Bash at the Beach 1995 Date: July 16, 1995 Location: Huntington Beach, California Attendance: 9,500 Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan So we are literally on the beach here as WCW tries another “brilliant” experiment here. The main event is Hogan vs. Vader in a cage. Two guesses who wins that. The other big match on the card is Savage vs. Flair in a lifeguard match, which translates into a lumberjack match. The amusing thing here is the announcement of how many people are here, as Tony keeps trying to tell us there are over 100,000. Oh and no one had to pay to see the show. Yeah they’re that stupid. Let’s get to it. Those are the only two matches they announce in the intro video. This undercard scares me. The commentators look so out of place in those clothes. We recap Sting vs. Meng, which is a tournament final. This is really more just a video about Meng. Ok then. Sting says he’s not afraid of Meng. The set blowing around in the background is amusing for some reason. His parents are in the audience apparently. US Title: Sting vs. Meng So it’s a return match from the last PPV. Good to see WCW always being on the cutting edge of booking. Apparently the first match was a classic. No, not really. Oh and now it’s in the hundreds, as in plural, of thousands. Wow I can barely hear Buffer over the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE. Michael Buffer in sunglasses just looks stupid. And we start finally. Hey it’s contact! It is cool to see the ocean waves hitting the beach in the background like that. So basically Sting can’t hurt him. The monster vs. hero thing usually works so I can’t complain here. If Sting can fight Vader in this then I guess Meng would be a bigger challenge due to more of a lack of talent. Meng hits the Death Grip but apparently this isn’t the Tongan one so it doesn’t do much. The camera guy needs to sit his ass down so he doesn’t block out the sun so fucking much. Oh apparently he’s from Baywatch and they’re filming a segment for their show. Good to know. Meng continues no selling everything Sting throws at him. Meng, or apparently THE Meng misses a Frog Splash but blocks the Scorpion. Ok never mind no he doesn’t block it. This is just not that interesting. Sweet damn Meng uses bad submissions. Why does a mad man like him know how to do a good abdominal stretch? That’s just odd. Or how to do a fucking sunset flip. I hate characters that are idiotic like that. Oh and Kamala is on this show. I hate it already and we’re not even 20 minutes in yet. And here’s ANOTHER submission from Meng. That’s all he fucking does! If nothing else Brain is the king of hyperbole. In a nod to last year’s WZ Tournament, Sting hits a Thesz Press. Hey he finally does something different as he kicks Sting in the face when he goes for the splash. That looked cool at least. And Sting gets a rollup from nowhere to beat him. Ok then. In the required post match beatdown, Hawk of all people comes down for the save. Oh that match could be BAD. Rating: D. The dynamic was there. The matchup was there. Sting was there. Meng is AWFUL at this. Monsters do not use mostly rest holds. They just don’t. I was so bored in this match I couldn’t believe it. Jimmy Hart and Renegade aren’t afraid of Orndorff, who apparently won a contest, not a match or anything, to get his title shot. You can’t make this stuff up. TV Title: Renegade vs. Paul Orndorff Heenan says they’re standing here. Well that could be because they’re on the beach and there aren’t any chairs Bobby. Please just make this quick. Renegade is the guy that looks a bit like Warrior and the idea was to have him run around really fast so people would think he was Warrior. Just go with it. Can anyone explain why Orndorff has a job? Seriously, why does he have one? You also have to consider that Renegade is one of the worst wrestlers of all time. So their answer is to put him over Anderson and Steve Austin. Sure why not? Orndorff gets knocked down into the sand. For some reason the fans love him. I don’t get it. Oh come on he can’t even fucking fall down right! This is a joke. The crowd is DEAD. Yes, they have killed a FREE crowd. A belly to back with the referee in front of Orndorff’s shoulder WHICH IS UP gets the pin. The fans cheered for Orndorff at the end. That’s how hated Renegade was. Post match Orndorff beats him up and gets cheered to high heaven. Renegade no sells Paul’s finisher to further kill him. Tony sells it like it’s in Memphis or something. Get on to something else PLEASE! Rating: F-. Awful. Just fucking atrocious. Move on. I beg of you. I really don't know what else to say about this. Paul Orndorff is in a championship match in 1995 on a major pay per view. Doesn't that sum up the problems already? Oh and the announcer fuck up even more by saying the shoulder was up, but talk ABOUT THE WRONG ONE. My goodness this is idiotic. And now we go to the Dungeon of Doom where Kamala is added. Again, why are there cameras in a dungeon? How is there electricity in there? How was Kevin Sullivan kept on a payroll? Seriously this is idiotic. Sullivan acts like he’s never seen Kamala before. Ok then. Hacksaw Jim Duggan says he’s not playing by the rules anymore. Oh dear it’s Duggan vs. Kamala. Oh dear. Kamala vs. Jim Duggan Please, I beg of you, MAKE IT QUICK! Thank goodness the bell rang. Wait is that a good thing? At least Duggan is getting the face pop like he’s supposed to. Oh and Zodiac has joined the Dungeon. That’s Brutus in case you’re confused. Not sure why you would be as it’s been two weeks with his latest gimmick