klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Smackdown got a 1.8, down from last week's 2.0.
Monday Night Raw
Date: August 8, 2011
Location: HP Pavilion Arena, San Jose, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
It's the go home show for Summerslam and we have four matches scheduled. I'd expect a BIG push towards Cena vs. Punk which is really the only thing that has been built on the entire show. That's something this show needs though: a single match to build the whole thing around. Hopefully the card gets some meat on it tonight. Let's get to it.
Here's HHH to open the show. He says the usual stuff about Sunday: it's a huge match, it'll change WWE forever, he can only be trusted so he's the referee....all that jazz. Tonight we'll get the contract signing for the match at Summerslam. Both guys are in action tonight and Cena is up first.
John Cena vs. Jack Swagger
We get some clips of Cena talking to HHH during the entrance, saying that it's an ego thing. HHH says whatever he wants to happen in the ring on Sunday will happen. Swagger takes it to the mat quickly but stops to do his run around the ring. Cena proves to be smarter than the rest of Jack's opponents and levels him as he does it. The champ busts out a Stinger Splash in the corner and a dropkick for two.
Swagger takes over with a shoulder block and we hit a double chickenwing. Cena wakes up and takes Swagger down. The STF doesn't work so Cena starts up his finishing sequence instead. Not that any of that matters as he casually picks Swagger up for the Attitude Adjustment to end this clean at 5:30.
Rey vs. Punk later on.
The Wrestlemania Recall is Bret vs. Perfect in their classic from 1991.
Surprisingly enough it'll be Alberto facing Punk tonight. He talks about how Punk ran from him to end MITB so tonight we'll see what would have happened.
We recap Truth vs. Morrison which is what sent Truth over the edge. In the back Truth says he's a good R-Truth and Josh asks him why he would take advantage of Morrison. Truth says why a lot. Why do hot dogs come 8 to a pack when buns come 6 to a pack? Why does he hate spiders? He's glad Josh asked that. He hates them because they're small and silent. No one is friends with spiders. STOP WHATING ME! Truth talks about his grandmother getting vegetables together and making spider stew, but only Little Jimmy would eat it. Truth is crushing a spider later.
Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz
Miz jumps him during the entrance and beats him down. He throws him into the big WWE logo and kicks Rey's head into it. Referees take Rey out and Miz comes to the ring. Cole talks to Miz about what happened and there's no match. Miz wants to talk about his match on Sunday but he doesn't have one and he isn't happy. He's all over mainstream TV right now but he's got nothing going on Sunday. He wants to know why but he also wants a referee to come down here right now and declare him the winner by forfeit.
A referee comes out but won't raise the hand. Apparently HHH has made a new match.
The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston
Basics to start until Kofi gets a dropkick for two. Miz beats him down into the corner as Cole talks about how great Miz is. Ross talks about having diet cookies with skim milk and barbecue sauce. Kofi gets a Thesz Press and then a suicide dive to Miz on the floor. We take a break with Kofi being all fired up.
Back with Miz holding a chinlock. They trade some strikes and Kofi gets some near falls. Miz goes up and hits a double axe off the top. Kofi tries to speed up and tries a splash in the corner. Miz moves so Kofi jumps to the top and hits a spinning cross body for two that looked sweet. Miz tries a superplex but Kofi counters into a sunset bomb for two. This has gotten a lot better after the break. Trouble in Paradise misses but Miz can't hit the Finale. Miz drapes him over the top and hits the Finale to win at 10:45.
Punk says HHH needs to keep his nose out of the match and is doing this for his own ego. Punk beating Cena again is good for business. Oh and he'll beat Alberto.
Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk
Punk is almost turning face before our eyes. The fans are all behind him here even though they're on all sides of him. Feeling out period to start until Punk charges in the corner and hits his shoulder against the post. Alberto works on the arm as is his custom and the fans are still totally behind Punk. Del Rio tries something off the ropes but slips to the floor.
Punk gets going and hits the springboard clothesline for two. He tries the GTS but Alberto reverses and sends his shoulder into the post again. Alberto tries the cross armbreaker which is reversed into a big old kick upside his head. GTS hits and we're done clean at 4:45. Kind of surprised it ended that fast.
Beth Phoenix vs. Eve Torres
I wouldn't bet on this lasting long. Eve has a remix of her song which sucks. She does look good in green though. Beth beats on her a lot until Eve gets in a kick to the back. That gets her nowhere but a kick off the middle rope does. Eve goes up but gets dropped. Glam Slam and we're done at 2:56. Not long enough to rate but Beth looks good in black and Eve has great legs so this was far from a failure.
Post match Beth says she's going to change the Divas division, basically threatening to take out the sexuality. We're ignoring her MASSIVE cleavage here I guess. Kelly jumps her and stares her down.
Package on Miz and Cena at the Teen Choice Awards.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Alex Riley
Riley insults Vickie's breath pre match. Riley takes over quickly and gets a fast two. Vickie is SCREECHING. There's a sleeper very quickly but Alex breaks it. There's a spinebuster but Vickie is in the ring. She yells at him a lot and slaps him for the DQ at 1:30. That should set up a rematch for the title on Sunday.
Post match Alex punches Dolph, knocking him into Vickie.
Long recap of Punk vs. Cena, including a narrator about the things at MITB.
We run down the Summerslam card and there are still just four matches.
R-Truth vs. John Morrison
Morrison starts hammering away to start and the C4 hits a few seconds in. Morrison sends him to the floor and hits a big corkscrew plancha to the floor, taking out the referee in the process. This has been more of a beating/brawl than a match. John goes into the crowd and tries to climb onto the barrier.
