Is This The Right Thing To Do?

[red ass skull muhfukkah]

Last night my girlfriend told me that she was pregnant, but that the baby is not mine. Now for the last 2 months or so we took a break because after about 5 years together we decided some time away from each other might be needed. So when she had sex with the other guy, she wasn't cheating on me or anything and she swears on the child that it only happened once at a time when she was extremely confused and vulnerable.

I am pissed of at her that she had sex with him because I had no intentions of sleeping with another woman in our time away and I just felt that me and her had a certain bond that was beyond such things. I understand why she did it and the I know the situation but the one thing that it's affected me the most is it has destroyed all trust I have of her and has dealt a pretty big blow to my self-esteem (which was already pretty low).

The big problem though is that the guy doesn't think its his, he thinks its mine. I know its not because we didn't have sex in the time frame of her getting pregnant. If she got pregnant from me, she would have been pregnant a month or so sooner. But because of this he has told her he wants nothing to do with the kid and will not be in its life, which is a pretty dick move. So she and I have gotten back together and I decided that I will be this baby's father and I will raise it like it's my own.

It seems dumb and I'm sure many people will tell me so but there isn't a person alive that I love more than her and if I'm not in her life helping her with the baby, no one else will. I'm still extremely confused and I've basically been losing my mind and I'm pretty much as depressed as can be but I still feel like this is what I should do. I haven't talked to anyone about this except her and I just want to know from someone else that this is what I should be doing and that it's the right thing to do.

Sorry for unloading like that, I usually don't post or talk about things that go on in my life but I'm just kind of lost, ya know? This is not me asking for sympathy it's just me getting something off of my chest and asking for some advice.

 

[Hyorinmaru]

If you love her then yes it is the right thing to do.

 

[ABMorales787]

Make him take a DNA test and when the results say he's the father, throw the papers at him and tell him, "you lose, dick".

 

[Mighty NorCal]

If she does not treat you like an absolute fucking king every day for the rest of your life, leave.

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Take care of that baby as if it's your own and let the moron who got her pregnant rot in his own pool of idiocy.

 

[hatehabsforever]

You should check out LSN's thread "To stay or not to stay". Some interesting perspectives on this very issue, from a hypothetical situation.

Who can say if you are right or wrong, without knowing you, her, or the other dude, it's impossible to say. I can say this, I don't think I would take the approach that you have but that's just my opinion, that's not to say you are wrong, maybe I am.

Personally for me, it would be over, end of story. In my opinion, it's infidelity, and for me would be unforgivable. Either way, I wish you guys well sorting out the difficult situation.

 

[Loveless]

Aside from all the other details, there's only one question you need to answer, because everything else is out of your hands

Do you want to be with her?

It's not an ideal situation but you have the chance here to do something remarkable. You can still be a family, you can still be a father, all you have to do is get past the child not being yours and everything will be great.
For what it's worth I have been in this exact situation, I chose to be with her and it was the right choice. Unfortunately the pregnancy didn't work out.

 

[Mustang Sally]

But because of this he has told her he wants nothing to do with the kid and will not be in its life, which is a pretty dick move.

If that's his attitude, but the DNA reveals he's the father, make him pay child support whether he plans to be involved in the kid's life or not.......and never mind you and she saying you don't need the money because you're capable of financially supporting the child yourselves.

Is this partially to punish the guy for his attitude? Truthfully, yes...... but he could also provide a nice college fund for the kid.....and he should....and he will.

 

[justinsayne]

If you can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt the kid is his, he'll be forced to pay child support whether he wants to be in the kids life or not. If he chooses not to pay child support he'll go to jail, and when he gets out will still have to pay child support. Get the "father" to take a paternity test, you'll likely have to go through the courts & shit, but this guy shouldn't get a free pass, make him pay for his kid, even if you are the one raising it as if it were your own.

 

[Poop Master Flex]

No one can tell you whether its the right thing to do or not.

Me personally would have left, there are certain lines I believe shouldn't be crossed and that is definitely one of them. I also understand those are my limits and not necessarily yours.

First thing you gotta do is ask yourself some difficult questions:

1) Do you love her enough to where you can forgive her for this and raise this kid without holding any resentment towards her or the kid?

