klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Smackdown got a 1.95.
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 5, 2012
Location: TD Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
We have four Raws to go before Wrestlemania and tonight's is star studded to say the least. We have Rock, HHH, Undertaker and Shawn scheduled to be on the show tonight so there's definitely an old school feel to it. Other than that I'd expect more build to the PPV as almost everything is set in stone by this point. That's probably a good thing though. Let's get to it.
Teddy Long is in charge tonight.
Here's Shawn to open the show. He says he loves hearing the HBK chant now because it allows him to catch his breath because he can't move around that well anymore. Shawn talks about how things got heated with him and HHH but that's all over because now the match is on. He asks HHH to come out here. Here's the Game and they hug. Shawn reminds HHH of all the things that he said last week and even said he called HHH a coward, somehow getting away with it.
Something must have changed HHH's mind and Shawn has to know what it was. HHH doesn't look happy. The fans chant for Undertaker. HHH starts to talk but Shawn cuts him off as he wants to see the moment HHH agreed to the match with his buddy. We see the clip and of HHH agreeing after Taker said Shawn is better. HHH starts to talk again but Shawn cuts him off. It was saying Shawn was better that set HHH off.
HHH says he left Shawn a voicemail about this but if we need to do this in front of the world so be it. HHH says this isn't about which of them is better. He's tired of hearing people talk about how Shawn couldn't get the job done. He's tired of people calling Shawn a failure who was never as good as he thought he was. HHH is his best friend and the guy that believes that Shawn is the best ever. HHH is going to end the Streak to shut those people up about Shawn. How would that shut them up exactly? Shawn is a little offended by this and says HHH will lose again. Oh, AND HE'S GUEST REFEREE.
US Title: Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella
Ace and Otunga come out almost immediately. Santino loads up the Cobra but Ace distracts, allowing Ziggler to interfere and Swagger hits the gutwrench powerbomb...for two? Cue Teddy with Kofi and we go to a break. The portion we saw lasted about a minute and I'm assuming it was thrown out. Amazingly enough it's not a tag match yet! Teddy and Ace get in a fight almost immediately as Ziggler interferes AGAIN. Kofi smacks him so Ziggler gets a Cobra. Vickie avoids one so Aksana gets in a fight with her. Santino counters the Cobra into the ankle lock as Teddy knocks Ace down. Santino counters the ankle lock into a rollup AND WINS THE TITLE AT 6:30!!!!! I'm legit shocked.
Ace freaks out but Teddy says this is his show and throws Ace out. Santino, Kofi, Aksana and Teddy all do the Trombone.
Rock is in Boston and he's got a history lesson for Cena. This is filmed on location earlier in the day. He talks about how the British were in people of Boston's faces every day. Then in 1773, the Boston people threw the tea in the ocean and called it the Boston Tea Party. So tonight, Rock is going to throw some of Cena's stuff in the ocean. He has a bunch of merchandise. “John Cena midget shorts. Who would buy these things? They're an insult to midgets. The John Cena garden gnome. There's a man somewhere with one of these in his garden. And he's a virgin.” Rock is coming to start the Rock Revolution tonight.
Eve Torres vs. Alicia Fox
Kelly is on commentary and talking about being nominated for a Kids' Choice Award. Rollup, 34 seconds.
Post match cue RYDER to a big pop. He can at least walk now. Broskis before Hoeskis.
Post break Eve tries to apologize to Ryder and kisses him. She walks off smiling and Ryder seems to fall for it.
We cut to earlier today with Cena alone in the arena. I've always liked shots like that. He talks about Wrestlemania and how it'll be full of moments. With everything that'll be happening, all eyes will be on two men and one match. He talks about how Boston is now being the city of champions after being the city of broken hearts for so long. Cena talks about them losing the Super Bowl to the Giants but no one remembers second place. If he loses, he's just another name in Rock's book. But if he wins, it's the biggest match ever and no one remembers second place.
CM Punk/Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan
Smackdown has made me loathe these main event style tags. You know, Bryan has looked like a complete afterthought in his feud. The two of them haven't interacted at all that I remember. They've probably been in the ring together a few times but it's been nothing significant. Jericho and Punk start and Chris is knocked to the corner very quickly. Off to Bryan and Sheamus with Sheamus beating on him like he stole something. Clothesline gets two.
Back to the starters with Jericho getting in a shot to the ribs which are still hurt from last week. We take a break and come back with Punk coming up out of a hold, only to get side slammed. They're really pushing the social media tonight, reading tweets from “fans”. Off to Sheamus who hits the Irish Curse for two on Jericho. Jericho gets his springboard dropkick to take over and Sheamus is down.
Jericho hooks a chinlock but misses a running knee in the corner. Double tag to Punk and Bryan and Punk springboards in, hurting his back in the process. He comes back with one arm though and manages to slam Bryan and hit the elbow. Everything breaks down and Sheamus loads up the Celtic Cross on Bryan but Jericho saves. I can't keep up with all this. Jericho goes for the Walls on Punk but Punk counters to a small package but Jericho counters into one of his own for the pin at 10:57.
Off to Paul Revere's statue. Rock wants to know what would happen if Cena was riding instead of Revere. We'd all be having tea and blessing the Queen. Rock would have to invent a time machine and go back to 1776 to beat up Cena. With the Flux Capacitor smoking, the Rock, 25% black, 25% Samoan and 50% Clydesdale, Ben Franklin would say forget you kite, THIS MAN invented electricity. We get Rock's version of Yankee Doodle involving a feather going into John Cena and calling it a jabroni. Hilarious stuff.
Big Show vs. The Miz
Miz immediately hits the floor and Cody is on the ramp. He says there's nothing worse than embarrassment. There's no clip this week, because at Mania 18, Show was at the WWE restaurant in New York instead of having a match. Miz jumps Show but is speared down and the WMD gets the pin at 2:00, about 1:40 of which was Cody talking/the clip.
Time for the third Rock history lesson. He's in front of the Massachusetts State House and talks about how the revolution lead to the birth of a new nation. The people have been waiting for ten years for Rock to overthrow John Cena and tonight, Rock is in the Garden.
Undertaker will confront Shawn next week.
Kane vs. R-Truth
Truth talks about Little Jimmy a bit before the match. Truth attacks him in the corner to start and gets beaten down quickly. He gets in a few punches but the axe kick misses. Chokeslam gets the pin at 1:23.
As soon as Kane does the corner fire, here's Orton. Truth grabs Kane's foot so Orton can hit the RKO. He wants a mic and says it's good to be back.
Here's Cena for the big closing number. He says the place is pumped and he knows why. The Rock is back. He means the real Rock, the one he needs to face at Wrestlemania. Rock has been giving history lessons all day and it's exciting. But if you get through all of the theatrics, what is Rock really saying? He's obsessed with breakfast cereal, he's obsessed with how Cena looks, he talks about whatever he calls his penis and talks about how many women he's slept with. Am I fighting Rock or Situation from Jersey Shore?
Last week Rock was shaken by what Cena said and that's never happened before. Cena says look at me. He looks ridiculous. He's wearing kneepads to talk to you people tonight, but this is what shook the Rock. But tonight Rock has his swagger back. He wants to see The Rock in this ring right now. Not Dwayne, but The Rock. Cue Rock and Cena is even more fired up.
