klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Smackdown got a 1.9.
Rey's knee is in real trouble apparently and will be out for many months.
Monday Night Raw
Date: August 22, 2011
Location: Rexhall Place, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross
We're up north this week and it's time for the fallout from Cena going Alberto hunting to end last week's show. Also I'm sure we'll be getting more out of Punk vs. the establishment in the form of Nash/HHH. This is a hot time for the company so hopefully they can manage to keep it going this week in, as Lawler likes to call it, Bizarro Land. Let's get to it.
One note: I'm watching a recording so the times on matches with commercials may be a bit inaccurate but I'll do my best with them.
Here's Alberto to open the show in a Lamborghini. Sign in the audience: Alberta hates Alberto. That's cute. He says my name and is cut off by My Time Is Now. Cena seems way over here in Canada. He introduces himself to Alberto and calls himself the man that'll take the championship off Del Rio. Also, he's going to hurt him so badly that Del Rio is going to run back to his parents' house because he's tired of the flea market scarves, the second rate help and the rented luxury cars. This is serious Cena.
Cena says he's tired of seeing average people like Del Rio because there's only one person in this company that can go toe to toe with Cena. He's looking at Del Rio and doesn't see CM Punk so he's not looking at anything better than average. Cue Punk who says Cean shouldn't get another title shot. Punk beat him twice in big matches and would be champion if not for Alberto cashing in (which he's cool with).
Punk and Cena argue a bit and Alberto cuts them off (Cena: Hey look it's captain third wheel), saying it's his time. Alberto says get out of here in Spanish. Punk says never cut him off again. He says his cashing in were both better than Alberto's. He knows that everyone is out to get him, including Del Rio, HHH, Nash and maybe even Jack Tunney. However, Cena needs to pay attention because just after Punk insulted Stephanie at the PPV, he gets jumped. The reason Cena needs to pay attention is if he had beaten Punk, the text would have said take out Cena.
Punk thinks someone wants Alberto to be champion. Punk says he's going to cash in his rematch tonight. Cena says he's cashing in tonight, not Punk. Punk: Your rematch clause is about as real as Santa Claus. Alberto says he defended last week so this week it's time to celebrate. He celebrates in full wrestling gear? Now here's HHH to talk some more. He tells Alberto to take the smug look off his face because he's not here for Del Rio. Alberto's match is up next so stick around. Also you can't just cash in rematch clauses whenever you like it. Punk vs. Cena for the #1 contender spot at Night of Champions.
Alberto Del Rio vs. John Morrison
Non-title here remember. Morrison goes right for him to start but gets guillotined on the top. That goes nowhere so Del Rio goes for the arm. Morrison fires off a dropkick but it's right back to the arm. John sends him to the floor and tries an Asai Moonsault, only to miss and land on his feet. Del Rio sends him into the barrier and takes over again. Back from a break with Del Rio holding a chinlock.
Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two. I love Alberto's psychology as he hits something to slow Morrison down and and then it's right back to the arm. Cole says Morrison is an avocado. Why he calls his this isn't clear but then again what is from Cole? Del Rio keeps hammering away as this is another of the kind of matches he needs: a match with a legit name who shouldn't be ready to beat him so the loss means nothing but the win means something for Alberto.
Morrison manages to backdrop him to the floor and gets all fired up. He goes for the Starship Pain position but Del Rio gets away before it launches. The Mexican hits a German on the American. Cross armbreaker can't hook and Del Rio gets caught in a spinning DDT which looked good as Morrison managed to avoid the botch. Morrison's shining wizard doesn't hit but he gets a rana for a close two. Big kick to the head looks to set up Starship Pain but Del Rio moves. Morrison's shoulder hits the post and the armbreaker ends this at 12:30.
Del Rio puts the hold on again on the floor.
Eve Torres vs. Nikki Bella
The announcers said this was vs. Brie before the commercial. Does it really matter? The evil Divas do an old school inset interview talking about how they don't want to be popular or voluptuous or pretty like Eve and Kelly (which is Beth saying these things and Natalya saying we don't). Nikki takes over to start but gets caught in the hip gyrating moonsault. What awesomeness! Moonsault is broken up but Eve hits a Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza for the pin at 2:37. This was nothing but it was bad.
Kelly hits K2 on Brie post match. Natalya and Beth come out to glare at the nice girls.
Nash is up next.
Ok no he isn't.
Alex Riley vs. Jack Swagger
Vickie does Jack's intro and is managing him now. Swagger takes him to the mat very quickly and JR says Swagger is a former two time world champion. So the ECW Title counts? We'll have to remember that for Mark Henry later. Riley gets that SWEET spinebuster of his and here's Dolph. He yells at Vickie as Swagger can't get the powerbomb. Vickie is on the floor but we didn't see what happened. Swagger goes after Dolph and shoves him, walking back into the ring and a rollup for the pin at 2:00. I really hope they're not getting straight to Dolph vs. Jack as this could go for a very long time.
Here's HHH who talks about how there were issues at Summerslam but he wants to bury this right here. He calls out Nash and they shake hands/hug. Nash says he believes what HHH said about not sending the text, however he needs to be able to prove that he's a man, referencing wanting to fight Punk. HHH says Nash doesn't work here so he can't do anything. Nash says he would have killed Punk last week and the security was to protect Punk, not Nash. HHH can fight Punk, just not here. He asks Nash to leave and here's Punk.
Punk says he wants to get to the bottom of this. Let's play Clue: was it Big Lazy with the tube of Just For Men in the conservatory? Was it HHH backstage with the sledgehammer? Or was it Stephanie in the library with a candlestick? We have a library? The tape library perhaps? Punk doesn't believe any of these people and Nash said that Punk stepped over a line last week. That's what Punk does, but now he's done talking. He goes for Punk but HHH cuts him off.
Punk gets in HHH's face and wants to know what HHH's problem is with Punk. Why does he not want Punk being champion? Who's pulling the strings? HHH? Nash? Or Stephanie, the bean headed wife? HHH says he made a promise to not get physically involved, but don't cross a line with him because he's the same guy he used to be and he'll leave Punk laying where he stands. Punk makes fun of HHH again and Nash decks him and the former Clique leaves with HHH being mad at Nash. The fans chant for Punk.
Back from a break and HHH yells at Nash. Nash says HHH isn't the same since he put on the suit and leaves.
Tag Titles: David Otunga/Michael McGillicutty vs. Kofi Kingston/Evan Bourne
This is a rematch from last week. Lawler points out that the champions haven't done anything with the belts. We get a Bushwhackers reference as Lawler says they had better charisma. That's true at least. Bourne beats on McGillicutty to start but that doesn't last long with Kofi coming in. After some more attacking he goes outside after both champions and gets caught easily.
