On a flight from Minnesota to New York
.hours after Ascension.
The Three Smokes Band chatted in the middle isle about appearing on
Ascension, excitement was in the air and the continuing World Tour was a hot topic. The lead guitarist
Skullface sat next to
Dallas Keaton, both looking as energized as the rest of the band. Everyone else on the plane tolerated the group as they were big rock stars.
I think if were starting with Punch Me in the Heart the guitar solo should be closer to the first of the song man, Skullface continued the conversation and took a drink of beer,
and it should be mostly muted chords at first. Yknow what Im sayin?
Nonsense Skully, Dallas waved his hand,
Ive played sold out shows since 1983, Punch Me in the Heart was always a great centerpiece act for a set. Ive never changed it and I never will. The fact that were starting with this high energy rock ballad still bothers me.
I think you should hear it before you judge it, man. Skullface put his empty beer down and stood up, he opened the overhead compartment and hauled out a small amplifier and his purple electric guitar. He plugged in the guitar to the amp while Dallas had a big smirk on his face, not believing the half drunk lead guitarist was about to perform in front of all these people. Skullface uncoiled the plug from the amp and leaned under the seat, he saw an outlet on the far side under Dallass seat so he crawled on his belly until he was face to face with the socket. He reached with the plug and plugged in the amp, not noticing the clearly laminated sign with gold embossed letters on it
..
-----------------------------------
!WARNING!
----------------------------------------------------------------
DO NOT USE THIS PLUG, THIS WAS PUT HERE BY ACCIDENT BY MECHANICS AND HAS PROVEN TO SHUT OFF ALL THE POWER TO THE PLANE FOR WHATEVER REASON! WHY WE DIDNT REMOVE IT IS STILL A MYSTERY, I KEEP PUTTING IT ON THE -TO DO- LISTS BUT THEY IGNORE ME! IM NOT GETTING PAID ENOUGH TO BABYSIT ALL OF THESE IDIOTIC SHIFT MANAGERS WHO KEEP ALLOWING THESE MORONS TO KEEP MAKING THESE MISTAKES! SO IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE A LEAD GUITARIST ON A WORLD TOUR AND WANT TO PROVE TO THE LEAD SINGER THAT YOUR IDEA FOR A SOLO NEAR THE FIRST OF A VERY POPULAR 80S SONG IS SUPERIOR TO WHAT PEOPLE HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO FOR 34 YEARS THEN STOP RIGHT THERE! DO NOT PLUG THAT AMPLIFIER IN HERE!
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A couple of hours later
.
Welcome to Entertainment Tonight, Im Nancy O Dell. A rock and roll legend has died just hours ago in a plane crash only an hour after takeoff. 80s Rock Icon Dallas Keaton and The Three Smokes Band have died alongside 120 people in a horrible plane crash. Investigators are quickly calling this a mechanical malfunction
.
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A few days later
.the day of the funeral
.. The Home of Remarkable Mark Keaton
..
The Toronto News at five was blaring too loudly in a room to Marks left, he ignored it as he stared into the hallway mirror, slowly trying to figure out this jet black tie. His blonde hair was combed down nicely in flat strokes on both sides of his head, his black suit making him look leaner than he ever did. He felt like
James Bond about to head out for a car chase
if the occasion wasnt so heartbreaking. His mother,
Marsha Keaton put a hand on his shoulder and offered a warm smile.
You look very handsome, son.
Thanks ma. Mark made another attempt at his tie but Marsha gently shooed his hands away and tied it for him.
You know, She stopped and looked at him in the reflection of the mirror,
Its o.k to cry. Despite what your father always told you.
Mark smiled and tried not to think of it. He just nodded in understanding. Seconds later, his mother somehow had his tie perfectly done. He shook his head in amazement and checked himself out one more time in the mirror.
Youre right ma, Mark flexed his arm,
I am one handsome bitch.
Marsha belted out a laugh and clapped his back hard.
Never lose your sense of humor boy.
A couple of honks rang out over the noise of the television. Mark gave his mother a quick glance and they made their way to the door. A butler opened the door for them and in the horseshoe shaped driveway sat a black stretch limo. They entered and sat on the comfortable suede cushions. The driver pulled out of the driveway.