Truth sweeps the leg and Morrison crashes onto the bacrricade on the back of his neck. Morrison dives in at the last second and is stomped down even more. Off to a chinlock which makes sense in this case. Jump downward spiral misses and here comes Jomo. The second attempts at the jumping spiral (NAME IT ALREADY) hits though and we're done at 4:00.
Next week Rey is using his rematch clause to face whoever the undisputed champion is in his hometown of San Diego.
Here's Christian to hype the world title match at Mania. Both of them will be fighting on Friday. Christian has an announcement on Friday and says it would be good for HHH to be there.
Time for the contract signing. Punk cuts HHH off by saying this is all for show. We might as well cut to the chase and flip the table over and brawl. He feels like he's on Conan O'Brien or something and is about to have a clip from his latest movie. He does however have a movie star to explain why he hates Cena. A real movie star that is, not the guy from the Chaperone.
It's a Rock promo which was released a few weeks ago. He basically makes fun of Cena's clothes and his entrances plus the dueling chants. Rock calls Cena a phony in this. After the clip, CM says that Dwayne is just as phony as Cena. Cena talks about how he likes it when guys like Rock and Punk talk about him.
Now it's time for some truth. Rock is a legit star and he has his millions. No matter what Cena says or how long they battle it out, he'll never win over the millions. He talks about how people say he needs to increase his workrate or add to the 5 moves of doom (his words not mine) or he needs to let his heel persona shine out. Cena talks about the Yankees line that Punk said last week and how he likes it now because it gets a reaction no matter what. He talks about Punk asking for all of those perks and says if he wants to see a phony, just look in the mirror.
HHH gets in on this and says that Punk more or less held out for more money and a few perks right? Punk goes off on Johnny Ace (he was here too by the way) and asks about the four releases on Friday, asking if any of those were to his face. Punk talks about winning his first title (ECW Title) and having Cena say good job and he had almost give up on Punk. This is an insult somehow.
Yes, Punk held the company up for more perks but everyone else would have also. Cena won his first title in Los Angeles and this Sunday he'll lose the WWE Championship. He'll still be a big star and have his fight with Dwayne, but he'll have nothing. Punk signs and Cena looks at him. He asks if Punk knows how much pressure is on him on Sunday. Punk won one match in Chicago.
Cena wants to know if Punk has thought about what happens if Punk loses at Summerslam. Punk isn't happy. Cena says win lose or draw he's facing The Rock at Mania. Punk however needs this match because now everyone is watching him. Everyone is listening to him now because that mic in his hands is a pipebomb. However if he loses, he's a one hit wonder.
He'll be known as Buster Douglas, Yahoo Serious (who?) and Milli Vanilli. If Punk loses, it's all gone. Cena signs and says good luck. Punk says luck is for losers and he'd rather be a one hit wonder than a phony. Cena says the talking is wearing a bit thin and both guys stand up. There go the belts and there goes the table. Johnny Ace splits them up so Punk fires a kick which hits Ace. HHH tries to split them up and Cena accidently hits/shoves him down. HHH isn't happy and Punk leaves. Punk wants to know if the fix is in.
Results
John Cena b. Jack Swagger Attitude Adjustment
The Miz b. Kofi Kingston Skull Crushing Finale
CM Punk b. Alberto Del Rio GTS
Beth Phoenix b. Eve Torres Glam Slam
Alex Riley b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Vickie Guerrero interfered
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.1, down from last week's 3.3.
NXT
Date: August 9, 2011
Location: Power Balance Pavilion, Sacramento, California
Commentators: Todd Grisham, William Regal
It's week....sweet mercy it's week 23 of this show. This show started over five months ago. Think about that for a minute. What were you doing five months ago? This same stuff has been going on that long. The NFL season doesn't run as long as the fifth season of this show. There hasn't been an elimination in over a month. It might seem like I'm rambling here to fill in space. That's because I am, as there's nothing else to talk about regarding this season. Let's get to it.
There's a challenge ready to go in the ring and Striker gets cut off by Young. It's something to do with eggs and spoons and finishing lines. Young says he's not doing it and I think I know where this is going. Young says that Striker is just a wannabe while Young is a superstar. Uh...right. The obvious match is made.
Kidd says he's facing Justin Gabriel tonight. Oh great now we're bringing in MORE people to fight against people that have nothing to do with the contest anymore. Kidd isn't afraid because he's a pro. He also compares himself to British Bulldog and Bret. Ok then.
Summerslam ad.
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Tyson Kidd vs. Justin Gabriel
Regal points out that he wrestled Gabriel's father in South Africa. Also Gabriel was the first rookie to pin a pro. That pro: William Regal. They hit the mat quickly and fight for control. Kidd takes him down and fires off some kicks. We get a Lance Storm reference as Kidd has been training with him recently. Kidd keeps his advantage as we go to a break. Regal stutters a lot as Gabriel counteres an Asai Moonsault.
After telling us to buy the latest top stars of whatever decade DVD and that bullying is bad except when it makes money for the company, we're back with Kidd holding a chinlock. Kidd fires off some strikes and here's another chinlock. With Gabriel draped over the bottom rope, Kidd tries a slingshot legdrop but lands on the apron due to Gabriel moving. Here's the comeback and a spinwheel kick takes Tyson down. Roaring Elbow gets two. Kidd avoids the 450 but Justin doesn't crash. Kidd goes to the floor and Gabriel hits a kick through the ropes and a corkscrew plancha.
Gabriel tries a springboard cross body but Kidd rolls through for two. They go to the mat again and get into a weird position. Justin grabs some kind of chinlock with his knee up but Kidd makes the rope. Kidd gets out of the way of another 450 and crotches Gabriel. Big kick sets up a springboard rana for two.
