klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Monday Night Raw
Date: May 17, 2010
Location: Air Canada Center, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Guest Host: Buzz Aldrin
Remember there are no commercials tonight. Why does this sound unlikely?
Cena vs. Sheamus and Hart vs. Miz tonight.
Bret is here first. Also, I could be wrong but I think that sounds like his old music, or at least a closer mix to his original. Oh yeah he’s still a legend here. He says WWF in an amusing bit. He doesn’t want to be remembered as a guy that won’t hang it up so he won’t be fighting tonight. And here’s Jericho. Jericho wants to know why Bret came back at all. Apparently he’s already held on too long. Oh and he’s a hypocrite.
There’s your required Montreal reference. Bret talks about how bad Jericho was in the Dungeon. That’s rather amusing. He takes a long time to say that no one cares about Bret anymore. HUGE we want Bret chant comes up. Apparently Miz vs. Hart is on for tonight. Jericho says he’ll get himself intentionally disqualified. So let’s make it no rules. Ok then.
Edge and Orton are doing Pick Your Poison. Damn they have to watch Jake Roberts’ DVD? In other words each guy picks the other’s opponent.
Canada gets commercials. We get “words from our sponsors.” They’re parodies of the “15 minutes will save you 15%” but for WWE.com. This involves Horny driving a Hummer and Khali driving a compact. WOW.
Edge vs. Orton’s Choice
Before the match, Edge talks about all the people he’s beaten up or intimidated. And here’s Christian. Yep X just came. And another PPV match is hotshotted. To be fair, it’s not as bad as say RVD vs. AJ for the title on Impact. Lawler points out that we’ve had four straight Canadians so far. That’s not amusing or anything but more just pointing out the obvious. At least there’s been some buildup from Smackdown a few weeks ago.
And this is the dream match in Toronto so there we are. Still not happy with it though. We get a nice little sequence as they keep trying to counter each other based on their knowledge of each other. We’ll ignore that they mainly use stuff from more recent years when they haven’t been teaming together for dramatic purposes. Again they’re no longer brothers. I wonder if there’s a way to get that removed. Maybe some kind of weird surgery.
Edge works the arm pretty well to try to give us some psychology. Nothing magnificent here but it’s working fairly well I’d think. I hate when referees slap the mat when they’re getting into a position. Some guys do that for their one count while others are doing nothing at all. This is getting a lot of time as we’re at over ten minutes already.
After a bunch of near falls, Edge goes back to the arm. Spear misses and Christian hits the back elbow. He goes for the Killswitch but HIS ARM GIVES OUT! YES YES YES YES YES!!!!! PSY-FUCKING-COLOGY!!! Edge sends him into the post and the spear ends it. Great match.
Orton comes on the screen and asks Edge why Christian was there since that wasn’t his handpicked opponent. Oh that’s good. And that’s the sound of a gong.
Edge vs. Undertaker
BIG OLD POP for Taker. Edge is just like AWW CRAP. Edge won’t fight because he’s Edge I guess and just takes the count out. Christian throws him back in for a big ass chokeslam. Nicely done here with Orton playing mind games and getting more damage done on Edge than he would have otherwise.
Ad for Over the Limit. I wouldn’t call that a commercial I guess.
Maryse is looking at a magazine with Trish on the cover. She points out the difference between being Canadian and French Canadian and runs down Eve. Since this is professional wrestling, Eve pops up behind her and we get a big brawl. Yeah it’s not incredibly interesting but this runs circles around the Knockouts right now.
Buzz Aldrin and his wife are in the back. Vickie shows up and they go back and forth for a bit. Her replacement is here next week. Buzz has a new Iphone App.
We recap Henry getting beaten up by Batista last week.
Mark Henry vs. Batista
Batista runs down the aisle and breaks a 2x4 over his shoulder before the match ever starts. Ok then. No match but just a big beating by Dave.
We see Sheamus winning the title from Cena back in December. That really was shocking.
DiBiase does a Mastercard spoof about R-Truth. It’s a clever recap if nothing else.
Ted DiBiase vs. Yoshi Tatsu
DiBiase comes out with Virgil. Yes, THAT Virgil. Something tells me Norcal just exploded. Truth vs. DiBiase at Over the Limit. There’s a big Virgil chant. Oh dear. Apparently Virgil never complained about DiBiase. Other than the whole Mania 7 match and all that jazz. Dream Street ends it in like three minutes. Short and sweet…kind of. Virgil doesn’t mind being Virgil. That’s a pretty good line. His trust fund has kicked in too, and if he can’t buy it he’ll beat it.
Ad for Punk vs. Mysterio.
Jericho and Miz are talking in the back. Matthews tries to talk to Miz but Miz smacks him and takes the microphone. That was awesome. That’s rather brilliant. He says he’ll make Bret tap to the Sharpshooter.
US Title: Bret Hart vs. The Miz
I think Bret wins. No way he doesn’t actually. Wow this is weird to see. Bret gives his glasses to a kid. THANK You. When I was a kid the person next to me got them at a house show. I was pissed. I got a Slaughter helmet from Slaughter though. Miz runs from Bret as Cole tries to be a heel. Wow it’s just not any good at all. Miz says he doesn’t trust Bret and has his own goons: Regal and Kozlov.
Hart Dynasty pop up to take care of them so we’re down to Bret vs. Miz again. And here’s Jericho. Natalya comes in to do what she can and slaps Jericho. Naturally Bret gets beaten up but the Hart Dynasty is back. Kidd keeps Bret out of the Sharpshooter. Miz takes a Hart Attack and Bret puts on the Sharpshooter to WIN THE US TITLE! WOW. I guess he vacates it like last week. I’m fine with this as it’s a nice sendoff for him and now he can let things rest in peace. That’s good. Cole of course bitches.
Ad for the MITB PPV. I’m going to the go home Raw and maybe Smackdown. They’re my reviews so I’ll plug myself if I want to.
Another “commercial” where Santino is the most interesting person in the world. Commercials are such easy targets for parody and there needs to be more of them.
Layla/Michelle McCool/Maryse vs. Eve Torres/Bella Twins
Maryse vs. Eve on Sunday, and both Layla and Michelle have belts now. I like it. Yep the Bellas are still gorgeous. Layla vs. Eve to start us out. Eve hits an Olympic Slam called a Samoan Drop by Cole. Layla is better than she seems. Nikki beats up Michelle. This isn’t that interesting but it’s better than the Knockouts’ bullshit. Maryse hits her DDT on Nikki for the pin. Maryse and Eve brawl afterwards.
Cena says he’s not worried about people that disagree with them and he wants to talk to his fans. He says he’s fighting Sheamus to keep him out of the picture at Over the Limit. Makes sense.
Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger
In a nice line, Lawler says that it’s likely harder for Edge to find someone to fight Orton than it is for Orton to find someone to fight Edge. Subtle but effective. Is there a point to the Brand Split anymore? Orton does the stomping thing and it’s rather irritating still. After a nice solid match, Orton gets the RKO but walks into a spear from a waiting Edge. That works. At least Swagger didn’t job again. To be fair though he did get a clean pin on him at Extreme Rules so that’s a good thing.
We run down the card and here’s Buzz Aldrin. Again, this man is hosting Raw why? Here’s Zach Ryder. This is nothing special.
Evan Bourne/Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox/Zach Ryder
Decent little match and the girls looked good at least. Gail pins Fox after that slam her head into Gail’s foot thing. Ah it’s called Eat Defeat. Yeah the Divas are way ahead of the Knockouts at the moment. The wrestling may be bad, but it’s WRESTLING. It’s not about stupid people that look good but can’t wrestle.
Ok it is but at the same time the Divas are actually improving. Also, there are actual feuds rather than just the Beautiful People doing random bullshit. Can’t believe I’m saying this, but the Divas are far better at the moment than the Knockouts.
Jon Lovitz is the guest host next week.
We get another “message from our sponsors”, this time with Goldust on a blind date. It’s for WWEshop.com. Yeah that wasn’t that funny.
Sheamus vs. John Cena
We get a fairly decent match where Sheamus loses to Cena by DQ which is a nice way to keep that rivalry alive. Batista comes in with the spear after a DQ. He gets his Rings of Batista thing on but Cena won’t quit and the show ends. Not much, but for like 7 minutes what do you expect from them?
Results
Edge b. Christian – Spear
Undertaker b. Edge – Count Out
Ted DiBiase b. Yoshi Tatsu – Dream Street
Bret Hart b. The Miz – Sharpshooter
Maryse/Michelle McCool/Layla b. Bella Twins/Eve Torres – French Kiss to Nikki Bella
Randy Orton b. Jack Swagger via Disqualification – Edge interference
Evan Bourne/Gail Kim b. Alicia Fox/Zach Ryder – Eat Defeat
John Cena b. Sheamus via Disqualification – Batista interference
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.4.
NXT
Date: May 18, 2010
Location: Scotia Bank Place, Ottawa, Canada
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Michael Cole
We recap last week’s show and all three eliminations.
Striker brings out the pros instead of the rookies. Is there a reason why Carlito isn’t there but Miz is? Carlito, Miz and Regal have had their rookies eliminated but Calito is the only one not there. Truth is still in but he’s not there. Whatever. They’re asked what they’re looking for in a wrestler.
