klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Smackdown got a 1.99, up from last week.
Monday Night Raw
Date: August 5, 2013
Location: Resch Center, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield
We're back live this week after last week's not so great taped show. No matches have been announced for tonight that I can remember but there will be Daniel Bryan's corporate makeover. We're rapidly approaching Summerslam and there are only three matches announced. Odds are we'll get a lot of stuff added on tonight and Friday so let's get to it.
Here's Stephanie to open the show. She talks about Bryan's corporate makeover and gives us a video of him being fitted in a suit and having his hair cleaned up. Back in the arena and the fans chant NO. Here's the improved Bryan in a suit with a ponytail and a beard. He isn't sure how the fans like it but he doesn't think this is what the company wants. They clearly want someone in cargo shorts and a yellow t-shirt who will sell a bunch of stuff the people don't need.
Bryan talks about how Cena has been on the top of the mountain for ten years now because he's an entertainer, but Bryan is a wrestler. If Cena was fired he'd go back to his mansion and cars and would never have to wrestle again. If Bryan were to be fired tomorrow, he'd be in every armory and gym because that's what he loves to do. The fans cheer and Bryan thinks they love wrestling too. Bryan says he'll dress up for now but at Summerslam, he's going to make John Cena tap out like everyone wants him to do.
This brings out Vince who says he appreciates Stephanie's efforts and thinks Bryan has given it the old college try but it's not perfect. Vince talks about how he doesn't want Bryan or Cena to be champion because we've never had a dwarf as champion. Bryan is so unkempt that he looks like a miniature Mick Foley but maybe we can work something out. There's one final thing that needs to go though: the beard. Vince calls for the barber's chair but Bryan says no. The boss talks about how Bryan will do this if he wants to be WWE Champion and this is the first step.
Bryan gets out of the ring and takes off the suit jacket but Vince says we need a barber. The barber is going to be....Wade Barrett? Wade gets ready to shave him but Bryan jumps him and shaves off Wade's beard (or at least half of it) before sending Barrett into the crowd. Bryan says he won't change for Vince because he's going to be who he is and then be WWE champion. He takes off the shirt to reveal a t-shirt saying The Beard Is Here with an arrow pointing up. Vince is ticked.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Rob Van Dam
Miz is on commentary. Non-title again and Ricardo is back, a week earlier than the reported return date. Del Rio attacks to start but Van Dam fires back with forearms to the jaw. A standing moonsault gets two and Del Rio rolls to the floor, only to have Rob hit a moonsault off the apron as we take a break. Back with Van Dam blocking a shot into the buckle and kicking Del Rio down.
Rolling Thunder misses and Alberto's low superkick gets two. Alberto misses his running enziguri in the corner and Van Dam kicks him down before. Rolling Thunder connects for two but the split legged moonsault hits knees. Ricardo puts the bucket in the corner but it's Alberto being sent face first into it, giving Van Dam a rollup for the pin at 6:14. Not long enough shown to rate but did we really need this loss?
Post match Del Rio superkicks Ricardo and hits him with the bucket before crushing him between the steps and the post.
Here's Cody Rhodes in the ring to talk about Sandow jumping him from behind last week. He has a present for Sandow in a box but first, we look at their issues over the past few weeks. Back in the arena and Cody opens the box: the crushed briefcase, complete with seaweed hanging off the side. Here's Damien himself to say put the case down and walk away. Cody puts it down but charges at Sandow and the fight is on. Cody kicks him to the floor and opens the case to reveal the actual contract. Rhodes puts it back in the case and throws it back at Sandow who doesn't pick it up.
Ryback vs. Mark Henry
They stare each other down and Ryback grabs a headlock to start. Henry runs him over with a shoulder but Ryback goes after Henry's knee. Mark comes back and knocks Ryback to the floor.....and Ryback walks out at 1:46. Thanks for this one guys.
The Bellas are arguing over who looked better on Total Divas. Eva Marie comes up to laugh about how they made Natalya look stupid last week. Natalya comes up and slaps a Bella, likely setting up a match later.
Here's Cena with something to say. Cena says he's used to being a target but most of the time the people are just mad at him. Every once in awhile though he has to face a true fan favorite, which means the people have to choose. He's been listening to the people and it's obvious the fans Daniel Bryan. Cena heard what the people said and he doesn't blame them.
He also heard what Daniel Bryan said earlier and it made Daniel Bryan sound ignorant. Daniel Bryan said the same things that The Rock and CM Punk and everyone else who doesn't like the color of Cena's shirt or the kind of cereal he eats. Cena was back a day after breaking his neck and his elbow looks like a football but he's here because he loves it.
Bryan talked about wrestling in armories and gyms because that's where he's most comfortable. Daniel was right that if Cena was fired tomorrow he'd never wrestle again because he wouldn't settle for anything but the best and he wouldn't tarnish the WWE by going elsewhere. Cena has heard people tell him he can't wrestle for years and he knows what it sounds like. He's been WWE Champion 11 times and that's too many times to be lucky. Cena thinks the fans want to see Bryan vs. Cena right now and there's the YES chant.