Rock says he's never been shaken and unconfident. When you strip everything away, at the Rock's core, Rock is 6'4, 260lbs of man that is going to rip Cena's throat out. At Cena's core, he'll always be a little boy. And that's it? Rock leaves with that and Cena says that doesn't intimidate him one bit.
In a brilliant bit, Cena reads Rock's height and weight off his arm. Rock can rip his throat out and he's going to have to do just that to beat him. Cena says he'll make history at Wrestlemania when he wins and that's it. Cena dives into the fans to end the show. I'm assuming that's his family or something. He hugs his dad and apparently the rest of his family. Cena's wife is shown on camera and is really pretty.
Results
Santino Marella b. Jack Swagger – Rollup
Eve Torres b. Alicia Fox – Rollup
Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan b. CM Punk/Sheamus – Small package to Punk
Big Show b. The Miz – WMD
Kane b. R-Truth – Chokeslam
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.3, up from last week.
Smackdown will be live on April 10.
Wednesday
There may be a Hulk Hogan sex tape. Wow.
Ted DiBiase broke his ankle last night at the Smackdown tapings. No word on how long he'll be out.
Apparently Kharma's baby was never born and died in the womb. That's such a shame.
NXT
Date: March 7, 2012
Location: Mohegan Sun Casion, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Josh Matthews, William Regal
This is the real anniversary show as the season debuted on March 8, but as you know something like counting eludes WWE. Anyway, Regal is now in charge as the boss and Striker will continue on as host. The only confirmed match is Titus vs. Watson, which is a match we've seen and means that another character's story is going around in circles. Let's get to it.
We open with Striker in the ring to remind us that Regal has chosen the matches tonight. Regal gets in the ring to talk about tonight's show. He confirms the main event we already knew and here's Maxine. She keeps flirting with him and says she's looking forward to working underneath him. However Teddy makes Aksana vs....oh sorry wrong show. Anyway it's Maxine vs. Tamina next.
Maxine vs. Tamina Snuka
Maxine grabs what appears to be an octopus hold but Tamina drops back into a rollup. Tamina chases Maxine to the floor as Josh quotes Spider-Man. Regal goes into another long rant/song/poem that I don't recognize. He got stuck halfway through it which is understandable. Anyway, Maxine misses a charge and the Samoan Drop sets up the Superfly Splash for the pin at 3:00. Usual Divas match but a bit longer and not as annoying.
Here are Hawkins and Reks with something to say. Hawkins says he should have been made in charge of NXT but it's Regal instead. Reks says that Regal hasn't done anything and since he can't get it done in the ring anymore (just like Striker), they run their mouths and make matches. Regal says if they want to get back in the ring next week, he's got a job for them. He pulls out some brooms and says that after how they've treated the roster, they'll be whatever Regal wants them to be. Either do it, or they won't be getting matches. The fans chant at him to do the job. Hasn't he been doing that for years?
Yoshi Tatsu vs. Johnny Curtis
Yoshi sends him to the floor to start and we take a break with Curtis down on the outside. Back with Yoshi controlling in the ring. They go to the mat and Curtis takes over on the arm. Back up and Curtis suplexes him for two. Josh thinks Maxine likes Regal, because most people in this company don't get women that are evil anymore. They slug it out to give Curtis a small advantage, but Yoshi avoids a charge and chops away. A hard kick to the chest gets two. A big kick misses and Curtis rams Yoshi's arm into the buckle. They go to the corner where nothing happens, so Curtis hits a Falcon's Arrow for the pin at 6:17.
Speaking of things that aren't perfect, McGillicutty is looking at the tape of his win over Kidd last week with Striker. He's watched it multiple times and Kidd comes up. Kidd has been tweeting his rematch requests and tells McGillicutty to man up. Michael goes after him but takes a knee to the ribs to stop him.
Curtis rubs lotion on himself when Maxine comes up. She says she hates him but play along. Maxine kisses his ear when Bateman comes in. He wants to know where Kaitlyn is but they won't tell him. There's a mixed tag next week. Bateman is left alone when Curtis/Reks come up. Bateman leaves so Percy comes up to make unfunny janitor jokes.
Raw ReBound.
Jey Uso vs. Darren Young
All hail the new regime? Jimmy sits in on commentary. Jey controls early on but Young takes over with a powerslam. Backbreaker sets up the slingshot into the bottom rope for two. There's a body scissors and then Young really gets the crowd going with a reverse chinlock. Jimmy talks about how Samoans love to eat because it's how their culture celebrates. Regal wants to know if it winds up being a big Samoan fight and of course it does. See, FINALLY someone gets their racial stereotypes right. Jey makes his comeback but the running hip attack misses and Young rolls him up for the pin at 4:41.
Percy Watson vs. Titus O'Neil
Percy speeds things up to start but he tries to jump over Titus in the corner but lands on a boot. Titus yells about how he knows the rules and controls with power. Off to an abdominal stretch and then a chinlock. Watson makes his comeback with his usual stuff. The dropkick and backdrop set up the Heisman for two. Clash of the Titus is countered into the Persecution for the pin at 5:13.
Hawkins and Reks clear the ring and tell Regal that they're just getting started. Regal is mad to end the show.
Results
Tamina Snuka b. Maxine – Superfly Splash
Johnny Curtis b. Yoshi Tatsu – Falcon's Arrow
Darren Young b. Jey Uso – Rollup
Percy Watson b. Titus O'Neil – Persecution
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 8, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
If I remember right there's this show and then another before Victory Road. The majority of the card is already set and we should be getting more of Sting vs. Roode's build up tonight. I barely remember Impact from last week and that's probably not a good thing. As for the rest of the PPV the card is also set and I'm looking forward to Storm vs. Ray, which I didn't expect to happen. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of the Garrett/Eric situation.
Garrett arrives earlier today and isn't worried about what Flair said earlier today.
Immortal (yes they're really calling them that still) opens us up. It's Flair, Eric and Gunner if you're keeping track. There's going to be a tag match later, presumably Garrett and a partner vs. Flair/Gunner. Eric thanks Flair for threatening Garrett. Garrett is watching in the back. Oh Gunner has to pick a partner too. Here's Angle who apparently wants to be Gunner's partner. Eric is very enthusiastic about Angle wanting to be the partner. Angle says he hates Garrett because Garrett disrespects his dad. Hogan is out of the country apparently.
Sting is putting the makeup on in the back and talks to Roode. Eric Young comes in and Sting looks embarrassed. Eric wants to impress ODB so Sting calls him Bobby and gives ODB a shot at the Knockout Tag Titles. Her partner for the women's tag titles: Eric.
Knockout Tag Titles: Eric Young/ODB vs. Gail Kim/Madison Rayne
Eric starts with Gail but ODB tags herself in. Gail runs and is promptly clotheslined. Off to Madison who looks great in red. The champs work over ODB with some double teaming. Madison takes a clothesline to the ribs which was supposed to be a spear I think. Either way it allows the double tag and Eric locks up with the referee. Eric puts both girls in an airplane spin and ODB clotheslines them both down. There go Eric's pants and Madison hits Eric with a title, knocking him onto Gail for the pin and the titles at 5:48.
Eric proposes post match but we cut away before the answer.
Post break he actually asks (he was just on a knee with a ring before) and ODB says nothing. Instead she takes the ring and drops to her knee. Eric says yes.
