klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Smackdown got a 2.0, up slightly from last week.
Monday Night Raw
Date: May 2, 2011
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Jerry Lawler
It’s the Rock’s birthday tonight and the Great One is on Raw. We also have a new WWE Champion as Cena ended Miz’s title reign last night at Extreme Rules. With just three weeks before Over the Limit they’re kind of in a hurry to get to the buildup for the next PPV. Also tonight is a dual branded show so the Smackdown crew is here, including the new World Heavyweight Champion, Christian. Also given the news with Osama bin Laden last night you can almost guarantee some patriotic themed stuff. Let’s get to it.
The show opens with a video about 9/11 and how bin Laden is dead. That just makes you smile a little bit. We get a clip of the 9/13 show which is still pretty awesome. Lillian Garcia is here to sing the National Anthem. Still incredible.
Here’s your theme song as performed by a Canadian band.
Miz vs. Cena for the title tonight.
Screw that though: here’s Rock to open the show, naturally in the flag Brahma Bull shirt. Talk about being on top of the world: his movie DESTROYED everyone else at the box office this week and the bin Laden capture, his birthday, and he’s currently penciled in for a world title shot at Wrestlemania. Not bad. He looks rather happy to be here and emotional at the same time.
After a very lengthy entrance it’s time to talk. Finally he’s back home. Before he gets started though, he has one thing to say: WE GOT HIM! He thanks the troops and leads the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance. Rock talks about growing up in Miami and being in school here, including a picture of him with a mustache and small afro. “Laugh at it all you want but that face devoured more pie than King Kong Bundy in a Polish bakery.”
Now it’s time for college, where he was a Hurricane for The U (his words). He talks about how awesome the university was and back in the day, that place was the best football school on the planet. Awesome academic school also. Rock says story time is over and it’s time to party. There’s an e-mail but Rock cuts Cole off, saying if you have a message for the Rock, say it to his face.
Various insults follow and Cole says he’s a man now. He’s a winner and says he associates himself with winners. Cole takes his jacket and shirt off, revealing a Boston Celtics jersey, which is the team the Miami Heat are playing in the playoffs. The ironic part of this is Miami is up 1-0 so Garnett isn’t even a winner at the moment. Cole says he’ll deliver the message to Dwayne’s face.
The GM wants an apology due to Rock embarrassing the GM at Mania or the party is shut down. Cole wants one also for all of the embarrassments over the years. Rock agrees, and apologizes, somehow managing to draw boos from this crowd. Rock’s handshake is very slowly accepted but Rock isn’t pleased with the jersey. Rock says Go Heat and it’s a Rock Bottom for Cole. With the U hand signal here’s the People’s Elbow.
Rock’s music starts but he cuts it off. He brings out someone named Pitbull who is apparently a rapper from Miami. The fans seem to be into him. He performs a song and the Miami Heat dancers come out to perform with him.
Morrison vs. Truth up next.
LeBron James and Dwayne Wade say happy birthday Rock. Ok that’s kind of a big deal.
John Morrison vs. R-Truth
JR has replaced Cole (ten weeks of a rotating commentary team in a row) on commentary. Truth jumps Morrison during his entrance and sends him head first into the floor. Morrison has allegedly injured his neck as referees carry him out. He walks out but is going very slowly. No match. Truth jumps him again and gives him another Downward Spiral with Morrison’s head coming nowhere near the stage on the impact.
Jimmy Kimmel wishes Rock a happy birthday and we get an oily men in underwear reference. Also there’s candy in his pants. You figure the joke out yourself.
Kelly Kelly vs. Maryse
Kelly looking GOOD tonight. And never mind as Kharma comes out after about 10 seconds. Kelly had taken Maryse down already and then just sat there for like 40 seconds as Kharma came down. She deserves to die them. Implant Buster to Maryse as Kharma just leaves Kelly alone. No match again.
Miz yells at Riley for not being there last night. He’s late tonight due to the crowd of people for Rock’s birthday. Riley better be there tonight.
Paul Walker says happy birthday to the Rock and makes some bad Cena references. He does call him Fruity Pebbles though.
Samuel L. Jackson says happy birthday and says Rock is from another planet. Planet 51 perhaps? He would run through a lion’s den with steak underwear on. Wow indeed.
Rock is with the Divas and talks about singing happy birthday to Michelle Obama. There’s a bit party going on in the back and various people make cameos. Kozlov has a movie script for him and Santino comes up as….oh ok it’s Rock’s character from Fast 5. Horny runs in as the Scorpion King. He has a tooth ache apparently, so……oh sweet merciful goodness here’s Khali in a pink tooth fairy dress with wings and a tiara. He says you can’t handle the tooth. Ron Simmons pops up and there’s only one thing to say. Cute comedy segment but that dress is going to haunt my nightmares.
Cena vs. Miz next.
Steve Carrell wishes Rock a forced (literally) happy birthday. He says this is against his will and he doesn’t like Dwayne. He was promised money and has received none. This is against his will and he doesn’t endorse Johnson.
Raw World Title: John Cena vs. The Miz
We get big match intros for this as I can’t believe we’re over halfway done with the show. Miz grabs a headlock to start and that gets him nowhere. Cena fights back and gets a dropkick for one. Almost all Cena here and he takes down Riley also. Miz hammers away and the referee pulls him off, allowing Riley to get a shot in. A shot into the steps gets two.
Corner clothesline hits by the former champ as the fans are split. Double axe off the top hits for two as we take a break. Back with Miz in control, getting a neckbreaker for two. Cena comes back with his usual stuff and the Shuffle gets two. Miz fights out of the AA and is holding his shoulder. Big boot puts Cena down but a second attempt is countered into the STF. Rope is grabbed though and Miz gets a low DDT for two.
There goes a turnbuckle pad as the referee is apparently blind. Cena blocks the shot into it but can’t get the AA again. Reality Check gets two. This is better than it sounds as they’re not making Miz look like a joke. The Finale is blocked and Miz is knocked into the referee. STF goes on and Miz taps. Riley comes in with the briefcase and it goes into Cena’s ribs. Finale hits for a VERY close two. Crowd is into this big time.
Miz walks into the AA and THAT gets two. I would have bet money on that one. Ok probably not but you get the idea. Riley distracts again and a belt shot by Miz GETS THE PIN! What just happened? Miz has the title behind his back and the referee is confused. The fall came at 12:15 if you’re curious. The referee waves the fall off because he sees the belt. CHEAP! Not only that, Miz LOSES by DQ because there was a belt in the ring. I hate how WWE changes rules every five minutes like this. Drives me crazy.
Cena beats them both up post match.
Ellen Degeneres fails to come up with a good catchphrase but says happy birthday.
Tyler Perry wishes Rock happy birthday. He does some Madea also.
We get a clip from after the PPV went off the air last night with Cena making the announcement that Osama had been killed. He said compromised to a permanent end instead of killed/assassinated though.
Ricardo does the full entrance for Alberto but he’s in a suit (and a Rolls Royce). He’s doing commentary for the following tag match.
Rey Mysterio/Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger/Drew McIntyre
Swagger and McIntyre have a pose in the aisle which looked uh……how do I put this…….think of Billy and Chuck. Swagger vs. Rey to start us off and it’s off to Kofi quickly. Big boot takes Kofi down and we take a break. Back with Swagger having a crossface chickenwing broken up as he tags in Drew. Kofi rolls him up for two and McIntyre does the same.
Swagger takes over again as Alberto says Rey isn’t a real Mexican. Off to Rey who cleans house and gets two on McIntyre. Trouble in Paradise to McIntyre sets up the 619. Alberto gets up and Rey glares at the villain, but instead just goes with a top rope splash (called a senton by JR) to end it at 8:40.
WWE had an anti-bullying rally and started an organization in Washington DC. Yes, we get it: bullying is bad.
Ludacris wishes Rock happy birthday.
Dan Marino says the basics.
Rock congratulates the new World Heavyweight Champion, Christian. That’s his cameo I guess. Vickie comes in with Dolph and they have a present for him. It’s a cake that’s about five feet tall. He loves pie so they pull it back and there’s Mae Young who looks….well she looks like Mae Young. They laugh and Rock says shut up. Rock says Vickie can lose all the weight she wants and she’ll never be as beautiful as Mae Young. Rock kisses Mae full on the lips and says he gets more pie in one night than Dolph gets in a lifetime.
Rock turns around and sees John Cena. The Divas aren’t even paying attention. Cena has a gift for Rock which he can only get from Cena. It’s the WWE Championship, which he’s going to keep until Wrestlemania. If Rock wants it, he has to go through Cena. Rock says just bring it. Cool moment as always with these two.
Kane vs. Mason Ryan next.
George Lopez has some coupons for Rock for his birthday. Ok then.
