klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Rick Rude is official for the Hall of Fame and Ricky Steamboat will be inducting him.
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 6, 2017
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
So Fastlane was last night and I'm kind of at a loss for anything positive to say about it. Roman Reigns beat Braun Strowman clean, Charlotte's pay per view streak was broken in a weird moment where Sasha Banks cheated to help Bayley and then Kevin Owens lost the Universal Title to Goldberg in 22 seconds. If that sounds bad, imagine Chicago getting to react to it. Let's get to it.
We open with a quick recap of last night's main event. How quick can a recap be when the match is 22 seconds long?
Here's Chris Jericho to get us going, which is the absolute best thing they could do to keep the crowd from turning on the show. Tonight is the rebirth of Chris Jericho because last night at Fastlane he screwed Kevin Owens out of the Universal Title. A few weeks ago, Owens took a knife and he stuck it in man.
Jericho wants Owens out here right now so here's Kevin. Owens starts to talk but Jericho immediately cuts him off and wants to know why he was stabbed in the back. Kevin says there was no stabbing in the back because they were never best friends. Remember who his best friend used to be? Sami Zayn, who Owens stabbed in the back as he would do over and over again.
Jericho is just a tool and Owens did whatever he could to keep the Universal Title. Chris was there to watch his back because he knew what to expect but he was also gullible. Then Jericho outlived his usefulness by accepting the match against Goldberg on Kevin's behalf. Last night Goldberg would have been outsmarted but Jericho got the better of Kevin last night.
Jericho calls trusting Owens the worst thing he ever could have done but now he has friends around this arena. Chris: I've got the friends of Jericho! CHEER ME ON MAN! Jericho isn't done with Owens though because last night was the beginning of a road that ends at Wrestlemania. The match is made but since the show is in a month, let's have a fight right now. Owens comes down to the ring for the brawl until Samoa Joe comes in to jump Jericho. Sami Zayn runs out with a chair for the save and house is cleaned. I heartily approve of every single thing that happened here.
Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens
I had the tag match written up but I sit here surprised. Sami hammers away to start and sends him outside for a kick to the chest. One heck of a flip dive (over the referee) takes Owens out but he comes back in with the Pop Up Powerbomb for no cover. Instead he hits a brainbuster onto the knee, followed by a second Pop Up Powerbomb for the pin at 3:54.
Cruiserweight Title: Rich Swann vs. Neville
Neville is defending. After the handshake, Swann wastes no time in going after the champ and pounds him out to the floor. Neville is right back though and sends him head first into the LED apron for a thud. Back from a break with Swann getting out of a chinlock as the AUSTIN ARIES chants strike up. Swann sends him outside and hits a bit flip dive off the top (Aries: Was that a swan dive?) but gets crotched back inside.
The superplex knocks Swann silly but he's able to roll outside before the Rings of Saturn can go on. Back from another break with Swann getting in a German suplex and kicking Neville in the head for a close two. Another kick to the head sets up the Phoenix Splash but Swann only hits mat, setting up the Rings of Saturn to retain the title at 13:33.
Post match Aries goes into the ring for an interview with Neville but the fans cut him off with the AUSTIN ARIES chants. Neville says he's laid waste to pretender after pretender and there's no one left on 205 Live to challenge him. Aries makes sure he understood that: there's no one that can challenge Neville?
The fans chant for Aries and he actually acknowledges them for a change, which isn't cool with the champ. Neville gets in his face so Aries takes off the sunglasses and Neville keeps at it until Aries has a question for him. Actually it's more of a statement and that means a big left hand to Neville. A discus forearm puts Neville on the floor to a MASSIVE pop.
Enzo and Big Cass get in Cesaro and Sheamus' face for some short form trash talk.
Here's Goldberg and EGADS the booing starts when the music stops. Goldberg holds up the title and says it belongs to the people as much as it belongs to him. Goldberg says he has information he's never mentioned before but the CM PUNK chants start up. He kind of rolls with them but here's Paul Heyman instead. Heyman knows he's not man enough to get in the ring with Goldberg but he knows someone who is.
Cue Brock Lesnar for the staredown with Heyman saying that no one is happier for Goldberg than Lesnar himself. Only one of them can walk out as the winner because the other will walk out of Wrestlemania as the loser. Lesnar extends his hand as Goldberg looks at Lesnar, meaning it's an F5 for the new champ. This still flat out does not need the title involved.
Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore and Big Cass vs. Anderson and Gallows
Enzo and Cass are challenging after Amore's foot was pushed off the ropes to end their title shot last night. Cass runs over Gallows and the champs are sent to the floor. They're smart enough to move before Enzo can dive though and here come Sheamus and Cesaro. Back with Amore in trouble but grabbing a tornado DDT. A suicide dive takes Gallows out again but Enzo spills Cesaro's coffee. That's enough to draw Cesaro and Sheamus in for the DQ at 6:53.
Cesaro and Sheamus clean house post match which might set up a triple threat.
Rick Rude Hall of Fame announcement.
Post break Foley breaks up Amore/Cass and Cesaro/Sheamus from fighting in the back. They'll have a #1 contenders match next week. Everyone seems happy so HERE'S FREAKING STEPHANIE to tell Mick to go come to her office.
Ariya Daivari vs. Akira Tozawa
Daivari takes him down to start so Tozawa shouts a lot and sends Daivari to the floor for a suicide dive. Back in and the snap German suplex ends Daivari at 2:08.
Tozawa says he wants to fight Brian Kendrick but Brian comes out and says be careful what you wish for.
New Day vs. Shining Stars
Before the match, New day shows off their ice cream cart and say they can now host a lot of things, including a beating for the Shining Stars. A butterfly gutbuster puts Kofi down to start and Big E. is knocked off the apron. The Stars go after the ice cream cart but Big E. is there for the save. The Midnight Hour wraps up Primo at 1:18.
Women's History Month video on Trish Stratus and Lita.
Foley is in the ring to introduce Bayley. The champ is glad to have retained the title but she doesn't feel right about how she kept it last night. She had wanted Sasha Banks to stay in the back but something else happened instead. When she was a kid, her calendar began and ended with Wrestlemania and now she's going to the show but she doesn't feel right about it.
Foley asks who she'll be defending the title against (Shouldn't he be telling her?) but here's Sasha to interrupt. She wants the shot and Bayley seems to agree but Foley asks for the people's opinion. Cue Charlotte and Dana Brooke to say this was the plan all along. Whoever lost at Roadblock wasn't supposed to get a second chance and now Banks is pulling this. Charlotte blames Foley and says she's the victim because she was robbed.
Cue Stephanie to say she's the boss (yes Stephanie you haven't made that clear enough yet) and call out the fans for being losers like CM Punk. Stephanie makes Charlotte #1 contender but Mick says you can't leave the Boss out. Stephanie: Mick, who is the boss? Mick suggests Charlotte vs. Banks for the #1 contendership next week but Stephanie has a better idea (well duh): Bayley vs. Sasha right now and if Sasha wins, the title match at Wrestlemania is a triple threat.
Sasha Banks vs. Bayley
Non-title. Banks takes her to the mat to start and gets two off a rollup. Bayley gets the same off an armdrag and they stare each other down a bit. Sasha hiptosses her into the corner as Charlotte keeps complaining about how she was cheated last night (completely true). A hard chop staggers Bayley and a wristdrag out of the corner sends her outside. They don't seem to want to hut each other here. Back in and a hard clothesline drops Bayley as we take a break.
We come back with the slow pace continuing and a camera shot of the announcers' desk instead of the ring. Bayley can't get the suplex but here are Charlotte and Dana to ringside. Banks misses the middle rope knees in the corner, followed by Bayley missing a high crossbody. The Bank Statement goes on and Sasha kicks Charlotte off the apron as Bayley taps at 13:00.
