klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Ultra Clash 1993
Date: September 18, 1993
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,131
Commentator: Joey Styles
This show is getting reviewed for one reason: its the first show Paul Heyman booked for ECW. This right here is where the insanity began as Heyman brings in all kinds of new stuff, setting up for about a year later when Shane throws the belt down and the real ECW begins. This is still Eastern Championship Wrestling at this point and isnt very interesting or noticeable. Things began to change after tonight. Lets get to it.
We open with an ad for the ECW Training Academy at a price of 3,000 dollars.
The ECW Theme Song plays as we see Heyman is already a character. He had been with the company for awhile and had booked a bit before in smaller companies as Eddie Gilberts assistant. Tod Gordon, the owner of ECW, and Eddie had gotten into a fight about a week before this show so Tod brought in Heyman and said do whatever you want and the rest is history.
Public Enemy vs. Jason Knight/Ian Rotten
Jason is more famous as the guy in the Impact Players that never actually did anything but stood around posing and got paid for it. Its a brawl to start as we hear about how the Public Enemy is brand new. This is their debut for the company but they had worked dark matches for WWF a few times before this. Its pure domination so far and Jason is busted open.
I think we officially start with Grunge and Jason as Ian is down on the floor. Rock hits a moonsault but doesnt cover. Oh theyre one of those kinds of teams. There are even DQs at this time so you can tell things are weird here. Rotten dodges a few things but never actually gets any offense in. Rock ends it with what we would call a bad Swanton Bomb but it really was just a front flip splash.
Rating: N/A. Total and complete squash here as no one got a shot on the Public Enemy all night. This went nowhere at all but as a debut show this was pretty solid as they looked completely dominant. They were eventually one of the most famous teams in company history ranking probably second behind the Dudleys. Total squash.
Pennsylvania State Championship: Tommy Cairo vs. Tony Stetson
This is a rematch from when Stetson stole the title from the soon to be gone Cairo. This and the Maryland State Title didnt last long at all. The belt is damn huge. Stetson jumps him to start which doesnt last long. Its pretty even so far but were only about a minute in. Stetson stalls to play his heel role even better. After a test of strength we stall some more.
Now we hit a chinlock to keep the fun stuff coming. This feels like a boring match from an indy company which is a bad thing if there ever was one. I mean seriously, the Pennsylvania State Championship? More stalling allows Stetson to take over as Joey points out how basic this is and how Stetson does little but punch and kick. Stetsons manager distracts the referee so a belt shot can end it. WOW that was bland.
Rating: F+. Can we move on to something else now? This went absolutely nowhere and clearly wasnt part of what Heyman was going to change things to. The title was gone in like three months and never mentioned again, which I think is the best thing they could have done with it.
Super Destroyer #1 vs. Super Destroyer #2
This is mask vs. mask. They both split from their manager but #2 went back to his manager and turned heel, causing this match. They both come out to the Halloween theme music which is cool. I just realized how hard its going to be to tell them apart at all. #1 is a bit bigger I think but its not by much. It would help a lot if we could understand the promo the manager cuts about #1 but you cant have everything I guess.
Ah ok so #2 is the bigger one. See how tricky this could be? A guy named Super Destroyer just used a school boy. Two works on Ones arm as were trying to work psychology into this damn thing. Its all arm work so far which is hardly riveting between two big monsters like this. 1 works on 2s leg and this is PAINFULLY boring. The worst missed splash into the post ever and a backsplash gets the win for #1. Well at least its over.
Rating: F+. Again just BORING AS HELL. For two masked men to have a match this boring after breaking up a dominant tag team is quite impressive but in the entirely wrong way. This is the kind of stuff they really needed to get away from and thankfully they did soon after this.
The unmasking happens and Joey says he knows him but cant place him. Dark Patriot comes out and they beat the hell out of #1. JT Smith runs out and beats up Dark Patriot, setting up this.