Otunga comes in to work over Kofi, hitting a corner clothesline for a very delayed two. Off to a chinlock for a few seconds and here's McGillicutty who hits a double team dropkick/atomic drop for two. JR says that was an almost perfect dropkick. Off to another chinlock and McGillicutty yells at Lawler, asking if that was impressive. In a cool move Kofi nips up into a headscissors and brings in Bourne. He cleans house with jumping knees and a spin kick for two. Kofi sends Michael to the floor and hits Trouble in Paradise to Otunga. Shooting Star Press gives us new champions at 5:00.
Some NXT guys and Ryder pour champagne over the new champions. They're really pushing this as a big deal.
Johnny Ace catches up with HHH and tells him Nash was in a car wreck. Well of course he was. Ace gives HHH the hospital info and will run Raw as HHH leaves. I'll set the over/under at 12 minutes into the main event before Nash arrives.
Here's Santino for a match but Miz and R-Truth jump him on the way to the ring and give him a big beatdown. Truth calls Santino Little Jimmy and says that'll happen every time. DON'T START THE WHATS!!! Truth says he's tired of the HHH/Stephanie/everyone else conspiracy. He used to main event PPVs but now it's not about him. It's not about Miz either.
Time for Miz to speak and he says Truth is right. The Canadian crowd gets on his nerves so he yells at them. He was in the main event of Wrestlemania and now he has to yell at Jared the Subway guy. Miz speaks slowly so Canada can understand him. He's sick of Santino, who hasn't won a match on Raw in five years (or since June but who's counting) while the two of them get nothing.
They'll be taking an opportunity instead of waiting for one which includes stomping spiders. Some people are gonna get got. That's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and IT'S AWESOME. In a cool moment, Truth does a freestyle to the beat of his song and yells at the crowd with YOU SUCK replacing What's Up. That's rather cool.
John Cena vs. CM Punk
Ace and Del Rio are at ringside. The fans throw Cena's shirt back twice. I'll take it if they don't want it. This is a pro-Punk crowd. It's a slow start but they have some time. The fans chant for the Oilers (hockey team) and here comes Cena. He goes into the finishing sequence very quickly. The Shuffle is countered into a rollup for two very quickly. Leg lariat sets up the corner knee and bulldog for no cover.
Punk goes up but gets knocked to the floor as we take a break. Back and both guys are down. Punk grabs the GTS but Cena escapes as does Punk from the AA. Another AA attempt fails and Punk gets the springboard clothesline for two. GTS is countered into an STF attempt but Punk escapes. Cena uses pure power to push Punk down into the STF where Punk is in trouble.
That's a good looking hold but Punk makes the ropes. Cena's shoulder goes into the post and the GTS gets two. They're telling a good story as they know regular stuff isn't going to work so they're throwing bombs from the beginning. Punk goes up but the elbow misses. I love that tribute he does to Savage. That's what it should be: a move done in his honor and the point to the sky is perfect in multiple ways for Savage.
Cena now goes up and hits the Famesasser for two. AA #4 is countered into a SWEET running knee for two. HUGE AA gets a very close two. Again I love the throwing huge stuff and almost nothing but huge stuff. Top rope cross body is rolled through into the AA but Punk reverses into a sunset flip for two. He sets for the GTS but here's Nash again, saying it's not over with Punk. Punk turns around and the AA sends Cena to Night of Champions at 14:25.
Alberto immediately jumps Cena until Johnny Ace breaks it up. Del Rio beats him up some more because he can.
Results
Alberto Del Rio b. John Morrison Cross Armbreaker
Eve Torres b. Nikki Bella Swinging neckbreaker
Alex Riley b. Jack Swagger Rollup
Kofi Kingston/Evan Bourne b. David Otunga/Michael McGillicutty Shooting Star Press to Otunga
John Cena b. CM Punk Attitude Adjustment
Tuesday
Rock is producing a wrestling drama for NBC. That could be worth a look.
Todd Grisham is leaving WWE to work for ESPN.
NXT
Date: August 23, 2011
Location: Scotiabank Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Commentators: Todd Grisham, William Regal
Yes we're STILL in this season and now they've started bringing in other Divas like Maxine. You would think that someone somewhere would have an idea about where they're going with this but it doesn't seem like there's one in sight at all. It'll be more Titus vs. the evil two and no sign of the show ending at all while JTG and Striker have some random matches that no one cares about. Let's get to it.
A great main event. Gee I wonder what it'll be.
We're in Canada tonight so who knows what the fans will be like.
Striker is in the ring and Young comes out to yell at him again. We get it already: Young hates him and has beaten him twice. PLEASE give us a loser leaves town match or something. Striker admits he can't beat Young and after some Canadian insults Young kicks Striker in the gut and beats him down. Regal gets up from the desk and makes the save. Dude.....SERIOUSLY? You mean there aren't enough people on this show already so we're bringing in more from the announce desk? Whoever gets this show's ideas together needs to start a workout series on how to stretch because it would be AWESOME.
Tyson Kidd vs. Trent Barreta
We talk about who the Japanese characters could have meant, including Kenzuke Sasaki, Yoshi Kwan or someone named Toyota. Why are announcers so stupid at times? The fans chant for Kidd (naturally) as Regal rants a bit. Regal rants about Young, calling himself and Striker old veterans. Striker wrestled in WWE for what, a year and a half? How much of an old pro can he be?
This is a can you top this match as both guys try to show off and neither really gets anywhere. Tyson takes over via the arm and down goes Trent. The fans popping like mad for Tyson Kidd is just weird to see. Forearm puts Kidd down and gets two. Kidd sends him into the corner and Trent gets the feet up but keeps them on Kidd's chest, driving them down into kind of a double stomp.
Regal mentions his trainer, a man named Marty Jones and implies he kept Regal out of the Calgary territory for some reason that Regal isn't happy with. Barreta has had four matches with Kidd but has never beaten him. That's all you need for a little story sometimes and it's fine for a simple match like this one. Kidd comes in off a springboard but Trent gets a dropkick to block for two and we take a break to talk about some video game that no one cares about anymore.
Back with Trent holding a headlock. I can't tell what the fans are chanting now but it doesn't sound like Tyson Kidd or anything like that. Out to the floor and Kidd gets a BIG kick to the head and something like a spinning DDT/neckbreaker to take over but both guys are down. Grisham asks about Regal and Young and Regal gets in a funny line with I don't hate anybody. Ok yes I do.
Trent gets in a nice diving legdrop to the floor which gets two in the ring. This is getting some time and we're getting a solid match out of it. Barreta goes up and gets crotched (Grisham: right in the capital of Thailand!), letting Kidd hit a top rope rana but Trent rolls through into a sunset flip but Tyson rolls through into a Sharpshooter attempt but Trent rolls through THAT into a victory roll for two. Sweet sequence there.
They slug it out and neither can get a solid advantage for a bit. Jumping knee to the head gets two for Trent. This has been almost great stuff so far. It almost sounds like the fans are chanting for Daniel Bryan. Double clothesline puts both guys down and Trent tries the tornado DDT but gets caught in a Canadian Mapleleaf. Lance Storm is in attendance according to commentary. And never mind as the Japanese characters pop up on the screen again and the distraction lets Trent hit the tornado DDT for the pin at 15:00.