Charlotte takes Sasha out post match.
Roman Reigns says if Braun Strowman wants to even the score, he'll be in the middle of the ring at the end of the show.
Video on Seth Rollins rehabbing his knee.
HHH joins us via satellite to talk about how great WWE's medical program is and hopes that Rollins will listen to the experts. He's been called many things over the years but everyone knows he's always been the man. Why Rollins can't use his head and stay away isn't clear but if HHH has to do something about it, so be it.
Emma is coming. Graves: Not this again!
Samoa Joe vs. Chris Jericho
Non-title with Owens and Zayn banned from ringside. Joe takes him into the corner to start and stomps away before a quick crossbody gives Chris two. The Walls are quickly countered so Jericho settles for an enziguri. A dropkick puts Joe on the floor and Jericho baseball slides to the floor....right into the Koquina Clutch. Joe grabs the hold on the floor and it's a countout at 3:55.
Joe goes after Jericho again and takes a Codebreaker. That helps the result a good bit.
Here's Strowman to finish what he started last night. Roman's music starts but is quickly replaced by a gong because here comes Undertaker. The fans are WAY into this staredown but Braun bails into the crowd as the fans cheer for Undertaker. As Undertaker goes to leave, cue Reigns for the real staredown. The fans aren't quite as into this and boo Reigns out of the building as he says this isn't about Undertaker. Reigns says it's his yard now (that's all this match needed to set it up) and that earns him a chokeslam. We get a shot of the Wrestlemania logo over Undertaker's shoulder before he walks out to end the show.
Results
Kevin Owens b. Sami Zayn Pop Up Powerbomb
Neville b. Rich Swann Rings of Saturn
Anderson and Gallows b. Enzo Amore/Big Cass via DQ when Cesaro interfered
New Day b. Shining Stars Midnight Hour to Primo
Sasha Banks b. Bayley Bank Statement
Samoa Joe b. Chris Jericho via DQ
Tuesday
Ron Bass passed away at the age of 68.
Smackdown
Date: March 7, 2017
Location: Bankers Life Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Mauro Ranallo, Tom Phillips, David Otunga
We're down to four shows left before Wrestlemania XXXIII and tonight we're likely finding out who is challenging for the Smackdown World Title. I know you might have heard that one before but this time seems to be the real thing. Tonight AJ Styles faces Randy Orton for the title shot against Bray Wyatt at the biggest show of the year. Let's get to it.
We open with a long recap of Randy Orton joining Bray Wyatt, seemingly with the intent to betray him later. That led us to last week where Orton burned Bray's barn down, presumably destroying Sister Abigail's grave in the process. I know I'm older than the average fan, but in my day, felonious arson recorded on tape wouldn't be seen as a face turn.
Here are Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan to get things going. They're not sure who should get the title shot as Daniel thinks it should be Orton while Shane prefers Styles. Bryan talks about how the winner of the Royal Rumble has to get the shot. Shane says no one has ever given up their shot like Orton did (Orton would be the third I believe). This leads to more recaps and the fans seem to like the idea of Styles getting the shot. Therefore, tonight we're having a match for the #1 contendership. This too quite a bit longer than necessary.
Post break AJ gets in the bosses' faces and says he's tired of this anti-AJ conspiracy. AJ makes it clear that he's not afraid of fire.
James Ellsworth/Carmella vs. John Cena/Nikki Bella
Before the match, Ellsworth says he beat AJ Styles three times in a row and it took Cena three times to get his first win. That makes Ellsworth the mack daddy of Smackdown! The women start and here are Miz and Maryse at the bell. The distraction lets Carmella get in a superkick and we take an early break.
Back with Miz and Maryse on commentary and Nikki kicking Carmella to the floor. There's the hot tag off to Cena and Ellsworth has to come in. Ellsworth slaps him in the face and gets ProtoPlexed. Carmella gets in Cena's face and eats a forearm, setting up a double Shuffle, stereo AA/Rack Attack 2.0 and double STF's for the tap at 7:11.
Miz and Maryse lay them out post match with Miz going on a rant about how he and Maryse have been the real first couple of WWE for a year now and it sickens him to see someone pretend to have real love for the sake of promoting their brands. Maryse throws the mic at Bella and we're out.
Orton suggests that AJ run.
Rick Rude Hall of Fame announcement.
Curt Hawkins is in the ring to call out Dean Ambrose for attacking him before their match last week. Ambrose comes out and sends Hawkins packing before saying he wanted to call out Baron Corbin. Baron pops up on screen to say Ambrose should enjoy what he has while he has it. Whenever Corbin wants to, he's taking what Dean values most. Ambrose heads to the back but stops to give Hawkins Dirty Deeds on the floor.
Women's History Month video on Trish Stratus and Lita.
Post break, Ambrose is looking for Corbin.
Mojo Rawley, in a suit, says he wants his Wrestlemania moment. Therefore, he's announcing his entrance into the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. Dolph Ziggler comes up and says Mojo has to earn that kind of a moment. Mojo: Is that why you don't have one?
Dean is still looking for Corbin when Baron jumps him with a pipe to the knee and another shot to the chest. Corbin: You found me! Dean: All right. Good talk! Corbin kicks him again for saying something that stupid. Baron finds a forklift and lowers the lift onto Dean's chest. Every the geniuses, the referees try to lift it off of him until one of them wakes up and presses the UP button.
Here are Alexa Bliss and Mickie James for a chat. Bliss is here to announce her opponent for Wrestlemania but first, let's talk about who it won't be. It's not going to be Naomi because she's off feeling the ow. It won't be Nikki Bella, who is in the trainers' room being nursed back to help by her square jawed superman. It won't be Carmella with her weird chin. It won't be Chuckie, who you all know as Becky Lynch.
Bliss has gotten rid of her over and over and she just keeps coming back (Call Rick Steiner. I hear he has experience in that area.). Cue Becky to says he has a Beclaration (Becky: You don't have to call it that. I've done better.) to say she's taking the title back at Wrestlemania.
This brings out Natalya to tell Beaker to step aside. Natalya thinks Becky is out of her and Alexa's league but Alexa thinks Natalya has been getting into the catnip. See, Natalya is the worst there is, the worst there was and the worst there ever will be. Mickie grabs the mic and says Becky and Natalya are ruining this moment.
Of course it's going to be Mickie getting the title shot but Alexa doesn't seem to agree. Becky points out that she beat Mickie twice last week. Alexa: See....what had happened was.... Natalya calls Mickie ugly and here's Daniel Bryan to break it up. He and Shane heard Alexa call herself the greatest woman on the Smackdown roster and there's only one way to find out if that's true. Therefore, it's going to be Alexa defending against the entire division at Wrestlemania. As for tonight, let's have a holla holla (Daniel's words) tag match.
Natalya/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James
Joined in progress with Bliss shoving Natalya and getting slapped in the face for her efforts. Natalya does her stepover into the basement dropkick (clearly missed) for two and it's off to Becky via a somewhat forceful tag. Mickie comes in as well and takes a few dropkicks, followed by a Becky nip-up. It's back to Bliss who throws Becky down by the hair for two as JBL wants to know what kind of a match Bliss will be defending her title in (it was never specified).
A quick trip to the floor goes badly for Lynch and we take a break. Back with Lynch still getting double teamed and James grabbing a chinlock. Becky finally throws Alexa away but she opts to clothesline Mickie instead of tagging out. Natalya doesn't care for this and comes in with a German suplex on her partner (the fans seem surprised that a heel would do a heelish thing) before walking out. Bliss tags herself in and steals the pin at 12:45.
