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Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 26, 2018
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman
We’ve got two shows to go before New Orleans and WWE is still dragging its feet to get to John Cena vs. the Undertaker. Tonight we have Cena vs. Kane though, which is likely the next step on the way to the big showdown. Other than that, we might get a few more names added to the battle royals. Let’s get to it.
Here are Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman to open things up. Heyman recaps the attack on Roman Reigns last week and of course we see some clips. As it turns out, Reigns’ suspension is lifted but he’s not here tonight. Heyman goes over the Samoan wrestling family raising Roman to be a star and a champion. What they didn’t raise him to be is a man.
Reigns was the one saying he was here every single week no matter what but he’s not here tonight. Maybe Reigns should have found three MMA students, dressed them up like US Marshals and beaten the heck out of them before starting a fight with Lesnar. Reigns isn’t man enough to do that though, nor is he man enough to show up here and take another beating from Brock.
Heyman loads up the end but Reigns is in the crowd. He comes out swinging with a chair and gets in a few shots but Brock runs him over. A HARD shot to the face with the steps puts Reigns down and Brock lays him out with the chair. Brock goes to leave but comes back with an F5 onto the steps. Reigns is left laying, again. The story they’re telling here is good, but Reigns not even missing a single show isn’t helping. That and the fans don’t want to cheer for Reigns and there isn’t much of a way around that problem.
Nia Jax vs. Mickie James
Nia knocks her to the floor in short order and we take a break. Back with Jax stomping away in the corner and Mickie bailing to the floor. Alexa Bliss offers a distraction and a chop block takes Nia down. Back in and a hard slam looks to set up the legdrop but Nia only hits mat. A running kick to the face drops Nia again and a missed charge makes things even worse. Mickie kicks the knee out and goes up top, earning herself a gorilla press into a Samoan drop for the pin at 7:05.
Post match Alexa gets in a cheap shot but the glare in response sends her running.
We get a package on Ronda Rousey’s WWE career with HHH and Stephanie McMahon adding in sitdown comments. HHH says this could have been a perfect employee but Rousey and Angle had to run their mouths. We see them training and hear from the Performance Center coach who talks about how hard they train all the time. Stephanie is ready for anything and HHH never stops training.
See, Rousey is coming into a ring that Stephanie owns because she’s wrestled before. At Wrestlemania, Rousey will be humbled like everyone else that has come at the Authority. Good stuff here, but if they even think about having Stephanie be competitive against Rousey on an even remotely even playing field, they’re dumber than I thought.
Cedric Alexander/Mustafa Ali vs. TJP/Drew Gulak
Joined in progress with Ali in trouble and 205 Live General Manager Drake Maverick on commentary. Gulak gets two off a neckbreaker but Ali fights out of the chinlock and makes the hot tag to Alexander. Everything breaks down in short order and Ali hits a huge flip dive onto Gulak. Back in and Cedric hits the Neuralizer with Ali making a blind tag. The Lumbar Check sets up the 054 for the pin on TJP at 4:02. Cedric isn’t happy with the blind tag.
It’s time for MizTV and the fans give Miz a WELCOME HOME chant. Miz: “I live in LA.” Miz wants to talk about some personal issues and that means the Miztourage. They seem to think things have been going well for them but Miz isn’t so pleased. For two weeks in a row they’ve let him down and that’s not acceptable. If Miz wanted failure, he never would have left Cleveland. Dallas says they’re doing everything they can but Miz tells him to Bo-Lieve himself back to catering.
Cue Seth Rollins to say that for the first time on MizTV, this is great stuff. Seth offers to mediate and asks when was the last time Miz thanked Dallas and Axel. Miz goes on a rant about himself and Bo calls him a phony A-lister who can’t fight. For some reason Miz couldn’t hear that so here’s Finn Balor to interrupt. He heard what Bo said: Miz was the biggest jerk that he’s ever met. Dallas repeats what he actually said and then realizes that he might have screwed up a little.
Miz wants to hear him say that again and the fight is almost on. That calms Miz down as he says this should be all about him retaining the title for 34 more days. If Miz reaches that milestone, he’ll be the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time. He’ll be better than Randy Savage, Shawn Michaels and Mr. Perfect. That’s a step too far for Axel (big Shawn fan), who stands next to Dallas. Again, reality sets in so Miz cancels the show to the fans’ delight.
The Miztourage won’t let him leave though as Rollins and Balor are very pleased. The four of them surround Miz and of course it’s a ruse with the Miztourage jumping Balor and Rollins. Cue Anderson and Gallows for the save, leaving Miz alone with Balor. A belt shot misses and Balor hits a Sling Blade but Rollins can’t hit the curb stomp. Balor and Rollins get in a fight over the title as Miz tries a sneak attack. That goes badly for him as well, allowing Balor to take Rollins down. Good segment here, and thank goodness they didn’t make it a five way.
Kane is ready to destroy Cena tonight because Cena isn’t going to Wrestlemania.
Asuka vs. Jamie Frost
Jamie says Asuka doesn’t know her so she’s not ready. Kick to the face ends Frost at 32 seconds.
We hear about Cole apologizing in advance for the Ultimate Deletion. Matt Hardy has since referred to him as an obsolete mule.
Stills of the Ultimate Deletion.
Matt talks about Bray Wyatt’s tyrannical reign being replaced by Senor Benjamin’s spring daisies. Now Matt needs to set his sights on Wrestlemania by honoring the legacy of “amazing world wonder number eight” by entering the battle royal. Everyone else will be DELETED.
Cole: “That was OBNOXIOUS!”
Sasha Banks and Bayley are in the back with Bayley saying she’s in the battle royal. Banks wants to talk about last week so Bayley rants about how Banks thinks she’s the best thing in the world. That’s true, and Banks isn’t making any apologies for it. Maybe Bayley should do the same so everyone doesn’t think she’s a loser. Bayley thinks Sasha is doing it because everyone knows she can’t beat her.
Sasha is a four time Women’s Champion but Bayley asks how long she kept it. Those are fighting words and it’s on with Sasha getting the better of it until referees break things up. More horrible acting, as you can tell they were just reading a script. How hard can it be to say “you’re mad at each other because Sasha can’t beat Bayley, go bicker with each other for a minute”? If they don’t have any more faith in them than that, don’t give them live microphones.
Braun Strowman comes out for a match but here’s the Bar to demand to know Strowman’s partner. Strowman will tell them if Sheamus can beat him. Maybe they’ll get an answer, but they’re going to GET THESE HANDS.
Braun Strowman vs. Sheamus
Strowman gets low bridged to start and might have tweaked his knee. The ten forearms to the chest are broken up and a single forearm puts Sheamus on the floor as well. Sheamus gets sent outside again and we take a break. Back with Sheamus kicking at the knee for a bit until Braun fights up and tosses him to the floor. Sheamus makes the mistake of standing there, allowing Braun to run him over with the big shoulder. Back in and Braun goes shoulder first into the post. It doesn’t seem to matter as the powerslam ends Sheamus at 7:53.
Here’s Kurt Angle to bring out Ronda Rousey. Angle talks about Stephanie and HHH being ready for anything so Wrestlemania is going to be a lot of fun. Rousey was watching that video earlier and Stephanie is tough, but she’s trust fun tough. She’s limousine riding tough. At Wrestlemania, she’s get what’s coming to her when Ronda takes her arm out of its socket.