JT Smith vs. Dark Patriot
This is a scaffold match where you win by knocking the other guy down. You can tell how low rent this is as the air conditioning unit is blocking our view. We get to the problems of a scaffold match immediately. First of all, no one can see a damn thing. Second of all, no one can really move out of fear and it not being the planned finish. Smith would eventually join the FBI but no one cared.
No explanation as to why these guys hate each other but why should we need to know that? Joey brags about how Patriot used to be a champion in the Global Wrestling Federation. That sums up things pretty well Id say. This is mainly just Patriot beating Smith up on the scaffold which given the majority of the matches so far, the Patriot will wind up losing. And Im wrong as Smith goes down. And everyone says: so what?
Rating: D-. Scaffold matches almost always suck. Theyre just boring as no one can really do anything up there due to fear of breaking their necks. Its a big feud but it would be nice to be told why theyre fighting but whatever. Boring match that never really did anything at all here.
Dark Patriot beats Smith into the crowd and chairs a referee. And so the ECW insanity begins. This goes on WAY too long but thats ECW for you. Joey losing it is kind of funny every time though. This is tame compared to what would come later, but for the time it was big I guess.
Abdullah the Butcher/Kevin Sullivan vs. Terry Funk/Stan Hansen
This is more or less anything goes. Terry goes up the scaffold. Its a Bunkhouse Match, which was Dustys idea of anything goes. No story here it appears but rather just four crazy guys that can fight. Chairs are brought in and its Sullivan vs. Funk and the other two fight also. Ok never mind no they dont. Abdullah throws photographers out of the way to get to Funk. Joey is LOVING this.
They trade off we actually get to the ring. Sullivan and Funk go up the scaffold as I realize how weird it is to see Hansen in America. Its just not something you see that often. Funk is busted open. Naturally theres no flow or anything like that and its just a wild brawl. Funk gets a chair and blasts everyone with it. Abdullah can barely move but thats typical for him and not meant as a knock to him.
Im pretty sure everyone is bleeding now and Sullivan blasts Funk in the head with a hammer. Ok that was insane. Thats beyond FREAKING OW MAN. Abdullah accidently hits Sullivan and Funk goes for a Figure Four on him of all things. Someone with a chair comes in and we actually get a damn DQ. Its Eddie Gilbert. Damn I thought he was gone. Funk and Hansen win.
Rating: B+. Totally wild brawl but the DQ ending killed it. This was exactly what it was supposed to be: totally violent with no semblance of order or anything like it. This is the lifes blood of ECW and something tells me this is a Heyman thing. The bunch of run ins after the match ended are practically a trademark of his.
The big brawl with like 4 other guys that ran out keeps going for a good while.
Battle Royal
Sensational Sherri, Tigra, Angel, Don E. Allen, Jay Sulli, Hunter Q. Robbins III
This is mixed gender for no apparent reason. The winner gets $5000. Allen, Robbins and Sulli are the only men. Robinson is a manager but is in this anyway. Joey wants in for the shot at the money. Hes MUCH funnier here than he usually is. Sulli is a hillbilly and is out in a few seconds thanks to the women. Allen is out. The girls are dominating and Angels boob falls out. Yep were down to the three women. This is awful. Angels wig comes off and some guy named Freddy is in the ring now. Sherri eliminates herself chasing him and Angel and Tigra are left. Tigra, in high heels, wins.
Rating: N/A. No freakin clue what the point of this was. Joey wanting to hit on Tigra to get a share of the money is hilarious stuff.
Salvatore Bellomo vs. Sir Richard Michaels
The loser gets hit with a strap ten times. Sal is dressed as a Spartan and has a teddy bear. This Robbins guy has been in four of seven matches so far. Theres being a big deal in a company and then theres this. Sherri is Sals manager and here she is. He throws out teddy bears as this is just odd. This is another of the leftovers before Heyman took over completely.
Joey says external occipital protuberance and suddenly wants bananas. That got a good laugh out of me as this is another freakshow match. Sal is Italian so he must like pasta, so we make pasta jokes. Theres nothing of note about this match as neither of these guys are any good. DAMN IT DROP THE FREAKING ITALIAN FOOD JOKES! Nice dropkick by the fat man.