We recap Maxine returning from last week.
Bateman is rubbing her shoulders and talks about how awesome they are and how much better they'll be than other power couples. They don't like AJ and Horny. Sex is implied.
AJ vs. Maxine
This is Maxine's first match in a long time. Regal sings her praises and Maxine takes over. Horny is on the apron for this for no apparent reason. The crowd has gone from hot for the first match to dead for this one. Todd says Maxine should fear the beard of Hornswoggle. I can see the t-shirts now. AJ has gotten in nothing at all yet. Suplex gets two for Maxine. In a very telling/funny moment, Regal talks about going to get a haircut the other day and asking for highlights but only getting a DVD of other haircuts. Todd: We're really struggling in this match. Maxine GET THE WIN ALREADY.
Maxine puts the chinlock on again and we hear about how she has a bunch of nationalities in her. So that's what she's done in the last year. AJ finally gets in a shot to take over and that lasts about 3 seconds. Maxine takes her down and Bateman is begging for a cover. Spinwheel kick takes Maxine down and a cross body gets two. Further proof of the dying commentary: AJ going the aerial route and I'm not talking about the Little Mermaid. Bateman shoves Horny down and the distracted AJ is rolled up for the pin at 6:26.
Post match Titus makes the save.
Bret will be on Smackdown which is from Calgary and is GM for the night. Certainly can't argue with that decision.
After seeing a sign that says Satan 3:16, here's Cena vs. Punk from last night. You know the drill: it might be clipped, I don't watch it and here's the whole review from last night.
John Cena vs. CM Punk
Ace and Del Rio are at ringside. The fans throw Cena's shirt back twice. I'll take it if they don't want it. This is a pro-Punk crowd. It's a slow start but they have some time. The fans chant for the Oilers (hockey team) and here comes Cena. He goes into the finishing sequence very quickly. The Shuffle is countered into a rollup for two very quickly. Leg lariat sets up the corner knee and bulldog for no cover.
Punk goes up but gets knocked to the floor as we take a break. Back and both guys are down. Punk grabs the GTS but Cena escapes as does Punk from the AA. Another AA attempt fails and Punk gets the springboard clothesline for two. GTS is countered into an STF attempt but Punk escapes. Cena uses pure power to push Punk down into the STF where Punk is in trouble.
That's a good looking hold but Punk makes the ropes. Cena's shoulder goes into the post and the GTS gets two. They're telling a good story as they know regular stuff isn't going to work so they're throwing bombs from the beginning. Punk goes up but the elbow misses. I love that tribute he does to Savage. That's what it should be: a move done in his honor and the point to the sky is perfect in multiple ways for Savage.
Cena now goes up and hits the Famesasser for two. AA #4 is countered into a SWEET running knee for two. HUGE AA gets a very close two. Again I love the throwing huge stuff and almost nothing but huge stuff. Top rope cross body is rolled through into the AA but Punk reverses into a sunset flip for two. He sets for the GTS but here's Nash again, saying it's not over with Punk. Punk turns around and the AA sends Cena to Night of Champions at 14:25.
Results
Trent Barreta b. Tyson Kidd Tornado DDT
Maxine b. AJ Rollup
Wednesday
It's Wednesday, meaning nothing happened today.
Thursday
An article about Ric Flair has come out which more or less says that he's a financial wreck, has a heart condition and that he's allegedly beaten his spouses. This is pretty heavy stuff man.
Impact Wrestling
Date: August 25, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
It's another week closer to No Surrender, meaning the BFG Series is getting close to a finish. Tonight we have Angle vs. Crimson in what is almost guaranteed to have a screwy finish due to them both being big deals at the moment. Also I'm sure we'll get more from the Hogan/Sting/Flair saga. Anyway let's get to it.
Also I'm not watching live so the timing may be a bit off.
We open with a recap of the two major storylines in the form of Sting/Hogan/Flair plus Angle/Crimson.
Speaking of Angle, the champion opens us up and is in ring gear. He wants to talk to Crimson and here's the big man. Angle says Crimson wants to be the big star and wants to be famous. Tonight he'll face the consequences. Crimson talks about respect and Angle says Crimson has to earn it. Crimson says bring it and he'll still be standing at the end of the match.
Cue Immortal with Ray saying that Crimson needs to respect Angle. Ray asks Kurt if he's a part of them and Angle says he can handle this himself. He tells Immortal and especially Jeff to stay out of the match. It's time to make Crimson famous.
ODB and Jackie talk to Velvet and are partners for some reason tonight. Velvet agrees to have their backs and the other chicks say they could take Velvet out and only the cameraman could see it. ODB just walks off.
The 8/16 episode of Impact was the highest rated ever in England and Ireland. That's a perk.
Eric and Hogan yell at Flair, telling him to make Sting go away because Hogan isn't getting in the ring with him, period. Flair says he'll make it up to Hogan tonight. Hogan says he needs one thing from Ric and that is for Flair to keep his mouth shut. Nothing could possibly go wrong with this plan right?
Jackie/ODB/Velvet Sky vs. Angelina Love/Sarita/Rosita
Jackie and ODB are still trying to be all nice to get their contracts. Jackie rolls up Sarita for two quickly as I'm really trying to care about them. Off to Velvet and Rosita and it's face miscommunication time! After a lot of tagging it's off to Sarita vs. Velvet in an old feud rekindled. As almost always it goes badly for Sky and the triple team begins in the corner. It's saying a lot that Velvet Sky being triple teamed by three hot chicks is so uninteresting.
Angelina hasn't been in yet and is complaining that the team is only working between the two of them. She tags herself in to beat on Velvet a bit more and is promptly kicked off. Since Velvet is there for her looks though she doesn't take the wide open tag. I guess she isn't a fan of ODB/Jackie either. Everything breaks down and the unlikely partners tease beating up Velvet in a triple team but save her instead, giving Angelina a double suplex and putting Velvet on top for the pin at 4:07.
Jesse Sorensen vs. Kid Kash
This is #2 vs. #3 respectively but I doubt those numbers are going to mean much for awhile. Kash looks old and Sorensen is a face, carrying a football with him because he's from Texas. Well I guess a weak gimmick is better than no gimmick. Kash dominates early, hitting a suplex into a release slam.
Moneymaker is blocked and Sorensen starts his comeback with a HHH leaping knee and a pretty sweet dropkick for two. Something resembling the McGillicutter gets two and Jesse goes up. Top rope cross body gets a very close two and I'm liking this Sorensen a bit. And never mind as Kash reverses a rollup and uses the tights for the pin at 3:01.
Post match Kash yells at Sorensen, calling him a boy. Jesse is all bring it on but he gets pie faced and security breaks it up.
BFG Series stuff with Gunner saying he wants to win it. Roode and RVD say the same thing.