Mr. Parks, presumably Abyss' dad (James Mitchell anyone?) arrived earlier. He looks like Penn Jillette.
Ray says Storm isn't making it to Lockdown.
Aries gets an e-mail from Sting saying Ion gets his title match tonight. “So why should they buy the PPV then?” The second biggest wrestling company in America ladies and gentlemen.
X-Division Title: Austin Aries vs. Zema Ion
Aries takes over to start and puts Ion on the mat, resulting in a lap around the ring. He Stuns Ion on the ropes then adds a hilo and elbow for two. Ion hits a spinning dive out of the corner and takes it to the floor. Ion sets for a dive to the floor but gets caught by a running Aries. He chops Ion to the floor but misses a dive. Back in Ion rakes the eyes and goes for his hairspray. The brainbuster is countered and we almost lose a referee. Ion misses the hairspray and Aries gets the can, spraying it in Ion's eyes for the DQ at 3:52.
Mr. Parks talks to Velvet and apparently he's Abyss' brother. The family is looking for Abyss and Velvet thinks it was kind of creepy.
Here's Ray to say that he's the guy who knocked Storm's brains out last week. He demands that Sting come out here and make him the #1 contender. Here's Sting who asks what Ray wants. Ray keeps saying Bobby Roode so Sting says.....ok and it's after the break. Ray is stunned but happy.
After a break, Sting says that this isn't a title match but I don't think Ray knows that.
Bully Ray vs. Bobby Roode
Ray yells a lot and they lock up. Roode grabs a headlock but a shoulder runs him over. The champ slaps Ray and looks all terrified. He fires off some kicks and elbows but walks into a backdrop and side slam for two. Ray wins a quick slugout but Roode hits something close to his Blockbuster for two. Bully makes a face comeback and hits a Rock Bottom for two. Big boot misses and Roode spears him down for two. Roode goes for the chain but Ray knocks Roode down in the corner. And here's Storm to chase Ray off. He superkicks Roode and it's thrown out at roughly 6:30.
Garrett is confident about his partner.
Abyss' brother talks to Morgan/Crimson but can't get any answers. They have the Robs tonight.
Crimson/Matt Morgan vs. Robbie T/Robbie T
They're in matching pink cardigans. This is for the #1 contendership. Crimson and Big Rob start and Crimson takes over. The referee gets distracted though and the clipboard goes upside Crimson's head to put him in peril. Big Rob poses too long, allowing Crimson to avoid a shot and bring in Morgan. House is cleaned, Carbon Footprint hits but Crimson tags himself in to steal the pin at 4:00.
AJ has a surprise for Kaz and Daniels.
Angle and Gunner aren't worried about Garrett and he's going to the hospital.
Here's AJ to a big reaction. He talks about the tenth anniversary coming up and how they're here because of the people. Daniels cuts him off and says he came back to stand by AJ's side. However that got him nowhere so he decided to make it about himself. Kaz says that AJ is talking about all of the people that have turned on him so Kaz says that maybe it's AJ that is the problem. That can't be though, because he's the Phenomenal AJ Styles so it COULDN'T be him right? AJ says Kaz is the reason he won't associate himself with friends anymore. Now he'll associate with a real....what's the word he's thinking of here?
Cue Anderson (now with his catchphrase instead of his name being shouted) to clear the ring. He's back.
Garrett's partner is ready.
From what I've seen, apparently Joe Parks is Abyss sans mask. I knew he looked familiar.
Gunner/Kurt Angle vs. Garrett Bischoff/???
It's Jeff Hardy, shocking no one. Garrett is in the main event for the first time. For those of you paying attention, he's now associated with Hogan, Flair, Sting, Angle and Hardy. Behold the power of nepotism people. Angle and Gunner jump them to start and it's Hardy vs. Angle to get us going. Hardy takes a beating but manages to get a clothesline to take Angle down for about 20 seconds.
Off to Gunner as Garrett can't get in yet. Back with Hardy taking a beating from Angle. Gunner comes in for a back elbow for two and it's off to Angle again. Anderson vs. Daniels next week. Out to the floor and Gunner rams Jeff into the steel. Back in Jeff dives for the corner but gets caught in an ankle lock. He makes the rope and Gunner comes back in with a suplex for two.
Gunner hooks a sleeper as we're running low on time. Jeff gets up and hits a Whisper in the Wind to put Gunner down but Angle distracts Garrett. It prevents a tag (kind of, as the referee wouldn't have been there anyway) and Angle pulls Jeff back into the corner. And never mind as Jeff makes the tag a second later anyway. Gunner cleans house and hits a falling Diamond Cutter (Angle lands the same but he would be on Garrett's back. Garrett fell forward if that makes more sense) on Kurt for two. Everything breaks down and the Swanton pins Kurt clean at 14:31.
Results
Eric Young/ODB b. Gail Kim/Madison Rayne – Eric fell on Gail after being hit with a title belt
Zema Ion b. Austin Aries via DQ when Aries sprayed hairspray in Ion's eyes
Bully Ray vs. Bobby Roode went to a no contest
Matt Morgan/Crimson b. Robbie E/Robbie T – Carbon Footprint to Robbie E
Friday
Impact got a 1.0, the same as last week. It was up slightly but still rounds to the same number.
Smackdown
Date: March 9, 2012
Location: Mohegan Sun Casion, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Booker T, Michael Cole
Johnny Ace is in charge tonight and if it's the same as when Teddy ran Raw on Monday, then we're in for a very uneventful night indeed. Other than that I don't think we have much else announced for tonight. Hopefully we get anything on the story for Sheamus vs. Bryan as we need any reason to care about them. Let's get to it.
The opening video is about Ace hosting tonight and implying he's out to steal the job permanently.
We open with a cage being lowered. Otunga and Ace are in the ring. Tonight we're starting with a championship match in a cage because Teddy has never done that.
US Title: Santino Marella vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger throws him into the corner and pounds Santino down followed by a modified powerslam for two. Clothesline gets two. This has been all Swagger in the first two minutes. Santino tries to escape but Swagger launches him face first into the steel. Santino comes back with some punches and his signature stuff. Headbutt gets two and here comes the Cobra. Ziggler tries to climb in so his hands get hit by the Cobra to knock him to the floor.
Swagger grabs Marella in a belly to back suplex but Santino hits the Cobra to escape and both guys are down. Ziggler is ejected and we take a break. Back with Santino taking a knee to the ribs to put him down. Swagger takes the Cobra glove off and throws it to the floor. Rollup gets one for Santino and a sunset flip gets two. Swagger throws him down and hits a Vader Bomb for two.
He tries to climb but gets crotched and covered for two. Santino gets most of the way over but Swagger saves and they're both back inside now. Santino comes back with a tornado DDT and crawls for the door. Santino kicks Swagger off and dives again but Swagger grabs the ankle lock. Vickie tries to slam the door on Santino's head but hits Swagger instead, allowing Santino to crawl out to retain at 7:33 shown of 11:03.
Teddy comes out to celebrate with Santino.
Teddy comes to see Ace/Otunga and doesn't want Aksana to have to face Kane. Ace enjoys seeing Teddy squirm and Teddy begs a bit. Ace proposes a match between himself and Teddy. If Ace loses, Aksana will face Kane. Ok then.
Shawn will confront Undertaker on Monday.
