klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
John Cena was in a car wreck. This sounds like kayfabe to me. There were three cars involved, one of which was a tractor. No injuries were reported.
Smackdown got a 1.9, the same as last week but viewership was down. It should be noted that the NCAA Tournament was going on. It should also be noted that Smackdown beat the Ultimate Fighter Live.
WWE has shut down FCW. There's talk of opening a new developmental organization in Connecticut eventually.
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 19, 2012
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole
We're almost to Wrestlemania but first of all we have to go through the scariest place on the planet in wrestling: Philly. Cena is likely to get crucified here although I'm not sure if Rock is scheduled for tonight or not. I do know that Michaels, HHH and Undertaker are all scheduled to be in the ring at the same time though. Not much else to say other than that so let's get to it.
Theme song opens us up.
Rock is indeed here tonight.
We open with Punk coming to the ring with a full introduction. That's not something you hear that often anymore but ok. Before he talks we get a clip from last week with the Jericho talk about Punk possibly becoming an alcoholic. Punk talks about how last week Jericho told the world that Punk's father is an alcoholic. He says he feels like he's naked in front of the world. Punk talks about how everyone has been affected by alcohol somehow.
He's not going to allow Jericho to convince kids everywhere that because their life sucks they're going to turn to the bottle. Punk may have alcoholism in his genes but the addiction in him is going to become Jericho's problem. Punk says that Jericho left out the ending where Punk's dad overcame his demons. He's proud of his father and he's proud of being straightedge. Alcoholism is an obstacle but he finds ways around obstacles. His next obstacle is Chris Jericho, and at Wrestlemania he's going straight through him.
Punk is about to leave when Jericho pops up on the monitor. He's not here tonight and is in a suit. Jericho sounds somber here and says this is Chris, not Jericho with no bravado and no fancy jacket. He crossed the line last week and he's sorry. Jericho will never say anything else about Punk's father on this show again. However, he'll talk about Punk's sister's substance abuse problems quite a bit. Punk freaks out while Jericho talks about Punk's sister being a drug addict. That means Punk is pre-disposed to being addicted. Punk drops a bunch of censored words and yells at Jericho. Good segment.
Kane vs. Big Show
Before the match we get a highlight reel of Show at Mania from Cody Rhodes. Cody has on boxing gloves at ringside. Show takes him down quickly and goes to the middle rope, but Cody gets on the apron. Show shoves him off and Kane chokeslams Show off the ropes for the pin at 49 seconds.
Post match Cody hits the Beautiful Disaster. He handcuffs Show to the ropes and pounds on him with the boxing gloves. Show yells at Cody to run, which Cody does despite Show being cuffed. They get him freed but Show is all messed up from getting beaten on.
Santino Marella vs. David Otunga
We start with a posedown and Santino has abs painted on. He hurts his leg posing so Otunga hammers away. Santino comes back with his usual and loads up the Cobra. Ace slides in his phone for some reason so Santino stomps on it. He walks into Otunga's spinebuster, putting the champion at 0-2 in his last two matches on Raw since winning the thing. The match ran about 1:45. I'm REALLY getting tired of these losses for champions.
Teddy slaps Ace post match and runs off so he can dance on the stage.
Lord Tensai (A-Train) is coming.
Rock is in front of the Rocky statue and says this is the city with a fighting spirit. We get a picture of him at 12 years old posing in front of the statue. Rock talks about training to become an icon and watching the first Wrestlemania and then Wrestlemania 6. He loved the Warrior. He had no idea what Warrior was talking about, but then again no one did. Then at Wrestlemania 15, right here in Philadelphia, Rock main evented his first Wrestlemania....and he got Stunned and lost.
Then Rock went on to beat Austin and Hogan at Wrestlemania, and that leaves just one person: John Cena. Tonight, Rock is coming to the arena and he's going to send Cena a message. If Cena doesn't get that message, Rock is going to get back in his car and drive to Pat's (famous Philadelphia cheese steak place) and say that he wants it both with and without (it's a Pat's thing). That way he can turn it sideways, and I think you know the rest. Then all the greats will say bang bang, WOO and from up above, oh yeah. Rocky is going to eat lightning, crap thunder, and layeth the smacketh down. Rock continues to be better on location.
Daniel Bryan vs. Zach Ryder
We get a clip from earlier today with Ryder holding a rally to become part of Team Teddy. Ryder has black trunks now. AJ looks GREAT tonight. Ryder controls and hits the Broski Boot but the Rough Ryder is countered into the LeBell Lock for the tap at 1:45.
Flo Rida is going to play Rock to the ring.
John Cena vs. Mark Henry
Henry throws Cena around a few times to start including once to the floor. Back in and Cena is down again, this time off a failed shoulder. Henry knocks him into the corner using the power. Back to the floor and Henry won't let him back in. He rams Cena into the barricade and yells at him as we go to a break. Back with Cena breaking free of a hold but getting run over quickly. Splash gets two. They talk about the car accident and imply Cena is off a step because of it. Cena avoids a charge in the corner and hits a belly to back to set up the Shuffle. AA and the Slam fail but the second AA gets the pin at 8:11.
Post match Rock immediately comes out and lays out Henry with a Rock Bottom. He points to the catchphrase on his shirt and walks out.
We get a clip of Shawn being announced as the guest referee. We saw the acceptance of the Cell stipulations earlier.
We get clips of the Divas deal on Extra. Eve is officially Beth's sidekick. Maria pinned Beth on Raw once. A tag match at Mania comes out of this.
Miz is in the ring to talk about.....King Kong Bundy? He talks about Bundy being in the main event of Wrestlemania in 1986 (it was 1987) and then being in a match with two little people the next year. Now Miz is going to break the record for the longest fall. He's issued an open challenge to prove his worth to Ace.
The Miz vs. Sheamus
Slugout to start and Miz gets in a kick to the chest. Not that it matters as Sheamus takes his head off with a double ax. Miz comes back but has his low DDT countered. Fireman's carry roll gets two. Ace and Otunga are watching in the back. Miz hooks a neckbreaker and then a chinlock but Sheamus comes back and the Brogue Kick kills Miz dead at 2:59. Nothing to see here but Cole is now calling Sheamus the Dublin Destroyer.
We recap the Jericho/Punk's sister thing from earlier.
Orton comes out for an interview on the stage. He says he's not responsible for Kane changing so much lately. He's not a monster, he's not a big red machine, he's not the devil's favorite demon. He's Randy Orton....and that's that.
Clips of an anti-bullying campaign event, which seems to be a way to get Stephanie on TV again.
Vickie introduces Dolph and Swagger as members of Team Johnny.
Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth
Kofi and Jack start and Kofi gets double teamed into trouble. Aksana is out here for some reason. Off to Dolph who has a neckbreaker countered into a backslide for two. Dropkick gets two for Dolph. Back to Swagger who does pushups on Kofi's back. Hot tag minus the heat brings in Truth to clean house. Swagger gets knocked to the floor and Kofi takes him down with a clothesline. Axe kick misses Dolph and the Fameasser hits (with Truth diving down before it hit him) for the pin at 4:35. Vickie shoved Truth's foot off the rope.
Aksana and Vickie brawl after the match. Kofi's eyes are hilarious when he pulls them apart.
We get a clip from last night at MSG where HHH used a tombstone and the Taker pin/tongue for the pin.
Time for the big in ring confrontation with HHH, Taker and Shawn. Gee, I wonder what they're going to say. Shawn talks about how he has the end of an era in his hand, but everyone knows that's code for end of the Streak. Taker comes out and says this match has to stay pure. HHH comes out before much else can be said and says stop worrying about Shawn and worry about HHH. It's also not about Shawn, despite how much Shawn wants it to be.
HHH talks about the Cell and how these two have defined them. The Cell has gone from being the devil's playground to HHH's proving ground. I wouldn't go that far but it's HHH so reality is usually thrown out the window for his promos. The world will see the end of an era, and it'll be Undertaker's era.
