klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
This is a new thing we're doing where we have the week in review. Now for those of you that have read my reviews before, you know how I am. This isn't going to be a traditional review style per se, but to an extent it will be. For instance, I'll still be cracking jokes and throwing in one liners, but I won't be grading matches or anything like that.
This is more of a resource and it's something that I'll be doing on a weekly basis for the foreseeable future. This is a bit late but we didn't have this section up yet. I'll be the only person able to make threads here as this is my official job. That being said, let's get to it.
As will be usual, if you would like to see the results of the week, just scroll down to the bottom of the thread. I'll be going into detail before that but there are full results from Raw, Smackdown, NXT and Impact at the bottom. PPVs will be there as well when applicable. These will go up every Sunday although weeks with PPVs may be slightly delayed due to me being able to find a copy of the show. Let's get to it.
While not really in the week, the biggest story over the weekend was the death of Chris Kanyon, apparently due to a suicide caused by an overdose of pills. Kanyon was I believe bi-polar. While I was never a big fan of his work, it is sad that someone was driven to that point. Sorry to hear about this.
Monday
Impact
Date: April 5, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz
Title: Advantage: Team Flair
So tonight, the main match is a ladder match with Anderson vs. Angle for the advantage in the cage match. Russo is definitely booking this thing.
Impact opens with the Beautiful People and an announcement of a Feast or Fired-type match later in the night.
Team Hogan joins us and says they’ll be ready for Team Flair. Flair comes out with Sting, Wolfe and Beer Money so apparently that’s your team. Hogan challenges them to a fight and here comes Sting. Jarrett demands to know why Sting has turned to the dark side. After Jarrett gets beaten down, RVD and Hardy make the save. Also of note: Jarrett demanded and explanation for Sting turning “to the dark side” and Sting wouldn’t answer.
Rob Van Dam vs. James Storm
We come back from break with RVD vs. James Storm. It’s a basic match with Storm using Orton’s elevated DDT but Van Dam wins with a split legged moonsault. Think Starship Pain without the twisting. Post match, Storm breaks a beer bottle over Van Dam’s head.
After a commercial, Jeff Hardy and Robert Roode run out and Roode leaves Hardy laying.
The face Knockouts, in this case Angelina, Tara, ODB and Hamada say it’s every girl for themselves.
Global Title: Rob Terry vs. Homicide
Taz has dubbed Terry The Freak. Ok then. I wonder if he sleeps with Scott Steiner. It’s a glorified squash for Terry here and Terry wins with a running powerslam. Oh and he’s officially The Freak. Got it. The Goldberg-esque push continues.
Post match Homicide pops him with two chair shots. It does nothing although we get some blood. And here’s Orland Jordan to do his freak thing again. Oh that’s gimmick infringement now. Ignore that line. He sprays creamy stuff on his chest and takes off a mask he was wearing. Good to know.
The Beautiful People stretch. Ok then.
Lock Box Showdown Elimination
Ok so in this, there are four boxes. One has a contract with anyone, one has Tara’s spider, one has the Knockout’s Title, and one has a ruling that you have to strip to your bra and panties. It’s elimination also. The teams are the Beautiful People and Daffney vs. Tara, ODB, Hamada and Angelina Love. Let’s get this over with.
So does the winning team get all four boxes? Ok once a pin occurs both people are gone and the person getting the win gets the key to a box. Something tells me the explanation of the rules will take longer than the match itself. Tara eliminates Madison. Daffney runs in with Angelina and we go to commercial. I guess this is a ratings ploy? During the break there was an elimination. Daffney beats Hamada.
Sure why not? Why do I have a feeling this is going to be the longest match of the night? Skye pins ODB with a DDT, leaving us with Lacey vs. Angelina. Angelina wins with a Downward Spiral. We don’t get to see who wins what now. We have to wait until later.
The ladder match is next.
Kurt Angle vs. Mr. Anderson
It’s a ladder match where the winner gets the key to the cage for their match at Lockdown. The match starts at a few minutes until 9 so it’s obvious what they’re going for ratings wise. Tenay promises we’ll see the match in its entirety. Back from commercial: Anderson jumped Angle during the break. Oh but the match hadn’t started yet. Got it. Another commercial after about 8 seconds of action. Oh ok there’s the bell. Yeah that’s cheap.
The key says Cage Key. Good to know how obvious they have to keep it. Angle hits the belly to belly onto the ladder. That was nice. Angle almost gets to the key but takes a VERY nasty bump to the floor where he hits the ropes on the way down and then crashes to the floor. That…might have been legit. Apparently not as he hits a missile dropkick to make the save.
Why do people in ladder matches walk so damn slow? Angle actually hits the moonsault onto the ladder. Has he ever done that before? In a unique moment, Angle starts climbing but Anderson grabs the straps and uses it to choke him out. Angle nearly gets there but falls due to lack of air, allowing Anderson to win. Anderson says he knew he would win.
Hulk Hogan says he won’t talk about the issues with him and Eric. Here’s Bubba the Love Sponge. What kind of a name is that anyway? Hogan warns Bubba that he’s going to get in trouble hanging with the band. Jay Lethal comes up and says nothing important. The Band arrives.
Matt Morgan says he is the tag team champions. Ok then. Oh and it was an unfortunate accident last week. Got it.
Motor City Machine Guns vs. Team 3D
The winners are the number one contenders after they did this last week on the web show and it ended in a double pin. We can’t just have the MCMG get the title shot they earned right? The fans want tables. I know a good furniture store if they need one. And the Band runs in and beats everyone up. Great. A big beatdown follows.
Back from commercial, the Band says they’re running the show. Hogan needs to worry about them apparently.
Pope, still in his mask, says he’ll win at the PPV but tonight he’s got Wolfe. Yeah that’s not old at all. Remember him? He’s the number 1 contender. Wolfe shows up and wants the title shot vs. AJ. Pope says if Wolfe wins, he gets the title shot.
Tara is nervous about the boxes.
Here’s Doug Williams to talk. He runs down the X Division being high flying etc. He has bad teeth. He wants to be called Douglas.