Miz – The IT Factor. When a person is flipping through the channels, you see someone and you’re instantly intrigued and want to watch them.
Regal – A total package. Someone with the in ring skills, the mic skills, the presence etc.
Punk – Hates the crowd and won’t talk.
Christian – Someone that steps up and takes the competition. And someone with the IT Factor.
Matt – Among the rest of what was said, also the ability to survive in the locker room.
Jericho – Someone who he would be willing to pay to see.
Darren Young vs. Wade Barrett
Young – 7-3, 5th place
Barrett – 6-4, 1st place
This is pretty short and not much of note. Barrett wins it with his over the shoulder slam. Both are now 7-4.
The pros talk about Otunga. They think he has the IT factor but not the in ring abilities. Can’t say I disagree.
Tarver and Danielson are in the ring. Tarver says he was treated unfairly and the management felt threatened by someone like him. Yeah that’s smart to say. He says he acted the way he did because it made people remember him. That actually makes sense. And Striker cuts him off.
Danielson goes on a rant talking about how great he is. Miz freaks out and Danielson calls him out. Instead he goes after Cole. AND THERE THEY GO! Cole gets beaten up and not a lot of people care.
Justin Gabriel vs. Heath Slater
Gabriel – 5-3, 3rd place
Slater – 5-4, 4th place
Slater has new tights and Danielson is being ranted about even more by Cole…who leaves. Ok then. Not a good sign when Cole is involved with the major angle of the show. There’s not much here but Gabriel hits the sweet 450 for the clean pin. That’s rather surprising to me.
Sheffield says he was a threat. Isn’t this what Tarver said?
Damn it Cole is back.
The pros talk about Young. Jericho says he voted last for him in the first poll. Apparently they don’t like him.
Time for the poll. No interviews first either.
1. Wade Barrett
2. David Otunga
3. Heath Slater
Slater moves up despite losing to Gabriel? What sense does that make? Whatever.
4. Justin Gabriel
5. Darren Young
Young goes up to the rookies and says he respects them all and that you’ll see him again to close the show.
Results
Wade Barrett b. Darren Young – Over the Shoulder Mat Slam
Justin Gabriel b. Heath Slater – 450 Splash
Darren Young was eliminated
Wednesday
There was an alleged story that TNA was going to be canceled on Spike. Turned out to be BS. Oh Bubba the Love Sponge said it. Why are you surprised it was a lie?
Thursday
Impact
Date: May 20, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz
Show Titles: 10 Card Stud
The main thing here is that we get the announcement of the ratings. Angle is back tonight too.
We open with a recap of Sacrifice which was an incredibly boring PPV. Not that it was terribly bad or anything, but it just wasn’t that interesting. Nothing of note happened was my main issue.
Bischoff is here and apparently we’re doing the top ten thing immediately. The three things in consideration are career record, win/loss record and TNA win/loss record. Ok then. Here’s the list. Each guy gets a little highlight package and overly dramatic voiceover thing too.
10. Samoa Joe
9. Rob Terry
8. Desmond Wolfe
7. D’Angelo Dinero
6. Abyss
5. Mr. Anderson
4. Jeff Hardy
3. AJ Styles
2. Kurt Angle
1. Sting
How is Wolfe up there? Who has he beaten? Angle hasn’t been around in a month. No Morgan? Dinero’s last match was a loss. This is making my head hurt. Oh and Abyss got booed. I wonder how often these are going to come out. Terry in a suit works actually. At least Brooke Adams is hot as hell. I know they’ve been planning this for awhile, but this comes off as an NXT inspired thing.
I’m not saying it’s a rip-off, but it comes off as one. It just does and there’s no way around that. Angle isn’t here for some reason. I’m sure that’ll be explained soon. Now, was that sarcasm or not? Sting is the only over heel left on the roster with Anderson hinting at a face turn so he’s all that’s left but still. Also, no KOTM I guess. Jarrett has a possibly torn rotator cuff apparently. The fans say they want a recount. That’s kind of funny.
Bischoff makes Sting vs. Hardy for tonight. Sting beats up Bischoff and Hogan comes out for the save. Oh wait Abyss does instead. He gets beaten up and in a dumb moment, Hardy just grabs the bat from him. Yeah that looked fine. Hardy gets beaten up but here’s RVD. Seriously how long does it take for Hogan to get to the damn arena?
Back from break and Morgan shows up with Hogan and Bischoff. Morgan gets a rematch but needs a partner. Hogan is fed up with Sting. You know that match is coming up and I really don’t want to see it.
Roxxi vs. Madison Rayne
This is non-totle. Roxxi actually looks good. They had to bring her back in because there’s no other Knockout left and the division is dying but what difference does that make? After like two minutes Roxxi hits the Voodoo Drop for the pin. It’s like a fucked up beyond belief half spinebuster/atomic drop/DDT. Yeah it’s weird.
Chelsea doesn’t want to be with Abyss. I’d get tired of the red and yellow thong too.
Kurt is here and doesn’t want to talk.
Angle is back. He takes a jab at WWE and its fans because that’s required anymore in any “big” promo. This is just a highlight package mind you.
And now he’s in the arena. He’s nuts, but to be fair the guy can flat out go when he wants to, which is most of the time. Angle loves the fans. So he’s not Batista. Angle says he’s no longer one of the elite. That’s why he’s second in the poll. He talks about the love of the business and how he’d do this for free. Angle pulls himself out of the top ten and says he wants to earn it. That’s pretty sweet actually. I love it.
Flair and Beer Money are in the back and there’s a tag match with the two of them against Lethal and a mystery partner. Flair implies that he’s the champion when AJ is which is a nice little thing. Kaz comes in and wants to talk to Flair. Ok then.
Rob Terry says he wants Orlando Jordan tonight, even though he beat him last time. He’s fighting hurt apparently.
Orlando Jordan vs. Rob Terry
Odd that his knee is worse now than it used to be. Oh that’s right Jordan jumped him afterwards. It was so interesting and compelling that I completely forgot about it. Apparently this is non-title. Better I guess. Jordan goes for the leg the entire time and calls the match with Terry in a leg lock. Ok then.
Nice job there with the monster angel guys. You job him to Orlando Jordan. Wow. Why do I have a bad feeling Jordan is getting the belt soon? Oh, because TNA is fucking stupid and would think that’s a good idea.
Lethal talks about the joke not working. Van Dam says he’ll be his partner. Lethal smiles like a Make-A-Wish kid.
Jeff talks about idolizing Sting growing up.
Jesse Neal tries to beat up Bubba. It’s stupid. Wow Bubba can be irritating at times with this “respect” crap.
Beer Money vs. Rob Van Dam/Jay Lethal
Lethal looks normal now. I still don’t get the appeal of him but he’s certainly bearable. Van Dam leaves his t-shirt on. We’re told that there’s an X-Division battle royal for the new spot in the rankings because of Angle leaving. Good to know that the X-Division is just thrown in there for what would be the eleven spot, meaning the champion of the division isn’t even the tenth best guy in the company. Van Dam comes in and beats up both guys. Lethal Combination and Rolling Thunder set up a figure four for the submission from Roode.
Flair comes down and brawls with Lethal.
Sting is sitting in the crowd and pops Sting with a chair. Is there a reason he’s wearing a Sting mask over Sting face paint?
Hardy is in the ring. Is this live or is it old? I think he just didn’t have his intro, which is stupid but whatever. He talks about Sting for like 10 seconds and leaves. Odd.
A guy comes up to Wolfe’s locker room and says it’s time. It’s time for the hero to take a woman against her will for somewhat implied rape. Great programming! This is creepy. Wolfe says Abyss isn’t going to take her and kicks Abyss low. At least he has a spine.
The fans cheer for Wolfe and he won a pole a few weeks ago, but we can’t push him right? He breaks open a bottle and goes after Abyss with a piece of it. He cuts Abyss’ arm open with it and a word is beeped. He gets up and beats up Wolfe and takes Chelsea. This is idiotic.
The Band is in the ring. Young talks about being the best. Didn’t we hear this last week? And here’s Ink Inc. instead of the number one contenders. Why should they have anything to do with this right?
Shannon Moore vs. Eric Young
After about three minutes of stuff, the big fat tub of goo that is Bubba interferes and gives Hall the chance to hit Hall with the belt and a piledriver ends it. Bubba beats Neal up after the match.
X-Division Battle Royal
Who’s in this you ask? Figure it out yourself since we’re not told either. Looks like the MCMG, Kaz, Amazing Red, Homicide, Generation ME, Spanky. Oh that’s it. Red is out first. Sabin goes to the ramp but it has to be the floor. Damn that’s stupid. Max Buck is out. Shelley is out. Flair comes out for no apparent reason.
Somehow we’re down to Sabin, Kaz and Homicide. Spanky just appears to mean we’re down to him and Kaz as the final two. This is fucking dumb. Kaz throws him out and wins it. This MIGHT have lasted 4 minutes but I doubt it.
Sting vs. Jeff Hardy
Oh look: another big match thrown on free TV with all of an hour and a half of build. Have to love that TNA booking baby. Shockingly, this is more of a brawl than a match. We get the dueling chants as Sting is OVER AS A HELL DAMN IT! Russo must cry that as he rocks back and forth at night when they put him in his cell. Sting dominates and the ref goes down. Anderson pops up and gives Sting a Death Drop and Hardy pins him to end the show. Ok then.