Gabriel grabs a sunset flip for two and we get a double leg nelson analysis from Regal. Kidd picks the leg and it's off to a half crab (taken from Storm according to Regal). Justin rolls through into a pinning combination for two. Kidd gets his head taken off and Gabriel goes up but Kidd is in the middle of the ring. This isn't a problem though and the 450 ends this at 14:45. That was impressive.
Darren Young vs. Matt Striker
Striker has tights with his name on them now. I'm so glad he didn't have those last week. Striker takes him down and hammers away almost immediately. Regal says he trained Striker (partially) on one of his off days. Dave Taylor is the one that really trained him though, also according to Regal. Young takes him to the apron and gets a neckbreaker out there which gets two back inside.
Off to the chinlock and then he rams the arm into the post a few times. Young snaps off a belly to belly suplex and Striker lands on his head. Young hooks an armbar because he's worked on the neck so far and he's pretty stupid. Striker is bleeding from the nose and grabs something like a Gory Bomb. And never mind as Young grabs a fireman's carry and drops backwards to drive both knees into the ribs for the pin at 4:50.
We get the same long recap of Punk vs. Cena from last night.
Daniel Bryan is actually here and talks to Bateman. Bateman is playing some video game against Cena. Bryan turns off the TV and says that Bateman has been making a fool of himself lately. Until he figures that out, he's on his own. That means we have one pro left of the three and he's a leprechaun.
Titus O'Neil vs. Derrick Bateman
The bell rings and the crowd goes SILENT. Titus hammers away early on but Bateman gets something like a standing blockbuster for two. Dropkick to the ribs gets two. Off to another chinlock which is broken up by Titus. The crowd is just not caring at all. Backbreaker puts Bateman down but Titus can't follow up. Bateman picks him up and falls down, letting Titus get the pin at 3:30.
Post match Bateman goes after the Leprechaun but gets taken down and there's a Tadpole Splash.
Results
Justin Gabriel b. Tyson Kidd 450
Darren Young b. Matt Striker Fireman's carry into a gutbuster
Titus O'Neil b. Derrick Bateman Pin after Bateman fell during a slam
Wednesday
Nothing significant.
Thursday
Heath Slater has been accused of assaulting a woman at Wrestlemania, with an emphasis on accused. No other details yet for the most part.
Jimmy Yang is alleging the check TNA gave him bounced. No word on this being true or not but why would he make up something like this?
Impact Wrestling
Date: August 11, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
It's the show after Hardcore Justice which last year was the Whole F'N Show but this year is more of an explanation show. Angle turned heel (it seems) on Sunday by hitting Sting with a chair to win the title. Hogan was there also but there was no evidence that he was combined with Angle. It should be interesting as we're getting close to BFG time which could be rather shaky indeed. Let's get to it.
We open with a clip from after the PPV ended and Angle says he took an opportunity which is something Sting would have done as well. We also get some stills from the match which shows Angle using the chair but Hogan not being involved. Kurt is champion now and he'll take it like he did.
Here's Immortal including Abyss to open the show. Anderson stays a few feet behind Ray and is the last in line. Ray is the mouthpiece as usual and says that Abyss is becoming a huge disappointment. He wants to know if Abyss seriously lost to AJ at the PPV. Abyss is on thin ice with Bischoff. Tonight there's a fatal fourway in the BFG Series with three Immortal members and Crimson. Ray says he's winning the series and winning the title.
On to Anderson now and Ray doesn't like him. However he was impressed by the beating Anderson took on Sunday. Anderson belongs in Immortal and Immortal can benefit from having him. They need to put their problems aside though because it's about Ray being world champion and Immortal taking over TNA and all that jazz.
He sticks his hand out to Anderson but Anderson laughs and doesn't shake it. Ray yells at Anderson for not taking him seriously and the fight is on. Steiner tries to break it up so Anderson beats him up too. Gunner and Abyss get in a shot and a kind of weak beatdown is on. Ray loads up the chain and blasts Anderson with it to leave him laying. Anderson is bleeding and Ray says get him up again. Security comes down and gets beaten up to. The TNA agents come out and Immortal leaves. Didn't see that coming. He's taken out on a stretcher as we go to a break.
Back and Anderson doesn't want to be on the stretcher but he's taken to the hospital.
Bischoff apologizes to the team for bringing Anderson in. Ray says it's ok. Eric says Hogan is coming here as is Angle. He doesn't know what's going on with Kurt though. Abyss says we'll be ready. Eric doesn't like the term we.
Madison Rayne vs. Mickie James
Winner is #1 contender to Winter. The mist from Sunday is now called blood. Oh and Mickie is fine. She tries to grab a rollup like she did at Lockdown. Madison gets on the mat and kind of kicks at Mickie who is just standing there. Now she throws what looked like a bracelet to James and while the referee isn't looking goes for the eyes. Madison tries the hump the mat thing but Mickie counters into a rollup with a nice view. Spinning seated dropkick gets two. Mickie nips up and the Thesz Press off the top. With Madison's tiara on the jumping DDT ends this at 3:00.
Angle is here.
Robbie E vs. Brian Kendrick
Austin Aries is on commentary. Non-title here I think. Robbie jumps Kendrick while the music is still playing. We're on a chinlock less than a minute in. Kendrick gets sent to the floor and Cookie steps on his head a bit. Robbie yells at her for some reason. Back inside now and they slug it out with Kendrick winning. He fires off a bunch of forearms but Sliced Bread is broken up. Cookie sprays the hairspray into Robbie's eyes (referee is like cool, whatever) and Sliced Bread ends this at 2:43. This was fine.
D-Von and Pope are talking and Pope gets a text from someone congratulating them on their match. D-Von congratulates Pope on the win but says if he cheats him tonight it'll be a beating. Pope says let's go win but D-Von doesn't trust him still.
The Jarretts are here with Mexican clothing on.
