Haiku Hogan's Fab Five

[Con T.]

Aww, Shucky Ducky Quack Quack!

So, Falkon has his F20, but I've never seen it. Feller is playing Last of Us; I can understand why that would take up his time. So, as I see it, Falkon's list is a top twenty, based on past performance. I want to write my Fab Five, based on a week to week basis. Note; this list will change dramatically from week to week. You could be #1 one week, and not even on my list the next. That's perfectly fine; you should expect that. It's rare someone cranks out top five stuff each and every week. But for now, I'd like to focus on my favorite five RPs, and explain what made these RPs so good.

If your name isn't on the list... You should probably die in a well.

No, not really. Just take note. And remember, this is a pretty subjective list. So let's do it.

Week 1: 6/20/2013

5. Blade- I'm going to be perfectly honest; I thought I was losing this week, I really did. I absolutely loved the dialogue of your characters this round. I think it was quick, it was fun to read, but more than anything else, it got over the characters. Stacy was written perfectly during her interview, so was Blade. In fact, there's something I want to talk about now; writing NPC characters. This week in the discussion thread, someone talked about how to write an NPC, and if they felt they relied too much on NPCs for their RPs. My feeling is, if you feel like there are too many, it probably means you didn't fully get what you were aiming for. Blade used three NPCs, and it never felt like too much?

Why? Because he knew the characters, he knew their tendencies, and knew what each character would act like. If you ever wanted to see what writing an NPC should be like, re-read Blade's. It may seem like a small thing, but to me, it's bigger than you can imagine.

4. Krypto- I said this to the guy earlier, but I think he has the best grasp on what his character wants, and how to get it. This is the perfect way to take a guy that's supposedly low card, and make it into a guy that gets significant air time on tv every week.

The work of Dr. Alhazred can't be ignored either, and I'm doing it an injustice if I would. But the thing you can learn most about Krypto's character is making an unbelievable character seem real. Krypto does that, and Dr. Alhazred has given him so much to work with. But the one skill that I think you should look for in Krypto's RP from this week was his ability to use word play. Note the use of "Mister" the cat in his RP. Dynamite was able to not just introduce a plot point, and important one for his match, but he also used one in which could add plenty of jokes to it. From the "Mister was my father" gag, to the pussy jokes, Dynamite's word play made his RP stand out even more.

3 & 2. Saxoteur- I'm going to cheat on this one, I apologize, but Saxoteur's tandem RP is really phenomenal. How good is it? Well, I categorize it as one sole RP, because both Jglass and Doctor are able to pick up where the other one leaves off. The format is one that works for me; I'm not saying all teams should do what they do, but I will say that it makes it so I have to read and pay attention to both, and sometimes that's hard for tag team RPs. I don't know how to do it, and I'm not sure I'll know how to.

I'm not sure who it was that added Chinese script to their RP, so since it was Jglass', I'll assume it was. That's the kind of thing that, to me, adds a whole layer of interaction to the RP. It's little details like that, which make it so engaging to read. Maybe it eventually got to stereotypes, but it wasn't maliciously done, which frankly is a hard thing to do.

Doc, on the other hand, took a lighthearted character, and actually was able to use a nice change of pace to write a somewhat serious pace. Guys, I may talk about this a lot, so I want to talk about changes of pace. When used correctly, it can be refreshing, and can refresh your writing style. As long as you don't stray too far from your writing style (Doctor didn't), it adds a very nice touch to your character, and adds some depth.

1. Celeste-Earlier today, I pm'ed Ech and told him I see his RP's as the best right now. He seemed a little stunned, but there's a descriptive writing to his, that works for Celeste.

Shotaro said it in a podcast, but Celeste isn't a concise talker. She shouldn't be; Celeste's way of talking works for her, as is. His descriptive writing really puts me into the setting, which all RPs should do. I really do believe that writing is a visual craft; we write something, in the hopes of giving our readers a certain image. I feel no one does it quite like Crimson does. It sets the scene; I feel as if I'm there. Granted, not always the best thing during a Regal-Kaitlyn sex session. But at the end of the day, we're role players. Our whole concept is to write a story, so that even while not being there, you feel like you are there. And that is Celeste Crimson, to me.