HHH starts to say that he knows what it'll take to beat Taker in the Cell, but Taker cuts him off and asks if he really knows. Taker asks if HHH is willing to put it all on the line at Mania. HHH says he is ready and he will. Does that mean Streak vs. career? It's never stated clearly. Taker goes to leave but comes back and asks if HHH remembers when Taker said Shawn was better than HHH? Well he is. And that's the end. Ok then.
Results
Kane b. Big Show – Chokeslam off the middle rope
David Otunga b. Santino Marella – Spinebuster
Daniel Bryan b. Zach Ryder – LeBell Lock
John Cena b. Mark Henry – Attitude Adjustment
Sheamus b. The Miz – Brogue Kick
Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger b. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth – Fameasser to R-Truth
Tuesday
The FCW announcement may not be true. Not sure yet.
Raw got a 3.1, down from last week.
Wednesday
NXT
Date: March 21, 2012
Location: Prudential Center, Newark, New Jersey
Commentators: William Regal, Josh Matthews
Back to NXT Land with another episode. I barely remember anything about last week's show and that can't be a good sign. I believe Kaitlyn and Bateman finally hooked up, much to Maxine's dismay. I've basically given up on the idea of Regal doing anything to change the show around, putting the GM change into the column that most of this show would fall under: totally pointless. Let's get to it.
The opening video that they've added the last few weeks is actually pretty good.
Striker is in the ring to open the show and talks about how Regal has made four matches with McGillicutty vs. Kidd capping it off.
Curt Hawkins vs. Justin Gabriel
Justin chops him into the corner to start but misses what looked to be a springboard clothesline. Hawkins takes over after the crash, getting two off a slam. Off to a chinlock which implies this is going to be a very short match. Justin comes back with a jumping back kick off the middle rope, setting up a quick 450 for the pin at 2:23. Not a bad match and not quite a squash, but if Hawkins is going to be one of the top heels on this show he really needs to be fixed up a lot.
Bateman and Kaitlyn hold hands are in the back and are all happy. Tamina comes up to talk about how termites mate for life. She wants to find her termite. Bateman and Kaitlyn leave so Young and Titus come up to hit on her. They make fun of the Usos and Darren starts to ask her out. The Usos come up and Tamina isn't happy with them I don't think. So JTG is just gone I'm guessing? I can't complain about that. There's a singles match later and the Usos leave her with the two of them.
Darren Young vs. Jimmy Uso
Jey sits in on commentary. Jimmy starts off with chops in the corner and knocks Young to the floor. Back inside and they slug it out and Jimmy is sent to the floor. Jey really isn't that great on commentary. We take a break with Jimmy on the floor and come back with Young pounding away from a mounted position. Jimmy manages to send him into the corner but he charges into two boots. Regal talks about his brother being in the biology department at Oxford University. Apparently he's in a jar and has two heads.
Off to a chinlock by Young as the fans are behind the Usos. The fans always seem to react to them, unlike the tag champions where no one seems to care. That being said, I'd be stunned if the Usos get a title run in the next four months. Jimmy makes his comeback and takes Young down out of the corner. Jey gets off commentary to lead cheers. Jimmy comes back with a Samoan drop and some dancing, followed by the Umaga hip attack in the corner for two. He goes up but Darren gets in some forearms and rams Jimmy shoulder first into the post. The double knee gutbuster gets the pin at 6:25.
Titus brags to Tamina in the back.
Josh Matthews gets a message on his phone that his car has been stolen and goes to look into it.
We cut to the back where Curtis and Maxine talk about how they faked the message in an effort to get Matthews off commentary, so that Maxine can get on commentary with Regal and talk her way off this show. Insert your THIS IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF A CAMERA line here. Curtis pulls out a chloroform soaked rag (Maxine: WHY DO YOU HAVE CHLOROFORM??? Curtis: Why don't I have chloroform?) and knocks out.....Striker. They throw him in a crate and Maxine seems ok with it. Fox comes up after Maxine leaves and is disgusted by Curtis in a totally pointless scene.
Here's Maxine coming out for commentary. She comes out with a box of gifts: oils and lotions etc.
Percy Watson vs. Tyler Reks
Maxine is flirting with Regal and probably will be for the rest of the show. Watson tries to get the crowd clapping and it works for about three seconds. Maxine is massaging Regal's feet as Watson takes over and sends Reks to the floor. Reks yells at Watson as Watson dives over the top to take out Reks. We take a break to tell you to check out WWE's new website which you have to be on if you're watching this show in America, and come back with Reks in control.
Regal talks about I think his brother being a professional doughnut stealer. Reks works over the arm and Regal compliments Maxine on her foot massaging abilities. Watson comes back by ramming Reks into the corner. Maxine is rubbing Regal's scalp as Watson hits a dropkick. Heisman gets two. A top rope cross body is rolled through for two for Reks. Persecution ends this at 6:24.
Matthews is back on commentary.
Raw ReBound thankfully doesn't recap the whole closing segment of Raw. I couldn't sit through that again.
Curtis opens the crate in the back but Striker is gone. Maxine comes up and says let him out but Curtis won't let her open it. Maxine: “You killed him didn't you?” He opens the crate and there's a note saying “we know what you did, we have Striker, we'll come to you with demands.” Bateman and Kaitlyn pop up and Maxine accuses them of having something to do with it. They leave and Maxine knocks him into the crate. So we have someone using chloroform and an apparent kidnapping. Do the words CALL THE COPS mean anything around here?
We recap McGillicutty vs. Kidd which is being treated like a huge match. It wasn't that great of a match in the first place but for NXT, this is a well built feud. McGillicutty beat him, Kidd wanted a rematch, McGillicutty said no, they yelled at each other and McGillicutty said yes.
Michael McGillicutty vs. Tyson Kidd
Kidd starts off with two dropkicks and headscissors McGillicutty to the floor. He hits a slow motion rana to send McGillicutty into the barricade and we take a break. Back in the ring with McGillicutty ducking his head so Kidd can break the momentum with a kick. Kidd misses a charge though and crashes into the ropes and out to the floor. McGillicutty rams him into the table which gets two in the ring.
Off to a chinlock as Regal says these two will be huge stars over the next twenty years. Kidd grabs a quick rollup for two but a clothesline takes him right back down. McGillicutty shouts that Kidd isn't a Hart and it's off to a chinlock again. Kidd comes back with some kicks and a dropkick to the side of the head for two. A dropkick to the ribs puts McGillicutty into 619 position but on the bottom rope.
Kidd hits a slingshot legdrop to the back of McGillicutty's head for two. Michael comes back with a Saito Suplex for two and Kidd is in trouble. Kidd tries an O'Connor Roll but it gets reversed for two. McGillicutty reverses the reversal into a rollup for two. Kidd takes Snake Eyes into the corner but avoids the McGillicutter. Sharpshooter is countered as Kidd is kicked to the apron but he comes back in with a slingshot reverse victory roll (best way I can describe it) for the pin at 8:17.
McGillicutty says Kidd is going to regret that and he'll go after Kidd where it hurts the most: his heart.
Results
Justin Gabriel b. Curt Hawkins – 450 Splash
Darren Young b. Jimmy Uso – Double Knee Gutbuster
Percy Watson b. Tyler Reks – Persecution
Tyson Kidd b. Michael McGillicutty – Slingshot Rollup
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 22, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
We're past Victory Road and not a lot has changed. Roode has finally put Sting away followed by a pretty strange post match attempted beatdown of Sting which resulted in Dixie Carter saving him. Other than that the interesting thing was Aries seemingly being turned face by the power of the crowd. That's probably the right thing for him as it has meant huge pushes in the past. Let's get to it.
We open with the ending to last Sunday's PPV. Sting has a severe concussion apparently. Dixie is going to have something to say right after the opening sequence.
Here's Dixie and great she's crying. She talks about how Roode disrespects the company and the fans. Dixie goes on the rant about how she's been talking to attorneys and management and she only has one option. Cue Sting because we can't do anything in this company without holding a meeting. He says that firing Roode isn't the answer isn't a good idea because it means that Storm can't get his revenge at Lockdown. The fans chant that they want revenge. Sting says the GM position isn't working....and we go to a break.