This is a huge match for Bryan and if he wins, he's earned the WWE Championship, but if he loses he has to admit that he's not good enough. Bryan is on fire but Cena has been mowing people down since January. At Summerslam the people can cheer for whomever they want, but Cena is walking out champion. Excellent stuff here that sets up the dynamic of the match perfectly.
Cena drops the mic but here's Orton. He talks about how Cena is always aware of the target on his back but he never remembers the target in front of his face. The briefcase is what matters because it means Orton will be WWE Champion. It could happen at Summerslam, it could happen the night after, or it could happen at Wrestlemania. All it means is that the champ is here, not with Cena.
Cue Shield of all people as things get even more interesting. They surround the stars but here's Bryan (still in the ponytail) for the save. Shield runs off now that the odds are even but it's GM time, with Maddox making the six man main event. When did Maddox shrink and become a bald black man?
Wyatt Family vs. Tons of Funk
Harper starts with Tensai and shouts yeah a lot. A big boot puts Tensai down and it's off to Rowan for forearms in the corner but he runs into an elbow. Tensai puts him down with a clothesline and everything breaks down with Rowan running Brodus down. Harper's discus lariat sets up a splash from Rowan to pin Tensai at 1:20.
Post match Bray gets in and hits Sister Abigail on Brodus before grabbing a mic. He says Kane isn't a monster but rather an illusion. The demon is a lie but he himself is much different. He's the man of 1000 truths and the eater of worlds. He is forever and follow the buzzards. Wyatt kneels over Brodus but Kane's pyro lights up the arena.
On screen, Kane says that when you pull the wings off a buzzard, they're impossible to follow. He sees through Bray's words and sees that Bray is here to maim everyone in his path. Kane likes that and does them as well, but he does them for amusement, not to spread a message. Bray will find out why Kane is the devil's favorite demon at Summerslam. Not the Family nor anyone else can save Wyatt from the ring of fire. Fire shoots out of the posts and Bray drops to his knees in laughter.
Punk is in the back and wants to talk about Curtis Axel's dad Mr. Perfect and Bobby Heenan. The difference between those two and Axel/Heyman is Perfect had his own thoughts when he was on screen with Heenan. The younger version having Heyman as his guide is going to earn him a beating tonight. After that, Punk is going to take the Beast's manhood away, just like he promised.
Kaitlyn vs. Layla
Thankfully Layla hasn't dropped the shorts. Layla says she turned on Kaitlyn for the attention and she's coming for all the regular divas and the Total Divas. Kaitlyn takes her down to start and pounds away so Layla runs to the ropes. The referee pulls Kaitlyn away, allowing Layla to take over with a DDT. Layla chokes away in the corner and slams Kaitlyn face first into the mat. She charges into a backbreaker though and Kailtyn starts her comeback. The gutbuster puts Kaitlyn down but here's AJ to distract Kaitlyn from the spear. Layla bails to the apron but an AJ distraction lets Layla kick Kaitlyn in the head for the pin at 2:59.
Kaitlyn and Layla skip around the ring post match. Apparently that kick is called the Bombshell.
We recap Cody and Sandow's issues from earlier. Cody vs. Sandow is official for Summerslam.
Christian vs. Heath Slater
Christian sends him into 619 position but can't uppercut Slater because of the other Band members. Slater takes over with some forearms to the chest and it's off to the chinlock. Slater jumps off the middle rope and lands on Christian's boot and a flapjack sets up a middle rope dropkick for two for Christian. Slater is knocked to the apron and backdropped back inside so the sunset flip out of the corner can get two. Slater stops to dance but gets caught by the spear for the pin at 3:15.
CM Punk vs. Curtis Axel
Non-title of course. Punk charges up the ramp before the bell and the brawl starts near the stage. Punk keeps trying to get to Heyman who has gone backstage. They head to the ring with Punk in control and the bell rings. Axel takes over with some chops but Punk takes him down into an Indian Deathlock of all things. Before he falls down with the hold, Punk spits in the air and tries to slap it away ala Mr. Perfect and the gum. Axel rolls to the floor and gets caught with the suicide dive as we take a break.
Back with Axel cranking on an armbar and elbowing Punk in the face for two. A middle rope elbow sets up another chinlock from Axel as Heyman comes back to ringside. Punk finally rolls out of the hold and crawls over at Heyman, only to be clotheslined down for two. Punk comes back with a spinning cross body out of the corner but a Heyman distraction lets Curtis take over. CM comes back with a kick to the head and the running knee in the corner but Curtis breaks up the Macho Elbow. The McGillicutter gets two but Punk kicks Axel in the head again. Not that it matters as he goes after Heyman, drawing a DQ at 10:22.
