Pro Wrestling News Parodies.

[Scott Free]

I like reading pro wrestling news, but sometimes, I kind of find them amusing to say the least, you know, tidbits of junk based on rumors and sometimes, out-and-out made up stuff. So I'm toying with the idea of a parody wrestling news site, with completely made-up stuff, kind of like this...

SAMOA JOE'S WEIGHT GAIN EXPLAINED!

A source in TNA revealed that Samoa Joe's recent weight gain is part of his new gimmick. Joe has been on an intensive Sumo style diet for the time he was absent to prepare for his new persona. The one man "Nation of Violence" gimmick is based on the old One Man Gang gimmick, but according to Joe, he's supposed to represent a whole nation, so he must expand his borders to at least Yokozuna levels to successfully project this new image. More details on this as they become available.

 

[Mantaur Rodeo Clown]

JEFF HARDY'S RECENT DISPUTE OVER CONTRACTS: THE INSIDER SCOOP

Word has come out of WWE headquarters that Jeff Hardy will not be signing another deal with WWE as he feels wrestling is not working out for him. His brother matt states his heart has never been in it from the get go. Jeff plans to pursue his true passion in life, Men's Figure Skating. Starting training in October, Hardy hopes the gyrations he makes when his pyro goes off will lend itself to his new career and launch him as the new face of figure skating.

Dick Patterson, Head of the figure skating wellness policy committee had this to say: Im optimistic.

 

[Mustang Sally]

*****BRET HART RETURNS TO THE RING !!*****​

Knowledgeable sources report that Bret Hart will be returning to the squared-circle to form a tag team with the bizarre Goldust.

"Goldie is the only one I would come back for." explained Hart, "He will be using his Tourette's routine in our tag-team efforts. Together, we will shock the world with our teamwork and strategy."

"Does your team have a name, Bret?"

"We will combine our skills and be called The Excellence of Electrocution."

 

[Phoenix]

Vince McMahon steps down from the Creative Department at WWE

Yes, you heard it here. Vincent "Vinnie Mac" McMahon has chosen to step down from the creative department and all the ideas be run by Vince Russo who has jumped ship from TNA in a suprise swoop by the WWE. Russo has commented that he plans to bring in ideas for new match gimmicks and he will be the one responsible for a proposed Sting vs. Undertaker bout. The shock is further speculating that TNA is going to be purchased by McMahon and lead to a second Invasion angle. More on this as Russo continues to send us the updates.

 

[Scott Free]

Backstage sources in the WWE report that HHH suffered a serious injury during the PPV event during the match with Randy Orton & Legacy. While the match went on to the finish, it is apparent the unfortunate event took place right at that point, as the count reached 3 and Orton was declared the winner, Triple H was unable to move after that. He had to be carried out in a stretcher and rushed to a near-by hospital, early diagnoses points at a seriously bruised ego. It is unknown how long HHH will be out, it could be months or mere days, on previous injury of the same kind when he had to lose clean to Chris Benoit, HHH was prescribed a therapy of becoming the focal point of the entire WWE Universe even though he had lost the title, this soothed his ego enough for a quick recovery, it remains to be seen what will the doctors decisions be.

 

[Mantaur Rodeo Clown]

Disaster struck today, as Umaga missed his run in for the "CM Punk vs Kane" match at this Sundays backlash. Backstage reports indicate that management is furious with Umaga. Getting the inside scoop, Kurgen News Limited investigated the issue. In what seems to be an act of jealousy, Umaga's facepaint pot was switched to a pot of permanent aeroplane paint and stainer. Mark Henry seems to be the culprit, stating that Umaga looked to strong in the ring and his butt slamming move gave him "strange vibes". Umaga has refused to comment, hiding in the bathrooms for the rest of the evening. He says he's not crying


MORE ON THIS LATER!

 

[Scott Free]

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=53009350

 

[Cena's Little Helper]

CM Punk may or may not have been seen eating at the Legal Sea Foods across from the Verizon Center in Washington, D.C., where WWE may or may not be having a house show that they scheduled there six months ago. Our backstage sources have informed us that Punk may or may not have ordered the Crab and Avocado Quesadilla, and that he may or may not be wrestling Edge tonight in a match that has been advertised since tickets went on sale three months ago.

 

[Scott Free]

In a recent exclusive interview, Lance Hoyt expressed his feelings towards TNA and why he believes he was let go. "It's simple, man, Jeff Jarrett, man. He was jelous because I was younger, bigger, more talented and better looking than him, man." Not mincing words, Hoyt accused Jarrett of undermining his TNA run from the very beginning, having him involved in stupid feuds and losing to what Hoyt calls "small fries" . "I kept telling Jeff, listen man, I can't go out there, man, and sell like crazy for some 5 foot, 200 pound small frie, man, I'll look stupid, man." But according to Hoyt, Jeff insisted he'd put over smaller guys. Then came what TNA called his big push, the Rock & Rave Infection run, according to Hoyt, creative came up with the concept, and they actually meant to move him up, but Jarrett immediately sabotaged that whole concept, "I was excited about that deal, man, but when time came to debut, and they gave me the guitar prop, man, I knew something was wrong, man." Instead of a real electric guitar, Hoyt was handed a toy, creative informed him that Jarrett had pulled rank and insisted that nobody in TNA could have a better or bigger guitar than him. "I knew that deal was going to go bad, man, but I tried anyway, man. Now I got a new deal with the WWE, man, and they know how to push big guys like me, man, so I'm going there and show Jeff what I can really do." We wish Lance Hoyt the best for the future, and hope his run with the WWE will be a success.