klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Heyman won’t be at Hardcore Justice but Sabu will be.
Haas and Benjamin are going to ROH.
Raw
Date: August 2, 2010
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
We open with a recap of the calamity that was Cena’s team last week. They need to flesh out the card a bit for Summerslam. This show is taped last week. I wonder if that’s going to make a difference in how the show comes off.
Miz vs. Orton tonight.
Debut of the trailer for Cena’s new movie tonight.
And here’s Edge. He blames the fans for a lot of stuff but more or less takes over the Raw team as everyone else has. Edge says that the team is crumbling before his eyes and challenges Barrett to a match where he wants no interference. Here’s R-Truth who says Edge doesn’t want to listen to Cena. Truth says Edge will listen to him and that Edge has never had to fight for anything. Edge threatens to spear him and it’s E-mail time. Edge vs. Barrett is next.
Wade Barrett vs. Edge
See I told you it was next. Barrett beats on him slowly and is oddly dominant. It’s weird to see these guys in an opener like this but it’s hard to complain really. Now if this was Impact…..never mind. Edge gets a shot in to take Barrett down and I continue to marvel over his eyes. They’re always great when he’s in a zone. Edge goes for the Edgecution but is blocked.
Edge is wrestling like the older Edge here which is a very good thing for him. Wasteland is countered into the Edgecution but obviously dropping him on his head isn’t enough since we need a spear. The fans chant for Barrett but he calls for Nexus and Edge bails like an intelligent man, I guess giving us a no contest.
After a break Edge is looking for Cena and is pissed at Cena for not helping. He quits the team and Jericho is next to Cena. Jericho wants a match with Cena, loser leaves the team. Cena freaks but I guess agrees to it.
Summerslam Recall is Bret winning his first IC Title in what was indeed a great match.
Morrison and Khali are in the back and Morrison talks about movies like the Magnificent Seven, but Khali says there were also the Seven Dwarves. Khali vs. DiBiase later. And HERE THEY COME! Ah it’s just Tarver and Otunga.
Natayla/Eve Torres/Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox/Jillian Hall/Tamina
Gail vs. Jillian to start and they call Gail a former women’s champion. I guess we’re just not going to talk about Jillian’s win anymore? This is your standard Divas match with no one caring at all until we get to the big brawl at the end. With six girls plus the Bellas and Maryse, how does this division suck so badly? A huge brawl lets Alicia kick Natalya in the head to end it. Alicia runs her mouth and says she’s beaten everyone. Cue Melina’s return and that gorgeous jet black hair. Alicia gets beaten up by “an all time great”. That’s just funny.
Sheamus vs. Goldust
Orton had one of these last week so this makes sense. We lash back to last year when Sheamus was beating Goldust on ECW. Irish Curse and it’s all Sheamus so far. Brogue Kick and High Cross end it. No rating as it was just to show off his dominance and it was like 2 minutes long. I love these though so I’d rate it high.
Sheamus says he’s champion and that he’s awesome. Lots of mention of HHH which tells me that he’s not coming back for a few more weeks.
Chris Jericho vs. John Cena
Loser is gone from the team I guess. By my math Cena is about 837-0 against Jericho so I think I know where this is going. So apparently Cena has lost to Jericho in a one on one match one time: July of 02, which was Cena’s second televised match. Something tells me Cena wins here but I’m not sure. After some basic back and forth stuff Jericho hits a Codebreaker to put Cena on the floor. He gets two as we hit a commercial.
The taped thing is hurting this a bit as we’re on our second show for both the workers and the crowd which is tiring. The problem here is that Cena doesn’t want to fight because he doesn’t want to tear the team apart even more than it already is. Jericho yells at Cena and calls him a stupid man. Fameasser from the top but Cena has a bad knee now. He’s wearing black shoes which is a weird look for him.
And there are the Walls on the bad knee. Cena reverses into the STF and Jericho taps before the hold is even on. Most interesting. It was intentional too as yeah the replay shows Cena doesn’t even have his hands hooked and Jericho taps.
Cena gets a mic and says he wants Jericho on the team but he won’t beg. Jericho doesn’t say anything and just walks off.
Back from break and Jericho and Edge are in a locker room. They respect each other and have an awkward moment. It’s E-Mail time though and it says Cena/Hart vs. Edge/Jericho on Raw with Nexus as lumberjacks.
Orton says he’s taken down HHH too and for a little longer. He wants Sheamus down there for the main event tonight.
We get the preview of Cena’s new movie. It’s about a guy teaching his brother how to amateur wrestle. It looks ok actually. Better than the ones where he’s a soldier.
Great Khali vs. Ted DiBiase
Barrett and Sheffield are here about a minute into this after nothing has happened. It lets Khali get the chop and vice for the win.
We get a thing about Will Ferrell and Mark Walhberg where the Bellas hit on Ferrell. He says they’re average for some reason. This is uh….weird.
The Miz vs. Randy Orton
Miz talks about how Orton is going to lose the title to him just after he wins it, which is his best case scenario. They’ve been doing a much better job about having the guys get mic time and it’s helping a lot I think. Orton beats him up a bit and Sheamus comes down to take us to commercial. Orton is dominating as we come back but Miz hits a big boot. OH COME ON.
Miz takes over for a bit and this is pretty much a formula match. Orton makes his standard comeback but Miz counters the DDT with a backdrop. Miz walks into an RKO to end it and Sheamus charges the ring as Orton is curled up in his stance, ending the show.
Results
Edge vs. Wade Barrett went to a no contest – Edge ran off
Alicia Fox/Jillian Hall/Tamina b. Gail Kim/Eve Torres/Natalya – Axe Kick to Natalya
Sheamus b. Goldust – High Cross
John Cena b. Chris Jericho – STFU
Great Khali b. Ted DiBiase – Vice Grip
Randy Orton b. The Miz - RKO
Tuesday
Samoa Joe has been suspended over his weight and backstage attitude.
Not sure when this interview came out but AJ Styles made some comments that were highly critical of TNA. Most interesting.
Raw was a 3.3
NXT
Date: August 3, 2010
Location: Laredo Energy Arena, Laredo, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews
We open with a recap of the poll from last week and the elimination of Cottonwood, followed by the huge brawl. Here are the rookies and tonight there’s a kissing contest. We need Divas for this so here comes Laycool. I could go for Michelle in shorts like that. Same with Layla. Michael is clearly pissed about this but this is the biggest pop Laycool has ever gotten. Seriously, how awesome would it be to have Michelle as your biology teacher?
Harris is first and never mind as they bring in a Laredo chick who is of course fat and ugly. The looks on the rookies’ faces are hilarious. Kaval’s eyes almost bugged out. Harris does go first and dips her back, apparently getting points from the judge.
Michael licks her face. I think I just lost points for him.
Lucky does a slow one.
Percy is fourth and it’s nothing special.
Kaval is PISSED and looks scared almost. Layla kisses the hell out of him and he can barely stand. He does it and looks sick.
Riley does a decent one and it’s judging time.
Lucky wins and gets…..nothing? Laycool lists off a bunch of diseases and Riley kisses her again. Uh…yeah.
Kaval vs. Husky Harris
After the whole kiss thing, Kaval better be awesome here. There’s another elimination next week. This is a rematch from last week I think. Kaval does a great counter as he gets slingshotted into the corner but lands on the bottom rope and immediately jumps down in a double stomp. A Rock Bottom and the back splash end it.
We recap Miz’s comments on McGillicutty and he says he wants Miz. Lucky wants Miz. Miz starts talking and says the winner might get a shot at him.
Lucky Cannon vs. Michael McGillicutty
This is maybe a minute long and the running neckbreaker (the McGillicutter) ends it.
We get the pros’ opinions on who the worst pros are. Kofi says Laycool because of the pink shirt. Laycool of course says Kofi.
Henry, drenched in sweat, says Ryder because his rookie was eliminated first.
Rhodes says Kofi because he’s going to lose the IC Title to Rhodes soon.