Mickie kicks Bliss in the head post match.
We look back at the forklift incident. Ambrose hs been taken to a medical facility with possibly broken ribs.
Austin Aries wants us to watch 205 Live.
AJ Styles vs. Randy Orton
The winner faces Bray Wyatt for the title at Wrestlemania. Before the match, AJ says he should be the champ again because he made the B show into the A show. Then you have Randy Orton who burned a man's house down and is getting praised for it. No one is keeping him from being in the main event on the grandest stage of them all and making Wrestlemania phenomenal.
Orton tries the RKO in a hurry but AJ bails out to the floor. Back in and AJ grabs a chinlock before Orton sends him hard into the corner. Styles starts kicking at the knee and Orton falls out to the floor as we take a break. Back with AJ staying on the leg and grabbing a chinlock. Orton pops back up with a full nelson slam for one but gets caught in the Hoshi Geroshi for two.
The Calf Crusher goes on but Orton slowly crawls over to the ropes. Orton comes right back with the hanging DDT but AJ gets sent outside. That looks to set up the springboard 450 so Orton coils, only to have AJ springboard up but drop right back down to the apron in a good fakeout. The springboard 450 misses though and a pop up RKO sends Orton to the title match at 18:45.
Results
Nikki Bella/John Cena b. Carmella/James Ellsworth Double STF's
Alexa Bliss/Mickie James b. Natalya/Becky Lynch Bliss pinned Lynch after a German suplex from Natalya
Randy Orton b. AJ Styles RKO
Wednesday
NXT
Date: March 8, 2017
Location: University Area CDC Gymnasium, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Percy Watson, Nigel McGuinness, Tom Phillips
We're on the road again and that means we're getting closer to heading back to Orlando for the next Takeover. None of the card is announced yet but with four shows left, you can imagine how fast that's going to change. We're also a week away from Bobby Roode defending the NXT Title against Kassius Ohno. Let's get to it.
Opening sequence.
Tye Dillinger vs. Eric Young
That's quite the opener. Young sends Sanity to the back before going to the ring. There's no bell just yet though as the team brings Roderick Strong's unconscious body out to the stage. Tye goes to check on him and No Way Jose comes out as well. Dillinger and Jose charge the ring for the brawl but the numbers get the better of them and Sanity dominates.
Peyton Royce and Billie Kay are trying to find a place to hang their award for Breakout Star of the Year. For some reason they're hanging it at the Performance Center and talk about the various posters they see around the place. Billie thinks their award should be bigger, like the Dusty Classic trophy. They see Ember Moon working out and jokes ensue until a trainer has to hold Moon back.
We see a shadowy man in a church. He says he's neither a saint or a sinner and says fade to black. That would seem to be Alistair Black.
HoHo Lun vs. Andrade Cien Almas
The fans seem to enjoy chanting LET'S GO HOHO but Almas stomps him down and sends him hard into the corner. Some forearms to the head knock HoHo even sillier and a clothesline cuts off his comeback. The hammerlock DDT ends Lun at 2:34.
Billie Kay vs. Ember Moon
Kay and Royce don't seem too worried here so Ember kicks Billie in the head to take over. Peyton gets pulled inside for a second, allowing Billie to catapult Ember throat first into the ropes. Billie gets in a rolling forearm for two but Ember comes right back with a series of kicks. Another Peyton distraction fails and the Eclipse is enough for the pin on Kay at 3:33.
Billie is hurt and trainers have to come check on her. She's conscious and her limbs are moving. The fans cheer for her to get up and she's able to sit up on her own. Kay is crying and the fans give her a round of applause as she gets to her feet. She gets out of the ring on her own and walks to the back slowly. The fact that she's able to stand is a great sign. Also of note: while she was down, the announcers put the Eclipse over as a devastating move that can put anyone down. You don't hear something like that often enough.
TJ Perkins is ready to face Shinsuke Nakamura tonight.
Ealy Brothers vs. Revival
No match again as the Authors of Pain come out and destroy the Twins.
The Authors go after the Revival but have to settle for beating up the Brothers again.
William Regal makes Ember Moon #1 contender.
We get a sitdown interview with Kassius Ohno who says it's a little weird to be back here where he was four years ago. He's won titles everywhere he's gone and he wants to win the NXT Title.
Bobby Roode is at his home for a satellite and doesn't care what Ohno said. Would you rather have a champion in a suit or a long haired hippie from the 70s? Roode throws the camera crew out.
TJ Perkins vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
Perkins tries to go after the leg but Nakamura sits out on him and they go to the ropes. Nakamura takes him down but it's another standoff, followed by Nakamura's COME ON to a nice reaction. TJ takes him down with a headscissors and dabs, only to have Nakamura escape and do the same thing.
Nakamura is sent to the floor and avoids the slingshot dropkick before kicking TJ in the chest. Back from a break with Nakamura missing a basement dropkick and possibly tweaking the knee. It's fine enough for Good Vibrations but Perkins comes back with a jumping neckbreaker. The second slingshot dropkick connects and a middle rope DDT gets two on Nakamura. A big shot to TJ puts both guys down but Perkins gets smart and kicks the knee out.
Nakamura grabs a Fujiwara armbar but Perkins quickly reverses into something like a Scorpion Deathlock. That goes nowhere so TJ grabs the kneebar until Nakamura makes the ropes. Back up and Nakamura's knee is WAY too fine as he knees TJ in the head. Another one to the ribs sets up the reverse exploder. Kinshasa is enough for the pin on Perkins at 14:59.
Regal says the winner of Roode vs. Ohno has to defend against Nakamura at Takeover.
Results
Andrade Cien Almas b. HoHo Lun Hammerlock DDT
Ember Moon b. Billie Kay Eclipse
Shinsuke Nakamura b. TJ Perkins Kinshasa
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 9, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D'Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
It's a major, major show this week as TNA completely relaunches (again), this time with Jeff Jarrett back at the helm for the first time in a long time. That means almost everything changes and it's really hard to tell what's coming. Lashley is still World Champion and it's going to be interesting to see what else is still around. Let's get to it.
We open with a package of the company's history, including stuff all the way back from the weekly PPV days. Nearly everything gets a look and it's actually quite the history package. Unfortunately it's also a good example of how much potential TNA has had, only to squander so much of it.
There's also a new opening sequence, featuring a closeup of an owl. Anthem, I know you put in some serious money but no one cares about the parent company.
Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards (in street clothes) are brawling in the crowd to start and agents have some issues breaking it up.
Josh Matthews isn't happy with a third headset at the booth. Matthews: THIS ISN'T SMACKDOWN! Jeremy Borash comes out to join commentary and Josh goes into full on heel mode as he tries to throw Jeremy out. Borash talks about how we need a change so he's here to join the lineup. He goes on about Mike Tenay handing him the torch (Matthews throws his feet on the desk and looks annoyed) and then three years ago, someone was fired from WWE.
People here looked at him (Matthews) and said THIS is what a commentator looks like. Matthews talks about broadcasting Wrestlemania from the Georgia Dome but Borash thinks the lead play by play announcer should be someone who respect wrestling. This is going on WAY too long and it's not a good sign when the second segment is battling announcers.
Cody and Brandi Rhodes interrupt the fight with Cody holding the GFW Nex-Gen Title. We get a poll about seeing Cody vs. Moose tonight and the fans seem interested but no announcement is made.
Here's the DCC as JB says Cody knows Moose is in Japan, triggering an argument with Matthews.
DCC vs. Reno Scum
Scum are Luster and Adam who come to the ring with their Future Stars of Wrestling Tag Team Titles (not on the line here). It's Bram and Kingston starting things off as the announcers bicker some more, this time over who is responsible for the new referee's shirts. Oh but now let's stop to admire Josh's suit, as in taking the camera off of the ring.
