Well, hello there. Welcome to a Mark Keaton RP. It looks like Jeff is using you as a character in his RP and he's not even pming you to ask your permission! Please select your gender...
What's that? Not enough options?! Well how about....
Now let's put some hair on you....
Or ......
Alright, throw some clothes on and lets go.......
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It's a chilly minus 6 out at 6:35 PM on a deserted side street in downtown Toronto, you pull your sweater over your chest a little tighter as you look for a warm place to duck in. You're not really sure why you're here as you had to cancel your dinner reservations earlier because you suddenly ended up in an RP. You wonder how it's even possible as you shield your face from a brisk gust of cold wind. You find a little bar at the end of the street and decide that this place will be a suitable spot to warm your hands. Welcome to Canada, wimp.
The smell of grease assaults your nostrils as you enter this little bar, it seems to be packed with regulars as they look at you like you're an intruder from another land....I really don't blame them with the sparse options I gave you for hair...sorry about that. You take a stool at the bar and rub your hands. The fat bartender asks you if you want anything, you decide you might as well have a beer, good choice! Over at the far end of the seedy bar, a small stage is set up and a spotlight turns on, you ignore it and look at old men at the bar, leaning on each other and acting really drunk. A fight could easily break out at the drop of a hat.
The musician belts right into
Ragdoll by Aerosmith sounding exactly like the band. You immediately raise your eyebrows and perk your ears up as the place suddenly comes alive with rock and roll. Everyone stops what they're doing and watches the stage. You turn to see
Remarkable Mark Keaton, shirtless and already sweating as he wails on his electric guitar and screams into the microphone, his muscles bulging and his blonde hair sticking straight up. You realize that this is the man you're going to have to hang around with for the duration of the RP, you wonder why you didn't have to sign a waiver before all of this.
"I love you Mark!" A young woman screams and struggles to take her panties off in her pantsuit. You watch as she screams and tears the panties up and out of her belt line, then throws the terribly ripped panties on the stage.
"Thank you Terry's Bar and Laundry Mat now with Room Rentals! That's all for tonight! Rock out!" Mark waves and puts his guitar in a case, you see the huge Big Bad Roady help him carry items and clean up. You wonder why he cut the song off 45 seconds in but it doesn't bother you much as you stand up. You are approached by Mark as he struggles to pull on a Van Halen T -Shirt, he's smiling wide and he offers his hand to you. You shake it and notice that Mark rudely squeezed too hard, hurting your hand.
"What is goin on, you?! I heard you were a special guest in this RP, glad you could make it." Mark slaps you hard on the chest with the back of his fingers. You're not quite sure if he's doing it intentionally, but his roughness is starting to get under your skin.
The fat bartender slams his ham sized fist on the bar, shaking every bottle and spilling a bowl of peanuts,
"Hey ASSHOLE! I paid you five hundred dollars for three minutes on stage tonight! What gives eh?!"
"You paid me five hundred but I charge one thousand for three minutes, fat ass! You're lucky I gave you that 45 seconds up there.This dive has never seen so much talent on stage!"
"This is bullshit! You're not getting out of here without a few lumps, ********! Sorry." Terry, the owner, bartender nods at his bouncers, three well built men stand up from a nearby table.
You gulp as the tension rises, Mark smirks and cracks his knuckles. You take a few steps back and stand behind an old man nursing his beer at the bar.
"No hard feelings man, we're sorry about this." One of the bouncers says to Mark, the others agree,politely.
"I'M SORRY TOO!" Big Bad Roady growls as he pushes the bouncers head at the end, it causes all three bouncers to clash heads and fall to the floor, knocked out.
"Hey! You jerk! I went to school with that guy and he used to talk to me at lunch! Sorry about this!" A man says as he jumps to his feet, he grabs a pool cue and others gather behind him, ready to apologize while they fight.