Mason Ryan vs. Kane
Kane gets shoved to the floor to start and a clothesline puts Kane down. After Kane gets beaten down with slams and various other power stuff, Punk comes in for the DQ at 1:38. Nexus runs out for the beatdown and Kane fights them off. Ryan casually breaks a chokeslam which was impressive. Show comes down and Ryan spears him down with ease. Ryan leaves without Nexus who look at him and aren’t happy.
Rock’s party is up next. It’s 11:00 and we’re going to a commercial.
Regis and Kelly say happy birthday.
Craig Ferguson says happy birthday.
Everyone in the front row has birthday hats on now. Rock says he's happy to be a son of Miami and a proud Hurricane. Rock's family is in the front row. He promises that Wrestlemania will be the biggest of all time. Here's Vince of all people. He talks about a day a long time ago when Rock said he could make WWE reach new levels and Rock has done it.
Vince wants to thank Rock for being the Rock and for coming home. There's a present for him and it's a video about his career and life, set to I'm Coming Home by Diddy Dirty Money. There are some awesome old school videos from him as a football player and with various people such as Andre the Giant and Muhammad Ali as a kid.
Back in the arena Maya is here to sing Happy Birthday to Rock. The catchphrase finally takes us out as streamers and confetti fall.
Results
John Morrison vs. R-Truth went to a no contest when R-Truth jumped Morrison
Kelly Kelly vs. Maryse went to a no contest when Kharma interfered
John Cena b. The Miz via DQ when Miz hit Cena with the WWE Championship
Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio b. Drew McIntyre/Jack Swagger – Mysterio pinned McIntyre after a top rope splash
Kane b. Mason Ryan via DQ when CM Punk interfered
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.4. Wow.
NXT
Date: May 3, 2011
Location: Amway Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Todd Grisham, William Regal
We’re here for week 9 I think of this season and tonight we get the blowoff (I guess) to one of the season’s biggest angles (kind of) as Regal faces Novak. I’d bet on seeing a lot about last night’s Raw and in particular the birthday party for Rock. Something tells me this is going to be more of the same stuff we’ve seen all season long, which means this show will just kind of be there. Let’s get to it.
Theme song talks about the theme of the show in a musical format.
Darren Young vs. Chavo Guerrero
Horny is guest referee for no apparent reason. Titus is on commentary for no apparent reason. I’m having some connection issues here so there’s a chance this is going to be spotty at times. I’ll do my best though. Horny checks every bit of Young’s attire including his hair. Apparently he has an illegal boot so Darren has to fight in one boot. Horny stomps on his foot and we’re ready to go.
Titus and Regal debate the merits of wrestling barefoot which is just weird to hear from Titus. He has a VERY deep voice that almost makes him hard to understand but once you get used to that he’s well spoken and makes some decent points. Chavo dominates to start with basic stuff and throws on an armbar. And there goes my feed. Back with Chavo “hitting” a dive to the floor and by that I mean he mostly crashed and his leg hit Young. We take an actual break after that.
Back after maybe 10 seconds with another armbar by Chavo. We hit the floor again as my feed continues to be choppy. I’m sorry about this guys but we’re having some weather issues here tonight. Young takes over and fires Chavo into the ring, only to get caught by right hands. Young gets a cover and Horny won’t count at a regular speed for him. Regal is in wrestling gear at ringside.
Darren gets in the face of Titus for a bit as Horny still won’t count. Young keeps pounding away and we hit the chinlock. Chavo gets a sweet dropkick and a headscissors to take over a bit. Horny counts for him but gets knocked down on a reversed suplex so he can’t count a Northern Lights Suplex for Young. And Horny bites Young on what’s about eye level for him, setting up Three Amigos and the Frog Splash to end this at 9:15. I missed roughly a minute and a half of that if you’re curious.
We see O’Brian and Kozlov talking earlier today about Kozlov saying O’Brian needs special skills. Kozlov demonstrates his special skills by breaking a board over his head. O’Brian does the same but might need a doctor.
Conor O’Brian vs. Lucky Cannon
O’Brian grabs a headlock to start as it’s a feeling out process. Let the boringness begin here as there’s nothing of note going on. Cannon puts on a headscissor choke as we’re just waiting to get to the end of the match. O’Brian is a guy that would do FAR better in an old school system as he could develop a character in indy companies and then come back to WWE a few years later. The problem is he has nothing at all that distinguishes him from any generic wrestler. Anyway, O’Brian makes a small comeback but Kidd interferes and the reverse FU/Death Valley Driver ends it at 4:11.
We recap the Kharma thing last night to explain why Maryse isn’t here. Anything that lets me see Kelly in those shorts is a good thing.
Saxton comes up to Yoshi and apologizes for attacking him last week. He wants to fix their relationship but Yoshi cuts him off, saying he needs to check on Maryse. Saxton says that’s enough and he’s on his own now.
William Regal vs. Jacob Novak
It’s 10:30 and this is your main event, meaning we’re getting a LONG Rock video to end it. Striker is on commentary for this. Novak tries to talk like JTG and my head hurts. He says that Regal is just an announcer so he means nothing. Novak is going to make him famous. Just….no. Regal calls JTG a Muppet so the match is switched.
William Regal vs. JTG
Oh joy. Basic match to start as Regal does what he can with the jobber heel (I guess?). Regal sends him to the floor and JTG stalls. Back in Novak cheats and it does nothing. About three minutes have passed already and there’s just nothing to say about this match because there’s almost no point to these two fighting. Regal gets the knee trembler and Novak runs in for the DQ at 6:00.
We get a long recap video of last night’s Raw set to a combination of I’m Coming Home by Diddy Dirty Money and Pitbull’s song. We also see Cole getting beat up.
Results
Chavo Guerrero b. Darren Young – Frog Splash
Lucky Cannon b. Conor O’Brian – Fireman’s carry into a mat slam
William Regal b. JTG via disqualification when Jacob Novak interfered
Wednesday
Apparently the main thing holding up a deal to keep CM Punk in WWE is he wants to retain the rights to his name which surprisingly he still has.
Thursday
Impact
Date: May 5, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz
Episode Title: The Network is Coming
We’ve got two weeks before Sacrifice and things are starting to take shape before the PPV. The main thing from last week to carry over here is the possibility of Angle’s mistress being revealed. Aside from that though there really isn’t much to talk about for tonight’s show. I’d assume some more matches will be officially announced for the PPV but that’s about it. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the Network issues as Hogan is ticked off about the whole thing. The episode is called The Network is Coming. Gee that doesn’t sound familiar at all.
We open with Sting and RVD coming to the ring and see that Immortal is in the ring waiting on them. Snow, Diamond and Brown come out to prevent the fight which the fans want to see. Hogan says that if Sting knows something about the representative, tell him right now. There’s going to be a representative here next week and he, no SHE will be here to talk to Hogan face to face.
Hogan tries to charge Sting and Van Dam but D’lo Brown holds Hulkster back. That doesn’t last though as Immortal jumps the agents and the fight is on. Fourtune comes out to even the sides and clear the ring. Roode takes the mic and says the usual stuff about Fourtune building the company and Hogan/Bischoff cashing in on their work. He thought he knew Hogan but this Hogan has no pride. Roode earns his pay and puts food in his kids’ mouth. He’s a blue collar worker and has earned what he has. What has Hogan earned?
Roode references Jay Lethal’s recent release (called a firing here) and says that Lethal was a guy that did what he asked every single week. I guess that means when he actually got on TV. Roode says his name is Bobby Roode and things are going to start to change next week. Nice to see someone get some mic time in Fourtune other than Daniels or Styles.
The Jarretts get Velvet out of the shower and say Hogan has let them issue an ultimatum and she needs to get to the ring now.
Matt Hardy says he was/is one half of the best tag teams of all time. He’s going to give someone a call and that person is going to come and the two of them will challenge Beer Money for the tag titles.
Suicide vs. Sangriento
Suicide controls to start until Sangriento (means bloody or bloodthirsty) gets a DDT onto the apron. And of course a random masked luchador is nothing at all like Sin Cara in the slightest. Sin Cara is an actual superstar in Mexico as opposed to a made up character here.
Suicide hits his usual unique offense which can’t keep Sangriento down though. Middle rope dropkick to the back of the head and a rana from the middle rope both get two for Sangriento. Suicide fights back and tries his half breed cousin of the Angle Slam. Sangriento counters and gets a cool looking move as he springboards off the middle rope (think a Lionsault) but goes backwards into a cutter to end this at 3:50. Cool ending.
Hogan and Bischoff try to figure out who the representative is and think it could be Flair. Sting said the one coming next week was female but also said that it was a representative and not necessarily the representative so that’s not a plot hole.
Back with Mexican America in the ring and it’s time for their Cinco de Mayo celebration. They talk about the history of the holiday which is in memory of the Mexican army winning a major battle. Sarita calls in the Spanish announce team and say bring their own tequila, which they happen to have. The team is Hector Guerrero (Eddie’s big brother) and Willie Urbina (not sure on the spelling of that).