Generation Me vs. Doug Williams
This is a gauntlet match so it’s a singles match and then another. Williams wins with basic moves. Way to make Gen Me look good guys. Shannon Moore, the not-number 1 contender, runs in to beat up Williams.
Back from commercial, Team 3D is pissed off over the Band jumping them. Next week they want the Band. They’re right: that is a big match that has never happened.
Desmond Wolfe vs. D’Angelo Dinero
Wolfe doesn’t get an entrance. Wait…the boxes really are going to close the show? REALLY? Well this should be a most original match. It hasn’t happened in all of a week so it must be original right? Wolfe hits a Codebreaker to win. That’s a far better move for him. This was about 2 minutes long.
Post match AJ jumps Dinero. Hey they’re actually interacting! And there’s Abyss to prevent that. Tenay is literally cut off in mid-sentence by a commercial. That’s just amusing.
Time to open the boxes. Yes this is how they’re ending the show.
Velvet Skye wins the open contract.
Tara wins Poison, meaning she lost the title.
Daffney wins the right to strip
Angelina wins the Knockouts Title
Daffney starts to strip but Lacey comes out and beats up Daffney so she can strip. Angelina and Tara fight over the belt. Skye says next week it’s a leather and lace match for the title. Well at least it’s over.
Results
RVD b. James Storm – split legged moonsault.
Rob Terry b. Homicide – running powerslam.
Mr. Anderson b. Kurt Angle to win the key for their cage match
Team 3D vs. MCMG went to a no contest – Band interferes.
Doug Williams b. Generation Me in a gauntlet match – Chaos Theory, Guillotine Choke
D’Angelo Dinero b. Desmond Wolfe – Double knee to the face
Velvet Skye gets an open contract with anyone she wants.
Tara gets her spider back
Daffney gets to strip
Angelina gets the Knockouts Title
Next Week: Band vs. Team 3D, Velvet Skye vs. Angelina Love for the Knockouts Title!
Monday Night Raw
Date: April 5, 2010
Location: iWireless Center, Moline, Illinois
Guest Host: David Otunga
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
We immediately open with the NEW World Heavyweight Champion, Jack Swagger, who is rocking a suit. We get a recap of how he won the title, which is good for people that didn’t get to see the show like me. I love how the Brand Split just goes out the window around this time. He gives another State of the World Heavyweight Championship Address. I like that.
Apparently he could have beaten Cena faster than Jericho. This of course brings out Cena. He says that Swagger isn’t as great as he thinks he is and calls him a weasel. That made me laugh. The word unification is mentioned. That needs to happen. And here’s Randy Orton. Orton wants a match with Swagger because he pinned him last week. That’s a great point. And here are Miz and Big Show. They say it’s about them, not the guys in the ring.
And here’s David Otunga, the NXT rookie that is hosting tonight. I smell a tag match. And so far I’m wrong as it’s Swagger vs. Orton tonight. And it’s Batista and Cena vs. ShowMiz. Please….don’t do it. Orton goes after Cena but hits an RKO on Swagger instead.
Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus
This is a major upgrade for one and a downgrade for the other. You figure out which is which. Well at least it’s a competitive match and not a squash. And as I type that two pump kicks hit in a row. The Razor’s Edge ends it. At the same time, Scott Hall was hitting one of the MCMG with it. Most interesting.
HHH is on his way to the ring while Sheamus is still there.
Back from commercial, Sheamus says he was supposed to beat HHH at Mania. It’s his destiny and all that jazz. He gets a shot in at Shawn to make him very heel. Here’s HHH who takes off the jacket. HHH gets the sledge, but Sheamus runs after a brief scuffle. HHH looked awesome here.
Next up is a Divas Dress to Impress battle royal where the winner gets a title shot next week.
Divas Battle Royal
They’re dressed nicely here so if nothing else the looks should be good. Maryse is on commentary and runs down their dresses. Does it matter what order they go out in? You can go through the ropes here. Final two are Eve and Jillian Hall. Eve of course wins.
We get a video of Otunga. We need these to get the characters to make sense.
Santino interrupts Otunga and Horny is stealing the M and Ms. His posse chases him off. Oh dear.
Mania is STILL coming to Atlanta.
Unified Tag Titles: Big Show/Miz vs. John Cena/Batista
I hope the switch doesn’t happen. I really don’t. After a short match, Batista leaves and Cena goes after him for the double count out. Thank goodness. BUT WAIT! Otunga comes out and says the match continues with Otunga as Cena’s partner. Oh it continues later. Ok then.
Ted DiBiase comes out with the Million Dollar Belt. About time. He talks about his father giving him a big bank account. And he’s fighting Christian. Ok then.
Christian vs. Ted DiBiase
After a decent match, DiBiase hits Dream Street and gets the clean win. Biggest of his career? Yeah I’d say so. Quite good TV match here I thought.
We get a video package of Shawn retiring. Great moment to say the least. That hat tipping from Taker might be the coolest moment of his career.
Shawn really is gone. That hasn’t sunk in yet.
Jack Swagger vs. Randy Orton
How awesome do those names sound? We have a commercial with Swagger in control. Orton is so much better as a face. He actually moves around a bit. Orton hits the elevated DDT. That move is just awesome. After a VERY good match, Orton counters the gutwrench powerbomb and hits the RKO to a great pop for the pin.
Recap of 45 minutes ago. Really guys?
David Hasselhoff is guest hosting next week.
Unified Tag Titles: Miz/Big Show vs. John Cena/David Otunga
I have a bad feeling about this one also. Cena and Miz start, just like earlier. Cena is likely going to work the majority of the match which is the smart thing to do. The crowd is WAY behind Cena to say the least. Yeah Cena is in there for by far and away the majority of the match and both he and Miz go down.
Cena goes for the tag and Otunga hits the floor. The Big Show hits the punch and it’s over. Batista comes out and hits the Batista Bomb. Before he can talk, Otunga says that Batista has an announcement to make. Thank you for that totally useless moment. Batista is using his rematch at Extreme Rules in a Last Man Standing match. Sweet. End of show.