so it was time for a change. Duggan hits him. Kamala doesn’t sell it. Kamala hits him. Dugan oversells. At least it balances out. And let’s talk about Hogan for a bit. Sure why not. Some large man showed up on the preshow and scared Hogan. He would be known as the Giant. What a brilliant name. The fans don’t seem to be that interested in this. Duggan slams him. The Three Point Clothesline hits. Kamala falls before it hits but whatever. And Zodiac hits Duggan with Kamala’s mask for the pin. I hate this show. Rating: F. Boring, contrast of styles, stupid ending. You pick the reason why it sucked. Again, why is this match happening in 1995? Aren't there other guys you could have out there that are, you know, not old? It makes no sense so that's why you know it's WCW. We hear about Kollision in Korea. That one’s coming. It was taped in April of 95 but didn’t air until after the NWO debuted. I’ll get to it in order though. Savage doesn’t like Flair. Didn’t know that. We recap Page vs. Sullivan. So Page was a loser, then he bought Kimberly a Bingo card and she won 15 million dollars with it so Page said it was his money. He also had an arm wrestling contest going on and Dave Sullivan, a clueless putz, beat him for a date with Kimberly. Oh her name is the Diamond Doll at this point. Dave got hurt so Kimberly brought him a rabbit. We get a montage of him training on a school playground. Sullivan beats him at the last PPV in arm wrestling. They have their date and Dave accidently eats his pet rabbit. And people defended this year in WCW. Diamond Dallas Page vs. Dave Sullivan Sullivan is announced as being with Ralph the Rabbit. Who is dead. And not with him. Whatever. Sullivan might be worse than the Renegade but has the intelligence of Eugene. Just take me now. Yeah imagine a really big Eugene. That’s Dave Sullivan. His finisher is an inverted bearhug. This translates to setting him for a piledriver and holding him there. He gets it, Max Muscle gets on the apron, Dave goes after him, Diamond Cutter ends it. WOW. Rating: F+. And that’s all for Kimberly. This show is fucking HORRIBLE. When I can fit five minutes into a single paragraph, you can tell there isn't much here at all. Dave Sullivan is just absolutely terrible and he always will be. Page, not so much. Gene brags about having agents and attorneys here. Ok then. The Nasty Boys insist on existing still. There’s a triple threat in a minute. Apparently the heels might be conspiring. This is your traditional horrible Nasty Boys promo. Oh great there’s a package on it. Short version: the Nasty Boys and Harlem Heat traded the tag titles for the better part of ever and the Blue Bloods have been going after the Nastys without ever actually winning anything. Sherri says the Harlem Heat are great. Regal and Eaton are British. Ok then. Damn it this could take awhile as we have a comedy sketch with them before the match. Yes, Bobby Eaton, one of the Midnight Express, is having America explained to him by Regal. For some reason the music in the background would become that of one Chris Jericho. Ok this has been going on for five minutes now. WCW Tag Titles: Blue Bloods vs. Nasty Boys vs. Harlem Heat So it’s tag rules but one fall to a finish. Yeah WCW wasn’t influenced by ECW at all. Sherri continues to look decent. Harlem Heat are the unintentional faces here. So they’re going to all flip coins to start, odd team out is on the apron. Heat are the champions here. Because it’s this show, they fuck it up. IT’S A DAMN COIN TOSS THAT YOU KNOW THE ENDING TO! Ok so Heat and Nastys start, even though the Nastys won the toss. What the fuck ever. So of course they all get in before the regular match starts. Regal’s reaction to the Pit Stop is rather amusing. I hate this match already. I truly do. Ok so five minutes have passed here and nothing of note has happened. Literally, it’s been random showdowns that no one cares about with nothing of intelligence to it at all. They have no idea how to work one of these. People keep tagging other teams in which makes no sense. The wrestling is generic as hell too. It’s random strikes with nothing at all between it. Crowd doesn’t care either but can you really blame them? Normally a match like this is fast paced. This is the exception. Of all people, Sags is the most energetic. We finally get the required brawl which in theory means the end of the match. And of course just to further piss me off, it’s a Dusty Finish. Regal is on the mat and Booker is dropped onto him. Sags covers Booker and that means Booker is covering Regal so the Heat keep the belts. Move on NOW. Rating: F+. I know this is a lot of failures, but that’s all I can give them. Nothing here is even watchable. This was boring as all hell with nothing of note to talk about until the very end. It was one of the longest matches of the shows too. This was awful with only Sherri looking good. Harlem Heat and Sherri yell a lot. Slater and Buck are the number one contenders. Ok then. Flair rants about all the usual things. The Baywatch cast are some of the lifeguards here. Oh dear. Ric Flair vs. Randy Savage Remember it’s a lifeguard match which is a fancy way of saying lumberjack. Savage is listed as a former world champion, a legend in the sport, and the national spokesman for Slim Jim. Ok then. Oh and the lifeguards are just wrestlers. I’ve never gotten the thing behind the clap that Savage would do before so many of his moves. Maybe it’s a rhythm thing. It’s your standard lumberjack match as the heels help the heel and vice versa. We get more of the hypocrisy