Cue Absolution with Paige saying this is their world. It’s nice that Rousey is going into her first match but she needs backup. Rousey could be the fourth member of Absolution! That’s a no from Ronda so Paige sends the other two after her. Deville goes down with one shot and Rousey suplexes Mandy into Sonya’s legs. Rousey grabs Mandy’s arm and cranks a bit but Angle calms her down. That’s very Ken Shamrock of her. This was another rough segment from Rousey, but once she goes beast mode, she’s exactly what WWE wants her to be. The talking though….needs some work.
We recap the opening sequence.
Anderson and Gallows vs. Miztourage
Joined in progress with Anderson hitting the Rocket Kick (HI-YAH) in the corner on Axel but a Dallas distraction lets Curtis shove him to the floor. A chinlock keeps things down until Anderson fights up with a spinebuster. The hot tag brings in Gallows for a kick to Axel’s head and a big splash keeps him in trouble. The Boot of Doom only gets two with Dallas making the save. Not that it matters as the Magic Killer finishes Axel at 4:36.
Here’s Elias to talk about performing on the grandest stage of them all in thirteen days. He’s not happy with going from Madison Square Garden over the weekend to Cleveland tonight but just like LeBron James, he’s leaving soon. After a song about hating Cleveland, it’s time for a match.
Elias vs. Rhyno
Rhyno runs him over with a shoulder to start but gets taken down with a clothesline. A chinlock doesn’t last long but Rhyno’s comeback is even shorter as Drift Away gives Elias the pin at 1:25.
Long recap of Cena challenging Undertaker to no avail.
John Cena vs. Kane
No DQ. Kane wastes no time in stomping Cena down and a big boot puts him on the floor. We’re already in the chinlock and Cena can’t power up with the AA as Kane falls down onto him for two. They head outside with Cena being sent into the steps as we take a break. Back with Kane knocking him through the crowd and hitting a suplex onto a well placed piece of barricade. They head back to the ring with Kane putting him down and going to take off a turnbuckle.
Cena sits up and sends him into the buckle, followed by the throat slit. A chokeslam gets two on Kane and it’s table time. Kane sits up this time though and shoves the table over before the AA can connect. Instead he sends Cena through the table in the corner for two. Rather than going after Cena even more, it’s another table being set up instead. The chokeslam is countered into an AA through the table to give Cena the pin at 14:02.
Post match Cena wants to know where the lightning is. He calls Undertaker a coward again because there’s no response. Cena is willing to go to Wrestlemania as a fan because all he wants is SOMETHING from Undertaker. There’s just one week left to go because Undertaker has one week left to do something and define his career. Oh good grief. Anyway Cena wants him here next week because it’s Undertaker’s last chance.
Results
Nia Jax b. Mickie James – Samoan drop
Cedric Alexander/Mustafa Ali b. TJP/Drew Gulak – 054 to TJP
Asuka b. Jamie Frost – Kick to the head
Braun Strowman b. Sheamus – Powerslam
Anderson and Gallows b. Miztourage – Magic Killer to Axel
Elias b. Rhyno – Drift Away
John Cena b. Kane – Attitude Adjustment through a table
Tuesday
Smackdown
Date: March 27, 2018
Location: PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton
We’ve got two episodes of Smackdown Live left to go before Wrestlemania XXXIV and that means two episodes featuring Daniel Bryan. It’s not clear what he’s going to be doing in New Orleans but if the Shane McMahon health issues are true, a lot of things could be up in the air. Let’s get to it.
Before we get started, Happy Birthday Pop.
We open with a recap of Bryan’s announcement last week. That’s the most emotional moment WWE has had in a long time.
Bobby Roode/Randy Orton vs. Jinder Mahal/Sunil Singh
And hang on as Singh’s arm is banged up after Roode and Orton attacked him last week. Mahal has a replacement though.
Bobby Roode/Randy Orton vs. Jinder Mahal/Rusev
Mahal takes Roode into the corner to start as Orton still has his vest on. Roode elbows everyone down but Singh gets on the apron, earning himself a whip into the barricade. The vest comes off and we take a break. Back with Orton working Rusev over in the corner until a kick to the head rocks Orton again. The evil foreigners take turns stomping on Orton and it’s a chinlock from Mahal. Orton suplexes his way to freedom and the hot tag brings in Roode for the usual.
Roode’s spinebuster gets two on Mahal as Orton is calmly watching Roode deal with both of them. Mahal takes Roode down again and we take another break. Back with Roode fighting out of a chinlock but eating a jumping knee to the face to keep him down. Rusev’s chinlock has as much success and Roode starts his comeback but Orton tags himself in. The snap powerslam drops Rusev but everything breaks down with Roode hitting Orton by mistake. That earns him an RKO but the Machka Kick ends Orton at 18:26.
Post break an excited Mahal offers Rusev and Aiden English front row tickets to Wrestlemania. Rusev has an idea though: a spot in the US Title match. Mahal isn’t happy.
Shinsuke Nakamura comes in to see AJ Styles and says he helped him last week to keep AJ strong for Wrestlemania. Nakamura has Shelton Benjamin tonight and wants AJ in his corner. Styles agrees to protect the dream match.
Becky Lynch vs. Ruby Riott
Becky wastes no time in knocking Riott to the floor but an argument with the Squad allows Ruby to run her over. Back in and Ruby cranks on Becky’s arms but gets taken down by a forearm. Becky scores with the clotheslines until Ruby pulls her off the ropes. The rollup is called off due to feet on the ropes but the Riott Kick is blocked. Ruby is whipped into Logan and a rollup gives Becky the pin at 6:08.
Here’s Daniel Bryan for a chat on the stage. He loves being in Pittsburgh because he’s cleared to be back in the ring. However, tonight he has a job to do as General Manager. Bryan is willing to give Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn one more chance: in a tag match against Shane McMahon and himself at Wrestlemania. Shane should be back in time for Wrestlemania, so we have some stipulations. If Owens and Zayn lose, they stay fired. If they win, they’re back on Smackdown Live.
Bryan talks about opportunities, like the ones he’s given Owens and Zayn. He’s given them those opportunities because the two of them have always been there for him, whether it’s as a partner or if he needed a bed to sleep in. Bryan has a bunch of responsibilities as General Manager like going to meetings, filling out paperwork and wearing these blazers (CM Punk would not approve).
He’s sick of all of them because he fought for three years to get this spot. Owens and Zayn have held him back and now, it’s time for him to fight at Wrestlemania. Bryan goes on a rant about how this isn’t the Bryan on a disabled list or the General Manager. This is the Bryan coming to Wrestlemania to take out Owens and Zayn.
Here’s New Day for a chat before their match. Their path to Wrestlemania was so clear that they had put New Orleans in their GPS. But it turns out that the Road to Wrestlemania was bludgeoned with horribly ugly trash. They’re willing to adopt that highway though and clean up the Road to Wrestlemania.
New Day vs. Bludgeon Brothers
Joined in progress with Rowan cranking on Woods’ arm. Woods is thrown around with ease and Kofi gets beaten down as well, albeit this time on the outside. Not that it matters as the Usos come in to jump the Brothers for the DQ at 1:54.
Zayn and Owens have accepted the challenge.
Wrestlemania rundown.
Video on Charlotte vs. Asuka.