Here's Drew McIntyre in his gear. Is anyone surprised by this? Drew says that Ace will rehired him if he wins a match against a mystery opponent.
Drew McIntyre vs. Great Khali
And never mind as Otunga says Khali isn't in the match, so here's the real opponent.
Drew McIntyre vs. Hornswoggle
So why did Khali come out there at all? Horny is terrified despite regularly beating full sized guys before. Drew dominates him and keeps pulling him up after slams. The referee stops it at 1:39.
Khali chops Drew post match.
Aksana is scared for Teddy but he says it's ok.
Ace is warming up in a track suit.
Ezekiel Jackson vs. Mark Henry
So the word on the street is that Henry is in hot water for not being tough enough for working through his injuries, despite being out there almost every week working through his injuries. There's your lesson guys: don't work hard, don't enhance your character, don't work through injuries, or you might be in danger of being released. Slugout to start but Zeke gets beaten down quickly. Zeke comes back with the clotheslines in the corner but Henry runs him over again. World's Strongest Slam for the pin at 1:41. Well Jackson is moving up. Now he's getting squashed by bigger names.
John Laurinitis vs. Teddy Long
Remember if Teddy wins, it's Aksana vs. Kane. This gets big match intros. Ace grabs a mic after the bell rings and tries to talk Teddy out of this. Ace yells at Teddy to do the right thing and lay down, but Teddy won't do it. Aksana freaks so Ace waves down Kane. Orton runs through the crowd and RKOs Kane, allowing Teddy to roll Ace up at about 2:30. Is this company aware the Wrestlemania is in three weeks? So to clarify, as soon as Kane gets up, he has to face Aksana right? Right?
According to the announcers, Teddy did that because Kane has been taken out so there won't be a match. I'm as shocked as you are. Teddy and Aksana leave to have a nice dinner.
Kofi Kingston/R-Truth vs. Primo/Epico
Uh oh. Kofi was starting to get over as a legit guy again so we better put him in the black tag team of the month. Now the Kane vs. Aksana match isn't happening because Teddy and Aksana left. So why didn't Teddy just send Aksana away earlier in the night? Epico and Kofi start with Epico being monkey flipped to the corner. Off to Truth who dances around and hits a spinning legdrop for two.
Back to Kofi and Primo hooks the rope to send Kofi to the floor. Booker praises the cheating for being the right move. See, that's what most commentators are horrible at: being subtle. Things settle down a bit and it's Kofi in trouble against Primo. Kofi comes back with a knee to the head and there's the hot tag to Truth. Everything breaks down and the Little Jimmy gets the pin on Primo at 5:11.
Three minutes on Cena vs. Rock from Monday.
Here's Cole in the ring to talk to Sheamus and Bryan. Yes, they're actually talking about this match. Cole's first question is to Bryan, asking how much of a role luck has played in his title reign. Bryan says you don't need to be lucky when you're good like he is. Nothing has been luck in any of his accomplishments, which he lists off. It's been living a vegan lifestyle and scientific skill that has given him the title. That and charisma and sex appeal.
Sheamus says everyone needs a bit of luck. He's lucky to be from Ireland and to be in WWE and in America and in front of all these people here. You make your own luck however and Sheamus has fought his way here. He also hasn't hid behind a 99lb girl who looks like she should be in a Catholic schoolgirl uniform. AJ: “Well from my point of view...” Bryan: “AJ shut up.” Sheamus says Bryan should be wearing the skirt. At Wrestlemania, Bryan's luck runs out.
Sheamus/Randy Orton/Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes/Daniel Bryan/The Miz
The staredown got cut short for Cody's entrance, meaning once again this match gets like 3 minutes a week if it's lucky. Sheamus vs. Cody gets things going. Quickly off to Randy as we hear again about Legacy and their history together. Orton stomps him down but Cody gets in a dropkick and the tag to Bryan. Cole says he's starting to respect Bryan. Off to Big Show who throws the champion around a little bit more.
Bryan finally gets away and tags in his former NXT Pro. You know, in ancient history when NXT actually had a structure to it. Show throws Miz around too so Miz tags out to Cody. Cody comes in and tags out to Miz immediately. Show doesn't care and brings Miz back in as we take a break. Back with Sheamus pounding on Miz. Miz comes back with some lefts in the corner but Sheamus comes back with a rolling fireman's carry slam.
Off to Cody who gets the ten clubbing forearms in ropes. Miz finally gets in a shot to send him to the floor and Bryan adds the knee off the apron. Bryan vs. Sheamus now and Sheamus towers over him. Bryan keeps taking him down and strikes away with the knees and feet. Off to Miz who hits a running boot to the chest for two. Cody comes in as the heels are moving in and out well.
Back to Daniel who shouts YES with every kick in a funny bit. Miz hooks the chinlock and the knee to the back gets two. Here's Cody again (see how fast they're tagging?) as Cole makes fun of GI Bro. Celtic Cross out of nowhere is countered into a Russian legsweep for two. Irish Curse takes Cody down and there's the hot tag to Randy. Everything breaks down and Show stalks Cody up the ramp. Elevated DDT takes Miz down but Bryan avoids it. Sheamus LAUNCHES Bryan into the barricade and they fight into the crowd. The Finale is countered into an RKO for the pin at 10:39 shown of 14:09.
Kane comes out post match and pulls Orton out to the floor. Kane knocks him into the crowd (called the Universe by Cole to make me roll my eyes) and they fight up the steps to end the show.
Results
Santino Marella b. Jack Swagger – Marella escaped the cage
Drew McIntyre b. Hornswoggle due to referee stoppage
Mark Henry b. Ezekiel Jackson – World's Strongest Slam
Teddy Long b. John Laurinitis – Rollup
Kofi Kingston/R-Truth b. Primo/Epico – Little Jimmy to Primo
Randy Orton/Sheamus/Big Show b. The Miz/Cody Rhodes/Daniel Bryan – RKO to Miz
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
No Way Out is on the PPV schedule this year in the MITB spot.
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
Santino Marella b. Jack Swagger – Rollup
Eve Torres b. Alicia Fox – Rollup
Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan b. CM Punk/Sheamus – Small package to Punk
Big Show b. The Miz – WMD
Kane b. R-Truth – Chokeslam
NXT
Tamina Snuka b. Maxine – Superfly Splash
Johnny Curtis b. Yoshi Tatsu – Falcon's Arrow
Darren Young b. Jey Uso – Rollup
Percy Watson b. Titus O'Neil – Persecution
Impact Wrestling
Eric Young/ODB b. Gail Kim/Madison Rayne – Eric fell on Gail after being hit with a title belt
Zema Ion b. Austin Aries via DQ when Aries sprayed hairspray in Ion's eyes
Bully Ray vs. Bobby Roode went to a no contest
Matt Morgan/Crimson b. Robbie E/Robbie T – Carbon Footprint to Robbie E
Smackdown
Santino Marella b. Jack Swagger – Marella escaped the cage
Drew McIntyre b. Hornswoggle due to referee stoppage
Mark Henry b. Ezekiel Jackson – World's Strongest Slam
Teddy Long b. John Laurinitis – Rollup
Kofi Kingston/R-Truth b. Primo/Epico – Little Jimmy to Primo
Randy Orton/Sheamus/Big Show b. The Miz/Cody Rhodes/Daniel Bryan – RKO to Miz
Smackdown got a 1.95.