Robbie yells at Cookie post break and there's a lot of cursing. Cookie blames him, Robbie blames her, they say it's over.
Bound For Glory Standings
Crimson 43
James Storm 33
Devon 30
Gunner 28
Bully Ray 28
Bobby Roode 28
Rob van Dam 25
Matt Morgan 24 (injured)
AJ Styles 21
D'Angelo Dinero 17
Scott Steiner 14
Samoa Joe -10
Bound For Glory Series: Beer Money vs. AJ Styles/Rob Van Dam vs. D-Von/D'Angelo Dinero
Rob's left hand is taped. Christopher Daniels pops up on commentary and the match starts after a break. After the break (complete with the mini screen of Daniels talking) he challenges AJ to a rematch from Destination X. After issuing the challenge he leaves. D-Von starts with RVD and it's off to Pope quickly. AJ comes in in a Lockdown 2010 rematch. Storm is tagged in and tried to steal a pin but AJ breaks it up.
D-Von and Pope work well together, resulting in a two count for D-Von on Storm. Storm goes up to the middle rope and hits an elbow, allowing Roode to get the tag. Spinebuster gets two on Pope but Van Dam saves. Beer Money, being the only real team in this, double teams the best as things quickly break down. AJ comes in with the forearm but D-Von takes him down with a spinebuster/chokeslam. Pope and D-Von clear the ring and set for something on AJ but D-Von takes Pope out by mistake. Roode comes in and a fisherman's suplex pins Pope at 5:00.
Angle is up next.
Angle thanks the fans for their caring about the PPV. This isn't about him joining the dark side or anything like that. He thanks Sting also. This is about Karen and Jeff and the marriage stuff. Someone that isn't a wrestler called him and told him not to blame Karen or Jeff. There was a third party that caused the divorce, and that was Dixie Carter.
He went to Carter three years ago and was told that she knew nothing of the affair. The third party (the person that called him) told Kurt about this. Carter lied to prevent a media disaster and Kurt didn't kill Jeff to prevent one also. This is the beginning of him keeping Carter from coming back and he's going to stop all of the young talent to keep her away.
Angle goes to leave but Sting pops up on Kurt's riser in the stage. Kurt holds up the chair for defense but Sting knocks it away with the bat. Angle drops down to his knees and Hogan comes out and cracks Sting with the chair. Angle says Hogan was the informant that told him about all of the affair and Carter's lies. Hogan wears him out with the chair. He throws Sting in the ring (Sting in jeans is a weird sight) and beats him down with fists. Kurt comes in and Hogan raises Kurt's arm.
Video on BFG being in Philadelphia and how this is the most important show of the year.
ODB/Jackie vs. Tara/Miss Tessmacher
There's a Tessmacher chant as she and Jackie start us off. Tessmacher takes her down with a dropkick and it's off to Tara who gets a sunset flip for two. Off to Tessmacher who does her stupid thing in the corner. Tara vs. Jackie now and a side blockbuster gets two for Tara. We get about the fourth headlock of the match and Tara avoids some cheating. Off to ODB now and Jackie won't let her throw a punch. Tara gets a superplex to slow ODB down and everything breaks down. Jackie and ODB set for a stomping but Jackie says no. Brooke (her official first name now) takes the heels down and rolls up Jackie for the pin at 5:20.
A bunch of guys are outside Bischoff's office.
The X-Division is in Eric's office. Abyss is there and is scolded for messing things up. There's now a 225lb weight limit on the division. There's going to be a #1 contender gauntlet match next week. Aries sucks up to Eric a bit and gets to stay while everyone else leaves.
Here are the Jarretts in Mexican clothing. We get some clips of Triplemania where Jeff won the AAA Title (which is censored from the show). Jeff says this is all an act or something but it's real. Jeff needs to learn the nuances of Mexico and needs the endorsement of the Mexican people and for the Immortal Title. He's gone all over the Mexican cities (his words) and has gotten endorsed. He has the Lopez Brothers in the back to endorse him. They've done the landscaping for TNA since 2007.
It's implied that they're illegal aliens and their names are Jose and Jos-B. Say it out loud and you'll get the joke. They're both kind of short but it may be Jeff's sombrero. Jeff wants an endorsement but they don't speak English. They see Hector Guerrero in the Spanish announce table and FREAK, wanting him to come to the ring. Now they only know how to talk about Guerreros. Jeff beats them up but Hector comes out for the save. This was hilarious and one of the funniest things TNA has done in a LONG time.
Eric Young is still in Hollywood and is looking for Scott Baio. I give up.
Anderson, looking like a zombie with blood on his head still, is here again and comes into Immortal's locker room (complete with lockers) and gets jumped by Gunner. There's what sound like a beating with a chain that we don't see.
Matt Morgan comes out for commentary, now out of his sling.
Bound For Glory Series: Crimson vs. Bully Ray vs. Gunner vs. Scott Steiner
This gets big match intros because it's the last match. You have to tag in this. Ray starts it off but it's off to Gunner very quickly. Crimson takes over quickly and grabs the cravate for some knees to the head. Gunner takes him down and Ray wants in. Crimson gets up so Ray tags in Steiner. Scott beats him down and there are the push-ups. Gunner uses the numbers but Crimson gets things going and sends Gunner into Ray and rolls up Gunner for the pin at 5:07.
Post match Angle comes down and beats up Crimson, mainly going after the leg.
Results
Mickie James b. Madison Rayne Jumping DDT
Brian Kendrick b. Robbie E Sliced Bread #2
Beer Money b. AJ Styles/Rob Van Dam and D-Von/D'Angelo Dinero Fisherman's suplex to Dinero
Miss Tessmacher/Tara b. ODB/Jackie Rollup to Jackie
Crimson b. Scott Steiner, Bully Ray and Gunner Rollup to Gunner
Smackdown got a 1.8, down from last week's 2.0.
