"Monkey Business" with Coco The Monkey

[Coco]

Issue #1: Check Yo Self
by Coco The Monkey​

Greetings from the man in the ultra-tight polka dot banana hammock. My name is Coco and for the foreseeable future, I will be one of your humble WZCW.com columnists. What do I have to offer you, the busy reader? Thoughtful, concise analysis and tasteful writing without the bias for babyfaces and old English that some of my fellow columnists have. If you like the sound of that, feel free to join me for some thoughts on the state of the roster as soon as a character with religious connotations turns heel.

In recent weeks, I’ve seen many a smark board light up with discussion about how Phoenix is being misused, how Chris Beckford had a mediocre Eurasian title reign (but really, who was going to follow Big Dave’s reign?), and how the likes of Steven Holmes and Wasabi Toyota shouldn’t be stuck in the tag division. The examples go on and on. Everyone seems to be on edge about how their favorite smark charity case isn’t rising the ranks. And I reckon that these discussions won’t end anytime soon. This isn’t because the WZCW booking team doesn’t have faith in their midcarders. It’s not because they’re pushing the wrong guys either. Simply put, the roster is too stacked to accommodate the interests of every deserving WZCW wrestler right now.

That said, this reality hasn’t set in on most fans yet. On the two pay per views since All Or Nothing, creative has been able to cleverly accommodate their stacked their roster is by throwing an abundance of big names in KFAD and the Lethal Lottery. But what’s happened to the roster since the last pay per view where these two matches weren’t a viable option to get upper midcard meat on the shows? Barbosa has risen to main event status. Titus has returned. Hunter Kravinoff has returned. Steven Kurtesy has become a full time singles competitor. In no time flat, WZCW’s upper-midcard and main event scene has grown by four. And now that the Lethal Lottery and KFAD have passed, these men need to find a home on the card. As does Everest. And Austin Reynolds. And Constantine. And Baez. And Gordito. And Showtime. There’s only so many men you can throw at the World Heavywieght Champion at once. While all these man are all worthy contenders in this analyst’s book, some of them are going to have to settle for personal grudges in the upper midcard for the time being. Great. Charging creative with the task of establishing distinct personal issues keeps them on their toes, something we want as viewers. But there are only so many of those personal issues we can fit on a pay per view before the midcard champions and their challengers begin to suffer. Well, not Blade. He’s on just about the same tier as everyone I’ve just listed. But the Brad Bombs of this world better watch themselves.

Let me put it to you this way: Sam Smith is the top contender for either the Elite X or Eurasian title. Good for him. Smith is a heck of an up and comer. That said, he’s regarded as being on the level of Mr. Baller right now (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and almost didn’t make the Kingdom Come card. That was a nine match card, a longer pay per view than any other on the WZCW calendar. At the moment, Smith seems like he’s on the verge of feuding with Chris Jones, an extremely talented midcarder who didn’t make the nine match Kingdom Come card. That’s got to make some of the guys in the lower midcard who need that pay per view bonus sweat a little: On a nine match card where six extremely important upper midcarders are being consolidated in one match, some world class talent is having a hard time getting their voice heard. And once it becomes apparent that some of those upper midcarders listed in the previous paragraph need to find a home in the midcard title scene, things are going to get even messier. I like Brad Bomb, Michael Winters, Chris Jones, and Sam Smith as much as anybody. But are they really prepared to survive in the same world as Gordito, Constantine, or Kurtesy? Could you imagine the dire straits these men would face if Titus was relegated to going after the Elite X Championship once more?

To make matters worse for these hard working undercard competitors who might just barely be making cards in the midcard title scene is the reality that WZCW talent scouts always have something cooking. Action Saxton is going to be red hot now that Kingdom Come has passed. Management already have their eyes on a capable new worker to play a masked vigilante and you know they’re going to want to push a gimmick with such great marketability. And in addition to these newcomers, there are guys moving up internally to worry about. Wasabi Toyota is only going to be in the tag scene for so long before he takes one of those solid midcard spots in resounding fashion. Steven Holmes is seemingly already on his way up. And an Alex Steele return has been rumored for months. Simply put, a lot of midcarders are on shaky ground right now. Gut check time is coming. People are going to have to step up.

What’s the solution? I don’t know. I can certainly see some matches with three or more competitors being used to accommodate as many deserving roster members as possible. But after a while, that can become transparent and boring. I certainly don’t think we should be talking about a brand extension yet. Is the answer longer pay per views? I don’t know. All I’m doing is throwing some food for thought out there. I realize you Brad Bomb and Sam Smith fans out there don’t want to hear it, but it’s reality check time. WZCW is red hot right now and as good as those men are, this is no time to hedge your bets on guys who management might see as second best.

Don’t shoot the messenger, guys. You’ve been asking for a while on the boards why your favorite undercard guys ain’t gettin’ no respect. I’m just giving you the answer.

Until next time, remember to recycle your spayed and neutered pets.

Coco The Monkey,
WZCW.com Resident Smarky Wanker

 

[Coco]

Issue #2: New Blood Rising
Times Seems Dire As WZCW Superstars Drop Like Flies​

Greetings once again from the man who’s taken to standing in the nude in front of a screen door in hopes of beating the heat, Coco The Monkey. Since we last spoke about overpopulation on the WZCW roster, it seems something in the system finally gave way as several serious midcard names were handed their walking papers while others were put on the shelf with injuries. I’ll recap all the action for you as well as tell you who I expect to step up as soon as I figure out what a Mayhem Eliminator is...