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 5, 2012
Location: TD Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
We have four Raws to go before Wrestlemania and tonight's is star studded to say the least. We have Rock, HHH, Undertaker and Shawn scheduled to be on the show tonight so there's definitely an old school feel to it. Other than that I'd expect more build to the PPV as almost everything is set in stone by this point. That's probably a good thing though. Let's get to it.
Teddy Long is in charge tonight.
Here's Shawn to open the show. He says he loves hearing the HBK chant now because it allows him to catch his breath because he can't move around that well anymore. Shawn talks about how things got heated with him and HHH but that's all over because now the match is on. He asks HHH to come out here. Here's the Game and they hug. Shawn reminds HHH of all the things that he said last week and even said he called HHH a coward, somehow getting away with it.
Something must have changed HHH's mind and Shawn has to know what it was. HHH doesn't look happy. The fans chant for Undertaker. HHH starts to talk but Shawn cuts him off as he wants to see the moment HHH agreed to the match with his buddy. We see the clip and of HHH agreeing after Taker said Shawn is better. HHH starts to talk again but Shawn cuts him off. It was saying Shawn was better that set HHH off.
HHH says he left Shawn a voicemail about this but if we need to do this in front of the world so be it. HHH says this isn't about which of them is better. He's tired of hearing people talk about how Shawn couldn't get the job done. He's tired of people calling Shawn a failure who was never as good as he thought he was. HHH is his best friend and the guy that believes that Shawn is the best ever. HHH is going to end the Streak to shut those people up about Shawn. How would that shut them up exactly? Shawn is a little offended by this and says HHH will lose again. Oh, AND HE'S GUEST REFEREE.
US Title: Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella
Ace and Otunga come out almost immediately. Santino loads up the Cobra but Ace distracts, allowing Ziggler to interfere and Swagger hits the gutwrench powerbomb...for two? Cue Teddy with Kofi and we go to a break. The portion we saw lasted about a minute and I'm assuming it was thrown out. Amazingly enough it's not a tag match yet! Teddy and Ace get in a fight almost immediately as Ziggler interferes AGAIN. Kofi smacks him so Ziggler gets a Cobra. Vickie avoids one so Aksana gets in a fight with her. Santino counters the Cobra into the ankle lock as Teddy knocks Ace down. Santino counters the ankle lock into a rollup AND WINS THE TITLE AT 6:30!!!!! I'm legit shocked.
Ace freaks out but Teddy says this is his show and throws Ace out. Santino, Kofi, Aksana and Teddy all do the Trombone.
Rock is in Boston and he's got a history lesson for Cena. This is filmed on location earlier in the day. He talks about how the British were in people of Boston's faces every day. Then in 1773, the Boston people threw the tea in the ocean and called it the Boston Tea Party. So tonight, Rock is going to throw some of Cena's stuff in the ocean. He has a bunch of merchandise. “John Cena midget shorts. Who would buy these things? They're an insult to midgets. The John Cena garden gnome. There's a man somewhere with one of these in his garden. And he's a virgin.” Rock is coming to start the Rock Revolution tonight.
Eve Torres vs. Alicia Fox
Kelly is on commentary and talking about being nominated for a Kids' Choice Award. Rollup, 34 seconds.
Post match cue RYDER to a big pop. He can at least walk now. Broskis before Hoeskis.
Post break Eve tries to apologize to Ryder and kisses him. She walks off smiling and Ryder seems to fall for it.
We cut to earlier today with Cena alone in the arena. I've always liked shots like that. He talks about Wrestlemania and how it'll be full of moments. With everything that'll be happening, all eyes will be on two men and one match. He talks about how Boston is now being the city of champions after being the city of broken hearts for so long. Cena talks about them losing the Super Bowl to the Giants but no one remembers second place. If he loses, he's just another name in Rock's book. But if he wins, it's the biggest match ever and no one remembers second place.
CM Punk/Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan
Smackdown has made me loathe these main event style tags. You know, Bryan has looked like a complete afterthought in his feud. The two of them haven't interacted at all that I remember. They've probably been in the ring together a few times but it's been nothing significant. Jericho and Punk start and Chris is knocked to the corner very quickly. Off to Bryan and Sheamus with Sheamus beating on him like he stole something. Clothesline gets two.
Back to the starters with Jericho getting in a shot to the ribs which are still hurt from last week. We take a break and come back with Punk coming up out of a hold, only to get side slammed. They're really pushing the social media tonight, reading tweets from “fans”. Off to Sheamus who hits the Irish Curse for two on Jericho. Jericho gets his springboard dropkick to take over and Sheamus is down.
Jericho hooks a chinlock but misses a running knee in the corner. Double tag to Punk and Bryan and Punk springboards in, hurting his back in the process. He comes back with one arm though and manages to slam Bryan and hit the elbow. Everything breaks down and Sheamus loads up the Celtic Cross on Bryan but Jericho saves. I can't keep up with all this. Jericho goes for the Walls on Punk but Punk counters to a small package but Jericho counters into one of his own for the pin at 10:57.
Off to Paul Revere's statue. Rock wants to know what would happen if Cena was riding instead of Revere. We'd all be having tea and blessing the Queen. Rock would have to invent a time machine and go back to 1776 to beat up Cena. With the Flux Capacitor smoking, the Rock, 25% black, 25% Samoan and 50% Clydesdale, Ben Franklin would say forget you kite, THIS MAN invented electricity. We get Rock's version of Yankee Doodle involving a feather going into John Cena and calling it a jabroni. Hilarious stuff.
Big Show vs. The Miz
Miz immediately hits the floor and Cody is on the ramp. He says there's nothing worse than embarrassment. There's no clip this week, because at Mania 18, Show was at the WWE restaurant in New York instead of having a match. Miz jumps Show but is speared down and the WMD gets the pin at 2:00, about 1:40 of which was Cody talking/the clip.
Time for the third Rock history lesson. He's in front of the Massachusetts State House and talks about how the revolution lead to the birth of a new nation. The people have been waiting for ten years for Rock to overthrow John Cena and tonight, Rock is in the Garden.
Undertaker will confront Shawn next week.
Kane vs. R-Truth
Truth talks about Little Jimmy a bit before the match. Truth attacks him in the corner to start and gets beaten down quickly. He gets in a few punches but the axe kick misses. Chokeslam gets the pin at 1:23.
As soon as Kane does the corner fire, here's Orton. Truth grabs Kane's foot so Orton can hit the RKO. He wants a mic and says it's good to be back.
Here's Cena for the big closing number. He says the place is pumped and he knows why. The Rock is back. He means the real Rock, the one he needs to face at Wrestlemania. Rock has been giving history lessons all day and it's exciting. But if you get through all of the theatrics, what is Rock really saying? He's obsessed with breakfast cereal, he's obsessed with how Cena looks, he talks about whatever he calls his penis and talks about how many women he's slept with. Am I fighting Rock or Situation from Jersey Shore?
Last week Rock was shaken by what Cena said and that's never happened before. Cena says look at me. He looks ridiculous. He's wearing kneepads to talk to you people tonight, but this is what shook the Rock. But tonight Rock has his swagger back. He wants to see The Rock in this ring right now. Not Dwayne, but The Rock. Cue Rock and Cena is even more fired up.