Monday Night Raw
Date: August 8, 2011
Location: HP Pavilion Arena, San Jose, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
It's the go home show for Summerslam and we have four matches scheduled. I'd expect a BIG push towards Cena vs. Punk which is really the only thing that has been built on the entire show. That's something this show needs though: a single match to build the whole thing around. Hopefully the card gets some meat on it tonight. Let's get to it.
Here's HHH to open the show. He says the usual stuff about Sunday: it's a huge match, it'll change WWE forever, he can only be trusted so he's the referee....all that jazz. Tonight we'll get the contract signing for the match at Summerslam. Both guys are in action tonight and Cena is up first.
John Cena vs. Jack Swagger
We get some clips of Cena talking to HHH during the entrance, saying that it's an ego thing. HHH says whatever he wants to happen in the ring on Sunday will happen. Swagger takes it to the mat quickly but stops to do his run around the ring. Cena proves to be smarter than the rest of Jack's opponents and levels him as he does it. The champ busts out a Stinger Splash in the corner and a dropkick for two.
Swagger takes over with a shoulder block and we hit a double chickenwing. Cena wakes up and takes Swagger down. The STF doesn't work so Cena starts up his finishing sequence instead. Not that any of that matters as he casually picks Swagger up for the Attitude Adjustment to end this clean at 5:30.
Rey vs. Punk later on.
The Wrestlemania Recall is Bret vs. Perfect in their classic from 1991.
Surprisingly enough it'll be Alberto facing Punk tonight. He talks about how Punk ran from him to end MITB so tonight we'll see what would have happened.
We recap Truth vs. Morrison which is what sent Truth over the edge. In the back Truth says he's a good R-Truth and Josh asks him why he would take advantage of Morrison. Truth says why a lot. Why do hot dogs come 8 to a pack when buns come 6 to a pack? Why does he hate spiders? He's glad Josh asked that. He hates them because they're small and silent. No one is friends with spiders. STOP WHATING ME! Truth talks about his grandmother getting vegetables together and making spider stew, but only Little Jimmy would eat it. Truth is crushing a spider later.
Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz
Miz jumps him during the entrance and beats him down. He throws him into the big WWE logo and kicks Rey's head into it. Referees take Rey out and Miz comes to the ring. Cole talks to Miz about what happened and there's no match. Miz wants to talk about his match on Sunday but he doesn't have one and he isn't happy. He's all over mainstream TV right now but he's got nothing going on Sunday. He wants to know why but he also wants a referee to come down here right now and declare him the winner by forfeit.
A referee comes out but won't raise the hand. Apparently HHH has made a new match.
The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston
Basics to start until Kofi gets a dropkick for two. Miz beats him down into the corner as Cole talks about how great Miz is. Ross talks about having diet cookies with skim milk and barbecue sauce. Kofi gets a Thesz Press and then a suicide dive to Miz on the floor. We take a break with Kofi being all fired up.
Back with Miz holding a chinlock. They trade some strikes and Kofi gets some near falls. Miz goes up and hits a double axe off the top. Kofi tries to speed up and tries a splash in the corner. Miz moves so Kofi jumps to the top and hits a spinning cross body for two that looked sweet. Miz tries a superplex but Kofi counters into a sunset bomb for two. This has gotten a lot better after the break. Trouble in Paradise misses but Miz can't hit the Finale. Miz drapes him over the top and hits the Finale to win at 10:45.
Punk says HHH needs to keep his nose out of the match and is doing this for his own ego. Punk beating Cena again is good for business. Oh and he'll beat Alberto.
Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk
Punk is almost turning face before our eyes. The fans are all behind him here even though they're on all sides of him. Feeling out period to start until Punk charges in the corner and hits his shoulder against the post. Alberto works on the arm as is his custom and the fans are still totally behind Punk. Del Rio tries something off the ropes but slips to the floor.
Punk gets going and hits the springboard clothesline for two. He tries the GTS but Alberto reverses and sends his shoulder into the post again. Alberto tries the cross armbreaker which is reversed into a big old kick upside his head. GTS hits and we're done clean at 4:45. Kind of surprised it ended that fast.
Beth Phoenix vs. Eve Torres
I wouldn't bet on this lasting long. Eve has a remix of her song which sucks. She does look good in green though. Beth beats on her a lot until Eve gets in a kick to the back. That gets her nowhere but a kick off the middle rope does. Eve goes up but gets dropped. Glam Slam and we're done at 2:56. Not long enough to rate but Beth looks good in black and Eve has great legs so this was far from a failure.
Post match Beth says she's going to change the Divas division, basically threatening to take out the sexuality. We're ignoring her MASSIVE cleavage here I guess. Kelly jumps her and stares her down.
Package on Miz and Cena at the Teen Choice Awards.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Alex Riley
Riley insults Vickie's breath pre match. Riley takes over quickly and gets a fast two. Vickie is SCREECHING. There's a sleeper very quickly but Alex breaks it. There's a spinebuster but Vickie is in the ring. She yells at him a lot and slaps him for the DQ at 1:30. That should set up a rematch for the title on Sunday.
Post match Alex punches Dolph, knocking him into Vickie.
Long recap of Punk vs. Cena, including a narrator about the things at MITB.
We run down the Summerslam card and there are still just four matches.
R-Truth vs. John Morrison
Morrison starts hammering away to start and the C4 hits a few seconds in. Morrison sends him to the floor and hits a big corkscrew plancha to the floor, taking out the referee in the process. This has been more of a beating/brawl than a match. John goes into the crowd and tries to climb onto the barrier.