Tuesday
Raw Rating: 3.2
Impact Rating: .9
NXT
Date: April 6, 2010
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews
The show opens with the theme song that is growing on me actually. The first rookie is kicked off in 5 weeks. Wow that’s a long time. We throw it to Striker up on the stage who brings out the rookies in the order in which they are ranked from last to first. Gabriel gets a nice pop. Otunga talks about why he bailed on Cena last night, saying that he did what he did to appease Miz, who will vote for him to get a title shot in the future. So he traded a title for a title shot. Got it.
Striker goes to Daniel Bryan who they ask if he deserves to be #1. He runs down Miz, Otunga and Cole in a somewhat funny bit. Cole better get beaten up in the future.
Tarver, in ANOTHER t-shirt, is asked if Bryan should be in first place. He says no and that Bryan should be a target because he’s in Tarver’s way. Tarver says he’s dangerous. That’s true. Having that much suck can indeed be dangerous to others.
Striker says there will be weekly challenges coming. The first involves a keg that weighs over 160 pounds. This actually makes sense to show off some physical attributes. But damn this could take some times.
Bryan goes first and gets a time of 24.9 seconds.
Barrett goes second and gets a time of 14.7. Ok then. Cole bashes Bryan for having a bad time.
Gabriel is third and has a time of 13.6 but it should have been about 13 flat as they let the clock run too far.
Slater is 4th as they’re going from 1-8. Slater freaking flies and gets 12 flat to take the lead.
Otunga is 5th and stumbles a bit to start. He gets 14.1 to come in 3rd so far.
Sheffield is 6th and throws it on his shoulder to sprint around the ring. That’s a bit smart. He gets across the line at 11.8 but they let it go for awhile to get it to 12.4. Wow Slater is still winning.
Tarver drops it just as he starts so he’s disqualified. Good.
Finally is Young and gets a 13.6.
The results:
1st Slater
2nd Sheffield
3rd Gabriel (Tied)
3rd Young (Tied)
5th Otunga
6th Barrett
7th Bryan
8th Tarver
Slater wins a match with Kane. Damn I like both guys.
Raw Rebound. Scroll up if you want to know what happened.
Skip Sheffield says that he should have won and it was rigged. This came off as a very heel promo. Yeah he says he’s done being a nice guy. That’s good as the happy cowboy was failing.
Bryan vs. Young is next.
Daniel Bryan vs. David Young
Bryan – 0-6 1st place
Young – 3-1 8th place
Neither guy gets music. Good to see the first match in an hour long show starting half an hour in. Bryan hits a nice running knee from the apron to the floor. He buts out Cattle Mutilation and the IWC explodes. Cole ripping on him is a good bit annoying. This is really just a way to showcase Bryan…and he gets pinned in a simple rollup. Ok then. That makes Bryan 0-7 and Young 4-2. Only in pro wrestling would that make one guy 1st and the other last.
Justin Gabriel vs. Michael Tarver
Gabriel – 3-2 3rd place
Tarver – 0-4 7th place
Before the match we get a promo from Gabriel talking about his father who taught him to work hard. Those are good things as they personalize the characters a bit. This whole knockout fighter gimmick would get a lot better if he actually knocked someone out. Gabriel shows off some nice strikes and kicks. After about 4 minutes, the 450 gets the win for Gabriel. He’s 4-2 and Tarver is 0-5.
David Otunga vs. Wade Barrett
Otunga – 4-1 5th place
Barrett – 3-3 2nd place
Heel vs. heel. Ok then. This is a clash of styles if I’ve ever seen one. The fans aren’t sure who to cheer for here. Striker and Cole are having too much fun and it’s annoying. Otunga gets a small package for two. Barrett hits his finisher which is just throwing the guy forward out of a fireman’s carry for the pin to get to 4-3 while Otunga is 4-2.
Heath Slater vs. Kane
Slater – 4-1 4th place
This is about what you would expect as Slater works hard but in the end, he’s fighting a former world champion that is far bigger and stronger than he is. He does manage to stay in it for a few minutes but the sweet clothesline from the top and the chokeslam ends this as well as the show. Slater is now 4-2.
Results
Heath Slater wins a Barrel Run
Darren Young b. Daniel Bryan – Rollup
Justin Gabriel b. Michael Tarver – 450 Splash
Wade Barrett b. David Otunga – Fireman’s Carry Front Slam
Kane b. Heath Slater - Chokeslam
Wednesday
According to Dixie Carter’s Twitter, Impact officially moves to 8PM I believe this coming Monday with replays airing on Thursdays in their old spots.
Thursday
Not a lot happened. Nothing of note at least.
Friday
Smackdown
Date: April 9, 2010
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Matt Striker
We open with a recap of Edge vs. Jericho and the Swagger cashing in. I still love that.
Do you really want to cross the line?
Swagger comes out and we hear that it’s Edge vs. Jericho tonight with the winner getting the title shot at Extreme Rules. I’ll save you my prediction as it turns out I was right. The belt looks awesome on him. It truly does. He talks about how he’s a natural. Does this mean he’s going to paint himself gold in a few years? He runs down Shawn to great heat.
And here’s John Morrison. Sure why not let him feud with the champion after losing…everything. Morrison hands his glasses to a fan. Little things like that are what make people into bigger stars. Apparently Swagger vs. Morrison is tonight. Good line from Morrison: being a title holder does not make you a champion. We see clips from Raw where Orton beats Swagger. Still not sure what they were thinking there.
Morrison talks about the lisp. Not sure what the point in being comedic about a guy like Swagger is but whatever. Swagger runs him down. Morrison talks about the lisp again. Swagger charges and goes to the floor. The match is next.
Jack Swagger vs. John Morrison
We’re joined in progress here with Morrison in control. That doesn’t last long as we get a canned Morrison chant. Swagger starts bleeding and we come to a TOTAL HALT to check on him. Ok, on Raw or a PPV I can understand that, but on a taped show, EDIT IT OUT! Swagger gets a nice move where he scoops up Morrison and turns him over into a spinning powerslam. That was nice.
Swagger stops a brief comeback with the Angle run up the turnbuckle belly to belly. I love that move. The nickname of abdominal superstar is stupid. We go back and forth a bit but I think they either botched or innovated a counter of the gutwrench powerbomb. Either way it worked.