Post match here's Lesnar but Axel pulls Punk to the floor. Punk takes him down with a GTS and grabs a chair but brock takes it away. Punk fires off forearms and kicks to the head to stagger Brock and a flying forearm off the table takes Brock down. Not that it matters as Lesnar casually grabs him and throws him down with a belly to belly. They head inside but Punk escapes the F5 and hits Brock in the back with the chair. Heyman is in the ring and drops to his knees in terror but Lesnar takes the chair away from Punk and lays him out with the F5. Brock nails Punk in the back with the chair for good measure.
After a break Lesnar wants to know if that's the best the world has to offer. Heyman says next week, he's going to the ring and giving Punk a chance at a man vs. man fight.
Fandango vs. Kofi Kingston
Kofi is much skinnier and is in long tights now. Fandango takes over quickly to start and takes Kofi down as the announcers talk about ballet. A quick chinlock sets up a dropkick to Kofi but a middle rope knee drop misses. Kofi comes back with a dropkick and the Boom Drop but Fandango bails from Trouble in Paradise. Fandango gets in a kick of his own but misses the legdrop, allowing Kofi to get two off a cross body. Trouble in Paradise is good for the pin at 3:43.
HHH is in the office when Stephanie comes in crying. Vince hated the segment and HHH goes NUTS, ranting and raving about how Vince is no longer a creative genius and goes on his own whims. HHH isn't going to stand by and watch the ship go down and he's going to do something about Vince.
Real Americans vs. Usos
Colter resorts to making fun of cheese and the Green Bay Packers to get heat. Jey runs over Swagger for two to start but gets caught in the powerslam/belly to belly for two. Off to Cesaro for a double stomp for two more before Jack comes in with a shoulder to the leg. Swagger finally misses the Vader Bomb and it's hot tag to Jimmy. Everything breaks down and Jimmy hits a big dive to take Swagger out. Cesaro jumps into part of a superkick but gets out at two. A Colter distraction lets Cesaro hit a quick Neturalizer for the pin on Jimmy at 3:52.
Big E. Langston vs. Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler hits a quick dropkick for one and gets out of a gorilla press, only to be knocked off the apron and out to the floor. Back in and Langston puts on an abdominal stretch for a big. Big E. misses a charge into the post and Ziggler snaps off a quick Stinger Splash and a neckbreaker for two. Ziggler tries to speed things up but gets caught in a drop into a backbreaker to put him down. Langston misses a splash and Dolph mostly misses a Fameasser for two. Kaitlyn comes out to go after AJ because that feud hasn't gone on long enough. The girls get in the ring and Big E. runs Dolph over. Big Ending and we're done at 4:14.
John Cena/Daniel Bryan/Randy Orton vs. Shield
The bell rings at 10:59 so don't expect much from this one. Orton starts with Rollins and it's Seth in early trouble. A suplex puts him down and it's off to Bryan with a middle rope dropkick but Ambrose gets the tag. That's cool with Bryan as he runs Dean over with a clothesline and sends him to the floor for the FLYING GOAT.
Reigns gets in a shot on the floor to take over and it's Bryan as your face in peril. Rollins hooks a chinlock before it's off to Roman for some power. A double gutbuster gets two on Bryan but he charges over for the tag to Cena....but the referee doesn't see it. Everything breaks down anyway and Bryan gets the YES Lock on Rollins, drawing in the other Shield members for the DQ at 5:26.
Post match Orton lays out Bryan with an RKO but has to help Cena clear the ring. Shield runs and there's an RKO to Cena. Orton GETS THE BRIEFCASE but Shield comes down and beats up Cena and Bryan even more. Orton walks away in a heelish move and Bryan takes a TripleBomb to end the show.
Results
Rob Van Dam b. Alberto Del Rio Rolling Cradle
Mark Henry b. Ryback via countout
Wyatt Family b. Tons of Funk Splash to Clay
Layla b. Kaitlyn Bombshell Kick
Christian b. Alberto Del Rio Spear
Kofi Kingston b. Fandango Trouble in Paradise
Real Americans b. Usos Neutralizer to Jimmy Uso
Big E. Langston b. Dolph Ziggler Big Ending
Randy Orton/John Cena/Daniel Bryan b. Shield via DQ when Ambrose and Reigns wouldn't leave the ring
Tuesday
Raw got a 2.96, up from last week.
Wednesday
NXT
Date: August 7, 2013
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Alex Riley
Tonight is a big night on NXT as we have a double main event. Dean Ambrose is defending his US Title against Adrian Neville and Bo Dallas is defending the NXT Title against Leo Kruger. Tonight sounds like it's going to be focusing on in ring action instead of storytelling which should make for a good show. Let's get to it.
The opening video talks about what we're getting tonight. There's also a dance off between Emma and Summer Rae.
Before the first match we're told that Tyler Breeze IS IN THE BUILDING! WOO!