Michaels hits him with a cane and no one seems to care, including the referee. Theyre flying through this match and its just not that good. Michaels misses a top rope splash and Bellomo hits a standing splash to get the win. Strapping follows and of course it turns into a huge brawl with run ins.
Rating: D. Just another big wild match that went nowhere at all. It was to set up a big brawl at the end which after another one just before it is kind of stupid. Neither guy was any good nor did they ever mean anything in their careers. Boring as hell match and at least its over.
ECW Title: Shane Douglas vs. Sandman
Sandman means nothing at all yet and is from the beach still. Shane is part of the Dangerous Alliance and has Heyman with him to a HUGE pop. Shane with dark hair is weird to put it mildly. He and Heyman leave for no apparent reason and the fans are all over Sandman. We do the ten count thing or Shane loses the title. He makes it by like 6 and here we go.
Shane has tassels on his boots ala Ultimate Warrior. Thats something he did later in his career and I never liked them on him. Small package gets two for Sandman and then Shane takes over. Remember that this is still just a regional title at the moment and it really means little at the end of the day. Shane dominates with basic stuff and this is yet again, boring.
The fans think this is boring and Joey says theyre cheering for Sandman. Not a bad little spin on it I guess. The camerawork begins an ECW tradition of not being able to stay on the action and instead looking at the empty part of the ring. Sandman with a flying tackle off the top and down goes the referee. Paul comes in with the phone and Shane gets a shot with it for two. A top rope cross body is rolled through and the tights end it for Shane as he retains.
Rating: D+. Not bad but if they were going for epic this was WAY too short. Sandman would begin his transformation into his more famous persona soon enough. Shane would be considered God in ECW forever and few would care. This was a title match for the sake of a title match and was pretty boring, much like most of the card. There were few storylines to speak of at this point, but that would all change soon enough.
Headhunters vs. Crash the Terminator/Miguel Perez Jr.
The Headhunters are two big fat guys that look alike from Puerto Rico. Migues Perez was one of Loc Boricuas. Crash is more commonly known as Hugh Morrus or Bill DeMott. THIS is the main event? There are baseball bats involved here somehow but I cant understand the ring announcer. Theres something about counting from ten to zero. Ah ok. The bat is in the ring and we start at opposite sides of the ring. At the end of the countdown you rush the ring and whoever gets the bat first can use it. That makes sense.
Perez gets it and hands it to Crash. Shouldnt a bat to the back half kill you? Joey busts into a chorus of Take me Out to the Ball Game in a funny line. Its another brawl where we cant see anything. Crash went through a wall. Miguel takes like five bat shots and is fine. Theres a HUGE hole in the wall where the other two went through it. Ok the bat shots are just stupid now as there have been at least thirty combined of them.
The referee just strolls around the ring out of boredom which is funny for some reason. Perez misses a Lionsault so bad that it makes Starship Pain look perfect. Miguel and a Headhunter (Joey doesnt know their names either and theyre more or less identical) go up the scaffold. Everyone misses a top rope move as the scaffold means nothing apparently. A Headhunter hits a moonsault to end this insanity. This was for a Japanese tag title apparently. Thanks for letting us know that.
Rating: D+. Just pure insanity but since I COULDNT SEE MOST OF IT I cant say it was good. ECW always had a big problem with their camera work and this was no exception. You couldnt see anything and the match is completely uninteresting because of it. The bat stopped being important about three minutes in and then it was just pounding on each other. Odd as hell choice for the main event too.
Overall Rating: D. Other than historical purposes, theres no reason to watch this. The Eastern company was pretty bad for the most part and this was no exception. There was a weird hybrid kind of thing here with Gilberts stuff and Heymans stuff and since there was very limited character development and even fewer stories, this comes off as one big mess. I guess it would be better if I watched the show regularly, but this just isnt that ogod. Historically significant? No not really as it was still a lot of the old ECW guys. Heyman didnt really get on the map until the Night the Line Was Crossed, which Im about to start. Lets see how good he can be, because this wasnt it.