Back with them still in the ring. Sting says that Dixie has put all of her faith into Sting and he did the best he could, but it's not enough. At Victory Road, the company came alive and Sting can't be both a part time GM and a part time wrestler. Due to the concussion, he has to go home for awhile and get better, and he'll come back better. He's going to come back as a full time wrestler. Sting steps down as GM but says he's got the right man in mind to replace him: Hulk Hogan. Dixie cries even more but doesn't say yes or no.
Ray is mad and is taking hostages tonight.
X-Division Title: Anthony Nese vs. Zema Ion vs. Kid Kash vs. Austin Aries
One fall to a finish. Ion tries a quick rollup but goes to the floor with the champ. Kash avoids a cross body by Nese but is thrown to the floor and is holding his ankle. Aries vs. Nese now and the champ is in trouble. Ion comes back in and Aries hits a combination DDT to Ion/Downward Spiral to Nese. Out to the floor and Aries hits the suicide dive to Ion. Ion hits the Sorensen Killer and Nese hits a moonsault plancha to take out all three guys. They bust out the Tower of Doom with Ion nearly getting killed by the powerbomb from Aries. And here's Bully Ray to beat them all up and the match is thrown out at 4:35.
Ray says that his name is in fact Bully Ray.
Mexican America has their lowrider towed by some guy from a Spike show about repossessing. He asks them trivia in order to get to keep their car. This is annoying. They only get 1/3 and lose the car. They say they'll all win tag titles tonight and pay off the debt to keep the car.
Knockout Tag Titles: ODB/Eric Young vs. Rosita/Sarita
The wedding is April 12. Oh great. Eric and Rosita start us off but Eric tags out to ODB with no contact. She takes Rosita down and misses the Bronco Buster. Sarita comes in and doesn't do much so it's back to Rosita. She takes a kick in the chest and a “spear” to set up the tag to Young. He does some cartwheels and takes off his pants. The girls hit on Eric and ODB gets mad about it. ODB cleans house and hits the Bam on Rosita before asking where Eric's ring is. He can't produce it so she kisses him and puts Eric on top of Rosita for the pin at 4:20.
We recap Crimson and Morgan from Sunday. We cut to Crimson watching Morgan's Direct Auto Insurance commercials and saying that he should have been in there but it was all about Morgan. Crimson says that then Morgan started dropping the ball in the ring so Crimson took out the trash on Sunday and he feels better now. He challenges Morgan to a match next week when Morgan pops in and the backstage brawl of the week begins.
Dixie doesn't know what to do about Sting.
Hardy says Angle talked a lot of trash before the PPV and now Jeff wants him in a cage where ropes won't matter. Joseph Park shows up and asks for any information about Abyss. Hardy doesn't have any so Park gives him his card.
Video on Roode vs. Storm at Lockdown. This includes a retrospective of their careers in TNA, including a blink and you'll miss it shot of CM Punk. Make that two blinks and you'll miss it shots of Punk. Good video.
Here's Storm in the ring to talk about right and wrong. It's wrong that football is only 18 weeks a year. It's wrong when two people work 40 hours a week and can't take their kids on vacation because gas is $4.00 a gallon. It's wrong what Roode did at the PPV so he'll make it right at the PPV. Storm calls Roode out here right now so he can beat some right into him.
Instead he gets some guy in a suit who says his name is William Kelly and he's Roode's legal adviser. He has a statement from Roode which says Roode isn't going to be around until Lockdown because that's all he's obligated to do and there's an unsafe working environment. Ok now they're flat out stealing from Smackdown. Roode suggests that Storm fight Daniels or Kaz tonight so Storm says he'll fight both. Storm says he has a message for Roode. But the lawyer doesn't have a pen. Instead, here's a Last Call for the lawyer.
Angle says Hardy is crazy for wanting a rematch and is asked about Garrett surviving the five minute challenge. Garrett just happens to be walking by and Angle yells at him. There's a three minute challenge tonight. Oh and Angle hates him.
Kurt Angle vs. Garrett Bischoff
Just a small observation: Christy Hemme can't talk, but she looks GREAT in leather pants. This is a three minute challenge. They talk trash to start and Garrett gets shoved a few times. There's a slap as they're just standing there. One minute down. Garrett gets in some offense like a clothesline and flapjack plus that stupid falling Diamond Cutter that he does. Angle throws him to the floor and we have a minute to go. Garrett chills on the floor and plays keepaway. And here's Gunner for the DQ at about 2:32.
Hardy makes the save.
The Guns are still coming back.
Tag Titles: Mexican America vs. Samoa Joe/Magnus
Mexican America still has jobs? Joe starts with Hernandez and pounds him down into the corner. Off to Magnus and the champions double team a bit, resulting in a Joe backsplash for two. SuperMex takes over on Magnus and hits a backbreaker for two. Anarquia comes in for all of two seconds before it's back to Hernandez for a bearhug and jumping shoulder.
Hot tag brings in Joe who steps out of the way of a jumping Anarquia. Hernandez runs into the release Rock Bottom out of the corner. The Koquina Clutch puts Anarquia down but the girls distract the referee. The Repo Games guy comes back out and the referee STILL misses the tap so Hernandez breaks it up. Not that it matters as the finishing sequence from the champs pins Anarquia at 5:32.
Hogan says he doesn't know anything about being the new GM.
The Repo Games guy is back AGAIN and takes the car but has to duck a swing from Anarquia beforehand. Oh and he takes the girls who go willingly.
James Storm vs. Kazarian/Christopher Daniels
Daniels tries to jump Storm from the entrance which completely fails. Into the ring now and the heels don't have to tag. There isn't much to say here: they double team Storm for awhile but Storm comes back with the Last Call to Daniels to win in 3:15.
Here are Sting and Dixie to do the GM thing. Sting says trust Hogan, Dixie says ok, Hogan comes out, Sting starts a Hogan chant, and we're done.
Results
Austin Aries vs. Anthony Nese vs. Zema Ion vs. Kid Kash went to a no contest when Bully Ray interfered
Eric Young/ODB b. Rosita/Sarita – Young pinned Rosita after The Bam from ODB
Garrett Bischoff b. Kurt Angle via DQ when Gunner interfered
Samoa Joe/Magnus b. Mexican America – Middle Rope Elbow to Anarquia
James Storm b. Christopher Daniels/Kazarian – Last Call to Daniels
Friday
Impact got a 1.1, up slightly.
Smackdown
Date: March 23, 2012
Location: Prudential Center, Newark, New Jersey
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews
We're closing in on Wrestlemania even more now and the main event tonight is, you guessed it, another tag match. For some reason Miz is in this match instead of Jericho, teaming with Bryan to face Punk/Sheamus. I don't get that: why not have all four of them in the same match? Either way, having Sheamus and Bryan in the same ring is a good thing as they need all the help they can get at this point. Let's get to it.
Do You Know Your Enemy? Mine is the Indiana Hoosiers. They need to be eliminated.
Here are AJ and Bryan to open the show. Good heat on the champ here. Bryan celebrates before saying anything else. AJ is asked what's so great about being Bryan's girlfriend. He has soft lips, he caresses her and sometimes they spoon. She calls him Danny and gets corrected before going into a list of his better traits. Being a vegan is a good thing. She isn't as thrilled about this batch of them. Most importantly AJ feels safe. Bryan whispers something to her to say and she says it's a little personal. He says say it, so AJ says he's a great lover. Oh and he'll keep the title at Wrestlemania.
Bryan starts a cheer for himself but here's Sheamus. They've at least been having these two interact a bit which has been a plus. Sheamus says he threw up in his mouth a bit back there listening to this. He makes fun of the soft lips stuff and says he doesn't want to go there, but he does want to go to Wrestlemania. Sheamus calls him Danny which is corrected and also starts a chant. He calls Bryan Danny Boy which doesn't sit well with the champ either. “If you don't like that, you'll hate being called the former World Heavyweight Champion.” Sheamus says he'll kick Bryan's teeth down his throat. I liked this a lot.