Mark raises a boot and catches a charging man right in the jaw, he does a backflip and lands on his stomach. BigRoad absorbs a pool cue shot as it snaps over his shoulder, he grabs two men by the scruff of their shirts and throws them over the bar, smashing beer bottles and mugs everywhere. Another punch noise is heard and a Toronto Maple Leafs hat flies right by your head. It's getting louder and louder now as BigRoad and Mark are cleaning house, kicking ass left and right. BigRoad grabs a table and takes out three attackers with an overhead fastball throw with it. Terry jumps over the bar and nearly knocks you over, he apologizes and throws lefts and rights at Mark, who easily dodges the punches and gives Terry an uppercut. Terry's wig flies off and he falls on his back, knocked out. BigRoad grabs another man by his arms and flings him like a ragdoll right out of the main window! CRASH!!!
"Sorry! Come on you, let's get out of here before the cops come." Mark punches you in the shoulder as he nods at Big Bad Roady to get ready to go. You run behind them towards a station wagon with illegal racing tires on the back. You open the door to get in and the smell of stale pop and cigarettes hit you in the face. You swipe potatoe chip bags and McDonald's bags off of the seat and reach for the seat belt, it snaps off in your hand.
"Yeeeehaw! Typical Wednesday, right Meatball?!"
"Right on Boss!"
You feel the vibration of the car as it takes off down the street, nearly giving you whiplash. You gulp nervously at the speed and wreckless nature of Mark's driving, he's passing cars and going on the sidewalk, ramping over curbs and blaring AC/DC on his tape deck. You can hear the sirens in the distance, but it looks like you will be safe as it fades. But you notice that doesn't stop this idiot from driving like a crazed maniac. He takes his hands right off of the wheel to reach under the dash, he pulls out some VHS tapes and waves them at BigRoad.
"What do ya think Meatball?! Ghostbusters marathon tonight!"
"Yaaaa! Let's start with Ghostbusters 2 first this time boss! Then Ghostbusters, let's hit KFC first and get a bucket of chicken for me."
You close your eyes as the car ramps off of a curb and down a grassy hill towards a park. Mark is still playing with the VHS tapes as the car races towards a chain link fence. You reach over his shoulder and steer sharply to the right, the car slides sideways on the grass, digging up dirt and slush. The car comes to a stop next to a pond. Mark turns and gives you an impressed look.
"Radical moves, you!"
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The night before Lethal Lottery....8:45 PM
You're sitting on a cheap couch in a two bedroom apartment in downtown Toronto. The beer in your hand has gone warm from boredom, you take a sip of the beer and watch Mark Keaton dose off a little across the room. He's sitting in a small love seat chair with jeans and a loose fitting dress shirt on. The Ghostbuster's are fighting ghosts in a courtroom on the 27 inch television, Big Bad Roady is in the half kitchen, digging around at the bottom of his KFC bucket, a sad expression on his face as he see's there's no chicken left. He burps loudly and goes to the washroom. You see Mark's eye's open a little wider, he leans forward, making sure BigRoad closed the bathroom door, he then sneaks over and sits on the couch next to you. He lights a smoke and speaks quietly to you....
"You know something, I'm starting to suspect that he's trying to get in a WZCW ring. I was messing around on the WZCW website earlier and I found an article about Justin Cooper, it totally went against what Meatball told me. Constantine had nothing to do with Cooper leaving, Justin opted to not renew his contract for personal reasons. You see what I'm saying...you?Big Bad Roady lied to me, he lied so I'd get pissed off and declare war against Constantine and stay in WZCW so he could keep his job and continue to persue his dream of climbing in a ring."
You watch Mark take a long drag of his smoke, he then grabs your beer and drops his butt inside it.
"You were done of that eh? Anyway, I totally don't want to be standing in the ring against this huge dude, ever watch him in a fight?"
You shrug and shake your head incredulously, did he really not remember you were there at the bar fight?
"I mean the past few weeks, we've really become good friends, maybe even better pals than Cooper and me. At least Meatball doesn't act like a dick all the time. Part of me wants BigRoad to fulfill his dream, but a bigger part of me doesn't want to lose his services. Having a 452 pound Demin wearing bear watch my back has been a real comfort since I lost Vis Imperium."
You stand up, walk across the small apartment, open the fridge and grab a cold beer, you walk over and sit back down next to Mark.