The match has been going on for about two minutes now and we might have spent ten seconds talking about the action. Luster catches a diving Bram in a spinebuster and a top rope double stomp gives Adam the pin at 2:26. I have no idea who Reno Scum are but I do know about Josh's fashion sense and that's what matters the most.
We recap the wedding and Laurel Van Ness' breakdown as a result.
Sienna yells at the new interviewer and says Maria has suffered a nervous breakdown from the wedding and is gone. Sienna is coming for Maria.
Braxton Sutter vs. Marshe Rockett vs. Caleb Konley vs. DJZ
Only Sutter gets an entrance and it takes about a minute of action to actually name everyone. DJZ hits a big dive, leaving Rockett to powerbomb Sutter into the corner. Marshe goes up but dives into a triple dropkick, leaving everyone else to hit random spots. Konley throws DJZ to the floor for a dive before Saito suplexing Sutter. Now it's Rockett cleaning house until Allie dives off the middle rope to crossbody him to the floor. That's rather heelish and it allows Sutter to hit a fisherman's neckbreaker to put DJZ away at 4:23.
Post match, Van Ness stumbles out, still wearing her wedding dress and holding the champagne bottles (How are those not empty?).
Sienna vs. Rachel Ellering
Ellering is Paul Ellering's daughter and used to be a low level talent in NXT. Rachel forearms Sienna down to start as Josh is now threatening to beat JB Up in between his sitcom plugs. Pope: For goodness sake. JB gives Rachel's background and Josh asks who gives a Schitt's Creek?. A trip to the floor doesn't go anywhere so Sienna forearms her down for two. Rachel gets two off a springboard spinning legdrop and Josh goes on ANOTHER rant about how great he is and insulting JB and Mike Tenay. Josh: NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE NAMES OF THE MOVES! Sienna wins with the Silencer at 4:16.
Here's Bruce Prichard (formerly known as Brother Love) for a chat. Josh: THIS IS WORSE THAN JB! WHO DUG THIS GUY UP??? He doesn't remember Impact Wrestling being this way because he remembers people wanting to be great. They were almost there but for whatever reason, it didn't all happen. This is not a rib but TNA is DEAD.
There are new owners and management, which means we have a new name: Impact Wrestling. These new owners are looking for people who have achieved greatness in the past, like Prichard himself. He was around when names like Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin and John Cena got their start so he knows greatness. Now he brings out Lashley, who talks about beating everyone put in front of him.
Cue Alberto El Patron, who the announcers put over as a big deal. Unfortunately the crowd doesn't put him over as that big of a deal, though the SI chant is pretty loud. Alberto calls him a perro but here's Ethan Carter III to cut him off. Carter wants a shot but Del Rio is given a title shot instead as Prichard can just make decisions like that.
JB gets a news break from backstage and apparently a legend, who has never been on the show before, is backstage.
Eddie Edwards is tired of Davey Richards being like this when Angelina Love comes in to say that Eddie forgot about Davey. She married a real man and slaps Eddie. Edwards chuckles and asks why the real man's wife hits harder than he does.
Josh talks about how no one checked on him when he was injured and that's about it until Cody comes out again to ask about Moose. JB explains that Moose is in Japan so Cody throws the Nex-Gen Title in the ring and says he's waiting. Cody gets in the ring but jumps right back out and goes into the crowd. Josh wants to know where Moose is and ignores the Japan stuff.
The new ad campaign is Make Impact Great, with Lashley saying we need to rise together. Ok then.
Here's Dutch Mantell on his scooter in full Zeb Colter attire. Dutch: My name is Ze....can't say that! He was Zeb Colter in an alternate universe and he's been in wrestling for over forty years. Colter has been all over the world and wrestling too him there. He's in love with professional wrestling and he doesn't know what he would do without it. TNA has been taken over by Impact Wrestling and now he's going to try to make it great (not great again mind you).
Mantell was here eight years ago and saw names like AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, Bobby Roode, Sting, Kurt Angle, Kevin Nash and Booker T. but they all slowly drifted away. Dutch talked to all these guys and they left because of a lack of leadership and vision. Then the fans left (he calls them paying customers, which is kind of a stretch) and the new owners knew the people had to come back. Mantell isn't an authority figure or a boss but rather someone giving advice. The people are his boss and he's wrapping it up by asking everyone to put their hand over their hearts and pledge to make Impact great (the old WE THE PEOPLE thing).
And now, the Hardys wrestle/box a kangaroo. The rest of the show being more serious really does show how stupid a lot of this seems. After Jeff escapes a headlock, it's time for an Expedition of Gold. They disappear....and we cut to Decay who now have the titles. Steve says the Hardys are now deleted, which suggests that they beat them off camera. It's not as good as just filming a quick title change but this is WAY better than stripping the Hardys of the belts and crowning new champions. WAY better.
JB announces Slammiversary on July 2, sending Josh into a rant about how Borash making the announcement will cut down the PPV sales.
Impact Wrestling World Title: Alberto El Patron vs. Lashley
Lashley is defending. Josh asks Pope if El Patron is going to be thrown off by the six sided ring but thankfully JB is there to say the six sided ring was invented in Mexico, meaning El Patron has a ton of experience. Pope gets in a good response by saying all the experience in the world doesn't matter when you're facing someone like Lashley. Nice little exchange there but it might be due to how horrible commentary has been all night.
Lashley takes him down in the corner to start and chokes with the boot before they head outside. Patron's few strikes don't work as Lashley knocks him outside again. A suplex gets two but it's too early for the spear as Alberto dropkicks him down. The cross armbreaker over the ropes has Lashley in trouble and here Ethan Carter III to watch. Back from a break with Alberto making his comeback, only to have the ref get bumped.
Del Rio gets the cross armbreaker as a second referee comes in. Lashley powerbombs his way out of the hold (Pope: HAYSTACKS CALHOUN WHAT A SLAM!) and gets two off a spinebuster. The second referee is bumped and Lashley hits a second spinebuster. Lashley goes to get the belt but Alberto knocks it into the champ's face for the pin and the title at 17:41.
The referees huddle and Lashley is livid as El Patron leaves to end the show. There's a good chance that's getting overturned.
Results
Reno Scum b. DCC Top rope double stomp to Bram
Braxton Sutter b. DJZ, Marshe Rockett and Caleb Konley Fisherman's neckbreaker to DJZ
Sienna b. Rachel Ellering Silencer
Alberto El Patron b. Lashley Belt to the head
Friday
Nothing.
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Nothing.
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
Kevin Owens b. Sami Zayn Pop Up Powerbomb
Neville b. Rich Swann Rings of Saturn
Anderson and Gallows b. Enzo Amore/Big Cass via DQ when Cesaro interfered
New Day b. Shining Stars Midnight Hour to Primo
Sasha Banks b. Bayley Bank Statement
Smackdown
Nikki Bella/John Cena b. Carmella/James Ellsworth Double STF's
Alexa Bliss/Mickie James b. Natalya/Becky Lynch Bliss pinned Lynch after a German suplex from Natalya
Randy Orton b. AJ Styles RKO
NXT
Andrade Cien Almas b. HoHo Lun Hammerlock DDT
Ember Moon b. Billie Kay Eclipse
Shinsuke Nakamura b. TJ Perkins Kinshasa
Impact Wrestling
Reno Scum b. DCC Top rope double stomp to Bram
Braxton Sutter b. DJZ, Marshe Rockett and Caleb Konley Fisherman's neckbreaker to DJZ
Sienna b. Rachel Ellering Silencer
Alberto El Patron b. Lashley Belt to the head
Rick Rude is official for the Hall of Fame and Ricky Steamboat will be inducting him.