R-Truth vs. Mark Henry
Truth hammers away which works about as well as any other attacks by average sized men on monsters. Truth gets knocked down by a headbutt and is sent to the floor. Henry crushes Truth's head against the steps and they go back inside. Henry misses an elbow drop and Truth hits a seated dropkick and a low DDT for one. Truth goes up and jumps into the World's Strongest Slam for the pin at 2:59. Total squash. Team Johnny wins again. I know they're winning at the PPV but at least make it look possible. Please?
Big Show vs. Kane again tonight.
We get what might be a first: the debut of a Hall of Fame announcement on Smackdown. It's Yokozuna. No issues with that. Mil Mascaras is mentioned as going in with this class, which I believe is the first time that's been mentioned on WWE TV.
We get a clip from Raw of Ryder's rally and cut to Team Teddy in Long's office. Teddy says he needs more convincing so Horny comes in with a Team Teddy flag. He's the official mascot of the team now. Khali comes in wearing Ryder gear and says Woo Woo Woo You Know It. Ryder and Khali are on the team now. Well it's better than no appearance at all. His stuff with Kane and Cena is never going to be mentioned again is it?
AJ vs. Brie Bella
AJ is the home state girl being from Jersey. An inset interview from the Bellas has them talking about how Brie doesn't want Nikki's advice because Nikki lost last week. Booker apologizes for one of his statements about AJ recently. Which statement that is he doesn't list but whatever. Brie controls to start and stomps away at AJ. Bryan's advice: do better. Off to a chinlock which is pretty quickly broken. AJ hooks a Fujiwara Armbar and a decent one. Nikki gets up on the apron to distract AJ but Brie rams into Nikki and is rolled up for the pin at 2:48.
Post match we find out that Brie is Team Teddy and Nikki is Team Johnny. Brie leads a T-E-D-D-Y cheer. That's just what this feud needed: THE BELLAS!
Jack Swagger vs. Zack Ryder
Apparently Lillian legitimately screwed up the entrance and called Ryder “The Long Island Iced Z, Jack Swagger.” The fans are WAY into Ryder. They better be careful or he'll get sent down to NXT. He controls to start and hammers on Swagger but Jack moves out of the way in the corner. Swagger uses almost a judo throw to take Ryder down and throws on a top wristlock.
Ryder gets his knees up in the corner and starts his comeback. He slams Swagger's face into the mat and hits the Broski Boot for two. Rough Ryder is countered into a buckle bomb followed by it's Vader cousin for two. Horny chases Vickie onto the apron and the distraction allows the Rough Ryder to get the pin at 4:30.
We get a clip from Monday of Cody attacking Big Show.
Earlier today, Cody says he's been enjoying embarrassing Big Show lately. The biggest embarrassment is going to be at Mania though. Knucklehead 2 perhaps? Cody leaves, saying he has a plane to catch. Then why did you come to the arena?
Big Show vs. Kane
Show starts off fast and runs over Kane. He hammers away and Kane bails to the floor. Kane sends Show into the post and hits the low dropkick back in the ring. Kane hooks a chinlock but Show gets up and they clothesline each other. Show gets up and starts pounding on Kane but the big fried freak comes back with a DDT for two. Kane goes up but jumps into a chokeslam. Cody runs in for the DQ at 3:45.
Show chases Rhodes into the crowd. Orton comes in and RKOs Kane.
Same anti-bullying video from Raw.
Brodus Clay vs. Heath Slater
Brodus is in green tonight. Notice that the announcers have stopped seeming to have a blast when he comes out. It's like they've been told to cool it or something. Slater dropkicks the knee out and hits an enziguri, perhaps becoming the first person to ever cover Brodus. Brodus comes back with his usual and the splash ends this in 1:24. This guy needs a feud in the worst way. Throw him on Team Teddy if nothing else.
Ryder runs into Eve in the back and they say they're both going to Wrestlemania. Zack says she's beautiful and smart, which Eve takes as an insult because she thinks Ryder sounds like it was a recent development. She storms off, saying their dinner is off. This is going to go on for a long time isn't it?
Raw ReBound is about the three way talking session that didn't say anything new from the end of Raw.
Great Khali vs. Dolph Ziggler
Christian is on commentary. Cole again points out how one sided the team situation is and how serious one side is while how goofy the other is. Christian gets a text from Johnny, who is all of 8 feet from him. Khali throws Ziggler around and chops him down. Ziggler gets in a shot and hammers away as Booker argues with Booker. Christian wants Cole to be Team Johnny's mascot. Khali comes back with his array of clotheslines but the chop misses. Sleeper goes on and Ace rings the bell at 2:42, Montreal style. Yep, that just happened.
Teddy says hang on a minute and restarts it. Ziggler is given to ten to get back in and doesn't get back in. Santino and Kofi throw him in anyway and Khali chops him down. I'm already sick of this feud because there are SO many people in it and there are still two more to be added.
CM Punk/Sheamus vs. The Miz/Daniel Bryan
Is there any logical reason for Jericho not to be in this? Sheamus and Bryan start but Bryan immediately tags out. Sheamus takes over with a headlock and clothesline and it's time for Punk. The slingshot shoulder brings Sheamus back in and gets two. Irish Curse gets two. Sheamus pulls Bryan in but the distraction lets Miz knock him to the floor and Bryan adds a knee to the head as we take a break.
Back with Miz kicking Sheamus in the head and putting on a chinlock. A backdrop gets Sheamus out of trouble and he makes the tag to Punk. The champ comes in with a springboard clothesline and the running knee/bulldog combo takes Miz down. He loads up the Macho Elbow but Bryan distracts him down. Miz hits the low DDT for two and it's time for champion vs. champion.
Bryan chokes Punk out and we get a Danny Boy chant. Booker says Miz has been surpassed by his former pupil. Miz gets in a shot to the back to keep Punk from getting momentum and then adds a kneelift for two. Punk takes Miz down and there's the tag, resulting in Bryan running for his life. Sheamus cleans house and hits the forearms to the chest of Bryan. The Brogue Kick kills Miz at 6:43 shown of 10:13.
Results
Mark Henry b. R-Truth – World's Strongest Slam
AJ b. Brie Bella – Rollup
Zack Ryder b. Jack Swagger – Rough Ryder
Big Show b. Kane via DQ when Cody Rhodes interfered
Brodus Clay b. Heath Slater – Big Splash
Great Khali b. Dolph Ziggler via countout
CM Punk/Sheamus b. The Miz/Daniel Bryan – Brogue Kick to Miz
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Nothing.
Quick Results
Raw
Kane b. Big Show – Chokeslam off the middle rope
David Otunga b. Santino Marella – Spinebuster
Daniel Bryan b. Zach Ryder – LeBell Lock
John Cena b. Mark Henry – Attitude Adjustment
Sheamus b. The Miz – Brogue Kick
Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger b. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth – Fameasser to R-Truth
NXT
Justin Gabriel b. Curt Hawkins – 450 Splash
Darren Young b. Jimmy Uso – Double Knee Gutbuster
Percy Watson b. Tyler Reks – Persecution
Tyson Kidd b. Michael McGillicutty – Slingshot Rollup
Impact Wrestling
Austin Aries vs. Anthony Nese vs. Zema Ion vs. Kid Kash went to a no contest when Bully Ray interfered
Eric Young/ODB b. Rosita/Sarita – Young pinned Rosita after The Bam from ODB
Garrett Bischoff b. Kurt Angle via DQ when Gunner interfered
Samoa Joe/Magnus b. Mexican America – Middle Rope Elbow to Anarquia
James Storm b. Christopher Daniels/Kazarian – Last Call to Daniels
Smackdown
Mark Henry b. R-Truth – World's Strongest Slam
AJ b. Brie Bella – Rollup
Zack Ryder b. Jack Swagger – Rough Ryder
Big Show b. Kane via DQ when Cody Rhodes interfered
Brodus Clay b. Heath Slater – Big Splash
Great Khali b. Dolph Ziggler via countout
CM Punk/Sheamus b. The Miz/Daniel Bryan – Brogue Kick to Miz
John Cena was in a car wreck. This sounds like kayfabe to me. There were three cars involved, one of which was a tractor. No injuries were reported.
