I Suck Ass
I survived the Rapture
X-Division Title: Alex Shelley vs. Austin Aries vs. Brian Kendrick (c)
Shelley and Kendrick team up early to take out Aries. They throw him out of the ring. For several minutes, Shelley and Kendrick go at it one-on-one, keeping Aries out by knocking him off the apron repeatedly. Finally, Aries gets his way in the match and is working over Kendrick, all the while keeping Shelley out as he was himself earlier in the match. Aries eventually hits a big through-the-ropes dive onto the floor on both Kendrick and Shelley. Out of nowhere, Shelley gets a crossface on Kendrick while Aries is selling in the corner. Kendrick eventually gets a rope break and Shelley continues to lay on the punishment. Aries tries getting involved again but Shelley superkicks him onto the floor. Kendrick catches Shelley on the top rope but Shelley knocks him down and hits a big splash on Kendrick. Shelley applies the spinning figure-four on Kendrick while Aries is out of the ring. Aries comes back in and breaks things up. Kendrick hits the Sliced Bread and secures the pinfall, retaining his X-Division title.
Winner and STILL X-Division Champion: Brian Kendrick
Shelley and Kendrick team up early to take out Aries. They throw him out of the ring. For several minutes, Shelley and Kendrick go at it one-on-one, keeping Aries out by knocking him off the apron repeatedly. Finally, Aries gets his way in the match and is working over Kendrick, all the while keeping Shelley out as he was himself earlier in the match. Aries eventually hits a big through-the-ropes dive onto the floor on both Kendrick and Shelley. Out of nowhere, Shelley gets a crossface on Kendrick while Aries is selling in the corner. Kendrick eventually gets a rope break and Shelley continues to lay on the punishment. Aries tries getting involved again but Shelley superkicks him onto the floor. Kendrick catches Shelley on the top rope but Shelley knocks him down and hits a big splash on Kendrick. Shelley applies the spinning figure-four on Kendrick while Aries is out of the ring. Aries comes back in and breaks things up. Kendrick hits the Sliced Bread and secures the pinfall, retaining his X-Division title.
Winner and STILL X-Division Champion: Brian Kendrick
Nice defense for Kendrick after beating Abyss for the title at Destination X, but they have had so man title matches lately that it's getting ridiculous. Cut the title matches down to: PPV, PPV, TV match, PPV, and so on.
Knockout Tag-Titles: Tara & Miss Tessmacher vs. Rosita & Sarita
Rosita and Tara start things off. Tara is manhandling her early. Rosita quickly tags out to Sarita. Tara quickly goes to work on Sarita as well. She tags in Miss Tessmacher. Tessmacher continues the beatdown as Sarita tags back in Rosita. Tara tags back in. Lots of quick-tags in this Knockouts tag-team match. Eventually it becomes a situation where Tessmacher is stuck in the ring getting beat down by both Rosita and Sarita, who continually tag in and out to remain fresh. Tara finally gets the hot tag and goes to work on Sarita and Rosita. Tara ends up on the short end of things and is looking to tag out herself. Rosita and Sarita keep her in the ring and work on her in their corner for a while. The finish comes when Tara hits the Widow's Peak on Rosita for the pinfall.
Winners and STILL TNA Knockout Tag-Team Champions: Tara & Miss Tessmacher
Rosita and Tara start things off. Tara is manhandling her early. Rosita quickly tags out to Sarita. Tara quickly goes to work on Sarita as well. She tags in Miss Tessmacher. Tessmacher continues the beatdown as Sarita tags back in Rosita. Tara tags back in. Lots of quick-tags in this Knockouts tag-team match. Eventually it becomes a situation where Tessmacher is stuck in the ring getting beat down by both Rosita and Sarita, who continually tag in and out to remain fresh. Tara finally gets the hot tag and goes to work on Sarita and Rosita. Tara ends up on the short end of things and is looking to tag out herself. Rosita and Sarita keep her in the ring and work on her in their corner for a while. The finish comes when Tara hits the Widow's Peak on Rosita for the pinfall.
Winners and STILL TNA Knockout Tag-Team Champions: Tara & Miss Tessmacher
Guess who doesn't care? ME!
Bound For Glory Series Match: "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero vs. Devon
Matt Morgan is out for commentary for this "Bound For Glory Series Match." The Pope comes out first, followed by Devon. Pope has a microphone before the match starts. Crowd is chanting "Devon, Devon!" Pope tells Devon he respects him. He says he just tweeted it, in fact. Pope calls Devon his big brother. Pope lays down for Devon, giving him a free chance at a pin. Devon tells him to get up and give the people what they wanna see. Pope gets up, pulls his knee pads up and takes his shirt off. Our match is finally underway! Devon dominates early on. Devon yells at Pope and tells him not to play with him. He bitch slaps him. Pace of the match finally picks up and Pope finally gets some offense in. On the floor, Pope wraps a chain around his hand but the kids stop him. Devon capitalizes and regains control of the action back in the ring. Pope gets a roll up out of nowhere for a surprising clean pinfall. Pope gets seven more points.