Ryder tries to talk but here’s Miz to say that the pros are all the worst. Miz and Morrison go at it with Miz saying Morrison has done nothing since they split up. That’s not exactly true but whatever.
Alex Riley vs. Percy Watson
Before we see a confessional from Watson where he says Riley is the hardest to get along with. This is a tame one and not in character which is something I want to see more of. This is a pretty good match actually with Watson’s glasses falling off. He’s got some charisma to say the least. A hot shot sets up the RKO for the pin. This was a lot better than it sounds. MVP looks bored out of his mind.
Michael McGillicutty vs. The Miz
This is yet another change for Cole to worship Miz. Something tells me Miz loses here for some reason though. Miz dominates for the most part but Michael hangs in there very nicely. Miz is said to have a HHH like knee lift. That would be nice if HHH had EVER used a running knee lift. McGillicutty goes OFF with punches in the corner and has Miz in trouble.
Oh I’m going two sections here. Oh yeah. And never mind that as the Skull Crushing Finale ends it.
Results
Lucky Cannon won a kissing contest
Husky Harris b. Kaval – Senton Back Splash
Michael McGillicutty b. Lucky Cannon – McGillicutter
Alex Riley b. Percy Watson – TKO
Wednesday
Nothing.
Thursday
The buyrates have come in for the last few shows and are terrible. Fatal Fourway did the second lowest buyrate in company history after only December to Dismember. That’s saying a lot.
Impact
Date: August 5, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: There’s No Place Like Home
We open the go home show to Hardcore Justice with a recap of last week’s show. Abyss says THEY are still coming and Dreamer got beaten up by Raven. Raven/Abyss vs. Dreamer/RVD later.
Dreamer is here and wants to talk to Raven. He says they’re friends now and his kids call him Uncle Scotty. Raven talks about knowing each other for 30 years and how he stole Raven’s girl. Dreamer’s kids should have been Raven’s, prompting a very funny look. This is at least a story for Sunday. They go at it and Abyss comes out. Then RVD comes out. Is anyone in the hardcore closet anymore? Raven Effect on the stage to Dreamer and it looks bad. Foley comes out and hits Raven with a barded wire bat. He’s the referee for Raven/Dreamer. Uh….why? What connection do they have to Foley?
Knockouts Tag Titles: Beautiful People vs. Hamada/Taylor Wilde
Well this is different. Lacey is gorgeous. Take a guess as to how good this is. Lacey does a backflip but lands on her ass. Allegedly it was an elbow drop but I fail to see it. Hamada and Taylor hug a lot. Madison is on the stage and here’s the biker chick. Madison’s boobs are EPIC. The referee gets nailed and you can make your own jokes. Taylor dropkicks a chair into the face of Lacey and they win the tag belts. Yeah I don’t care either.
TV Title: Rob Terry vs. AJ Styles
Kaz gets thrown out immediately. Terry chases him off and destroys AJ. We all know there’s no way AJ is losing here but he’s going to get squashed in the process. Mike and Tazz talk about all the people to hold the TV Title including Flair and Anderson. I really hope they don’t try to do this. Terry dominates and then AJ gets a low blow, the Pele and the 450 to win it. Not wild on that but definitely better than when he won the title.
Kurt talks about his Top Ten challenge thing in a good package.
Lethal talks about his street fight in a not so good package.
The BP fight in the back and Lacey gets her head slammed into a wall or something, freaking Velvey out.
Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Motor City Machine Guns
Roode talks to Sabin about how they have redefined the tag division but it’s about the titles. After a commercial to get here, we take a break after the promos. Beer Money might be growing on me. I’m not sure yet. Storm can’t climb because he’s drunk. This is more about fighting on the mat rather than going up the structure which is ok.
The BEER MONEY shout leads nowhere. Roode is busted open. He goes up but it doesn’t go anywhere. DAMN nice DDT on Roode by Shelley while Roode sold very well. Sabin and Storm both go up and Sabin gets a pretty nice rana. Beer Money does a nice spot as Roode does the crossing but Storm walks underneath him as a balance. Nicely done.
Standing Sliced Bread #2 on the apron. NICE. Roode goes up onto the structure above the cables and is walking on them. Sabin uses the traditional sense and crotches Roode making him land on his head. Sabin gets the X for the win.
Here are Hogan and Bischoff with their hot chick. They’re here to talk about the Whole F’N Show, which is the special they’re doing. Abyss vs. RVD in the board above the ring match for the title, Love vs. Rayne, AJ vs. Angle, Anderson vs. Pope vs. Morgan, Hardy has an open challenge, MCMG vs. Beer Money and I think that’s it.
Here’s Nash to stare down Hogan. He talks about how he’s tired of being ignored and Hogan/Bischoff say the old days of politics are over. Nash hits Bischoff and the old guys explode. Nash gets a chair and here comes Jarrett for the save. And Sting is back. Oh here we go again. Sting hits Jarrett in the face with the bat and he doesn’t go down. Sting and Nash leave together and Jarrett and Hogan are both out.
Orlando Jordan vs. D’Angelo Dinero
Jordan is still employed. Why is that? Well at least he’s a jobber now. That’s a big step in the right direction. Jordan is creepy for a bit and then we go at it. And here’s Eric Young to slide down the ramp and try to get the money that drops down from the ceiling. DDE ends it soon after. Morgan beats up Dinero and Anderson saves. The security guards get in Anderson’s face.
Flair talks about winning tonight and how great it’s going to be.
Ric Flair vs. Jay Lethal
It’s a street fight. Flair is in a damn suit? If Fourtune interferes then Flair is suspended sans pay. This is your standard street fight with weak weapons. Flair is busted open. In other news, Velvet Skye has a name. Douglas Williams comes out for no apparent reason and there go Flair’s pants. The underwear have pink flowers on them.
Lethal beats him with a belt and Lethal throws his pants and socks into the crowd. Flair has one shoe, one sock, and underwear with pink flowers. Second Flair Flop of the match. Williams pulls him to the floor and it goes nowhere. The underwear comes down and thankfully it’s censored. Hebner has to pull them up in a scene that is going to scar him for life. Lethal gets a foot on the rope after a belt shot from Williams but it gets knocked off and Flair wins. Flair is busted BAD.
RVD talks about how he has a tough schedule coming up. Jerry Lynn pops up and says he’s the opponent at Hardcore Justice.
Tommy Dreamer/Rob Van Dam vs. Abyss/Raven
We start it out on the ramp for a bit. Van Dam dives over the top rope to get at Abyss. Dreamer is in white boots here and has on an RVD shirt. This doesn’t go long at all as in maybe three minutes the Five Star ends it. I know I didn’t say much about it but nothing really happened.
Abyss goes crazy and beats everyone up so Richards and Rhyno come down for the save. Gore is blocked though and here comes Team 3D. Raven with a chair puts them down as they go for their namesake. The lights go out and it’s the Sandman, looking like complete and utter hell. I mean hell for Sandman, so let that sink in. Some guys bring out a cooler to end the show.
ECW guys talk about the days of ECW for three minutes to end the show.
Results
Hamada/Taylor Wilde b. The Beautiful People – Dropkick into a chair to Lacey
AJ Styles b. Rob Terry – Springboard 450 Splash
Motor City Machine Guns b. Beer Money – Sabin grabbed the X
D’Angelo Dinero b. Orlando Jordan – DDE
Ric Flair b. Jay Lethal – Belt shot from Douglas Williams
Rob Van Dam/Tommy Dreamer b. Abyss/Raven – Five Star Frog Splash to Raven
Friday
Impact did the same as it did last week: 1.2.
Smackdown
Date: August 6, 2010
Location: Laredo Energy Arena, Laredo, Texas
Commentators: Matt Striker, Michael Cole
The show opens with the theme song which is the point of it I guess.
Rey comes out first and is limping. Not that that means anything since it’s Rey and he feels no pain. I guess it has to do with the enlarged heart or something. He talks about last week’s show ending and how Kane chokeslammed him into the water. That was kind of cool I guess. He says Kane is crazy. No way Rey is a heel. It just wouldn’t work at all.