Smackdown got a 1.9, the same as last week but viewership was down. It should be noted that the NCAA Tournament was going on. It should also be noted that Smackdown beat the Ultimate Fighter Live.
WWE has shut down FCW. There's talk of opening a new developmental organization in Connecticut eventually.
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 19, 2012
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole
We're almost to Wrestlemania but first of all we have to go through the scariest place on the planet in wrestling: Philly. Cena is likely to get crucified here although I'm not sure if Rock is scheduled for tonight or not. I do know that Michaels, HHH and Undertaker are all scheduled to be in the ring at the same time though. Not much else to say other than that so let's get to it.
Theme song opens us up.
Rock is indeed here tonight.
We open with Punk coming to the ring with a full introduction. That's not something you hear that often anymore but ok. Before he talks we get a clip from last week with the Jericho talk about Punk possibly becoming an alcoholic. Punk talks about how last week Jericho told the world that Punk's father is an alcoholic. He says he feels like he's naked in front of the world. Punk talks about how everyone has been affected by alcohol somehow.
He's not going to allow Jericho to convince kids everywhere that because their life sucks they're going to turn to the bottle. Punk may have alcoholism in his genes but the addiction in him is going to become Jericho's problem. Punk says that Jericho left out the ending where Punk's dad overcame his demons. He's proud of his father and he's proud of being straightedge. Alcoholism is an obstacle but he finds ways around obstacles. His next obstacle is Chris Jericho, and at Wrestlemania he's going straight through him.
Punk is about to leave when Jericho pops up on the monitor. He's not here tonight and is in a suit. Jericho sounds somber here and says this is Chris, not Jericho with no bravado and no fancy jacket. He crossed the line last week and he's sorry. Jericho will never say anything else about Punk's father on this show again. However, he'll talk about Punk's sister's substance abuse problems quite a bit. Punk freaks out while Jericho talks about Punk's sister being a drug addict. That means Punk is pre-disposed to being addicted. Punk drops a bunch of censored words and yells at Jericho. Good segment.
Kane vs. Big Show
Before the match we get a highlight reel of Show at Mania from Cody Rhodes. Cody has on boxing gloves at ringside. Show takes him down quickly and goes to the middle rope, but Cody gets on the apron. Show shoves him off and Kane chokeslams Show off the ropes for the pin at 49 seconds.
Post match Cody hits the Beautiful Disaster. He handcuffs Show to the ropes and pounds on him with the boxing gloves. Show yells at Cody to run, which Cody does despite Show being cuffed. They get him freed but Show is all messed up from getting beaten on.
Santino Marella vs. David Otunga
We start with a posedown and Santino has abs painted on. He hurts his leg posing so Otunga hammers away. Santino comes back with his usual and loads up the Cobra. Ace slides in his phone for some reason so Santino stomps on it. He walks into Otunga's spinebuster, putting the champion at 0-2 in his last two matches on Raw since winning the thing. The match ran about 1:45. I'm REALLY getting tired of these losses for champions.
Teddy slaps Ace post match and runs off so he can dance on the stage.
Lord Tensai (A-Train) is coming.
Rock is in front of the Rocky statue and says this is the city with a fighting spirit. We get a picture of him at 12 years old posing in front of the statue. Rock talks about training to become an icon and watching the first Wrestlemania and then Wrestlemania 6. He loved the Warrior. He had no idea what Warrior was talking about, but then again no one did. Then at Wrestlemania 15, right here in Philadelphia, Rock main evented his first Wrestlemania....and he got Stunned and lost.
Then Rock went on to beat Austin and Hogan at Wrestlemania, and that leaves just one person: John Cena. Tonight, Rock is coming to the arena and he's going to send Cena a message. If Cena doesn't get that message, Rock is going to get back in his car and drive to Pat's (famous Philadelphia cheese steak place) and say that he wants it both with and without (it's a Pat's thing). That way he can turn it sideways, and I think you know the rest. Then all the greats will say bang bang, WOO and from up above, oh yeah. Rocky is going to eat lightning, crap thunder, and layeth the smacketh down. Rock continues to be better on location.
Daniel Bryan vs. Zach Ryder
We get a clip from earlier today with Ryder holding a rally to become part of Team Teddy. Ryder has black trunks now. AJ looks GREAT tonight. Ryder controls and hits the Broski Boot but the Rough Ryder is countered into the LeBell Lock for the tap at 1:45.
Flo Rida is going to play Rock to the ring.
John Cena vs. Mark Henry
Henry throws Cena around a few times to start including once to the floor. Back in and Cena is down again, this time off a failed shoulder. Henry knocks him into the corner using the power. Back to the floor and Henry won't let him back in. He rams Cena into the barricade and yells at him as we go to a break. Back with Cena breaking free of a hold but getting run over quickly. Splash gets two. They talk about the car accident and imply Cena is off a step because of it. Cena avoids a charge in the corner and hits a belly to back to set up the Shuffle. AA and the Slam fail but the second AA gets the pin at 8:11.
Post match Rock immediately comes out and lays out Henry with a Rock Bottom. He points to the catchphrase on his shirt and walks out.
We get a clip of Shawn being announced as the guest referee. We saw the acceptance of the Cell stipulations earlier.
We get clips of the Divas deal on Extra. Eve is officially Beth's sidekick. Maria pinned Beth on Raw once. A tag match at Mania comes out of this.
Miz is in the ring to talk about.....King Kong Bundy? He talks about Bundy being in the main event of Wrestlemania in 1986 (it was 1987) and then being in a match with two little people the next year. Now Miz is going to break the record for the longest fall. He's issued an open challenge to prove his worth to Ace.
The Miz vs. Sheamus
Slugout to start and Miz gets in a kick to the chest. Not that it matters as Sheamus takes his head off with a double ax. Miz comes back but has his low DDT countered. Fireman's carry roll gets two. Ace and Otunga are watching in the back. Miz hooks a neckbreaker and then a chinlock but Sheamus comes back and the Brogue Kick kills Miz dead at 2:59. Nothing to see here but Cole is now calling Sheamus the Dublin Destroyer.
We recap the Jericho/Punk's sister thing from earlier.
Orton comes out for an interview on the stage. He says he's not responsible for Kane changing so much lately. He's not a monster, he's not a big red machine, he's not the devil's favorite demon. He's Randy Orton....and that's that.
Clips of an anti-bullying campaign event, which seems to be a way to get Stephanie on TV again.
Vickie introduces Dolph and Swagger as members of Team Johnny.
Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth
Kofi and Jack start and Kofi gets double teamed into trouble. Aksana is out here for some reason. Off to Dolph who has a neckbreaker countered into a backslide for two. Dropkick gets two for Dolph. Back to Swagger who does pushups on Kofi's back. Hot tag minus the heat brings in Truth to clean house. Swagger gets knocked to the floor and Kofi takes him down with a clothesline. Axe kick misses Dolph and the Fameasser hits (with Truth diving down before it hit him) for the pin at 4:35. Vickie shoved Truth's foot off the rope.
Aksana and Vickie brawl after the match. Kofi's eyes are hilarious when he pulls them apart.
We get a clip from last night at MSG where HHH used a tombstone and the Taker pin/tongue for the pin.
Time for the big in ring confrontation with HHH, Taker and Shawn. Gee, I wonder what they're going to say. Shawn talks about how he has the end of an era in his hand, but everyone knows that's code for end of the Streak. Taker comes out and says this match has to stay pure. HHH comes out before much else can be said and says stop worrying about Shawn and worry about HHH. It's also not about Shawn, despite how much Shawn wants it to be.
HHH talks about the Cell and how these two have defined them. The Cell has gone from being the devil's playground to HHH's proving ground. I wouldn't go that far but it's HHH so reality is usually thrown out the window for his promos. The world will see the end of an era, and it'll be Undertaker's era.