Starship Pain misses. The fans might be behind Swagger. I’m not sure though. And we go back into the ring and Swagger gets the clean pin with the powerbomb. THAT is what he needs: clean wins over credible opponents.
Darren Young gets converted tonight!
We’re back from commercial with Jericho and Barrett talking about how he should still be champion. Swagger shows up and says he’s champion now. Jericho shows FAR more personality than he used to. Simple yet effective.
Shad comes out to his old theme music after turning heel last week. We’ll ignore the JTG reference in the opening of the song. Leave it to WWE to split up one of the like 2 legit tag teams they had left. His hair is cut now. We recap the beatdown last week. He cuts a fairly generic “it’s my time” promo. Yeah I don’t care either. JTG comes out and Shad runs. And there’s a boot to the face. Yeah because you know everyone is just drooling over this feud.
Back from commercial we get the full Drew McIntyre entrance video which is awesome to say the least.
Drew McIntyre vs. Matt Hardy
Drew has a very large Adam’s Apple. We get a clip from last week where he beat up Hardy before their match got started. Drew says he’s not going to waste his breath on us. GREAT line. Matt gets a roar. Ok then. See what’s happening here. Back to back matches with MITB people in it. That match is similar to the Rumble where you can grow feuds and programs out of it. This is more of a fight than anything else to start.
Sweet damn Striker can be annoying. Both guys go to the floor and we take a break. Apparently Matt blames Drew for not winning the MITB. I would blame Matt having the match won and never trying to grab the case but that’s just me. Hardy goes into his normal offensive sequences and nothing comes of it. McIntyre hits his DDT on the floor and Matt is more or less dead. Easy pin follows.
Darren Young is happy for no apparent reason.
We get a recap from last week where Punk offers his hair for a match with Rey.
Back in real time Punk and company come out. Punk gets a pop of course. I want to punch Young very badly. They need to give Punk a big win so he can have some credibility. Serena talks about how much her life is better now. She sounds very nervous. Gallows says more or less the same thing. Punk is so great on the mic, but they desperately need to give him a win or many.
Punk takes credit for Young’s win on NXT. He’s got a point. Ok not really but I love Punk so there we go. The Jesus promos are great. Young almost does it but changes his mind. Punk gets shoves and Gallows nearly kills him. And here’s Rey for the save because we need to have the children’s hero to stop a cool angle from going on right? Rey accepts the challenge for Extreme Rules. He hypes up the 619 which is just idiotic but whatever. He sells t-shirts right?
Caylen Croft/Trent Baretta vs. Hart Dynasty
So we traded in Cryme Tyme for these guys? Seriously, can we please keep some teams together? Oh and the heels are the Dudebusters now. The Dudebusters are moderately funny but I could see them getting very old very fast. Croft and Kidd start us off. Smith is referenced as the Baby Bull. I don’t think he’s Vader for some reason. The Hart Attack is interrupted. He hooks a Sharpshooter for the tap out. Didn’t see that one coming.
Dolph Ziggler is here. He puts Matthews in a sleeper. Ok then. How many pushes is this guy going to get? Can we get some help for the guy that got choked out and left laying there in more or less a physical assault?
We recap Raw. Good to know.
Edge and Swagger talk. I didn’t realize Swagger was that tall. We get it: he has a lisp. Let it go. This is getting stupid.
Chris Jericho vs. Edge
Chimmel’s voice cracked on saying Edge I think. That was amusing. The announcers talk about Edge winning at Mania 22. They don’t mention it being over Foley. Edge throws him to the floor and we’re already on a commercial. Jericho’s ribs are still taped up. Jericho takes over and we’re just killing time before the inevitable finish. This is just kind of meandering along. Jericho gets the Walls to a big pop.
And of course he gets the ropes because we can’t have a clean finish right? Codebreaker hits but Edge falls to the floor. Jericho, like an idiot, goes to the floor after him. Edge hits the Impaler and we need to get that as his finisher again. He sets for the spear, which in this case actually makes sense due to Jericho’s ribs. It misses and Jericho hits the floor. Edge hits Jericho. Jericho hits the barricade. Damn that’s a lot of violence.
They fight into the crowd and of course it’s a double countout. Yep, it’s a triple threat. I’m stunned too. I love how they try to make a month or so long partnership seem like they were together for twenty years. Jericho takes a spear to end the show.
Results
Jack Swagger b. John Morrison – Gutwrench Powerbomb
Drew McIntyre b. Matt Hardy – Futureshock DDT
Hart Dynasty b. Dudebusters - Sharpshooter
Chris Jericho vs. Edge went to a no contest – Double Countout
Saturday
Nothing of note happened again. Boring weekend.
Sunday
At a house show in Scotland, Ezekiel Jackson might have torn his quad, which would put him out until nearly the end of the year if true.
Quick Results
Impact
RVD b. James Storm – split legged moonsault.
Rob Terry b. Homicide – running powerslam.
Mr. Anderson b. Kurt Angle to win the key for their cage match
Team 3D vs. MCMG went to a no contest – Band interferes.
Doug Williams b. Generation Me in a gauntlet match – Chaos Theory, Guillotine Choke
D’Angelo Dinero b. Desmond Wolfe – Double knee to the face
Velvet Skye gets an open contract with anyone she wants.
Tara gets her spider back
Daffney gets to strip
Angelina gets the Knockouts Title
Raw
Sheamus b. Kofi Kington – Celtic Cross
Eve wins a Divas Battle Royal – Jillian Hall last out
Miz and Big Show b. John Cena and Batista – Count Out
Ted DiBiase b. Christian – Dream Street
Randy Orton b. Jack Swagger – RKO
Miz and Big Show b. John Cena and David Otunga – Knockout Punch
NXT
Heath Slater wins a Barrel Run
Darren Young b. Daniel Bryan – Rollup
Justin Gabriel b. Michael Tarver – 450 Splash
Wade Barrett b. David Otunga – Fireman’s Carry Front Slam
Kane b. Heath Slater - Chokeslam
Smackdown
Jack Swagger b. John Morrison – Gutwrench Powerbomb
Drew McIntyre b. Matt Hardy – Futureshock DDT
Hart Dynasty b. Dudebusters - Sharpshooter
Chris Jericho vs. Edge went to a no contest – Double Countout
This is more of a resource and it's something that I'll be doing on a weekly basis for the foreseeable future. This is a bit late but we didn't have this section up yet. I'll be the only person able to make threads here as this is my official job. That being said, let's get to it.