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 6, 2017
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
So Fastlane was last night and I'm kind of at a loss for anything positive to say about it. Roman Reigns beat Braun Strowman clean, Charlotte's pay per view streak was broken in a weird moment where Sasha Banks cheated to help Bayley and then Kevin Owens lost the Universal Title to Goldberg in 22 seconds. If that sounds bad, imagine Chicago getting to react to it. Let's get to it.
We open with a quick recap of last night's main event. How quick can a recap be when the match is 22 seconds long?
Here's Chris Jericho to get us going, which is the absolute best thing they could do to keep the crowd from turning on the show. Tonight is the rebirth of Chris Jericho because last night at Fastlane he screwed Kevin Owens out of the Universal Title. A few weeks ago, Owens took a knife and he stuck it in man.
Jericho wants Owens out here right now so here's Kevin. Owens starts to talk but Jericho immediately cuts him off and wants to know why he was stabbed in the back. Kevin says there was no stabbing in the back because they were never best friends. Remember who his best friend used to be? Sami Zayn, who Owens stabbed in the back as he would do over and over again.
Jericho is just a tool and Owens did whatever he could to keep the Universal Title. Chris was there to watch his back because he knew what to expect but he was also gullible. Then Jericho outlived his usefulness by accepting the match against Goldberg on Kevin's behalf. Last night Goldberg would have been outsmarted but Jericho got the better of Kevin last night.
Jericho calls trusting Owens the worst thing he ever could have done but now he has friends around this arena. Chris: I've got the friends of Jericho! CHEER ME ON MAN! Jericho isn't done with Owens though because last night was the beginning of a road that ends at Wrestlemania. The match is made but since the show is in a month, let's have a fight right now. Owens comes down to the ring for the brawl until Samoa Joe comes in to jump Jericho. Sami Zayn runs out with a chair for the save and house is cleaned. I heartily approve of every single thing that happened here.
Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens
I had the tag match written up but I sit here surprised. Sami hammers away to start and sends him outside for a kick to the chest. One heck of a flip dive (over the referee) takes Owens out but he comes back in with the Pop Up Powerbomb for no cover. Instead he hits a brainbuster onto the knee, followed by a second Pop Up Powerbomb for the pin at 3:54.
Cruiserweight Title: Rich Swann vs. Neville
Neville is defending. After the handshake, Swann wastes no time in going after the champ and pounds him out to the floor. Neville is right back though and sends him head first into the LED apron for a thud. Back from a break with Swann getting out of a chinlock as the AUSTIN ARIES chants strike up. Swann sends him outside and hits a bit flip dive off the top (Aries: Was that a swan dive?) but gets crotched back inside.
The superplex knocks Swann silly but he's able to roll outside before the Rings of Saturn can go on. Back from another break with Swann getting in a German suplex and kicking Neville in the head for a close two. Another kick to the head sets up the Phoenix Splash but Swann only hits mat, setting up the Rings of Saturn to retain the title at 13:33.
Post match Aries goes into the ring for an interview with Neville but the fans cut him off with the AUSTIN ARIES chants. Neville says he's laid waste to pretender after pretender and there's no one left on 205 Live to challenge him. Aries makes sure he understood that: there's no one that can challenge Neville?
The fans chant for Aries and he actually acknowledges them for a change, which isn't cool with the champ. Neville gets in his face so Aries takes off the sunglasses and Neville keeps at it until Aries has a question for him. Actually it's more of a statement and that means a big left hand to Neville. A discus forearm puts Neville on the floor to a MASSIVE pop.
Enzo and Big Cass get in Cesaro and Sheamus' face for some short form trash talk.
Here's Goldberg and EGADS the booing starts when the music stops. Goldberg holds up the title and says it belongs to the people as much as it belongs to him. Goldberg says he has information he's never mentioned before but the CM PUNK chants start up. He kind of rolls with them but here's Paul Heyman instead. Heyman knows he's not man enough to get in the ring with Goldberg but he knows someone who is.
Cue Brock Lesnar for the staredown with Heyman saying that no one is happier for Goldberg than Lesnar himself. Only one of them can walk out as the winner because the other will walk out of Wrestlemania as the loser. Lesnar extends his hand as Goldberg looks at Lesnar, meaning it's an F5 for the new champ. This still flat out does not need the title involved.
Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore and Big Cass vs. Anderson and Gallows
Enzo and Cass are challenging after Amore's foot was pushed off the ropes to end their title shot last night. Cass runs over Gallows and the champs are sent to the floor. They're smart enough to move before Enzo can dive though and here come Sheamus and Cesaro. Back with Amore in trouble but grabbing a tornado DDT. A suicide dive takes Gallows out again but Enzo spills Cesaro's coffee. That's enough to draw Cesaro and Sheamus in for the DQ at 6:53.
Cesaro and Sheamus clean house post match which might set up a triple threat.
Rick Rude Hall of Fame announcement.
Post break Foley breaks up Amore/Cass and Cesaro/Sheamus from fighting in the back. They'll have a #1 contenders match next week. Everyone seems happy so HERE'S FREAKING STEPHANIE to tell Mick to go come to her office.
Ariya Daivari vs. Akira Tozawa
Daivari takes him down to start so Tozawa shouts a lot and sends Daivari to the floor for a suicide dive. Back in and the snap German suplex ends Daivari at 2:08.
Tozawa says he wants to fight Brian Kendrick but Brian comes out and says be careful what you wish for.
New Day vs. Shining Stars
Before the match, New day shows off their ice cream cart and say they can now host a lot of things, including a beating for the Shining Stars. A butterfly gutbuster puts Kofi down to start and Big E. is knocked off the apron. The Stars go after the ice cream cart but Big E. is there for the save. The Midnight Hour wraps up Primo at 1:18.
Women's History Month video on Trish Stratus and Lita.
Foley is in the ring to introduce Bayley. The champ is glad to have retained the title but she doesn't feel right about how she kept it last night. She had wanted Sasha Banks to stay in the back but something else happened instead. When she was a kid, her calendar began and ended with Wrestlemania and now she's going to the show but she doesn't feel right about it.
Foley asks who she'll be defending the title against (Shouldn't he be telling her?) but here's Sasha to interrupt. She wants the shot and Bayley seems to agree but Foley asks for the people's opinion. Cue Charlotte and Dana Brooke to say this was the plan all along. Whoever lost at Roadblock wasn't supposed to get a second chance and now Banks is pulling this. Charlotte blames Foley and says she's the victim because she was robbed.
Cue Stephanie to say she's the boss (yes Stephanie you haven't made that clear enough yet) and call out the fans for being losers like CM Punk. Stephanie makes Charlotte #1 contender but Mick says you can't leave the Boss out. Stephanie: Mick, who is the boss? Mick suggests Charlotte vs. Banks for the #1 contendership next week but Stephanie has a better idea (well duh): Bayley vs. Sasha right now and if Sasha wins, the title match at Wrestlemania is a triple threat.
Sasha Banks vs. Bayley
Non-title. Banks takes her to the mat to start and gets two off a rollup. Bayley gets the same off an armdrag and they stare each other down a bit. Sasha hiptosses her into the corner as Charlotte keeps complaining about how she was cheated last night (completely true). A hard chop staggers Bayley and a wristdrag out of the corner sends her outside. They don't seem to want to hut each other here. Back in and a hard clothesline drops Bayley as we take a break.
We come back with the slow pace continuing and a camera shot of the announcers' desk instead of the ring. Bayley can't get the suplex but here are Charlotte and Dana to ringside. Banks misses the middle rope knees in the corner, followed by Bayley missing a high crossbody. The Bank Statement goes on and Sasha kicks Charlotte off the apron as Bayley taps at 13:00.
