Please!
Those phrases are the best things to say to the Aussies. It's the only phrases I know in their language. Or, just talk about Justin Beiber and you'll be fine.
Dear tHHHunder,
If you would like to be a magician, then saying stereotypical phrases and Bieber fever is the way to go. It will help you on your way to some pretty wicked dry spells.
Sincerely,
Steven Kurtesy
Hey Doctor, wassup. I got a bit of a sitch. See at work, there this dude. He's gay. He's also a homosexual. I don't have a problem with it, its just he spends his time singing. Do you know what its like to hear a grown man sing with a female tune for 6 straight hours? He's not exactly a good singer either. How do I shut him up?! Its 6 freakin' hours!! Give it a freakin' rest!
-Killy The Disturbed Burgerboy
Dear Killy,
What is up, home slice? I'm assuming calling this person "gay" and "homosexual" are two completely different terms. However, this still plays an important factor when dealing with the individual. He may get his feelings hurt if you confront him directly, especially with your horrible English. Considering that I don't know the nature of the work environment, I'll give you a simple answer.
Earplugs.
Sincerely,
Steven Kurtesy.
Dear Doctor Kurtesy,
I'm going over my friend Anonymous' house tonight. It's big date night. I just can't wait to see him. The question is, what should I bring him, red wine or white? I don't want to spill any on his beautiful cotton shirts.
Cheers!
Dear Cheers,
If Anonymous is your friend, then I'd suggest a red wine mainly due to the fact that it is very diverse in how it can be symbolised. Red wine can be used for dinner, drinking, socialising... pretty much anything. White wine is usually a selective wine, mainly for desserts. Implying desserts mean you may stay for a while longer and possible go somewhere you may not want to go.
Red wine is also very easy to clean off cotton shirts. It's also very easy to not spill the wine or allow him to wear the shirt in the first place. Little tip if you do spill... apply more red wine and sanitiser to the shirts. Should come right out.
Sincerely,
Steven Kurtesy
Doc, I need help.
I killed a man last night. His blood went everywhere, all over my clothes. I cried all last night. I can still hear his screams every time I close my eyes...
My question is, any idea how to take blood stains out of cotton shirts?
Thanks,
Anonymous.
Dear Anonymous,
I was wondering why the aforementioned Cheers didn't respond to my e-mail I sent the other day. Small world, huh?
My assistant Sandy tells me of a great remedy you can use. Unfortunately, you can't use that already opened bottle of red wine to cover your tracks. No tomato sauce/red paint, etc. What you need is to mix petrol and Styrofoam, then apply to the shirt. You won't have to worry about the stains.
Maybe I should have suggested the white wine instead? Oh well, no biggie.
Sincerely,
Steven Kurtesy
Doctor,
I'm 15 and I still haven't started my period. This is really embarassing for me, and all of my friends tease me at school because it hasn't happened yet. My Mum says it's just part of my natural growth cycle, but I'm really worried that I won't be able to have kids! Please can you help me out?
Your biggest fan,
Evan Jones.
Dear Evan,
Unfortunately, your parents are lying to you. You can't start with a period, it is definitely not the natural growth cycle in any language. The period happens at the end of the sentence, and you've already learned how to properly use it. Those kids at school are just imbred fucks, more or less. If they tease you again, just throw out the "at least I'm not adopted" or "yeah, but it's not like my dad is my uncle and brother." You'll be fine.
Oh, and ask your dad, Chris, how does it make him feel that Doug Crashin eliminated him from the Cage Match at Redemption for me. Thanks.
Sincerely,
Steven Kurtesy
Sorry. Made the same post twice.
I feel as if I should report you for spam to headmaster Lee, then.
