Papa Grande's RAW Feedback:
Alright, I've been wanting to review your thread for a while, since you've paid attention to mine pretty well, so here's a full blown review, son. Before I go on, I want to let you know that this is meant to be CONSTRUCTIVE, so if I do make a bad comment on something I see try to take it in stride and not blow up on me. You know I only mean well. Now, take notes...
Good that you took focus and reminded everyone of last night's main event and what went down on it. Recap video's should almost always show after a PPV, no matter what, so good for that.
Solid opening commentary b/w Cole and King to let us know what's gonna be happening for the night. Not too out there, but that's pretty much how they sound. Although there were a few times I think you could've pulled one of those exclamations away and made it a complex sentence. Just a little too short and choppy. A few small grammar mistakes here and there (Toledo
, Ohio) and such, but for the most part it was good, as you can't do a whole lot with opening commentary.
Hart probably was the right option to open up the show, as he could both adress the WWE Title situation and relinquish his US Championship at the same time. Again, some small grammar errors here and there, but not enough to take away from what's actually taking place. Just make sure you either proofread everything when you're done or go segment by segment, because it looks a lot nicer and comes off as if you care about this project. Hopefully with Batista gone and Bret saying that he wants someone to make an impact and step up you don't go with a traditional ME and give a younger guy (Miz or DiBiase, preferrably) a shot in the ME. Announcing a small 4 man tourney for the US title is good too, and glad that both matches are happening tonight so you can spend the next few weeks giving the two winners some build up.
Good to see some of your younger midcarders opening up the show, as I am a firm believer that the first match of any show should be a slightly competitive contest. Before I get to the match, put a heading of what the match is before you begin to write the match. It helps the reader know that the match is now beginning, instead of just changing it to red text. It'd also help so we know if they're fighting for anything, which they are right now, as it's a match in the US title tournament.
Well, you did exactly what I would like to see in an opening match. Ryder got the dominance in the middle of the match, which is booking 101, then you provided an excellent climax between the two and kept people in suspense. Pretty much exactly how you want to book an opener, so good job there. Again, the commentary was decent, but the King's sentences were a little too choppy and short. Put a few comma's and put some conjunctions in there to lengthen them out. Cole was written better though. Again, another mistake on the format by forgetting to red your text when you sent it backstage, but that can be easily fixed.
Problem here with Edge's promo. First of all, is Orton hurt? Because Edge has said that he's done with Orton, but their match the previous night ended in a DCO, which would mean that they are far from over, since we haven't had a clear winner in the feud. Idk if you wanted to scrap the feud or not, but if that was the case then you should've had a decisive winner at their match last night. If Orton is hurt then it's a different story, but I checked and so far it appears that he's not, and this feud does have some legs under it. You're just leaving the fans hanging since we only saw these two go to DCO and haven't had a decisive winner, yet Edge leaves just like that? You're gonna have to explain that a little better. And you missed a few reds in there. Again, PROOFREAD BEFORE YOU POST!
I said it before your opening match, but again; Use a title to indicate when the match is starting. Otherwise, for a reader, it may get a tad confusing. Good psychology having Ted keeping the monster Henry down by attacking his legs, but one of the moves I saw didn't make any sense at all, and that was the leg DDT. I don't think I've ever seen that move and ever will, and it wouldn't really hurt at all, as Henry's foot would just land on the canvas. Clearly the match was all about Dibiase and Henry was there just for the ride, but now that Virgil is gone hopefully DiBiase will turn it around and get a push. Another solid match, despite small grammar errors and what I pointed out earlier.
Very good, albiet small, promo here with Santino. You got the accent down pretty well, as well as his goofy antics. Almost definite squash against Santino, tonight, and hopefully it is someone that is useful and isn't old or washed up. Also I hope it's not a great big name either, as that debut could be saved for a bigger time rather than a squash against Santino.