Drew comes out instead in a SWANK suit and red shirt. He says Rey is a criminal, which I’m guessing will set up a match later. Somehow this takes almost five minutes with Drew just bitching at Rey the whole time.
Matt Hardy vs. Cody Rhodes
Striker sings the theme song and manages to get in a Haiti Kid and a Moondog reference which is awesome for the 80s. Cody hides after Matt wins for a bit and we take a break. Cody has what looks like a wrist brace on. I can’t get into this match for some reason. Rhodes keeps using a crossface minus the arm trap. Cody looks up at himself on the big screen to make sure he looks good. That was funny.
This is another long match that is pretty decent. They keep talking about how Rhodes is a win away from being a title contender. That makes sense too as the midcard over there is heating up pretty well. Matt blocks a big slam move out of the corner but Cross Roads ends it. Well that was quick.
Trailer for Legendary, which doesn’t look bad.
Alberto del Rio has something to say. I wake up at the end of it.
Rosa isn’t good enough yet for Laycool. They argue over the title and literally rip it in half. They get the other belt back from Long (they just gave it to him) and therefore leave with one full belt and both halves of the other. No clue what was solved there.
Intercontinental Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston
Kofi is ticked off to start and Ziggler runs. This has been ALL Kofi in the opening minutes. Dolph has never won a title apparently, so I guess the tag belts don’t count? We take a break with Kofi completely dominating. I’m not sure why it’s taking me so long to get anything written here but I just can’t think of much to say about this show. After all that dominance of course, we come back to having Kofi in an armbar.
Is there a sale on yellow and black trunks lately? Between Kofi and Lethal I get a bit confused. Vickie gets up on the apron and gets caught with Trouble in Paradise. Vickie then comes in and nothing of note happens. Ziggler pops up and hits the Zig Zag to get the title. Holy no selling Batman. It’s a kick to the head! Well at least he lays down afterwards which is a plus. Kofi jumps him after the match and a BIG beatdown ensues.
Straight Edge Society is here. Show vs. the three males in the SES. They HAVE to win that. Everyone but Punk is happy and he demands them on their knees. Them getting happy makes Punk think they’re going to fall off the wagon, and if they do then they’re gone. He demands that they’ll be better and be happy when he says they’ll be happy.
Joey Mercury/Luke Gallows/CM Punk vs. JTG/Chris Masters/MVP
Sweet DAMN MVP has fallen a long way. Ballin doesn’t hit and a big boot from Gallows ends MVP. This was like a minute and a half long. I don’t think Masters was ever in the match at all.
Cody tells us how to trim our eyebrows.
More creepy Kane stuff and he doesn’t like Rey.
Rey Mysterio vs. Drew McIntyre
It’s 9:40 so this is going to get a lot of time. They mess up something which I think was supposed to be a clothesline and Rey is in trouble early. The fans chant Si Se Puede, meaning yes he can. Rey hits a nice running rana off the apron to the floor and Drew is in trouble as we go to a break.
Back from commercial and it’s Drew in control, including dropping Rey on the table in a painful looking spot. Drew dominating here even though there’s no way he’ll win is a nice touch. Even a brief comeback is stopped dead here. And then Rey gets a rollup off a springboard for the win. That’s how Drew needed to lose if he had to as he dominated a lot of the match here.
Rey says he has news but here comes Kane. Drew jumps Rey and backs him into the casket but Rey runs to the stage. Rey says it wasn’t him but rather Kane, to the shock of no one with a brain. Kane isn’t really doing anything but kind of sneers. He keeps saying no and falls to his knees, saying he loves his brother, ending the show.
Results
Cody Rhodes b. Matt Hardy – Cross Roads
Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston – Zig Zag
Joey Mercury/Luke Gallows/CM Punk b. JTG/Chris Masters/MVP – Big Boot to MVP
Rey Mysterio b. Drew McIntyre - Rollup
Saturday
Due to a back injury, Lynn is off the show. That’s not good at all.
Sunday
Tyler Black, the ROH Champion, might have signed with WWE.
Hardcore Justice
Date: August 8, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Tazz, Mike Tenay
This is the second return to PPV for ECW as they try to squeeze the final drop of blood out of the stone that was ECW. I really am not looking forward to this as it was built around two matches and one of those was canceled. It’s RVD vs. Sabu tonight which needs to stay under 8 minutes or so. Other than that we know a lot of names and that’s about it. Let’s get to it.
Tazz is here and says this is going to be EXTREME and that this is going to be awesome no matter what people say. Yeah I’m sure.
FBI vs. Kid Kash/Simon Diamond/Swinger
It’s Tony, Tracy and Guido. Yeah because Kash was SO important to ECW. Sal is somehow even fatter if that’s possible. Smothers looks AWFUL. It’s Tony Luke now instead of Mamaluke. Guido looks about the same. The lights are all dark and there’s this weird blue tint to it. Guido and Kash start us off. They point out that they can’t say certain names or letters. WOW.
Simon is HUGE and even Tazz suggests different attire. He stops halfway through the match and cuts a promo to which he gets a LOUD Shut the Fuck Up chant. He challenges them to a dance off. It’s somehow worse than it sounds. The non-FBI team breaks it up but Sal crushes them. Kash does a big dive to do something. Keep in mind we’re 20 minutes into this.
We get to a normal match now and it’s not bad. Seriously, we would have had to pay 45 dollars for this. Mamaluke is getting destroyed here and Diamond does something close to Three Amigos. Guido hits the Kiss of Death (Killswitch) to end it.
The announcers talk about Sabu being in the main event.
We have a Where Are They Now series tonight. That’s not a good sign.
Tod Gordon says goodbye. He’s fat.
Pitbull #1 says hi.
Blue Meanie is on a TNA PPV. Literally that’s all they’re saying.
They do their intros and then they come back. Pitbull says show them hardcore. Meanie says thank you. None of them are here or anything.
AJ liked ECW.
Love liked ECW but only saw the end.
Snow yells at Head for possibly causing legal issues with the show. Richards comes in and this is his night apparently. Nova (Simon Dean) shows up in his BWO apparel. He talks about getting the band back together and this is painful to watch. A fake Blue Meanie comes in and we’re told that it doesn’t matter if it’s not really him. Good night.
Hey look it’s a match.
CW Anderson vs. 2 Cold Scorpio
You know, because these two have SUCH a history together. They keep calling it the original era because they can’t say ECW, even though they do anyway. Oh this is wrestling. Just to be clear I guess. Amazingly enough, there’s next to nothing to talk about here. Scorpio was great in his time, but he was old in 99 and he’s very old now. This is kind of back and forth and really isn’t bad for the most part. Spinebuster gets two and the Tumbleweed ends it.
Madison liked ECW too.
Matt Morgan got to go to a bar where ECW guys came to. They have to call it the Philadelphia promotion. This is sad.
Anderson says ECW was doing other stuff.
RVD and Fonzie say they wish they had a chance to fight Lynn again. RVD wants a replacement and picks Sabu. Fonzie says he’ll call it right down the middle.
PJ Polaco vs. Stevie Richards
Richards has the BWO with them despite not being Big Stevie Cool here. The fans chant Polaco’s name (Justin Credible which I’ll be referring to him as) and then Stevie Richards. The fans want blood and an hour (almost) into it we haven’t had any. Justin hits a jumping spinning DDT which was one of his signature moves back in the day at least.
The fake Meanie is one of the Phi Delta Slam guys if anyone remembers them. He’s a security guard at times too. The matches here aren’t completely awful but this comes off as so low rent that it just can’t be taken seriously. And remember, this is TNA’s PPV offering this month. It’s not like the real PPV is next week or anything. This is it for August.
And That’s Incredible ends….nothing as Nova jumps up. Stevie Kick ends this in something that would NEVER have happened in the original company. The lights go out and Sandman is here to no music at all. White Russian Leg Sweep and Justin is back up before like a second. Cane shots put him down again.
Francine and her daughter are at home. She looks bad. Like really bad. She was hot back in the day and now this.