Tyler Breeze vs. Dolph Ziggler
They’re both in the Andre battle royal. Fandango gets on the apron for a dance so Ziggler dropkicks Breeze down. It’s time to run laps so Breeze’s superkick only gets two. They trade rollups for two each but the Zig Zag ends Breeze at 2:10.
At Wrestlemania, the Usos defend against New Day and the Bludgeon Brothers.
Shelton Benjamin vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
AJ and Chad Gable are the seconds. Nakamura starts with the knee to the ribs and Good Vibrations puts Benjamin on the floor as we take an early break. Back with Shelton holding Nakamura in a chinlock with a grapevine until Nakamura fights up. Kinshasa is loaded up but Gable offers a distraction, allowing Shelton to get two off a northern lights suplex. Paydirt is countered into a cross armbreaker and then a triangle choke. Benjamin powers out but gets kneed down, setting up Kinshasa for the pin at 9:28.
Post match Nakamura says he brought AJ out here to show him how the match is going at Wrestlemania. AJ calls that playing games because Wrestlemania is a dream match for him too. His dream match ends a little differently though, like with AJ walking out as the undisputed best in the world. Nakamura laughs and says he’ll win because AJ is too emotional. Shinsuke leaves so Benjamin and Gable jump AJ with Nakamura making the save. Kinshasa is loaded up again but Nakamura stops in time, reaches to AJ’s heart, and puts it in his chest pocket to end the show.
Results
Rusev/Jinder Mahal b. Randy Orton/Bobby Roode – Machka Kick to Orton
Becky Lynch b. Ruby Riott – Rollup
Bludgeon Brothers b. New Day via DQ when the Usos interfered
Dolph Ziggler b. Tyler Breeze – Zig Zag
Shinsuke Nakamura b. Shelton Benjamin – Kinshasa
Wednesday
NXT
Date: March 28, 2018
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, Nigel McGuinness, Percy Watson
We’re almost to New Orleans and that means we’re getting closer to the official announcement of Tommaso Ciampa vs. Johnny Gargano. Earlier today, WWE posted a video of Gargano coming to Ciampa’s house at 3am, prompting Ciampa to say he would have to talk to William Regal about this. That’s a very encouraging line. Let’s get to it.
Earlier today Ciampa arrived but wouldn’t talk to reporters. He came up to Regal and asked what kind of place Regal is running here. Regal agrees that it’s on him so the solution is Gargano vs. Ciampa in an unsanctioned match at Takeover. If Johnny wins, he’s reinstated in NXT. Regal: “This time, you’re going to have to do it yourself.” This was a quick segment but it felt like a conversation these two might have. It didn’t feel scripted and it felt natural. Why does that NEVER happen on the main roster?
Opening sequence.
Here’s Regal in the arena for his big announcement. This is the place where we determine the best in the world so it’s time to announce a new championship. At Takeover: New Orleans, the first NXT North American Champion will be crowned. Regal talks about how this will be a counterpart to the United Kingdom Championship but here’s the debuting EC3 (called that with no Ethan Carter III ever mentioned).
Mauro asked him what EC3 stood for and apparently it’s the formula for success. The fans chant for him and EC3 says it should keep going because he deserves it. He brags about his theme song (which mentions his name several times and says that he’s in the top 1%) but thinks Regal has gone above and beyond to create a brand new championship for him. Fans: “NXTHREE! NXTHREE!”
That’s a step too far for Regal but EC3 will be competing for the title. It will be EC3 and five other competitors in a six man ladder match to crown the first champion. EC3 isn’t sure about that one but the fans thank Regal. That’s cool with EC3 because you can put the entire locker room against him and he’ll prove that he’s the top 1%. EC3 is already one of the most charismatic guys NXT has ever had so this was a very successful debut segment.
Charly Caruso updates the Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic, which is down to the semifinals:
Authors of Pain
Street Profits
Roderick Strong/Pete Dunne
Sanity
TM61 is frustrated that they can’t win and keep having to go back to the drawing board. The interview is cut short as Shayna Baszler and Ember Moon are in a fight in the next room. Referees break it up as they’re trying everything they can to make it seem like Ember has a chance.
Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic Semifinals: Street Profits vs. Authors of Pain
Ford yells at Razar to start and gets shoved in the face. Dawkins comes in instead and gets pummeled in the corner for his efforts. The Profits actually take the big guys down and Ford takes a sip from the cup before offering it to Paul Ellering. That’s a no as the cup is knocked out of Ford’s hands, allowing the Authors to jump him. The Last Chapter ends Dawkins at 2:34. This was nothing.
Charly talks about the other semifinal match tonight.
Regal announces Adam Cole as the second competitor when Velveteen Dream comes up. Dream: “You’re looking well.” Regal: “I know.” Dream wants in the match to give the fans an experience. Regal agrees so Dream is the third entrant.
Lars Sullivan vs. John Silver
Back to back tosses into the corner and a military press powerslam sets up a top rope headbutt. The Freak Accident ends the slaughter at 1:42. In this case, better to be quick silver than Long John.
Regal runs into Sullivan and offers him a spot in the ladder match. Sullivan says that sounds fantastic and he will bring the destruction unequivocally and categorically. He imagines a ladder in his hands to inflict more punishment. For next week though, he wants Killian Dain. Killian is in the ladder match as well but Regal makes the match too.
Dakota Kai comes out for a match but we cut to the parking lot where Andrade Cien Almas attacks Aleister Black, including shoving his face into a cooler. Almas drags him into the arena and throws him into the ring for a chair to the back. The title is held up as Almas shouts about being the champion.
Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic Semifinals: Sanity vs. Roderick Strong/Pete Dunne
Strong and Wolfe start things off with an early slam putting Roderick down and drawing the partners in for a staredown. Young and Dunne go into the corner and it’s another staredown to annoy the referee. Wolfe takes over on Dunne and we take a break. Back with Dunne in more trouble and Young getting two.
This time it’s Young getting caught in the wrong corner and having his chest ripped off with chops. A middle rope knee gives Dunne two and we hit a hammerlock. It’s time to go after the arm with a double wristlock but Young powers him up with a suplex for the break. That’s enough for the tag to Wolfe and a Death Valley Driver gives him two. Everything breaks down and Dunne punches Wolfe out of the air but gets caught with a neckbreaker.
Young throws Strong off the top and drops the elbow for two of his own. Dunne and Wolfe are back in and Pete kicks Young down, setting up End of Heartache on Wolfe. It’s back to the legal Young, who gets caught in Strong’s belly to back faceplant into a Downward Spiral from Dunne (good idea, not the best execution) for the pin at 10:26.
Regal announces the final competitor, who happens to be in his office. That would be…..Ricochet. In case the crowd wasn’t hyped up enough.
Results
Authors of Pain b. Street Profits – Last Chapter to Dawkins
Lars Sullivan b. John Silver – Freak Accident
Roderick Strong/Pete Dunne b. Sanity – Double faceplant to Young
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 29, 2018
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Sonjay Dutt
We’re about a month away from the next pay per view (with the well thought out REDEMPTION moniker) and that means it’s time to start filling in the card. Last week saw the Feast or Fired briefcases opened up, meaning we could be having title matches soon. Let’s get to it.