BFG Series Standings:
Crimson 50
Bully Ray 42
Bobby Roode 42
James Storm 40
Gunner 35
Devon 30 (Injured)
Rob Van Dam 25
AJ Styles 24
Matt Morgan 24 (Injured)
Scott Steiner 21
D'Angelo Dinero 17
Samoa Joe -10
Does Joe ever get any matches anymore?
Bound For Glory Series: Rob Van Dam vs. D'Angelo Dinero
Morgan is on commentary because it's a BFG Series match. Face vs. face here I think and there's no Jerry Lynn. They're going fast out there and Rolling Thunder hits knees. Thankfully Pope got his knees up above his chest instead of Rob just missing it which I can't stand. Forearm gets two for Dinero.
Rob takes over again and gets a reverse bridging chinlock (Benoit used it a lot and their backs are to each other. You know the move) and then an abdominal stretch as he's looking for the submission. They're using the psychology here which is good to see. DDT gets two for Pope. Top rope fist drop gets two for Pope but he gets his head kicked off, resulting in a surfboard getting the submission (REALLY???) at 5:00. Rob won if that wasn't clear.
Back from a replay and Joe is here attacking Pope's knee. He puts on a leg bar until D-Von hobbles out (he's injured and out of the Series) and stops in front of his kids. The kids go make the save but he yells at them and eventually asks for a chair. Joe bails but D-Von did make the save.
Robbie E asks Rob Terry to be his partner/bodyguard. Terry says he'll think about it and leaves.
Immortal has a meeting about their match and Steiner is mad.
Angelina is on the phone and the Mexican chicks come in and beat her down. Winter makes the save and FREAKS, choking I think Rosita with a curtain cord. The male Mexicans make the save.
For about the third time tonight we see some boots in the back.
Bischoff hits on Traci as she might be doing the Knockout Law thing again. Something important here: all that is mentioned here is Eric is thinking about Knockout Law. There's no explanation about that or what Traci's name is, so to someone new to the show, this is kind of confusing no? Eric wants to get together and sex is implied.
Here are Hogan and Flair to end the Sting situation. Hogan says the main problem right now is there's a problem. He calls out Sting and the crazy dude is here. Hogan says this needs to end tonight because it's gone way too far. Sting has no fries left in his Happy Meal now. Hulk says we can't have all this craziness going on and even says he might be partially to blame. From this point forward the company will be run perfectly.
Sting says deal on one condition. Hogan says deal as he'll do anything. Sting wants....milk and cookies for everyone. Maybe some balloons and a unicorn as well. What about puppies for all the people and some flowers (including a stereotypical gay voice for that one). This prompts some Mr. Nanny level acting from Hogan as he's stunned. Sting kisses him on the cheek a few times and heeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Ric!
Flair goes into one of his usual insane moments, shoving Hogan and talking about how he's the real insane one and he'll beat Sting up when they fight because Sting respects him too much for the kill. An F Bomb is dropped in there also. Hogan is freaking Sting makes fun of Flair anyway. Sting doesn't mind going through Flair to get to Hogan because he's crazy like Flair. Sting wants Hogan at Bound For Glory, which I think we've all known was the ultimate end game for the last few months.
There's supposed to be a hardcore BFG Series six man here but AJ comes out instead. He calls out Daniels who isn't in the match tonight. AJ wants to talk about the rematch that Daniels wants. He doesn't get why Chris wants the rematch and wants to know why right here. Daniels isn't sure if he has it anymore and if he can do it at the top level anymore. He isn't sure if he wants to be a wrestler anymore. AJ says one more time and it's a big emotional moment. Daniels wants it at No Surrender but AJ says he'll be in the BFG Series Final there so how about next week. Daniels says cool.
AJ Styles/Beer Money vs. Immortal
Ray/Gunner/Steiner here. This is Hardcore remember. Big brawl to start and Storm spits beer at someone, just like Steiner does at Roode. No one has been in the ring yet but they don't have to be here. I think whoever gets the fall here gets the points. Gunner vs. AJ in the ring now and Abyss is watching from the ramp. Dang AJ has a great dropkick. It only gets one and here's Steiner with a belly to belly.
Roode comes in and gets the Blockbuster for two. Ray kicks his head off for two and there have been no tags at all so far. Now it's Storm with a kick to the head and a cross body for two on Ray. The former champs hit a double suplex on Ray and SHOUT THOSE NAMES. Roode looks jacked here. AJ wakes up and hits a HUGE dive to the floor to take out Ray. He's holding his knee though.
Gunner sends Storm into the set for two and Steiner misses a chair shot. Abyss is still lookint down at them. We go split screen which for once is a good idea. The fans boo because as usual, THEY CAN'T SEE ANYTHING. Beer Money is getting beaten down and Storm has a locker dropped on his knees. Gunner, ever the smart dude, walks away as AJ hits the springboard clothesline for two on Ray back in the ring. Gunner comes back and AJ is distracted, letting Ray hit the Bubba Bomb for the pin on AJ at 6:00.
Immortal sets for a beatdown but Anderson comes into the back in a Hummer for the save. He gets the chain from Ray and leaves Gunner gushing blood. I guess Anderson vs. Gunner or Ray can be penciled in for BFG. Granted it's Anderson so who knows with him. Abyss walks away. I forgot he was even there.
Mickie rants about Winter/Angelina (not by name for awhile because that could tell people what they're talking about) cheating and how she's getting the title back next week.
Now it's time for some Eric Young shenanigans as he finally finds Scott Baio. It actually turns into a chase scene and Young, in his underwear, jumps out of a tree onto Baio and counts the pin himself. Ladies and gentlemen, the TELEVISION CHAMPION!!! (for those counting, this would be the 12th Impact in a row where the TV Title hasn't been defended).
Crimson vs. Kurt Angle
There are some big match intros for you. This is non-title. The fans are split here and Crimson shoves him around to start. It's almost all red man so far. There's the cravate which have some knees and a neckbreaker added in for two. Angle finally gets in a shot to the bad knee and it's time for a break.
Back with Angle holding a weird kind of arm/chinlock on Crimson. Double shoulder block puts both guys down and there's a suplex for two. The German is no sold and the spear from Crimson gets two. There's the ankle lock with the grapevine and Crimson actually manages to escape. The leg is no sold again and the Red Sky hits. Joe comes in for the DQ at 10:45 total as you would expect.
Joe and Angle have a brief staredown but Angle leaves so Joe can beat on him even more. Crimson no sells THAT and Joe runs.
Mike and Taz run down the card for next week.
Crimson says he wants Joe next week. Joe jumps him and beats him down (with ease) and breaks his leg using a cinder block, the steps and the power of fat.
Results
Velvet Sky/ODB/Jackie b. Angelina Love/Sarita/Rosita Sky pinned Love after a double suplex
Kid Kash b. Jesse Sorensen Rollup with a handful of tights
Rob Van Dam b. D'Angelo Dinero Surfboard
Immortal b. AJ Styles/Beer Money Bubba Bomb to Styles
Crimson b. Kurt Angle via DQ when Samoa Joe interfered
Smackdown got a 1.9.