HHH starts to say that he knows what it'll take to beat Taker in the Cell, but Taker cuts him off and asks if he really knows. Taker asks if HHH is willing to put it all on the line at Mania. HHH says he is ready and he will. Does that mean Streak vs. career? It's never stated clearly. Taker goes to leave but comes back and asks if HHH remembers when Taker said Shawn was better than HHH? Well he is. And that's the end. Ok then.
Results
Kane b. Big Show – Chokeslam off the middle rope
David Otunga b. Santino Marella – Spinebuster
Daniel Bryan b. Zach Ryder – LeBell Lock
John Cena b. Mark Henry – Attitude Adjustment
Sheamus b. The Miz – Brogue Kick
Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger b. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth – Fameasser to R-Truth
Tuesday
The FCW announcement may not be true. Not sure yet.
Raw got a 3.1, down from last week.
Wednesday
NXT
Date: March 21, 2012
Location: Prudential Center, Newark, New Jersey
Commentators: William Regal, Josh Matthews
Back to NXT Land with another episode. I barely remember anything about last week's show and that can't be a good sign. I believe Kaitlyn and Bateman finally hooked up, much to Maxine's dismay. I've basically given up on the idea of Regal doing anything to change the show around, putting the GM change into the column that most of this show would fall under: totally pointless. Let's get to it.
The opening video that they've added the last few weeks is actually pretty good.
Striker is in the ring to open the show and talks about how Regal has made four matches with McGillicutty vs. Kidd capping it off.
Curt Hawkins vs. Justin Gabriel
Justin chops him into the corner to start but misses what looked to be a springboard clothesline. Hawkins takes over after the crash, getting two off a slam. Off to a chinlock which implies this is going to be a very short match. Justin comes back with a jumping back kick off the middle rope, setting up a quick 450 for the pin at 2:23. Not a bad match and not quite a squash, but if Hawkins is going to be one of the top heels on this show he really needs to be fixed up a lot.
Bateman and Kaitlyn hold hands are in the back and are all happy. Tamina comes up to talk about how termites mate for life. She wants to find her termite. Bateman and Kaitlyn leave so Young and Titus come up to hit on her. They make fun of the Usos and Darren starts to ask her out. The Usos come up and Tamina isn't happy with them I don't think. So JTG is just gone I'm guessing? I can't complain about that. There's a singles match later and the Usos leave her with the two of them.
Darren Young vs. Jimmy Uso
Jey sits in on commentary. Jimmy starts off with chops in the corner and knocks Young to the floor. Back inside and they slug it out and Jimmy is sent to the floor. Jey really isn't that great on commentary. We take a break with Jimmy on the floor and come back with Young pounding away from a mounted position. Jimmy manages to send him into the corner but he charges into two boots. Regal talks about his brother being in the biology department at Oxford University. Apparently he's in a jar and has two heads.
Off to a chinlock by Young as the fans are behind the Usos. The fans always seem to react to them, unlike the tag champions where no one seems to care. That being said, I'd be stunned if the Usos get a title run in the next four months. Jimmy makes his comeback and takes Young down out of the corner. Jey gets off commentary to lead cheers. Jimmy comes back with a Samoan drop and some dancing, followed by the Umaga hip attack in the corner for two. He goes up but Darren gets in some forearms and rams Jimmy shoulder first into the post. The double knee gutbuster gets the pin at 6:25.
Titus brags to Tamina in the back.
Josh Matthews gets a message on his phone that his car has been stolen and goes to look into it.
We cut to the back where Curtis and Maxine talk about how they faked the message in an effort to get Matthews off commentary, so that Maxine can get on commentary with Regal and talk her way off this show. Insert your THIS IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF A CAMERA line here. Curtis pulls out a chloroform soaked rag (Maxine: WHY DO YOU HAVE CHLOROFORM??? Curtis: Why don't I have chloroform?) and knocks out.....Striker. They throw him in a crate and Maxine seems ok with it. Fox comes up after Maxine leaves and is disgusted by Curtis in a totally pointless scene.
Here's Maxine coming out for commentary. She comes out with a box of gifts: oils and lotions etc.
Percy Watson vs. Tyler Reks
Maxine is flirting with Regal and probably will be for the rest of the show. Watson tries to get the crowd clapping and it works for about three seconds. Maxine is massaging Regal's feet as Watson takes over and sends Reks to the floor. Reks yells at Watson as Watson dives over the top to take out Reks. We take a break to tell you to check out WWE's new website which you have to be on if you're watching this show in America, and come back with Reks in control.
Regal talks about I think his brother being a professional doughnut stealer. Reks works over the arm and Regal compliments Maxine on her foot massaging abilities. Watson comes back by ramming Reks into the corner. Maxine is rubbing Regal's scalp as Watson hits a dropkick. Heisman gets two. A top rope cross body is rolled through for two for Reks. Persecution ends this at 6:24.
Matthews is back on commentary.
Raw ReBound thankfully doesn't recap the whole closing segment of Raw. I couldn't sit through that again.
Curtis opens the crate in the back but Striker is gone. Maxine comes up and says let him out but Curtis won't let her open it. Maxine: “You killed him didn't you?” He opens the crate and there's a note saying “we know what you did, we have Striker, we'll come to you with demands.” Bateman and Kaitlyn pop up and Maxine accuses them of having something to do with it. They leave and Maxine knocks him into the crate. So we have someone using chloroform and an apparent kidnapping. Do the words CALL THE COPS mean anything around here?
We recap McGillicutty vs. Kidd which is being treated like a huge match. It wasn't that great of a match in the first place but for NXT, this is a well built feud. McGillicutty beat him, Kidd wanted a rematch, McGillicutty said no, they yelled at each other and McGillicutty said yes.
Michael McGillicutty vs. Tyson Kidd
Kidd starts off with two dropkicks and headscissors McGillicutty to the floor. He hits a slow motion rana to send McGillicutty into the barricade and we take a break. Back in the ring with McGillicutty ducking his head so Kidd can break the momentum with a kick. Kidd misses a charge though and crashes into the ropes and out to the floor. McGillicutty rams him into the table which gets two in the ring.
Off to a chinlock as Regal says these two will be huge stars over the next twenty years. Kidd grabs a quick rollup for two but a clothesline takes him right back down. McGillicutty shouts that Kidd isn't a Hart and it's off to a chinlock again. Kidd comes back with some kicks and a dropkick to the side of the head for two. A dropkick to the ribs puts McGillicutty into 619 position but on the bottom rope.
Kidd hits a slingshot legdrop to the back of McGillicutty's head for two. Michael comes back with a Saito Suplex for two and Kidd is in trouble. Kidd tries an O'Connor Roll but it gets reversed for two. McGillicutty reverses the reversal into a rollup for two. Kidd takes Snake Eyes into the corner but avoids the McGillicutter. Sharpshooter is countered as Kidd is kicked to the apron but he comes back in with a slingshot reverse victory roll (best way I can describe it) for the pin at 8:17.
McGillicutty says Kidd is going to regret that and he'll go after Kidd where it hurts the most: his heart.
Results
Justin Gabriel b. Curt Hawkins – 450 Splash
Darren Young b. Jimmy Uso – Double Knee Gutbuster
Percy Watson b. Tyler Reks – Persecution
Tyson Kidd b. Michael McGillicutty – Slingshot Rollup
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 22, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
We're past Victory Road and not a lot has changed. Roode has finally put Sting away followed by a pretty strange post match attempted beatdown of Sting which resulted in Dixie Carter saving him. Other than that the interesting thing was Aries seemingly being turned face by the power of the crowd. That's probably the right thing for him as it has meant huge pushes in the past. Let's get to it.
We open with the ending to last Sunday's PPV. Sting has a severe concussion apparently. Dixie is going to have something to say right after the opening sequence.
Here's Dixie and great she's crying. She talks about how Roode disrespects the company and the fans. Dixie goes on the rant about how she's been talking to attorneys and management and she only has one option. Cue Sting because we can't do anything in this company without holding a meeting. He says that firing Roode isn't the answer isn't a good idea because it means that Storm can't get his revenge at Lockdown. The fans chant that they want revenge. Sting says the GM position isn't working....and we go to a break.