This is a big one because its commendable that you are willing to put that aside, but can you actually handle it in the long run or are you going to hold it in only to explode all over the girl and kid down the road.

2) How much can you emotionally take? Did she break your limit?

If you can't handle this emotionally and this hurt you too much to forgive then you gotta break up. You may love the girl but its not worth it if its gonna make you a wreck emotionally and mentally for the rest of your life.

3) Are you staying with her and raising the kid because you love her, or are you doing it because you don't want to be alone?

Not trying to be a dick, but in all honesty I've known ALOT of guys that just suck it up and be miserable for their lives just because they are afraid of being alone.

4) Can the trust you once had be repaired or is it long gone?

This is probably the biggest question. Relationships is all about trust and I've always said if you can't trust your girl then you have no business being with her. I understand you probably have lost all trust for her but now you got to decide whether or not that can be repaired. If the trust is irreparable then being with her is gonna cause you a lifetime of headaches and heartaches because every time she's not with you, you're gonna be wondering "is she cheating on me?". Do you really want to live your life with someone you can't even trust?

If you can forgive her, rebuild your trust and actually see yourself living a happy life with this girl and future kid then give it a shot. If you can't do it (and most guys can't) then cut your ties, break up with her and move on. It will hurt for a while but time will heal all wounds.


I'm not gonna lie though, if that happened to me I would have told her to make like a tree and fuck off, but once again its all about limits, what you can take and what you can forgive.

 

[Smooth Sexual Chocolate]

Don't pigeon hole yourself into a situation you're going to regret the rest of your life. If you had fucked some other chick and knocked her up would your current GF give you the same pass for being "confused and vulnerable"?

It's not your kid and it's not your problem, unless you choose to make it your problem, which you seem to be doing; She fucked up, she made bad choice, and now your paying the price.

Like Norcs said, if she doesn't treat you like a fucking king everyday for the rest of your life then by no means does she respect you the same way you respect her.

Also, if it's not too late you there's always the option of abortion.

 

[Mr. Artistic guy]

I'd think the first thing to do would be to find out how far along she is to make for certain it couldn't be yours. After that, if it turns out you aren't the father, you and your girl need to sit down with this guy if possible and try to understand what kind of involvement he's willing to have. If he just shoves all the responsibility onto you, as long as your willing, then that scenario is the right thing to do.

You'll be wanting to work through your trust issues with your girl also and if you are as you say depressed then I'd seek help and fast. You're not going to be a good baby daddy if you aren't completely focused on said child. You have to try to appreciate how much of a responsibility having a child is, it's not a fly by night decision. I don't imagine you've just settled on this idea on a whim but really really think about the next 6/7 months. Heavy heavy stuff.

 

[Coco]

Tell me a bit about why you needed time away from one another.

 

[Hulk Hogan's Brother]

I guess I am not wise enough to give advice on these matters but what I would say is think of every single thing before taking a decision. Raising the child as your own could be something that you may end up regretting later on in your life.

 

[red ass skull muhfukkah]

I'd think the first thing to do would be to find out how far along she is to make for certain it couldn't be yours. After that, if it turns out you aren't the father, you and your girl need to sit down with this guy if possible and try to understand what kind of involvement he's willing to have. If he just shoves all the responsibility onto you, as long as your willing, then that scenario is the right thing to do.

She's about 7 weeks in at the moment but she's going to the doctors on Monday to get the full details. I haven't talked to the guy and I honestly don't even know him but it seems like he has no intention of being a father. We of course will be getting him to pay child support, we both have steady jobs but we'll need all the help we can get, financially.

Tell me a bit about why you needed time away from one another.

We've been together since I was 16 and she's lived with me for 90% of the time, so I've spent most of the last 5 years being around her most of the day. It was just a matter of us spending time apart and seeing what else was out there. I was talking to another girl myself during that time but wasn't planning on bagging her because she quite frankly wasn't as good as her.

It's not me being afraid of being lonely either, I've had chances where I could have left and I know other girls who I could do something with. I just don't want to be with anyone else because as corny as it sounds, I fucking love her. I do think the trust can be repaired as she seems genuinely regretful and its clearly tearing her apart that this happened. Plus she was the one to tell me everything that happened, I didn't find out from someone else. I don't know, I have a lot of thinking to do and I am not looking forward to telling my Mom and siblings about it.