Date: September 18, 1993
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,131
Commentator: Joey Styles
This show is getting reviewed for one reason: its the first show Paul Heyman booked for ECW. This right here is where the insanity began as Heyman brings in all kinds of new stuff, setting up for about a year later when Shane throws the belt down and the real ECW begins. This is still Eastern Championship Wrestling at this point and isnt very interesting or noticeable. Things began to change after tonight. Lets get to it.
We open with an ad for the ECW Training Academy at a price of 3,000 dollars.
The ECW Theme Song plays as we see Heyman is already a character. He had been with the company for awhile and had booked a bit before in smaller companies as Eddie Gilberts assistant. Tod Gordon, the owner of ECW, and Eddie had gotten into a fight about a week before this show so Tod brought in Heyman and said do whatever you want and the rest is history.
Public Enemy vs. Jason Knight/Ian Rotten
Jason is more famous as the guy in the Impact Players that never actually did anything but stood around posing and got paid for it. Its a brawl to start as we hear about how the Public Enemy is brand new. This is their debut for the company but they had worked dark matches for WWF a few times before this. Its pure domination so far and Jason is busted open.
I think we officially start with Grunge and Jason as Ian is down on the floor. Rock hits a moonsault but doesnt cover. Oh theyre one of those kinds of teams. There are even DQs at this time so you can tell things are weird here. Rotten dodges a few things but never actually gets any offense in. Rock ends it with what we would call a bad Swanton Bomb but it really was just a front flip splash.
Rating: N/A. Total and complete squash here as no one got a shot on the Public Enemy all night. This went nowhere at all but as a debut show this was pretty solid as they looked completely dominant. They were eventually one of the most famous teams in company history ranking probably second behind the Dudleys. Total squash.
Pennsylvania State Championship: Tommy Cairo vs. Tony Stetson
This is a rematch from when Stetson stole the title from the soon to be gone Cairo. This and the Maryland State Title didnt last long at all. The belt is damn huge. Stetson jumps him to start which doesnt last long. Its pretty even so far but were only about a minute in. Stetson stalls to play his heel role even better. After a test of strength we stall some more.
Now we hit a chinlock to keep the fun stuff coming. This feels like a boring match from an indy company which is a bad thing if there ever was one. I mean seriously, the Pennsylvania State Championship? More stalling allows Stetson to take over as Joey points out how basic this is and how Stetson does little but punch and kick. Stetsons manager distracts the referee so a belt shot can end it. WOW that was bland.
Rating: F+. Can we move on to something else now? This went absolutely nowhere and clearly wasnt part of what Heyman was going to change things to. The title was gone in like three months and never mentioned again, which I think is the best thing they could have done with it.
Super Destroyer #1 vs. Super Destroyer #2
This is mask vs. mask. They both split from their manager but #2 went back to his manager and turned heel, causing this match. They both come out to the Halloween theme music which is cool. I just realized how hard its going to be to tell them apart at all. #1 is a bit bigger I think but its not by much. It would help a lot if we could understand the promo the manager cuts about #1 but you cant have everything I guess.
Ah ok so #2 is the bigger one. See how tricky this could be? A guy named Super Destroyer just used a school boy. Two works on Ones arm as were trying to work psychology into this damn thing. Its all arm work so far which is hardly riveting between two big monsters like this. 1 works on 2s leg and this is PAINFULLY boring. The worst missed splash into the post ever and a backsplash gets the win for #1. Well at least its over.
Rating: F+. Again just BORING AS HELL. For two masked men to have a match this boring after breaking up a dominant tag team is quite impressive but in the entirely wrong way. This is the kind of stuff they really needed to get away from and thankfully they did soon after this.
The unmasking happens and Joey says he knows him but cant place him. Dark Patriot comes out and they beat the hell out of #1. JT Smith runs out and beats up Dark Patriot, setting up this.