Back with them still in the ring. Sting says that Dixie has put all of her faith into Sting and he did the best he could, but it's not enough. At Victory Road, the company came alive and Sting can't be both a part time GM and a part time wrestler. Due to the concussion, he has to go home for awhile and get better, and he'll come back better. He's going to come back as a full time wrestler. Sting steps down as GM but says he's got the right man in mind to replace him: Hulk Hogan. Dixie cries even more but doesn't say yes or no.
Ray is mad and is taking hostages tonight.
X-Division Title: Anthony Nese vs. Zema Ion vs. Kid Kash vs. Austin Aries
One fall to a finish. Ion tries a quick rollup but goes to the floor with the champ. Kash avoids a cross body by Nese but is thrown to the floor and is holding his ankle. Aries vs. Nese now and the champ is in trouble. Ion comes back in and Aries hits a combination DDT to Ion/Downward Spiral to Nese. Out to the floor and Aries hits the suicide dive to Ion. Ion hits the Sorensen Killer and Nese hits a moonsault plancha to take out all three guys. They bust out the Tower of Doom with Ion nearly getting killed by the powerbomb from Aries. And here's Bully Ray to beat them all up and the match is thrown out at 4:35.
Ray says that his name is in fact Bully Ray.
Mexican America has their lowrider towed by some guy from a Spike show about repossessing. He asks them trivia in order to get to keep their car. This is annoying. They only get 1/3 and lose the car. They say they'll all win tag titles tonight and pay off the debt to keep the car.
Knockout Tag Titles: ODB/Eric Young vs. Rosita/Sarita
The wedding is April 12. Oh great. Eric and Rosita start us off but Eric tags out to ODB with no contact. She takes Rosita down and misses the Bronco Buster. Sarita comes in and doesn't do much so it's back to Rosita. She takes a kick in the chest and a “spear” to set up the tag to Young. He does some cartwheels and takes off his pants. The girls hit on Eric and ODB gets mad about it. ODB cleans house and hits the Bam on Rosita before asking where Eric's ring is. He can't produce it so she kisses him and puts Eric on top of Rosita for the pin at 4:20.
We recap Crimson and Morgan from Sunday. We cut to Crimson watching Morgan's Direct Auto Insurance commercials and saying that he should have been in there but it was all about Morgan. Crimson says that then Morgan started dropping the ball in the ring so Crimson took out the trash on Sunday and he feels better now. He challenges Morgan to a match next week when Morgan pops in and the backstage brawl of the week begins.
Dixie doesn't know what to do about Sting.
Hardy says Angle talked a lot of trash before the PPV and now Jeff wants him in a cage where ropes won't matter. Joseph Park shows up and asks for any information about Abyss. Hardy doesn't have any so Park gives him his card.
Video on Roode vs. Storm at Lockdown. This includes a retrospective of their careers in TNA, including a blink and you'll miss it shot of CM Punk. Make that two blinks and you'll miss it shots of Punk. Good video.
Here's Storm in the ring to talk about right and wrong. It's wrong that football is only 18 weeks a year. It's wrong when two people work 40 hours a week and can't take their kids on vacation because gas is $4.00 a gallon. It's wrong what Roode did at the PPV so he'll make it right at the PPV. Storm calls Roode out here right now so he can beat some right into him.
Instead he gets some guy in a suit who says his name is William Kelly and he's Roode's legal adviser. He has a statement from Roode which says Roode isn't going to be around until Lockdown because that's all he's obligated to do and there's an unsafe working environment. Ok now they're flat out stealing from Smackdown. Roode suggests that Storm fight Daniels or Kaz tonight so Storm says he'll fight both. Storm says he has a message for Roode. But the lawyer doesn't have a pen. Instead, here's a Last Call for the lawyer.
Angle says Hardy is crazy for wanting a rematch and is asked about Garrett surviving the five minute challenge. Garrett just happens to be walking by and Angle yells at him. There's a three minute challenge tonight. Oh and Angle hates him.
Kurt Angle vs. Garrett Bischoff
Just a small observation: Christy Hemme can't talk, but she looks GREAT in leather pants. This is a three minute challenge. They talk trash to start and Garrett gets shoved a few times. There's a slap as they're just standing there. One minute down. Garrett gets in some offense like a clothesline and flapjack plus that stupid falling Diamond Cutter that he does. Angle throws him to the floor and we have a minute to go. Garrett chills on the floor and plays keepaway. And here's Gunner for the DQ at about 2:32.
Hardy makes the save.
The Guns are still coming back.
Tag Titles: Mexican America vs. Samoa Joe/Magnus
Mexican America still has jobs? Joe starts with Hernandez and pounds him down into the corner. Off to Magnus and the champions double team a bit, resulting in a Joe backsplash for two. SuperMex takes over on Magnus and hits a backbreaker for two. Anarquia comes in for all of two seconds before it's back to Hernandez for a bearhug and jumping shoulder.
Hot tag brings in Joe who steps out of the way of a jumping Anarquia. Hernandez runs into the release Rock Bottom out of the corner. The Koquina Clutch puts Anarquia down but the girls distract the referee. The Repo Games guy comes back out and the referee STILL misses the tap so Hernandez breaks it up. Not that it matters as the finishing sequence from the champs pins Anarquia at 5:32.
Hogan says he doesn't know anything about being the new GM.
The Repo Games guy is back AGAIN and takes the car but has to duck a swing from Anarquia beforehand. Oh and he takes the girls who go willingly.
James Storm vs. Kazarian/Christopher Daniels
Daniels tries to jump Storm from the entrance which completely fails. Into the ring now and the heels don't have to tag. There isn't much to say here: they double team Storm for awhile but Storm comes back with the Last Call to Daniels to win in 3:15.
Here are Sting and Dixie to do the GM thing. Sting says trust Hogan, Dixie says ok, Hogan comes out, Sting starts a Hogan chant, and we're done.
Results
Austin Aries vs. Anthony Nese vs. Zema Ion vs. Kid Kash went to a no contest when Bully Ray interfered
Eric Young/ODB b. Rosita/Sarita – Young pinned Rosita after The Bam from ODB
Garrett Bischoff b. Kurt Angle via DQ when Gunner interfered
Samoa Joe/Magnus b. Mexican America – Middle Rope Elbow to Anarquia
James Storm b. Christopher Daniels/Kazarian – Last Call to Daniels
Friday
Impact got a 1.1, up slightly.
Smackdown
Date: March 23, 2012
Location: Prudential Center, Newark, New Jersey
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews
We're closing in on Wrestlemania even more now and the main event tonight is, you guessed it, another tag match. For some reason Miz is in this match instead of Jericho, teaming with Bryan to face Punk/Sheamus. I don't get that: why not have all four of them in the same match? Either way, having Sheamus and Bryan in the same ring is a good thing as they need all the help they can get at this point. Let's get to it.
Do You Know Your Enemy? Mine is the Indiana Hoosiers. They need to be eliminated.
Here are AJ and Bryan to open the show. Good heat on the champ here. Bryan celebrates before saying anything else. AJ is asked what's so great about being Bryan's girlfriend. He has soft lips, he caresses her and sometimes they spoon. She calls him Danny and gets corrected before going into a list of his better traits. Being a vegan is a good thing. She isn't as thrilled about this batch of them. Most importantly AJ feels safe. Bryan whispers something to her to say and she says it's a little personal. He says say it, so AJ says he's a great lover. Oh and he'll keep the title at Wrestlemania.
Bryan starts a cheer for himself but here's Sheamus. They've at least been having these two interact a bit which has been a plus. Sheamus says he threw up in his mouth a bit back there listening to this. He makes fun of the soft lips stuff and says he doesn't want to go there, but he does want to go to Wrestlemania. Sheamus calls him Danny which is corrected and also starts a chant. He calls Bryan Danny Boy which doesn't sit well with the champ either. “If you don't like that, you'll hate being called the former World Heavyweight Champion.” Sheamus says he'll kick Bryan's teeth down his throat. I liked this a lot.