They pay tribute to the people that have died with a graphic and nothing more. No names, no faces, no anything.
Brother Runt vs. Al Snow vs. Rhyno
Runt is Spike Dudley of course and is nearly bald. This is elimination rules and better not break 8 minutes. Spike hits a dive that is ok after some basic stuff. He plays the role of the pinball of course and I still wonder what Snow has to do with this. Snow hits the trapping headbutts on Rhyno. TNA guys are watching in the back. Why they’re here is beyond me because they’re not wrestling.
Acid Drop to Rhyno is blocked and this needs to end fast. We’re on the floor again and you actually can’t see due to the lighting. The referee goes down and Head drills Rhyno. Spike does the Eddie chair thing by slamming the mat with it and throwing it to Rhyno. He and Snow do the same thing so they’re all down. Oh my head hurts. Acid Drop ends Snow and then the Gore ends the whole thing.
Foley is reading Hogan’s book and likes being the ref.
More guys talk about the company, including Sabin and Magnus.
Cajones/Axl Rotter vs. ???/???
Cajones is of course Balls Mahoney. He issues an open challenge and it’s JOEL GERTNER. Ok this is at least an improvement. I think I smell Team 3D. Yep I’m right and they’re in tye-dye. Thankfully Joel does a poem which is funny. He looks…bad. Like even worse than before. It’s a South Philadelphia Street Fight in Orlando according to Ray.
They go split screen here for the sake of torturing us even better. Ray shouts at him and calls him Balls because that’s ok I guess. We go into the crowd for fun. This is “hardcore” I guess with mainly just punching and random shots with weak weapons. We bring in some more traditional weapons back in the ring. The announcers are of course cracking up over everything here instead of selling it like a hardcore match.
Frying pan to the head of Balls. And Mahoney breaks out a damn toy lightsaber. And so does Bubba. I hate this show. I truly do. Axl botches a reverse DDT on Bubba and Nutcracker Suite to D-Von gets two. The fans want flaming tables. They get a chair duel instead. The referee tries a double clothesline on the team that isn’t the Dudleys. It fails, much like this match.
The Dudleys bring in a table and Gertner has lighter fluid. Balls goes through it, ending this mess.
Team 3D says they’re the best in the world and cue The Gangstas. They beat the hell out of each other and then hug.
Raven talks about his past with Dreamer where they were kids together and Dreamer was a jock. Raven slept with a girl Tommy liked and then the girl left Raven for Dreamer. That was Beaulah in case you don’t know that somehow.
Jesse Neal liked the little that he saw of ECW.
Kaz wanted to be in ECW.
Joey Styles should be here but isn’t. Everyone talks about him. This is so stupid. They make it sound like he’s dead.
Raven vs. Tommy Dreamer
For no apparent reason, Foley is the referee. Beaulah is here and is still hot. The fans chant Uncle Scotty to complete this joke. They do the drop toehold spot and Dreamer gets beaten up in front of his kids. Dreamer might be the first guy to bleed tonight. It’s your usual stuff here with the beatdown that isn’t that great but the history makes it watchable. Raven is busted.
The signs are brought in as is the ladder. They do some decent stuff with that for two for Raven. Dreamer Driver gets no cover. We finally get to the barbed wire which is wrapped around Raven’s face. He taps but the BWO runs in to make sure it doesn’t count. This needs a Sandman run-in. Down goes Foley for no apparent reason. Raven Effect gets two. Or is it the Even Flow? Whatever.
Foley and Socko, which they can’t say, takes down Raven and that guy from earlier that we couldn’t recognize in the Blue Meanie skit runs down with a top rope leg drop for Dreamer. Allegedly his name is Lupus? Mandible Claw with wire to Raven of course doesn’t put him down and he cuffs Dreamer.
Beaulah comes in to stop the Rock/Foley ending in the Last Man Standing match which doesn’t work. Dreamer manages to DDT Raven while cuffed behind his back for two. Raven hits Dreamer in the knee with the chair and a DDT on it ends this. Yes, Dreamer jobbed to Raven in the final encounter. I am about to give up.
The Gangstas hit on So Cal Val and make racial jokes. Borash is New Jack’s bitch now.
We talk about Heyman and say stuff we’ve all heard before.
Sabu vs. Rob Van Dam
It’s 10:15 so hopefully we’re out before half past the hour. Other than that this is going to go WAY too long. Fonzie is in a yellow jacket and RVD comes out first. The fans say this is classic. Sabu is bald. They start out with a feeling out process because they know each other so well. Sabu does his point to the sky and RVD does his pointing. It would be nice if they actually did something.
In an interesting thing Fonzie sends a chair in but does it right down the middle. We hit the crowd for a bit as the chanting is just idiotic. Sabu botches….something and then the camel clutch is on. The bald guy doesn’t look half bad all things considered. With both guys down, Fonzie throws both of them a bottle of water. Both get tables as a result. Oh this isn’t going to end well.
Van Dam hits some slingshot legdrops and Fonzie tries to revive Sabu. Sabu hits a rana to send RVD into a chair in the middle of the ring. It looked totally fake but not bad at the same time. Clutch is on again for like 2 seconds. Triple Jump Moonsault is blocked by Van Dam and Sabu is bleeding from somewhere. Van Assassin hits (the one footed dropkick into the chair while the guy is crotched) and Sabu to the floor.
Ok so that lasts like a second and we’re back now. Morrison, watch an RVD match to see how you do the split legged moonsault, I beg of you. Rolling Thunder to the chair hits for two. Five Star ends it.
The locker room empties and we have a beer bash, which isn’t like that other show at all. The crowd chants FUCK YOU VINCE and Dixie gets in the ring. Bubba takes her on a victory lap to end the show.
Results
FBI b. Simon Diamond/Kid Kash/Swinger – Kiss of Death to Simon
2 Cold Scorpio b. CW Anderson – Tumbleweed
Stevie Richards b. P.J. Polaco – Stevie Kick
Rhyno b. Brother Runt and Al Snow – Gore to Runt
Team 3D b. Cajones/Axl Rotten – Powerbomb through a flaming table
Raven b. Tommy Dreamer – DDT
Rob Van Dam b. Sabu – Five Star Frog Splash
Quick Results
Raw
Edge vs. Wade Barrett went to a no contest – Edge ran off
Alicia Fox/Jillian Hall/Tamina b. Gail Kim/Eve Torres/Natalya – Axe Kick to Natalya
Sheamus b. Goldust – High Cross
John Cena b. Chris Jericho – STFU
Great Khali b. Ted DiBiase – Vice Grip
Randy Orton b. The Miz - RKO
NXT
Lucky Cannon won a kissing contest
Husky Harris b. Kaval – Senton Back Splash
Michael McGillicutty b. Lucky Cannon – McGillicutter
Alex Riley b. Percy Watson – TKO
Impact
Hamada/Taylor Wilde b. The Beautiful People – Dropkick into a chair to Lacey
AJ Styles b. Rob Terry – Springboard 450 Splash
Motor City Machine Guns b. Beer Money – Sabin grabbed the X
D’Angelo Dinero b. Orlando Jordan – DDE
Ric Flair b. Jay Lethal – Belt shot from Douglas Williams
Rob Van Dam/Tommy Dreamer b. Abyss/Raven – Five Star Frog Splash to Raven
Smackdown
Cody Rhodes b. Matt Hardy – Cross Roads
Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston – Zig Zag
Joey Mercury/Luke Gallows/CM Punk b. JTG/Chris Masters/MVP – Big Boot to MVP
Rey Mysterio b. Drew McIntyre - Rollup
Hardcore Justice
FBI b. Simon Diamond/Kid Kash/Swinger – Kiss of Death to Simon
2 Cold Scorpio b. CW Anderson – Tumbleweed
Stevie Richards b. P.J. Polaco – Stevie Kick
Rhyno b. Brother Runt and Al Snow – Gore to Runt
Team 3D b. Cajones/Axl Rotten – Powerbomb through a flaming table
Raven b. Tommy Dreamer – DDT
Rob Van Dam b. Sabu – Five Star Frog Splash
Heyman won’t be at Hardcore Justice but Sabu will be.