"Ya, go ahead you, like I wasn't talking or anything eh,rude much?! Anyway, that's another thing. Vis Imperium used to pay BIG time dude, I mean perks, bonuses, mansions, unlimited everything, I ask for a gold toilet, boom, I get a gold toilet the next day. It was really fucking awesome man. But now that was snatched away from me, and now I'm just like the common wrestler on the card. Blowing my meager pay, having to work extra gigs for snack money. Life on the road is tough."
- KNOCK!!!- KNOCK!!!- KNOCK!!!-
The loud knocking on the door startles you, the toilet flushes at the same time and you see the bathroom door swing open, BigRoad walks out, curses and walks back in to shut off the bathroom light.
Mark jumps up and answers the door, he starts making a big deal about the mailman at the door, he doesn't want to pay the shipping cost for an item, some Mailman named Jeff is telling him that it's not Canada Post that's charging him, it's the border. Mark doesn't understand and starts arguing with the poor guy.
Big Bad Roady walks over and sits next to you, you can hear the couch scream in agony and tilt downwards, you almost have to hold on so you don't fall over towards the big man.
"I'm startin to think that the boss suspects me about tellin lies about Constantine. Earlier he was on that website and sent me a text asking me if I was telling the truth about it all. I sent him this back...
Big Bad Roady shows you his cell phone screen...
Boss: And it said that Cooper opted out of his contract. Is there something you want to tell me BigRoad??????!?!?!?
BigRoad: *BigRoad can't come to his phone right now, please leave a detailed message and he will get back to you whenever he can*
Boss: It's ME BigRoad, Mark Keaton, give me a call when you get a chance.
BigRoad: *The number you have dialed is out of service, please hang up and try your call again, this is a recording.*
Boss: I really don't know how to use this stupid thing.
"Bahha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!"
You watch the bald bear spit all over himself laughing, he seems a bit drunk to you.
"Alright dudes, I got it. I had to pay an extra 18 bucks but it's here.
Mark shows you a small bag, it looks like its filled with sand.
"Hidden White Sand 8000! This is going to give me a huge advantage at Lethal Lottery!"
"Right on boss! I'll get to work stitching in a hidden pocket inside your ring gear! I love stitching stuff!"
You nearly fall off of the couch as Big Bad Roady jumps up. Mark is still standing there, holding his Hidden White Sand 8000 like he just opened a chest in a dungeon in Zelda. In the background, the Ghostbusters are making a toaster dance with emotional slime on the television.
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The Night of the Lethal Lottery...7:21 PM
You're seated in between Big Bad Roady and Mark Keaton on the way to the event in the back of the limo. Both men are silent and perhaps nervous about the night. You cough, but nobody reacts to it. The limo stops at the entrance to the building. Hundreds of fans are lined up on either side of the barricades and react when you open the door. You can hear a - Who the hell is that? - at your appearance. Big Bad Roady and Mark Keaton exit the limo....
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo!!!!!!!
The crowds react, some throwing garbage, calling names. There's a surprising amount of women cheering and calling out Mark's name, you see some people waving Canadian Flags too and wearing RMK T-shirts. Mark takes his middle finger and pulls down his shades, he gives people an uninterested gaze then pushes the glasses back up his nose. He pops a wad of gum in his mouth and starts walking in the building. Big Bad Roady has a bunch of luggage in each hand as he walks close behind Mark. They make their way down a long hall to the locker rooms.
After an hour of getting ready, Mark asks you and Big Road to let him finish putting on his ring gear. You both step out of the dressing room. After a few moments, Mark pushes his way out, sunglasses on and his trademark leather jacket and leather pants with the -RMK- in jagged letters on his rear. He walks confidently down a busy corridor towards the Gorilla position, you and Big Road just a step behind both sides of him. There's an air of excitement around as WZCW staff yell commands, catering is going over the spread layout, there's agents and some
Grand Prix League wrestlers still hanging around after their dark matches. It's an experience you are really glad to be part of.
A nearby door swings open and suit wearing
Chuck Myles hurries out, a cellphone pressed to his cheek as he talks in rapid fire while waving his hands.