Truth sweeps the leg and Morrison crashes onto the bacrricade on the back of his neck. Morrison dives in at the last second and is stomped down even more. Off to a chinlock which makes sense in this case. Jump downward spiral misses and here comes Jomo. The second attempts at the jumping spiral (NAME IT ALREADY) hits though and we're done at 4:00.
Next week Rey is using his rematch clause to face whoever the undisputed champion is in his hometown of San Diego.
Here's Christian to hype the world title match at Mania. Both of them will be fighting on Friday. Christian has an announcement on Friday and says it would be good for HHH to be there.
Time for the contract signing. Punk cuts HHH off by saying this is all for show. We might as well cut to the chase and flip the table over and brawl. He feels like he's on Conan O'Brien or something and is about to have a clip from his latest movie. He does however have a movie star to explain why he hates Cena. A real movie star that is, not the guy from the Chaperone.
It's a Rock promo which was released a few weeks ago. He basically makes fun of Cena's clothes and his entrances plus the dueling chants. Rock calls Cena a phony in this. After the clip, CM says that Dwayne is just as phony as Cena. Cena talks about how he likes it when guys like Rock and Punk talk about him.
Now it's time for some truth. Rock is a legit star and he has his millions. No matter what Cena says or how long they battle it out, he'll never win over the millions. He talks about how people say he needs to increase his workrate or add to the 5 moves of doom (his words not mine) or he needs to let his heel persona shine out. Cena talks about the Yankees line that Punk said last week and how he likes it now because it gets a reaction no matter what. He talks about Punk asking for all of those perks and says if he wants to see a phony, just look in the mirror.
HHH gets in on this and says that Punk more or less held out for more money and a few perks right? Punk goes off on Johnny Ace (he was here too by the way) and asks about the four releases on Friday, asking if any of those were to his face. Punk talks about winning his first title (ECW Title) and having Cena say good job and he had almost give up on Punk. This is an insult somehow.
Yes, Punk held the company up for more perks but everyone else would have also. Cena won his first title in Los Angeles and this Sunday he'll lose the WWE Championship. He'll still be a big star and have his fight with Dwayne, but he'll have nothing. Punk signs and Cena looks at him. He asks if Punk knows how much pressure is on him on Sunday. Punk won one match in Chicago.
Cena wants to know if Punk has thought about what happens if Punk loses at Summerslam. Punk isn't happy. Cena says win lose or draw he's facing The Rock at Mania. Punk however needs this match because now everyone is watching him. Everyone is listening to him now because that mic in his hands is a pipebomb. However if he loses, he's a one hit wonder.
He'll be known as Buster Douglas, Yahoo Serious (who?) and Milli Vanilli. If Punk loses, it's all gone. Cena signs and says good luck. Punk says luck is for losers and he'd rather be a one hit wonder than a phony. Cena says the talking is wearing a bit thin and both guys stand up. There go the belts and there goes the table. Johnny Ace splits them up so Punk fires a kick which hits Ace. HHH tries to split them up and Cena accidently hits/shoves him down. HHH isn't happy and Punk leaves. Punk wants to know if the fix is in.
Results
John Cena b. Jack Swagger Attitude Adjustment
The Miz b. Kofi Kingston Skull Crushing Finale
CM Punk b. Alberto Del Rio GTS
Beth Phoenix b. Eve Torres Glam Slam
Alex Riley b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Vickie Guerrero interfered
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.1, down from last week's 3.3.
NXT
Date: August 9, 2011
Location: Power Balance Pavilion, Sacramento, California
Commentators: Todd Grisham, William Regal
It's week....sweet mercy it's week 23 of this show. This show started over five months ago. Think about that for a minute. What were you doing five months ago? This same stuff has been going on that long. The NFL season doesn't run as long as the fifth season of this show. There hasn't been an elimination in over a month. It might seem like I'm rambling here to fill in space. That's because I am, as there's nothing else to talk about regarding this season. Let's get to it.
There's a challenge ready to go in the ring and Striker gets cut off by Young. It's something to do with eggs and spoons and finishing lines. Young says he's not doing it and I think I know where this is going. Young says that Striker is just a wannabe while Young is a superstar. Uh...right. The obvious match is made.
Kidd says he's facing Justin Gabriel tonight. Oh great now we're bringing in MORE people to fight against people that have nothing to do with the contest anymore. Kidd isn't afraid because he's a pro. He also compares himself to British Bulldog and Bret. Ok then.
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Tyson Kidd vs. Justin Gabriel
Regal points out that he wrestled Gabriel's father in South Africa. Also Gabriel was the first rookie to pin a pro. That pro: William Regal. They hit the mat quickly and fight for control. Kidd takes him down and fires off some kicks. We get a Lance Storm reference as Kidd has been training with him recently. Kidd keeps his advantage as we go to a break. Regal stutters a lot as Gabriel counteres an Asai Moonsault.
After telling us to buy the latest top stars of whatever decade DVD and that bullying is bad except when it makes money for the company, we're back with Kidd holding a chinlock. Kidd fires off some strikes and here's another chinlock. With Gabriel draped over the bottom rope, Kidd tries a slingshot legdrop but lands on the apron due to Gabriel moving. Here's the comeback and a spinwheel kick takes Tyson down. Roaring Elbow gets two. Kidd avoids the 450 but Justin doesn't crash. Kidd goes to the floor and Gabriel hits a kick through the ropes and a corkscrew plancha.
Gabriel tries a springboard cross body but Kidd rolls through for two. They go to the mat again and get into a weird position. Justin grabs some kind of chinlock with his knee up but Kidd makes the rope. Kidd gets out of the way of another 450 and crotches Gabriel. Big kick sets up a springboard rana for two.