Austin Aries arrived earlier today and ran into Josh Matthews and Matt Sydal. Aries applauds them for their title wins and Sydal can feel Aries’ energy in the X-Division Title. Option C is mentioned and Aries is willing to give Sydal a shot in a title for title match. As in the World Title against the Grand Championship. Josh freaks out but no one says no.
Petey Williams vs. Suicide vs. Rohit Raju vs. Taiji Ishimori
One fall to a finish. Suicide and Raju head outside so Ishimori spins Petey around by the wrist. All four are back in with Suicide atomic dropping Raju onto Petey’s back, followed by a running bulldog to take the two of them down. Ishimori 619s Suicide into a missile dropkick but Petey grabs a Sharpshooter.
Raju makes the save and dives onto Suicide and Petey as this is all over the place so far. Ishimori moonsaults onto all three and a series of rollups gets a series of near falls. Petey’s slingshot Codebreaker rocks Raju and Ishimori’s springboard senton drops Suicide. The Canadian Destroyer is broken up and Ishimori gets in the 450 for two. A second Destroyer attempt is enough to put Suicide away and give Petey the pin at 8:11.
Post match, Petey says he’s cashing in the briefcase at Redemption.
Eli Drake isn’t happy with having the Tag Team Title briefcase because he’s a one man show and should be World Champion. But never mind, because he has an idea.
The announcers have their weekly chat. Tonight: two matches from different promotions!
Eddie Edwards has gone to Dayton, Ohio to find OVE. Maybe he can leave his wife behind when a group of psychotic stalkers follow her to her hotel.
Su Yung vs. Amber Nova
Braxton Sutter introduces Su and looks very proud. Yung jumps her to start and the spinning Samoan Driver (Pain Switch) is good for the pin at 42 seconds.
Johnny Impact still wants to be World Champion when Jimmy Jacobs interrupts. Jimmy promises to burst Johnny’s bubble and makes Kongo Kong threats.
Taya Valkyrie is in the back but Rosemary walks atop some offices and throws a trashcan down, hitting her right in the face. The fight is on, in the overproduced way that Impact likes to shoot these things. Richard Justice tries to intervene but Rosemary dives onto everyone and Taya appears to be busted open.
From WrestlePro in Brooklyn.
KM vs. Fallah Bahh
Yes, this is seriously what we’re watching. Bahh knocks him away with the power of the belly and the rolling splash. A running clothesline drops Bahh and we’re clipped to another Bahh kickout as KM kicks away at the ribs. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Bahh fights up with a Samoan drop. A Banzai Drop misses and KM uses the ropes for the pin at 4:12.
Video on Brian Cage vs. Bobby Lashley. Cage is the new monster on the block and Lashley didn’t like his help a few weeks ago. Tonight, a match.
Brian Cage vs. Bobby Lashley
They waste no time with the power lockup and neither can get much of anywhere. A hurricanrana sends Lashley down and a clothesline puts him on the floor as Cage gets the early advantage. Back in and Lashley gets two off a clothesline, followed by a neckbreaker for the same. Cage powers back up and sends him outside for a running flip dive. They both jump from the apron the floor but it’s Cage scoring with a series of kicks. Lashley slams him off the top though and we hit the chinlock.
That goes nowhere so Cage fights up and hits a springboard tornado DDT of all things. Josh: “HE SHOULDN’T BE ABLE TO DO THAT!” I can’t believe I’m saying this but Josh is absolutely right. Back up and Cage gets two off a floatover spinebuster but Lashley is right back with a running powerslam for two. Cage misses a discus lariat and gets speared to the floor for a delayed near fall. The second attempt at the discus lariat connects to give Cage the big upset at 11:03.
Gail Kim (WHY IS SHE STILL HERE??? She retired like five months ago and it seems like she’s barely ever missed a show) is doing her makeup when Allie comes in to ask for some advice. Gail tells her to go be the champion.
Classic Clip: AJ Styles vs. Petey Williams vs. Chris Sabin in Ultimate X from Final Resolution 2005.
Eli Drake offers to trade his case with Moose for the sake of winning two belts instead of one. That’s not happening, but for some reason Moose does agree to a case for case match next week.
Eddie Edwards invades a show in Ohio and goes after OVE and Sami Callihan with a kendo stick. The numbers start to get the better of him but Eddie takes Callihan’s baseball bat and cleans house. Since beating guys up with a baseball bat doesn’t work very well, Eddie gets beaten down again and a spike Tombstone leaves him laying.
Sami promises to destroy Eddie.
Video on Aries vs. Sydal.
Impact Wrestling World Title/Grand Championship: Austin Aries vs. Matt Sydal
Title for title with both guys defending. Aries has all four belts with him and has to make sure he holds up the right one. They fight over wristlocks to start (must have been watching WWE) as Alberto El Patron is watching the match in the back and enjoying a steak (Leftovers from his restaurant?). Matt bails to the floor and Aries lays over the top, followed by a basement dropkick to take us to a break.
Back with Aries holding a stump puller and firing off some kicks to the back and chest. The middle rope elbow to the back gets two as Sonjay continues to shine on commentary. Sydal comes back with a spinwheel kick and starts in on the leg. That goes nowhere so Sydal fires off some kicks but a springboard is cut off. Aries’ neckbreaker across the rope is broken up and the brainbuster is blocked as well.
Something like an Eye of the Hurricane with a leg instead of the arm drops Aries. A bridging German suplex gives Sydal two and Aries has to kick Matthews away. Now the neckbreaker works just fine and here’s Petey to scare Josh off. That leaves things one on one and it’s a running corner dropkick into the brainbuster to give Aries the Grand Championship at 20:35.
Results
Petey Williams b. Suicide, Rohit Raju and Taiji Ishimori – Canadian Destroyer to Suicide
Su Yung b. Amber Nova – Pain Switch
KM b. Fallah Bahh – Rollup with feet on the ropes
Brian Cage b. Bobby Lashley – Discus lariat
Austin Aries b. Matt Sydal – Brainbuster
Friday
Nothing.
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Nothing.
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
Nia Jax b. Mickie James – Samoan drop
Cedric Alexander/Mustafa Ali b. TJP/Drew Gulak – 054 to TJP
Asuka b. Jamie Frost – Kick to the head
Braun Strowman b. Sheamus – Powerslam
Anderson and Gallows b. Miztourage – Magic Killer to Axel
Elias b. Rhyno – Drift Away
John Cena b. Kane – Attitude Adjustment through a table
Smackdown
Rusev/Jinder Mahal b. Randy Orton/Bobby Roode – Machka Kick to Orton
Becky Lynch b. Ruby Riott – Rollup
Bludgeon Brothers b. New Day via DQ when the Usos interfered
Dolph Ziggler b. Tyler Breeze – Zig Zag
Shinsuke Nakamura b. Shelton Benjamin – Kinshasa
NXT
Authors of Pain b. Street Profits – Last Chapter to Dawkins
Lars Sullivan b. John Silver – Freak Accident
Roderick Strong/Pete Dunne b. Sanity – Double faceplant to Young
Impact Wrestling
Petey Williams b. Suicide, Rohit Raju and Taiji Ishimori – Canadian Destroyer to Suicide
Su Yung b. Amber Nova – Pain Switch
KM b. Fallah Bahh – Rollup with feet on the ropes
Brian Cage b. Bobby Lashley – Discus lariat
Austin Aries b. Matt Sydal – Brainbuster
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 26, 2018
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman
We’ve got two shows to go before New Orleans and WWE is still dragging its feet to get to John Cena vs. the Undertaker. Tonight we have Cena vs. Kane though, which is likely the next step on the way to the big showdown. Other than that, we might get a few more names added to the battle royals. Let’s get to it.