Rock says he's never been shaken and unconfident. When you strip everything away, at the Rock's core, Rock is 6'4, 260lbs of man that is going to rip Cena's throat out. At Cena's core, he'll always be a little boy. And that's it? Rock leaves with that and Cena says that doesn't intimidate him one bit.
In a brilliant bit, Cena reads Rock's height and weight off his arm. Rock can rip his throat out and he's going to have to do just that to beat him. Cena says he'll make history at Wrestlemania when he wins and that's it. Cena dives into the fans to end the show. I'm assuming that's his family or something. He hugs his dad and apparently the rest of his family. Cena's wife is shown on camera and is really pretty.
Results
Santino Marella b. Jack Swagger – Rollup
Eve Torres b. Alicia Fox – Rollup
Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan b. CM Punk/Sheamus – Small package to Punk
Big Show b. The Miz – WMD
Kane b. R-Truth – Chokeslam
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.3, up from last week.
Smackdown will be live on April 10.
Wednesday
There may be a Hulk Hogan sex tape. Wow.
Ted DiBiase broke his ankle last night at the Smackdown tapings. No word on how long he'll be out.
Apparently Kharma's baby was never born and died in the womb. That's such a shame.
NXT
Date: March 7, 2012
Location: Mohegan Sun Casion, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Josh Matthews, William Regal
This is the real anniversary show as the season debuted on March 8, but as you know something like counting eludes WWE. Anyway, Regal is now in charge as the boss and Striker will continue on as host. The only confirmed match is Titus vs. Watson, which is a match we've seen and means that another character's story is going around in circles. Let's get to it.
We open with Striker in the ring to remind us that Regal has chosen the matches tonight. Regal gets in the ring to talk about tonight's show. He confirms the main event we already knew and here's Maxine. She keeps flirting with him and says she's looking forward to working underneath him. However Teddy makes Aksana vs....oh sorry wrong show. Anyway it's Maxine vs. Tamina next.
Maxine vs. Tamina Snuka
Maxine grabs what appears to be an octopus hold but Tamina drops back into a rollup. Tamina chases Maxine to the floor as Josh quotes Spider-Man. Regal goes into another long rant/song/poem that I don't recognize. He got stuck halfway through it which is understandable. Anyway, Maxine misses a charge and the Samoan Drop sets up the Superfly Splash for the pin at 3:00. Usual Divas match but a bit longer and not as annoying.
Here are Hawkins and Reks with something to say. Hawkins says he should have been made in charge of NXT but it's Regal instead. Reks says that Regal hasn't done anything and since he can't get it done in the ring anymore (just like Striker), they run their mouths and make matches. Regal says if they want to get back in the ring next week, he's got a job for them. He pulls out some brooms and says that after how they've treated the roster, they'll be whatever Regal wants them to be. Either do it, or they won't be getting matches. The fans chant at him to do the job. Hasn't he been doing that for years?
Yoshi Tatsu vs. Johnny Curtis
Yoshi sends him to the floor to start and we take a break with Curtis down on the outside. Back with Yoshi controlling in the ring. They go to the mat and Curtis takes over on the arm. Back up and Curtis suplexes him for two. Josh thinks Maxine likes Regal, because most people in this company don't get women that are evil anymore. They slug it out to give Curtis a small advantage, but Yoshi avoids a charge and chops away. A hard kick to the chest gets two. A big kick misses and Curtis rams Yoshi's arm into the buckle. They go to the corner where nothing happens, so Curtis hits a Falcon's Arrow for the pin at 6:17.
Speaking of things that aren't perfect, McGillicutty is looking at the tape of his win over Kidd last week with Striker. He's watched it multiple times and Kidd comes up. Kidd has been tweeting his rematch requests and tells McGillicutty to man up. Michael goes after him but takes a knee to the ribs to stop him.
Curtis rubs lotion on himself when Maxine comes up. She says she hates him but play along. Maxine kisses his ear when Bateman comes in. He wants to know where Kaitlyn is but they won't tell him. There's a mixed tag next week. Bateman is left alone when Curtis/Reks come up. Bateman leaves so Percy comes up to make unfunny janitor jokes.
Raw ReBound.
Jey Uso vs. Darren Young
All hail the new regime? Jimmy sits in on commentary. Jey controls early on but Young takes over with a powerslam. Backbreaker sets up the slingshot into the bottom rope for two. There's a body scissors and then Young really gets the crowd going with a reverse chinlock. Jimmy talks about how Samoans love to eat because it's how their culture celebrates. Regal wants to know if it winds up being a big Samoan fight and of course it does. See, FINALLY someone gets their racial stereotypes right. Jey makes his comeback but the running hip attack misses and Young rolls him up for the pin at 4:41.
Percy Watson vs. Titus O'Neil
Percy speeds things up to start but he tries to jump over Titus in the corner but lands on a boot. Titus yells about how he knows the rules and controls with power. Off to an abdominal stretch and then a chinlock. Watson makes his comeback with his usual stuff. The dropkick and backdrop set up the Heisman for two. Clash of the Titus is countered into the Persecution for the pin at 5:13.
Hawkins and Reks clear the ring and tell Regal that they're just getting started. Regal is mad to end the show.
Results
Tamina Snuka b. Maxine – Superfly Splash
Johnny Curtis b. Yoshi Tatsu – Falcon's Arrow
Darren Young b. Jey Uso – Rollup
Percy Watson b. Titus O'Neil – Persecution
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 8, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
If I remember right there's this show and then another before Victory Road. The majority of the card is already set and we should be getting more of Sting vs. Roode's build up tonight. I barely remember Impact from last week and that's probably not a good thing. As for the rest of the PPV the card is also set and I'm looking forward to Storm vs. Ray, which I didn't expect to happen. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of the Garrett/Eric situation.
Garrett arrives earlier today and isn't worried about what Flair said earlier today.
Immortal (yes they're really calling them that still) opens us up. It's Flair, Eric and Gunner if you're keeping track. There's going to be a tag match later, presumably Garrett and a partner vs. Flair/Gunner. Eric thanks Flair for threatening Garrett. Garrett is watching in the back. Oh Gunner has to pick a partner too. Here's Angle who apparently wants to be Gunner's partner. Eric is very enthusiastic about Angle wanting to be the partner. Angle says he hates Garrett because Garrett disrespects his dad. Hogan is out of the country apparently.
Sting is putting the makeup on in the back and talks to Roode. Eric Young comes in and Sting looks embarrassed. Eric wants to impress ODB so Sting calls him Bobby and gives ODB a shot at the Knockout Tag Titles. Her partner for the women's tag titles: Eric.
Knockout Tag Titles: Eric Young/ODB vs. Gail Kim/Madison Rayne
Eric starts with Gail but ODB tags herself in. Gail runs and is promptly clotheslined. Off to Madison who looks great in red. The champs work over ODB with some double teaming. Madison takes a clothesline to the ribs which was supposed to be a spear I think. Either way it allows the double tag and Eric locks up with the referee. Eric puts both girls in an airplane spin and ODB clotheslines them both down. There go Eric's pants and Madison hits Eric with a title, knocking him onto Gail for the pin and the titles at 5:48.
Eric proposes post match but we cut away before the answer.
Post break he actually asks (he was just on a knee with a ring before) and ODB says nothing. Instead she takes the ring and drops to her knee. Eric says yes.