US Title: Adrian Neville vs. Dean Ambrose
Neville is an NXT Tag Team Champion but for the sake of clarity only Ambrose will be referred to as champion. Dean shoves him into the corner to start but Neville shoves him right back. Adrian fires off kicks in the corner but Dean rubs forearms across his face to escape. A headscissors puts the champion down for a second but he pops up, flips forward across the ring and comes out of the corner with a cross body for two.
Neville hooks an armbar but Dean smacks him in the face to escape. Adrian comes back with a quick slam and loads up the Red Arrow but Dean gets away before it launches. Out to the floor they go and Ambrose clotheslines him down as we take a break. Back with Dean dropping an elbow for two and ramming a knee to the ribs. A running dropkick to the chest gets two for the champion and it's off to a surfboard hold.
Dean chops away and sends him across the ring in a hard whip. A belly to belly suplex gets two and we hit the chinlock. Back up and Adrian hits a hard forearm before avoiding a charge in the corner. A high cross body gets two and a quick running hurricanrana sends Dean to the outside. Neville hits a BIG corkscrew dive to take Dean out and there's the Red Arrow but Shield runs in for the DQ at 8:20 shown of 10:05.
Post match the Shield beats Neville down but Corey Graves and Xavier Woods make the save.
Enzo Amore and Colin Cassidy come up to Scott Dawson and Sylvester Lefort to offer encouragement before Dawson's match with Mason Ryan. Lefort and Dawson leave and the same guy who was making faces behind Breeze last week does a fist pump behind Amore and Cassidy.
Time for the dance contest and you should already know what's coming here. It's exactly what you would expect: Summer does classically trained dance moves, Emma responds with stuff like the Running Man and the Chicken Dance and gets YES chants. They keep this one fast paced though with the music never stopping and several back and forth dances. Summer says stop the music and is told she got served.
She wants her real music and does the Fandango, instantly winning over the crowd. Emma says play her music, takes off the t-shirt she was wearing to reveal her usual attire and does her dance to win the contest. Apparently this makes Emma #1 contender. Summer attacks her after losing as you would expect. This ran longer than I would have expected at about six minutes, but it was much more entertaining than most WWE dance offs. They kept this moving fast enough that it never got stupid which is where WWE falls off. Also it doesn't hurt that Emma and Summer look like they do as opposed to say, Vickie.
Leo Kruger promo, talking about being laughed at as a kid. Tonight when he wins the NXT Title, people will be laughing at Bo Dallas instead.
Danny Burch vs. Tyler Breeze
Breeze comes to the ring like he's walking a runway and with camera shots straight out of Zoolander. The fans think the entrance was awesome. The bell rings twice for some reason and Burch comes out swinging. Breeze ducks most of the shots and hits a quick enziguri. After taking some pictures of himself it's the spinwheel kick for the pin at 42 seconds. Breeze is so over the top that he's awesome.
Breeze lays on Burch to take another picture.
Bo Dallas finally starts acting like a heel by patronizing Renee Young, saying Cesaro has a bright future. Also the loss last week is on Sami Zayn for not being in there as a champion. Dallas claims to be a former tag team champion and doesn't remember filling in for an injury. We get a few bars of Don't Stop Bo-lieveing and he walks off. THIS is the kind of character he needs to be, not whatever he's been doing for a few weeks now.
Graves/Neville/Woods vs. Shield and Mason Ryan vs. Scott Dawson next week.
Tyler Breeze has LEFT the building.
NXT Title: Bo Dallas vs. Leo Kruger
Dallas can go up about 85 levels on the heel scale if he records Don't Stop Bo-lieving as his entrance music. Kruger goes straight to the floor to start but suckers Bo into an attack in the corner. The fans are entirely behind Kruger here as you would expect in a Bo Dallas match. Bo comes back with some dropkicks and a cross body followed by a northern lights suplex for two. We hit an armbar on Kruger as the fans chant boring. Kruger fights him off and sends Bo to the floor for a baseball slide as we take a break.
Back with Leo whipping Bo hard into the corner for two. A snap suplex gets the same and Kruger drives in elbows to the head. Dallas breaks up a superplex attempt and scores with a middle rope clothesline. Fans: YOU STILL SUCK! Some clotheslines put Leo down but a tornado bulldog is only good for two. A reverse DDT gets two more and Bo pounds on Leo in the corner, basically turning heel mid match.
Kruger starts Hulking Up and fires off right hands of his own followed by a spinebuster for no cover. The Slice connects for two and Kruger puts on the GC3 but Bo FINALLY makes a rope. Kruger pounds away but his top rope splash hits knees. Dallas wraps his leg around Leo's head and cranks on the arm in a kneeling submission hold, drawing the tap out at 8:36 shown of 11:14.
Results
Adrian Neville b. Dean Ambrose via DQ when Shield interfered
Tyler Breeze b. Danny Burch Spinwheel Kick
Bo Dallas b. Leo Kruger Kneeling Elbow Submission
Smackdown got a 1.99, up from last week.