JT Smith vs. Dark Patriot
This is a scaffold match where you win by knocking the other guy down. You can tell how low rent this is as the air conditioning unit is blocking our view. We get to the problems of a scaffold match immediately. First of all, no one can see a damn thing. Second of all, no one can really move out of fear and it not being the planned finish. Smith would eventually join the FBI but no one cared.
No explanation as to why these guys hate each other but why should we need to know that? Joey brags about how Patriot used to be a champion in the Global Wrestling Federation. That sums up things pretty well Id say. This is mainly just Patriot beating Smith up on the scaffold which given the majority of the matches so far, the Patriot will wind up losing. And Im wrong as Smith goes down. And everyone says: so what?
Rating: D-. Scaffold matches almost always suck. Theyre just boring as no one can really do anything up there due to fear of breaking their necks. Its a big feud but it would be nice to be told why theyre fighting but whatever. Boring match that never really did anything at all here.
Dark Patriot beats Smith into the crowd and chairs a referee. And so the ECW insanity begins. This goes on WAY too long but thats ECW for you. Joey losing it is kind of funny every time though. This is tame compared to what would come later, but for the time it was big I guess.
Abdullah the Butcher/Kevin Sullivan vs. Terry Funk/Stan Hansen
This is more or less anything goes. Terry goes up the scaffold. Its a Bunkhouse Match, which was Dustys idea of anything goes. No story here it appears but rather just four crazy guys that can fight. Chairs are brought in and its Sullivan vs. Funk and the other two fight also. Ok never mind no they dont. Abdullah throws photographers out of the way to get to Funk. Joey is LOVING this.
They trade off we actually get to the ring. Sullivan and Funk go up the scaffold as I realize how weird it is to see Hansen in America. Its just not something you see that often. Funk is busted open. Naturally theres no flow or anything like that and its just a wild brawl. Funk gets a chair and blasts everyone with it. Abdullah can barely move but thats typical for him and not meant as a knock to him.
Im pretty sure everyone is bleeding now and Sullivan blasts Funk in the head with a hammer. Ok that was insane. Thats beyond FREAKING OW MAN. Abdullah accidently hits Sullivan and Funk goes for a Figure Four on him of all things. Someone with a chair comes in and we actually get a damn DQ. Its Eddie Gilbert. Damn I thought he was gone. Funk and Hansen win.
Rating: B+. Totally wild brawl but the DQ ending killed it. This was exactly what it was supposed to be: totally violent with no semblance of order or anything like it. This is the lifes blood of ECW and something tells me this is a Heyman thing. The bunch of run ins after the match ended are practically a trademark of his.
The big brawl with like 4 other guys that ran out keeps going for a good while.
Battle Royal
Sensational Sherri, Tigra, Angel, Don E. Allen, Jay Sulli, Hunter Q. Robbins III
This is mixed gender for no apparent reason. The winner gets $5000. Allen, Robbins and Sulli are the only men. Robinson is a manager but is in this anyway. Joey wants in for the shot at the money. Hes MUCH funnier here than he usually is. Sulli is a hillbilly and is out in a few seconds thanks to the women. Allen is out. The girls are dominating and Angels boob falls out. Yep were down to the three women. This is awful. Angels wig comes off and some guy named Freddy is in the ring now. Sherri eliminates herself chasing him and Angel and Tigra are left. Tigra, in high heels, wins.
Rating: N/A. No freakin clue what the point of this was. Joey wanting to hit on Tigra to get a share of the money is hilarious stuff.
Salvatore Bellomo vs. Sir Richard Michaels
The loser gets hit with a strap ten times. Sal is dressed as a Spartan and has a teddy bear. This Robbins guy has been in four of seven matches so far. Theres being a big deal in a company and then theres this. Sherri is Sals manager and here she is. He throws out teddy bears as this is just odd. This is another of the leftovers before Heyman took over completely.
Joey says external occipital protuberance and suddenly wants bananas. That got a good laugh out of me as this is another freakshow match. Sal is Italian so he must like pasta, so we make pasta jokes. Theres nothing of note about this match as neither of these guys are any good. DAMN IT DROP THE FREAKING ITALIAN FOOD JOKES! Nice dropkick by the fat man.