Also worth noting; look at the way he writes.

I smiled brightly. It was my first gift, and a token of his love and admiration. Yes, my king. A thousand times yes. No price was too steep, for our love knew no bounds. I already had a place for it in the manor. I pictured it above the fireplace in the center of the mantle; the stone walls cradling it as soft light illuminated it from both sides. So that every time I saw it as I walked into the living room I would be reminded of what was really important. We continued to tour the gallery; it had everything from surrealism to modernism to impressionism to abstract. We stepped inside a room that was filled with many sculptures; most of them were metal and were twisted and deformed into different shapes and patterns. Holmes walked up to one piece in particular to take another look; it looked like an aluminum and chrome alloyed star with melting appendages.

Look at how... Bright it sounds. It adds to the character. And frankly, I can imagine Celeste having this thought process. Celeste knows what she wants, and Echelon knows how to write it.

Wanna add something? Don't agree? Wanna point something? Well, feel free to offer your own Fab Five. I'll keep this up... well, 'til I get bored.

 

[JGlass]

If the only thing my two semesters of Chinese at Northeastern does is impress Haiku Hogan, I still say that it was money well spent.

 

[Con T.]

If the only thing my two semesters of Chinese at Northeastern does is impress Haiku Hogan, I still say that it was money well spent.

And by well spent, you mean a lot well spent?

 

[JGlass]

And by well spent, you mean a lot well spent?

Hey man, getting a degree in cinema studies and communications don't come cheap.

 

[Con T.]

Hey man, getting a degree in cinema studies and communications don't come cheap.

Nor is Brandeis;

I don't know how better to say it other than, it's Brandeis. There's a reason I had to move away, I'm pretty sure it bleeds you of money, and I was bleeding out

 

[Dirk]

Good thing you're doing this, I think the F20's dead...

 

[Skairipa Matrix]

Hey look a list I can probably make...

 

[Con T.]

Hey look a list I can probably make...

Want me to bring back the shit list

 

[Dirk]

I liked the shit list -
your caustic, mean shoot promo's.
Bring it back, brothurr!

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Loving this list, Haiku. Something for people to read during the WZCW "down-time."

Good thing you're doing this, I think the F20's dead...

Hmm...

 

[Bernkastel]

This is a awesome idea; in fact, I may steal it and do one for myself, since I find going on about RP's in this type of manor much easier than doing traditional feedback.

 

[Con T.]

This is a awesome idea; in fact, I may steal it and do one for myself, since I find going on about RP's in this type of manor much easier than doing traditional feedback.

You know, it really is; which is why I'm going to do two different top fives. The first one describes all of my favorite RP's from the round. The next five focus on RP's that had so much potential, but needed one or two adjustments to make the list. These are the ones I would call as having potential, having a great idea, but with a little work could have been some of the best RPs of the round.

5. Ricky Runn- Personally, I enjoyed your RP, but it wasn't enough to top Isabel, who also churned out some top notch stuff. The idea of your RP was very good, and I think it had unlimited potential. I mean, it's Ricky in a museum filled with things that can break. The concept was fantastic, when you consider your past with Izzy. But, it seems like you were frightened to go all the way. It felt almost.... I don't know, safe, if that's fair to say? You knew the dinosaur fossils were coming together, but there seemed to be so much potential for more. Which I guess the lesson could be, don't be afraid to go all the way. Have the entire museum come down around Ricky. Have the security guard who comes to apprehend Ricky slip on a bone, and break his vertebrae. Just, don't be afraid to take a big risk, because this RP felt kind of safe.

.... Heh, Ricky Runn and safe.

4. Isabel Stone- Yes, you picked up the win, so don't feel too bad. I liked your RP quite a bit, and you earned that win against Ricky. I see you ascending the card really quickly, but if it makes any sense, the thing I felt held you back was the opposite of Ricky. Where Ricky was a little restrained, I felt that your RP had a bit much, specifically at one point.