Here are Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman to open things up. Heyman recaps the attack on Roman Reigns last week and of course we see some clips. As it turns out, Reigns’ suspension is lifted but he’s not here tonight. Heyman goes over the Samoan wrestling family raising Roman to be a star and a champion. What they didn’t raise him to be is a man.
Reigns was the one saying he was here every single week no matter what but he’s not here tonight. Maybe Reigns should have found three MMA students, dressed them up like US Marshals and beaten the heck out of them before starting a fight with Lesnar. Reigns isn’t man enough to do that though, nor is he man enough to show up here and take another beating from Brock.
Heyman loads up the end but Reigns is in the crowd. He comes out swinging with a chair and gets in a few shots but Brock runs him over. A HARD shot to the face with the steps puts Reigns down and Brock lays him out with the chair. Brock goes to leave but comes back with an F5 onto the steps. Reigns is left laying, again. The story they’re telling here is good, but Reigns not even missing a single show isn’t helping. That and the fans don’t want to cheer for Reigns and there isn’t much of a way around that problem.
Nia Jax vs. Mickie James
Nia knocks her to the floor in short order and we take a break. Back with Jax stomping away in the corner and Mickie bailing to the floor. Alexa Bliss offers a distraction and a chop block takes Nia down. Back in and a hard slam looks to set up the legdrop but Nia only hits mat. A running kick to the face drops Nia again and a missed charge makes things even worse. Mickie kicks the knee out and goes up top, earning herself a gorilla press into a Samoan drop for the pin at 7:05.
Post match Alexa gets in a cheap shot but the glare in response sends her running.
We get a package on Ronda Rousey’s WWE career with HHH and Stephanie McMahon adding in sitdown comments. HHH says this could have been a perfect employee but Rousey and Angle had to run their mouths. We see them training and hear from the Performance Center coach who talks about how hard they train all the time. Stephanie is ready for anything and HHH never stops training.
See, Rousey is coming into a ring that Stephanie owns because she’s wrestled before. At Wrestlemania, Rousey will be humbled like everyone else that has come at the Authority. Good stuff here, but if they even think about having Stephanie be competitive against Rousey on an even remotely even playing field, they’re dumber than I thought.
Cedric Alexander/Mustafa Ali vs. TJP/Drew Gulak
Joined in progress with Ali in trouble and 205 Live General Manager Drake Maverick on commentary. Gulak gets two off a neckbreaker but Ali fights out of the chinlock and makes the hot tag to Alexander. Everything breaks down in short order and Ali hits a huge flip dive onto Gulak. Back in and Cedric hits the Neuralizer with Ali making a blind tag. The Lumbar Check sets up the 054 for the pin on TJP at 4:02. Cedric isn’t happy with the blind tag.
It’s time for MizTV and the fans give Miz a WELCOME HOME chant. Miz: “I live in LA.” Miz wants to talk about some personal issues and that means the Miztourage. They seem to think things have been going well for them but Miz isn’t so pleased. For two weeks in a row they’ve let him down and that’s not acceptable. If Miz wanted failure, he never would have left Cleveland. Dallas says they’re doing everything they can but Miz tells him to Bo-Lieve himself back to catering.
Cue Seth Rollins to say that for the first time on MizTV, this is great stuff. Seth offers to mediate and asks when was the last time Miz thanked Dallas and Axel. Miz goes on a rant about himself and Bo calls him a phony A-lister who can’t fight. For some reason Miz couldn’t hear that so here’s Finn Balor to interrupt. He heard what Bo said: Miz was the biggest jerk that he’s ever met. Dallas repeats what he actually said and then realizes that he might have screwed up a little.
Miz wants to hear him say that again and the fight is almost on. That calms Miz down as he says this should be all about him retaining the title for 34 more days. If Miz reaches that milestone, he’ll be the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time. He’ll be better than Randy Savage, Shawn Michaels and Mr. Perfect. That’s a step too far for Axel (big Shawn fan), who stands next to Dallas. Again, reality sets in so Miz cancels the show to the fans’ delight.
The Miztourage won’t let him leave though as Rollins and Balor are very pleased. The four of them surround Miz and of course it’s a ruse with the Miztourage jumping Balor and Rollins. Cue Anderson and Gallows for the save, leaving Miz alone with Balor. A belt shot misses and Balor hits a Sling Blade but Rollins can’t hit the curb stomp. Balor and Rollins get in a fight over the title as Miz tries a sneak attack. That goes badly for him as well, allowing Balor to take Rollins down. Good segment here, and thank goodness they didn’t make it a five way.
Kane is ready to destroy Cena tonight because Cena isn’t going to Wrestlemania.
Asuka vs. Jamie Frost
Jamie says Asuka doesn’t know her so she’s not ready. Kick to the face ends Frost at 32 seconds.
We hear about Cole apologizing in advance for the Ultimate Deletion. Matt Hardy has since referred to him as an obsolete mule.
Stills of the Ultimate Deletion.
Matt talks about Bray Wyatt’s tyrannical reign being replaced by Senor Benjamin’s spring daisies. Now Matt needs to set his sights on Wrestlemania by honoring the legacy of “amazing world wonder number eight” by entering the battle royal. Everyone else will be DELETED.
Cole: “That was OBNOXIOUS!”
Sasha Banks and Bayley are in the back with Bayley saying she’s in the battle royal. Banks wants to talk about last week so Bayley rants about how Banks thinks she’s the best thing in the world. That’s true, and Banks isn’t making any apologies for it. Maybe Bayley should do the same so everyone doesn’t think she’s a loser. Bayley thinks Sasha is doing it because everyone knows she can’t beat her.
Sasha is a four time Women’s Champion but Bayley asks how long she kept it. Those are fighting words and it’s on with Sasha getting the better of it until referees break things up. More horrible acting, as you can tell they were just reading a script. How hard can it be to say “you’re mad at each other because Sasha can’t beat Bayley, go bicker with each other for a minute”? If they don’t have any more faith in them than that, don’t give them live microphones.
Braun Strowman comes out for a match but here’s the Bar to demand to know Strowman’s partner. Strowman will tell them if Sheamus can beat him. Maybe they’ll get an answer, but they’re going to GET THESE HANDS.
Braun Strowman vs. Sheamus
Strowman gets low bridged to start and might have tweaked his knee. The ten forearms to the chest are broken up and a single forearm puts Sheamus on the floor as well. Sheamus gets sent outside again and we take a break. Back with Sheamus kicking at the knee for a bit until Braun fights up and tosses him to the floor. Sheamus makes the mistake of standing there, allowing Braun to run him over with the big shoulder. Back in and Braun goes shoulder first into the post. It doesn’t seem to matter as the powerslam ends Sheamus at 7:53.
Here’s Kurt Angle to bring out Ronda Rousey. Angle talks about Stephanie and HHH being ready for anything so Wrestlemania is going to be a lot of fun. Rousey was watching that video earlier and Stephanie is tough, but she’s trust fun tough. She’s limousine riding tough. At Wrestlemania, she’s get what’s coming to her when Ronda takes her arm out of its socket.