“Do you know what that reminds me of? Corey Payne. MMA extraordinaire. Acted like one to the point that his behavior got him kicked out of The 'Z. Clearly the fact that he had a guaranteed world title shot meant nothing to him. He was expendable. And so is Gordito.” – Baez

Over the last couple weeks, WZCW has lost a fair few midcarders. Some of these are major names which has fuelled the IWC outcry that the WZCW star making apparatus has been severely compromised. Biggest among those names who won’t be on our televisions for the foreseeable future is ultra-popular upper midcard babyface and world title contender Gordito, who succumbed to injury in the intense climax of his feud with Baez at Redemption. At the same time, Elite X Champion Michaels Winters was quietly jobbed out and released for no-showing several events in preparation for the rapture that never was, Chris Beckford fell to what may be a career ending injury and was promptly written out of his feud with Blade, and Chris Jones and long-time WZCW veteran Phoenix were given their walking papers because creative had nothing for him. And based on what I’m hearing from several sources inside the ‘Z, there may still be another surprising midcard release in the next few weeks.

This sudden rise in attrition on the roster has floored circles of fans that are of the philosophy that stars the magnitude of those WZCW is losing at an alarming rate take time and investment to build. But I, and Baez, as illustrated in the above quote, disagree. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my time watching professional wrestling, it’s that stars can come out of nowhere when a company wants to put the effort in. The emergence of Nexus last year as credible headliners at the second biggest pay per view on the WWE calendar illustrates my point. Not to mention that in a span of no time flat last year, Gordito emerged as a surprise number one contender and was accepted almost immediately by the fans as someone worthy of the distinction. The examples go on, from Barbosa’s rise to the top to Kurtesy’s insertion into the main event of last year’s Unscripted pay per view. Indeed, star making is a combination of whether or not a wrestling company wants to make you believe in a guy and whether or not that person has the talent to be a headliner. One or the other is nice, but both can make a star faster than you can say Mayhem Eliminator. And with no shortage of talented up and comers who have been waiting patiently for their chance, we’re about to find out that no matter how talented a Gordito is, he, as Baez said before Redemption, is merely a cog in a larger machine. But who will be stepping up in the next couple months? Yes, we’ve reached that point in the year where it’s time for someone to breakout. My guess is as good as yours, but I have my eyes on a few talented wrestlers who management has already taken notice of or surely will in the near future.

First and foremost, the name on everyone’s tongue right now as far as newcomers making a splash in WZCW is King Shabba. Love him or hate him, he’s destined to be a huge deal. Out of the latest crop of promising WZCW newcomers, he was the first management signed to a long-term contract. Not only that, but management felt he was worthy of the rub that came with having a competitive match with Blade at Redemption. And now he’s the only Mayhem Championship contender who won’t be involved in the Mayhem Eliminator during the upcoming round of WZCW shows, instead poised to rub shoulders with Baez and WZCW legend Titus. As if that wasn’t enough, this oughta close the book on how seriously WZCW management is taking this guy: Even for a company that managed to find endless amounts of money to try and get Doug Crashin’s gimmick over, elephants aren’t cheap.

The next name I have pegged as a big deal to be is not a new name to WZCW fans, but rather a newcomer to the singles ranks of WZCW: Wasabi Toyota. While some of my “smarkier” readers might grown and roll their eyes or begin emailing me with rants about the myriad of reasons why Toyota wasn’t pushed sooner, which range from complaints about the big man’s “limited in ring ability” to his rumoured type 2 diabetes and everything in between. Well save it, because a few things have been made abundantly clear during Toyota’s near yearlong run in WZCW. The first is that he has a lot of personality which has facilitated a great connection with the audience. The second is that he plays the big man role well, making him no stranger to matches the enlightened fan would have to admit are fantastic. His tag title win at the Lethal Lottery remains one of the highlights of 2011 for me, and there’s no doubt that there’s more great moments on the horizon now that he’s in the singles ranks.

The next big winner in the 2011 talent purging is none other than the tag team division. Last year, Hunter Kravinoff and Wasabi Toyota wouldn’t shut up about how the tag belts should be regarded as the world championships of tag team wrestling and should be on par with Ty Burna’s belt. While that has yet to come to pass because the selfishness of most WZCW stars leaves the tag division starving on a regular basis, a sparse midcard could lead to the elevation of the tag belts. Anyone who’s in the tag division right now should definitely aim for the stars and anyone who’s not making the splash they want in the singles ranks right now should definitely considering pairing up with someone and jumping into where the action is bound to be.

My next pick is bound to cause no shortage of controversy, but I have to encourage everyone to keep a close eye on Black Dragon. While some rumors have come out about alleged backstage attitude problems, there can be no question that this man gets it. He has a natural way with words which in short time will make him a hit with the audience, and his ring work certainly isn’t going to lose any of the fans his silver tongue pick up. If I had my say, this guy would be ranked number one. Alas, management seems to have taken more of a shine to King Shabba than the Dragon. But fear not, Dragon fans: Talent can’t be denied for too long in this midcard drought.

Finally, I would encourage everyone to keep an eye on Saboteur. He stood out to a lot of people during the exceptional WZCW All Stars show. While I think his signing will be put off for a few rounds while he adapts to the WZCW style and the expectations that agents have of WZCW workers, I think he’ll be picked up eventually and that his natural charm and in-ring ability will make him a sensation once he figures out how business is done in the big leagues. And with guys like him and the hilarious Jack Skinner on their way in, how anyone can fear for WZCW’s future is beyond me. At this point, nobody is irreplaceable. The new blood is lined up around the block.

And now that I’ve had my say, I’d like to hear what’s on your mind. Are my picks on the money? Are you worried about the state of WZCW’s midcard? Who will be the breakout stars of 2011? Please comment below and be sure to keep it civil and non-political.