Rey's knee is in real trouble apparently and will be out for many months.
Monday Night Raw
Date: August 22, 2011
Location: Rexhall Place, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross
We're up north this week and it's time for the fallout from Cena going Alberto hunting to end last week's show. Also I'm sure we'll be getting more out of Punk vs. the establishment in the form of Nash/HHH. This is a hot time for the company so hopefully they can manage to keep it going this week in, as Lawler likes to call it, Bizarro Land. Let's get to it.
One note: I'm watching a recording so the times on matches with commercials may be a bit inaccurate but I'll do my best with them.
Here's Alberto to open the show in a Lamborghini. Sign in the audience: Alberta hates Alberto. That's cute. He says my name and is cut off by My Time Is Now. Cena seems way over here in Canada. He introduces himself to Alberto and calls himself the man that'll take the championship off Del Rio. Also, he's going to hurt him so badly that Del Rio is going to run back to his parents' house because he's tired of the flea market scarves, the second rate help and the rented luxury cars. This is serious Cena.
Cena says he's tired of seeing average people like Del Rio because there's only one person in this company that can go toe to toe with Cena. He's looking at Del Rio and doesn't see CM Punk so he's not looking at anything better than average. Cue Punk who says Cean shouldn't get another title shot. Punk beat him twice in big matches and would be champion if not for Alberto cashing in (which he's cool with).
Punk and Cena argue a bit and Alberto cuts them off (Cena: Hey look it's captain third wheel), saying it's his time. Alberto says get out of here in Spanish. Punk says never cut him off again. He says his cashing in were both better than Alberto's. He knows that everyone is out to get him, including Del Rio, HHH, Nash and maybe even Jack Tunney. However, Cena needs to pay attention because just after Punk insulted Stephanie at the PPV, he gets jumped. The reason Cena needs to pay attention is if he had beaten Punk, the text would have said take out Cena.
Punk thinks someone wants Alberto to be champion. Punk says he's going to cash in his rematch tonight. Cena says he's cashing in tonight, not Punk. Punk: Your rematch clause is about as real as Santa Claus. Alberto says he defended last week so this week it's time to celebrate. He celebrates in full wrestling gear? Now here's HHH to talk some more. He tells Alberto to take the smug look off his face because he's not here for Del Rio. Alberto's match is up next so stick around. Also you can't just cash in rematch clauses whenever you like it. Punk vs. Cena for the #1 contender spot at Night of Champions.
Alberto Del Rio vs. John Morrison
Non-title here remember. Morrison goes right for him to start but gets guillotined on the top. That goes nowhere so Del Rio goes for the arm. Morrison fires off a dropkick but it's right back to the arm. John sends him to the floor and tries an Asai Moonsault, only to miss and land on his feet. Del Rio sends him into the barrier and takes over again. Back from a break with Del Rio holding a chinlock.
Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two. I love Alberto's psychology as he hits something to slow Morrison down and and then it's right back to the arm. Cole says Morrison is an avocado. Why he calls his this isn't clear but then again what is from Cole? Del Rio keeps hammering away as this is another of the kind of matches he needs: a match with a legit name who shouldn't be ready to beat him so the loss means nothing but the win means something for Alberto.
Morrison manages to backdrop him to the floor and gets all fired up. He goes for the Starship Pain position but Del Rio gets away before it launches. The Mexican hits a German on the American. Cross armbreaker can't hook and Del Rio gets caught in a spinning DDT which looked good as Morrison managed to avoid the botch. Morrison's shining wizard doesn't hit but he gets a rana for a close two. Big kick to the head looks to set up Starship Pain but Del Rio moves. Morrison's shoulder hits the post and the armbreaker ends this at 12:30.
Del Rio puts the hold on again on the floor.
Eve Torres vs. Nikki Bella
The announcers said this was vs. Brie before the commercial. Does it really matter? The evil Divas do an old school inset interview talking about how they don't want to be popular or voluptuous or pretty like Eve and Kelly (which is Beth saying these things and Natalya saying we don't). Nikki takes over to start but gets caught in the hip gyrating moonsault. What awesomeness! Moonsault is broken up but Eve hits a Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza for the pin at 2:37. This was nothing but it was bad.
Kelly hits K2 on Brie post match. Natalya and Beth come out to glare at the nice girls.
Nash is up next.
Ok no he isn't.
Alex Riley vs. Jack Swagger
Vickie does Jack's intro and is managing him now. Swagger takes him to the mat very quickly and JR says Swagger is a former two time world champion. So the ECW Title counts? We'll have to remember that for Mark Henry later. Riley gets that SWEET spinebuster of his and here's Dolph. He yells at Vickie as Swagger can't get the powerbomb. Vickie is on the floor but we didn't see what happened. Swagger goes after Dolph and shoves him, walking back into the ring and a rollup for the pin at 2:00. I really hope they're not getting straight to Dolph vs. Jack as this could go for a very long time.
Here's HHH who talks about how there were issues at Summerslam but he wants to bury this right here. He calls out Nash and they shake hands/hug. Nash says he believes what HHH said about not sending the text, however he needs to be able to prove that he's a man, referencing wanting to fight Punk. HHH says Nash doesn't work here so he can't do anything. Nash says he would have killed Punk last week and the security was to protect Punk, not Nash. HHH can fight Punk, just not here. He asks Nash to leave and here's Punk.
Punk says he wants to get to the bottom of this. Let's play Clue: was it Big Lazy with the tube of Just For Men in the conservatory? Was it HHH backstage with the sledgehammer? Or was it Stephanie in the library with a candlestick? We have a library? The tape library perhaps? Punk doesn't believe any of these people and Nash said that Punk stepped over a line last week. That's what Punk does, but now he's done talking. He goes for Punk but HHH cuts him off.
Punk gets in HHH's face and wants to know what HHH's problem is with Punk. Why does he not want Punk being champion? Who's pulling the strings? HHH? Nash? Or Stephanie, the bean headed wife? HHH says he made a promise to not get physically involved, but don't cross a line with him because he's the same guy he used to be and he'll leave Punk laying where he stands. Punk makes fun of HHH again and Nash decks him and the former Clique leaves with HHH being mad at Nash. The fans chant for Punk.
Back from a break and HHH yells at Nash. Nash says HHH isn't the same since he put on the suit and leaves.
Tag Titles: David Otunga/Michael McGillicutty vs. Kofi Kingston/Evan Bourne
This is a rematch from last week. Lawler points out that the champions haven't done anything with the belts. We get a Bushwhackers reference as Lawler says they had better charisma. That's true at least. Bourne beats on McGillicutty to start but that doesn't last long with Kofi coming in. After some more attacking he goes outside after both champions and gets caught easily.
