In my time on internet wrestling websites, there has been one great constant. Something that is said frequently by a great majority of us. Something that most people will claim until there is snow on the ground, that snow melts, and it snows again. A lot of us shout from the rooftops that we just don't like Michael Cole's announcing skills. People have called him on radio shows and tried to chew him out. People get on him for not being a fat, over-the-hill yeehaw from Oklahoma. People don't recognize him as the voice of today's youth in the way that his role demands he be recognized. However, I've recently discovered that this is all just a lie created by those too timid or too proud to admit why they really don't like Michael Cole.
The truth: Michael Cole gets more pussy in a week than 95% of you have had in the last five years.
Yeah, I said it. And now I'll have to put up the stammering and excuses from those who don't want to admit that the sexual prowess of Michael Cole outweights that of their own. Don't be shy. Most of us are in the same boat.
I don't think it makes us lesser men when all those babies are born nine months after Michael Cole goes through your town. It just makes Michael Cole a better man. And it's been that way from over a decade. Let's face the facts, people. We'll soon (sooner rather than later) have to make the choice between living a life of seclusion or dealing with the fact that in a few short years the product of Michael Cole's years of sexual exploits will be everywhere, doing almost everything for us. Bagging our groceries. Writing awful screenplays. Loving our wives.
My plea to all of you is this: Let's deal with the reality of the situation while we still have time to greet our future with open, tolerant arms and drop this farce about us hating him because his announcing. Who's with me?
The truth: Michael Cole gets more pussy in a week than 95% of you have had in the last five years.
Yeah, I said it. And now I'll have to put up the stammering and excuses from those who don't want to admit that the sexual prowess of Michael Cole outweights that of their own. Don't be shy. Most of us are in the same boat.
I don't think it makes us lesser men when all those babies are born nine months after Michael Cole goes through your town. It just makes Michael Cole a better man. And it's been that way from over a decade. Let's face the facts, people. We'll soon (sooner rather than later) have to make the choice between living a life of seclusion or dealing with the fact that in a few short years the product of Michael Cole's years of sexual exploits will be everywhere, doing almost everything for us. Bagging our groceries. Writing awful screenplays. Loving our wives.
My plea to all of you is this: Let's deal with the reality of the situation while we still have time to greet our future with open, tolerant arms and drop this farce about us hating him because his announcing. Who's with me?