As will be usual, if you would like to see the results of the week, just scroll down to the bottom of the thread. I'll be going into detail before that but there are full results from Raw, Smackdown, NXT and Impact at the bottom. PPVs will be there as well when applicable. These will go up every Sunday although weeks with PPVs may be slightly delayed due to me being able to find a copy of the show. Let's get to it.
While not really in the week, the biggest story over the weekend was the death of Chris Kanyon, apparently due to a suicide caused by an overdose of pills. Kanyon was I believe bi-polar. While I was never a big fan of his work, it is sad that someone was driven to that point. Sorry to hear about this.
Monday
Impact
Date: April 5, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz
Title: Advantage: Team Flair
So tonight, the main match is a ladder match with Anderson vs. Angle for the advantage in the cage match. Russo is definitely booking this thing.
Impact opens with the Beautiful People and an announcement of a Feast or Fired-type match later in the night.
Team Hogan joins us and says they’ll be ready for Team Flair. Flair comes out with Sting, Wolfe and Beer Money so apparently that’s your team. Hogan challenges them to a fight and here comes Sting. Jarrett demands to know why Sting has turned to the dark side. After Jarrett gets beaten down, RVD and Hardy make the save. Also of note: Jarrett demanded and explanation for Sting turning “to the dark side” and Sting wouldn’t answer.
Rob Van Dam vs. James Storm
We come back from break with RVD vs. James Storm. It’s a basic match with Storm using Orton’s elevated DDT but Van Dam wins with a split legged moonsault. Think Starship Pain without the twisting. Post match, Storm breaks a beer bottle over Van Dam’s head.
After a commercial, Jeff Hardy and Robert Roode run out and Roode leaves Hardy laying.
The face Knockouts, in this case Angelina, Tara, ODB and Hamada say it’s every girl for themselves.
Global Title: Rob Terry vs. Homicide
Taz has dubbed Terry The Freak. Ok then. I wonder if he sleeps with Scott Steiner. It’s a glorified squash for Terry here and Terry wins with a running powerslam. Oh and he’s officially The Freak. Got it. The Goldberg-esque push continues.
Post match Homicide pops him with two chair shots. It does nothing although we get some blood. And here’s Orland Jordan to do his freak thing again. Oh that’s gimmick infringement now. Ignore that line. He sprays creamy stuff on his chest and takes off a mask he was wearing. Good to know.
The Beautiful People stretch. Ok then.
Lock Box Showdown Elimination
Ok so in this, there are four boxes. One has a contract with anyone, one has Tara’s spider, one has the Knockout’s Title, and one has a ruling that you have to strip to your bra and panties. It’s elimination also. The teams are the Beautiful People and Daffney vs. Tara, ODB, Hamada and Angelina Love. Let’s get this over with.
So does the winning team get all four boxes? Ok once a pin occurs both people are gone and the person getting the win gets the key to a box. Something tells me the explanation of the rules will take longer than the match itself. Tara eliminates Madison. Daffney runs in with Angelina and we go to commercial. I guess this is a ratings ploy? During the break there was an elimination. Daffney beats Hamada.
Sure why not? Why do I have a feeling this is going to be the longest match of the night? Skye pins ODB with a DDT, leaving us with Lacey vs. Angelina. Angelina wins with a Downward Spiral. We don’t get to see who wins what now. We have to wait until later.
The ladder match is next.
Kurt Angle vs. Mr. Anderson
It’s a ladder match where the winner gets the key to the cage for their match at Lockdown. The match starts at a few minutes until 9 so it’s obvious what they’re going for ratings wise. Tenay promises we’ll see the match in its entirety. Back from commercial: Anderson jumped Angle during the break. Oh but the match hadn’t started yet. Got it. Another commercial after about 8 seconds of action. Oh ok there’s the bell. Yeah that’s cheap.
The key says Cage Key. Good to know how obvious they have to keep it. Angle hits the belly to belly onto the ladder. That was nice. Angle almost gets to the key but takes a VERY nasty bump to the floor where he hits the ropes on the way down and then crashes to the floor. That…might have been legit. Apparently not as he hits a missile dropkick to make the save.
Why do people in ladder matches walk so damn slow? Angle actually hits the moonsault onto the ladder. Has he ever done that before? In a unique moment, Angle starts climbing but Anderson grabs the straps and uses it to choke him out. Angle nearly gets there but falls due to lack of air, allowing Anderson to win. Anderson says he knew he would win.
Hulk Hogan says he won’t talk about the issues with him and Eric. Here’s Bubba the Love Sponge. What kind of a name is that anyway? Hogan warns Bubba that he’s going to get in trouble hanging with the band. Jay Lethal comes up and says nothing important. The Band arrives.
Matt Morgan says he is the tag team champions. Ok then. Oh and it was an unfortunate accident last week. Got it.
Motor City Machine Guns vs. Team 3D
The winners are the number one contenders after they did this last week on the web show and it ended in a double pin. We can’t just have the MCMG get the title shot they earned right? The fans want tables. I know a good furniture store if they need one. And the Band runs in and beats everyone up. Great. A big beatdown follows.
Back from commercial, the Band says they’re running the show. Hogan needs to worry about them apparently.
Pope, still in his mask, says he’ll win at the PPV but tonight he’s got Wolfe. Yeah that’s not old at all. Remember him? He’s the number 1 contender. Wolfe shows up and wants the title shot vs. AJ. Pope says if Wolfe wins, he gets the title shot.
Tara is nervous about the boxes.
Here’s Doug Williams to talk. He runs down the X Division being high flying etc. He has bad teeth. He wants to be called Douglas.
Generation Me vs. Doug Williams
This is a gauntlet match so it’s a singles match and then another. Williams wins with basic moves. Way to make Gen Me look good guys. Shannon Moore, the not-number 1 contender, runs in to beat up Williams.