Cue Absolution with Paige saying this is their world. It’s nice that Rousey is going into her first match but she needs backup. Rousey could be the fourth member of Absolution! That’s a no from Ronda so Paige sends the other two after her. Deville goes down with one shot and Rousey suplexes Mandy into Sonya’s legs. Rousey grabs Mandy’s arm and cranks a bit but Angle calms her down. That’s very Ken Shamrock of her. This was another rough segment from Rousey, but once she goes beast mode, she’s exactly what WWE wants her to be. The talking though….needs some work.
We recap the opening sequence.
Anderson and Gallows vs. Miztourage
Joined in progress with Anderson hitting the Rocket Kick (HI-YAH) in the corner on Axel but a Dallas distraction lets Curtis shove him to the floor. A chinlock keeps things down until Anderson fights up with a spinebuster. The hot tag brings in Gallows for a kick to Axel’s head and a big splash keeps him in trouble. The Boot of Doom only gets two with Dallas making the save. Not that it matters as the Magic Killer finishes Axel at 4:36.
Here’s Elias to talk about performing on the grandest stage of them all in thirteen days. He’s not happy with going from Madison Square Garden over the weekend to Cleveland tonight but just like LeBron James, he’s leaving soon. After a song about hating Cleveland, it’s time for a match.
Elias vs. Rhyno
Rhyno runs him over with a shoulder to start but gets taken down with a clothesline. A chinlock doesn’t last long but Rhyno’s comeback is even shorter as Drift Away gives Elias the pin at 1:25.
Long recap of Cena challenging Undertaker to no avail.
John Cena vs. Kane
No DQ. Kane wastes no time in stomping Cena down and a big boot puts him on the floor. We’re already in the chinlock and Cena can’t power up with the AA as Kane falls down onto him for two. They head outside with Cena being sent into the steps as we take a break. Back with Kane knocking him through the crowd and hitting a suplex onto a well placed piece of barricade. They head back to the ring with Kane putting him down and going to take off a turnbuckle.
Cena sits up and sends him into the buckle, followed by the throat slit. A chokeslam gets two on Kane and it’s table time. Kane sits up this time though and shoves the table over before the AA can connect. Instead he sends Cena through the table in the corner for two. Rather than going after Cena even more, it’s another table being set up instead. The chokeslam is countered into an AA through the table to give Cena the pin at 14:02.
Post match Cena wants to know where the lightning is. He calls Undertaker a coward again because there’s no response. Cena is willing to go to Wrestlemania as a fan because all he wants is SOMETHING from Undertaker. There’s just one week left to go because Undertaker has one week left to do something and define his career. Oh good grief. Anyway Cena wants him here next week because it’s Undertaker’s last chance.
Results
Nia Jax b. Mickie James – Samoan drop
Cedric Alexander/Mustafa Ali b. TJP/Drew Gulak – 054 to TJP
Asuka b. Jamie Frost – Kick to the head
Braun Strowman b. Sheamus – Powerslam
Anderson and Gallows b. Miztourage – Magic Killer to Axel
Elias b. Rhyno – Drift Away
John Cena b. Kane – Attitude Adjustment through a table
Tuesday
Smackdown
Date: March 27, 2018
Location: PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton
We’ve got two episodes of Smackdown Live left to go before Wrestlemania XXXIV and that means two episodes featuring Daniel Bryan. It’s not clear what he’s going to be doing in New Orleans but if the Shane McMahon health issues are true, a lot of things could be up in the air. Let’s get to it.
Before we get started, Happy Birthday Pop.
We open with a recap of Bryan’s announcement last week. That’s the most emotional moment WWE has had in a long time.
Bobby Roode/Randy Orton vs. Jinder Mahal/Sunil Singh
And hang on as Singh’s arm is banged up after Roode and Orton attacked him last week. Mahal has a replacement though.
Bobby Roode/Randy Orton vs. Jinder Mahal/Rusev
Mahal takes Roode into the corner to start as Orton still has his vest on. Roode elbows everyone down but Singh gets on the apron, earning himself a whip into the barricade. The vest comes off and we take a break. Back with Orton working Rusev over in the corner until a kick to the head rocks Orton again. The evil foreigners take turns stomping on Orton and it’s a chinlock from Mahal. Orton suplexes his way to freedom and the hot tag brings in Roode for the usual.
Roode’s spinebuster gets two on Mahal as Orton is calmly watching Roode deal with both of them. Mahal takes Roode down again and we take another break. Back with Roode fighting out of a chinlock but eating a jumping knee to the face to keep him down. Rusev’s chinlock has as much success and Roode starts his comeback but Orton tags himself in. The snap powerslam drops Rusev but everything breaks down with Roode hitting Orton by mistake. That earns him an RKO but the Machka Kick ends Orton at 18:26.
Post break an excited Mahal offers Rusev and Aiden English front row tickets to Wrestlemania. Rusev has an idea though: a spot in the US Title match. Mahal isn’t happy.
Shinsuke Nakamura comes in to see AJ Styles and says he helped him last week to keep AJ strong for Wrestlemania. Nakamura has Shelton Benjamin tonight and wants AJ in his corner. Styles agrees to protect the dream match.
Becky Lynch vs. Ruby Riott
Becky wastes no time in knocking Riott to the floor but an argument with the Squad allows Ruby to run her over. Back in and Ruby cranks on Becky’s arms but gets taken down by a forearm. Becky scores with the clotheslines until Ruby pulls her off the ropes. The rollup is called off due to feet on the ropes but the Riott Kick is blocked. Ruby is whipped into Logan and a rollup gives Becky the pin at 6:08.
Here’s Daniel Bryan for a chat on the stage. He loves being in Pittsburgh because he’s cleared to be back in the ring. However, tonight he has a job to do as General Manager. Bryan is willing to give Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn one more chance: in a tag match against Shane McMahon and himself at Wrestlemania. Shane should be back in time for Wrestlemania, so we have some stipulations. If Owens and Zayn lose, they stay fired. If they win, they’re back on Smackdown Live.
Bryan talks about opportunities, like the ones he’s given Owens and Zayn. He’s given them those opportunities because the two of them have always been there for him, whether it’s as a partner or if he needed a bed to sleep in. Bryan has a bunch of responsibilities as General Manager like going to meetings, filling out paperwork and wearing these blazers (CM Punk would not approve).
He’s sick of all of them because he fought for three years to get this spot. Owens and Zayn have held him back and now, it’s time for him to fight at Wrestlemania. Bryan goes on a rant about how this isn’t the Bryan on a disabled list or the General Manager. This is the Bryan coming to Wrestlemania to take out Owens and Zayn.
Here’s New Day for a chat before their match. Their path to Wrestlemania was so clear that they had put New Orleans in their GPS. But it turns out that the Road to Wrestlemania was bludgeoned with horribly ugly trash. They’re willing to adopt that highway though and clean up the Road to Wrestlemania.
New Day vs. Bludgeon Brothers
Joined in progress with Rowan cranking on Woods’ arm. Woods is thrown around with ease and Kofi gets beaten down as well, albeit this time on the outside. Not that it matters as the Usos come in to jump the Brothers for the DQ at 1:54.
Zayn and Owens have accepted the challenge.
Wrestlemania rundown.
Video on Charlotte vs. Asuka.