Monday Night Raw
Date: August 5, 2013
Location: Resch Center, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield
We're back live this week after last week's not so great taped show. No matches have been announced for tonight that I can remember but there will be Daniel Bryan's corporate makeover. We're rapidly approaching Summerslam and there are only three matches announced. Odds are we'll get a lot of stuff added on tonight and Friday so let's get to it.
Here's Stephanie to open the show. She talks about Bryan's corporate makeover and gives us a video of him being fitted in a suit and having his hair cleaned up. Back in the arena and the fans chant NO. Here's the improved Bryan in a suit with a ponytail and a beard. He isn't sure how the fans like it but he doesn't think this is what the company wants. They clearly want someone in cargo shorts and a yellow t-shirt who will sell a bunch of stuff the people don't need.
Bryan talks about how Cena has been on the top of the mountain for ten years now because he's an entertainer, but Bryan is a wrestler. If Cena was fired he'd go back to his mansion and cars and would never have to wrestle again. If Bryan were to be fired tomorrow, he'd be in every armory and gym because that's what he loves to do. The fans cheer and Bryan thinks they love wrestling too. Bryan says he'll dress up for now but at Summerslam, he's going to make John Cena tap out like everyone wants him to do.
This brings out Vince who says he appreciates Stephanie's efforts and thinks Bryan has given it the old college try but it's not perfect. Vince talks about how he doesn't want Bryan or Cena to be champion because we've never had a dwarf as champion. Bryan is so unkempt that he looks like a miniature Mick Foley but maybe we can work something out. There's one final thing that needs to go though: the beard. Vince calls for the barber's chair but Bryan says no. The boss talks about how Bryan will do this if he wants to be WWE Champion and this is the first step.
Bryan gets out of the ring and takes off the suit jacket but Vince says we need a barber. The barber is going to be....Wade Barrett? Wade gets ready to shave him but Bryan jumps him and shaves off Wade's beard (or at least half of it) before sending Barrett into the crowd. Bryan says he won't change for Vince because he's going to be who he is and then be WWE champion. He takes off the shirt to reveal a t-shirt saying The Beard Is Here with an arrow pointing up. Vince is ticked.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Rob Van Dam
Miz is on commentary. Non-title again and Ricardo is back, a week earlier than the reported return date. Del Rio attacks to start but Van Dam fires back with forearms to the jaw. A standing moonsault gets two and Del Rio rolls to the floor, only to have Rob hit a moonsault off the apron as we take a break. Back with Van Dam blocking a shot into the buckle and kicking Del Rio down.
Rolling Thunder misses and Alberto's low superkick gets two. Alberto misses his running enziguri in the corner and Van Dam kicks him down before. Rolling Thunder connects for two but the split legged moonsault hits knees. Ricardo puts the bucket in the corner but it's Alberto being sent face first into it, giving Van Dam a rollup for the pin at 6:14. Not long enough shown to rate but did we really need this loss?
Post match Del Rio superkicks Ricardo and hits him with the bucket before crushing him between the steps and the post.
Here's Cody Rhodes in the ring to talk about Sandow jumping him from behind last week. He has a present for Sandow in a box but first, we look at their issues over the past few weeks. Back in the arena and Cody opens the box: the crushed briefcase, complete with seaweed hanging off the side. Here's Damien himself to say put the case down and walk away. Cody puts it down but charges at Sandow and the fight is on. Cody kicks him to the floor and opens the case to reveal the actual contract. Rhodes puts it back in the case and throws it back at Sandow who doesn't pick it up.
Ryback vs. Mark Henry
They stare each other down and Ryback grabs a headlock to start. Henry runs him over with a shoulder but Ryback goes after Henry's knee. Mark comes back and knocks Ryback to the floor.....and Ryback walks out at 1:46. Thanks for this one guys.
The Bellas are arguing over who looked better on Total Divas. Eva Marie comes up to laugh about how they made Natalya look stupid last week. Natalya comes up and slaps a Bella, likely setting up a match later.
Here's Cena with something to say. Cena says he's used to being a target but most of the time the people are just mad at him. Every once in awhile though he has to face a true fan favorite, which means the people have to choose. He's been listening to the people and it's obvious the fans Daniel Bryan. Cena heard what the people said and he doesn't blame them.
He also heard what Daniel Bryan said earlier and it made Daniel Bryan sound ignorant. Daniel Bryan said the same things that The Rock and CM Punk and everyone else who doesn't like the color of Cena's shirt or the kind of cereal he eats. Cena was back a day after breaking his neck and his elbow looks like a football but he's here because he loves it.
Bryan talked about wrestling in armories and gyms because that's where he's most comfortable. Daniel was right that if Cena was fired tomorrow he'd never wrestle again because he wouldn't settle for anything but the best and he wouldn't tarnish the WWE by going elsewhere. Cena has heard people tell him he can't wrestle for years and he knows what it sounds like. He's been WWE Champion 11 times and that's too many times to be lucky. Cena thinks the fans want to see Bryan vs. Cena right now and there's the YES chant.