Back from commercial, Team 3D is pissed off over the Band jumping them. Next week they want the Band. They’re right: that is a big match that has never happened.
Desmond Wolfe vs. D’Angelo Dinero
Wolfe doesn’t get an entrance. Wait…the boxes really are going to close the show? REALLY? Well this should be a most original match. It hasn’t happened in all of a week so it must be original right? Wolfe hits a Codebreaker to win. That’s a far better move for him. This was about 2 minutes long.
Post match AJ jumps Dinero. Hey they’re actually interacting! And there’s Abyss to prevent that. Tenay is literally cut off in mid-sentence by a commercial. That’s just amusing.
Time to open the boxes. Yes this is how they’re ending the show.
Velvet Skye wins the open contract.
Tara wins Poison, meaning she lost the title.
Daffney wins the right to strip
Angelina wins the Knockouts Title
Daffney starts to strip but Lacey comes out and beats up Daffney so she can strip. Angelina and Tara fight over the belt. Skye says next week it’s a leather and lace match for the title. Well at least it’s over.
Results
RVD b. James Storm – split legged moonsault.
Rob Terry b. Homicide – running powerslam.
Mr. Anderson b. Kurt Angle to win the key for their cage match
Team 3D vs. MCMG went to a no contest – Band interferes.
Doug Williams b. Generation Me in a gauntlet match – Chaos Theory, Guillotine Choke
D’Angelo Dinero b. Desmond Wolfe – Double knee to the face
Velvet Skye gets an open contract with anyone she wants.
Tara gets her spider back
Daffney gets to strip
Angelina gets the Knockouts Title
Next Week: Band vs. Team 3D, Velvet Skye vs. Angelina Love for the Knockouts Title!
Monday Night Raw
Date: April 5, 2010
Location: iWireless Center, Moline, Illinois
Guest Host: David Otunga
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
We immediately open with the NEW World Heavyweight Champion, Jack Swagger, who is rocking a suit. We get a recap of how he won the title, which is good for people that didn’t get to see the show like me. I love how the Brand Split just goes out the window around this time. He gives another State of the World Heavyweight Championship Address. I like that.
Apparently he could have beaten Cena faster than Jericho. This of course brings out Cena. He says that Swagger isn’t as great as he thinks he is and calls him a weasel. That made me laugh. The word unification is mentioned. That needs to happen. And here’s Randy Orton. Orton wants a match with Swagger because he pinned him last week. That’s a great point. And here are Miz and Big Show. They say it’s about them, not the guys in the ring.
And here’s David Otunga, the NXT rookie that is hosting tonight. I smell a tag match. And so far I’m wrong as it’s Swagger vs. Orton tonight. And it’s Batista and Cena vs. ShowMiz. Please….don’t do it. Orton goes after Cena but hits an RKO on Swagger instead.
Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus
This is a major upgrade for one and a downgrade for the other. You figure out which is which. Well at least it’s a competitive match and not a squash. And as I type that two pump kicks hit in a row. The Razor’s Edge ends it. At the same time, Scott Hall was hitting one of the MCMG with it. Most interesting.
HHH is on his way to the ring while Sheamus is still there.
Back from commercial, Sheamus says he was supposed to beat HHH at Mania. It’s his destiny and all that jazz. He gets a shot in at Shawn to make him very heel. Here’s HHH who takes off the jacket. HHH gets the sledge, but Sheamus runs after a brief scuffle. HHH looked awesome here.
Next up is a Divas Dress to Impress battle royal where the winner gets a title shot next week.
Divas Battle Royal
They’re dressed nicely here so if nothing else the looks should be good. Maryse is on commentary and runs down their dresses. Does it matter what order they go out in? You can go through the ropes here. Final two are Eve and Jillian Hall. Eve of course wins.
We get a video of Otunga. We need these to get the characters to make sense.
Santino interrupts Otunga and Horny is stealing the M and Ms. His posse chases him off. Oh dear.
Mania is STILL coming to Atlanta.
Unified Tag Titles: Big Show/Miz vs. John Cena/Batista
I hope the switch doesn’t happen. I really don’t. After a short match, Batista leaves and Cena goes after him for the double count out. Thank goodness. BUT WAIT! Otunga comes out and says the match continues with Otunga as Cena’s partner. Oh it continues later. Ok then.
Ted DiBiase comes out with the Million Dollar Belt. About time. He talks about his father giving him a big bank account. And he’s fighting Christian. Ok then.
Christian vs. Ted DiBiase
After a decent match, DiBiase hits Dream Street and gets the clean win. Biggest of his career? Yeah I’d say so. Quite good TV match here I thought.
We get a video package of Shawn retiring. Great moment to say the least. That hat tipping from Taker might be the coolest moment of his career.
Shawn really is gone. That hasn’t sunk in yet.
Jack Swagger vs. Randy Orton
How awesome do those names sound? We have a commercial with Swagger in control. Orton is so much better as a face. He actually moves around a bit. Orton hits the elevated DDT. That move is just awesome. After a VERY good match, Orton counters the gutwrench powerbomb and hits the RKO to a great pop for the pin.
Recap of 45 minutes ago. Really guys?
David Hasselhoff is guest hosting next week.
Unified Tag Titles: Miz/Big Show vs. John Cena/David Otunga
I have a bad feeling about this one also. Cena and Miz start, just like earlier. Cena is likely going to work the majority of the match which is the smart thing to do. The crowd is WAY behind Cena to say the least. Yeah Cena is in there for by far and away the majority of the match and both he and Miz go down.
Cena goes for the tag and Otunga hits the floor. The Big Show hits the punch and it’s over. Batista comes out and hits the Batista Bomb. Before he can talk, Otunga says that Batista has an announcement to make. Thank you for that totally useless moment. Batista is using his rematch at Extreme Rules in a Last Man Standing match. Sweet. End of show.
Tuesday
Raw Rating: 3.2
Impact Rating: .9
NXT
Date: April 6, 2010
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews
The show opens with the theme song that is growing on me actually. The first rookie is kicked off in 5 weeks. Wow that’s a long time. We throw it to Striker up on the stage who brings out the rookies in the order in which they are ranked from last to first. Gabriel gets a nice pop. Otunga talks about why he bailed on Cena last night, saying that he did what he did to appease Miz, who will vote for him to get a title shot in the future. So he traded a title for a title shot. Got it.