Winner: "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero
Matt Morgan is out for commentary for this "Bound For Glory Series Match." The Pope comes out first, followed by Devon. Pope has a microphone before the match starts. Crowd is chanting "Devon, Devon!" Pope tells Devon he respects him. He says he just tweeted it, in fact. Pope calls Devon his big brother. Pope lays down for Devon, giving him a free chance at a pin. Devon tells him to get up and give the people what they wanna see. Pope gets up, pulls his knee pads up and takes his shirt off. Our match is finally underway! Devon dominates early on. Devon yells at Pope and tells him not to play with him. He bitch slaps him. Pace of the match finally picks up and Pope finally gets some offense in. On the floor, Pope wraps a chain around his hand but the kids stop him. Devon capitalizes and regains control of the action back in the ring. Pope gets a roll up out of nowhere for a surprising clean pinfall. Pope gets seven more points.
Winner: "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero
It's nice to see the Pope get a win and get some points. Can't find the current points, so I'm not sure where he's at. I just wish Samoa Joe would get some points, because he's being wasted at the moment.
TNA Knockouts Title: Winter vs. Mickie James (c)
Winter is out first with Angelina Love by her side. Champion Mickie James is out next. Our TNA Knockouts title match is now officially underway! James controls the action for the first few minutes. The momentum shifts in Winter's favor when James is distracted by Angelina Love, allowing Winter to capitalize and take advantage. James finally starts fighting back. Again, Love distracts James on the outside and Winter takes advantage. Angelina hits the "break a bitch" on Mickie behind the ref's back in the ring. Winter tries pinning off of that but Mickie kicks out at two. Mickie hits a tornado DDT off the top onto Winter. Love again interferes but this time Mickie drops her. Winter spits some mist of some kind into Mickie's eyes behind the ref's back, as the ref was distracted by Love. Winter pins Mickie and wins the title.
Winner and NEW TNA Knockouts Champion: Winter
Winter is out first with Angelina Love by her side. Champion Mickie James is out next. Our TNA Knockouts title match is now officially underway! James controls the action for the first few minutes. The momentum shifts in Winter's favor when James is distracted by Angelina Love, allowing Winter to capitalize and take advantage. James finally starts fighting back. Again, Love distracts James on the outside and Winter takes advantage. Angelina hits the "break a bitch" on Mickie behind the ref's back in the ring. Winter tries pinning off of that but Mickie kicks out at two. Mickie hits a tornado DDT off the top onto Winter. Love again interferes but this time Mickie drops her. Winter spits some mist of some kind into Mickie's eyes behind the ref's back, as the ref was distracted by Love. Winter pins Mickie and wins the title.
Winner and NEW TNA Knockouts Champion: Winter
Still not caring.
Bound For Glory Series Match: Rob Van Dam vs. Crimson
Crimson is out first, followed by RVD who is accompanied by Jerry Lynn. Our second "Bound For Glory Series Match" of the evening is now officially underway! Taz and Tenay talk about how Crimson is still undefeated. Also, how RVD could move to the number one spot in the Bound For Glory Series with a win here. RVD and Crimson battle back and forth for the first few minutes. RVD has already gotten a lot of his spots in, rolling thunder, etc. Several nearfall attempts by Crimson, followed by some more offense from the undefeated prospect. Crimson in firm control of the match now. Crimson is throwing RVD around like a rag doll with various suplexes. RVD finally hits a jumping kick off the apron onto Crimson on the floor. It doesn't do him much good, however, as Crimson drops RVD with a huge clothesline on the floor. He rolls him back into the ring to continue the onslaught. "RVD" chant breaks out as Crimson continues his attack. Jerry Lynn is shown looking on from the outside. RVD hits a Five Star Frogsplash for a nearfall, but Crimson kicks out at two. Crimson hits a big spear on RVD to slow him down. Crimson hits a big slam on RVD and tries a pin but Jerry Lynn interferes and breaks it up. The referee calls for the bell. Ref raises Crimson's hand and Christy Hemme announces Crimson the winner by disqualification. RVD looks pissed at Lynn. Crimson remains undefeated.
Winner: Crimson
Crimson is out first, followed by RVD who is accompanied by Jerry Lynn. Our second "Bound For Glory Series Match" of the evening is now officially underway! Taz and Tenay talk about how Crimson is still undefeated. Also, how RVD could move to the number one spot in the Bound For Glory Series with a win here. RVD and Crimson battle back and forth for the first few minutes. RVD has already gotten a lot of his spots in, rolling thunder, etc. Several nearfall attempts by Crimson, followed by some more offense from the undefeated prospect. Crimson in firm control of the match now. Crimson is throwing RVD around like a rag doll with various suplexes. RVD finally hits a jumping kick off the apron onto Crimson on the floor. It doesn't do him much good, however, as Crimson drops RVD with a huge clothesline on the floor. He rolls him back into the ring to continue the onslaught. "RVD" chant breaks out as Crimson continues his attack. Jerry Lynn is shown looking on from the outside. RVD hits a Five Star Frogsplash for a nearfall, but Crimson kicks out at two. Crimson hits a big spear on RVD to slow him down. Crimson hits a big slam on RVD and tries a pin but Jerry Lynn interferes and breaks it up. The referee calls for the bell. Ref raises Crimson's hand and Christy Hemme announces Crimson the winner by disqualification. RVD looks pissed at Lynn. Crimson remains undefeated.