Mr. Parks, presumably Abyss' dad (James Mitchell anyone?) arrived earlier. He looks like Penn Jillette.
Ray says Storm isn't making it to Lockdown.
Aries gets an e-mail from Sting saying Ion gets his title match tonight. “So why should they buy the PPV then?” The second biggest wrestling company in America ladies and gentlemen.
X-Division Title: Austin Aries vs. Zema Ion
Aries takes over to start and puts Ion on the mat, resulting in a lap around the ring. He Stuns Ion on the ropes then adds a hilo and elbow for two. Ion hits a spinning dive out of the corner and takes it to the floor. Ion sets for a dive to the floor but gets caught by a running Aries. He chops Ion to the floor but misses a dive. Back in Ion rakes the eyes and goes for his hairspray. The brainbuster is countered and we almost lose a referee. Ion misses the hairspray and Aries gets the can, spraying it in Ion's eyes for the DQ at 3:52.
Mr. Parks talks to Velvet and apparently he's Abyss' brother. The family is looking for Abyss and Velvet thinks it was kind of creepy.
Here's Ray to say that he's the guy who knocked Storm's brains out last week. He demands that Sting come out here and make him the #1 contender. Here's Sting who asks what Ray wants. Ray keeps saying Bobby Roode so Sting says.....ok and it's after the break. Ray is stunned but happy.
After a break, Sting says that this isn't a title match but I don't think Ray knows that.
Bully Ray vs. Bobby Roode
Ray yells a lot and they lock up. Roode grabs a headlock but a shoulder runs him over. The champ slaps Ray and looks all terrified. He fires off some kicks and elbows but walks into a backdrop and side slam for two. Ray wins a quick slugout but Roode hits something close to his Blockbuster for two. Bully makes a face comeback and hits a Rock Bottom for two. Big boot misses and Roode spears him down for two. Roode goes for the chain but Ray knocks Roode down in the corner. And here's Storm to chase Ray off. He superkicks Roode and it's thrown out at roughly 6:30.
Garrett is confident about his partner.
Abyss' brother talks to Morgan/Crimson but can't get any answers. They have the Robs tonight.
Crimson/Matt Morgan vs. Robbie T/Robbie T
They're in matching pink cardigans. This is for the #1 contendership. Crimson and Big Rob start and Crimson takes over. The referee gets distracted though and the clipboard goes upside Crimson's head to put him in peril. Big Rob poses too long, allowing Crimson to avoid a shot and bring in Morgan. House is cleaned, Carbon Footprint hits but Crimson tags himself in to steal the pin at 4:00.
AJ has a surprise for Kaz and Daniels.
Angle and Gunner aren't worried about Garrett and he's going to the hospital.
Here's AJ to a big reaction. He talks about the tenth anniversary coming up and how they're here because of the people. Daniels cuts him off and says he came back to stand by AJ's side. However that got him nowhere so he decided to make it about himself. Kaz says that AJ is talking about all of the people that have turned on him so Kaz says that maybe it's AJ that is the problem. That can't be though, because he's the Phenomenal AJ Styles so it COULDN'T be him right? AJ says Kaz is the reason he won't associate himself with friends anymore. Now he'll associate with a real....what's the word he's thinking of here?
Cue Anderson (now with his catchphrase instead of his name being shouted) to clear the ring. He's back.
Garrett's partner is ready.
From what I've seen, apparently Joe Parks is Abyss sans mask. I knew he looked familiar.
Gunner/Kurt Angle vs. Garrett Bischoff/???
It's Jeff Hardy, shocking no one. Garrett is in the main event for the first time. For those of you paying attention, he's now associated with Hogan, Flair, Sting, Angle and Hardy. Behold the power of nepotism people. Angle and Gunner jump them to start and it's Hardy vs. Angle to get us going. Hardy takes a beating but manages to get a clothesline to take Angle down for about 20 seconds.
Off to Gunner as Garrett can't get in yet. Back with Hardy taking a beating from Angle. Gunner comes in for a back elbow for two and it's off to Angle again. Anderson vs. Daniels next week. Out to the floor and Gunner rams Jeff into the steel. Back in Jeff dives for the corner but gets caught in an ankle lock. He makes the rope and Gunner comes back in with a suplex for two.
Gunner hooks a sleeper as we're running low on time. Jeff gets up and hits a Whisper in the Wind to put Gunner down but Angle distracts Garrett. It prevents a tag (kind of, as the referee wouldn't have been there anyway) and Angle pulls Jeff back into the corner. And never mind as Jeff makes the tag a second later anyway. Gunner cleans house and hits a falling Diamond Cutter (Angle lands the same but he would be on Garrett's back. Garrett fell forward if that makes more sense) on Kurt for two. Everything breaks down and the Swanton pins Kurt clean at 14:31.
Results
Eric Young/ODB b. Gail Kim/Madison Rayne – Eric fell on Gail after being hit with a title belt
Zema Ion b. Austin Aries via DQ when Aries sprayed hairspray in Ion's eyes
Bully Ray vs. Bobby Roode went to a no contest
Matt Morgan/Crimson b. Robbie E/Robbie T – Carbon Footprint to Robbie E
Friday
Impact got a 1.0, the same as last week. It was up slightly but still rounds to the same number.
Smackdown
Date: March 9, 2012
Location: Mohegan Sun Casion, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Booker T, Michael Cole
Johnny Ace is in charge tonight and if it's the same as when Teddy ran Raw on Monday, then we're in for a very uneventful night indeed. Other than that I don't think we have much else announced for tonight. Hopefully we get anything on the story for Sheamus vs. Bryan as we need any reason to care about them. Let's get to it.
The opening video is about Ace hosting tonight and implying he's out to steal the job permanently.
We open with a cage being lowered. Otunga and Ace are in the ring. Tonight we're starting with a championship match in a cage because Teddy has never done that.
US Title: Santino Marella vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger throws him into the corner and pounds Santino down followed by a modified powerslam for two. Clothesline gets two. This has been all Swagger in the first two minutes. Santino tries to escape but Swagger launches him face first into the steel. Santino comes back with some punches and his signature stuff. Headbutt gets two and here comes the Cobra. Ziggler tries to climb in so his hands get hit by the Cobra to knock him to the floor.
Swagger grabs Marella in a belly to back suplex but Santino hits the Cobra to escape and both guys are down. Ziggler is ejected and we take a break. Back with Santino taking a knee to the ribs to put him down. Swagger takes the Cobra glove off and throws it to the floor. Rollup gets one for Santino and a sunset flip gets two. Swagger throws him down and hits a Vader Bomb for two.
He tries to climb but gets crotched and covered for two. Santino gets most of the way over but Swagger saves and they're both back inside now. Santino comes back with a tornado DDT and crawls for the door. Santino kicks Swagger off and dives again but Swagger grabs the ankle lock. Vickie tries to slam the door on Santino's head but hits Swagger instead, allowing Santino to crawl out to retain at 7:33 shown of 11:03.
Teddy comes out to celebrate with Santino.
Teddy comes to see Ace/Otunga and doesn't want Aksana to have to face Kane. Ace enjoys seeing Teddy squirm and Teddy begs a bit. Ace proposes a match between himself and Teddy. If Ace loses, Aksana will face Kane. Ok then.
Shawn will confront Undertaker on Monday.