Anarquia doesn’t like Urbina because he’s Puerto Rican and not Mexican. They take him down and Hector isn’t happy. Anarquia looks a lot like Chavo. The heels threaten Hector and Ink Inc of all people come out for the save. They say get out and hold up the flag. I guess we’re just supposed to forget the issues they were having when Shannon was being a jerk?
Christopher Daniels/AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray/Gunner
Gunner is being pushed as the stopper for Immortal. Ray and Daniels start but Daniels tags out almost immediately to let AJ fight Ray but the Bully runs off to bring in Gunner. The good guys work over Gunner until Ray interferes and we enter the tag team formula. Mickie is defending the title against Tessmacher later tonight. She gets a title match why exactly?
After Daniels gets beaten down for a bit it’s hot tag to AJ who cleans house, hitting the springboard forearm to Gunner. Pele looks to set up the springboard 450 but Ray breaks it up and everything breaks down. The fans want D-Von as Ray gets his chain. Tommy Dreamer runs in for the save…..and piledrivers AJ for the DQ. Tommy Dreamer has turned heel and this is a no contest instead of a DQ for no apparent reason. Ray says good choice and Dreamer doesn’t look happy. Match ran about 4:10.
Back and Dreamer is MAD. He’s wrecking everything in sight and won’t talk to anyone. I’m guessing he wasn’t doing that because he wants to.
AJ can’t feel his fingers and they’re looking for a doctor and ice. Fourtune thinks this is about EV 2 or something but they’re not sure. AJ says either they get answers or Dreamer is taking a beating.
Matt is on the phone and Ray comes up. Ray wants to know how “he” is doing and Matt says good. Ray says Dreamer did what he has to do to keep himself in this company. That makes things seem a bit better. It’s gotten so bad for Immortal they have to get TOMMY DREAMER to help them?
The Jarretts and Velvet are up next.
Winter gives pills to Angelina and says soon she won’t need them anymore. Winter talks about their souls connecting when they first met which Angelina doesn’t remember. She’s crossed eons of time to find her again and Angelina will remember soon. She kisses Angelina on the cheek and says come with her. This might not end well.
Here are the Jarretts for their weekly continuance of this feud that will not die. They call out Velvet and say that every Knockout has been a champion other than her. I guess the tag titles don’t mean anything. More **** accusations are made by the Karen who says that Velvet is sleeping with Kurt to get herself noticed. Velvet denies it and makes fun of Karen like last week. She’s never been champion but that’s her goal now. Velvet says she has business to take care of so Karen makes more fun of her for it and somehow makes Winter/Angelina vs. Velvet.
Winter and Angelina come out but before we get going here’s Kurt for more talking. Apparently the Network has made the main event a mixed handicap match with Angle/Velvet vs. Jarrett/Angelina/Winter. Is there anyone in TNA that can’t make matches?
Bischoff is ticked off in the back when Terry and Murphy come up and say they can help. Eric is all ticked off and makes them fight with the loser leaving TNA.
Back and Crimson is looking for Joe with a metal object in hand.
Rob Terry vs. Murphy
They slug it out to start and a clothesline doesn’t really hurt either guy. Loser leaves TNA/Immortal remember. Murphy takes over until Terry fires back with raw power to a moderate face pop. Other than that the crowd doesn’t seem to care. Half belly to back suplex/half chokeslam by Murphy and he goes up top and a top rope clothesline gets two. The announcers say loser leaves Immortal so I’m not sure which it is here. Terry more or less Hulks Up and hits a modified Jackhammer to end this at 3:20.
Hogan says both of them are out of Immortal. Ok then. He and Bischoff keep brainstorming on who the network person could be as they’re running out of time.
Joe is just getting here an hour and 22 minutes into the show. Crimson pops up with a sledgehammer and says the next time someone is beating Joe down he’ll turn his head just like Joe did last week. Joe says he never asked for help. Crimson says stay out of his way or else. Joe wants to know if that’s a threat and Crimson says take it however you want to.
Knockouts Title: Miss Tessmacher vs. Mickie James
Tessmacher takes the glasses off and bends over to pick them up. Well it’s not like she’s here for her in ring abilities. Basic stuff here as Tessmacher does gymnast stuff while Mickie walks her through the match. Victory Roll gets two for Tessmacher and she fires the worst enziguri I’ve ever seen for two. Off to the arm by Tessmacher for a bit before Mickie makes her comeback with a bunch of clotheslines. Neckbreaker sets up a terrible looking jumping DDT to end it at 3:52.
Madison and Tara come out and Madison wants a rematch for the title. Mickie says cool but Tara’s freedom is on the line too.
Brian Kendrick, Generation Me and Amazing Red are ticked off about Lethal being fired and are going to see Bischoff about it.
The aforementioned X guys come up to Eric who is getting coffee. They want to know what they have to do to get a shot. Eric says he cares about them and says their solution is to grow about a foot and a half and throws coffee on Kendrick. So we’re using the Eddie Guerrero situation in WCW as a storyline now?
We hear from Sting and RVD about the match at Sacrifice. RVD says he deserves a title shot and Sting says he respects Van Dam. Anything can happen there. Somehow that took three minutes to say.
Winter/Angelina Love/Jeff Jarrett vs. Velvet Sky/Kurt Angle
This actually gets big match introductions including a slow bell ring. Winter vs. Velvet to start us off and it’s off to Angelina quickly. Nothing Velvet does hurts her until a spear puts Angelina down. Velvet gets in Karen’s face which lets Angelina get up and get a boot in as we take a break. Back with Angelina working on Velvet some more and a double team suplex takes Sky down again.
Off to the guys and Jarrett blocks the Angle Slam with an armdrag to take over. Sunset flip is rolled through into the ankle lock and Jarrett kind of taps but it doesn’t count. Karen tries to cheat and Kurt pulls her in as he pulls Jeff out from the ropes. Velvet tags herself in to get at Karen but the other chicks beat her down before Karen gets hurt. Double DDT takes the two chicks down and actually gets the pin on Winter at 8:15 including commercial.
Kurt says the chosen one is here next week and isn’t Velvet.
Hogan and Bischoff are still talking about the network guy and their car has “You’re Next” spraypainted on it. The X guys are behind it and apparently did it with even Eric saying it’s not Goldberg.
Results
Sangriento b. Suicide – Springboard Cutter
AJ Styles/Daniels vs. Bully Ray/Gunner went to a no contest when Tommy Dreamer interfered
Rob Terry b. Murphy – Spinebuster
Mickie James b. Miss Tessmacher – Jumping DDT
Kurt Angle/Velvet Sky b. Angelina Love/Winter/Jeff Jarrett – Sky pinned Winter after a DDT
Friday
Impact got a 1.2, their highest number in weeks.
Shane Helms was in a motorcycle accident and has broken at least his ankle and possibly his leg depending on who you ask. He recognizes people though so that’s a very good sign. His girlfriend was in the wreck also but there isn’t much of an update on her.
Smackdown
Date: May 6, 2011
Location: Amway Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews
We’re out of Extreme Rules now and it’s time to get ready for Over the Limit. Christian has finally won a world title and is here tonight for his first night on the show as champion. Other than that we’re also officially in the new era of Smackdown with the Draft picks officially being on the show tonight. I’d assume we’ll start building to the next PPV tonight. Let’s get to it.
We open with a video of Christian and his career leading up to the world title win on Sunday. Think that’ll be a theme tonight?
Here’s Christian with the title and of course Cole runs his mouth to make sure the moment isn’t focused on him at all. I get that you can talk, but there are moments you’re not supposed to talk during. Cole needs to get this through his head QUICK. Christian says that he needs to do something and he holds up the title over his head in a pretty cool visual.
It feels great to be champion and he’s worked seventeen years to get here. Edge sent him a text message saying to enjoy the moment because he earned it. Christian starts crying a bit and thanks Edge and talks about the Peeps, thanking them for being there all the way for them. As he’s talking, Mark Henry of all people comes out to interrupt him.
Henry was cheering for him the entire time because he knew he could take the title from him easily. Henry is getting a main event push? Must have been two years since he got his last one. Christian says the belt isn’t made of chocolate. Edge isn’t here to protect him anymore. Before he gets anything else out though, here’s Khali to interrupt also. Singh says Khali says the champion should be someone that has been through stuff like you have in the jungle, like the Great Khali.
Christian talks about Khali being in a tutu on Raw and here’s Orton to a MONSTER pop. He wants his name thrown into the hat for a title shot. Here’s Teddy to settle things. The decision is up to the WWE Universe to pick who gets the title match. Considering Teddy has to stop for a Randy chant I think the outcome is obvious. Teddy says Orton wins the poll and the match is TONIGHT.