Charlotte takes Sasha out post match.
Roman Reigns says if Braun Strowman wants to even the score, he'll be in the middle of the ring at the end of the show.
Video on Seth Rollins rehabbing his knee.
HHH joins us via satellite to talk about how great WWE's medical program is and hopes that Rollins will listen to the experts. He's been called many things over the years but everyone knows he's always been the man. Why Rollins can't use his head and stay away isn't clear but if HHH has to do something about it, so be it.
Emma is coming. Graves: Not this again!
Samoa Joe vs. Chris Jericho
Non-title with Owens and Zayn banned from ringside. Joe takes him into the corner to start and stomps away before a quick crossbody gives Chris two. The Walls are quickly countered so Jericho settles for an enziguri. A dropkick puts Joe on the floor and Jericho baseball slides to the floor....right into the Koquina Clutch. Joe grabs the hold on the floor and it's a countout at 3:55.
Joe goes after Jericho again and takes a Codebreaker. That helps the result a good bit.
Here's Strowman to finish what he started last night. Roman's music starts but is quickly replaced by a gong because here comes Undertaker. The fans are WAY into this staredown but Braun bails into the crowd as the fans cheer for Undertaker. As Undertaker goes to leave, cue Reigns for the real staredown. The fans aren't quite as into this and boo Reigns out of the building as he says this isn't about Undertaker. Reigns says it's his yard now (that's all this match needed to set it up) and that earns him a chokeslam. We get a shot of the Wrestlemania logo over Undertaker's shoulder before he walks out to end the show.
Results
Kevin Owens b. Sami Zayn Pop Up Powerbomb
Neville b. Rich Swann Rings of Saturn
Anderson and Gallows b. Enzo Amore/Big Cass via DQ when Cesaro interfered
New Day b. Shining Stars Midnight Hour to Primo
Sasha Banks b. Bayley Bank Statement
Samoa Joe b. Chris Jericho via DQ
Tuesday
Ron Bass passed away at the age of 68.
Smackdown
Date: March 7, 2017
Location: Bankers Life Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Mauro Ranallo, Tom Phillips, David Otunga
We're down to four shows left before Wrestlemania XXXIII and tonight we're likely finding out who is challenging for the Smackdown World Title. I know you might have heard that one before but this time seems to be the real thing. Tonight AJ Styles faces Randy Orton for the title shot against Bray Wyatt at the biggest show of the year. Let's get to it.
We open with a long recap of Randy Orton joining Bray Wyatt, seemingly with the intent to betray him later. That led us to last week where Orton burned Bray's barn down, presumably destroying Sister Abigail's grave in the process. I know I'm older than the average fan, but in my day, felonious arson recorded on tape wouldn't be seen as a face turn.
Here are Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan to get things going. They're not sure who should get the title shot as Daniel thinks it should be Orton while Shane prefers Styles. Bryan talks about how the winner of the Royal Rumble has to get the shot. Shane says no one has ever given up their shot like Orton did (Orton would be the third I believe). This leads to more recaps and the fans seem to like the idea of Styles getting the shot. Therefore, tonight we're having a match for the #1 contendership. This too quite a bit longer than necessary.
Post break AJ gets in the bosses' faces and says he's tired of this anti-AJ conspiracy. AJ makes it clear that he's not afraid of fire.
James Ellsworth/Carmella vs. John Cena/Nikki Bella
Before the match, Ellsworth says he beat AJ Styles three times in a row and it took Cena three times to get his first win. That makes Ellsworth the mack daddy of Smackdown! The women start and here are Miz and Maryse at the bell. The distraction lets Carmella get in a superkick and we take an early break.
Back with Miz and Maryse on commentary and Nikki kicking Carmella to the floor. There's the hot tag off to Cena and Ellsworth has to come in. Ellsworth slaps him in the face and gets ProtoPlexed. Carmella gets in Cena's face and eats a forearm, setting up a double Shuffle, stereo AA/Rack Attack 2.0 and double STF's for the tap at 7:11.
Miz and Maryse lay them out post match with Miz going on a rant about how he and Maryse have been the real first couple of WWE for a year now and it sickens him to see someone pretend to have real love for the sake of promoting their brands. Maryse throws the mic at Bella and we're out.
Orton suggests that AJ run.
Rick Rude Hall of Fame announcement.
Curt Hawkins is in the ring to call out Dean Ambrose for attacking him before their match last week. Ambrose comes out and sends Hawkins packing before saying he wanted to call out Baron Corbin. Baron pops up on screen to say Ambrose should enjoy what he has while he has it. Whenever Corbin wants to, he's taking what Dean values most. Ambrose heads to the back but stops to give Hawkins Dirty Deeds on the floor.
Women's History Month video on Trish Stratus and Lita.
Post break, Ambrose is looking for Corbin.
Mojo Rawley, in a suit, says he wants his Wrestlemania moment. Therefore, he's announcing his entrance into the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. Dolph Ziggler comes up and says Mojo has to earn that kind of a moment. Mojo: Is that why you don't have one?
Dean is still looking for Corbin when Baron jumps him with a pipe to the knee and another shot to the chest. Corbin: You found me! Dean: All right. Good talk! Corbin kicks him again for saying something that stupid. Baron finds a forklift and lowers the lift onto Dean's chest. Every the geniuses, the referees try to lift it off of him until one of them wakes up and presses the UP button.
Here are Alexa Bliss and Mickie James for a chat. Bliss is here to announce her opponent for Wrestlemania but first, let's talk about who it won't be. It's not going to be Naomi because she's off feeling the ow. It won't be Nikki Bella, who is in the trainers' room being nursed back to help by her square jawed superman. It won't be Carmella with her weird chin. It won't be Chuckie, who you all know as Becky Lynch.
Bliss has gotten rid of her over and over and she just keeps coming back (Call Rick Steiner. I hear he has experience in that area.). Cue Becky to says he has a Beclaration (Becky: You don't have to call it that. I've done better.) to say she's taking the title back at Wrestlemania.
This brings out Natalya to tell Beaker to step aside. Natalya thinks Becky is out of her and Alexa's league but Alexa thinks Natalya has been getting into the catnip. See, Natalya is the worst there is, the worst there was and the worst there ever will be. Mickie grabs the mic and says Becky and Natalya are ruining this moment.
Of course it's going to be Mickie getting the title shot but Alexa doesn't seem to agree. Becky points out that she beat Mickie twice last week. Alexa: See....what had happened was.... Natalya calls Mickie ugly and here's Daniel Bryan to break it up. He and Shane heard Alexa call herself the greatest woman on the Smackdown roster and there's only one way to find out if that's true. Therefore, it's going to be Alexa defending against the entire division at Wrestlemania. As for tonight, let's have a holla holla (Daniel's words) tag match.
Natalya/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James
Joined in progress with Bliss shoving Natalya and getting slapped in the face for her efforts. Natalya does her stepover into the basement dropkick (clearly missed) for two and it's off to Becky via a somewhat forceful tag. Mickie comes in as well and takes a few dropkicks, followed by a Becky nip-up. It's back to Bliss who throws Becky down by the hair for two as JBL wants to know what kind of a match Bliss will be defending her title in (it was never specified).
A quick trip to the floor goes badly for Lynch and we take a break. Back with Lynch still getting double teamed and James grabbing a chinlock. Becky finally throws Alexa away but she opts to clothesline Mickie instead of tagging out. Natalya doesn't care for this and comes in with a German suplex on her partner (the fans seem surprised that a heel would do a heelish thing) before walking out. Bliss tags herself in and steals the pin at 12:45.