Results
Roxxi b. Madison Rayne – Voodoo Drop
Orlando Jordan b. Rob Terry – Referee Stoppage
Rob Van Dam/Jay Lethal b. Beer Money – Figure Four on Roode
Eric Young b. Shannon Moore - Piledriver
Kazarian won an X-Division Battle Royal
Jeff Hardy b. Sting – Scorpion Death Drop from Mr. Anderson
Friday
Carlito got released for not going to rehab. That sounds like an excuse to cut him like they’ve been looking to do for years.
Scott Hall got arrested for getting drunk and getting into a fight. I’m shocked too.
Booker T made an appearance at a TNA house show and fought RVD in the main event. No word on this being a one off thing or a permanent change.
Impact got a .96 (1.0) and Superstars got a .77. And this show wanted to go head to head with Raw.
Smackdown
Date: May 21, 2010
Location: Scotia Bank Place, Ottawa, Canada
Commentators: Matt Striker, Todd Grisham
We open with a LONG recap of Swagger and Show last week. To be fair, that was hilarious stuff and it should be recapped. Show vs. McIntyre tonight and Kofi vs. Swagger later. I like that. You take two matches at the PPV and get two matches here.
Straightedge Society is in the ring with three random people. Gallows says Punk is awesome. Serena says Punk is awesome. Gallows runs down Canadian teenagers beg allowed to drink. Punk wants us to all take the pledge. I don’t need to erase anything as it’s what I do so this is great. This is awesomeness personified. It’s haircut time and they aren’t initially interrupted. Rey comes out to show us a picture of Punk bald. Thanks for wasting our time.
Back from commercial, we see what happened during the commercial: Punk and Gallows beat up the three guys.
We recap Laycool winning the title last week. Somehow Layla looked the worst. That’s saying a lot.
Layla/Michelle McCool vs. Tiffany/Kelly Kelly
They’re billed as the self-professed co-women’s champions. Is there supposed to be something sexy about girls smacking their asses together? Now you won’t believe this, but Layla vs. Kelly is BAD. And Tiffany is somehow even worse. After about two minutes, Tiffany goes for a rana but it’s reversed into the Faithbreaker, which is more commonly known as the Styles Clash.
Big Show makes fun of Swagger and his accomplishments. Oh and we see Show knocking him out which still sounds great. I’m actually not sure who is winning at the PPV.
JTG vs. Caylen Croft
Well at least Croft is funny. This match sucks. Croft loses to that spinning clothesline.
Christian talks to Vickie. The Peep Show is back tonight and Vickie wants to be the first guest. Christian says he’d let her be the guest but he wants people to watch.
Jeremy Barner/Brent Roberts vs. Curt Hawkins/Vance Archer
So the two known guys have thirty days to make an impact or they’re gone. Hawkins hits a top rope elbow to win in like 45 seconds. Archer talks afterwards. Hawkins says they’ll make an impact. Moving on.
Show talks more, this time showing a clip of him chokeslamming Swagger through the table. This is rather amusing. Show is great at comedy stuff.
Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston
This is non-title obviously. Swagger says that Show has disrespected him lately. Swagger says he’s disrespect Show at the PPV. We go to a commercial before I have time to type anything about the match. It’s the basic match you would expect from these two but at a slower pace due to the fact that we’re two days away from the PPV and they don’t want to risk an injury.
After a decent amount of time, Show comes out and says he was something to tell Swagger. And Swagger turns around into a cross body from Kofi. Show has one more fact for Swagger: KOFI JUST BEAT YOU. Nice.
Peep Show
The guest is Hornswoggle. Oh dear. He does a bunch of DX stuff and celebrates when he gets on the chair. Christian teaches him to speak Canadian. Some of the words are beer and hockey. And here’s Vickie to be annoying. Chavo is with her. She says that if Christian doesn’t show her respect, she has someone that will make him do so. Chavo comes towards the ring but Dolph Ziggler comes through the crowd and beats him up. Chavo throws in a Frog Splash.
CM Punk/Luke Gallows vs. Rey Mysterio/MVP
MVP comes to the ring with his usual attire unzipped. He should switch to that as it looks better. Ah ok he’s wrestling unzipped. I think I like that. Sweet damn MVP sucks the life out of matches. Rey has been in this all of 30 seconds and the match just is BORING. Rey gets the hot tag and beats everyone up but the masked man jumps up on the apron. It means nothing as Rey hooks a rana on Punk for the pin.
McIntyre talks about being chosen by Vince. Kofi and he have a staredown. Kofi says he wants the title back.
Big Show vs. Drew McIntyre
I literally fast forwarded 12 minutes of commercials as Show came in and that was all shown before another commercial. This is Show’s first official Smackdown match? WOW. Show hits the chokeslam and here’s Swagger for the DQ. Swagger works on Show’s hand but it doesn’t work much. Swagger’s face is great. Swagger runs and Show is pissed. That’s how it ends.
Results
Michelle McCool/Layla b. Tiffany/Kelly Kelly
JTG b. Caylen Croft – Spinning Clothesline
Curt Hawkins/Vance Archer b. Jeremy Barner/Brent Roberts
Kofi Kingston b. Jack Swagger – High Cross Body
Rey Mysterio/MVP b. Luke Gallows/CM Punk - Hurricanrana
Big Show b. Drew McIntyre – DQ – Jack Swagger Interference
Saturday
Apparently Booker was a one off appearance.
Sunday
Over the Limit
Date: May 23, 2010
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Matt Striker, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole
It seems like we’re STILL on the same angles as we were on at Mania. I’m not sure if that’s good or not. Allegedly tonight is Batista’s last or one of his last appearances with WWE. I’m not so sure if that’s the case or not but with the gimmick match tonight, it’s certainly possible. Also on the card tonight we have Swagger vs. Big Show in a match I truly can’t predict but on instinct it’s Swagger. That all being said, let’s get to it.
We have a Spanish announce team. That’s rather odd for this day and age.
Intercontinental Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Drew McIntyre
Could Drew’s music be sweeter? So remember the idea here is that Drew got stripped of the belt and Kofi won a tournament for it. Drew got it put back on him because Vince likes him. This is the big showdown for it I guess. Drew jumps him early as Striker thinks we need to know that it’s been eleven years since the title has changed hands in Detroit. Ok then. The fans are all over Drew who is dominating early.
Apparently most people don’t like working with him which is odd. I guess you can tell more when you’re in the ring though. That makes more sense at least. Smackdown has definitely been having the better in ring stuff lately and this shouldn’t be an exception. Drew does one of those idiotic spots where he jumps into Kofi’s feet when he puts them up. What the hell was that supposed to be? The set might look cool but I can’t tell.
There’s this weird kind of spotlight thing going on from the end of the arena behind the announcers. It’s rather odd and looks like 6 lights coming off of it. Boom Drop in the corner of all places hits. Ok then. Trouble in Paradise misses and the SOS gets a clean pin. Wow did not see that one coming.
Post match Drew gets on the mic and says the show doesn’t keep going until he’s declared champion by Teddy Long. Instead we get Matt Hardy to an ERUPTION. Seriously it’s been like two weeks not 4 months. Twist of Fate puts Drew down.
Punk is looking in a mirror and says he’s awesome. Tonight Mysterio goes straightedge. Luke hugs him which is kind of awkward.
We recap Ted DiBiase vs. R-Truth. This is a simple but effective feud. What more can you ask for? In short, Ted wanted Truth to be his Virgil.
Ted DiBiase vs. R-Truth
Truth’s entrance is awesome. I’m not a fan of him but I have to give him that one. The real Virgil is here with him instead. You can’t beat that for old school guys. Striker says rich people are better. Amen to that brother man. We even get a Virgil chant. WOW.
Cole says that DiBiase paid a couple of guys a few weeks ago to take out R-Truth. One was Carlito. That’s rather amusing. We get a Harley Race impression from about 1983 and the bounty to take out Flair. I love obscure as hell references like that. Truth busts out a Downward Spiral. I hate that move.
Virgil looks more or less exactly the same as he used to. That’s either really impressive or bad. This is really sloppy. Truth…kind of hits the Lie Detector (spinning forearm) for the clean pin. That was bad. Virgil gets the Million Dollar Belt and tries to wake up DiBiase, despite the forearm grazing him at best.
Drew goes into Teddy’s office and says change the decision. Drew destroys the office and a picture of Martin Luther King. Never mind as he doesn’t wreck the picture.
We recap the Punk/Rey feud. More or less, Punk wants Rey in the SES. Rey says they’re hypocrites. This is one of the matches I have no clue on, which is the point I guess.
CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio
All outside parties are banned here, which makes me think Masked Man messing things up somehow. Rey is in yellow tonight which makes him look stupider than usual somehow. Punk jumps him to start. That’s my boy. We get into a semi-Master/Slave dialectic from Lawler. That was bizarre but an essay on that got me through a college class. In a SICK spot, Rey gets thrown into the barber’s chair at ringside. That fucking HURT.
Punk is cut open too so they have to stop the blood flow. Can we get Linda in the Senate already? Rey looks at something under his wrist tape for some reason. The match stops for like three minutes because of this. We get an EPIC boring chant and Punk goes off. Seriously, a fucking trickle of blood is ok. Stopping a PPV for that long because of a cut like that is idiotic. I’ve never seen Punk fucking snap like that and I loved it. Rey hits a sunset flip powerbomb for two.