You're pathetic. You don't deserve a man like Justin. Or a friend like Sam. And they know it too.

I turn and see a part of the outside ring has been lit up. Justin and Sam stand together, him holding her in his arms. The way he holds me when he knows I've had a bad day. He strokes a piece of red hair from her face and she leans up towards him. Like old lovers tieing the knot, they kiss tenderly, which turns quickly into passion. Before I can puke, they disappear back into the darkness. Ryan drags my head forward again.

You're a failure Isabel. You'll never amount to anything and you know it. You'll never have adoring fans, never have a title, never have anything other than a jobber's position in the back, waiting for the call that will never come.

My ears pound with the sound of my coworkers laughing horrendously, endlessly. I start to cry, my ears ready to explode. It cuts off and Ryan's voice comes thru again.

Ok, let's take a look at all that is happening in this scene. In just that passage alone;

-Her father's beating her.
-Her boyfriend and friend are having sex in front of her.
-Her co-workers are laughing at her.

I felt you could have used two out of three of the above items, and been totally fine. But all of those, all together? Man, is that a lot for me to take in. Yes, it's a dream, but at the same time, you are also a heel. A little sympathy is nice, and worked for your RP. But, man, something like that can turn a character face real quick.

Frankly, right now you're too good as a heel. So don't unintentionally turn yourself face.

3. Rated R Nightmare- I really like the way this direction is going. I really, really do. That said, you didn't lose this week because of what I felt held your RP back. Unfortunately, you lost because of extenuating circumstances, beyond your control. But I think you know, your RPs could use a lot of grammar overlook. Usually, grammar isn't that big to me, but when have some of the issues you did, man does it become a little more difficult to read. I want to see the Carnival of Carnage work, I really do, so I think working on that will help.

I've told you this in PM's, but you could also do with a lot more description. But what I haven't said is that reading an RPer like Echelon could really help you with your style. I think implementing a little of that writing will add the foundation that Dustin needs (thanks for the idea, Pancake).

2. Alex Bowen- See, I liked the RP, but much like Nightmare, some grammar overlooking wouldn't hurt. Let's look at this passage:

Alex: No one is cut from the same cloth as me, I tried to be nice to that dude, we've had our stuff in the past. But i'd even try to sink the hatchet with Barbosa and the machine if I had to. I know Vega and Ace won't be on the same page, but either are we! This is stupid, and it's all over a girl. Captain Killjoy is going the end our big advantage here.

I think re-punctuated in a different way, this passage could be much easier to read. Tell me if you look what I'm about to do:

Alex: No one is cut from the same cloth as me. I tried to be nice to that dude! We've had our stuff in the past, but I'd even try to sink the hatchet with Barbosa and the machine if I had to. I know Vega and Ace won't be on the same page, but neither are we! This is stupid, and it's all over a girl. Captain Killjoy is going the end our big advantage here.

Which brings me to another point; writing in a stream of consciousness style. Alex Bowen does it, a lot. Sometimes it can work for RPs, but it is very few, and very far in between. I'd say that you would benefit so much from more focus in your RPs. Keep your ideas more concise. When you do that, I feel that you're going to get the results you've been looking for.

1. DC- Man, you were so, so close this week. Understand, you are actually the sixth RP, to my fab five this week. You were so close to doing it perfectly, and this is what I can assume would make you a legend here. I was so hoping creative would just let it be a schmoz ending, with no one taking the fall. But the only thing that I think worked against your RP was the cursing. I know it won't change as much, but I do feel it weakens your writing. I think there are moments when some descriptive writing could do just as much to explain DC's thought process than a F#$%# or a S&^$%.

Cursing, to me, can be a powerful tool. When it's overdone like it has been, it lessens the impact. And man... You're already good enough without it.

Anyway, those are my next five. And no, I will not do my five least favorite, so don't expect that

 

[a0161613]

I love this.