Haas and Benjamin are going to ROH.
Raw
Date: August 2, 2010
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
We open with a recap of the calamity that was Cena’s team last week. They need to flesh out the card a bit for Summerslam. This show is taped last week. I wonder if that’s going to make a difference in how the show comes off.
Miz vs. Orton tonight.
Debut of the trailer for Cena’s new movie tonight.
And here’s Edge. He blames the fans for a lot of stuff but more or less takes over the Raw team as everyone else has. Edge says that the team is crumbling before his eyes and challenges Barrett to a match where he wants no interference. Here’s R-Truth who says Edge doesn’t want to listen to Cena. Truth says Edge will listen to him and that Edge has never had to fight for anything. Edge threatens to spear him and it’s E-mail time. Edge vs. Barrett is next.
Wade Barrett vs. Edge
See I told you it was next. Barrett beats on him slowly and is oddly dominant. It’s weird to see these guys in an opener like this but it’s hard to complain really. Now if this was Impact…..never mind. Edge gets a shot in to take Barrett down and I continue to marvel over his eyes. They’re always great when he’s in a zone. Edge goes for the Edgecution but is blocked.
Edge is wrestling like the older Edge here which is a very good thing for him. Wasteland is countered into the Edgecution but obviously dropping him on his head isn’t enough since we need a spear. The fans chant for Barrett but he calls for Nexus and Edge bails like an intelligent man, I guess giving us a no contest.
After a break Edge is looking for Cena and is pissed at Cena for not helping. He quits the team and Jericho is next to Cena. Jericho wants a match with Cena, loser leaves the team. Cena freaks but I guess agrees to it.
Summerslam Recall is Bret winning his first IC Title in what was indeed a great match.
Morrison and Khali are in the back and Morrison talks about movies like the Magnificent Seven, but Khali says there were also the Seven Dwarves. Khali vs. DiBiase later. And HERE THEY COME! Ah it’s just Tarver and Otunga.
Natayla/Eve Torres/Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox/Jillian Hall/Tamina
Gail vs. Jillian to start and they call Gail a former women’s champion. I guess we’re just not going to talk about Jillian’s win anymore? This is your standard Divas match with no one caring at all until we get to the big brawl at the end. With six girls plus the Bellas and Maryse, how does this division suck so badly? A huge brawl lets Alicia kick Natalya in the head to end it. Alicia runs her mouth and says she’s beaten everyone. Cue Melina’s return and that gorgeous jet black hair. Alicia gets beaten up by “an all time great”. That’s just funny.
Sheamus vs. Goldust
Orton had one of these last week so this makes sense. We lash back to last year when Sheamus was beating Goldust on ECW. Irish Curse and it’s all Sheamus so far. Brogue Kick and High Cross end it. No rating as it was just to show off his dominance and it was like 2 minutes long. I love these though so I’d rate it high.
Sheamus says he’s champion and that he’s awesome. Lots of mention of HHH which tells me that he’s not coming back for a few more weeks.
Chris Jericho vs. John Cena
Loser is gone from the team I guess. By my math Cena is about 837-0 against Jericho so I think I know where this is going. So apparently Cena has lost to Jericho in a one on one match one time: July of 02, which was Cena’s second televised match. Something tells me Cena wins here but I’m not sure. After some basic back and forth stuff Jericho hits a Codebreaker to put Cena on the floor. He gets two as we hit a commercial.
The taped thing is hurting this a bit as we’re on our second show for both the workers and the crowd which is tiring. The problem here is that Cena doesn’t want to fight because he doesn’t want to tear the team apart even more than it already is. Jericho yells at Cena and calls him a stupid man. Fameasser from the top but Cena has a bad knee now. He’s wearing black shoes which is a weird look for him.
And there are the Walls on the bad knee. Cena reverses into the STF and Jericho taps before the hold is even on. Most interesting. It was intentional too as yeah the replay shows Cena doesn’t even have his hands hooked and Jericho taps.
Cena gets a mic and says he wants Jericho on the team but he won’t beg. Jericho doesn’t say anything and just walks off.
Back from break and Jericho and Edge are in a locker room. They respect each other and have an awkward moment. It’s E-Mail time though and it says Cena/Hart vs. Edge/Jericho on Raw with Nexus as lumberjacks.
Orton says he’s taken down HHH too and for a little longer. He wants Sheamus down there for the main event tonight.
We get the preview of Cena’s new movie. It’s about a guy teaching his brother how to amateur wrestle. It looks ok actually. Better than the ones where he’s a soldier.
Great Khali vs. Ted DiBiase
Barrett and Sheffield are here about a minute into this after nothing has happened. It lets Khali get the chop and vice for the win.
We get a thing about Will Ferrell and Mark Walhberg where the Bellas hit on Ferrell. He says they’re average for some reason. This is uh….weird.
The Miz vs. Randy Orton
Miz talks about how Orton is going to lose the title to him just after he wins it, which is his best case scenario. They’ve been doing a much better job about having the guys get mic time and it’s helping a lot I think. Orton beats him up a bit and Sheamus comes down to take us to commercial. Orton is dominating as we come back but Miz hits a big boot. OH COME ON.
Miz takes over for a bit and this is pretty much a formula match. Orton makes his standard comeback but Miz counters the DDT with a backdrop. Miz walks into an RKO to end it and Sheamus charges the ring as Orton is curled up in his stance, ending the show.
Results
Edge vs. Wade Barrett went to a no contest – Edge ran off
Alicia Fox/Jillian Hall/Tamina b. Gail Kim/Eve Torres/Natalya – Axe Kick to Natalya
Sheamus b. Goldust – High Cross
John Cena b. Chris Jericho – STFU
Great Khali b. Ted DiBiase – Vice Grip
Randy Orton b. The Miz - RKO
Tuesday
Samoa Joe has been suspended over his weight and backstage attitude.
Not sure when this interview came out but AJ Styles made some comments that were highly critical of TNA. Most interesting.
Raw was a 3.3
NXT
Date: August 3, 2010
Location: Laredo Energy Arena, Laredo, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews
We open with a recap of the poll from last week and the elimination of Cottonwood, followed by the huge brawl. Here are the rookies and tonight there’s a kissing contest. We need Divas for this so here comes Laycool. I could go for Michelle in shorts like that. Same with Layla. Michael is clearly pissed about this but this is the biggest pop Laycool has ever gotten. Seriously, how awesome would it be to have Michelle as your biology teacher?
Harris is first and never mind as they bring in a Laredo chick who is of course fat and ugly. The looks on the rookies’ faces are hilarious. Kaval’s eyes almost bugged out. Harris does go first and dips her back, apparently getting points from the judge.
Michael licks her face. I think I just lost points for him.
Lucky does a slow one.
Percy is fourth and it’s nothing special.
Kaval is PISSED and looks scared almost. Layla kisses the hell out of him and he can barely stand. He does it and looks sick.
Riley does a decent one and it’s judging time.
Lucky wins and gets…..nothing? Laycool lists off a bunch of diseases and Riley kisses her again. Uh…yeah.
Kaval vs. Husky Harris
After the whole kiss thing, Kaval better be awesome here. There’s another elimination next week. This is a rematch from last week I think. Kaval does a great counter as he gets slingshotted into the corner but lands on the bottom rope and immediately jumps down in a double stomp. A Rock Bottom and the back splash end it.
We recap Miz’s comments on McGillicutty and he says he wants Miz. Lucky wants Miz. Miz starts talking and says the winner might get a shot at him.
Lucky Cannon vs. Michael McGillicutty
This is maybe a minute long and the running neckbreaker (the McGillicutter) ends it.
We get the pros’ opinions on who the worst pros are. Kofi says Laycool because of the pink shirt. Laycool of course says Kofi.
Henry, drenched in sweat, says Ryder because his rookie was eliminated first.
Rhodes says Kofi because he’s going to lose the IC Title to Rhodes soon.