They crank it up and they both get a bunch of near falls. We get some weird dueling chants that I can’t quite make out. GTS of course doesn’t work. Punk gets a corner powerbomb though. Nice one. Punk kicks Rey’s fucking head off. GTS is reversed again and Rey hits the damn 619. Springboard Splash misses though and this is a good match. And then we get the same pin that HHH beat Jeff Hardy with at some PPV where Rey rolls him up off a sloppy pin. I hate Vince.
Punk is busted open again. Here comes Gallows and Serena and I hope I don’t know what’s coming. They have handcuffs. And here’s….KANE? What the FUCK? Punk is handcuffed and gets his hair cut. I hate WWE sometimes. I truly do.
Ad for Fatal Fourway with all championships being in the title of the show style of matches.
Jericho makes fun of Show and Miz sneaks up on him which doesn’t work. Show threatens to know Jericho out, wake him up and knock him out again. This was funny.
And now let’s have a trailer for Prince of Persia.
Unified Tag Titles: Hart Dynasty vs. Chris Jericho/The Miz
There’s not much to say here at all. It’s not bad but it’s ok I guess. Natalya is solid as a manager. They say that on Monday when Hart won the US Title he was in his homeland. They make it sound like he came from an island nation with like four people on it. It’s a very standard tag match which is both good and bad I suppose.
Kidd takes the Walls and the Codebreaker off a springboard. It just wasn’t a very good one. Somehow that only gets two. Wow. Jericho goes off and yells at Kidd to stay down. That was kind of amusing. We’re getting a lot of near falls here. Miz and Jericho yell at the referee A LOT. Natalya trips Jericho and Smith hits the powerslam for the LONG two.
This started slow but has gotten a lot better. Skull Crushing Finale is blocked but Miz gets a rollup and the tights for two. DAMN good match here. I’m very surprised. Miz does his running clothesline into the corner but Smith catches him to set up the Hart Attack. NICE match with a SWEET ending.
We recap Edge vs. Orton which is just that Edge turned heel again and had a great segment on Raw to set this up. This is the most hyped show on the card. Not sure if it’s going to live up to it. I doubt it will actually.
Edge vs. Randy Orton
They try to talk down the pop that Orton gets for no apparent reason. Orton goes for no tape again which is his new look I guess. Nothing wrong with that. Orton dominates early as would be expected I guess. Edge takes ove and the match is decent enough I guess. Edge hooks a body scissors and the fans think it’s boring. Orton reacts and counters with elbows to get a HUGE RKO chant going. Orton hits the elevated DDT to a huge pop.
The lack of tape thing is working for me. Spear is blocked by a kick. This crowd is NUTS for Orton but his arm is hurt from earlier. Hey we got some psychology in there! Orton might be legit hurt. Yeah he must be. We go to the floor and Edge misses a spear. This has to be legit. At least I think it is. Oh dear.
We recap Swagger vs. Show which you can read the Smackdown review if you want the story on.
Smackdown World Title: Jack Swagger vs. Big Show
This is another one where I don’t know how it’s going to end. Show uses some wrestling here and Swagger’s look is great. SHOW DOES PUSHUPS! Somebody get that boy a Twinkie before he passes out! Swagger goes for the leg and that doesn’t work. Show keeps coming back. After some boring stuff, Show sets for the chokeslam…..and Swagger blasts him in the head with the belt for the intentional DQ. WOW.
Well they went old school with that so I can’t complain. Two belt shots and Show gets up. A chair shot doesn’t work either and Swagger takes a chokeslam. So the world champion can’t put a guy down with two belt shots and a chair. Right. Show drops him with a punch again. Pay no attention to Swagger opening his eyes to make sure things are going right.
We recap Batista vs. Cena and Batista says he’ll make Cena say he quits.
Raw Women’s Title: Maryse vs. Eve Torres
This is better than I’d expect it to be actually. This has gotten some great build over the past few weeks and due to a lack of matches they have to give it a lot of time. Maryse randomly starts crying for no adequately explained reason. We actually get some near falls. Eve hits some fucked up face plant into a rollup for the pin. Cole, Striker and Lawler make jokes about Eve and just lose it on commentary.
We recap Batista vs. Cena which is about 3 months old now. Mainly it’s about Batista being mad about getting Duct-Taped to the post to lose last time.
Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Batista
Batista has a mic and asks Cena if he wants to quit right now. Batista says the words I Quit but for some reason that’s not the end of the match. Cena of course blasts him with the mic. He has a chair within seconds. Some hero eh? Cena gets the split chants again. You can’t argue the guy gets people talking. The problem here is you don’t have to watch the first 20 minutes or so here as nothing is going to happen.
Batista hits the spear if you want to call it that. The fans are awesome tonight. Batista hooks his Rings of Saturn kind of thing but puts far less pressure on it. Cena stands up to get out of it and there’s the STFU. Ropes don’t count for breaks here. Batista passes out in the hold. Some animal indeed. In Austin vs. hart that would be enough. Not here I guess though. Cena gets some water and wakes him up. Ok, now HOOK THE DAMN HOLD AGAIN.
Cena won’t quit off a spinebuster. So Batista takes about 9 hours to set up the two tables on the floor and Cena just lets him. I can’t say I blame him though as it’s a breather for him. Batista gets a powerslam through one of the tables and Cena is cut BAD. Let’s get an EMT out there as we can’t have blood in an anything goes match! This is idiotic. We head into the crowd for a bit now and walk forever.
I guess they wanted to get away from the doctors. Cena is told to quit or he’ll be thrown over. Cena has to answer apparently. Or what? He’ll get water thrown on him? Idiotic line if there ever was one. Cena fights out of it and they fight on the barrier up there. Dangerous looking spot and Batista falls all of 6 feet onto some people. Shockingly, that doesn’t end it. I’m glad as if they didn’t it would have sucked to say the least.
They fight up to the entrance near some cars. I wonder if that’s how it ends. Cena won’t quit and the crowd POPS. Batista gets in a car which of course has the keys in the ignition and he runs into Cena and the set which shoots off some sparks. Apparently he didn’t hit Cena as he’s up and fighting.
Striker says Cena had to have moved since there’s no other way to explain that. FU onto a 78 Camaro and he won’t quit. Cena grabs the mic and says he was really hoping Batista would say that. They go on top of the car and Batista quits to avoid the massive FU. Of course he gets it anyway and goes through the stage. Post match Cena celebrates and the graphic in the corner pops up and they say good night but Sheamus kicks his head off as he turns around to really end it. I like that.
Oh and word is Orton broke his arm.
Results
Kofi Kingston b. Drew McIntyre – SOS
R-Truth b. Ted DiBiase – Spinning Forearm Smash
Rey Mysterio b. CM Punk – Crucifix Rollup
Hart Dynasty b. Chris Jericho/The Miz – Hart Attack
Randy Orton vs. Edge went to a double countout
Big Show b. Jack Swagger – DQ – Swagger uses championship belt
Eve Torres b. Maryse – Faceplant into a rollup
John Cena b. Batista – Thread of an FU off a car
Quick Results
Raw
Edge b. Christian – Spear
Undertaker b. Edge – Count Out
Ted DiBiase b. Yoshi Tatsu – Dream Street
Bret Hart b. The Miz – Sharpshooter
Maryse/Michelle McCool/Layla b. Bella Twins/Eve Torres – French Kiss to Nikki Bella
Randy Orton b. Jack Swagger via Disqualification – Edge interference
Evan Bourne/Gail Kim b. Alicia Fox/Zach Ryder – Eat Defeat
John Cena b. Sheamus via Disqualification – Batista interference
NXT
Wade Barrett b. Darren Young – Over the Shoulder Mat Slam
Justin Gabriel b. Wade Barrett – 450 Splash
Darren Young was eliminated
Impact
Roxxi b. Madison Rayne – Voodoo Drop
Orlando Jordan b. Rob Terry – Referee Stoppage
Rob Van Dam/Jay Lethal b. Beer Money – Figure Four on Roode
Eric Young b. Shannon Moore - Piledriver
Kazarian won an X-Division Battle Royal
Jeff Hardy b. Sting – Scorpion Death Drop from Mr. Anderson
Smackdown
Michelle McCool/Layla b. Tiffany/Kelly Kelly
JTG b. Caylen Croft – Spinning Clothesline
Curt Hawkins/Vance Archer b. Jeremy Barner/Brent Roberts
Kofi Kingston b. Jack Swagger – High Cross Body
Rey Mysterio/MVP b. Luke Gallows/CM Punk - Hurricanrana
Big Show b. Drew McIntyre – DQ – Jack Swagger Interference
Over the Limit
Kofi Kingston b. Drew McIntyre – SOS
R-Truth b. Ted DiBiase – Spinning Forearm Smash
Rey Mysterio b. CM Punk – Crucifix Rollup
Hart Dynasty b. Chris Jericho/The Miz – Hart Attack
Randy Orton vs. Edge went to a double countout
Big Show b. Jack Swagger – DQ – Swagger uses championship belt
Eve Torres b. Maryse – Faceplant into a rollup
John Cena b. Batista – Threat of an FU off a car
Monday Night Raw
Date: May 17, 2010
Location: Air Canada Center, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Guest Host: Buzz Aldrin
Remember there are no commercials tonight. Why does this sound unlikely?
