What Should I Do About My Sister?

[SSJPhenom]

It's Phenom again with another story regarding my younger sister. This one isn't anywhere near as risque as the last one though.

Anyways, most of you know that I am currently the legal guardian of and raising my younger brother and sister. My brother is 11 and my sister is 15. So far, I can honestly say that it's been a blast. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been easy, but because of them my life has purpose and I've been able to build a pretty good life. So my sister came to me about 10 days ago and told me that she is a lesbian. For those of you that know me around here, you know that I have absolutely no problem whatsoever with my little sister saying that she's a lesbian. I'm actually very happy and proud that she felt close and comfortable enough with me to come out to me. Having said that, though, as a guardian, I have other concerns to worry about.

This past weekend, on Friday, she asked if one of her friends could come over and spend the night. Now this particular friend has been staying over with us for a long time and I enjoy having her over. My answer, however, was no. She then asked if she could go over to her house and spend the night. Again, I said no. When my sister asked why; I was honest with her and told her that it was because she just came out and told me that she was attracted to females. She said that that didn't change anything, but IMO it changes everything. I can't knowingly let someone whom my sister may be attracted to spend the night with her and I can't let my sister spend the night over at their house either. My sister said that she didn't even know if her friend was gay or not, but my whole line of thinking is what if she is gay? What if any of the girls my sister is friends with are gay and they come over to stay and something happens or I let my sister go to stay a night with them and something happens? I know that I can't lock my sister up and keep her from having a social life, I can, however, keep her from being intimate with someone at her age.

I'm sharing this with you guys because I'm not sure that I made the right decision. What would any of you have done? Do you agree with what I did or do you not? How would you have handled it differently and what should I do going forward? Let me know your opinions.

 

[Hyorinmaru]

let her spend time with her friend. If you tell her know she is going to resent you and find a way to do it anyway. I doubt you want her to resent you or lie to you.

Yes they may have sex, at that age sex is always looming over everything so why try to keep it from happening.



And the Silver Lining? Even if she does become sexually active at least she can't get pregnant.


tl;dr version: Trust your sister and let her spend time with her friend

 

[Jack-Hammer]

As you're for all intents and purposes a parent, it's never a bad thing that you're concerned about such things as your sister's sexual activity. Any parent/guardian worth anything is going to be concerned about such things for different reasons; for some, it's a sign that a boy/girl is growing up, which can be hard to take in some respects, for some it's about wanting them to be safe and to be in the know about what's going on. It might be awkward as all hell, but that's part of it.

Speaking of awkward, it MIGHT be best if you sat down to talk with your sister and her friend about this situation in a little more depth. I'm guessing that your sister informed her friend that she's gay and if it's just to lay put your mind at ease, you could speak with the friend about her own orientation. Make it clear that you're genuinely not trying to pry and that you understand that this could be an awkward and very personal thing to ask someone, but you're doing it because you're being responsible.

If the friend is into other girls as well, or is at least curious....well then you might simply have to bite the bullet a little and just let nature take its course and let whatever will happen, happen. Teenage girls think about sex as much as teenage boys do, whether they're gay, straight, bi or whatever and abstinence doesn't work in most cases. Hell, maybe they're both into girls but can't imagine being with each other sexually as they just don't see each other in that light.

Like I said, it might be a very awkward conversation to have but knowing the lay of the land about this whole thing can put your mind at ease, at least to some degree.

 

[Navi]

As a parent of a 25 year old I'm going to answer this as honestly as I can. First you should feel happy that your sister felt comfortable enough to come and tell you what she is feeling, but now in a way you cannot use it against her.

You will have to sit down with her and discuss the situation, I would not include her friend at this point since you know nothing about where she is in all this. One of my best friends who I went to high school with is a lesbian and she hid it from everyone. I only found out years later. In all that time she never tried to hit on any of her friends so this might be the same with your sister.

If you try to keep them from seeing each other, then you will end up in a way forcing your sister to lie and cheat to get around your rules. You have to at some point in time trust her.

When my son was about 10 I told him that if he always told me the truth I would never punish him. I have kept that promise and he has told me some doozies, let me tell you. Nothing major, well other than the huge dent that appeared in the side of my car one day. Even then he was never punished for telling the truth, and as far as I know he has never lied to me or my husband. Once a kid starts lying you have lost them, it's just not worth it.