Ryder tries to talk but here’s Miz to say that the pros are all the worst. Miz and Morrison go at it with Miz saying Morrison has done nothing since they split up. That’s not exactly true but whatever.
Alex Riley vs. Percy Watson
Before we see a confessional from Watson where he says Riley is the hardest to get along with. This is a tame one and not in character which is something I want to see more of. This is a pretty good match actually with Watson’s glasses falling off. He’s got some charisma to say the least. A hot shot sets up the RKO for the pin. This was a lot better than it sounds. MVP looks bored out of his mind.
Michael McGillicutty vs. The Miz
This is yet another change for Cole to worship Miz. Something tells me Miz loses here for some reason though. Miz dominates for the most part but Michael hangs in there very nicely. Miz is said to have a HHH like knee lift. That would be nice if HHH had EVER used a running knee lift. McGillicutty goes OFF with punches in the corner and has Miz in trouble.
Oh I’m going two sections here. Oh yeah. And never mind that as the Skull Crushing Finale ends it.
Results
Lucky Cannon won a kissing contest
Husky Harris b. Kaval – Senton Back Splash
Michael McGillicutty b. Lucky Cannon – McGillicutter
Alex Riley b. Percy Watson – TKO
Wednesday
Nothing.
Thursday
The buyrates have come in for the last few shows and are terrible. Fatal Fourway did the second lowest buyrate in company history after only December to Dismember. That’s saying a lot.
Impact
Date: August 5, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: There’s No Place Like Home
We open the go home show to Hardcore Justice with a recap of last week’s show. Abyss says THEY are still coming and Dreamer got beaten up by Raven. Raven/Abyss vs. Dreamer/RVD later.
Dreamer is here and wants to talk to Raven. He says they’re friends now and his kids call him Uncle Scotty. Raven talks about knowing each other for 30 years and how he stole Raven’s girl. Dreamer’s kids should have been Raven’s, prompting a very funny look. This is at least a story for Sunday. They go at it and Abyss comes out. Then RVD comes out. Is anyone in the hardcore closet anymore? Raven Effect on the stage to Dreamer and it looks bad. Foley comes out and hits Raven with a barded wire bat. He’s the referee for Raven/Dreamer. Uh….why? What connection do they have to Foley?
Knockouts Tag Titles: Beautiful People vs. Hamada/Taylor Wilde
Well this is different. Lacey is gorgeous. Take a guess as to how good this is. Lacey does a backflip but lands on her ass. Allegedly it was an elbow drop but I fail to see it. Hamada and Taylor hug a lot. Madison is on the stage and here’s the biker chick. Madison’s boobs are EPIC. The referee gets nailed and you can make your own jokes. Taylor dropkicks a chair into the face of Lacey and they win the tag belts. Yeah I don’t care either.
TV Title: Rob Terry vs. AJ Styles
Kaz gets thrown out immediately. Terry chases him off and destroys AJ. We all know there’s no way AJ is losing here but he’s going to get squashed in the process. Mike and Tazz talk about all the people to hold the TV Title including Flair and Anderson. I really hope they don’t try to do this. Terry dominates and then AJ gets a low blow, the Pele and the 450 to win it. Not wild on that but definitely better than when he won the title.
Kurt talks about his Top Ten challenge thing in a good package.
Lethal talks about his street fight in a not so good package.
The BP fight in the back and Lacey gets her head slammed into a wall or something, freaking Velvey out.
Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Motor City Machine Guns
Roode talks to Sabin about how they have redefined the tag division but it’s about the titles. After a commercial to get here, we take a break after the promos. Beer Money might be growing on me. I’m not sure yet. Storm can’t climb because he’s drunk. This is more about fighting on the mat rather than going up the structure which is ok.
The BEER MONEY shout leads nowhere. Roode is busted open. He goes up but it doesn’t go anywhere. DAMN nice DDT on Roode by Shelley while Roode sold very well. Sabin and Storm both go up and Sabin gets a pretty nice rana. Beer Money does a nice spot as Roode does the crossing but Storm walks underneath him as a balance. Nicely done.
Standing Sliced Bread #2 on the apron. NICE. Roode goes up onto the structure above the cables and is walking on them. Sabin uses the traditional sense and crotches Roode making him land on his head. Sabin gets the X for the win.
Here are Hogan and Bischoff with their hot chick. They’re here to talk about the Whole F’N Show, which is the special they’re doing. Abyss vs. RVD in the board above the ring match for the title, Love vs. Rayne, AJ vs. Angle, Anderson vs. Pope vs. Morgan, Hardy has an open challenge, MCMG vs. Beer Money and I think that’s it.
Here’s Nash to stare down Hogan. He talks about how he’s tired of being ignored and Hogan/Bischoff say the old days of politics are over. Nash hits Bischoff and the old guys explode. Nash gets a chair and here comes Jarrett for the save. And Sting is back. Oh here we go again. Sting hits Jarrett in the face with the bat and he doesn’t go down. Sting and Nash leave together and Jarrett and Hogan are both out.
Orlando Jordan vs. D’Angelo Dinero
Jordan is still employed. Why is that? Well at least he’s a jobber now. That’s a big step in the right direction. Jordan is creepy for a bit and then we go at it. And here’s Eric Young to slide down the ramp and try to get the money that drops down from the ceiling. DDE ends it soon after. Morgan beats up Dinero and Anderson saves. The security guards get in Anderson’s face.
Flair talks about winning tonight and how great it’s going to be.
Ric Flair vs. Jay Lethal
It’s a street fight. Flair is in a damn suit? If Fourtune interferes then Flair is suspended sans pay. This is your standard street fight with weak weapons. Flair is busted open. In other news, Velvet Skye has a name. Douglas Williams comes out for no apparent reason and there go Flair’s pants. The underwear have pink flowers on them.
Lethal beats him with a belt and Lethal throws his pants and socks into the crowd. Flair has one shoe, one sock, and underwear with pink flowers. Second Flair Flop of the match. Williams pulls him to the floor and it goes nowhere. The underwear comes down and thankfully it’s censored. Hebner has to pull them up in a scene that is going to scar him for life. Lethal gets a foot on the rope after a belt shot from Williams but it gets knocked off and Flair wins. Flair is busted BAD.
RVD talks about how he has a tough schedule coming up. Jerry Lynn pops up and says he’s the opponent at Hardcore Justice.
Tommy Dreamer/Rob Van Dam vs. Abyss/Raven
We start it out on the ramp for a bit. Van Dam dives over the top rope to get at Abyss. Dreamer is in white boots here and has on an RVD shirt. This doesn’t go long at all as in maybe three minutes the Five Star ends it. I know I didn’t say much about it but nothing really happened.
Abyss goes crazy and beats everyone up so Richards and Rhyno come down for the save. Gore is blocked though and here comes Team 3D. Raven with a chair puts them down as they go for their namesake. The lights go out and it’s the Sandman, looking like complete and utter hell. I mean hell for Sandman, so let that sink in. Some guys bring out a cooler to end the show.
ECW guys talk about the days of ECW for three minutes to end the show.
Results
Hamada/Taylor Wilde b. The Beautiful People – Dropkick into a chair to Lacey
AJ Styles b. Rob Terry – Springboard 450 Splash
Motor City Machine Guns b. Beer Money – Sabin grabbed the X
D’Angelo Dinero b. Orlando Jordan – DDE
Ric Flair b. Jay Lethal – Belt shot from Douglas Williams
Rob Van Dam/Tommy Dreamer b. Abyss/Raven – Five Star Frog Splash to Raven
Friday
Impact did the same as it did last week: 1.2.
Smackdown
Date: August 6, 2010
Location: Laredo Energy Arena, Laredo, Texas
Commentators: Matt Striker, Michael Cole
The show opens with the theme song which is the point of it I guess.
Rey comes out first and is limping. Not that that means anything since it’s Rey and he feels no pain. I guess it has to do with the enlarged heart or something. He talks about last week’s show ending and how Kane chokeslammed him into the water. That was kind of cool I guess. He says Kane is crazy. No way Rey is a heel. It just wouldn’t work at all.