Striker goes to Daniel Bryan who they ask if he deserves to be #1. He runs down Miz, Otunga and Cole in a somewhat funny bit. Cole better get beaten up in the future.
Tarver, in ANOTHER t-shirt, is asked if Bryan should be in first place. He says no and that Bryan should be a target because he’s in Tarver’s way. Tarver says he’s dangerous. That’s true. Having that much suck can indeed be dangerous to others.
Striker says there will be weekly challenges coming. The first involves a keg that weighs over 160 pounds. This actually makes sense to show off some physical attributes. But damn this could take some times.
Bryan goes first and gets a time of 24.9 seconds.
Barrett goes second and gets a time of 14.7. Ok then. Cole bashes Bryan for having a bad time.
Gabriel is third and has a time of 13.6 but it should have been about 13 flat as they let the clock run too far.
Slater is 4th as they’re going from 1-8. Slater freaking flies and gets 12 flat to take the lead.
Otunga is 5th and stumbles a bit to start. He gets 14.1 to come in 3rd so far.
Sheffield is 6th and throws it on his shoulder to sprint around the ring. That’s a bit smart. He gets across the line at 11.8 but they let it go for awhile to get it to 12.4. Wow Slater is still winning.
Tarver drops it just as he starts so he’s disqualified. Good.
Finally is Young and gets a 13.6.
The results:
1st Slater
2nd Sheffield
3rd Gabriel (Tied)
3rd Young (Tied)
5th Otunga
6th Barrett
7th Bryan
8th Tarver
Slater wins a match with Kane. Damn I like both guys.
Raw Rebound. Scroll up if you want to know what happened.
Skip Sheffield says that he should have won and it was rigged. This came off as a very heel promo. Yeah he says he’s done being a nice guy. That’s good as the happy cowboy was failing.
Bryan vs. Young is next.
Daniel Bryan vs. David Young
Bryan – 0-6 1st place
Young – 3-1 8th place
Neither guy gets music. Good to see the first match in an hour long show starting half an hour in. Bryan hits a nice running knee from the apron to the floor. He buts out Cattle Mutilation and the IWC explodes. Cole ripping on him is a good bit annoying. This is really just a way to showcase Bryan…and he gets pinned in a simple rollup. Ok then. That makes Bryan 0-7 and Young 4-2. Only in pro wrestling would that make one guy 1st and the other last.
Justin Gabriel vs. Michael Tarver
Gabriel – 3-2 3rd place
Tarver – 0-4 7th place
Before the match we get a promo from Gabriel talking about his father who taught him to work hard. Those are good things as they personalize the characters a bit. This whole knockout fighter gimmick would get a lot better if he actually knocked someone out. Gabriel shows off some nice strikes and kicks. After about 4 minutes, the 450 gets the win for Gabriel. He’s 4-2 and Tarver is 0-5.
David Otunga vs. Wade Barrett
Otunga – 4-1 5th place
Barrett – 3-3 2nd place
Heel vs. heel. Ok then. This is a clash of styles if I’ve ever seen one. The fans aren’t sure who to cheer for here. Striker and Cole are having too much fun and it’s annoying. Otunga gets a small package for two. Barrett hits his finisher which is just throwing the guy forward out of a fireman’s carry for the pin to get to 4-3 while Otunga is 4-2.
Heath Slater vs. Kane
Slater – 4-1 4th place
This is about what you would expect as Slater works hard but in the end, he’s fighting a former world champion that is far bigger and stronger than he is. He does manage to stay in it for a few minutes but the sweet clothesline from the top and the chokeslam ends this as well as the show. Slater is now 4-2.
Results
Heath Slater wins a Barrel Run
Darren Young b. Daniel Bryan – Rollup
Justin Gabriel b. Michael Tarver – 450 Splash
Wade Barrett b. David Otunga – Fireman’s Carry Front Slam
Kane b. Heath Slater - Chokeslam
Wednesday
According to Dixie Carter’s Twitter, Impact officially moves to 8PM I believe this coming Monday with replays airing on Thursdays in their old spots.
Thursday
Not a lot happened. Nothing of note at least.
Friday
Smackdown
Date: April 9, 2010
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Matt Striker
We open with a recap of Edge vs. Jericho and the Swagger cashing in. I still love that.
Do you really want to cross the line?
Swagger comes out and we hear that it’s Edge vs. Jericho tonight with the winner getting the title shot at Extreme Rules. I’ll save you my prediction as it turns out I was right. The belt looks awesome on him. It truly does. He talks about how he’s a natural. Does this mean he’s going to paint himself gold in a few years? He runs down Shawn to great heat.
And here’s John Morrison. Sure why not let him feud with the champion after losing…everything. Morrison hands his glasses to a fan. Little things like that are what make people into bigger stars. Apparently Swagger vs. Morrison is tonight. Good line from Morrison: being a title holder does not make you a champion. We see clips from Raw where Orton beats Swagger. Still not sure what they were thinking there.
Morrison talks about the lisp. Not sure what the point in being comedic about a guy like Swagger is but whatever. Swagger runs him down. Morrison talks about the lisp again. Swagger charges and goes to the floor. The match is next.
Jack Swagger vs. John Morrison
We’re joined in progress here with Morrison in control. That doesn’t last long as we get a canned Morrison chant. Swagger starts bleeding and we come to a TOTAL HALT to check on him. Ok, on Raw or a PPV I can understand that, but on a taped show, EDIT IT OUT! Swagger gets a nice move where he scoops up Morrison and turns him over into a spinning powerslam. That was nice.
Swagger stops a brief comeback with the Angle run up the turnbuckle belly to belly. I love that move. The nickname of abdominal superstar is stupid. We go back and forth a bit but I think they either botched or innovated a counter of the gutwrench powerbomb. Either way it worked.
Starship Pain misses. The fans might be behind Swagger. I’m not sure though. And we go back into the ring and Swagger gets the clean pin with the powerbomb. THAT is what he needs: clean wins over credible opponents.