Back with Singh telling Khali that he’ll get another title match. They run into Jinder Mahal again who speaks some English this time, saying that things will get better now that he’s here. Khali leaves and Singh talks to Mahal (towers over Singh) in English. Mahal isn’t happy with the tutu Khali was in on Sunday. He comes off as a cocky heel.
Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan
Sheamus grabs a headlock takeover to start and the beating starts early. Bryan sends him to the floor and a suicide dive takes down the human jar of mayonnaise. This is another basic power vs. speed match and there’s nothing wrong with that in the slightest. Backbreaker hits as we take a break. Back with Sheamus holding an armbar the smaller dude.
With Bryan in the ropes Sheamus pounds away as other than that big dive this has been totally one sided. Shoulder block gets two. Superplex doesn’t work and a dropkick puts Sheamus down and gives Bryan a chance to breathe. Well Sheamus’ song does talk about fighting for air so Bryan is just following the instructions Sheamus’ theme music gave him. Big kick to the head gets two for Bryan.
Double axe puts Bryan back down but the Razor’s Edge (screw the actual name of it as Cole changes it every five matches) is countered into a LeBell Lock which is too close to the rope. Sheamus hits the floor and Bryan tries the suicide dive again. In a nice bit of psychology, Sheamus catches him with a Brogue Kick. Another in the ring and we’re done at 5:35 shown of 9:05.
Here’s Cody Rhodes in a suit. I love the headlines on the screen of him being disfigured and losing his mind because of it. The people with the bags are here with him. The lights are off other than a spotlight on Cody. Rey has injured him again with the mist from Sunday. Cody talks about how he forced Rey to expose himself….somehow. His eyes are still burning but even through burning eyes he can see that everyone here is still ugly. The bags go out, including to a good looking blonde. The bags may offend you, but the people’s faces disgust him. He’s awesomely into this character and it’s great.
We get a quick recap of the bonus tag title match on Sunday with Jackson dominating the entire time until Barrett tried to get the glory.
Big Show vs. Ezekiel Jackson
Show is on Raw but he’s a tag champion so he can be on both shows. All of the Corre is here with Jackson. Kane comes out to even the odds a bit because those two vs. Corre has gone SO well in the past right? We ring the bell after a break which helps my timing a lot. Well I’d assume it rang just as we came back as they don’t seem to have done much but were locked up when we came back. Hindrances all around.
Show uses technical stuff of all things and gets a front facelock. Jackson is like screw that and backdrops Show with ease. Jackson rams into Show and a slam gets two. Off to a chinlock as I think Jackson has a minor hernia. Suplex gets Show out of the hold as this is better than it sounds. Show fires off some clotheslines to set up the chokeslam. Corre tries to get involved but Kane fights them off….kind of. Everything breaks down into a brawl until we get back into the ring. Jackson gets a boot and a big clothesline for the pin at 3:32 shown.
Jackson leaves on his own, much like Ryan did on Raw.
Time for the Raw portion of the show as we get the same video from NXT on Rock’s birthday. That I’m Coming Home song would be far better if Diddy wasn’t in it at all. Eats up four minutes.
Layla vs. Alicia Fox
I’m not complaining about Fox’s hips that have a mind of their own, but what exactly is she supposed to be? Layla is still trying this face turn so I guess this is her debut on the light side of the Force. And never mind as the Layout ends this in 52 seconds. As eventful as it sounds. There was some standing around, some lockups, some more standing around, a shoulder to the ribs in the corner and the neckbreaker. You put the order together yourselves.
Kharma comes out post match and ends Alicia with a clothesline, apparently legit injuring her. Nothing to Layla as her smorgasbord of heels continues. No one bet on that one so points for a surprise I guess. Layla had the sense to RUN AWAY unlike Kelly who just sat there. Alicia actually tried hitting her. Oh yeah Alicia landed right on her shoulder there. Implant Buster finishes this.
In the back Corre comes up to Jackson and they aren’t happy. Barrett says look at him and Jackson drills him. The numbers eventually catch up to him and the beatdown is on. Chair to the…..uh…..somewhere from Barrett is finally enough to slow him down. They shove what looks like a big laundry basket on him and leave him laying, out cold.
Chavo is on commentary for the next match.
Sin Cara vs. Tyson Kidd
He nails the entrance this time. They do the lights thing again for this match. Chavo sounds like he’s gearing up for a feud with Cara. Cara is moving too fast to call every thing. A double revolution rana sends Kidd to the floor where Kidd takes over for a bit. Cara is like screw this and fires off some kicks and a Tajiri elbow. Springboard cross body gets two. Chavo says Cara is stealing most of these moves from him. Kidd gets in a kick and tries what looks to be a tornado DDT, but gets caught in the C4 from the top to end this at 2:48.
Chavo stares Cara down post match and shakes his hand.
Video on the anti-bullying campaign from Raw. Yes, we get it. Bullying is bad. I’m so fed up with it that I want to go beat up a 9 year old and take his lunch money.
Teddy says it’s fair for Christian to defend the title tonight because it’s what the fans want. Also Orton had a last man standing match on Raw and Cena defended the title just one day after Raw. Both good points. Long says that it’s his job to make Smackdown unpredictable. Foreshadowing of a new style on Fridays perhaps?
Smackdown World Title: Randy Orton vs. Christian
This show has flown by it seems. Regarding Christian’s pop, in the words of Riddler from Batman Forever, “Your entrance was good, his was better.” Headlock by Orton to start but Christian gets a shoulder for two. Orton hammers away and the crowd eats it up with a spoon like soup or Jello or pork or other things eaten with a spoon. The champ sends him to the floor and gets a delayed baseball slide to take Orton down, only to be taken down as well as we take a break.
Back in the ring with Orton in total control. Orton works on the ribs and gets a reverse waistlock (looks like he’s about to hit a German) which looks like the cover of a very freaky Christmas card. They hit the floor via a Cactus Clothesline by Orton as we take break #2. Back with Christian holding a chinlock for only a few seconds. Orton gets a belly to back and both guys are down.
They slug it out a bit and Orton hits that gorgeous dropkick to put Christian down. He goes all psycho but Christian gets the pendulum kick in the corner and a middle rope missile dropkick for two. Guillotine over the top sets up a cross body off the top for two for Christian. Fans are way into this. Middle rope elbow (love that move still) hits and let the clapping begin!
For some reason Christian charges at him and gets caught by a powerslam for two. Christian slides to the floor to try a right hand to Randy as he’s in a 619 position but Orton avoids it to hit the elevated DDT for two. Angle Slam is countered into a reverse DDT for two. Slam hits this time and it’s RKO time. Since it’s the first attempt it’s countered as is the Killswitch. Christian goes to the middle rope and tries a spinning something off of it, proving why he’s an idiot as YOU DON’T JUMP AT ORTON! RKO ends the 5 day reign at 10:08 shown of 17:08.
Christian leaves the ring to an ovation and looks like he’s forced to retire. Pretty sad moment but it’s not like he’s leaving forever. He lost clean. The shot of him going into the back ends the show.
Results
Sheamus b. Daniel Bryan – Brogue Kick
Ezekiel Jackson b. Big Show – Clothesline
Layla b. Alicia Fox – Layout
Sin Cara b. Tyson Kidd – Top rope C4
Randy Orton b. Christian – RKO
Saturday
Helms has more broken bones than thought and it took 200 stitches to close him up. His girlfriend might have a broken neck.
Sunday
Nothing of note.
Quick Results
Raw
John Morrison vs. R-Truth went to a no contest when R-Truth jumped Morrison
Kelly Kelly vs. Maryse went to a no contest when Kharma interfered
John Cena b. The Miz via DQ when Miz hit Cena with the WWE Championship
Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio b. Drew McIntyre/Jack Swagger – Mysterio pinned McIntyre after a top rope splash
Kane b. Mason Ryan via DQ when CM Punk interfered
NXT
Chavo Guerrero b. Darren Young – Frog Splash
Lucky Cannon b. Conor O’Brian – Fireman’s carry into a mat slam
William Regal b. JTG via disqualification when Jacob Novak interfered
Impact
Sangriento b. Suicide – Springboard Cutter
AJ Styles/Daniels vs. Bully Ray/Gunner went to a no contest when Tommy Dreamer interfered
Rob Terry b. Murphy – Spinebuster
Mickie James b. Miss Tessmacher – Jumping DDT
Kurt Angle/Velvet Sky b. Angelina Love/Winter/Jeff Jarrett – Sky pinned Winter after a DDT
Smackdown
Sheamus b. Daniel Bryan – Brogue Kick
Ezekiel Jackson b. Big Show – Clothesline
Layla b. Alicia Fox – Layout
Sin Cara b. Tyson Kidd – Top rope C4
Randy Orton b. Christian – RKO
Smackdown got a 2.0, up slightly from last week.