Tyler Breeze vs. Dolph Ziggler
They’re both in the Andre battle royal. Fandango gets on the apron for a dance so Ziggler dropkicks Breeze down. It’s time to run laps so Breeze’s superkick only gets two. They trade rollups for two each but the Zig Zag ends Breeze at 2:10.
At Wrestlemania, the Usos defend against New Day and the Bludgeon Brothers.
Shelton Benjamin vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
AJ and Chad Gable are the seconds. Nakamura starts with the knee to the ribs and Good Vibrations puts Benjamin on the floor as we take an early break. Back with Shelton holding Nakamura in a chinlock with a grapevine until Nakamura fights up. Kinshasa is loaded up but Gable offers a distraction, allowing Shelton to get two off a northern lights suplex. Paydirt is countered into a cross armbreaker and then a triangle choke. Benjamin powers out but gets kneed down, setting up Kinshasa for the pin at 9:28.
Post match Nakamura says he brought AJ out here to show him how the match is going at Wrestlemania. AJ calls that playing games because Wrestlemania is a dream match for him too. His dream match ends a little differently though, like with AJ walking out as the undisputed best in the world. Nakamura laughs and says he’ll win because AJ is too emotional. Shinsuke leaves so Benjamin and Gable jump AJ with Nakamura making the save. Kinshasa is loaded up again but Nakamura stops in time, reaches to AJ’s heart, and puts it in his chest pocket to end the show.
Results
Rusev/Jinder Mahal b. Randy Orton/Bobby Roode – Machka Kick to Orton
Becky Lynch b. Ruby Riott – Rollup
Bludgeon Brothers b. New Day via DQ when the Usos interfered
Dolph Ziggler b. Tyler Breeze – Zig Zag
Shinsuke Nakamura b. Shelton Benjamin – Kinshasa
Wednesday
NXT
Date: March 28, 2018
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, Nigel McGuinness, Percy Watson
We’re almost to New Orleans and that means we’re getting closer to the official announcement of Tommaso Ciampa vs. Johnny Gargano. Earlier today, WWE posted a video of Gargano coming to Ciampa’s house at 3am, prompting Ciampa to say he would have to talk to William Regal about this. That’s a very encouraging line. Let’s get to it.
Earlier today Ciampa arrived but wouldn’t talk to reporters. He came up to Regal and asked what kind of place Regal is running here. Regal agrees that it’s on him so the solution is Gargano vs. Ciampa in an unsanctioned match at Takeover. If Johnny wins, he’s reinstated in NXT. Regal: “This time, you’re going to have to do it yourself.” This was a quick segment but it felt like a conversation these two might have. It didn’t feel scripted and it felt natural. Why does that NEVER happen on the main roster?
Opening sequence.
Here’s Regal in the arena for his big announcement. This is the place where we determine the best in the world so it’s time to announce a new championship. At Takeover: New Orleans, the first NXT North American Champion will be crowned. Regal talks about how this will be a counterpart to the United Kingdom Championship but here’s the debuting EC3 (called that with no Ethan Carter III ever mentioned).
Mauro asked him what EC3 stood for and apparently it’s the formula for success. The fans chant for him and EC3 says it should keep going because he deserves it. He brags about his theme song (which mentions his name several times and says that he’s in the top 1%) but thinks Regal has gone above and beyond to create a brand new championship for him. Fans: “NXTHREE! NXTHREE!”
That’s a step too far for Regal but EC3 will be competing for the title. It will be EC3 and five other competitors in a six man ladder match to crown the first champion. EC3 isn’t sure about that one but the fans thank Regal. That’s cool with EC3 because you can put the entire locker room against him and he’ll prove that he’s the top 1%. EC3 is already one of the most charismatic guys NXT has ever had so this was a very successful debut segment.
Charly Caruso updates the Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic, which is down to the semifinals:
Authors of Pain
Street Profits
Roderick Strong/Pete Dunne
Sanity
TM61 is frustrated that they can’t win and keep having to go back to the drawing board. The interview is cut short as Shayna Baszler and Ember Moon are in a fight in the next room. Referees break it up as they’re trying everything they can to make it seem like Ember has a chance.
Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic Semifinals: Street Profits vs. Authors of Pain
Ford yells at Razar to start and gets shoved in the face. Dawkins comes in instead and gets pummeled in the corner for his efforts. The Profits actually take the big guys down and Ford takes a sip from the cup before offering it to Paul Ellering. That’s a no as the cup is knocked out of Ford’s hands, allowing the Authors to jump him. The Last Chapter ends Dawkins at 2:34. This was nothing.
Charly talks about the other semifinal match tonight.
Regal announces Adam Cole as the second competitor when Velveteen Dream comes up. Dream: “You’re looking well.” Regal: “I know.” Dream wants in the match to give the fans an experience. Regal agrees so Dream is the third entrant.
Lars Sullivan vs. John Silver
Back to back tosses into the corner and a military press powerslam sets up a top rope headbutt. The Freak Accident ends the slaughter at 1:42. In this case, better to be quick silver than Long John.
Regal runs into Sullivan and offers him a spot in the ladder match. Sullivan says that sounds fantastic and he will bring the destruction unequivocally and categorically. He imagines a ladder in his hands to inflict more punishment. For next week though, he wants Killian Dain. Killian is in the ladder match as well but Regal makes the match too.
Dakota Kai comes out for a match but we cut to the parking lot where Andrade Cien Almas attacks Aleister Black, including shoving his face into a cooler. Almas drags him into the arena and throws him into the ring for a chair to the back. The title is held up as Almas shouts about being the champion.
Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic Semifinals: Sanity vs. Roderick Strong/Pete Dunne
Strong and Wolfe start things off with an early slam putting Roderick down and drawing the partners in for a staredown. Young and Dunne go into the corner and it’s another staredown to annoy the referee. Wolfe takes over on Dunne and we take a break. Back with Dunne in more trouble and Young getting two.
This time it’s Young getting caught in the wrong corner and having his chest ripped off with chops. A middle rope knee gives Dunne two and we hit a hammerlock. It’s time to go after the arm with a double wristlock but Young powers him up with a suplex for the break. That’s enough for the tag to Wolfe and a Death Valley Driver gives him two. Everything breaks down and Dunne punches Wolfe out of the air but gets caught with a neckbreaker.
Young throws Strong off the top and drops the elbow for two of his own. Dunne and Wolfe are back in and Pete kicks Young down, setting up End of Heartache on Wolfe. It’s back to the legal Young, who gets caught in Strong’s belly to back faceplant into a Downward Spiral from Dunne (good idea, not the best execution) for the pin at 10:26.
Regal announces the final competitor, who happens to be in his office. That would be…..Ricochet. In case the crowd wasn’t hyped up enough.
Results
Authors of Pain b. Street Profits – Last Chapter to Dawkins
Lars Sullivan b. John Silver – Freak Accident
Roderick Strong/Pete Dunne b. Sanity – Double faceplant to Young
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 29, 2018
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Sonjay Dutt
We’re about a month away from the next pay per view (with the well thought out REDEMPTION moniker) and that means it’s time to start filling in the card. Last week saw the Feast or Fired briefcases opened up, meaning we could be having title matches soon. Let’s get to it.