 

[Con T.]

Ah, what the hell; I can give you all my fab five for the last two weeks, right now. Sorry folks, but trekking up mountains is pretty hard to do while you're reading some RPs. And the choice seems to be put down the phone, or death.

... I chose life. Anyway, let's start the fab five from two rounds ago:

5. Izzy Stone

Three weeks ago, you were almost there, and now you've cracked the list. And you earned it, as I also love Krypto's RP (more on that later). But there's one fundamental thing you got down in your RP.

Izzy is a heel. And heels can be dicks.

Something about this RP just shows me you know how to write a heel. Heels lie, they steal, they bully the fan (as your RP did splendidly), and sometimes they don't need a reason.

They're just heels. And you got that down perfectly. So if any of you are lost on what it means to be a heel, read this RP, against Krypto.

4. David Whitman

Ah, the new blood. On the first hand, I wanted to welcome you to the fed. Good not to be the new guy anymore; getting the young boy treatment is kinda awkward when you take sauna trips with Saboteur.

.... Have fun with that, Slice

Anyway, this RP just had magnificent dialogue. Just the absolute best dialogue I saw this week, and really set up your world. I know I critiqued that it's really hard to know everything about Whitman's world, but I did feel immersed in it, on second and third readings. And part of that comes from the dialogue between characters.

I've said it before, but I wasn't so sure about the gimmick. Now, I can see the shades of gray about it, and it's done masterfully through your writing. I also think it's a character that can work as a face. And god, do I want a feud like that; a face who tries to keep wrestlers from going through what he did, almost a man trying to protect the others, versus a madman who sees Whitman as his obstacle to reach all of the insane people as possible, to leave them as numb as Whitman.

... Book it, creative.

3. Sam Smith

This was supposed to be Drake Callahan, but he's been bumped up, for reasons you'll see soon. But regardless, I wanna talk about Sam Smith's RP against Steikeforce, because it took risks. The formatting was very different, but I loved it. It was almost like the NWO promos of 96, with Smith buying air time to spread his propaganda.

Again.... That's what heels do!

I loved it, I loved the message because it directly tied to your feud, and set up a nice way to agitate your opponents at KC.

I think, actually, you should run more of these vignettes. Buy time, make it as propaganda as possible. Shit, the end vision of you giving the thumbs up cracked me up; keep that stuff in.

2. Drake Callahan

This... This was creepy. I'm trying to think of the word for it, and the best I got is "Shakesperian". This was a monologue I could easily see a Shakespeare villain give. I'm not sure if that was the aim, but damn did it work. And yet, it's better; it's a villain with a purpose. This was the best line of that whole weeks RP set:

"This entire sport, this entire industry, Showtime - all of professional wrestling, is a fucking joke. When the liars are heroes and the honest are the villains, what else am I supposed to call it?"

That's fucking money, but it's also twisted motivations.

Again, it's a heel, being a heel. A money, money heel.


1. Saxoteur

I MADE SPEECHES ABOUT BEING A HEEL AND ENDED IT WITH FACES?!?!

Yes, I did. Earlier I put Saxoteur as 1 & 2, but I've decided to combine their entry as one RO, because it reads like one RP. And it never gets tedious, it's just as enjoyable as anything else.

So, who's was better? Was it saboteur, and the word play that made for some hilarious comedy? Because on a week facing the TSA, this was perfect. The stars aligned, and Jglass nailed it. So take this time to read that RP, see exactly what he did, and study it. Study it. Your opponent will always a give a gift, even if he/she doesn't mean to.

And when it's given, run with that fucker, just like Jglass.

Or, is it the Henryness of Saxton's? I had a feeling this wouldn't be it, but it fit the story perfectly. It made for a heartwarming, and then heartbreaking tale. That's why it got compared to mark henry so much, Doctor, because it broke hearts, and then gave us that moment of realizing there's one more match.

So, who was #1 out of you two? I couldn't decide, so I gave you both the spot.