Drew comes out instead in a SWANK suit and red shirt. He says Rey is a criminal, which I’m guessing will set up a match later. Somehow this takes almost five minutes with Drew just bitching at Rey the whole time.
Matt Hardy vs. Cody Rhodes
Striker sings the theme song and manages to get in a Haiti Kid and a Moondog reference which is awesome for the 80s. Cody hides after Matt wins for a bit and we take a break. Cody has what looks like a wrist brace on. I can’t get into this match for some reason. Rhodes keeps using a crossface minus the arm trap. Cody looks up at himself on the big screen to make sure he looks good. That was funny.
This is another long match that is pretty decent. They keep talking about how Rhodes is a win away from being a title contender. That makes sense too as the midcard over there is heating up pretty well. Matt blocks a big slam move out of the corner but Cross Roads ends it. Well that was quick.
Trailer for Legendary, which doesn’t look bad.
Alberto del Rio has something to say. I wake up at the end of it.
Rosa isn’t good enough yet for Laycool. They argue over the title and literally rip it in half. They get the other belt back from Long (they just gave it to him) and therefore leave with one full belt and both halves of the other. No clue what was solved there.
Intercontinental Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston
Kofi is ticked off to start and Ziggler runs. This has been ALL Kofi in the opening minutes. Dolph has never won a title apparently, so I guess the tag belts don’t count? We take a break with Kofi completely dominating. I’m not sure why it’s taking me so long to get anything written here but I just can’t think of much to say about this show. After all that dominance of course, we come back to having Kofi in an armbar.
Is there a sale on yellow and black trunks lately? Between Kofi and Lethal I get a bit confused. Vickie gets up on the apron and gets caught with Trouble in Paradise. Vickie then comes in and nothing of note happens. Ziggler pops up and hits the Zig Zag to get the title. Holy no selling Batman. It’s a kick to the head! Well at least he lays down afterwards which is a plus. Kofi jumps him after the match and a BIG beatdown ensues.
Straight Edge Society is here. Show vs. the three males in the SES. They HAVE to win that. Everyone but Punk is happy and he demands them on their knees. Them getting happy makes Punk think they’re going to fall off the wagon, and if they do then they’re gone. He demands that they’ll be better and be happy when he says they’ll be happy.
Joey Mercury/Luke Gallows/CM Punk vs. JTG/Chris Masters/MVP
Sweet DAMN MVP has fallen a long way. Ballin doesn’t hit and a big boot from Gallows ends MVP. This was like a minute and a half long. I don’t think Masters was ever in the match at all.
Cody tells us how to trim our eyebrows.
More creepy Kane stuff and he doesn’t like Rey.
Rey Mysterio vs. Drew McIntyre
It’s 9:40 so this is going to get a lot of time. They mess up something which I think was supposed to be a clothesline and Rey is in trouble early. The fans chant Si Se Puede, meaning yes he can. Rey hits a nice running rana off the apron to the floor and Drew is in trouble as we go to a break.
Back from commercial and it’s Drew in control, including dropping Rey on the table in a painful looking spot. Drew dominating here even though there’s no way he’ll win is a nice touch. Even a brief comeback is stopped dead here. And then Rey gets a rollup off a springboard for the win. That’s how Drew needed to lose if he had to as he dominated a lot of the match here.
Rey says he has news but here comes Kane. Drew jumps Rey and backs him into the casket but Rey runs to the stage. Rey says it wasn’t him but rather Kane, to the shock of no one with a brain. Kane isn’t really doing anything but kind of sneers. He keeps saying no and falls to his knees, saying he loves his brother, ending the show.
Results
Cody Rhodes b. Matt Hardy – Cross Roads
Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston – Zig Zag
Joey Mercury/Luke Gallows/CM Punk b. JTG/Chris Masters/MVP – Big Boot to MVP
Rey Mysterio b. Drew McIntyre - Rollup
Saturday
Due to a back injury, Lynn is off the show. That’s not good at all.
Sunday
Tyler Black, the ROH Champion, might have signed with WWE.
Hardcore Justice
Date: August 8, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Tazz, Mike Tenay
This is the second return to PPV for ECW as they try to squeeze the final drop of blood out of the stone that was ECW. I really am not looking forward to this as it was built around two matches and one of those was canceled. It’s RVD vs. Sabu tonight which needs to stay under 8 minutes or so. Other than that we know a lot of names and that’s about it. Let’s get to it.
Tazz is here and says this is going to be EXTREME and that this is going to be awesome no matter what people say. Yeah I’m sure.
FBI vs. Kid Kash/Simon Diamond/Swinger
It’s Tony, Tracy and Guido. Yeah because Kash was SO important to ECW. Sal is somehow even fatter if that’s possible. Smothers looks AWFUL. It’s Tony Luke now instead of Mamaluke. Guido looks about the same. The lights are all dark and there’s this weird blue tint to it. Guido and Kash start us off. They point out that they can’t say certain names or letters. WOW.
Simon is HUGE and even Tazz suggests different attire. He stops halfway through the match and cuts a promo to which he gets a LOUD Shut the Fuck Up chant. He challenges them to a dance off. It’s somehow worse than it sounds. The non-FBI team breaks it up but Sal crushes them. Kash does a big dive to do something. Keep in mind we’re 20 minutes into this.
We get to a normal match now and it’s not bad. Seriously, we would have had to pay 45 dollars for this. Mamaluke is getting destroyed here and Diamond does something close to Three Amigos. Guido hits the Kiss of Death (Killswitch) to end it.
The announcers talk about Sabu being in the main event.
We have a Where Are They Now series tonight. That’s not a good sign.
Tod Gordon says goodbye. He’s fat.
Pitbull #1 says hi.
Blue Meanie is on a TNA PPV. Literally that’s all they’re saying.
They do their intros and then they come back. Pitbull says show them hardcore. Meanie says thank you. None of them are here or anything.
AJ liked ECW.
Love liked ECW but only saw the end.
Snow yells at Head for possibly causing legal issues with the show. Richards comes in and this is his night apparently. Nova (Simon Dean) shows up in his BWO apparel. He talks about getting the band back together and this is painful to watch. A fake Blue Meanie comes in and we’re told that it doesn’t matter if it’s not really him. Good night.
Hey look it’s a match.
CW Anderson vs. 2 Cold Scorpio
You know, because these two have SUCH a history together. They keep calling it the original era because they can’t say ECW, even though they do anyway. Oh this is wrestling. Just to be clear I guess. Amazingly enough, there’s next to nothing to talk about here. Scorpio was great in his time, but he was old in 99 and he’s very old now. This is kind of back and forth and really isn’t bad for the most part. Spinebuster gets two and the Tumbleweed ends it.
Madison liked ECW too.
Matt Morgan got to go to a bar where ECW guys came to. They have to call it the Philadelphia promotion. This is sad.
Anderson says ECW was doing other stuff.
RVD and Fonzie say they wish they had a chance to fight Lynn again. RVD wants a replacement and picks Sabu. Fonzie says he’ll call it right down the middle.
PJ Polaco vs. Stevie Richards
Richards has the BWO with them despite not being Big Stevie Cool here. The fans chant Polaco’s name (Justin Credible which I’ll be referring to him as) and then Stevie Richards. The fans want blood and an hour (almost) into it we haven’t had any. Justin hits a jumping spinning DDT which was one of his signature moves back in the day at least.
The fake Meanie is one of the Phi Delta Slam guys if anyone remembers them. He’s a security guard at times too. The matches here aren’t completely awful but this comes off as so low rent that it just can’t be taken seriously. And remember, this is TNA’s PPV offering this month. It’s not like the real PPV is next week or anything. This is it for August.
And That’s Incredible ends….nothing as Nova jumps up. Stevie Kick ends this in something that would NEVER have happened in the original company. The lights go out and Sandman is here to no music at all. White Russian Leg Sweep and Justin is back up before like a second. Cane shots put him down again.
Francine and her daughter are at home. She looks bad. Like really bad. She was hot back in the day and now this.
They pay tribute to the people that have died with a graphic and nothing more. No names, no faces, no anything.