Here's Drew McIntyre in his gear. Is anyone surprised by this? Drew says that Ace will rehired him if he wins a match against a mystery opponent.
Drew McIntyre vs. Great Khali
And never mind as Otunga says Khali isn't in the match, so here's the real opponent.
Drew McIntyre vs. Hornswoggle
So why did Khali come out there at all? Horny is terrified despite regularly beating full sized guys before. Drew dominates him and keeps pulling him up after slams. The referee stops it at 1:39.
Khali chops Drew post match.
Aksana is scared for Teddy but he says it's ok.
Ace is warming up in a track suit.
Ezekiel Jackson vs. Mark Henry
So the word on the street is that Henry is in hot water for not being tough enough for working through his injuries, despite being out there almost every week working through his injuries. There's your lesson guys: don't work hard, don't enhance your character, don't work through injuries, or you might be in danger of being released. Slugout to start but Zeke gets beaten down quickly. Zeke comes back with the clotheslines in the corner but Henry runs him over again. World's Strongest Slam for the pin at 1:41. Well Jackson is moving up. Now he's getting squashed by bigger names.
John Laurinitis vs. Teddy Long
Remember if Teddy wins, it's Aksana vs. Kane. This gets big match intros. Ace grabs a mic after the bell rings and tries to talk Teddy out of this. Ace yells at Teddy to do the right thing and lay down, but Teddy won't do it. Aksana freaks so Ace waves down Kane. Orton runs through the crowd and RKOs Kane, allowing Teddy to roll Ace up at about 2:30. Is this company aware the Wrestlemania is in three weeks? So to clarify, as soon as Kane gets up, he has to face Aksana right? Right?
According to the announcers, Teddy did that because Kane has been taken out so there won't be a match. I'm as shocked as you are. Teddy and Aksana leave to have a nice dinner.
Kofi Kingston/R-Truth vs. Primo/Epico
Uh oh. Kofi was starting to get over as a legit guy again so we better put him in the black tag team of the month. Now the Kane vs. Aksana match isn't happening because Teddy and Aksana left. So why didn't Teddy just send Aksana away earlier in the night? Epico and Kofi start with Epico being monkey flipped to the corner. Off to Truth who dances around and hits a spinning legdrop for two.
Back to Kofi and Primo hooks the rope to send Kofi to the floor. Booker praises the cheating for being the right move. See, that's what most commentators are horrible at: being subtle. Things settle down a bit and it's Kofi in trouble against Primo. Kofi comes back with a knee to the head and there's the hot tag to Truth. Everything breaks down and the Little Jimmy gets the pin on Primo at 5:11.
Three minutes on Cena vs. Rock from Monday.
Here's Cole in the ring to talk to Sheamus and Bryan. Yes, they're actually talking about this match. Cole's first question is to Bryan, asking how much of a role luck has played in his title reign. Bryan says you don't need to be lucky when you're good like he is. Nothing has been luck in any of his accomplishments, which he lists off. It's been living a vegan lifestyle and scientific skill that has given him the title. That and charisma and sex appeal.
Sheamus says everyone needs a bit of luck. He's lucky to be from Ireland and to be in WWE and in America and in front of all these people here. You make your own luck however and Sheamus has fought his way here. He also hasn't hid behind a 99lb girl who looks like she should be in a Catholic schoolgirl uniform. AJ: “Well from my point of view...” Bryan: “AJ shut up.” Sheamus says Bryan should be wearing the skirt. At Wrestlemania, Bryan's luck runs out.
Sheamus/Randy Orton/Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes/Daniel Bryan/The Miz
The staredown got cut short for Cody's entrance, meaning once again this match gets like 3 minutes a week if it's lucky. Sheamus vs. Cody gets things going. Quickly off to Randy as we hear again about Legacy and their history together. Orton stomps him down but Cody gets in a dropkick and the tag to Bryan. Cole says he's starting to respect Bryan. Off to Big Show who throws the champion around a little bit more.
Bryan finally gets away and tags in his former NXT Pro. You know, in ancient history when NXT actually had a structure to it. Show throws Miz around too so Miz tags out to Cody. Cody comes in and tags out to Miz immediately. Show doesn't care and brings Miz back in as we take a break. Back with Sheamus pounding on Miz. Miz comes back with some lefts in the corner but Sheamus comes back with a rolling fireman's carry slam.
Off to Cody who gets the ten clubbing forearms in ropes. Miz finally gets in a shot to send him to the floor and Bryan adds the knee off the apron. Bryan vs. Sheamus now and Sheamus towers over him. Bryan keeps taking him down and strikes away with the knees and feet. Off to Miz who hits a running boot to the chest for two. Cody comes in as the heels are moving in and out well.
Back to Daniel who shouts YES with every kick in a funny bit. Miz hooks the chinlock and the knee to the back gets two. Here's Cody again (see how fast they're tagging?) as Cole makes fun of GI Bro. Celtic Cross out of nowhere is countered into a Russian legsweep for two. Irish Curse takes Cody down and there's the hot tag to Randy. Everything breaks down and Show stalks Cody up the ramp. Elevated DDT takes Miz down but Bryan avoids it. Sheamus LAUNCHES Bryan into the barricade and they fight into the crowd. The Finale is countered into an RKO for the pin at 10:39 shown of 14:09.
Kane comes out post match and pulls Orton out to the floor. Kane knocks him into the crowd (called the Universe by Cole to make me roll my eyes) and they fight up the steps to end the show.
Results
Santino Marella b. Jack Swagger – Marella escaped the cage
Drew McIntyre b. Hornswoggle due to referee stoppage
Mark Henry b. Ezekiel Jackson – World's Strongest Slam
Teddy Long b. John Laurinitis – Rollup
Kofi Kingston/R-Truth b. Primo/Epico – Little Jimmy to Primo
Randy Orton/Sheamus/Big Show b. The Miz/Cody Rhodes/Daniel Bryan – RKO to Miz
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
No Way Out is on the PPV schedule this year in the MITB spot.
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
Santino Marella b. Jack Swagger – Rollup
Eve Torres b. Alicia Fox – Rollup
Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan b. CM Punk/Sheamus – Small package to Punk
Big Show b. The Miz – WMD
Kane b. R-Truth – Chokeslam
NXT
Tamina Snuka b. Maxine – Superfly Splash
Johnny Curtis b. Yoshi Tatsu – Falcon's Arrow
Darren Young b. Jey Uso – Rollup
Percy Watson b. Titus O'Neil – Persecution
Impact Wrestling
Eric Young/ODB b. Gail Kim/Madison Rayne – Eric fell on Gail after being hit with a title belt
Zema Ion b. Austin Aries via DQ when Aries sprayed hairspray in Ion's eyes
Bully Ray vs. Bobby Roode went to a no contest
Matt Morgan/Crimson b. Robbie E/Robbie T – Carbon Footprint to Robbie E
Smackdown
Santino Marella b. Jack Swagger – Marella escaped the cage
Drew McIntyre b. Hornswoggle due to referee stoppage
Mark Henry b. Ezekiel Jackson – World's Strongest Slam
Teddy Long b. John Laurinitis – Rollup
Kofi Kingston/R-Truth b. Primo/Epico – Little Jimmy to Primo
Randy Orton/Sheamus/Big Show b. The Miz/Cody Rhodes/Daniel Bryan – RKO to Miz