Because that's what faces do

Last week's super show fab five will be up soon

 

[Con T.]

Well, here are the fab five work the super show round of RPs. A little note; because of decision that Saxoteur are one unit (until next week ), I've decided I will put them as one number. Originally, I had Saboteur at five (sorry, Jglass), and Doc at 1. So we're just gonna average them, and put them together at three. Which means, someone's gotta get bumped up to the fab five this week. And that means....

Welcome to the team!....

5. Sandy Desserts

I was so hesitant to put the person I'm feuding with on here, but I feel it's immensely deserved, in this round. I know I have a vested interest in your RPs, but this one really stood out; the internal conflict between Sandy worried for her health. You really paint her into this damned if she does, damned if she doesn't situation, and as the person you're feuding with, I love it. Is it worth her health to bring back the old sandman? Hell, is it even possible to get that back. And what of Kurtesy; what can we expect?

This RP made me care even more about what wil happen to this character, and the choices she makes. And that earns you a nice fifth spot here.

4. Vega

I really wish I could have an animator paint anime scenes to your characters; you paint scenes so well, without having to rely too much on dialogue. This RP has this serious, almost somber tone to it, but it also explains motivations for Vega well. Hell, if Vega ever turned face, guess who's waiting for him to feud with, right around the corner?

The answer was Zeus, if you're playing at home. Anyway, you set up this match, and the long term feud with Ace, so well.

I know you felt you had hit a little of a dry run, but I think it's this simple; you and Ace are beyond the belt you feud for. I want to see you going for the Eurasian title, the Triple X, I'm in the push Vega boat. And I think once you find yourself fighting for bigger things, you'll see a rise.

3. Saxoteur

Aye, Saxoteur. Were it not for a blow up doll, you might have been number one, again. But, this was a fine case of absurd theater, and it worked perfectly. I really loved Jglass monologue about embracing chaos, that it just fits a wrestling federation. Just... Roll with what's given to you. I think that's why this team works.

Then we get into Doc's mindfuck of an RO. Dear god, I have no idea what I had read. It might have been even better if I knew Saxton's story, but it was damn enjoyable already. And if this is how Saxoteur winds down, that is perfectly fine by me.

2. Blade

I loved everything about this RP, very much. The dialogue was great, te format worked, the idea was nifty. But here's what I love most.

Right now, Blade doesn't have much of a feud. And it can get easy when you don't, to churn out some stuff that doesn't help (sorry, but Triple X, Izzy, Thrash, etc). Blade's RP not only was great on its own, but it also set up for feuds down the line, and no one should be scared of doing that.

Think you want to feud with someone? Mention it in an RP. Mention wanting a title shot. Because I tell you what, I wouldn't be shocked if Blade winds up in title contention, and soon.

There'll be a reason when he does.

1. Celeste and Holmes

Again, I hate to say it again;

This. Is. What. Heels. Do

They make small situations big, and they are vindictive. And that was th best way to describe this rp. Bringing charges against a commentator... Well, it's pretty heelish. And I think it worked. And hey... I got it all in one RP. And frankly, some teams could do that. It works, he formatting works, and even the language made for... Well, a pretty tense situation.

So, tomorrow, the top not so fab five; for the one week, I'll give some advice based on RP's from two weeks ago. Then , I'll help five characters I think are sputtering.

 

[Con T.]

Ok, ladies and germs, he's my not so fab five. And to be honest; two weeks ago, everyone turned in some really great RPs, that I don't know if I have enough for a not so fab five. There aren't many lessons that I can teach this round. Ergo, I've decided that I want to offer some help to five characters, who I feel really need it. These are more my not so fab five characters:

5. Thrash

So, it seems like you've dropped the angle between Vicky and Alex, which may have been for the best. This week seemed to focus more on the trio of Angel and Amber Warren, and that was pretty interesting to me. I found myself much preferring this group's round of RPs, especially compared to your individual RP work.