Otunga comes in to work over Kofi, hitting a corner clothesline for a very delayed two. Off to a chinlock for a few seconds and here's McGillicutty who hits a double team dropkick/atomic drop for two. JR says that was an almost perfect dropkick. Off to another chinlock and McGillicutty yells at Lawler, asking if that was impressive. In a cool move Kofi nips up into a headscissors and brings in Bourne. He cleans house with jumping knees and a spin kick for two. Kofi sends Michael to the floor and hits Trouble in Paradise to Otunga. Shooting Star Press gives us new champions at 5:00.
Some NXT guys and Ryder pour champagne over the new champions. They're really pushing this as a big deal.
Johnny Ace catches up with HHH and tells him Nash was in a car wreck. Well of course he was. Ace gives HHH the hospital info and will run Raw as HHH leaves. I'll set the over/under at 12 minutes into the main event before Nash arrives.
Here's Santino for a match but Miz and R-Truth jump him on the way to the ring and give him a big beatdown. Truth calls Santino Little Jimmy and says that'll happen every time. DON'T START THE WHATS!!! Truth says he's tired of the HHH/Stephanie/everyone else conspiracy. He used to main event PPVs but now it's not about him. It's not about Miz either.
Time for Miz to speak and he says Truth is right. The Canadian crowd gets on his nerves so he yells at them. He was in the main event of Wrestlemania and now he has to yell at Jared the Subway guy. Miz speaks slowly so Canada can understand him. He's sick of Santino, who hasn't won a match on Raw in five years (or since June but who's counting) while the two of them get nothing.
They'll be taking an opportunity instead of waiting for one which includes stomping spiders. Some people are gonna get got. That's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and IT'S AWESOME. In a cool moment, Truth does a freestyle to the beat of his song and yells at the crowd with YOU SUCK replacing What's Up. That's rather cool.
John Cena vs. CM Punk
Ace and Del Rio are at ringside. The fans throw Cena's shirt back twice. I'll take it if they don't want it. This is a pro-Punk crowd. It's a slow start but they have some time. The fans chant for the Oilers (hockey team) and here comes Cena. He goes into the finishing sequence very quickly. The Shuffle is countered into a rollup for two very quickly. Leg lariat sets up the corner knee and bulldog for no cover.
Punk goes up but gets knocked to the floor as we take a break. Back and both guys are down. Punk grabs the GTS but Cena escapes as does Punk from the AA. Another AA attempt fails and Punk gets the springboard clothesline for two. GTS is countered into an STF attempt but Punk escapes. Cena uses pure power to push Punk down into the STF where Punk is in trouble.
That's a good looking hold but Punk makes the ropes. Cena's shoulder goes into the post and the GTS gets two. They're telling a good story as they know regular stuff isn't going to work so they're throwing bombs from the beginning. Punk goes up but the elbow misses. I love that tribute he does to Savage. That's what it should be: a move done in his honor and the point to the sky is perfect in multiple ways for Savage.
Cena now goes up and hits the Famesasser for two. AA #4 is countered into a SWEET running knee for two. HUGE AA gets a very close two. Again I love the throwing huge stuff and almost nothing but huge stuff. Top rope cross body is rolled through into the AA but Punk reverses into a sunset flip for two. He sets for the GTS but here's Nash again, saying it's not over with Punk. Punk turns around and the AA sends Cena to Night of Champions at 14:25.
Alberto immediately jumps Cena until Johnny Ace breaks it up. Del Rio beats him up some more because he can.
Results
Alberto Del Rio b. John Morrison Cross Armbreaker
Eve Torres b. Nikki Bella Swinging neckbreaker
Alex Riley b. Jack Swagger Rollup
Kofi Kingston/Evan Bourne b. David Otunga/Michael McGillicutty Shooting Star Press to Otunga
John Cena b. CM Punk Attitude Adjustment
Tuesday
Rock is producing a wrestling drama for NBC. That could be worth a look.
Todd Grisham is leaving WWE to work for ESPN.
NXT
Date: August 23, 2011
Location: Scotiabank Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Commentators: Todd Grisham, William Regal
Yes we're STILL in this season and now they've started bringing in other Divas like Maxine. You would think that someone somewhere would have an idea about where they're going with this but it doesn't seem like there's one in sight at all. It'll be more Titus vs. the evil two and no sign of the show ending at all while JTG and Striker have some random matches that no one cares about. Let's get to it.
A great main event. Gee I wonder what it'll be.
We're in Canada tonight so who knows what the fans will be like.
Striker is in the ring and Young comes out to yell at him again. We get it already: Young hates him and has beaten him twice. PLEASE give us a loser leaves town match or something. Striker admits he can't beat Young and after some Canadian insults Young kicks Striker in the gut and beats him down. Regal gets up from the desk and makes the save. Dude.....SERIOUSLY? You mean there aren't enough people on this show already so we're bringing in more from the announce desk? Whoever gets this show's ideas together needs to start a workout series on how to stretch because it would be AWESOME.
Tyson Kidd vs. Trent Barreta
We talk about who the Japanese characters could have meant, including Kenzuke Sasaki, Yoshi Kwan or someone named Toyota. Why are announcers so stupid at times? The fans chant for Kidd (naturally) as Regal rants a bit. Regal rants about Young, calling himself and Striker old veterans. Striker wrestled in WWE for what, a year and a half? How much of an old pro can he be?
This is a can you top this match as both guys try to show off and neither really gets anywhere. Tyson takes over via the arm and down goes Trent. The fans popping like mad for Tyson Kidd is just weird to see. Forearm puts Kidd down and gets two. Kidd sends him into the corner and Trent gets the feet up but keeps them on Kidd's chest, driving them down into kind of a double stomp.
Regal mentions his trainer, a man named Marty Jones and implies he kept Regal out of the Calgary territory for some reason that Regal isn't happy with. Barreta has had four matches with Kidd but has never beaten him. That's all you need for a little story sometimes and it's fine for a simple match like this one. Kidd comes in off a springboard but Trent gets a dropkick to block for two and we take a break to talk about some video game that no one cares about anymore.
Back with Trent holding a headlock. I can't tell what the fans are chanting now but it doesn't sound like Tyson Kidd or anything like that. Out to the floor and Kidd gets a BIG kick to the head and something like a spinning DDT/neckbreaker to take over but both guys are down. Grisham asks about Regal and Young and Regal gets in a funny line with I don't hate anybody. Ok yes I do.
Trent gets in a nice diving legdrop to the floor which gets two in the ring. This is getting some time and we're getting a solid match out of it. Barreta goes up and gets crotched (Grisham: right in the capital of Thailand!), letting Kidd hit a top rope rana but Trent rolls through into a sunset flip but Tyson rolls through into a Sharpshooter attempt but Trent rolls through THAT into a victory roll for two. Sweet sequence there.
They slug it out and neither can get a solid advantage for a bit. Jumping knee to the head gets two for Trent. This has been almost great stuff so far. It almost sounds like the fans are chanting for Daniel Bryan. Double clothesline puts both guys down and Trent tries the tornado DDT but gets caught in a Canadian Mapleleaf. Lance Storm is in attendance according to commentary. And never mind as the Japanese characters pop up on the screen again and the distraction lets Trent hit the tornado DDT for the pin at 15:00.