Mickie kicks Bliss in the head post match.
We look back at the forklift incident. Ambrose hs been taken to a medical facility with possibly broken ribs.
Austin Aries wants us to watch 205 Live.
AJ Styles vs. Randy Orton
The winner faces Bray Wyatt for the title at Wrestlemania. Before the match, AJ says he should be the champ again because he made the B show into the A show. Then you have Randy Orton who burned a man's house down and is getting praised for it. No one is keeping him from being in the main event on the grandest stage of them all and making Wrestlemania phenomenal.
Orton tries the RKO in a hurry but AJ bails out to the floor. Back in and AJ grabs a chinlock before Orton sends him hard into the corner. Styles starts kicking at the knee and Orton falls out to the floor as we take a break. Back with AJ staying on the leg and grabbing a chinlock. Orton pops back up with a full nelson slam for one but gets caught in the Hoshi Geroshi for two.
The Calf Crusher goes on but Orton slowly crawls over to the ropes. Orton comes right back with the hanging DDT but AJ gets sent outside. That looks to set up the springboard 450 so Orton coils, only to have AJ springboard up but drop right back down to the apron in a good fakeout. The springboard 450 misses though and a pop up RKO sends Orton to the title match at 18:45.
Results
Nikki Bella/John Cena b. Carmella/James Ellsworth Double STF's
Alexa Bliss/Mickie James b. Natalya/Becky Lynch Bliss pinned Lynch after a German suplex from Natalya
Randy Orton b. AJ Styles RKO
Wednesday
NXT
Date: March 8, 2017
Location: University Area CDC Gymnasium, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Percy Watson, Nigel McGuinness, Tom Phillips
We're on the road again and that means we're getting closer to heading back to Orlando for the next Takeover. None of the card is announced yet but with four shows left, you can imagine how fast that's going to change. We're also a week away from Bobby Roode defending the NXT Title against Kassius Ohno. Let's get to it.
Opening sequence.
Tye Dillinger vs. Eric Young
That's quite the opener. Young sends Sanity to the back before going to the ring. There's no bell just yet though as the team brings Roderick Strong's unconscious body out to the stage. Tye goes to check on him and No Way Jose comes out as well. Dillinger and Jose charge the ring for the brawl but the numbers get the better of them and Sanity dominates.
Peyton Royce and Billie Kay are trying to find a place to hang their award for Breakout Star of the Year. For some reason they're hanging it at the Performance Center and talk about the various posters they see around the place. Billie thinks their award should be bigger, like the Dusty Classic trophy. They see Ember Moon working out and jokes ensue until a trainer has to hold Moon back.
We see a shadowy man in a church. He says he's neither a saint or a sinner and says fade to black. That would seem to be Alistair Black.
HoHo Lun vs. Andrade Cien Almas
The fans seem to enjoy chanting LET'S GO HOHO but Almas stomps him down and sends him hard into the corner. Some forearms to the head knock HoHo even sillier and a clothesline cuts off his comeback. The hammerlock DDT ends Lun at 2:34.
Billie Kay vs. Ember Moon
Kay and Royce don't seem too worried here so Ember kicks Billie in the head to take over. Peyton gets pulled inside for a second, allowing Billie to catapult Ember throat first into the ropes. Billie gets in a rolling forearm for two but Ember comes right back with a series of kicks. Another Peyton distraction fails and the Eclipse is enough for the pin on Kay at 3:33.
Billie is hurt and trainers have to come check on her. She's conscious and her limbs are moving. The fans cheer for her to get up and she's able to sit up on her own. Kay is crying and the fans give her a round of applause as she gets to her feet. She gets out of the ring on her own and walks to the back slowly. The fact that she's able to stand is a great sign. Also of note: while she was down, the announcers put the Eclipse over as a devastating move that can put anyone down. You don't hear something like that often enough.
TJ Perkins is ready to face Shinsuke Nakamura tonight.
Ealy Brothers vs. Revival
No match again as the Authors of Pain come out and destroy the Twins.
The Authors go after the Revival but have to settle for beating up the Brothers again.
William Regal makes Ember Moon #1 contender.
We get a sitdown interview with Kassius Ohno who says it's a little weird to be back here where he was four years ago. He's won titles everywhere he's gone and he wants to win the NXT Title.
Bobby Roode is at his home for a satellite and doesn't care what Ohno said. Would you rather have a champion in a suit or a long haired hippie from the 70s? Roode throws the camera crew out.
TJ Perkins vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
Perkins tries to go after the leg but Nakamura sits out on him and they go to the ropes. Nakamura takes him down but it's another standoff, followed by Nakamura's COME ON to a nice reaction. TJ takes him down with a headscissors and dabs, only to have Nakamura escape and do the same thing.
Nakamura is sent to the floor and avoids the slingshot dropkick before kicking TJ in the chest. Back from a break with Nakamura missing a basement dropkick and possibly tweaking the knee. It's fine enough for Good Vibrations but Perkins comes back with a jumping neckbreaker. The second slingshot dropkick connects and a middle rope DDT gets two on Nakamura. A big shot to TJ puts both guys down but Perkins gets smart and kicks the knee out.
Nakamura grabs a Fujiwara armbar but Perkins quickly reverses into something like a Scorpion Deathlock. That goes nowhere so TJ grabs the kneebar until Nakamura makes the ropes. Back up and Nakamura's knee is WAY too fine as he knees TJ in the head. Another one to the ribs sets up the reverse exploder. Kinshasa is enough for the pin on Perkins at 14:59.
Regal says the winner of Roode vs. Ohno has to defend against Nakamura at Takeover.
Results
Andrade Cien Almas b. HoHo Lun Hammerlock DDT
Ember Moon b. Billie Kay Eclipse
Shinsuke Nakamura b. TJ Perkins Kinshasa
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 9, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D'Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
It's a major, major show this week as TNA completely relaunches (again), this time with Jeff Jarrett back at the helm for the first time in a long time. That means almost everything changes and it's really hard to tell what's coming. Lashley is still World Champion and it's going to be interesting to see what else is still around. Let's get to it.
We open with a package of the company's history, including stuff all the way back from the weekly PPV days. Nearly everything gets a look and it's actually quite the history package. Unfortunately it's also a good example of how much potential TNA has had, only to squander so much of it.
There's also a new opening sequence, featuring a closeup of an owl. Anthem, I know you put in some serious money but no one cares about the parent company.
Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards (in street clothes) are brawling in the crowd to start and agents have some issues breaking it up.
Josh Matthews isn't happy with a third headset at the booth. Matthews: THIS ISN'T SMACKDOWN! Jeremy Borash comes out to join commentary and Josh goes into full on heel mode as he tries to throw Jeremy out. Borash talks about how we need a change so he's here to join the lineup. He goes on about Mike Tenay handing him the torch (Matthews throws his feet on the desk and looks annoyed) and then three years ago, someone was fired from WWE.
People here looked at him (Matthews) and said THIS is what a commentator looks like. Matthews talks about broadcasting Wrestlemania from the Georgia Dome but Borash thinks the lead play by play announcer should be someone who respect wrestling. This is going on WAY too long and it's not a good sign when the second segment is battling announcers.
Cody and Brandi Rhodes interrupt the fight with Cody holding the GFW Nex-Gen Title. We get a poll about seeing Cody vs. Moose tonight and the fans seem interested but no announcement is made.
Here's the DCC as JB says Cody knows Moose is in Japan, triggering an argument with Matthews.
DCC vs. Reno Scum
Scum are Luster and Adam who come to the ring with their Future Stars of Wrestling Tag Team Titles (not on the line here). It's Bram and Kingston starting things off as the announcers bicker some more, this time over who is responsible for the new referee's shirts. Oh but now let's stop to admire Josh's suit, as in taking the camera off of the ring.