Cena vs. Sheamus and Hart vs. Miz tonight.
Bret is here first. Also, I could be wrong but I think that sounds like his old music, or at least a closer mix to his original. Oh yeah he’s still a legend here. He says WWF in an amusing bit. He doesn’t want to be remembered as a guy that won’t hang it up so he won’t be fighting tonight. And here’s Jericho. Jericho wants to know why Bret came back at all. Apparently he’s already held on too long. Oh and he’s a hypocrite.
There’s your required Montreal reference. Bret talks about how bad Jericho was in the Dungeon. That’s rather amusing. He takes a long time to say that no one cares about Bret anymore. HUGE we want Bret chant comes up. Apparently Miz vs. Hart is on for tonight. Jericho says he’ll get himself intentionally disqualified. So let’s make it no rules. Ok then.
Edge and Orton are doing Pick Your Poison. Damn they have to watch Jake Roberts’ DVD? In other words each guy picks the other’s opponent.
Canada gets commercials. We get “words from our sponsors.” They’re parodies of the “15 minutes will save you 15%” but for WWE.com. This involves Horny driving a Hummer and Khali driving a compact. WOW.
Edge vs. Orton’s Choice
Before the match, Edge talks about all the people he’s beaten up or intimidated. And here’s Christian. Yep X just came. And another PPV match is hotshotted. To be fair, it’s not as bad as say RVD vs. AJ for the title on Impact. Lawler points out that we’ve had four straight Canadians so far. That’s not amusing or anything but more just pointing out the obvious. At least there’s been some buildup from Smackdown a few weeks ago.
And this is the dream match in Toronto so there we are. Still not happy with it though. We get a nice little sequence as they keep trying to counter each other based on their knowledge of each other. We’ll ignore that they mainly use stuff from more recent years when they haven’t been teaming together for dramatic purposes. Again they’re no longer brothers. I wonder if there’s a way to get that removed. Maybe some kind of weird surgery.
Edge works the arm pretty well to try to give us some psychology. Nothing magnificent here but it’s working fairly well I’d think. I hate when referees slap the mat when they’re getting into a position. Some guys do that for their one count while others are doing nothing at all. This is getting a lot of time as we’re at over ten minutes already.
After a bunch of near falls, Edge goes back to the arm. Spear misses and Christian hits the back elbow. He goes for the Killswitch but HIS ARM GIVES OUT! YES YES YES YES YES!!!!! PSY-FUCKING-COLOGY!!! Edge sends him into the post and the spear ends it. Great match.
Orton comes on the screen and asks Edge why Christian was there since that wasn’t his handpicked opponent. Oh that’s good. And that’s the sound of a gong.
Edge vs. Undertaker
BIG OLD POP for Taker. Edge is just like AWW CRAP. Edge won’t fight because he’s Edge I guess and just takes the count out. Christian throws him back in for a big ass chokeslam. Nicely done here with Orton playing mind games and getting more damage done on Edge than he would have otherwise.
Ad for Over the Limit. I wouldn’t call that a commercial I guess.
Maryse is looking at a magazine with Trish on the cover. She points out the difference between being Canadian and French Canadian and runs down Eve. Since this is professional wrestling, Eve pops up behind her and we get a big brawl. Yeah it’s not incredibly interesting but this runs circles around the Knockouts right now.
Buzz Aldrin and his wife are in the back. Vickie shows up and they go back and forth for a bit. Her replacement is here next week. Buzz has a new Iphone App.
We recap Henry getting beaten up by Batista last week.
Mark Henry vs. Batista
Batista runs down the aisle and breaks a 2x4 over his shoulder before the match ever starts. Ok then. No match but just a big beating by Dave.
We see Sheamus winning the title from Cena back in December. That really was shocking.
DiBiase does a Mastercard spoof about R-Truth. It’s a clever recap if nothing else.
Ted DiBiase vs. Yoshi Tatsu
DiBiase comes out with Virgil. Yes, THAT Virgil. Something tells me Norcal just exploded. Truth vs. DiBiase at Over the Limit. There’s a big Virgil chant. Oh dear. Apparently Virgil never complained about DiBiase. Other than the whole Mania 7 match and all that jazz. Dream Street ends it in like three minutes. Short and sweet…kind of. Virgil doesn’t mind being Virgil. That’s a pretty good line. His trust fund has kicked in too, and if he can’t buy it he’ll beat it.
Ad for Punk vs. Mysterio.
Jericho and Miz are talking in the back. Matthews tries to talk to Miz but Miz smacks him and takes the microphone. That was awesome. That’s rather brilliant. He says he’ll make Bret tap to the Sharpshooter.
US Title: Bret Hart vs. The Miz
I think Bret wins. No way he doesn’t actually. Wow this is weird to see. Bret gives his glasses to a kid. THANK You. When I was a kid the person next to me got them at a house show. I was pissed. I got a Slaughter helmet from Slaughter though. Miz runs from Bret as Cole tries to be a heel. Wow it’s just not any good at all. Miz says he doesn’t trust Bret and has his own goons: Regal and Kozlov.
Hart Dynasty pop up to take care of them so we’re down to Bret vs. Miz again. And here’s Jericho. Natalya comes in to do what she can and slaps Jericho. Naturally Bret gets beaten up but the Hart Dynasty is back. Kidd keeps Bret out of the Sharpshooter. Miz takes a Hart Attack and Bret puts on the Sharpshooter to WIN THE US TITLE! WOW. I guess he vacates it like last week. I’m fine with this as it’s a nice sendoff for him and now he can let things rest in peace. That’s good. Cole of course bitches.
Ad for the MITB PPV. I’m going to the go home Raw and maybe Smackdown. They’re my reviews so I’ll plug myself if I want to.
Another “commercial” where Santino is the most interesting person in the world. Commercials are such easy targets for parody and there needs to be more of them.
Layla/Michelle McCool/Maryse vs. Eve Torres/Bella Twins
Maryse vs. Eve on Sunday, and both Layla and Michelle have belts now. I like it. Yep the Bellas are still gorgeous. Layla vs. Eve to start us out. Eve hits an Olympic Slam called a Samoan Drop by Cole. Layla is better than she seems. Nikki beats up Michelle. This isn’t that interesting but it’s better than the Knockouts’ bullshit. Maryse hits her DDT on Nikki for the pin. Maryse and Eve brawl afterwards.
Cena says he’s not worried about people that disagree with them and he wants to talk to his fans. He says he’s fighting Sheamus to keep him out of the picture at Over the Limit. Makes sense.
Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger
In a nice line, Lawler says that it’s likely harder for Edge to find someone to fight Orton than it is for Orton to find someone to fight Edge. Subtle but effective. Is there a point to the Brand Split anymore? Orton does the stomping thing and it’s rather irritating still. After a nice solid match, Orton gets the RKO but walks into a spear from a waiting Edge. That works. At least Swagger didn’t job again. To be fair though he did get a clean pin on him at Extreme Rules so that’s a good thing.
We run down the card and here’s Buzz Aldrin. Again, this man is hosting Raw why? Here’s Zach Ryder. This is nothing special.
Evan Bourne/Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox/Zach Ryder
Decent little match and the girls looked good at least. Gail pins Fox after that slam her head into Gail’s foot thing. Ah it’s called Eat Defeat. Yeah the Divas are way ahead of the Knockouts at the moment. The wrestling may be bad, but it’s WRESTLING. It’s not about stupid people that look good but can’t wrestle.
Ok it is but at the same time the Divas are actually improving. Also, there are actual feuds rather than just the Beautiful People doing random bullshit. Can’t believe I’m saying this, but the Divas are far better at the moment than the Knockouts.
Jon Lovitz is the guest host next week.
We get another “message from our sponsors”, this time with Goldust on a blind date. It’s for WWEshop.com. Yeah that wasn’t that funny.
Sheamus vs. John Cena
We get a fairly decent match where Sheamus loses to Cena by DQ which is a nice way to keep that rivalry alive. Batista comes in with the spear after a DQ. He gets his Rings of Batista thing on but Cena won’t quit and the show ends. Not much, but for like 7 minutes what do you expect from them?
Results
Edge b. Christian – Spear
Undertaker b. Edge – Count Out
Ted DiBiase b. Yoshi Tatsu – Dream Street
Bret Hart b. The Miz – Sharpshooter
Maryse/Michelle McCool/Layla b. Bella Twins/Eve Torres – French Kiss to Nikki Bella
Randy Orton b. Jack Swagger via Disqualification – Edge interference
Evan Bourne/Gail Kim b. Alicia Fox/Zach Ryder – Eat Defeat
John Cena b. Sheamus via Disqualification – Batista interference
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.4.
NXT
Date: May 18, 2010
Location: Scotia Bank Place, Ottawa, Canada
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Michael Cole
We recap last week’s show and all three eliminations.
Striker brings out the pros instead of the rookies. Is there a reason why Carlito isn’t there but Miz is? Carlito, Miz and Regal have had their rookies eliminated but Calito is the only one not there. Truth is still in but he’s not there. Whatever. They’re asked what they’re looking for in a wrestler.