We recap Maxine returning from last week.
Bateman is rubbing her shoulders and talks about how awesome they are and how much better they'll be than other power couples. They don't like AJ and Horny. Sex is implied.
AJ vs. Maxine
This is Maxine's first match in a long time. Regal sings her praises and Maxine takes over. Horny is on the apron for this for no apparent reason. The crowd has gone from hot for the first match to dead for this one. Todd says Maxine should fear the beard of Hornswoggle. I can see the t-shirts now. AJ has gotten in nothing at all yet. Suplex gets two for Maxine. In a very telling/funny moment, Regal talks about going to get a haircut the other day and asking for highlights but only getting a DVD of other haircuts. Todd: We're really struggling in this match. Maxine GET THE WIN ALREADY.
Maxine puts the chinlock on again and we hear about how she has a bunch of nationalities in her. So that's what she's done in the last year. AJ finally gets in a shot to take over and that lasts about 3 seconds. Maxine takes her down and Bateman is begging for a cover. Spinwheel kick takes Maxine down and a cross body gets two. Further proof of the dying commentary: AJ going the aerial route and I'm not talking about the Little Mermaid. Bateman shoves Horny down and the distracted AJ is rolled up for the pin at 6:26.
Post match Titus makes the save.
Bret will be on Smackdown which is from Calgary and is GM for the night. Certainly can't argue with that decision.
After seeing a sign that says Satan 3:16, here's Cena vs. Punk from last night. You know the drill: it might be clipped, I don't watch it and here's the whole review from last night.
John Cena vs. CM Punk
Ace and Del Rio are at ringside. The fans throw Cena's shirt back twice. I'll take it if they don't want it. This is a pro-Punk crowd. It's a slow start but they have some time. The fans chant for the Oilers (hockey team) and here comes Cena. He goes into the finishing sequence very quickly. The Shuffle is countered into a rollup for two very quickly. Leg lariat sets up the corner knee and bulldog for no cover.
Punk goes up but gets knocked to the floor as we take a break. Back and both guys are down. Punk grabs the GTS but Cena escapes as does Punk from the AA. Another AA attempt fails and Punk gets the springboard clothesline for two. GTS is countered into an STF attempt but Punk escapes. Cena uses pure power to push Punk down into the STF where Punk is in trouble.
That's a good looking hold but Punk makes the ropes. Cena's shoulder goes into the post and the GTS gets two. They're telling a good story as they know regular stuff isn't going to work so they're throwing bombs from the beginning. Punk goes up but the elbow misses. I love that tribute he does to Savage. That's what it should be: a move done in his honor and the point to the sky is perfect in multiple ways for Savage.
Cena now goes up and hits the Famesasser for two. AA #4 is countered into a SWEET running knee for two. HUGE AA gets a very close two. Again I love the throwing huge stuff and almost nothing but huge stuff. Top rope cross body is rolled through into the AA but Punk reverses into a sunset flip for two. He sets for the GTS but here's Nash again, saying it's not over with Punk. Punk turns around and the AA sends Cena to Night of Champions at 14:25.
Results
Trent Barreta b. Tyson Kidd Tornado DDT
Maxine b. AJ Rollup
Wednesday
It's Wednesday, meaning nothing happened today.
Thursday
An article about Ric Flair has come out which more or less says that he's a financial wreck, has a heart condition and that he's allegedly beaten his spouses. This is pretty heavy stuff man.
Impact Wrestling
Date: August 25, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
It's another week closer to No Surrender, meaning the BFG Series is getting close to a finish. Tonight we have Angle vs. Crimson in what is almost guaranteed to have a screwy finish due to them both being big deals at the moment. Also I'm sure we'll get more from the Hogan/Sting/Flair saga. Anyway let's get to it.
Also I'm not watching live so the timing may be a bit off.
We open with a recap of the two major storylines in the form of Sting/Hogan/Flair plus Angle/Crimson.
Speaking of Angle, the champion opens us up and is in ring gear. He wants to talk to Crimson and here's the big man. Angle says Crimson wants to be the big star and wants to be famous. Tonight he'll face the consequences. Crimson talks about respect and Angle says Crimson has to earn it. Crimson says bring it and he'll still be standing at the end of the match.
Cue Immortal with Ray saying that Crimson needs to respect Angle. Ray asks Kurt if he's a part of them and Angle says he can handle this himself. He tells Immortal and especially Jeff to stay out of the match. It's time to make Crimson famous.
ODB and Jackie talk to Velvet and are partners for some reason tonight. Velvet agrees to have their backs and the other chicks say they could take Velvet out and only the cameraman could see it. ODB just walks off.
The 8/16 episode of Impact was the highest rated ever in England and Ireland. That's a perk.
Eric and Hogan yell at Flair, telling him to make Sting go away because Hogan isn't getting in the ring with him, period. Flair says he'll make it up to Hogan tonight. Hogan says he needs one thing from Ric and that is for Flair to keep his mouth shut. Nothing could possibly go wrong with this plan right?
Jackie/ODB/Velvet Sky vs. Angelina Love/Sarita/Rosita
Jackie and ODB are still trying to be all nice to get their contracts. Jackie rolls up Sarita for two quickly as I'm really trying to care about them. Off to Velvet and Rosita and it's face miscommunication time! After a lot of tagging it's off to Sarita vs. Velvet in an old feud rekindled. As almost always it goes badly for Sky and the triple team begins in the corner. It's saying a lot that Velvet Sky being triple teamed by three hot chicks is so uninteresting.
Angelina hasn't been in yet and is complaining that the team is only working between the two of them. She tags herself in to beat on Velvet a bit more and is promptly kicked off. Since Velvet is there for her looks though she doesn't take the wide open tag. I guess she isn't a fan of ODB/Jackie either. Everything breaks down and the unlikely partners tease beating up Velvet in a triple team but save her instead, giving Angelina a double suplex and putting Velvet on top for the pin at 4:07.
Jesse Sorensen vs. Kid Kash
This is #2 vs. #3 respectively but I doubt those numbers are going to mean much for awhile. Kash looks old and Sorensen is a face, carrying a football with him because he's from Texas. Well I guess a weak gimmick is better than no gimmick. Kash dominates early, hitting a suplex into a release slam.
Moneymaker is blocked and Sorensen starts his comeback with a HHH leaping knee and a pretty sweet dropkick for two. Something resembling the McGillicutter gets two and Jesse goes up. Top rope cross body gets a very close two and I'm liking this Sorensen a bit. And never mind as Kash reverses a rollup and uses the tights for the pin at 3:01.
Post match Kash yells at Sorensen, calling him a boy. Jesse is all bring it on but he gets pie faced and security breaks it up.
BFG Series stuff with Gunner saying he wants to win it. Roode and RVD say the same thing.