Darren Young gets converted tonight!
We’re back from commercial with Jericho and Barrett talking about how he should still be champion. Swagger shows up and says he’s champion now. Jericho shows FAR more personality than he used to. Simple yet effective.
Shad comes out to his old theme music after turning heel last week. We’ll ignore the JTG reference in the opening of the song. Leave it to WWE to split up one of the like 2 legit tag teams they had left. His hair is cut now. We recap the beatdown last week. He cuts a fairly generic “it’s my time” promo. Yeah I don’t care either. JTG comes out and Shad runs. And there’s a boot to the face. Yeah because you know everyone is just drooling over this feud.
Back from commercial we get the full Drew McIntyre entrance video which is awesome to say the least.
Drew McIntyre vs. Matt Hardy
Drew has a very large Adam’s Apple. We get a clip from last week where he beat up Hardy before their match got started. Drew says he’s not going to waste his breath on us. GREAT line. Matt gets a roar. Ok then. See what’s happening here. Back to back matches with MITB people in it. That match is similar to the Rumble where you can grow feuds and programs out of it. This is more of a fight than anything else to start.
Sweet damn Striker can be annoying. Both guys go to the floor and we take a break. Apparently Matt blames Drew for not winning the MITB. I would blame Matt having the match won and never trying to grab the case but that’s just me. Hardy goes into his normal offensive sequences and nothing comes of it. McIntyre hits his DDT on the floor and Matt is more or less dead. Easy pin follows.
Darren Young is happy for no apparent reason.
We get a recap from last week where Punk offers his hair for a match with Rey.
Back in real time Punk and company come out. Punk gets a pop of course. I want to punch Young very badly. They need to give Punk a big win so he can have some credibility. Serena talks about how much her life is better now. She sounds very nervous. Gallows says more or less the same thing. Punk is so great on the mic, but they desperately need to give him a win or many.
Punk takes credit for Young’s win on NXT. He’s got a point. Ok not really but I love Punk so there we go. The Jesus promos are great. Young almost does it but changes his mind. Punk gets shoves and Gallows nearly kills him. And here’s Rey for the save because we need to have the children’s hero to stop a cool angle from going on right? Rey accepts the challenge for Extreme Rules. He hypes up the 619 which is just idiotic but whatever. He sells t-shirts right?
Caylen Croft/Trent Baretta vs. Hart Dynasty
So we traded in Cryme Tyme for these guys? Seriously, can we please keep some teams together? Oh and the heels are the Dudebusters now. The Dudebusters are moderately funny but I could see them getting very old very fast. Croft and Kidd start us off. Smith is referenced as the Baby Bull. I don’t think he’s Vader for some reason. The Hart Attack is interrupted. He hooks a Sharpshooter for the tap out. Didn’t see that one coming.
Dolph Ziggler is here. He puts Matthews in a sleeper. Ok then. How many pushes is this guy going to get? Can we get some help for the guy that got choked out and left laying there in more or less a physical assault?
We recap Raw. Good to know.
Edge and Swagger talk. I didn’t realize Swagger was that tall. We get it: he has a lisp. Let it go. This is getting stupid.
Chris Jericho vs. Edge
Chimmel’s voice cracked on saying Edge I think. That was amusing. The announcers talk about Edge winning at Mania 22. They don’t mention it being over Foley. Edge throws him to the floor and we’re already on a commercial. Jericho’s ribs are still taped up. Jericho takes over and we’re just killing time before the inevitable finish. This is just kind of meandering along. Jericho gets the Walls to a big pop.
And of course he gets the ropes because we can’t have a clean finish right? Codebreaker hits but Edge falls to the floor. Jericho, like an idiot, goes to the floor after him. Edge hits the Impaler and we need to get that as his finisher again. He sets for the spear, which in this case actually makes sense due to Jericho’s ribs. It misses and Jericho hits the floor. Edge hits Jericho. Jericho hits the barricade. Damn that’s a lot of violence.
They fight into the crowd and of course it’s a double countout. Yep, it’s a triple threat. I’m stunned too. I love how they try to make a month or so long partnership seem like they were together for twenty years. Jericho takes a spear to end the show.
Results
Jack Swagger b. John Morrison – Gutwrench Powerbomb
Drew McIntyre b. Matt Hardy – Futureshock DDT
Hart Dynasty b. Dudebusters - Sharpshooter
Chris Jericho vs. Edge went to a no contest – Double Countout
Saturday
Nothing of note happened again. Boring weekend.
Sunday
At a house show in Scotland, Ezekiel Jackson might have torn his quad, which would put him out until nearly the end of the year if true.
Quick Results
Impact
RVD b. James Storm – split legged moonsault.
Rob Terry b. Homicide – running powerslam.
Mr. Anderson b. Kurt Angle to win the key for their cage match
Team 3D vs. MCMG went to a no contest – Band interferes.
Doug Williams b. Generation Me in a gauntlet match – Chaos Theory, Guillotine Choke
D’Angelo Dinero b. Desmond Wolfe – Double knee to the face
Velvet Skye gets an open contract with anyone she wants.
Tara gets her spider back
Daffney gets to strip
Angelina gets the Knockouts Title
Raw
Sheamus b. Kofi Kington – Celtic Cross
Eve wins a Divas Battle Royal – Jillian Hall last out
Miz and Big Show b. John Cena and Batista – Count Out
Ted DiBiase b. Christian – Dream Street
Randy Orton b. Jack Swagger – RKO
Miz and Big Show b. John Cena and David Otunga – Knockout Punch
NXT
Heath Slater wins a Barrel Run
Darren Young b. Daniel Bryan – Rollup
Justin Gabriel b. Michael Tarver – 450 Splash
Wade Barrett b. David Otunga – Fireman’s Carry Front Slam
Kane b. Heath Slater - Chokeslam
Smackdown
Jack Swagger b. John Morrison – Gutwrench Powerbomb
Drew McIntyre b. Matt Hardy – Futureshock DDT
Hart Dynasty b. Dudebusters - Sharpshooter
Chris Jericho vs. Edge went to a no contest – Double Countout