Miz – The IT Factor. When a person is flipping through the channels, you see someone and you’re instantly intrigued and want to watch them.
Regal – A total package. Someone with the in ring skills, the mic skills, the presence etc.
Punk – Hates the crowd and won’t talk.
Christian – Someone that steps up and takes the competition. And someone with the IT Factor.
Matt – Among the rest of what was said, also the ability to survive in the locker room.
Jericho – Someone who he would be willing to pay to see.
Darren Young vs. Wade Barrett
Young – 7-3, 5th place
Barrett – 6-4, 1st place
This is pretty short and not much of note. Barrett wins it with his over the shoulder slam. Both are now 7-4.
The pros talk about Otunga. They think he has the IT factor but not the in ring abilities. Can’t say I disagree.
Tarver and Danielson are in the ring. Tarver says he was treated unfairly and the management felt threatened by someone like him. Yeah that’s smart to say. He says he acted the way he did because it made people remember him. That actually makes sense. And Striker cuts him off.
Danielson goes on a rant talking about how great he is. Miz freaks out and Danielson calls him out. Instead he goes after Cole. AND THERE THEY GO! Cole gets beaten up and not a lot of people care.
Justin Gabriel vs. Heath Slater
Gabriel – 5-3, 3rd place
Slater – 5-4, 4th place
Slater has new tights and Danielson is being ranted about even more by Cole…who leaves. Ok then. Not a good sign when Cole is involved with the major angle of the show. There’s not much here but Gabriel hits the sweet 450 for the clean pin. That’s rather surprising to me.
Sheffield says he was a threat. Isn’t this what Tarver said?
Damn it Cole is back.
The pros talk about Young. Jericho says he voted last for him in the first poll. Apparently they don’t like him.
Time for the poll. No interviews first either.
1. Wade Barrett
2. David Otunga
3. Heath Slater
Slater moves up despite losing to Gabriel? What sense does that make? Whatever.
4. Justin Gabriel
5. Darren Young
Young goes up to the rookies and says he respects them all and that you’ll see him again to close the show.
Results
Wade Barrett b. Darren Young – Over the Shoulder Mat Slam
Justin Gabriel b. Heath Slater – 450 Splash
Darren Young was eliminated
Wednesday
There was an alleged story that TNA was going to be canceled on Spike. Turned out to be BS. Oh Bubba the Love Sponge said it. Why are you surprised it was a lie?
Thursday
Impact
Date: May 20, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz
Show Titles: 10 Card Stud
The main thing here is that we get the announcement of the ratings. Angle is back tonight too.
We open with a recap of Sacrifice which was an incredibly boring PPV. Not that it was terribly bad or anything, but it just wasn’t that interesting. Nothing of note happened was my main issue.
Bischoff is here and apparently we’re doing the top ten thing immediately. The three things in consideration are career record, win/loss record and TNA win/loss record. Ok then. Here’s the list. Each guy gets a little highlight package and overly dramatic voiceover thing too.
10. Samoa Joe
9. Rob Terry
8. Desmond Wolfe
7. D’Angelo Dinero
6. Abyss
5. Mr. Anderson
4. Jeff Hardy
3. AJ Styles
2. Kurt Angle
1. Sting
How is Wolfe up there? Who has he beaten? Angle hasn’t been around in a month. No Morgan? Dinero’s last match was a loss. This is making my head hurt. Oh and Abyss got booed. I wonder how often these are going to come out. Terry in a suit works actually. At least Brooke Adams is hot as hell. I know they’ve been planning this for awhile, but this comes off as an NXT inspired thing.
I’m not saying it’s a rip-off, but it comes off as one. It just does and there’s no way around that. Angle isn’t here for some reason. I’m sure that’ll be explained soon. Now, was that sarcasm or not? Sting is the only over heel left on the roster with Anderson hinting at a face turn so he’s all that’s left but still. Also, no KOTM I guess. Jarrett has a possibly torn rotator cuff apparently. The fans say they want a recount. That’s kind of funny.
Bischoff makes Sting vs. Hardy for tonight. Sting beats up Bischoff and Hogan comes out for the save. Oh wait Abyss does instead. He gets beaten up and in a dumb moment, Hardy just grabs the bat from him. Yeah that looked fine. Hardy gets beaten up but here’s RVD. Seriously how long does it take for Hogan to get to the damn arena?
Back from break and Morgan shows up with Hogan and Bischoff. Morgan gets a rematch but needs a partner. Hogan is fed up with Sting. You know that match is coming up and I really don’t want to see it.
Roxxi vs. Madison Rayne
This is non-totle. Roxxi actually looks good. They had to bring her back in because there’s no other Knockout left and the division is dying but what difference does that make? After like two minutes Roxxi hits the Voodoo Drop for the pin. It’s like a fucked up beyond belief half spinebuster/atomic drop/DDT. Yeah it’s weird.
Chelsea doesn’t want to be with Abyss. I’d get tired of the red and yellow thong too.
Kurt is here and doesn’t want to talk.
Angle is back. He takes a jab at WWE and its fans because that’s required anymore in any “big” promo. This is just a highlight package mind you.
And now he’s in the arena. He’s nuts, but to be fair the guy can flat out go when he wants to, which is most of the time. Angle loves the fans. So he’s not Batista. Angle says he’s no longer one of the elite. That’s why he’s second in the poll. He talks about the love of the business and how he’d do this for free. Angle pulls himself out of the top ten and says he wants to earn it. That’s pretty sweet actually. I love it.
Flair and Beer Money are in the back and there’s a tag match with the two of them against Lethal and a mystery partner. Flair implies that he’s the champion when AJ is which is a nice little thing. Kaz comes in and wants to talk to Flair. Ok then.
Rob Terry says he wants Orlando Jordan tonight, even though he beat him last time. He’s fighting hurt apparently.
Orlando Jordan vs. Rob Terry
Odd that his knee is worse now than it used to be. Oh that’s right Jordan jumped him afterwards. It was so interesting and compelling that I completely forgot about it. Apparently this is non-title. Better I guess. Jordan goes for the leg the entire time and calls the match with Terry in a leg lock. Ok then.
Nice job there with the monster angel guys. You job him to Orlando Jordan. Wow. Why do I have a bad feeling Jordan is getting the belt soon? Oh, because TNA is fucking stupid and would think that’s a good idea.
Lethal talks about the joke not working. Van Dam says he’ll be his partner. Lethal smiles like a Make-A-Wish kid.
Jeff talks about idolizing Sting growing up.
Jesse Neal tries to beat up Bubba. It’s stupid. Wow Bubba can be irritating at times with this “respect” crap.
Beer Money vs. Rob Van Dam/Jay Lethal
Lethal looks normal now. I still don’t get the appeal of him but he’s certainly bearable. Van Dam leaves his t-shirt on. We’re told that there’s an X-Division battle royal for the new spot in the rankings because of Angle leaving. Good to know that the X-Division is just thrown in there for what would be the eleven spot, meaning the champion of the division isn’t even the tenth best guy in the company. Van Dam comes in and beats up both guys. Lethal Combination and Rolling Thunder set up a figure four for the submission from Roode.
Flair comes down and brawls with Lethal.
Sting is sitting in the crowd and pops Sting with a chair. Is there a reason he’s wearing a Sting mask over Sting face paint?
Hardy is in the ring. Is this live or is it old? I think he just didn’t have his intro, which is stupid but whatever. He talks about Sting for like 10 seconds and leaves. Odd.
A guy comes up to Wolfe’s locker room and says it’s time. It’s time for the hero to take a woman against her will for somewhat implied rape. Great programming! This is creepy. Wolfe says Abyss isn’t going to take her and kicks Abyss low. At least he has a spine.
The fans cheer for Wolfe and he won a pole a few weeks ago, but we can’t push him right? He breaks open a bottle and goes after Abyss with a piece of it. He cuts Abyss’ arm open with it and a word is beeped. He gets up and beats up Wolfe and takes Chelsea. This is idiotic.
The Band is in the ring. Young talks about being the best. Didn’t we hear this last week? And here’s Ink Inc. instead of the number one contenders. Why should they have anything to do with this right?
Shannon Moore vs. Eric Young
After about three minutes of stuff, the big fat tub of goo that is Bubba interferes and gives Hall the chance to hit Hall with the belt and a piledriver ends it. Bubba beats Neal up after the match.
X-Division Battle Royal
Who’s in this you ask? Figure it out yourself since we’re not told either. Looks like the MCMG, Kaz, Amazing Red, Homicide, Generation ME, Spanky. Oh that’s it. Red is out first. Sabin goes to the ramp but it has to be the floor. Damn that’s stupid. Max Buck is out. Shelley is out. Flair comes out for no apparent reason.
Somehow we’re down to Sabin, Kaz and Homicide. Spanky just appears to mean we’re down to him and Kaz as the final two. This is fucking dumb. Kaz throws him out and wins it. This MIGHT have lasted 4 minutes but I doubt it.
Sting vs. Jeff Hardy
Oh look: another big match thrown on free TV with all of an hour and a half of build. Have to love that TNA booking baby. Shockingly, this is more of a brawl than a match. We get the dueling chants as Sting is OVER AS A HELL DAMN IT! Russo must cry that as he rocks back and forth at night when they put him in his cell. Sting dominates and the ref goes down. Anderson pops up and gives Sting a Death Drop and Hardy pins him to end the show. Ok then.