Monday Night Raw
Date: May 2, 2011
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Jerry Lawler
It’s the Rock’s birthday tonight and the Great One is on Raw. We also have a new WWE Champion as Cena ended Miz’s title reign last night at Extreme Rules. With just three weeks before Over the Limit they’re kind of in a hurry to get to the buildup for the next PPV. Also tonight is a dual branded show so the Smackdown crew is here, including the new World Heavyweight Champion, Christian. Also given the news with Osama bin Laden last night you can almost guarantee some patriotic themed stuff. Let’s get to it.
The show opens with a video about 9/11 and how bin Laden is dead. That just makes you smile a little bit. We get a clip of the 9/13 show which is still pretty awesome. Lillian Garcia is here to sing the National Anthem. Still incredible.
Here’s your theme song as performed by a Canadian band.
Miz vs. Cena for the title tonight.
Screw that though: here’s Rock to open the show, naturally in the flag Brahma Bull shirt. Talk about being on top of the world: his movie DESTROYED everyone else at the box office this week and the bin Laden capture, his birthday, and he’s currently penciled in for a world title shot at Wrestlemania. Not bad. He looks rather happy to be here and emotional at the same time.
After a very lengthy entrance it’s time to talk. Finally he’s back home. Before he gets started though, he has one thing to say: WE GOT HIM! He thanks the troops and leads the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance. Rock talks about growing up in Miami and being in school here, including a picture of him with a mustache and small afro. “Laugh at it all you want but that face devoured more pie than King Kong Bundy in a Polish bakery.”
Now it’s time for college, where he was a Hurricane for The U (his words). He talks about how awesome the university was and back in the day, that place was the best football school on the planet. Awesome academic school also. Rock says story time is over and it’s time to party. There’s an e-mail but Rock cuts Cole off, saying if you have a message for the Rock, say it to his face.
Various insults follow and Cole says he’s a man now. He’s a winner and says he associates himself with winners. Cole takes his jacket and shirt off, revealing a Boston Celtics jersey, which is the team the Miami Heat are playing in the playoffs. The ironic part of this is Miami is up 1-0 so Garnett isn’t even a winner at the moment. Cole says he’ll deliver the message to Dwayne’s face.
The GM wants an apology due to Rock embarrassing the GM at Mania or the party is shut down. Cole wants one also for all of the embarrassments over the years. Rock agrees, and apologizes, somehow managing to draw boos from this crowd. Rock’s handshake is very slowly accepted but Rock isn’t pleased with the jersey. Rock says Go Heat and it’s a Rock Bottom for Cole. With the U hand signal here’s the People’s Elbow.
Rock’s music starts but he cuts it off. He brings out someone named Pitbull who is apparently a rapper from Miami. The fans seem to be into him. He performs a song and the Miami Heat dancers come out to perform with him.
Morrison vs. Truth up next.
LeBron James and Dwayne Wade say happy birthday Rock. Ok that’s kind of a big deal.
John Morrison vs. R-Truth
JR has replaced Cole (ten weeks of a rotating commentary team in a row) on commentary. Truth jumps Morrison during his entrance and sends him head first into the floor. Morrison has allegedly injured his neck as referees carry him out. He walks out but is going very slowly. No match. Truth jumps him again and gives him another Downward Spiral with Morrison’s head coming nowhere near the stage on the impact.
Jimmy Kimmel wishes Rock a happy birthday and we get an oily men in underwear reference. Also there’s candy in his pants. You figure the joke out yourself.
Kelly Kelly vs. Maryse
Kelly looking GOOD tonight. And never mind as Kharma comes out after about 10 seconds. Kelly had taken Maryse down already and then just sat there for like 40 seconds as Kharma came down. She deserves to die them. Implant Buster to Maryse as Kharma just leaves Kelly alone. No match again.
Miz yells at Riley for not being there last night. He’s late tonight due to the crowd of people for Rock’s birthday. Riley better be there tonight.
Paul Walker says happy birthday to the Rock and makes some bad Cena references. He does call him Fruity Pebbles though.
Samuel L. Jackson says happy birthday and says Rock is from another planet. Planet 51 perhaps? He would run through a lion’s den with steak underwear on. Wow indeed.
Rock is with the Divas and talks about singing happy birthday to Michelle Obama. There’s a bit party going on in the back and various people make cameos. Kozlov has a movie script for him and Santino comes up as….oh ok it’s Rock’s character from Fast 5. Horny runs in as the Scorpion King. He has a tooth ache apparently, so……oh sweet merciful goodness here’s Khali in a pink tooth fairy dress with wings and a tiara. He says you can’t handle the tooth. Ron Simmons pops up and there’s only one thing to say. Cute comedy segment but that dress is going to haunt my nightmares.
Cena vs. Miz next.
Steve Carrell wishes Rock a forced (literally) happy birthday. He says this is against his will and he doesn’t like Dwayne. He was promised money and has received none. This is against his will and he doesn’t endorse Johnson.
Raw World Title: John Cena vs. The Miz
We get big match intros for this as I can’t believe we’re over halfway done with the show. Miz grabs a headlock to start and that gets him nowhere. Cena fights back and gets a dropkick for one. Almost all Cena here and he takes down Riley also. Miz hammers away and the referee pulls him off, allowing Riley to get a shot in. A shot into the steps gets two.
Corner clothesline hits by the former champ as the fans are split. Double axe off the top hits for two as we take a break. Back with Miz in control, getting a neckbreaker for two. Cena comes back with his usual stuff and the Shuffle gets two. Miz fights out of the AA and is holding his shoulder. Big boot puts Cena down but a second attempt is countered into the STF. Rope is grabbed though and Miz gets a low DDT for two.
There goes a turnbuckle pad as the referee is apparently blind. Cena blocks the shot into it but can’t get the AA again. Reality Check gets two. This is better than it sounds as they’re not making Miz look like a joke. The Finale is blocked and Miz is knocked into the referee. STF goes on and Miz taps. Riley comes in with the briefcase and it goes into Cena’s ribs. Finale hits for a VERY close two. Crowd is into this big time.
Miz walks into the AA and THAT gets two. I would have bet money on that one. Ok probably not but you get the idea. Riley distracts again and a belt shot by Miz GETS THE PIN! What just happened? Miz has the title behind his back and the referee is confused. The fall came at 12:15 if you’re curious. The referee waves the fall off because he sees the belt. CHEAP! Not only that, Miz LOSES by DQ because there was a belt in the ring. I hate how WWE changes rules every five minutes like this. Drives me crazy.
Cena beats them both up post match.
Ellen Degeneres fails to come up with a good catchphrase but says happy birthday.
Tyler Perry wishes Rock happy birthday. He does some Madea also.
We get a clip from after the PPV went off the air last night with Cena making the announcement that Osama had been killed. He said compromised to a permanent end instead of killed/assassinated though.
Ricardo does the full entrance for Alberto but he’s in a suit (and a Rolls Royce). He’s doing commentary for the following tag match.
Rey Mysterio/Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger/Drew McIntyre
Swagger and McIntyre have a pose in the aisle which looked uh……how do I put this…….think of Billy and Chuck. Swagger vs. Rey to start us off and it’s off to Kofi quickly. Big boot takes Kofi down and we take a break. Back with Swagger having a crossface chickenwing broken up as he tags in Drew. Kofi rolls him up for two and McIntyre does the same.
Swagger takes over again as Alberto says Rey isn’t a real Mexican. Off to Rey who cleans house and gets two on McIntyre. Trouble in Paradise to McIntyre sets up the 619. Alberto gets up and Rey glares at the villain, but instead just goes with a top rope splash (called a senton by JR) to end it at 8:40.
WWE had an anti-bullying rally and started an organization in Washington DC. Yes, we get it: bullying is bad.
Ludacris wishes Rock happy birthday.
Dan Marino says the basics.
Rock congratulates the new World Heavyweight Champion, Christian. That’s his cameo I guess. Vickie comes in with Dolph and they have a present for him. It’s a cake that’s about five feet tall. He loves pie so they pull it back and there’s Mae Young who looks….well she looks like Mae Young. They laugh and Rock says shut up. Rock says Vickie can lose all the weight she wants and she’ll never be as beautiful as Mae Young. Rock kisses Mae full on the lips and says he gets more pie in one night than Dolph gets in a lifetime.
Rock turns around and sees John Cena. The Divas aren’t even paying attention. Cena has a gift for Rock which he can only get from Cena. It’s the WWE Championship, which he’s going to keep until Wrestlemania. If Rock wants it, he has to go through Cena. Rock says just bring it. Cool moment as always with these two.
Kane vs. Mason Ryan next.
George Lopez has some coupons for Rock for his birthday. Ok then.