This is a huge match for Bryan and if he wins, he's earned the WWE Championship, but if he loses he has to admit that he's not good enough. Bryan is on fire but Cena has been mowing people down since January. At Summerslam the people can cheer for whomever they want, but Cena is walking out champion. Excellent stuff here that sets up the dynamic of the match perfectly.
Cena drops the mic but here's Orton. He talks about how Cena is always aware of the target on his back but he never remembers the target in front of his face. The briefcase is what matters because it means Orton will be WWE Champion. It could happen at Summerslam, it could happen the night after, or it could happen at Wrestlemania. All it means is that the champ is here, not with Cena.
Cue Shield of all people as things get even more interesting. They surround the stars but here's Bryan (still in the ponytail) for the save. Shield runs off now that the odds are even but it's GM time, with Maddox making the six man main event. When did Maddox shrink and become a bald black man?
Wyatt Family vs. Tons of Funk
Harper starts with Tensai and shouts yeah a lot. A big boot puts Tensai down and it's off to Rowan for forearms in the corner but he runs into an elbow. Tensai puts him down with a clothesline and everything breaks down with Rowan running Brodus down. Harper's discus lariat sets up a splash from Rowan to pin Tensai at 1:20.
Post match Bray gets in and hits Sister Abigail on Brodus before grabbing a mic. He says Kane isn't a monster but rather an illusion. The demon is a lie but he himself is much different. He's the man of 1000 truths and the eater of worlds. He is forever and follow the buzzards. Wyatt kneels over Brodus but Kane's pyro lights up the arena.
On screen, Kane says that when you pull the wings off a buzzard, they're impossible to follow. He sees through Bray's words and sees that Bray is here to maim everyone in his path. Kane likes that and does them as well, but he does them for amusement, not to spread a message. Bray will find out why Kane is the devil's favorite demon at Summerslam. Not the Family nor anyone else can save Wyatt from the ring of fire. Fire shoots out of the posts and Bray drops to his knees in laughter.
Punk is in the back and wants to talk about Curtis Axel's dad Mr. Perfect and Bobby Heenan. The difference between those two and Axel/Heyman is Perfect had his own thoughts when he was on screen with Heenan. The younger version having Heyman as his guide is going to earn him a beating tonight. After that, Punk is going to take the Beast's manhood away, just like he promised.
Kaitlyn vs. Layla
Thankfully Layla hasn't dropped the shorts. Layla says she turned on Kaitlyn for the attention and she's coming for all the regular divas and the Total Divas. Kaitlyn takes her down to start and pounds away so Layla runs to the ropes. The referee pulls Kaitlyn away, allowing Layla to take over with a DDT. Layla chokes away in the corner and slams Kaitlyn face first into the mat. She charges into a backbreaker though and Kailtyn starts her comeback. The gutbuster puts Kaitlyn down but here's AJ to distract Kaitlyn from the spear. Layla bails to the apron but an AJ distraction lets Layla kick Kaitlyn in the head for the pin at 2:59.
Kaitlyn and Layla skip around the ring post match. Apparently that kick is called the Bombshell.
We recap Cody and Sandow's issues from earlier. Cody vs. Sandow is official for Summerslam.
Christian vs. Heath Slater
Christian sends him into 619 position but can't uppercut Slater because of the other Band members. Slater takes over with some forearms to the chest and it's off to the chinlock. Slater jumps off the middle rope and lands on Christian's boot and a flapjack sets up a middle rope dropkick for two for Christian. Slater is knocked to the apron and backdropped back inside so the sunset flip out of the corner can get two. Slater stops to dance but gets caught by the spear for the pin at 3:15.
CM Punk vs. Curtis Axel
Non-title of course. Punk charges up the ramp before the bell and the brawl starts near the stage. Punk keeps trying to get to Heyman who has gone backstage. They head to the ring with Punk in control and the bell rings. Axel takes over with some chops but Punk takes him down into an Indian Deathlock of all things. Before he falls down with the hold, Punk spits in the air and tries to slap it away ala Mr. Perfect and the gum. Axel rolls to the floor and gets caught with the suicide dive as we take a break.
Back with Axel cranking on an armbar and elbowing Punk in the face for two. A middle rope elbow sets up another chinlock from Axel as Heyman comes back to ringside. Punk finally rolls out of the hold and crawls over at Heyman, only to be clotheslined down for two. Punk comes back with a spinning cross body out of the corner but a Heyman distraction lets Curtis take over. CM comes back with a kick to the head and the running knee in the corner but Curtis breaks up the Macho Elbow. The McGillicutter gets two but Punk kicks Axel in the head again. Not that it matters as he goes after Heyman, drawing a DQ at 10:22.