Gabriel grabs a sunset flip for two and we get a double leg nelson analysis from Regal. Kidd picks the leg and it's off to a half crab (taken from Storm according to Regal). Justin rolls through into a pinning combination for two. Kidd gets his head taken off and Gabriel goes up but Kidd is in the middle of the ring. This isn't a problem though and the 450 ends this at 14:45. That was impressive.
Darren Young vs. Matt Striker
Striker has tights with his name on them now. I'm so glad he didn't have those last week. Striker takes him down and hammers away almost immediately. Regal says he trained Striker (partially) on one of his off days. Dave Taylor is the one that really trained him though, also according to Regal. Young takes him to the apron and gets a neckbreaker out there which gets two back inside.
Off to the chinlock and then he rams the arm into the post a few times. Young snaps off a belly to belly suplex and Striker lands on his head. Young hooks an armbar because he's worked on the neck so far and he's pretty stupid. Striker is bleeding from the nose and grabs something like a Gory Bomb. And never mind as Young grabs a fireman's carry and drops backwards to drive both knees into the ribs for the pin at 4:50.
We get the same long recap of Punk vs. Cena from last night.
Daniel Bryan is actually here and talks to Bateman. Bateman is playing some video game against Cena. Bryan turns off the TV and says that Bateman has been making a fool of himself lately. Until he figures that out, he's on his own. That means we have one pro left of the three and he's a leprechaun.
Titus O'Neil vs. Derrick Bateman
The bell rings and the crowd goes SILENT. Titus hammers away early on but Bateman gets something like a standing blockbuster for two. Dropkick to the ribs gets two. Off to another chinlock which is broken up by Titus. The crowd is just not caring at all. Backbreaker puts Bateman down but Titus can't follow up. Bateman picks him up and falls down, letting Titus get the pin at 3:30.
Post match Bateman goes after the Leprechaun but gets taken down and there's a Tadpole Splash.
Results
Justin Gabriel b. Tyson Kidd 450
Darren Young b. Matt Striker Fireman's carry into a gutbuster
Titus O'Neil b. Derrick Bateman Pin after Bateman fell during a slam
Wednesday
Nothing significant.
Thursday
Heath Slater has been accused of assaulting a woman at Wrestlemania, with an emphasis on accused. No other details yet for the most part.
Jimmy Yang is alleging the check TNA gave him bounced. No word on this being true or not but why would he make up something like this?
Impact Wrestling
Date: August 11, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
It's the show after Hardcore Justice which last year was the Whole F'N Show but this year is more of an explanation show. Angle turned heel (it seems) on Sunday by hitting Sting with a chair to win the title. Hogan was there also but there was no evidence that he was combined with Angle. It should be interesting as we're getting close to BFG time which could be rather shaky indeed. Let's get to it.
We open with a clip from after the PPV ended and Angle says he took an opportunity which is something Sting would have done as well. We also get some stills from the match which shows Angle using the chair but Hogan not being involved. Kurt is champion now and he'll take it like he did.
Here's Immortal including Abyss to open the show. Anderson stays a few feet behind Ray and is the last in line. Ray is the mouthpiece as usual and says that Abyss is becoming a huge disappointment. He wants to know if Abyss seriously lost to AJ at the PPV. Abyss is on thin ice with Bischoff. Tonight there's a fatal fourway in the BFG Series with three Immortal members and Crimson. Ray says he's winning the series and winning the title.
On to Anderson now and Ray doesn't like him. However he was impressed by the beating Anderson took on Sunday. Anderson belongs in Immortal and Immortal can benefit from having him. They need to put their problems aside though because it's about Ray being world champion and Immortal taking over TNA and all that jazz.
He sticks his hand out to Anderson but Anderson laughs and doesn't shake it. Ray yells at Anderson for not taking him seriously and the fight is on. Steiner tries to break it up so Anderson beats him up too. Gunner and Abyss get in a shot and a kind of weak beatdown is on. Ray loads up the chain and blasts Anderson with it to leave him laying. Anderson is bleeding and Ray says get him up again. Security comes down and gets beaten up to. The TNA agents come out and Immortal leaves. Didn't see that coming. He's taken out on a stretcher as we go to a break.
Back and Anderson doesn't want to be on the stretcher but he's taken to the hospital.
Bischoff apologizes to the team for bringing Anderson in. Ray says it's ok. Eric says Hogan is coming here as is Angle. He doesn't know what's going on with Kurt though. Abyss says we'll be ready. Eric doesn't like the term we.
Madison Rayne vs. Mickie James
Winner is #1 contender to Winter. The mist from Sunday is now called blood. Oh and Mickie is fine. She tries to grab a rollup like she did at Lockdown. Madison gets on the mat and kind of kicks at Mickie who is just standing there. Now she throws what looked like a bracelet to James and while the referee isn't looking goes for the eyes. Madison tries the hump the mat thing but Mickie counters into a rollup with a nice view. Spinning seated dropkick gets two. Mickie nips up and the Thesz Press off the top. With Madison's tiara on the jumping DDT ends this at 3:00.
Angle is here.
Robbie E vs. Brian Kendrick
Austin Aries is on commentary. Non-title here I think. Robbie jumps Kendrick while the music is still playing. We're on a chinlock less than a minute in. Kendrick gets sent to the floor and Cookie steps on his head a bit. Robbie yells at her for some reason. Back inside now and they slug it out with Kendrick winning. He fires off a bunch of forearms but Sliced Bread is broken up. Cookie sprays the hairspray into Robbie's eyes (referee is like cool, whatever) and Sliced Bread ends this at 2:43. This was fine.
D-Von and Pope are talking and Pope gets a text from someone congratulating them on their match. D-Von congratulates Pope on the win but says if he cheats him tonight it'll be a beating. Pope says let's go win but D-Von doesn't trust him still.
The Jarretts are here with Mexican clothing on.