Mason Ryan vs. Kane
Kane gets shoved to the floor to start and a clothesline puts Kane down. After Kane gets beaten down with slams and various other power stuff, Punk comes in for the DQ at 1:38. Nexus runs out for the beatdown and Kane fights them off. Ryan casually breaks a chokeslam which was impressive. Show comes down and Ryan spears him down with ease. Ryan leaves without Nexus who look at him and aren’t happy.
Rock’s party is up next. It’s 11:00 and we’re going to a commercial.
Regis and Kelly say happy birthday.
Craig Ferguson says happy birthday.
Everyone in the front row has birthday hats on now. Rock says he's happy to be a son of Miami and a proud Hurricane. Rock's family is in the front row. He promises that Wrestlemania will be the biggest of all time. Here's Vince of all people. He talks about a day a long time ago when Rock said he could make WWE reach new levels and Rock has done it.
Vince wants to thank Rock for being the Rock and for coming home. There's a present for him and it's a video about his career and life, set to I'm Coming Home by Diddy Dirty Money. There are some awesome old school videos from him as a football player and with various people such as Andre the Giant and Muhammad Ali as a kid.
Back in the arena Maya is here to sing Happy Birthday to Rock. The catchphrase finally takes us out as streamers and confetti fall.
Results
John Morrison vs. R-Truth went to a no contest when R-Truth jumped Morrison
Kelly Kelly vs. Maryse went to a no contest when Kharma interfered
John Cena b. The Miz via DQ when Miz hit Cena with the WWE Championship
Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio b. Drew McIntyre/Jack Swagger – Mysterio pinned McIntyre after a top rope splash
Kane b. Mason Ryan via DQ when CM Punk interfered
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.4. Wow.
NXT
Date: May 3, 2011
Location: Amway Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Todd Grisham, William Regal
We’re here for week 9 I think of this season and tonight we get the blowoff (I guess) to one of the season’s biggest angles (kind of) as Regal faces Novak. I’d bet on seeing a lot about last night’s Raw and in particular the birthday party for Rock. Something tells me this is going to be more of the same stuff we’ve seen all season long, which means this show will just kind of be there. Let’s get to it.
Theme song talks about the theme of the show in a musical format.
Darren Young vs. Chavo Guerrero
Horny is guest referee for no apparent reason. Titus is on commentary for no apparent reason. I’m having some connection issues here so there’s a chance this is going to be spotty at times. I’ll do my best though. Horny checks every bit of Young’s attire including his hair. Apparently he has an illegal boot so Darren has to fight in one boot. Horny stomps on his foot and we’re ready to go.
Titus and Regal debate the merits of wrestling barefoot which is just weird to hear from Titus. He has a VERY deep voice that almost makes him hard to understand but once you get used to that he’s well spoken and makes some decent points. Chavo dominates to start with basic stuff and throws on an armbar. And there goes my feed. Back with Chavo “hitting” a dive to the floor and by that I mean he mostly crashed and his leg hit Young. We take an actual break after that.
Back after maybe 10 seconds with another armbar by Chavo. We hit the floor again as my feed continues to be choppy. I’m sorry about this guys but we’re having some weather issues here tonight. Young takes over and fires Chavo into the ring, only to get caught by right hands. Young gets a cover and Horny won’t count at a regular speed for him. Regal is in wrestling gear at ringside.
Darren gets in the face of Titus for a bit as Horny still won’t count. Young keeps pounding away and we hit the chinlock. Chavo gets a sweet dropkick and a headscissors to take over a bit. Horny counts for him but gets knocked down on a reversed suplex so he can’t count a Northern Lights Suplex for Young. And Horny bites Young on what’s about eye level for him, setting up Three Amigos and the Frog Splash to end this at 9:15. I missed roughly a minute and a half of that if you’re curious.
We see O’Brian and Kozlov talking earlier today about Kozlov saying O’Brian needs special skills. Kozlov demonstrates his special skills by breaking a board over his head. O’Brian does the same but might need a doctor.
Conor O’Brian vs. Lucky Cannon
O’Brian grabs a headlock to start as it’s a feeling out process. Let the boringness begin here as there’s nothing of note going on. Cannon puts on a headscissor choke as we’re just waiting to get to the end of the match. O’Brian is a guy that would do FAR better in an old school system as he could develop a character in indy companies and then come back to WWE a few years later. The problem is he has nothing at all that distinguishes him from any generic wrestler. Anyway, O’Brian makes a small comeback but Kidd interferes and the reverse FU/Death Valley Driver ends it at 4:11.
We recap the Kharma thing last night to explain why Maryse isn’t here. Anything that lets me see Kelly in those shorts is a good thing.
Saxton comes up to Yoshi and apologizes for attacking him last week. He wants to fix their relationship but Yoshi cuts him off, saying he needs to check on Maryse. Saxton says that’s enough and he’s on his own now.
William Regal vs. Jacob Novak
It’s 10:30 and this is your main event, meaning we’re getting a LONG Rock video to end it. Striker is on commentary for this. Novak tries to talk like JTG and my head hurts. He says that Regal is just an announcer so he means nothing. Novak is going to make him famous. Just….no. Regal calls JTG a Muppet so the match is switched.
William Regal vs. JTG
Oh joy. Basic match to start as Regal does what he can with the jobber heel (I guess?). Regal sends him to the floor and JTG stalls. Back in Novak cheats and it does nothing. About three minutes have passed already and there’s just nothing to say about this match because there’s almost no point to these two fighting. Regal gets the knee trembler and Novak runs in for the DQ at 6:00.
We get a long recap video of last night’s Raw set to a combination of I’m Coming Home by Diddy Dirty Money and Pitbull’s song. We also see Cole getting beat up.
Results
Chavo Guerrero b. Darren Young – Frog Splash
Lucky Cannon b. Conor O’Brian – Fireman’s carry into a mat slam
William Regal b. JTG via disqualification when Jacob Novak interfered
Wednesday
Apparently the main thing holding up a deal to keep CM Punk in WWE is he wants to retain the rights to his name which surprisingly he still has.
Thursday
Impact
Date: May 5, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz
Episode Title: The Network is Coming
We’ve got two weeks before Sacrifice and things are starting to take shape before the PPV. The main thing from last week to carry over here is the possibility of Angle’s mistress being revealed. Aside from that though there really isn’t much to talk about for tonight’s show. I’d assume some more matches will be officially announced for the PPV but that’s about it. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the Network issues as Hogan is ticked off about the whole thing. The episode is called The Network is Coming. Gee that doesn’t sound familiar at all.
We open with Sting and RVD coming to the ring and see that Immortal is in the ring waiting on them. Snow, Diamond and Brown come out to prevent the fight which the fans want to see. Hogan says that if Sting knows something about the representative, tell him right now. There’s going to be a representative here next week and he, no SHE will be here to talk to Hogan face to face.
Hogan tries to charge Sting and Van Dam but D’lo Brown holds Hulkster back. That doesn’t last though as Immortal jumps the agents and the fight is on. Fourtune comes out to even the sides and clear the ring. Roode takes the mic and says the usual stuff about Fourtune building the company and Hogan/Bischoff cashing in on their work. He thought he knew Hogan but this Hogan has no pride. Roode earns his pay and puts food in his kids’ mouth. He’s a blue collar worker and has earned what he has. What has Hogan earned?
Roode references Jay Lethal’s recent release (called a firing here) and says that Lethal was a guy that did what he asked every single week. I guess that means when he actually got on TV. Roode says his name is Bobby Roode and things are going to start to change next week. Nice to see someone get some mic time in Fourtune other than Daniels or Styles.
The Jarretts get Velvet out of the shower and say Hogan has let them issue an ultimatum and she needs to get to the ring now.
Matt Hardy says he was/is one half of the best tag teams of all time. He’s going to give someone a call and that person is going to come and the two of them will challenge Beer Money for the tag titles.
Suicide vs. Sangriento
Suicide controls to start until Sangriento (means bloody or bloodthirsty) gets a DDT onto the apron. And of course a random masked luchador is nothing at all like Sin Cara in the slightest. Sin Cara is an actual superstar in Mexico as opposed to a made up character here.
Suicide hits his usual unique offense which can’t keep Sangriento down though. Middle rope dropkick to the back of the head and a rana from the middle rope both get two for Sangriento. Suicide fights back and tries his half breed cousin of the Angle Slam. Sangriento counters and gets a cool looking move as he springboards off the middle rope (think a Lionsault) but goes backwards into a cutter to end this at 3:50. Cool ending.
Hogan and Bischoff try to figure out who the representative is and think it could be Flair. Sting said the one coming next week was female but also said that it was a representative and not necessarily the representative so that’s not a plot hole.
Back with Mexican America in the ring and it’s time for their Cinco de Mayo celebration. They talk about the history of the holiday which is in memory of the Mexican army winning a major battle. Sarita calls in the Spanish announce team and say bring their own tequila, which they happen to have. The team is Hector Guerrero (Eddie’s big brother) and Willie Urbina (not sure on the spelling of that).