Thanks for the help guys.

 

[Coco]

Five years was enough commitment to merit a cool-off but now you're prepared to raise her child? I just can't make that leap. Sorry.

 

[Smooth Sexual Chocolate]

Abort! Abort! Abort!

The baby, that is. Don't let religion or preset beliefs stand in the way, she'll feel guilty the rest of her life, every time she see's that child she'll look at it as the mistake that it is and that's no way for a child to be raised.

Also, she fucks one other dude and just lets him jizz all up in her vag, the fuck is up with that?

 

[red ass skull muhfukkah]

One of the first things I asked her about was abortion and adoption but she says she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she aborted it. I can understand that so I won't push her towards it.

 

[Cena's Little Helper]

Kid, you're twenty-fucking-years-old. Unless that baby is yours, walk the fuck away and don't look back. Unless you win the romantic lottery, you will end being with and loving more than one person in your life. Given that your love wasn't strong enough to prevent her from going out and getting knocked up by someone else during a break from your relationship, I'd say that she's not the person for you.

Seriously, why are you even considering staying with her? Is it because you want to be a hero in her eyes? Trust me, her rose-colored glasses will come off in due time. If you stay with her, I can guarantee you that five to ten years down the road (if even that, who's to say that she won't fuck off when she thinks that something better has come along?; I wouldn't put it past her given what she's done here) you'll end up leaving the relationship damaged, resentful, and bitter. Furthermore, you may end up falling in love with a kid that it'll be extremely tough to visit given that you're not its biological father.

I can't make the choice for you, but here's my advice in three words: DON'T DO IT!!! Go out, get your dick wet, and enjoy your youth. I don't know you personally, but I can guarantee you that another woman will come along that will be willing to clean only your balls out and who'll stick around. That being said, if you still do care about this girl but have taken my sage advice to not be romantically involved with her, you can always help her out on YOUR OWN TERMS. She needs some money for Pampers? Throw her a C-note. If she's pregnant and needs a mercy fuck? Go ahead and lay the pipe.

 

[ScreaminNormanSmiley]

Sell the baby. You could make a profit off of other peoples work.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

If this is true love between the two of you then stay. Decide what you are going to do with the baby as you please as a couple: abortion, adoption or raising the kid as your own. However, if she is using you, someone she has known for a long time and trusted, to help support the baby she made by mistake because your a stable person and a true friend, then either walk away or make the bold decision of saying its you or the kid. You don't want to be having the guilt or lack of love inside you the rest of your life every time you look at your kid because he's not yours. If you want a family with this girl, you are better off making one together... not patching one up from scraps.

You've got some options and thinking to do, mate. Let it be known that nothing is your fault here. Your self-esteem shouldn't be shot because someone else did something.

 

[Sully]

It's going to be confusing for the child when it grows up though, not knowing who their father is. But you should still raise it like your own, and you would technically be the father. In my opinion, a parent is someone who raises the child, and the other man is not a parent.

 

[shattered dreams]

I was trying to think of a tactful way to say there absolutely is someone better than her out there but oh well there it is. I know this must be a confusing time in your life but don't let her use you as a crutch of comfortability because she made some bad mistakes when she decided that same comfortability wasn't enough for her. I can't really get passed the fact that she would not be coming back to you if she wasn't pregnant. Since that seems to be the case why should you bail her out? This isn't your problem. If you want to help her some as a friend that is your prerogative but anything beyond that is playing with fire IMO.

 

[El Rev sXe]

Dude you're in a fucking hard situation. To some degree I understand the whole part of her having sex with another dude. It fucking blows, it's hard to trust again.

Anyway, you have what 9,8,7 months before the baby is born? In any case be with her and seriously develop a mature relationship, see if you can build something, but don't see the baby as the base of the relationship. I would say don't even think about raising the bay before it's born. You need to see first if you can still be with this girl.

I hope I helped you some way.

 

[red ass skull muhfukkah]

Got some pretty great news today. Figured I'd fill you guys in for some reason.

The child is mine. She went to the doctor's today and apparently how far along she thought she was happened to be off by a few weeks. What a difference two weeks makes but the kid is mine. Thank you all for your advice and help, I really did read everyone's posts and advice and tried to soak it all in. Somehow it did help so thank you.