BFG Series Standings:
Crimson 50
Bully Ray 42
Bobby Roode 42
James Storm 40
Gunner 35
Devon 30 (Injured)
Rob Van Dam 25
AJ Styles 24
Matt Morgan 24 (Injured)
Scott Steiner 21
D'Angelo Dinero 17
Samoa Joe -10
Does Joe ever get any matches anymore?
Bound For Glory Series: Rob Van Dam vs. D'Angelo Dinero
Morgan is on commentary because it's a BFG Series match. Face vs. face here I think and there's no Jerry Lynn. They're going fast out there and Rolling Thunder hits knees. Thankfully Pope got his knees up above his chest instead of Rob just missing it which I can't stand. Forearm gets two for Dinero.
Rob takes over again and gets a reverse bridging chinlock (Benoit used it a lot and their backs are to each other. You know the move) and then an abdominal stretch as he's looking for the submission. They're using the psychology here which is good to see. DDT gets two for Pope. Top rope fist drop gets two for Pope but he gets his head kicked off, resulting in a surfboard getting the submission (REALLY???) at 5:00. Rob won if that wasn't clear.
Back from a replay and Joe is here attacking Pope's knee. He puts on a leg bar until D-Von hobbles out (he's injured and out of the Series) and stops in front of his kids. The kids go make the save but he yells at them and eventually asks for a chair. Joe bails but D-Von did make the save.
Robbie E asks Rob Terry to be his partner/bodyguard. Terry says he'll think about it and leaves.
Immortal has a meeting about their match and Steiner is mad.
Angelina is on the phone and the Mexican chicks come in and beat her down. Winter makes the save and FREAKS, choking I think Rosita with a curtain cord. The male Mexicans make the save.
For about the third time tonight we see some boots in the back.
Bischoff hits on Traci as she might be doing the Knockout Law thing again. Something important here: all that is mentioned here is Eric is thinking about Knockout Law. There's no explanation about that or what Traci's name is, so to someone new to the show, this is kind of confusing no? Eric wants to get together and sex is implied.
Here are Hogan and Flair to end the Sting situation. Hogan says the main problem right now is there's a problem. He calls out Sting and the crazy dude is here. Hogan says this needs to end tonight because it's gone way too far. Sting has no fries left in his Happy Meal now. Hulk says we can't have all this craziness going on and even says he might be partially to blame. From this point forward the company will be run perfectly.
Sting says deal on one condition. Hogan says deal as he'll do anything. Sting wants....milk and cookies for everyone. Maybe some balloons and a unicorn as well. What about puppies for all the people and some flowers (including a stereotypical gay voice for that one). This prompts some Mr. Nanny level acting from Hogan as he's stunned. Sting kisses him on the cheek a few times and heeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Ric!
Flair goes into one of his usual insane moments, shoving Hogan and talking about how he's the real insane one and he'll beat Sting up when they fight because Sting respects him too much for the kill. An F Bomb is dropped in there also. Hogan is freaking Sting makes fun of Flair anyway. Sting doesn't mind going through Flair to get to Hogan because he's crazy like Flair. Sting wants Hogan at Bound For Glory, which I think we've all known was the ultimate end game for the last few months.
There's supposed to be a hardcore BFG Series six man here but AJ comes out instead. He calls out Daniels who isn't in the match tonight. AJ wants to talk about the rematch that Daniels wants. He doesn't get why Chris wants the rematch and wants to know why right here. Daniels isn't sure if he has it anymore and if he can do it at the top level anymore. He isn't sure if he wants to be a wrestler anymore. AJ says one more time and it's a big emotional moment. Daniels wants it at No Surrender but AJ says he'll be in the BFG Series Final there so how about next week. Daniels says cool.
AJ Styles/Beer Money vs. Immortal
Ray/Gunner/Steiner here. This is Hardcore remember. Big brawl to start and Storm spits beer at someone, just like Steiner does at Roode. No one has been in the ring yet but they don't have to be here. I think whoever gets the fall here gets the points. Gunner vs. AJ in the ring now and Abyss is watching from the ramp. Dang AJ has a great dropkick. It only gets one and here's Steiner with a belly to belly.
Roode comes in and gets the Blockbuster for two. Ray kicks his head off for two and there have been no tags at all so far. Now it's Storm with a kick to the head and a cross body for two on Ray. The former champs hit a double suplex on Ray and SHOUT THOSE NAMES. Roode looks jacked here. AJ wakes up and hits a HUGE dive to the floor to take out Ray. He's holding his knee though.
Gunner sends Storm into the set for two and Steiner misses a chair shot. Abyss is still lookint down at them. We go split screen which for once is a good idea. The fans boo because as usual, THEY CAN'T SEE ANYTHING. Beer Money is getting beaten down and Storm has a locker dropped on his knees. Gunner, ever the smart dude, walks away as AJ hits the springboard clothesline for two on Ray back in the ring. Gunner comes back and AJ is distracted, letting Ray hit the Bubba Bomb for the pin on AJ at 6:00.
Immortal sets for a beatdown but Anderson comes into the back in a Hummer for the save. He gets the chain from Ray and leaves Gunner gushing blood. I guess Anderson vs. Gunner or Ray can be penciled in for BFG. Granted it's Anderson so who knows with him. Abyss walks away. I forgot he was even there.
Mickie rants about Winter/Angelina (not by name for awhile because that could tell people what they're talking about) cheating and how she's getting the title back next week.
Now it's time for some Eric Young shenanigans as he finally finds Scott Baio. It actually turns into a chase scene and Young, in his underwear, jumps out of a tree onto Baio and counts the pin himself. Ladies and gentlemen, the TELEVISION CHAMPION!!! (for those counting, this would be the 12th Impact in a row where the TV Title hasn't been defended).
Crimson vs. Kurt Angle
There are some big match intros for you. This is non-title. The fans are split here and Crimson shoves him around to start. It's almost all red man so far. There's the cravate which have some knees and a neckbreaker added in for two. Angle finally gets in a shot to the bad knee and it's time for a break.
Back with Angle holding a weird kind of arm/chinlock on Crimson. Double shoulder block puts both guys down and there's a suplex for two. The German is no sold and the spear from Crimson gets two. There's the ankle lock with the grapevine and Crimson actually manages to escape. The leg is no sold again and the Red Sky hits. Joe comes in for the DQ at 10:45 total as you would expect.
Joe and Angle have a brief staredown but Angle leaves so Joe can beat on him even more. Crimson no sells THAT and Joe runs.
Mike and Taz run down the card for next week.
Crimson says he wants Joe next week. Joe jumps him and beats him down (with ease) and breaks his leg using a cinder block, the steps and the power of fat.
Results
Velvet Sky/ODB/Jackie b. Angelina Love/Sarita/Rosita Sky pinned Love after a double suplex
Kid Kash b. Jesse Sorensen Rollup with a handful of tights
Rob Van Dam b. D'Angelo Dinero Surfboard
Immortal b. AJ Styles/Beer Money Bubba Bomb to Styles
Crimson b. Kurt Angle via DQ when Samoa Joe interfered