Anarquia doesn’t like Urbina because he’s Puerto Rican and not Mexican. They take him down and Hector isn’t happy. Anarquia looks a lot like Chavo. The heels threaten Hector and Ink Inc of all people come out for the save. They say get out and hold up the flag. I guess we’re just supposed to forget the issues they were having when Shannon was being a jerk?
Christopher Daniels/AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray/Gunner
Gunner is being pushed as the stopper for Immortal. Ray and Daniels start but Daniels tags out almost immediately to let AJ fight Ray but the Bully runs off to bring in Gunner. The good guys work over Gunner until Ray interferes and we enter the tag team formula. Mickie is defending the title against Tessmacher later tonight. She gets a title match why exactly?
After Daniels gets beaten down for a bit it’s hot tag to AJ who cleans house, hitting the springboard forearm to Gunner. Pele looks to set up the springboard 450 but Ray breaks it up and everything breaks down. The fans want D-Von as Ray gets his chain. Tommy Dreamer runs in for the save…..and piledrivers AJ for the DQ. Tommy Dreamer has turned heel and this is a no contest instead of a DQ for no apparent reason. Ray says good choice and Dreamer doesn’t look happy. Match ran about 4:10.
Back and Dreamer is MAD. He’s wrecking everything in sight and won’t talk to anyone. I’m guessing he wasn’t doing that because he wants to.
AJ can’t feel his fingers and they’re looking for a doctor and ice. Fourtune thinks this is about EV 2 or something but they’re not sure. AJ says either they get answers or Dreamer is taking a beating.
Matt is on the phone and Ray comes up. Ray wants to know how “he” is doing and Matt says good. Ray says Dreamer did what he has to do to keep himself in this company. That makes things seem a bit better. It’s gotten so bad for Immortal they have to get TOMMY DREAMER to help them?
The Jarretts and Velvet are up next.
Winter gives pills to Angelina and says soon she won’t need them anymore. Winter talks about their souls connecting when they first met which Angelina doesn’t remember. She’s crossed eons of time to find her again and Angelina will remember soon. She kisses Angelina on the cheek and says come with her. This might not end well.
Here are the Jarretts for their weekly continuance of this feud that will not die. They call out Velvet and say that every Knockout has been a champion other than her. I guess the tag titles don’t mean anything. More **** accusations are made by the Karen who says that Velvet is sleeping with Kurt to get herself noticed. Velvet denies it and makes fun of Karen like last week. She’s never been champion but that’s her goal now. Velvet says she has business to take care of so Karen makes more fun of her for it and somehow makes Winter/Angelina vs. Velvet.
Winter and Angelina come out but before we get going here’s Kurt for more talking. Apparently the Network has made the main event a mixed handicap match with Angle/Velvet vs. Jarrett/Angelina/Winter. Is there anyone in TNA that can’t make matches?
Bischoff is ticked off in the back when Terry and Murphy come up and say they can help. Eric is all ticked off and makes them fight with the loser leaving TNA.
Back and Crimson is looking for Joe with a metal object in hand.
Rob Terry vs. Murphy
They slug it out to start and a clothesline doesn’t really hurt either guy. Loser leaves TNA/Immortal remember. Murphy takes over until Terry fires back with raw power to a moderate face pop. Other than that the crowd doesn’t seem to care. Half belly to back suplex/half chokeslam by Murphy and he goes up top and a top rope clothesline gets two. The announcers say loser leaves Immortal so I’m not sure which it is here. Terry more or less Hulks Up and hits a modified Jackhammer to end this at 3:20.
Hogan says both of them are out of Immortal. Ok then. He and Bischoff keep brainstorming on who the network person could be as they’re running out of time.
Joe is just getting here an hour and 22 minutes into the show. Crimson pops up with a sledgehammer and says the next time someone is beating Joe down he’ll turn his head just like Joe did last week. Joe says he never asked for help. Crimson says stay out of his way or else. Joe wants to know if that’s a threat and Crimson says take it however you want to.
Knockouts Title: Miss Tessmacher vs. Mickie James
Tessmacher takes the glasses off and bends over to pick them up. Well it’s not like she’s here for her in ring abilities. Basic stuff here as Tessmacher does gymnast stuff while Mickie walks her through the match. Victory Roll gets two for Tessmacher and she fires the worst enziguri I’ve ever seen for two. Off to the arm by Tessmacher for a bit before Mickie makes her comeback with a bunch of clotheslines. Neckbreaker sets up a terrible looking jumping DDT to end it at 3:52.
Madison and Tara come out and Madison wants a rematch for the title. Mickie says cool but Tara’s freedom is on the line too.
Brian Kendrick, Generation Me and Amazing Red are ticked off about Lethal being fired and are going to see Bischoff about it.
The aforementioned X guys come up to Eric who is getting coffee. They want to know what they have to do to get a shot. Eric says he cares about them and says their solution is to grow about a foot and a half and throws coffee on Kendrick. So we’re using the Eddie Guerrero situation in WCW as a storyline now?
We hear from Sting and RVD about the match at Sacrifice. RVD says he deserves a title shot and Sting says he respects Van Dam. Anything can happen there. Somehow that took three minutes to say.
Winter/Angelina Love/Jeff Jarrett vs. Velvet Sky/Kurt Angle
This actually gets big match introductions including a slow bell ring. Winter vs. Velvet to start us off and it’s off to Angelina quickly. Nothing Velvet does hurts her until a spear puts Angelina down. Velvet gets in Karen’s face which lets Angelina get up and get a boot in as we take a break. Back with Angelina working on Velvet some more and a double team suplex takes Sky down again.
Off to the guys and Jarrett blocks the Angle Slam with an armdrag to take over. Sunset flip is rolled through into the ankle lock and Jarrett kind of taps but it doesn’t count. Karen tries to cheat and Kurt pulls her in as he pulls Jeff out from the ropes. Velvet tags herself in to get at Karen but the other chicks beat her down before Karen gets hurt. Double DDT takes the two chicks down and actually gets the pin on Winter at 8:15 including commercial.
Kurt says the chosen one is here next week and isn’t Velvet.
Hogan and Bischoff are still talking about the network guy and their car has “You’re Next” spraypainted on it. The X guys are behind it and apparently did it with even Eric saying it’s not Goldberg.
Results
Sangriento b. Suicide – Springboard Cutter
AJ Styles/Daniels vs. Bully Ray/Gunner went to a no contest when Tommy Dreamer interfered
Rob Terry b. Murphy – Spinebuster
Mickie James b. Miss Tessmacher – Jumping DDT
Kurt Angle/Velvet Sky b. Angelina Love/Winter/Jeff Jarrett – Sky pinned Winter after a DDT
Friday
Impact got a 1.2, their highest number in weeks.
Shane Helms was in a motorcycle accident and has broken at least his ankle and possibly his leg depending on who you ask. He recognizes people though so that’s a very good sign. His girlfriend was in the wreck also but there isn’t much of an update on her.
Smackdown
Date: May 6, 2011
Location: Amway Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews
We’re out of Extreme Rules now and it’s time to get ready for Over the Limit. Christian has finally won a world title and is here tonight for his first night on the show as champion. Other than that we’re also officially in the new era of Smackdown with the Draft picks officially being on the show tonight. I’d assume we’ll start building to the next PPV tonight. Let’s get to it.
We open with a video of Christian and his career leading up to the world title win on Sunday. Think that’ll be a theme tonight?
Here’s Christian with the title and of course Cole runs his mouth to make sure the moment isn’t focused on him at all. I get that you can talk, but there are moments you’re not supposed to talk during. Cole needs to get this through his head QUICK. Christian says that he needs to do something and he holds up the title over his head in a pretty cool visual.
It feels great to be champion and he’s worked seventeen years to get here. Edge sent him a text message saying to enjoy the moment because he earned it. Christian starts crying a bit and thanks Edge and talks about the Peeps, thanking them for being there all the way for them. As he’s talking, Mark Henry of all people comes out to interrupt him.
Henry was cheering for him the entire time because he knew he could take the title from him easily. Henry is getting a main event push? Must have been two years since he got his last one. Christian says the belt isn’t made of chocolate. Edge isn’t here to protect him anymore. Before he gets anything else out though, here’s Khali to interrupt also. Singh says Khali says the champion should be someone that has been through stuff like you have in the jungle, like the Great Khali.
Christian talks about Khali being in a tutu on Raw and here’s Orton to a MONSTER pop. He wants his name thrown into the hat for a title shot. Here’s Teddy to settle things. The decision is up to the WWE Universe to pick who gets the title match. Considering Teddy has to stop for a Randy chant I think the outcome is obvious. Teddy says Orton wins the poll and the match is TONIGHT.