Justin Cooper sat opposite of Mark Keaton, dressed in a black suit identical to Marks. Next to him was
Xander Labelle and
Andrew Adonis, both dressed in dark gray suits with matching gold cuff links. Xander wore round rimmed red sunglasses.
Big Bad Roady was next to Marsha Keaton, dressed in his best black jean jacket and black dress pants, he also had a pair of shades on.
Gentlemen. Mark nodded at them.
Sorry for your loss, my friend. Cooper said quietly, not entirely staring at Mark.
Thank you. Mark and Marsha said at the same time. The rest of the ride was in complete silence, save for a light clearing of a throat here and there. They pulled into the busy streets of downtown Toronto, each passenger staring at the sights on the streets, the billboards declaring a legend has died and today was his day of honor, signs on the street repeating Gene Simmons message that rock and roll was dead. When they finally pulled up to
Rogers Centre is when the madness was really evident. The entire entrance way was shut off to hundreds of fans packed to the barricades, reporters and trucks were everywhere, police and security were on hand for any wrongdoers.
Torontos breaking news:
Its 5 O Clock and still a chilly minus 1 degrees out, Im Gary Hallweather. Well we are only moments away from what is being called - The Funeral of the Century-. 80s Rock and Roll icon Dallas Keaton and The Three Smokes band will be honored in a special funeral procession at Rogers Centre. We have live shots now of his son, Mark Keaton and honored guests, including his mother, Marsha Keaton with Justin Cooper and Xander Labelle. He has arrived and look at all the camera flashes, this is incredible. The world is truly watching this event unfold and it is amazing how much attention this is getting around the globe. We are just getting some facts in here now, 35 thousand people will be crammed into the Rogers Centre here tonight for this event
..lets take you down to H
.
Mark and everyone made their way past the throngs of screaming fans and reporters, they soon entered a long hallway and the sound muted from the outside causing some distortion to everyones senses. After a few minutes they entered the stadium and the shock hit Mark, he couldnt believe how packed the place was, jammed to the rafters with fans of Dallas, signs of tribute were all over the place. In the middle of the field there was a raised stage with an alter and mic stand. There was a very large organ and a huge painting of Dallas Keaton looking serious, like he was ready to shout right at your face.
Mark, Cooper, Xander, Andrew, Marsha and BigRoad made their way to the front row, the crowds were murmuring and settling in. The organist began playing and the priest and his alter boys made their way down the long isle to the stage. The Priest said a few words then motioned for the organist again. She raised her hands high, then slammed them down on the keys
.
Mark tried to hold in his cry as hard as he could, one of his fathers favorite songs outside his own works. The Paul Bearers carried the coffins down the isle, the first coffin being a polished oak with gold handles, it was Dallas Keatons coffin. Nine more coffins followed, each varying in design and style, three of them covered in a fine white cloth, possibly showing a different faith or belief.
The funeral procession began.
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An hour later
.after many prayers and bible quotes from the Priest.
Ladies and gentleman who have come here to pay respects to these men, I welcome you to listen to close members of their immediate family as they say a few words. The Priest motioned to the people in the first row, many of whom had little pages ready to read from. Mark and his guests listened to many Three Smokes Band family members share memories of their fallen loved ones and funny quotes. After awhile, the Priest came up to the mic again and said a prayer for all of The Three Smokes Band family members. He then motioned to Mark.
And now, the son of Dallas Keaton will say a few words about his father. The Priest smiled and left the mic alone, he walked over by his Alter Boys and watched Mark with a smile on his face. Mark gulped, then gave his mother a kiss on the cheek.
I cant do this.
He froze, looking right at her cheek, he was never so nervous in his life.
Somebody hel
A hand gripped his shoulder, Justin Cooper was there.
Lets go Mark, Ive got your back.
Xander stood up and stepped next to Cooper, followed by Andrew Adonis and the 457 pound giant Big Bad Roady. Mark fought back tears as he grabbed Coopers fist and hauled himself to his feet. He patted everyones arm as he passed them, more confident than ever now. All five of them walked to the stage and climbed the stairs.