Austin Aries arrived earlier today and ran into Josh Matthews and Matt Sydal. Aries applauds them for their title wins and Sydal can feel Aries’ energy in the X-Division Title. Option C is mentioned and Aries is willing to give Sydal a shot in a title for title match. As in the World Title against the Grand Championship. Josh freaks out but no one says no.
Petey Williams vs. Suicide vs. Rohit Raju vs. Taiji Ishimori
One fall to a finish. Suicide and Raju head outside so Ishimori spins Petey around by the wrist. All four are back in with Suicide atomic dropping Raju onto Petey’s back, followed by a running bulldog to take the two of them down. Ishimori 619s Suicide into a missile dropkick but Petey grabs a Sharpshooter.
Raju makes the save and dives onto Suicide and Petey as this is all over the place so far. Ishimori moonsaults onto all three and a series of rollups gets a series of near falls. Petey’s slingshot Codebreaker rocks Raju and Ishimori’s springboard senton drops Suicide. The Canadian Destroyer is broken up and Ishimori gets in the 450 for two. A second Destroyer attempt is enough to put Suicide away and give Petey the pin at 8:11.
Post match, Petey says he’s cashing in the briefcase at Redemption.
Eli Drake isn’t happy with having the Tag Team Title briefcase because he’s a one man show and should be World Champion. But never mind, because he has an idea.
The announcers have their weekly chat. Tonight: two matches from different promotions!
Eddie Edwards has gone to Dayton, Ohio to find OVE. Maybe he can leave his wife behind when a group of psychotic stalkers follow her to her hotel.
Su Yung vs. Amber Nova
Braxton Sutter introduces Su and looks very proud. Yung jumps her to start and the spinning Samoan Driver (Pain Switch) is good for the pin at 42 seconds.
Johnny Impact still wants to be World Champion when Jimmy Jacobs interrupts. Jimmy promises to burst Johnny’s bubble and makes Kongo Kong threats.
Taya Valkyrie is in the back but Rosemary walks atop some offices and throws a trashcan down, hitting her right in the face. The fight is on, in the overproduced way that Impact likes to shoot these things. Richard Justice tries to intervene but Rosemary dives onto everyone and Taya appears to be busted open.
From WrestlePro in Brooklyn.
KM vs. Fallah Bahh
Yes, this is seriously what we’re watching. Bahh knocks him away with the power of the belly and the rolling splash. A running clothesline drops Bahh and we’re clipped to another Bahh kickout as KM kicks away at the ribs. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Bahh fights up with a Samoan drop. A Banzai Drop misses and KM uses the ropes for the pin at 4:12.
Video on Brian Cage vs. Bobby Lashley. Cage is the new monster on the block and Lashley didn’t like his help a few weeks ago. Tonight, a match.
Brian Cage vs. Bobby Lashley
They waste no time with the power lockup and neither can get much of anywhere. A hurricanrana sends Lashley down and a clothesline puts him on the floor as Cage gets the early advantage. Back in and Lashley gets two off a clothesline, followed by a neckbreaker for the same. Cage powers back up and sends him outside for a running flip dive. They both jump from the apron the floor but it’s Cage scoring with a series of kicks. Lashley slams him off the top though and we hit the chinlock.
That goes nowhere so Cage fights up and hits a springboard tornado DDT of all things. Josh: “HE SHOULDN’T BE ABLE TO DO THAT!” I can’t believe I’m saying this but Josh is absolutely right. Back up and Cage gets two off a floatover spinebuster but Lashley is right back with a running powerslam for two. Cage misses a discus lariat and gets speared to the floor for a delayed near fall. The second attempt at the discus lariat connects to give Cage the big upset at 11:03.
Gail Kim (WHY IS SHE STILL HERE??? She retired like five months ago and it seems like she’s barely ever missed a show) is doing her makeup when Allie comes in to ask for some advice. Gail tells her to go be the champion.
Classic Clip: AJ Styles vs. Petey Williams vs. Chris Sabin in Ultimate X from Final Resolution 2005.
Eli Drake offers to trade his case with Moose for the sake of winning two belts instead of one. That’s not happening, but for some reason Moose does agree to a case for case match next week.
Eddie Edwards invades a show in Ohio and goes after OVE and Sami Callihan with a kendo stick. The numbers start to get the better of him but Eddie takes Callihan’s baseball bat and cleans house. Since beating guys up with a baseball bat doesn’t work very well, Eddie gets beaten down again and a spike Tombstone leaves him laying.
Sami promises to destroy Eddie.
Video on Aries vs. Sydal.
Impact Wrestling World Title/Grand Championship: Austin Aries vs. Matt Sydal
Title for title with both guys defending. Aries has all four belts with him and has to make sure he holds up the right one. They fight over wristlocks to start (must have been watching WWE) as Alberto El Patron is watching the match in the back and enjoying a steak (Leftovers from his restaurant?). Matt bails to the floor and Aries lays over the top, followed by a basement dropkick to take us to a break.
Back with Aries holding a stump puller and firing off some kicks to the back and chest. The middle rope elbow to the back gets two as Sonjay continues to shine on commentary. Sydal comes back with a spinwheel kick and starts in on the leg. That goes nowhere so Sydal fires off some kicks but a springboard is cut off. Aries’ neckbreaker across the rope is broken up and the brainbuster is blocked as well.
Something like an Eye of the Hurricane with a leg instead of the arm drops Aries. A bridging German suplex gives Sydal two and Aries has to kick Matthews away. Now the neckbreaker works just fine and here’s Petey to scare Josh off. That leaves things one on one and it’s a running corner dropkick into the brainbuster to give Aries the Grand Championship at 20:35.
Results
Petey Williams b. Suicide, Rohit Raju and Taiji Ishimori – Canadian Destroyer to Suicide
Su Yung b. Amber Nova – Pain Switch
KM b. Fallah Bahh – Rollup with feet on the ropes
Brian Cage b. Bobby Lashley – Discus lariat
Austin Aries b. Matt Sydal – Brainbuster
Friday
Nothing.
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Nothing.
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
Nia Jax b. Mickie James – Samoan drop
Cedric Alexander/Mustafa Ali b. TJP/Drew Gulak – 054 to TJP
Asuka b. Jamie Frost – Kick to the head
Braun Strowman b. Sheamus – Powerslam
Anderson and Gallows b. Miztourage – Magic Killer to Axel
Elias b. Rhyno – Drift Away
John Cena b. Kane – Attitude Adjustment through a table
Smackdown
Rusev/Jinder Mahal b. Randy Orton/Bobby Roode – Machka Kick to Orton
Becky Lynch b. Ruby Riott – Rollup
Bludgeon Brothers b. New Day via DQ when the Usos interfered
Dolph Ziggler b. Tyler Breeze – Zig Zag
Shinsuke Nakamura b. Shelton Benjamin – Kinshasa
NXT
Authors of Pain b. Street Profits – Last Chapter to Dawkins
Lars Sullivan b. John Silver – Freak Accident
Roderick Strong/Pete Dunne b. Sanity – Double faceplant to Young
Impact Wrestling
Petey Williams b. Suicide, Rohit Raju and Taiji Ishimori – Canadian Destroyer to Suicide
Su Yung b. Amber Nova – Pain Switch
KM b. Fallah Bahh – Rollup with feet on the ropes
Brian Cage b. Bobby Lashley – Discus lariat
Austin Aries b. Matt Sydal – Brainbuster