"Hey Chuck! Stop for a second dude! CHUCK!!!"
Chuck says something into his cellphone and presses a button, he flips the phone and puts it in his pocket.
"That was an important call Mark, I hope you have something equally important to ask me." The GM doesn't look to be in a forgiving mood at all.
"I'm just wondering if you have that entrance ready like you promised!?"
Chuck lets out a huge sigh,
"If my memory serves me right,it's the entrance where you come out standing on a spike covered Dunebuggy, playing a fire shooting electric guitar."
You see Mark nod enthusiastically,
"Yeah dude, that's the one, tell my new friend here the whole thing!"
Chuck Myles looks at you and continues,
"Then the floor opens on both sides of the ring and huge, titanium arms come out and join over the ring to make a large hoop, that catches fire, at the same time a ramp raises on the end of the entrance ramp in front of the ring, the Dunebuggy then races down the ramp, jumps over the ring, through the fire hoop, Mark jumps off of the vehicle, lands in the ring and all four ring posts shoot out fireworks while Mark shoots more fire out of his guitar."
"Best entrance EVER!" Big Road gives Mark a hard high five.
You try not to laugh at it all.
Chuck gives Mark a hopeless stare,
"Let's start out with cost,I'd say a modest 2 million dollars for it all. There's STRIKE ONE. Next is where the dunebuggy actually lands after it goes flying through the fire hoop, I'd say probably in the fifth row, then rolling through hundreds of people to the twentieth row, killing and maiming as it rolls. STRIKE TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE! WZCW gets sued, we shut down forever because we could never recover from that tragedy...do I even need to go on at this point?!"
Chuck has shifted his attention back to Mark.
Mark shakes his head, he then pops his gum,
"That's if you have a shitty driver. A moron could land that thing between the barricade and ring."
Chuck throws his hands in the air and takes his phone out, he continues his conversation as he walks away from you.
"Well, I guess me parashuting to the ring in the Lottery match is a NO too then!?"
You watch Mark spit his gum on the floor and take a chicken wing off of the catering table, he eats it and throws the bone on top of a perfectly made white cake. BigRoad grabs the rest of the wings and shoves them in his pocket. Mark continues his walk towards the Gorilla position.
Johnny Klamor spots Mark after walking around some WZCW staff.
You keep pace with Mark as he tries to ignore Johnny and keep walking. Johnny is now keeping pace with you guys.
"Hey, hey Mark! You know you owe me right? You owe me a NORMAL interview for once! No motorcycle interviews, no sprinklers at a mansion, no car chase interview! I want a normal, chaos free interview with you Mark, you OWE me that much!"
You stop when Mark stops, he nods and Johnny calls for his camera man. BigRoad gently grabs your arm and pulls you out of the shot, he directs traffic immediately afterwards so no person walks right through the interview. A quick light set up is mounted and a large WZCW tarp is quickly taped to a nearby wall behind Mark.
"Wait! Is he really doing that interview with that ugly checkered shirt on?"
"This is Johnny Klamor, backstage at The Lethal Lottery! I have with me, at this time, Remarkable Mark Keaton who is about to fight for the EurAsian Championship in a moment!"
"That's right J Man, I'm all geared up and ready to fight,dude!"
"Tell me Mark, what do you think it's going to take to stop Titus Avison on his legendary streak he's on with The EurAsian Championship?"
"What is gonna take? Its.....can I help you, man?"
A WZCW staff member is standing just behind Mark, chewing on a slice of pizza. He looks startled as Big Bad Roady chases him off camera, a large thump is heard, Mark makes a fake concerned expression. BigRoad walks back in the shot....
"Got him for ya, boss." BigRoad takes a bite out of the pizza slice and walks over to you, he offers you a bite but you politely decline with a hand wave.
"What is it gonna take Klamor? It's gonna take the effort of THE GREATEST WRESTLER OF ALL TIME! Who am I talking about?! I'm talking about ME! There's no more second guessing, no more doubts or last minute planning, I'm feeding the evil wolf inside me, the good wolf can starve for all I care! This is without QUESTION, the most important match ever in my life! I'm not about to blab about The Streak anymore dude, we've heard enough of that crap over and over and over and over again, I'm completely SICK of talking about it. It's time to SHUT UP and go END IT!"