The crowd erupted in cheers.
Mark smiled wide as he stood in front of the mic, the rest stood a couple of steps back behind him.
The roar of the crowd continued as Mark stood there, making on like he was adjusting the mic, trying to control his emotions.
Wow, Mark leaned in,
thank you for that wonderful reception dudes. Im speechless at how much love Im getting right now. Well, here we are. The day that I never wanted to happen
. Mark blinked hard, he gulped away hurt feelings and tried hard to concentrate.
The day Id have to bury my hero. Many of you folks know Dallas Keaton as a rocking dude from the 80s who sang songs like Kick Me in the Ballads and I Want to Fornicate You. But I knew him as dad. He wasnt home very much during my teen years, because he was touring and rocking the world. But when he was home is when I really valued the time I spent with him, man. I mean we didnt always see eye to eye but we loved each other and always showed it in our own way. He would always tell me that if I followed my dreams and worked hard for them, that they could be achieved. He was right. I had two dreams dude, one was to be a big rock star like my dad and the other was to become a professional wrestler
.
The crowd erupted and started an RMK chant.
Mark held up his hand to try and quiet the crowd.
...and I achieved my dream following my fathers mantra. He would always say - Its time to punch in- every time he left for his world tours. Its something Ive used with every job Ive done, no matter how sticky or hung over I was, I would mutter this phrase, take a breath and get to work. If theres one thing that my father drilled into this alcohol soaked brain is to work as hard as you can, be useful to the men that hire you, dont be a lazy ass. Let me tell you, Im pretty lazy, I slack off and I drink, I party, I have sex with beautiful women
.but when its time to go to work, I work like my father told me to work. I will never dishonor him that way. Dad is probably in his coffin right now, growling at me to wrap it up so he can make his trip to rock and roll heaven. Well, heres something Ive never told you out loud dad, not since I was a little kid anyway, and I wish with all of my heart
.
Mark gulped hard, he blinked away some tears as Cooper patted his shoulder.
...I wish you were here now so I could say it to your handsome face. I love you. Mark lowered his head and tears streamed down his cheeks.
The crowds erupted again. They chanted -
Dallas- this time. Mark nodded and waved at the crowds. Cooper gave Mark a wad of tissues and he wiped off his cheeks and gave his nose a quick blow.
He returned to the mic stand.
And now, He looked at the crowds, then his expression changed to one of evil intent,
Its time to punch in.
An alter boy wheeled one of the cloth covered coffins closer to the stage, past Dallas and The Three Smokes Band coffins, it rested on wheels just in front of the stage under Mark.
Here before me, I give you
.
The alter boy whipped off the cloth revealing a coffin with a hundred white bulbs blinking in the form of the words -
Titus Avison-
The career of Titus Avison!
The camera zoomed in on Harrison Ford in the crowd mouthing the word -
Wow- and elbowing his wife.
We all know who he is, Mark removed the mic from the arm and walked across the stage, he pointed to the coffin and continued,
hes The Eurasian Champion! Hes held on to that damn title for FAR TOO LONG dudes! Seven hundred plus days! Its quite incredible isnt it?! Do you know WHY hes held on to that title for so long? EH? Anyone?! Bueller?!
I know boss! Big Bad Roady shot his hand up like he was in school.
Shush Meatball! Ill TELL you why! Its because hes never come across Remarkable Mark Keaton! THATS why! Now hes aligned himself with Tyrone Blades and Mr. Jones so he can curse and swear now, whip diddly fucking do!
Laughter from the crowd, followed by another RMK chant.
These little punks think they can rise up and take down Vis Imperium? Theyre about as threatening as The Little Rascals. In fact, they remind me of The Little Rascals, a lot. I mean look at Buckwheat
Cooper quickly walked next to Keaton and whispered something in his ear. Mark looked annoyed but nodded in understanding.
Damn sensitive viewing audience, we didnt worry about this shit in the eighties. But anyway, Im sure all these idiot U.S.A fans are going to vote to have us disband if we lose. But heres a spoiler warning for you all, we wont lose. Titus Avison will lose and with it, his precious Eurasian Title and itll be strapped around my waist at the end of the night baby! Oh ya! I cant wait to see the look on his face when
.