Back with Singh telling Khali that he’ll get another title match. They run into Jinder Mahal again who speaks some English this time, saying that things will get better now that he’s here. Khali leaves and Singh talks to Mahal (towers over Singh) in English. Mahal isn’t happy with the tutu Khali was in on Sunday. He comes off as a cocky heel.
Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan
Sheamus grabs a headlock takeover to start and the beating starts early. Bryan sends him to the floor and a suicide dive takes down the human jar of mayonnaise. This is another basic power vs. speed match and there’s nothing wrong with that in the slightest. Backbreaker hits as we take a break. Back with Sheamus holding an armbar the smaller dude.
With Bryan in the ropes Sheamus pounds away as other than that big dive this has been totally one sided. Shoulder block gets two. Superplex doesn’t work and a dropkick puts Sheamus down and gives Bryan a chance to breathe. Well Sheamus’ song does talk about fighting for air so Bryan is just following the instructions Sheamus’ theme music gave him. Big kick to the head gets two for Bryan.
Double axe puts Bryan back down but the Razor’s Edge (screw the actual name of it as Cole changes it every five matches) is countered into a LeBell Lock which is too close to the rope. Sheamus hits the floor and Bryan tries the suicide dive again. In a nice bit of psychology, Sheamus catches him with a Brogue Kick. Another in the ring and we’re done at 5:35 shown of 9:05.
Here’s Cody Rhodes in a suit. I love the headlines on the screen of him being disfigured and losing his mind because of it. The people with the bags are here with him. The lights are off other than a spotlight on Cody. Rey has injured him again with the mist from Sunday. Cody talks about how he forced Rey to expose himself….somehow. His eyes are still burning but even through burning eyes he can see that everyone here is still ugly. The bags go out, including to a good looking blonde. The bags may offend you, but the people’s faces disgust him. He’s awesomely into this character and it’s great.
We get a quick recap of the bonus tag title match on Sunday with Jackson dominating the entire time until Barrett tried to get the glory.
Big Show vs. Ezekiel Jackson
Show is on Raw but he’s a tag champion so he can be on both shows. All of the Corre is here with Jackson. Kane comes out to even the odds a bit because those two vs. Corre has gone SO well in the past right? We ring the bell after a break which helps my timing a lot. Well I’d assume it rang just as we came back as they don’t seem to have done much but were locked up when we came back. Hindrances all around.
Show uses technical stuff of all things and gets a front facelock. Jackson is like screw that and backdrops Show with ease. Jackson rams into Show and a slam gets two. Off to a chinlock as I think Jackson has a minor hernia. Suplex gets Show out of the hold as this is better than it sounds. Show fires off some clotheslines to set up the chokeslam. Corre tries to get involved but Kane fights them off….kind of. Everything breaks down into a brawl until we get back into the ring. Jackson gets a boot and a big clothesline for the pin at 3:32 shown.
Jackson leaves on his own, much like Ryan did on Raw.
Time for the Raw portion of the show as we get the same video from NXT on Rock’s birthday. That I’m Coming Home song would be far better if Diddy wasn’t in it at all. Eats up four minutes.
Layla vs. Alicia Fox
I’m not complaining about Fox’s hips that have a mind of their own, but what exactly is she supposed to be? Layla is still trying this face turn so I guess this is her debut on the light side of the Force. And never mind as the Layout ends this in 52 seconds. As eventful as it sounds. There was some standing around, some lockups, some more standing around, a shoulder to the ribs in the corner and the neckbreaker. You put the order together yourselves.
Kharma comes out post match and ends Alicia with a clothesline, apparently legit injuring her. Nothing to Layla as her smorgasbord of heels continues. No one bet on that one so points for a surprise I guess. Layla had the sense to RUN AWAY unlike Kelly who just sat there. Alicia actually tried hitting her. Oh yeah Alicia landed right on her shoulder there. Implant Buster finishes this.
In the back Corre comes up to Jackson and they aren’t happy. Barrett says look at him and Jackson drills him. The numbers eventually catch up to him and the beatdown is on. Chair to the…..uh…..somewhere from Barrett is finally enough to slow him down. They shove what looks like a big laundry basket on him and leave him laying, out cold.
Chavo is on commentary for the next match.
Sin Cara vs. Tyson Kidd
He nails the entrance this time. They do the lights thing again for this match. Chavo sounds like he’s gearing up for a feud with Cara. Cara is moving too fast to call every thing. A double revolution rana sends Kidd to the floor where Kidd takes over for a bit. Cara is like screw this and fires off some kicks and a Tajiri elbow. Springboard cross body gets two. Chavo says Cara is stealing most of these moves from him. Kidd gets in a kick and tries what looks to be a tornado DDT, but gets caught in the C4 from the top to end this at 2:48.
Chavo stares Cara down post match and shakes his hand.
Video on the anti-bullying campaign from Raw. Yes, we get it. Bullying is bad. I’m so fed up with it that I want to go beat up a 9 year old and take his lunch money.
Teddy says it’s fair for Christian to defend the title tonight because it’s what the fans want. Also Orton had a last man standing match on Raw and Cena defended the title just one day after Raw. Both good points. Long says that it’s his job to make Smackdown unpredictable. Foreshadowing of a new style on Fridays perhaps?
Smackdown World Title: Randy Orton vs. Christian
This show has flown by it seems. Regarding Christian’s pop, in the words of Riddler from Batman Forever, “Your entrance was good, his was better.” Headlock by Orton to start but Christian gets a shoulder for two. Orton hammers away and the crowd eats it up with a spoon like soup or Jello or pork or other things eaten with a spoon. The champ sends him to the floor and gets a delayed baseball slide to take Orton down, only to be taken down as well as we take a break.
Back in the ring with Orton in total control. Orton works on the ribs and gets a reverse waistlock (looks like he’s about to hit a German) which looks like the cover of a very freaky Christmas card. They hit the floor via a Cactus Clothesline by Orton as we take break #2. Back with Christian holding a chinlock for only a few seconds. Orton gets a belly to back and both guys are down.
They slug it out a bit and Orton hits that gorgeous dropkick to put Christian down. He goes all psycho but Christian gets the pendulum kick in the corner and a middle rope missile dropkick for two. Guillotine over the top sets up a cross body off the top for two for Christian. Fans are way into this. Middle rope elbow (love that move still) hits and let the clapping begin!
For some reason Christian charges at him and gets caught by a powerslam for two. Christian slides to the floor to try a right hand to Randy as he’s in a 619 position but Orton avoids it to hit the elevated DDT for two. Angle Slam is countered into a reverse DDT for two. Slam hits this time and it’s RKO time. Since it’s the first attempt it’s countered as is the Killswitch. Christian goes to the middle rope and tries a spinning something off of it, proving why he’s an idiot as YOU DON’T JUMP AT ORTON! RKO ends the 5 day reign at 10:08 shown of 17:08.
Christian leaves the ring to an ovation and looks like he’s forced to retire. Pretty sad moment but it’s not like he’s leaving forever. He lost clean. The shot of him going into the back ends the show.
Results
Sheamus b. Daniel Bryan – Brogue Kick
Ezekiel Jackson b. Big Show – Clothesline
Layla b. Alicia Fox – Layout
Sin Cara b. Tyson Kidd – Top rope C4
Randy Orton b. Christian – RKO
Saturday
Helms has more broken bones than thought and it took 200 stitches to close him up. His girlfriend might have a broken neck.
Sunday
Nothing of note.
Quick Results
Raw
John Morrison vs. R-Truth went to a no contest when R-Truth jumped Morrison
Kelly Kelly vs. Maryse went to a no contest when Kharma interfered
John Cena b. The Miz via DQ when Miz hit Cena with the WWE Championship
Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio b. Drew McIntyre/Jack Swagger – Mysterio pinned McIntyre after a top rope splash
Kane b. Mason Ryan via DQ when CM Punk interfered
NXT
Chavo Guerrero b. Darren Young – Frog Splash
Lucky Cannon b. Conor O’Brian – Fireman’s carry into a mat slam
William Regal b. JTG via disqualification when Jacob Novak interfered
Impact
Sangriento b. Suicide – Springboard Cutter
AJ Styles/Daniels vs. Bully Ray/Gunner went to a no contest when Tommy Dreamer interfered
Rob Terry b. Murphy – Spinebuster
Mickie James b. Miss Tessmacher – Jumping DDT
Kurt Angle/Velvet Sky b. Angelina Love/Winter/Jeff Jarrett – Sky pinned Winter after a DDT
Smackdown
Sheamus b. Daniel Bryan – Brogue Kick
Ezekiel Jackson b. Big Show – Clothesline
Layla b. Alicia Fox – Layout
Sin Cara b. Tyson Kidd – Top rope C4
Randy Orton b. Christian – RKO