"You also have to deal with Triple X, the newest returning threat in WZCW has risen really fast and some experts are calling him the favorite in the match tonight. How do you respond to these experts?"
You watch Mark rip his sunglasses off and throw them, he takes a step towards Klamor and grabs the front of his checkered shirt, Mark rips a big chunk of Klamor's shirt off, revealing a nipple for all to see.
"What the hell are you doing? This shirt cost me 25 dollars!"
"Time to stop shopping at Wal-Mart dude, you see what I did there? I'm too unpredictable for the likes of Triple X. So these so called experts can suck it Klamor! Triple X, what kind of stupid ass name is that anyway? Is a porno star coming to fight tonight? This guy just sucks, next question!"
Klamor tries to adjust his shirt so it's covering his nipple,
"He HAS defeated Titus Avison in a chairs match and Titus's specialty match, pure rules."
"So what?! I can do the same thing, except I'd do it faster and more sexier. What's his special move anyway?"
"He uses a claymore kick."
Mark walks over and rips the rest of Klamor's shirt right off, revealing Klamor's fish pale skin and fat gut.
"There, that's an improvement over that damn eyesore of a shirt. Ya, a DROPKICK, Klamor! Everyone and their fucking dog does a dropkick nowadays. I mean I bumped into Pablo down on Queen Street the other day, I accidentally knocked his taco out of his hand in line and HE threw a dropkick at me! I think even my mother tried to dropkick me last week when I went to visit her. It's a regular move and I'm not worried about him one bit, man."
Klamor (Now with a towel around his shoulders) looks nervous as he adjusts the mic and asks his next question,
"The other competitor in the match is Ace Stevens. What is your opinion on this star?"
Mark grabs the towel off of Klamor and wipes his face, he bunches it up and throws it off camera,
"Ace Stevens is cool. There's my confession Johnny K-Mart, I like Ace Stevens. There's nobody on this entire roster that comes close to matching my coolness factor, except Ace Stevens.You saw him beat Triple X, took him to the limit and defeated him. You see, even as the second coolest wrestler on the roster, he still lost to me a few weeks ago. BOOM! Voltron Suplex! Match OVER! He doesn't have what it takes to defeat me, the Greatest Canadian Hero, Remarkable Mark Keaton!"
Mark flexes his biceps.
"The Lethal Lottery match is....."
"What the fuck dude? You're still asking me questions? I have an extremely important match coming up here in what, three minutes?! We have to wrap this up before they start playing my entrance music, man! So hey cameraman, zoom in close, right here. Zoom right in on my eyes like an old Clint Eastwood movie. Got it? Does he have it K-Mart?! Good. You see these blue eyes Titus, Ace and Porno man? These are the eyes of a wrestling master, a wizard of Wallop Street, a Commander of Concussion. These are the eyes you'll be looking into before the clobbering noise, the blood and teeth flying left and right, they'll be the eyes that look at you after you've been pinned, the eyes you'll see with glory in them, these are CHAMPIONSHIP EYES! You will be broken and beaten and LAY at the FEET of REMARKABLE MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK KEATON!!!!!!!!"
You laugh as Mark throws the mic. He nods to Big Road and you follow them towards the Gorilla position for the last few feet. Johnny Klamor quickly grabs Mark's hand and shakes it vigorously, overjoyed that he finally got a normal interview with Mark. Big Bad Roady slips Mark the
White Sand 8000 that RMK positions in his pants. He smirks and nods at him. Mark turns to you....
"Thanks for coming, you. The next time you see me, I'll be the EurAsian Champion AND Lethal Lottery winner!" Mark gives you a hard hand shake and walks off. Big Bad Roady throws you a black T-shirt and follows after Mark. The first thumps of Mark's Entrance music can be heard in the background.
You open the T-shirt to see -
I survived a Mark Keaton RP - written in bold white text right across the front.