of the over the top rule as Savage suplexes Flair from the apron to the floor. That’s not an intentional throw over the top rope. Heenan, using logic, asks what it was then. He gets no answer. The proper one would be it’s a fucking stupid rule that we enforce when it makes sense and not when it messes up one of the two big matches on the whole card. Flair goes up top and gets the move off! And he manages to ram his head into Savage’s and hurts his jaw. There’s something hilarious about that. Flair goes for the leg and of course it doesn’t work. Flair’s matches are more formula based than anyone in history but they work. The fans get into it at least. Angelo is on the floor without a shirt on. Not cool man. Not cool. Oh and there are no screens so unless you’re up close, you can’t see shit. Those dead spots on commentary are really annoying. I don’t think Savage has done anything other than punch. With Flair on the floor, Arn runs in and hits a DDT on Savage for two. Backslide gets two. It wouldn’t be a Flair match without him getting slammed off the top would it? The elbow gets the completely clean pin. I’m surprised by that more than anything else. Rating: B-. Not bad but nothing great or anything. The totally clean pin is the most shocking part to me as Savage just slammed him and hit the elbow. It’s ok but like everything else here, you see the end and you say so what? That’s the thing: it’s just lackluster. The whole show has felt like it means nothing. These are two of the biggest stars ever and I just didn’t really care. It’s ok but it’s nothing special at all. This is the end of the Road Kill Tour. Wow indeed. So Vader beat up a bunch of jobbers for the right to get squashed by Hogan again. If Hogan ever lost to some of these giants, WCW could have lived off the rematch money for years alone. Seriously, Vader beats Hogan in the first match, Hogan wins two in a row or they split the first two and Hogan wins the title back in the final match. Imagine the money for that. Vader says it’s his time. That’s true as this is his last PPV with the company. Oh and now there are only 50,000 people at the show. Damn so 150,000 left? The show hasn’t been that bad. Ok yes it has been. Tony and Bobby argue. It’s not interesting. Ad for Kollision in Korea. It wouldn’t air for over a year. Hogan and Dennis Rodman say Hogan will win. What is the appeal of Rodman in wrestling? He’s ALWAYS around and always annoying. Hey we’re back to hundreds of thousands. Hogan calls him Rodney. That’s just amusing. Rodman gets to talk. Thank goodness it’s short. WCW World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Vader It’s a cage match. Let’s get this over with. That black suit thing used to scare the living crap out of me. I love how they’re actually trying to make it sound like Vader has a fucking chance. That’s just comical. They start fast so that’s nice. The announcers try to make it sound like Hogan is under pressure here. Why? He’s beaten Vader twice now. AIR HOGAN as he comes off the second rope with a double axe handle. He has been hanging out with Savage hasn’t he? The crowd is somewhat interested but it comes and goes. Vader starts beating him down which of course works for awhile. Apparently some San Antonio Spurs are here. Good to know. Hogan puts on the big Vader monster suit. I do not care. They talk about Vader crushing jobbers. No one cares. Seriously this show has been terrible and it just needs to end. Vader Bomb hits. He hits another one and gets two. A back splash from the top gets nothing as he misses it and I think I can see the ending coming from here. Hogan is of course fine after having a combined 800+ pounds jumping on his chest maybe a minute later. Don’t you just love wrestler? Make that 1200+ as Vader falls on him when he goes for a slam. And we hit a chinlock. Sure why not. Where’s Randy Orton when you need him? And yes I know that joke is old and out of date but this is a boring show and match so give me a break. The slam works this time and his back hurts. Seriously how badly do you think that back is from all the slams over the years? A second rope splash gets two as this is just dragging. He Hulks Up. Shots to the cage don’t work of course because Hulking Up makes Hogan immune to steel apparently. A kick to the ribs (WTF?) puts Vader down but here comes the Dungeon. Rodman holds them off with a chair and the legdrop hits. And then it hits again. Is there a point to this? Hogan goes for the cage but Vader is up now. And of course Hogan wins. Rating: D. This was as cookie cutter of a match as anyone could ask for. Hogan did his thing and no one bought Vader as a legit challenger for a second. This was just long and no one really cared. Rodman I guess added something but not really. Not a good way to end the show but whatever. Apparently after the show ends, Flair comes down to yell at Vader. Oh but it’s not supposed to be known that we’re on. Got it. Arn comes in to save Flair from getting beaten up. Oh ok now we know we’re on the air. This more or less turned Vader face even though he left before the next PPV to head to WWF. That’s the REAL end of the show apparently. Overall Rating: F. Seriously this had no business being a PPV. It’s a prime example of a show that should have been a special or something like that. The one a month thing was a new concept at the time and it’s showing badly here. Just a bad show from a bad time in the company. They were trying to gimmick it up here and it showed badly. Not an interesting show at all with ZERO PPV quality matches. Terrible show.