Results
Roxxi b. Madison Rayne – Voodoo Drop
Orlando Jordan b. Rob Terry – Referee Stoppage
Rob Van Dam/Jay Lethal b. Beer Money – Figure Four on Roode
Eric Young b. Shannon Moore - Piledriver
Kazarian won an X-Division Battle Royal
Jeff Hardy b. Sting – Scorpion Death Drop from Mr. Anderson
Friday
Carlito got released for not going to rehab. That sounds like an excuse to cut him like they’ve been looking to do for years.
Scott Hall got arrested for getting drunk and getting into a fight. I’m shocked too.
Booker T made an appearance at a TNA house show and fought RVD in the main event. No word on this being a one off thing or a permanent change.
Impact got a .96 (1.0) and Superstars got a .77. And this show wanted to go head to head with Raw.
Smackdown
Date: May 21, 2010
Location: Scotia Bank Place, Ottawa, Canada
Commentators: Matt Striker, Todd Grisham
We open with a LONG recap of Swagger and Show last week. To be fair, that was hilarious stuff and it should be recapped. Show vs. McIntyre tonight and Kofi vs. Swagger later. I like that. You take two matches at the PPV and get two matches here.
Straightedge Society is in the ring with three random people. Gallows says Punk is awesome. Serena says Punk is awesome. Gallows runs down Canadian teenagers beg allowed to drink. Punk wants us to all take the pledge. I don’t need to erase anything as it’s what I do so this is great. This is awesomeness personified. It’s haircut time and they aren’t initially interrupted. Rey comes out to show us a picture of Punk bald. Thanks for wasting our time.
Back from commercial, we see what happened during the commercial: Punk and Gallows beat up the three guys.
We recap Laycool winning the title last week. Somehow Layla looked the worst. That’s saying a lot.
Layla/Michelle McCool vs. Tiffany/Kelly Kelly
They’re billed as the self-professed co-women’s champions. Is there supposed to be something sexy about girls smacking their asses together? Now you won’t believe this, but Layla vs. Kelly is BAD. And Tiffany is somehow even worse. After about two minutes, Tiffany goes for a rana but it’s reversed into the Faithbreaker, which is more commonly known as the Styles Clash.
Big Show makes fun of Swagger and his accomplishments. Oh and we see Show knocking him out which still sounds great. I’m actually not sure who is winning at the PPV.
JTG vs. Caylen Croft
Well at least Croft is funny. This match sucks. Croft loses to that spinning clothesline.
Christian talks to Vickie. The Peep Show is back tonight and Vickie wants to be the first guest. Christian says he’d let her be the guest but he wants people to watch.
Jeremy Barner/Brent Roberts vs. Curt Hawkins/Vance Archer
So the two known guys have thirty days to make an impact or they’re gone. Hawkins hits a top rope elbow to win in like 45 seconds. Archer talks afterwards. Hawkins says they’ll make an impact. Moving on.
Show talks more, this time showing a clip of him chokeslamming Swagger through the table. This is rather amusing. Show is great at comedy stuff.
Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston
This is non-title obviously. Swagger says that Show has disrespected him lately. Swagger says he’s disrespect Show at the PPV. We go to a commercial before I have time to type anything about the match. It’s the basic match you would expect from these two but at a slower pace due to the fact that we’re two days away from the PPV and they don’t want to risk an injury.
After a decent amount of time, Show comes out and says he was something to tell Swagger. And Swagger turns around into a cross body from Kofi. Show has one more fact for Swagger: KOFI JUST BEAT YOU. Nice.
Peep Show
The guest is Hornswoggle. Oh dear. He does a bunch of DX stuff and celebrates when he gets on the chair. Christian teaches him to speak Canadian. Some of the words are beer and hockey. And here’s Vickie to be annoying. Chavo is with her. She says that if Christian doesn’t show her respect, she has someone that will make him do so. Chavo comes towards the ring but Dolph Ziggler comes through the crowd and beats him up. Chavo throws in a Frog Splash.
CM Punk/Luke Gallows vs. Rey Mysterio/MVP
MVP comes to the ring with his usual attire unzipped. He should switch to that as it looks better. Ah ok he’s wrestling unzipped. I think I like that. Sweet damn MVP sucks the life out of matches. Rey has been in this all of 30 seconds and the match just is BORING. Rey gets the hot tag and beats everyone up but the masked man jumps up on the apron. It means nothing as Rey hooks a rana on Punk for the pin.
McIntyre talks about being chosen by Vince. Kofi and he have a staredown. Kofi says he wants the title back.
Big Show vs. Drew McIntyre
I literally fast forwarded 12 minutes of commercials as Show came in and that was all shown before another commercial. This is Show’s first official Smackdown match? WOW. Show hits the chokeslam and here’s Swagger for the DQ. Swagger works on Show’s hand but it doesn’t work much. Swagger’s face is great. Swagger runs and Show is pissed. That’s how it ends.
Results
Michelle McCool/Layla b. Tiffany/Kelly Kelly
JTG b. Caylen Croft – Spinning Clothesline
Curt Hawkins/Vance Archer b. Jeremy Barner/Brent Roberts
Kofi Kingston b. Jack Swagger – High Cross Body
Rey Mysterio/MVP b. Luke Gallows/CM Punk - Hurricanrana
Big Show b. Drew McIntyre – DQ – Jack Swagger Interference
Saturday
Apparently Booker was a one off appearance.
Sunday
Over the Limit
Date: May 23, 2010
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Matt Striker, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole
It seems like we’re STILL on the same angles as we were on at Mania. I’m not sure if that’s good or not. Allegedly tonight is Batista’s last or one of his last appearances with WWE. I’m not so sure if that’s the case or not but with the gimmick match tonight, it’s certainly possible. Also on the card tonight we have Swagger vs. Big Show in a match I truly can’t predict but on instinct it’s Swagger. That all being said, let’s get to it.
We have a Spanish announce team. That’s rather odd for this day and age.
Intercontinental Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Drew McIntyre
Could Drew’s music be sweeter? So remember the idea here is that Drew got stripped of the belt and Kofi won a tournament for it. Drew got it put back on him because Vince likes him. This is the big showdown for it I guess. Drew jumps him early as Striker thinks we need to know that it’s been eleven years since the title has changed hands in Detroit. Ok then. The fans are all over Drew who is dominating early.
Apparently most people don’t like working with him which is odd. I guess you can tell more when you’re in the ring though. That makes more sense at least. Smackdown has definitely been having the better in ring stuff lately and this shouldn’t be an exception. Drew does one of those idiotic spots where he jumps into Kofi’s feet when he puts them up. What the hell was that supposed to be? The set might look cool but I can’t tell.
There’s this weird kind of spotlight thing going on from the end of the arena behind the announcers. It’s rather odd and looks like 6 lights coming off of it. Boom Drop in the corner of all places hits. Ok then. Trouble in Paradise misses and the SOS gets a clean pin. Wow did not see that one coming.
Post match Drew gets on the mic and says the show doesn’t keep going until he’s declared champion by Teddy Long. Instead we get Matt Hardy to an ERUPTION. Seriously it’s been like two weeks not 4 months. Twist of Fate puts Drew down.
Punk is looking in a mirror and says he’s awesome. Tonight Mysterio goes straightedge. Luke hugs him which is kind of awkward.
We recap Ted DiBiase vs. R-Truth. This is a simple but effective feud. What more can you ask for? In short, Ted wanted Truth to be his Virgil.
Ted DiBiase vs. R-Truth
Truth’s entrance is awesome. I’m not a fan of him but I have to give him that one. The real Virgil is here with him instead. You can’t beat that for old school guys. Striker says rich people are better. Amen to that brother man. We even get a Virgil chant. WOW.
Cole says that DiBiase paid a couple of guys a few weeks ago to take out R-Truth. One was Carlito. That’s rather amusing. We get a Harley Race impression from about 1983 and the bounty to take out Flair. I love obscure as hell references like that. Truth busts out a Downward Spiral. I hate that move.
Virgil looks more or less exactly the same as he used to. That’s either really impressive or bad. This is really sloppy. Truth…kind of hits the Lie Detector (spinning forearm) for the clean pin. That was bad. Virgil gets the Million Dollar Belt and tries to wake up DiBiase, despite the forearm grazing him at best.
Drew goes into Teddy’s office and says change the decision. Drew destroys the office and a picture of Martin Luther King. Never mind as he doesn’t wreck the picture.
We recap the Punk/Rey feud. More or less, Punk wants Rey in the SES. Rey says they’re hypocrites. This is one of the matches I have no clue on, which is the point I guess.
CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio
All outside parties are banned here, which makes me think Masked Man messing things up somehow. Rey is in yellow tonight which makes him look stupider than usual somehow. Punk jumps him to start. That’s my boy. We get into a semi-Master/Slave dialectic from Lawler. That was bizarre but an essay on that got me through a college class. In a SICK spot, Rey gets thrown into the barber’s chair at ringside. That fucking HURT.
Punk is cut open too so they have to stop the blood flow. Can we get Linda in the Senate already? Rey looks at something under his wrist tape for some reason. The match stops for like three minutes because of this. We get an EPIC boring chant and Punk goes off. Seriously, a fucking trickle of blood is ok. Stopping a PPV for that long because of a cut like that is idiotic. I’ve never seen Punk fucking snap like that and I loved it. Rey hits a sunset flip powerbomb for two.