Post match here's Lesnar but Axel pulls Punk to the floor. Punk takes him down with a GTS and grabs a chair but brock takes it away. Punk fires off forearms and kicks to the head to stagger Brock and a flying forearm off the table takes Brock down. Not that it matters as Lesnar casually grabs him and throws him down with a belly to belly. They head inside but Punk escapes the F5 and hits Brock in the back with the chair. Heyman is in the ring and drops to his knees in terror but Lesnar takes the chair away from Punk and lays him out with the F5. Brock nails Punk in the back with the chair for good measure.
After a break Lesnar wants to know if that's the best the world has to offer. Heyman says next week, he's going to the ring and giving Punk a chance at a man vs. man fight.
Fandango vs. Kofi Kingston
Kofi is much skinnier and is in long tights now. Fandango takes over quickly to start and takes Kofi down as the announcers talk about ballet. A quick chinlock sets up a dropkick to Kofi but a middle rope knee drop misses. Kofi comes back with a dropkick and the Boom Drop but Fandango bails from Trouble in Paradise. Fandango gets in a kick of his own but misses the legdrop, allowing Kofi to get two off a cross body. Trouble in Paradise is good for the pin at 3:43.
HHH is in the office when Stephanie comes in crying. Vince hated the segment and HHH goes NUTS, ranting and raving about how Vince is no longer a creative genius and goes on his own whims. HHH isn't going to stand by and watch the ship go down and he's going to do something about Vince.
Real Americans vs. Usos
Colter resorts to making fun of cheese and the Green Bay Packers to get heat. Jey runs over Swagger for two to start but gets caught in the powerslam/belly to belly for two. Off to Cesaro for a double stomp for two more before Jack comes in with a shoulder to the leg. Swagger finally misses the Vader Bomb and it's hot tag to Jimmy. Everything breaks down and Jimmy hits a big dive to take Swagger out. Cesaro jumps into part of a superkick but gets out at two. A Colter distraction lets Cesaro hit a quick Neturalizer for the pin on Jimmy at 3:52.
Big E. Langston vs. Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler hits a quick dropkick for one and gets out of a gorilla press, only to be knocked off the apron and out to the floor. Back in and Langston puts on an abdominal stretch for a big. Big E. misses a charge into the post and Ziggler snaps off a quick Stinger Splash and a neckbreaker for two. Ziggler tries to speed things up but gets caught in a drop into a backbreaker to put him down. Langston misses a splash and Dolph mostly misses a Fameasser for two. Kaitlyn comes out to go after AJ because that feud hasn't gone on long enough. The girls get in the ring and Big E. runs Dolph over. Big Ending and we're done at 4:14.
John Cena/Daniel Bryan/Randy Orton vs. Shield
The bell rings at 10:59 so don't expect much from this one. Orton starts with Rollins and it's Seth in early trouble. A suplex puts him down and it's off to Bryan with a middle rope dropkick but Ambrose gets the tag. That's cool with Bryan as he runs Dean over with a clothesline and sends him to the floor for the FLYING GOAT.
Reigns gets in a shot on the floor to take over and it's Bryan as your face in peril. Rollins hooks a chinlock before it's off to Roman for some power. A double gutbuster gets two on Bryan but he charges over for the tag to Cena....but the referee doesn't see it. Everything breaks down anyway and Bryan gets the YES Lock on Rollins, drawing in the other Shield members for the DQ at 5:26.
Post match Orton lays out Bryan with an RKO but has to help Cena clear the ring. Shield runs and there's an RKO to Cena. Orton GETS THE BRIEFCASE but Shield comes down and beats up Cena and Bryan even more. Orton walks away in a heelish move and Bryan takes a TripleBomb to end the show.
Results
Rob Van Dam b. Alberto Del Rio Rolling Cradle
Mark Henry b. Ryback via countout
Wyatt Family b. Tons of Funk Splash to Clay
Layla b. Kaitlyn Bombshell Kick
Christian b. Alberto Del Rio Spear
Kofi Kingston b. Fandango Trouble in Paradise
Real Americans b. Usos Neutralizer to Jimmy Uso
Big E. Langston b. Dolph Ziggler Big Ending
Randy Orton/John Cena/Daniel Bryan b. Shield via DQ when Ambrose and Reigns wouldn't leave the ring
Tuesday
Raw got a 2.96, up from last week.
Wednesday
NXT
Date: August 7, 2013
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Alex Riley
Tonight is a big night on NXT as we have a double main event. Dean Ambrose is defending his US Title against Adrian Neville and Bo Dallas is defending the NXT Title against Leo Kruger. Tonight sounds like it's going to be focusing on in ring action instead of storytelling which should make for a good show. Let's get to it.
The opening video talks about what we're getting tonight. There's also a dance off between Emma and Summer Rae.
Before the first match we're told that Tyler Breeze IS IN THE BUILDING! WOO!