Robbie yells at Cookie post break and there's a lot of cursing. Cookie blames him, Robbie blames her, they say it's over.
Bound For Glory Standings
Crimson 43
James Storm 33
Devon 30
Gunner 28
Bully Ray 28
Bobby Roode 28
Rob van Dam 25
Matt Morgan 24 (injured)
AJ Styles 21
D'Angelo Dinero 17
Scott Steiner 14
Samoa Joe -10
Bound For Glory Series: Beer Money vs. AJ Styles/Rob Van Dam vs. D-Von/D'Angelo Dinero
Rob's left hand is taped. Christopher Daniels pops up on commentary and the match starts after a break. After the break (complete with the mini screen of Daniels talking) he challenges AJ to a rematch from Destination X. After issuing the challenge he leaves. D-Von starts with RVD and it's off to Pope quickly. AJ comes in in a Lockdown 2010 rematch. Storm is tagged in and tried to steal a pin but AJ breaks it up.
D-Von and Pope work well together, resulting in a two count for D-Von on Storm. Storm goes up to the middle rope and hits an elbow, allowing Roode to get the tag. Spinebuster gets two on Pope but Van Dam saves. Beer Money, being the only real team in this, double teams the best as things quickly break down. AJ comes in with the forearm but D-Von takes him down with a spinebuster/chokeslam. Pope and D-Von clear the ring and set for something on AJ but D-Von takes Pope out by mistake. Roode comes in and a fisherman's suplex pins Pope at 5:00.
Angle is up next.
Angle thanks the fans for their caring about the PPV. This isn't about him joining the dark side or anything like that. He thanks Sting also. This is about Karen and Jeff and the marriage stuff. Someone that isn't a wrestler called him and told him not to blame Karen or Jeff. There was a third party that caused the divorce, and that was Dixie Carter.
He went to Carter three years ago and was told that she knew nothing of the affair. The third party (the person that called him) told Kurt about this. Carter lied to prevent a media disaster and Kurt didn't kill Jeff to prevent one also. This is the beginning of him keeping Carter from coming back and he's going to stop all of the young talent to keep her away.
Angle goes to leave but Sting pops up on Kurt's riser in the stage. Kurt holds up the chair for defense but Sting knocks it away with the bat. Angle drops down to his knees and Hogan comes out and cracks Sting with the chair. Angle says Hogan was the informant that told him about all of the affair and Carter's lies. Hogan wears him out with the chair. He throws Sting in the ring (Sting in jeans is a weird sight) and beats him down with fists. Kurt comes in and Hogan raises Kurt's arm.
Video on BFG being in Philadelphia and how this is the most important show of the year.
ODB/Jackie vs. Tara/Miss Tessmacher
There's a Tessmacher chant as she and Jackie start us off. Tessmacher takes her down with a dropkick and it's off to Tara who gets a sunset flip for two. Off to Tessmacher who does her stupid thing in the corner. Tara vs. Jackie now and a side blockbuster gets two for Tara. We get about the fourth headlock of the match and Tara avoids some cheating. Off to ODB now and Jackie won't let her throw a punch. Tara gets a superplex to slow ODB down and everything breaks down. Jackie and ODB set for a stomping but Jackie says no. Brooke (her official first name now) takes the heels down and rolls up Jackie for the pin at 5:20.
A bunch of guys are outside Bischoff's office.
The X-Division is in Eric's office. Abyss is there and is scolded for messing things up. There's now a 225lb weight limit on the division. There's going to be a #1 contender gauntlet match next week. Aries sucks up to Eric a bit and gets to stay while everyone else leaves.
Here are the Jarretts in Mexican clothing. We get some clips of Triplemania where Jeff won the AAA Title (which is censored from the show). Jeff says this is all an act or something but it's real. Jeff needs to learn the nuances of Mexico and needs the endorsement of the Mexican people and for the Immortal Title. He's gone all over the Mexican cities (his words) and has gotten endorsed. He has the Lopez Brothers in the back to endorse him. They've done the landscaping for TNA since 2007.
It's implied that they're illegal aliens and their names are Jose and Jos-B. Say it out loud and you'll get the joke. They're both kind of short but it may be Jeff's sombrero. Jeff wants an endorsement but they don't speak English. They see Hector Guerrero in the Spanish announce table and FREAK, wanting him to come to the ring. Now they only know how to talk about Guerreros. Jeff beats them up but Hector comes out for the save. This was hilarious and one of the funniest things TNA has done in a LONG time.
Eric Young is still in Hollywood and is looking for Scott Baio. I give up.
Anderson, looking like a zombie with blood on his head still, is here again and comes into Immortal's locker room (complete with lockers) and gets jumped by Gunner. There's what sound like a beating with a chain that we don't see.
Matt Morgan comes out for commentary, now out of his sling.
Bound For Glory Series: Crimson vs. Bully Ray vs. Gunner vs. Scott Steiner
This gets big match intros because it's the last match. You have to tag in this. Ray starts it off but it's off to Gunner very quickly. Crimson takes over quickly and grabs the cravate for some knees to the head. Gunner takes him down and Ray wants in. Crimson gets up so Ray tags in Steiner. Scott beats him down and there are the push-ups. Gunner uses the numbers but Crimson gets things going and sends Gunner into Ray and rolls up Gunner for the pin at 5:07.
Post match Angle comes down and beats up Crimson, mainly going after the leg.
Results
Mickie James b. Madison Rayne Jumping DDT
Brian Kendrick b. Robbie E Sliced Bread #2
Beer Money b. AJ Styles/Rob Van Dam and D-Von/D'Angelo Dinero Fisherman's suplex to Dinero
Miss Tessmacher/Tara b. ODB/Jackie Rollup to Jackie
Crimson b. Scott Steiner, Bully Ray and Gunner Rollup to Gunner