Which is why I think this idea is something everyone will agree with; two of you three should team. I wouldn't say we need a stable of all three of you, but a tag team or you and Angel, or of Amber Warren, would be pretty interesting. Amber's on a streak, and Angel can always be a solid guy to work with. With the lack of tag teams, this would be a good way for you to get air time every week.

Dynamite offered the idea of Christian Rock, and yeah, that sounds pretty funny. I think a flirtation angle between Amber Warren and Thrash, with Amber's big brother hiring some heel (I dunno, Dustin Hunter?) to stand in the way of love could be interesting. Then, you could pen some of that purple prose that we know a name like Amber Warren was supposed to be a part of.

4. Angel

No, I don't plan on repeating what I just said about Thrash. After all, how fair would that be?

Nah, let's talk about something different here; let's talk about Ronney.

I think we all know Ronney didn't work out, and there are many reasons for that. But perhaps the biggest reason, I feel, was because Ronney was never really highlighted in your RPs. We were given no reason to care about him, we never knew his story, there was little introduction, there was nothing we actually knew, other than he was troubled.

Which is where my suggestion comes in; when you have an idea, go with it. Go all the way. The troubled child is cliché, but it can be done, if we have a reaso to care. For your RPs, you focused more ok Amber warren and your dead brother, as opposed to giving us necessary information about Ronney. Then, he mercifully died this week.

My point being is, if you have an idea, stick with it. Stick with it, and run with it as much as you can. Ronney could have worked, but only if we were given a reason to care.

3. Jimmy Flynn

I've been very critical of Jimmy, and I don't apologize for it. I apologize if I'm insulting you, because you seem like a nice enough guy.

I don't apologize to Jimmy Flynn, there's nothing I've said that isn't right.

We're told about Jimmy's past, but what is Jimmy doing now? What about his family, and friends? How has being the hometown hero affected his life, for good and bad. At the end of the day, Jimmy leaves in this idealistic world where everyone gives him a pat on the ass and loves him for his past accomplishments.

When, oh when, has that ever been true in real life? It isn't realistic, and it doesn't seem realistic that, aside from his losses in WZCW, that Jimmy doesn't have a problem in the world.

Except, that's exactly what it seems like. Start building some conflict for Jimmy Flynn, and we may be on to something.

2. Izzy

This isn't all your fault, Izzy. You needed a feud, like, a long time ago. But here's the thing; you don't do much help by doling out an RP like the super show round. To me, it was cute, but a little uninteresting, and meandering. Sad, because before this, you were on fire. And that fire makes me realize that if you had a feud, you could be great.

So how do you do it? Start calling out people in your RPs. Look at Blade's RP from the super show round. Blade doesn't have a feud, but he had a basis for a title shot, and he called for it. He's basically saying "hey I'm on fire, creative, do something."

There is absolutely nothing, nothing wrong with that. I'd love if you did that in your RPs. I can think of about three feuds right now you could be in after KC.

James Howard- father against a daughter with daddy issues.

The Beard- same idea, except with the idea of the normal family man, versus the girl that grew up in a broken family.

Mikey Stormrage- man child who Izzy feels needs to grow and take responsiblity for being an adult.

Done, that simple. Trust me, creative could really give you a feud right now, but you could also help lead them the way, especially if you have a direction you want to go.

1. Dustin Hunter-

I know I've already given some feedback, but I do have one more idea for the Carnival of Carnage. Remember that Hunter signed a contract in blood.

You know who that's a sign of? A deal with the devil.

The devil. Lucifer. Satan. Etc.

I know we have Mason Westhoff, and Dr. Zeus sort of has a Godly tone, but I don't think an rp'er is directly dealing with he devil, besides "the devil's dancer" (which seems more a nickname). So play that up; make Dustin have to live up to obligations in his contract... Or else.

Make it more than Dustin bargained for. Make Azazel a guy who makes deals that screws over Dustin. After all, it's the devil; he lives to take souls, cause chaos, and torment people. Play that up, and you may find the accusations of the ICP Stuff (I think, I don't know, does the ICP have anything to do with deals with the devil?) will go away