US Title: Adrian Neville vs. Dean Ambrose
Neville is an NXT Tag Team Champion but for the sake of clarity only Ambrose will be referred to as champion. Dean shoves him into the corner to start but Neville shoves him right back. Adrian fires off kicks in the corner but Dean rubs forearms across his face to escape. A headscissors puts the champion down for a second but he pops up, flips forward across the ring and comes out of the corner with a cross body for two.
Neville hooks an armbar but Dean smacks him in the face to escape. Adrian comes back with a quick slam and loads up the Red Arrow but Dean gets away before it launches. Out to the floor they go and Ambrose clotheslines him down as we take a break. Back with Dean dropping an elbow for two and ramming a knee to the ribs. A running dropkick to the chest gets two for the champion and it's off to a surfboard hold.
Dean chops away and sends him across the ring in a hard whip. A belly to belly suplex gets two and we hit the chinlock. Back up and Adrian hits a hard forearm before avoiding a charge in the corner. A high cross body gets two and a quick running hurricanrana sends Dean to the outside. Neville hits a BIG corkscrew dive to take Dean out and there's the Red Arrow but Shield runs in for the DQ at 8:20 shown of 10:05.
Post match the Shield beats Neville down but Corey Graves and Xavier Woods make the save.
Enzo Amore and Colin Cassidy come up to Scott Dawson and Sylvester Lefort to offer encouragement before Dawson's match with Mason Ryan. Lefort and Dawson leave and the same guy who was making faces behind Breeze last week does a fist pump behind Amore and Cassidy.
Time for the dance contest and you should already know what's coming here. It's exactly what you would expect: Summer does classically trained dance moves, Emma responds with stuff like the Running Man and the Chicken Dance and gets YES chants. They keep this one fast paced though with the music never stopping and several back and forth dances. Summer says stop the music and is told she got served.
She wants her real music and does the Fandango, instantly winning over the crowd. Emma says play her music, takes off the t-shirt she was wearing to reveal her usual attire and does her dance to win the contest. Apparently this makes Emma #1 contender. Summer attacks her after losing as you would expect. This ran longer than I would have expected at about six minutes, but it was much more entertaining than most WWE dance offs. They kept this moving fast enough that it never got stupid which is where WWE falls off. Also it doesn't hurt that Emma and Summer look like they do as opposed to say, Vickie.
Leo Kruger promo, talking about being laughed at as a kid. Tonight when he wins the NXT Title, people will be laughing at Bo Dallas instead.
Danny Burch vs. Tyler Breeze
Breeze comes to the ring like he's walking a runway and with camera shots straight out of Zoolander. The fans think the entrance was awesome. The bell rings twice for some reason and Burch comes out swinging. Breeze ducks most of the shots and hits a quick enziguri. After taking some pictures of himself it's the spinwheel kick for the pin at 42 seconds. Breeze is so over the top that he's awesome.
Breeze lays on Burch to take another picture.
Bo Dallas finally starts acting like a heel by patronizing Renee Young, saying Cesaro has a bright future. Also the loss last week is on Sami Zayn for not being in there as a champion. Dallas claims to be a former tag team champion and doesn't remember filling in for an injury. We get a few bars of Don't Stop Bo-lieveing and he walks off. THIS is the kind of character he needs to be, not whatever he's been doing for a few weeks now.
Graves/Neville/Woods vs. Shield and Mason Ryan vs. Scott Dawson next week.
Tyler Breeze has LEFT the building.
NXT Title: Bo Dallas vs. Leo Kruger
Dallas can go up about 85 levels on the heel scale if he records Don't Stop Bo-lieving as his entrance music. Kruger goes straight to the floor to start but suckers Bo into an attack in the corner. The fans are entirely behind Kruger here as you would expect in a Bo Dallas match. Bo comes back with some dropkicks and a cross body followed by a northern lights suplex for two. We hit an armbar on Kruger as the fans chant boring. Kruger fights him off and sends Bo to the floor for a baseball slide as we take a break.
Back with Leo whipping Bo hard into the corner for two. A snap suplex gets the same and Kruger drives in elbows to the head. Dallas breaks up a superplex attempt and scores with a middle rope clothesline. Fans: YOU STILL SUCK! Some clotheslines put Leo down but a tornado bulldog is only good for two. A reverse DDT gets two more and Bo pounds on Leo in the corner, basically turning heel mid match.
Kruger starts Hulking Up and fires off right hands of his own followed by a spinebuster for no cover. The Slice connects for two and Kruger puts on the GC3 but Bo FINALLY makes a rope. Kruger pounds away but his top rope splash hits knees. Dallas wraps his leg around Leo's head and cranks on the arm in a kneeling submission hold, drawing the tap out at 8:36 shown of 11:14.
Results
Adrian Neville b. Dean Ambrose via DQ when Shield interfered
Tyler Breeze b. Danny Burch Spinwheel Kick
Bo Dallas b. Leo Kruger Kneeling Elbow Submission