The match has been going on for about two minutes now and we might have spent ten seconds talking about the action. Luster catches a diving Bram in a spinebuster and a top rope double stomp gives Adam the pin at 2:26. I have no idea who Reno Scum are but I do know about Josh's fashion sense and that's what matters the most.
We recap the wedding and Laurel Van Ness' breakdown as a result.
Sienna yells at the new interviewer and says Maria has suffered a nervous breakdown from the wedding and is gone. Sienna is coming for Maria.
Braxton Sutter vs. Marshe Rockett vs. Caleb Konley vs. DJZ
Only Sutter gets an entrance and it takes about a minute of action to actually name everyone. DJZ hits a big dive, leaving Rockett to powerbomb Sutter into the corner. Marshe goes up but dives into a triple dropkick, leaving everyone else to hit random spots. Konley throws DJZ to the floor for a dive before Saito suplexing Sutter. Now it's Rockett cleaning house until Allie dives off the middle rope to crossbody him to the floor. That's rather heelish and it allows Sutter to hit a fisherman's neckbreaker to put DJZ away at 4:23.
Post match, Van Ness stumbles out, still wearing her wedding dress and holding the champagne bottles (How are those not empty?).
Sienna vs. Rachel Ellering
Ellering is Paul Ellering's daughter and used to be a low level talent in NXT. Rachel forearms Sienna down to start as Josh is now threatening to beat JB Up in between his sitcom plugs. Pope: For goodness sake. JB gives Rachel's background and Josh asks who gives a Schitt's Creek?. A trip to the floor doesn't go anywhere so Sienna forearms her down for two. Rachel gets two off a springboard spinning legdrop and Josh goes on ANOTHER rant about how great he is and insulting JB and Mike Tenay. Josh: NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE NAMES OF THE MOVES! Sienna wins with the Silencer at 4:16.
Here's Bruce Prichard (formerly known as Brother Love) for a chat. Josh: THIS IS WORSE THAN JB! WHO DUG THIS GUY UP??? He doesn't remember Impact Wrestling being this way because he remembers people wanting to be great. They were almost there but for whatever reason, it didn't all happen. This is not a rib but TNA is DEAD.
There are new owners and management, which means we have a new name: Impact Wrestling. These new owners are looking for people who have achieved greatness in the past, like Prichard himself. He was around when names like Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin and John Cena got their start so he knows greatness. Now he brings out Lashley, who talks about beating everyone put in front of him.
Cue Alberto El Patron, who the announcers put over as a big deal. Unfortunately the crowd doesn't put him over as that big of a deal, though the SI chant is pretty loud. Alberto calls him a perro but here's Ethan Carter III to cut him off. Carter wants a shot but Del Rio is given a title shot instead as Prichard can just make decisions like that.
JB gets a news break from backstage and apparently a legend, who has never been on the show before, is backstage.
Eddie Edwards is tired of Davey Richards being like this when Angelina Love comes in to say that Eddie forgot about Davey. She married a real man and slaps Eddie. Edwards chuckles and asks why the real man's wife hits harder than he does.
Josh talks about how no one checked on him when he was injured and that's about it until Cody comes out again to ask about Moose. JB explains that Moose is in Japan so Cody throws the Nex-Gen Title in the ring and says he's waiting. Cody gets in the ring but jumps right back out and goes into the crowd. Josh wants to know where Moose is and ignores the Japan stuff.
The new ad campaign is Make Impact Great, with Lashley saying we need to rise together. Ok then.
Here's Dutch Mantell on his scooter in full Zeb Colter attire. Dutch: My name is Ze....can't say that! He was Zeb Colter in an alternate universe and he's been in wrestling for over forty years. Colter has been all over the world and wrestling too him there. He's in love with professional wrestling and he doesn't know what he would do without it. TNA has been taken over by Impact Wrestling and now he's going to try to make it great (not great again mind you).
Mantell was here eight years ago and saw names like AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, Bobby Roode, Sting, Kurt Angle, Kevin Nash and Booker T. but they all slowly drifted away. Dutch talked to all these guys and they left because of a lack of leadership and vision. Then the fans left (he calls them paying customers, which is kind of a stretch) and the new owners knew the people had to come back. Mantell isn't an authority figure or a boss but rather someone giving advice. The people are his boss and he's wrapping it up by asking everyone to put their hand over their hearts and pledge to make Impact great (the old WE THE PEOPLE thing).
And now, the Hardys wrestle/box a kangaroo. The rest of the show being more serious really does show how stupid a lot of this seems. After Jeff escapes a headlock, it's time for an Expedition of Gold. They disappear....and we cut to Decay who now have the titles. Steve says the Hardys are now deleted, which suggests that they beat them off camera. It's not as good as just filming a quick title change but this is WAY better than stripping the Hardys of the belts and crowning new champions. WAY better.
JB announces Slammiversary on July 2, sending Josh into a rant about how Borash making the announcement will cut down the PPV sales.
Impact Wrestling World Title: Alberto El Patron vs. Lashley
Lashley is defending. Josh asks Pope if El Patron is going to be thrown off by the six sided ring but thankfully JB is there to say the six sided ring was invented in Mexico, meaning El Patron has a ton of experience. Pope gets in a good response by saying all the experience in the world doesn't matter when you're facing someone like Lashley. Nice little exchange there but it might be due to how horrible commentary has been all night.
Lashley takes him down in the corner to start and chokes with the boot before they head outside. Patron's few strikes don't work as Lashley knocks him outside again. A suplex gets two but it's too early for the spear as Alberto dropkicks him down. The cross armbreaker over the ropes has Lashley in trouble and here Ethan Carter III to watch. Back from a break with Alberto making his comeback, only to have the ref get bumped.
Del Rio gets the cross armbreaker as a second referee comes in. Lashley powerbombs his way out of the hold (Pope: HAYSTACKS CALHOUN WHAT A SLAM!) and gets two off a spinebuster. The second referee is bumped and Lashley hits a second spinebuster. Lashley goes to get the belt but Alberto knocks it into the champ's face for the pin and the title at 17:41.
The referees huddle and Lashley is livid as El Patron leaves to end the show. There's a good chance that's getting overturned.
Results
Reno Scum b. DCC Top rope double stomp to Bram
Braxton Sutter b. DJZ, Marshe Rockett and Caleb Konley Fisherman's neckbreaker to DJZ
Sienna b. Rachel Ellering Silencer
Alberto El Patron b. Lashley Belt to the head
Friday
Nothing.
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Nothing.
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
Kevin Owens b. Sami Zayn Pop Up Powerbomb
Neville b. Rich Swann Rings of Saturn
Anderson and Gallows b. Enzo Amore/Big Cass via DQ when Cesaro interfered
New Day b. Shining Stars Midnight Hour to Primo
Sasha Banks b. Bayley Bank Statement
Smackdown
Nikki Bella/John Cena b. Carmella/James Ellsworth Double STF's
Alexa Bliss/Mickie James b. Natalya/Becky Lynch Bliss pinned Lynch after a German suplex from Natalya
Randy Orton b. AJ Styles RKO
NXT
Andrade Cien Almas b. HoHo Lun Hammerlock DDT
Ember Moon b. Billie Kay Eclipse
Shinsuke Nakamura b. TJ Perkins Kinshasa
Impact Wrestling
Reno Scum b. DCC Top rope double stomp to Bram
Braxton Sutter b. DJZ, Marshe Rockett and Caleb Konley Fisherman's neckbreaker to DJZ
Sienna b. Rachel Ellering Silencer
Alberto El Patron b. Lashley Belt to the head