R-Truth vs. Mark Henry
Truth hammers away which works about as well as any other attacks by average sized men on monsters. Truth gets knocked down by a headbutt and is sent to the floor. Henry crushes Truth's head against the steps and they go back inside. Henry misses an elbow drop and Truth hits a seated dropkick and a low DDT for one. Truth goes up and jumps into the World's Strongest Slam for the pin at 2:59. Total squash. Team Johnny wins again. I know they're winning at the PPV but at least make it look possible. Please?
Big Show vs. Kane again tonight.
We get what might be a first: the debut of a Hall of Fame announcement on Smackdown. It's Yokozuna. No issues with that. Mil Mascaras is mentioned as going in with this class, which I believe is the first time that's been mentioned on WWE TV.
We get a clip from Raw of Ryder's rally and cut to Team Teddy in Long's office. Teddy says he needs more convincing so Horny comes in with a Team Teddy flag. He's the official mascot of the team now. Khali comes in wearing Ryder gear and says Woo Woo Woo You Know It. Ryder and Khali are on the team now. Well it's better than no appearance at all. His stuff with Kane and Cena is never going to be mentioned again is it?
AJ vs. Brie Bella
AJ is the home state girl being from Jersey. An inset interview from the Bellas has them talking about how Brie doesn't want Nikki's advice because Nikki lost last week. Booker apologizes for one of his statements about AJ recently. Which statement that is he doesn't list but whatever. Brie controls to start and stomps away at AJ. Bryan's advice: do better. Off to a chinlock which is pretty quickly broken. AJ hooks a Fujiwara Armbar and a decent one. Nikki gets up on the apron to distract AJ but Brie rams into Nikki and is rolled up for the pin at 2:48.
Post match we find out that Brie is Team Teddy and Nikki is Team Johnny. Brie leads a T-E-D-D-Y cheer. That's just what this feud needed: THE BELLAS!
Jack Swagger vs. Zack Ryder
Apparently Lillian legitimately screwed up the entrance and called Ryder “The Long Island Iced Z, Jack Swagger.” The fans are WAY into Ryder. They better be careful or he'll get sent down to NXT. He controls to start and hammers on Swagger but Jack moves out of the way in the corner. Swagger uses almost a judo throw to take Ryder down and throws on a top wristlock.
Ryder gets his knees up in the corner and starts his comeback. He slams Swagger's face into the mat and hits the Broski Boot for two. Rough Ryder is countered into a buckle bomb followed by it's Vader cousin for two. Horny chases Vickie onto the apron and the distraction allows the Rough Ryder to get the pin at 4:30.
We get a clip from Monday of Cody attacking Big Show.
Earlier today, Cody says he's been enjoying embarrassing Big Show lately. The biggest embarrassment is going to be at Mania though. Knucklehead 2 perhaps? Cody leaves, saying he has a plane to catch. Then why did you come to the arena?
Big Show vs. Kane
Show starts off fast and runs over Kane. He hammers away and Kane bails to the floor. Kane sends Show into the post and hits the low dropkick back in the ring. Kane hooks a chinlock but Show gets up and they clothesline each other. Show gets up and starts pounding on Kane but the big fried freak comes back with a DDT for two. Kane goes up but jumps into a chokeslam. Cody runs in for the DQ at 3:45.
Show chases Rhodes into the crowd. Orton comes in and RKOs Kane.
Same anti-bullying video from Raw.
Brodus Clay vs. Heath Slater
Brodus is in green tonight. Notice that the announcers have stopped seeming to have a blast when he comes out. It's like they've been told to cool it or something. Slater dropkicks the knee out and hits an enziguri, perhaps becoming the first person to ever cover Brodus. Brodus comes back with his usual and the splash ends this in 1:24. This guy needs a feud in the worst way. Throw him on Team Teddy if nothing else.
Ryder runs into Eve in the back and they say they're both going to Wrestlemania. Zack says she's beautiful and smart, which Eve takes as an insult because she thinks Ryder sounds like it was a recent development. She storms off, saying their dinner is off. This is going to go on for a long time isn't it?
Raw ReBound is about the three way talking session that didn't say anything new from the end of Raw.
Great Khali vs. Dolph Ziggler
Christian is on commentary. Cole again points out how one sided the team situation is and how serious one side is while how goofy the other is. Christian gets a text from Johnny, who is all of 8 feet from him. Khali throws Ziggler around and chops him down. Ziggler gets in a shot and hammers away as Booker argues with Booker. Christian wants Cole to be Team Johnny's mascot. Khali comes back with his array of clotheslines but the chop misses. Sleeper goes on and Ace rings the bell at 2:42, Montreal style. Yep, that just happened.
Teddy says hang on a minute and restarts it. Ziggler is given to ten to get back in and doesn't get back in. Santino and Kofi throw him in anyway and Khali chops him down. I'm already sick of this feud because there are SO many people in it and there are still two more to be added.
CM Punk/Sheamus vs. The Miz/Daniel Bryan
Is there any logical reason for Jericho not to be in this? Sheamus and Bryan start but Bryan immediately tags out. Sheamus takes over with a headlock and clothesline and it's time for Punk. The slingshot shoulder brings Sheamus back in and gets two. Irish Curse gets two. Sheamus pulls Bryan in but the distraction lets Miz knock him to the floor and Bryan adds a knee to the head as we take a break.
Back with Miz kicking Sheamus in the head and putting on a chinlock. A backdrop gets Sheamus out of trouble and he makes the tag to Punk. The champ comes in with a springboard clothesline and the running knee/bulldog combo takes Miz down. He loads up the Macho Elbow but Bryan distracts him down. Miz hits the low DDT for two and it's time for champion vs. champion.
Bryan chokes Punk out and we get a Danny Boy chant. Booker says Miz has been surpassed by his former pupil. Miz gets in a shot to the back to keep Punk from getting momentum and then adds a kneelift for two. Punk takes Miz down and there's the tag, resulting in Bryan running for his life. Sheamus cleans house and hits the forearms to the chest of Bryan. The Brogue Kick kills Miz at 6:43 shown of 10:13.
Results
Mark Henry b. R-Truth – World's Strongest Slam
AJ b. Brie Bella – Rollup
Zack Ryder b. Jack Swagger – Rough Ryder
Big Show b. Kane via DQ when Cody Rhodes interfered
Brodus Clay b. Heath Slater – Big Splash
Great Khali b. Dolph Ziggler via countout
CM Punk/Sheamus b. The Miz/Daniel Bryan – Brogue Kick to Miz
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Nothing.
Quick Results
Raw
Kane b. Big Show – Chokeslam off the middle rope
David Otunga b. Santino Marella – Spinebuster
Daniel Bryan b. Zach Ryder – LeBell Lock
John Cena b. Mark Henry – Attitude Adjustment
Sheamus b. The Miz – Brogue Kick
Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger b. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth – Fameasser to R-Truth
NXT
Justin Gabriel b. Curt Hawkins – 450 Splash
Darren Young b. Jimmy Uso – Double Knee Gutbuster
Percy Watson b. Tyler Reks – Persecution
Tyson Kidd b. Michael McGillicutty – Slingshot Rollup
Impact Wrestling
Austin Aries vs. Anthony Nese vs. Zema Ion vs. Kid Kash went to a no contest when Bully Ray interfered
Eric Young/ODB b. Rosita/Sarita – Young pinned Rosita after The Bam from ODB
Garrett Bischoff b. Kurt Angle via DQ when Gunner interfered
Samoa Joe/Magnus b. Mexican America – Middle Rope Elbow to Anarquia
James Storm b. Christopher Daniels/Kazarian – Last Call to Daniels
Smackdown
Mark Henry b. R-Truth – World's Strongest Slam
AJ b. Brie Bella – Rollup
Zack Ryder b. Jack Swagger – Rough Ryder
Big Show b. Kane via DQ when Cody Rhodes interfered
Brodus Clay b. Heath Slater – Big Splash
Great Khali b. Dolph Ziggler via countout
CM Punk/Sheamus b. The Miz/Daniel Bryan – Brogue Kick to Miz