They crank it up and they both get a bunch of near falls. We get some weird dueling chants that I can’t quite make out. GTS of course doesn’t work. Punk gets a corner powerbomb though. Nice one. Punk kicks Rey’s fucking head off. GTS is reversed again and Rey hits the damn 619. Springboard Splash misses though and this is a good match. And then we get the same pin that HHH beat Jeff Hardy with at some PPV where Rey rolls him up off a sloppy pin. I hate Vince.
Punk is busted open again. Here comes Gallows and Serena and I hope I don’t know what’s coming. They have handcuffs. And here’s….KANE? What the FUCK? Punk is handcuffed and gets his hair cut. I hate WWE sometimes. I truly do.
Ad for Fatal Fourway with all championships being in the title of the show style of matches.
Jericho makes fun of Show and Miz sneaks up on him which doesn’t work. Show threatens to know Jericho out, wake him up and knock him out again. This was funny.
And now let’s have a trailer for Prince of Persia.
Unified Tag Titles: Hart Dynasty vs. Chris Jericho/The Miz
There’s not much to say here at all. It’s not bad but it’s ok I guess. Natalya is solid as a manager. They say that on Monday when Hart won the US Title he was in his homeland. They make it sound like he came from an island nation with like four people on it. It’s a very standard tag match which is both good and bad I suppose.
Kidd takes the Walls and the Codebreaker off a springboard. It just wasn’t a very good one. Somehow that only gets two. Wow. Jericho goes off and yells at Kidd to stay down. That was kind of amusing. We’re getting a lot of near falls here. Miz and Jericho yell at the referee A LOT. Natalya trips Jericho and Smith hits the powerslam for the LONG two.
This started slow but has gotten a lot better. Skull Crushing Finale is blocked but Miz gets a rollup and the tights for two. DAMN good match here. I’m very surprised. Miz does his running clothesline into the corner but Smith catches him to set up the Hart Attack. NICE match with a SWEET ending.
We recap Edge vs. Orton which is just that Edge turned heel again and had a great segment on Raw to set this up. This is the most hyped show on the card. Not sure if it’s going to live up to it. I doubt it will actually.
Edge vs. Randy Orton
They try to talk down the pop that Orton gets for no apparent reason. Orton goes for no tape again which is his new look I guess. Nothing wrong with that. Orton dominates early as would be expected I guess. Edge takes ove and the match is decent enough I guess. Edge hooks a body scissors and the fans think it’s boring. Orton reacts and counters with elbows to get a HUGE RKO chant going. Orton hits the elevated DDT to a huge pop.
The lack of tape thing is working for me. Spear is blocked by a kick. This crowd is NUTS for Orton but his arm is hurt from earlier. Hey we got some psychology in there! Orton might be legit hurt. Yeah he must be. We go to the floor and Edge misses a spear. This has to be legit. At least I think it is. Oh dear.
We recap Swagger vs. Show which you can read the Smackdown review if you want the story on.
Smackdown World Title: Jack Swagger vs. Big Show
This is another one where I don’t know how it’s going to end. Show uses some wrestling here and Swagger’s look is great. SHOW DOES PUSHUPS! Somebody get that boy a Twinkie before he passes out! Swagger goes for the leg and that doesn’t work. Show keeps coming back. After some boring stuff, Show sets for the chokeslam…..and Swagger blasts him in the head with the belt for the intentional DQ. WOW.
Well they went old school with that so I can’t complain. Two belt shots and Show gets up. A chair shot doesn’t work either and Swagger takes a chokeslam. So the world champion can’t put a guy down with two belt shots and a chair. Right. Show drops him with a punch again. Pay no attention to Swagger opening his eyes to make sure things are going right.
We recap Batista vs. Cena and Batista says he’ll make Cena say he quits.
Raw Women’s Title: Maryse vs. Eve Torres
This is better than I’d expect it to be actually. This has gotten some great build over the past few weeks and due to a lack of matches they have to give it a lot of time. Maryse randomly starts crying for no adequately explained reason. We actually get some near falls. Eve hits some fucked up face plant into a rollup for the pin. Cole, Striker and Lawler make jokes about Eve and just lose it on commentary.
We recap Batista vs. Cena which is about 3 months old now. Mainly it’s about Batista being mad about getting Duct-Taped to the post to lose last time.
Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Batista
Batista has a mic and asks Cena if he wants to quit right now. Batista says the words I Quit but for some reason that’s not the end of the match. Cena of course blasts him with the mic. He has a chair within seconds. Some hero eh? Cena gets the split chants again. You can’t argue the guy gets people talking. The problem here is you don’t have to watch the first 20 minutes or so here as nothing is going to happen.
Batista hits the spear if you want to call it that. The fans are awesome tonight. Batista hooks his Rings of Saturn kind of thing but puts far less pressure on it. Cena stands up to get out of it and there’s the STFU. Ropes don’t count for breaks here. Batista passes out in the hold. Some animal indeed. In Austin vs. hart that would be enough. Not here I guess though. Cena gets some water and wakes him up. Ok, now HOOK THE DAMN HOLD AGAIN.
Cena won’t quit off a spinebuster. So Batista takes about 9 hours to set up the two tables on the floor and Cena just lets him. I can’t say I blame him though as it’s a breather for him. Batista gets a powerslam through one of the tables and Cena is cut BAD. Let’s get an EMT out there as we can’t have blood in an anything goes match! This is idiotic. We head into the crowd for a bit now and walk forever.
I guess they wanted to get away from the doctors. Cena is told to quit or he’ll be thrown over. Cena has to answer apparently. Or what? He’ll get water thrown on him? Idiotic line if there ever was one. Cena fights out of it and they fight on the barrier up there. Dangerous looking spot and Batista falls all of 6 feet onto some people. Shockingly, that doesn’t end it. I’m glad as if they didn’t it would have sucked to say the least.
They fight up to the entrance near some cars. I wonder if that’s how it ends. Cena won’t quit and the crowd POPS. Batista gets in a car which of course has the keys in the ignition and he runs into Cena and the set which shoots off some sparks. Apparently he didn’t hit Cena as he’s up and fighting.
Striker says Cena had to have moved since there’s no other way to explain that. FU onto a 78 Camaro and he won’t quit. Cena grabs the mic and says he was really hoping Batista would say that. They go on top of the car and Batista quits to avoid the massive FU. Of course he gets it anyway and goes through the stage. Post match Cena celebrates and the graphic in the corner pops up and they say good night but Sheamus kicks his head off as he turns around to really end it. I like that.
Oh and word is Orton broke his arm.
Results
Kofi Kingston b. Drew McIntyre – SOS
R-Truth b. Ted DiBiase – Spinning Forearm Smash
Rey Mysterio b. CM Punk – Crucifix Rollup
Hart Dynasty b. Chris Jericho/The Miz – Hart Attack
Randy Orton vs. Edge went to a double countout
Big Show b. Jack Swagger – DQ – Swagger uses championship belt
Eve Torres b. Maryse – Faceplant into a rollup
John Cena b. Batista – Thread of an FU off a car
Quick Results
Raw
Edge b. Christian – Spear
Undertaker b. Edge – Count Out
Ted DiBiase b. Yoshi Tatsu – Dream Street
Bret Hart b. The Miz – Sharpshooter
Maryse/Michelle McCool/Layla b. Bella Twins/Eve Torres – French Kiss to Nikki Bella
Randy Orton b. Jack Swagger via Disqualification – Edge interference
Evan Bourne/Gail Kim b. Alicia Fox/Zach Ryder – Eat Defeat
John Cena b. Sheamus via Disqualification – Batista interference
NXT
Wade Barrett b. Darren Young – Over the Shoulder Mat Slam
Justin Gabriel b. Wade Barrett – 450 Splash
Darren Young was eliminated
Impact
Roxxi b. Madison Rayne – Voodoo Drop
Orlando Jordan b. Rob Terry – Referee Stoppage
Rob Van Dam/Jay Lethal b. Beer Money – Figure Four on Roode
Eric Young b. Shannon Moore - Piledriver
Kazarian won an X-Division Battle Royal
Jeff Hardy b. Sting – Scorpion Death Drop from Mr. Anderson
Smackdown
Michelle McCool/Layla b. Tiffany/Kelly Kelly
JTG b. Caylen Croft – Spinning Clothesline
Curt Hawkins/Vance Archer b. Jeremy Barner/Brent Roberts
Kofi Kingston b. Jack Swagger – High Cross Body
Rey Mysterio/MVP b. Luke Gallows/CM Punk - Hurricanrana
Big Show b. Drew McIntyre – DQ – Jack Swagger Interference
Over the Limit
Kofi Kingston b. Drew McIntyre – SOS
R-Truth b. Ted DiBiase – Spinning Forearm Smash
Rey Mysterio b. CM Punk – Crucifix Rollup
Hart Dynasty b. Chris Jericho/The Miz – Hart Attack
Randy Orton vs. Edge went to a double countout
Big Show b. Jack Swagger – DQ – Swagger uses championship belt
Eve Torres b. Maryse – Faceplant into a rollup
John Cena b. Batista – Threat of an FU off a car