Michaels hits him with a cane and no one seems to care, including the referee. Theyre flying through this match and its just not that good. Michaels misses a top rope splash and Bellomo hits a standing splash to get the win. Strapping follows and of course it turns into a huge brawl with run ins.
Rating: D. Just another big wild match that went nowhere at all. It was to set up a big brawl at the end which after another one just before it is kind of stupid. Neither guy was any good nor did they ever mean anything in their careers. Boring as hell match and at least its over.
ECW Title: Shane Douglas vs. Sandman
Sandman means nothing at all yet and is from the beach still. Shane is part of the Dangerous Alliance and has Heyman with him to a HUGE pop. Shane with dark hair is weird to put it mildly. He and Heyman leave for no apparent reason and the fans are all over Sandman. We do the ten count thing or Shane loses the title. He makes it by like 6 and here we go.
Shane has tassels on his boots ala Ultimate Warrior. Thats something he did later in his career and I never liked them on him. Small package gets two for Sandman and then Shane takes over. Remember that this is still just a regional title at the moment and it really means little at the end of the day. Shane dominates with basic stuff and this is yet again, boring.
The fans think this is boring and Joey says theyre cheering for Sandman. Not a bad little spin on it I guess. The camerawork begins an ECW tradition of not being able to stay on the action and instead looking at the empty part of the ring. Sandman with a flying tackle off the top and down goes the referee. Paul comes in with the phone and Shane gets a shot with it for two. A top rope cross body is rolled through and the tights end it for Shane as he retains.
Rating: D+. Not bad but if they were going for epic this was WAY too short. Sandman would begin his transformation into his more famous persona soon enough. Shane would be considered God in ECW forever and few would care. This was a title match for the sake of a title match and was pretty boring, much like most of the card. There were few storylines to speak of at this point, but that would all change soon enough.
Headhunters vs. Crash the Terminator/Miguel Perez Jr.
The Headhunters are two big fat guys that look alike from Puerto Rico. Migues Perez was one of Loc Boricuas. Crash is more commonly known as Hugh Morrus or Bill DeMott. THIS is the main event? There are baseball bats involved here somehow but I cant understand the ring announcer. Theres something about counting from ten to zero. Ah ok. The bat is in the ring and we start at opposite sides of the ring. At the end of the countdown you rush the ring and whoever gets the bat first can use it. That makes sense.
Perez gets it and hands it to Crash. Shouldnt a bat to the back half kill you? Joey busts into a chorus of Take me Out to the Ball Game in a funny line. Its another brawl where we cant see anything. Crash went through a wall. Miguel takes like five bat shots and is fine. Theres a HUGE hole in the wall where the other two went through it. Ok the bat shots are just stupid now as there have been at least thirty combined of them.
The referee just strolls around the ring out of boredom which is funny for some reason. Perez misses a Lionsault so bad that it makes Starship Pain look perfect. Miguel and a Headhunter (Joey doesnt know their names either and theyre more or less identical) go up the scaffold. Everyone misses a top rope move as the scaffold means nothing apparently. A Headhunter hits a moonsault to end this insanity. This was for a Japanese tag title apparently. Thanks for letting us know that.
Rating: D+. Just pure insanity but since I COULDNT SEE MOST OF IT I cant say it was good. ECW always had a big problem with their camera work and this was no exception. You couldnt see anything and the match is completely uninteresting because of it. The bat stopped being important about three minutes in and then it was just pounding on each other. Odd as hell choice for the main event too.
Overall Rating: D. Other than historical purposes, theres no reason to watch this. The Eastern company was pretty bad for the most part and this was no exception. There was a weird hybrid kind of thing here with Gilberts stuff and Heymans stuff and since there was very limited character development and even fewer stories, this comes off as one big mess. I guess it would be better if I watched the show regularly, but this just isnt that ogod. Historically significant? No not really as it was still a lot of the old ECW guys. Heyman didnt really get on the map until the Night the Line Was Crossed, which Im about to start. Lets see how good he can be, because this wasnt it.