Brother Runt vs. Al Snow vs. Rhyno
Runt is Spike Dudley of course and is nearly bald. This is elimination rules and better not break 8 minutes. Spike hits a dive that is ok after some basic stuff. He plays the role of the pinball of course and I still wonder what Snow has to do with this. Snow hits the trapping headbutts on Rhyno. TNA guys are watching in the back. Why they’re here is beyond me because they’re not wrestling.
Acid Drop to Rhyno is blocked and this needs to end fast. We’re on the floor again and you actually can’t see due to the lighting. The referee goes down and Head drills Rhyno. Spike does the Eddie chair thing by slamming the mat with it and throwing it to Rhyno. He and Snow do the same thing so they’re all down. Oh my head hurts. Acid Drop ends Snow and then the Gore ends the whole thing.
Foley is reading Hogan’s book and likes being the ref.
More guys talk about the company, including Sabin and Magnus.
Cajones/Axl Rotter vs. ???/???
Cajones is of course Balls Mahoney. He issues an open challenge and it’s JOEL GERTNER. Ok this is at least an improvement. I think I smell Team 3D. Yep I’m right and they’re in tye-dye. Thankfully Joel does a poem which is funny. He looks…bad. Like even worse than before. It’s a South Philadelphia Street Fight in Orlando according to Ray.
They go split screen here for the sake of torturing us even better. Ray shouts at him and calls him Balls because that’s ok I guess. We go into the crowd for fun. This is “hardcore” I guess with mainly just punching and random shots with weak weapons. We bring in some more traditional weapons back in the ring. The announcers are of course cracking up over everything here instead of selling it like a hardcore match.
Frying pan to the head of Balls. And Mahoney breaks out a damn toy lightsaber. And so does Bubba. I hate this show. I truly do. Axl botches a reverse DDT on Bubba and Nutcracker Suite to D-Von gets two. The fans want flaming tables. They get a chair duel instead. The referee tries a double clothesline on the team that isn’t the Dudleys. It fails, much like this match.
The Dudleys bring in a table and Gertner has lighter fluid. Balls goes through it, ending this mess.
Team 3D says they’re the best in the world and cue The Gangstas. They beat the hell out of each other and then hug.
Raven talks about his past with Dreamer where they were kids together and Dreamer was a jock. Raven slept with a girl Tommy liked and then the girl left Raven for Dreamer. That was Beaulah in case you don’t know that somehow.
Jesse Neal liked the little that he saw of ECW.
Kaz wanted to be in ECW.
Joey Styles should be here but isn’t. Everyone talks about him. This is so stupid. They make it sound like he’s dead.
Raven vs. Tommy Dreamer
For no apparent reason, Foley is the referee. Beaulah is here and is still hot. The fans chant Uncle Scotty to complete this joke. They do the drop toehold spot and Dreamer gets beaten up in front of his kids. Dreamer might be the first guy to bleed tonight. It’s your usual stuff here with the beatdown that isn’t that great but the history makes it watchable. Raven is busted.
The signs are brought in as is the ladder. They do some decent stuff with that for two for Raven. Dreamer Driver gets no cover. We finally get to the barbed wire which is wrapped around Raven’s face. He taps but the BWO runs in to make sure it doesn’t count. This needs a Sandman run-in. Down goes Foley for no apparent reason. Raven Effect gets two. Or is it the Even Flow? Whatever.
Foley and Socko, which they can’t say, takes down Raven and that guy from earlier that we couldn’t recognize in the Blue Meanie skit runs down with a top rope leg drop for Dreamer. Allegedly his name is Lupus? Mandible Claw with wire to Raven of course doesn’t put him down and he cuffs Dreamer.
Beaulah comes in to stop the Rock/Foley ending in the Last Man Standing match which doesn’t work. Dreamer manages to DDT Raven while cuffed behind his back for two. Raven hits Dreamer in the knee with the chair and a DDT on it ends this. Yes, Dreamer jobbed to Raven in the final encounter. I am about to give up.
The Gangstas hit on So Cal Val and make racial jokes. Borash is New Jack’s bitch now.
We talk about Heyman and say stuff we’ve all heard before.
Sabu vs. Rob Van Dam
It’s 10:15 so hopefully we’re out before half past the hour. Other than that this is going to go WAY too long. Fonzie is in a yellow jacket and RVD comes out first. The fans say this is classic. Sabu is bald. They start out with a feeling out process because they know each other so well. Sabu does his point to the sky and RVD does his pointing. It would be nice if they actually did something.
In an interesting thing Fonzie sends a chair in but does it right down the middle. We hit the crowd for a bit as the chanting is just idiotic. Sabu botches….something and then the camel clutch is on. The bald guy doesn’t look half bad all things considered. With both guys down, Fonzie throws both of them a bottle of water. Both get tables as a result. Oh this isn’t going to end well.
Van Dam hits some slingshot legdrops and Fonzie tries to revive Sabu. Sabu hits a rana to send RVD into a chair in the middle of the ring. It looked totally fake but not bad at the same time. Clutch is on again for like 2 seconds. Triple Jump Moonsault is blocked by Van Dam and Sabu is bleeding from somewhere. Van Assassin hits (the one footed dropkick into the chair while the guy is crotched) and Sabu to the floor.
Ok so that lasts like a second and we’re back now. Morrison, watch an RVD match to see how you do the split legged moonsault, I beg of you. Rolling Thunder to the chair hits for two. Five Star ends it.
The locker room empties and we have a beer bash, which isn’t like that other show at all. The crowd chants FUCK YOU VINCE and Dixie gets in the ring. Bubba takes her on a victory lap to end the show.
Results
FBI b. Simon Diamond/Kid Kash/Swinger – Kiss of Death to Simon
2 Cold Scorpio b. CW Anderson – Tumbleweed
Stevie Richards b. P.J. Polaco – Stevie Kick
Rhyno b. Brother Runt and Al Snow – Gore to Runt
Team 3D b. Cajones/Axl Rotten – Powerbomb through a flaming table
Raven b. Tommy Dreamer – DDT
Rob Van Dam b. Sabu – Five Star Frog Splash
Quick Results
Raw
Edge vs. Wade Barrett went to a no contest – Edge ran off
Alicia Fox/Jillian Hall/Tamina b. Gail Kim/Eve Torres/Natalya – Axe Kick to Natalya
Sheamus b. Goldust – High Cross
John Cena b. Chris Jericho – STFU
Great Khali b. Ted DiBiase – Vice Grip
Randy Orton b. The Miz - RKO
NXT
Lucky Cannon won a kissing contest
Husky Harris b. Kaval – Senton Back Splash
Michael McGillicutty b. Lucky Cannon – McGillicutter
Alex Riley b. Percy Watson – TKO
Impact
Hamada/Taylor Wilde b. The Beautiful People – Dropkick into a chair to Lacey
AJ Styles b. Rob Terry – Springboard 450 Splash
Motor City Machine Guns b. Beer Money – Sabin grabbed the X
D’Angelo Dinero b. Orlando Jordan – DDE
Ric Flair b. Jay Lethal – Belt shot from Douglas Williams
Rob Van Dam/Tommy Dreamer b. Abyss/Raven – Five Star Frog Splash to Raven
Smackdown
Cody Rhodes b. Matt Hardy – Cross Roads
Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston – Zig Zag
Joey Mercury/Luke Gallows/CM Punk b. JTG/Chris Masters/MVP – Big Boot to MVP
Rey Mysterio b. Drew McIntyre - Rollup
Hardcore Justice
FBI b. Simon Diamond/Kid Kash/Swinger – Kiss of Death to Simon
2 Cold Scorpio b. CW Anderson – Tumbleweed
Stevie Richards b. P.J. Polaco – Stevie Kick
Rhyno b. Brother Runt and Al Snow – Gore to Runt
Team 3D b. Cajones/Axl Rotten – Powerbomb through a flaming table
Raven b. Tommy Dreamer – DDT
Rob Van Dam b. Sabu – Five Star Frog Splash