimensional existence behind, achieving success others can only envy.
All the while still sticking to its mantra; S.H.I.T exists only to destroy!
S.H.I.T looks around at all the gaping faces, most of those assembled have had at least some dealings with the Machine and seem to be confused, and then for some reason feels the need to fill the gap.
The fact that S.H.I.T is the Ultimate Destruction Machine also plays a part.
Which Matt Tastic will learn to his chagrin! Matt Tastic has his problems, but S.H.I.T does not care, perhaps another setback will set him on the journey he needs, S.H.I.T does not care, he is an obstacle and S.H.I.T has a gauntlet to run.
With that S.H.I.T storms off, leaving the trio behind.
"That was an unusual lack of brevity," Leon chips in.
We would say that lack of brevity isn't the correct phrase, he seems to have added to his vocabulary however.
We like Poo's reaction whenever we tell someone to mention Matt Tastic's Meltdown on Meltdown!
We caused him to destroy the Breakfast With... Set, which we then got in trouble for.
Realising that they are now the centre of attention the Barbosa's cease their conversation, instead leaning against the wall in a nonchalant manner. Made all the less nonchalant because of the ruined straightjacket they still haven't taken off.
"Who's going to take us around now, daddy?"
Don't look at us! Says Barbosa instantly.
Father and Son stand in the corridor together, "come on Son, lets see if we can find Becky Serra."