Xander Labelle took the mic from Marks hand.
Hold on lad, lets slow it down just a little bit. I think you meant that I, the greatest mind the world has ever seen, will be wearing that Eurasian title by the end of the night. Didnt you get my phone messages? It was conveyed in a way that even you would understand.
Mark took a sharp step towards Xander but Cooper stepped in between them. He growled something away from the mic that seemed to calm down both men.
Xander nodded,
Hes right. That is a distraction for both of us. We have to focus as a team.
Mark quickly snatched the mic back off of Xander,
Thats right smart man, a team thats going to win at Unscripted. A team with ME as team captain. Big Man! Do your flip thing! Mark motioned to Big Bad Roady, the big man ran across the stage, he jumped in the air and did a front flip and crashed right through the Titus Avison coffin causing the 35 thousand people attendance to gasp at the destruction.
Thats what he calls - The Denim Eclipse!- Damn man! That was excellent! Now, heres my smart tag team partner, Xander Labelle, to say a few words.
Xander grabbed the mic off of Mark and gave him a stink eye.
Thank you, young man. We cant forget the tag team partner who is calling himself Tyrone Blades.
An alter boy wheeled another coffin to the front of the stage, he removed the white cloth revealing a cheap looking casket, all along the side where knife slashes in the wood that spelled out -
Tyrone Blades-
Here lies the depraved, nefarious, miscreant leader of The Hollow Ones, Tyrone Blades. The most dangerous man on the WZCW roster, I know because with pure luck, he managed to cheat me out of a victory not that long ago. A masterpiece I have yet to finish, but it hasnt gone forgotten Mr. Blades, oh no, that masterpiece still sits in my storage room, waiting for those final touches of red that I will delightfully add in mere days from now. If the WZCW fans are smart, though I doubt they are, then they would vote you out of the company forever. We dont have time to deal with street rats like yourself, please go crawl under a garbage can somewhere so we never have to see your unwashed, unshaven face ever again. Cooper handed Xander a sledgehammer, Xander jumped from the stage and destroyed the cheap coffin to another gasping reaction from the crowd.
Cooper slowly picked up the mic from the stage floor, the crowds were buzzing on what he was going to say.
An alter boy wheeled another cloth covered coffin to the front of the stage.
Dont bother, Cooper growled loudly at the alter boy,
keep that coffin intact, Constantine is going to need it after Unscripted." Cooper dropped the mic and took a step back, Mark seemed annoyed that Justin didnt follow the planned script.
The priest and alter boys left the stage, followed by Andrew Adonis, leaving Mark Keaton, Xander Labelle and Justin Cooper standing alone. Mark turned and dramatically raised his fist showing the back of his hand, with his thumb tucked in he raised his devils horns with the baby finger and index finger pointing up, Cooper and Xander did the exact same motion, they looked at each other and added their middle fingers forming a -
V I -
VIS IMPERIUM FOREVER!!
VIS IMPERIUM FOREVER!!
VIS IMPERIUM FOREVER!!
The entire stage rose up on four support beams as 35 thousand fans screamed and chanted -
Long Live V.I - The three Vis Imperium members kept their pose as they rose higher and higher in the air. Three huge, red streaming fireworks shot past behind them forming - V.I - before exploding overhead and an amazing display of multicolor madness. The crowds continued to chant louder and louder vibrating the very foundations of the building
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The 80 inch television turned off on the wall with the final image of the three Vis Imperium members holding the formation high up in the middle of Rogers Centre with the V.I hand signals raised up. The camera panned back past a roaring fireplace to a relaxed man covered in a silk night gown. He tapped a big ash off of his Cuban cigar and opened a program for Unscripted, the style was a classic black and white page showing pictures of all the matches with big letters depicting the voting options and whats on the line for each match.
Mr. Banks moved his cigar close to the image of Tyrone Blades, he pressed the cigar into the image until it turned black and formed a hole in the page.
Burn in hell.