Solid start to the Cena promo, but 2 things: 1) Edge just mentioned he was gonna make an impact on Cena a few segments ago. It's not like he actually jumped him or anything yet. and 2) Don't ever mention things like the PG rating to the crowd. Wayyyyyy too smarky, which over half of them probably didn't even get. That's a business thing that the crowd doesn't need to worry about, so you shouldn't bring it up. There's a fine line of thing's that superstars can say on TV, but stuff that would only appear to smarks and stuff that happens backstage is far, far away from that line. This isn't ECW where you could get away with that. The only ones that might get away with that is DX. But Cena? No. He's the last person who'd bother bringing up smarky talk and backstage rumors onto tv. Glad that you had Orton come out and help Cena, because I really don't think this feud b/w him and Edge is close to being over and it kinda explains what I was asking earlier. Edge clearly just wants the title, while Orton wants Edge. TT at the Bash, perhaps? Signs seem to be pointing that way.
Ezekiel Jackson is the mystery guy? Good choice, I'd say. He's not a great name where people will be wondering why he's busy squashing Santino on RAW in his debut, but he's big enough so people actually know who he is. I expect a good future on RAW for Ezekiel. Exactly the way his debut should have been written as well. Show off some of his power moves and don't let Santino get any offense in. Good booking, good job.
This Hart promo just doesn't make any sense at all, man. Reason 1) Why is he impressed that Edge jumped Cena from behind? And then he bailed right when the going got tough for him? Would've liked an explanation for that. And then he says this:
I was impressed enough to give him a WWE Championship at The Bash in three weeks.
Only to say this seconds later:
BUT if Cena is able to knock off Edge tonight, he will be out of the running for a championship match at The Bash.
Just because Cena gave him a suggestion? Looks like Bret is quite easy to sway, if I do say so. And why isn't Orton involved in this picture. Didn't he just help Cena out by scaring Edge away? He's just gonna be put to the side? And why give away a big match like Edge/Cena on free TV. I know they've met multiple times before, but who's gonna wanna watch that match in three weeks when they're getting the same thing for free now? Really, really confusing and dumb booking, imo.
I really don't like that you broke off Edge/Orton as quickly as you did, and it looks like a Sheamus/Orton feud might be happening? While it's something, you'd have to rebuild something you already had with Edge/Orton.
Glad you gave the Miz a small amount of mic time before his match, but isn't he from Ohio? I thought he's been billed from Cleveland, which is in the same state as Toledo, so why would he really be so desperate to leave. I know it's cheap heat at the crowd, but when he's in his home state it looks unneccessary. Also, I hope you do let him win, because Miz/Bourne is a much much more attractive match then Bourne/R-Truth.
Again, Booking 101 with that you had with Miz/Truth, but that is the right decision, by far. Miz definately should be featured on PPV's and if he gets back the US title then he should defend it a little bit more then what he did with his other reign. Should be a good match at the Bash.
Meh at the divas match. I'm not much of a fan of them, so I didn't look into great detail with the match. Sorry, but the only good thing about Maryse is that shes fucking smoking.
At least Orton is thinking the same way I am. I still think he's should be involved in the title match at the PPV, but I'm expecting, due to them acknowledging his comments, Sheamus will face him one on one instead. While it gives them something to do, Edge/Orton should've been the feud continuing. Not restarting Edge/Cena.
Pretty obvious that Edge/Cena wasn't going to end clean and that Edge was gonna win, but I didn't expect Orton to come out as soon as he did. I thought he may have saved that for next week. Either way, I'm assuming that move makes him a loner-tweener now, which probably is for the best. I really hope you add Orton to the ME as you do seem as if you are gonna continue the Edge/Orton feud, and it was a solid ME.
Overall, it was a solidly booked show, despite some of the things I mentioned above. I like what you're doing with the midcard, becasue you do have some talent there. The Bash is already shaping up to be a decent card with Miz/Bourne and (hopefully) Cena/Edge/Orton. Grammar errors need to be worked on, but that doesn't take much work. Good booking, solidly written show. BUT PROOFREAD. Other then that, I don't have anything to say about your first RAW. 6/10. You have potential, though. Good luck with this project.