Winner: Crimson
Um...why did Jerry Lynn interfere? To make RVD angrier at him? Just seems like a cheap way for Crimson to stay undefeated.
Fortune vs. Immortal
Scott Steiner, Gunner and Abyss - Immortal, come out first. Up next is Christopher Daniels, Kazarian and AJ Styles - Fortune, are out next. Our six-man tag match is now underway. Kazarian and Gunner start things off for each team. Kazarian is in control for the most part early on. Gunner tags out and now Scott Steiner is in with Kazarian. AJ Styles tags in and continues to go to work on Steiner. Steiner is now getting the better of Styles. The action is back and forth now, with neither team being in control for any considerable amount of time. Daniels tags in now and goes to work on Steiner. Steiner tags in Abyss. Abyss is working over Daniels at the moment. All six guys end up in the ring doing spots. In the end, only Fortune stands. Crowd is behind them as well. Daniels and Abyss end up back in the ring, the legal men, and continue the match with Daniels in control. Abyss knocks Daniels outside the ring and Steiner goes to work on him behind the ref's back. Gunner tags in and goes to work on Daniels. He quickly tags Steiner back in. Steiner goes to work on Daniels. Steiner tags Abyss in. Abyss goes to work on Daniels. Daniels finally tags out and in comes Kazarian to no reaction from the crowd. Kazarian cleans house of Immortal by himself. Gunner breaks up a pin attempt from Kazarian to Abyss. Kazarian hits a big DDT to Abyss. Kazarian hits a big dive onto the floor on Abyss. All six guys battle on the floor. Steiner and Gunner set up a table on the floor. Abyss goes to work on Kazarian in the ring, both guys being the legal men in the match right now. Steiner tags back in. Gunner ends up tackling Daniels off the apron through the table on the floor. "Holy shit" chant breaks out from the crowd. Styles hits a flying Pele kick onto Abyss back in the ring for a clean pinfall.
Winners: Fortune
Scott Steiner, Gunner and Abyss - Immortal, come out first. Up next is Christopher Daniels, Kazarian and AJ Styles - Fortune, are out next. Our six-man tag match is now underway. Kazarian and Gunner start things off for each team. Kazarian is in control for the most part early on. Gunner tags out and now Scott Steiner is in with Kazarian. AJ Styles tags in and continues to go to work on Steiner. Steiner is now getting the better of Styles. The action is back and forth now, with neither team being in control for any considerable amount of time. Daniels tags in now and goes to work on Steiner. Steiner tags in Abyss. Abyss is working over Daniels at the moment. All six guys end up in the ring doing spots. In the end, only Fortune stands. Crowd is behind them as well. Daniels and Abyss end up back in the ring, the legal men, and continue the match with Daniels in control. Abyss knocks Daniels outside the ring and Steiner goes to work on him behind the ref's back. Gunner tags in and goes to work on Daniels. He quickly tags Steiner back in. Steiner goes to work on Daniels. Steiner tags Abyss in. Abyss goes to work on Daniels. Daniels finally tags out and in comes Kazarian to no reaction from the crowd. Kazarian cleans house of Immortal by himself. Gunner breaks up a pin attempt from Kazarian to Abyss. Kazarian hits a big DDT to Abyss. Kazarian hits a big dive onto the floor on Abyss. All six guys battle on the floor. Steiner and Gunner set up a table on the floor. Abyss goes to work on Kazarian in the ring, both guys being the legal men in the match right now. Steiner tags back in. Gunner ends up tackling Daniels off the apron through the table on the floor. "Holy shit" chant breaks out from the crowd. Styles hits a flying Pele kick onto Abyss back in the ring for a clean pinfall.
Winners: Fortune
This is the feud that never ends, it goes on and on without end...
Seriously, though, end this feud! I'm getting EXTREMELY bored with it, and they can't have enough variations on Immortal vs. Fortune.
Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson
Bully Ray comes out first. He stops short and hides behind a curtain. Mr. Anderson comes out and reaches for the mic. Bully Ray comes out during Anderson's schpiel and stands behind Anderson. Anderson finishes his routine and simply says "yeah, I know he's behind me" and turns around to beat up Bully Ray. He does so, and then picks up the mic to repeat "Anderson." The fight continues on the ramp. Anderson beats up Bully Ray outside the ring. The match has yet to go into the ring. Anderson finally takes his shirt off and then chokes Bully Ray with it. Anderson finally rolls Bully Ray in the ring and and the bell finally sounds to officially start this match. Anderson goes to work on Ray. Bully Ray takes over the offense of the match. Bully Ray yells real loud at Anderson while he beats him up. Anderson hits a DDT on Bully Ray to slow things down. Both guys are down as the crowd gets behind Anderson. Several nearfalls for each guy occur before Bully Ray wraps his chain around his hand right in front of the ref's face. Anderson picks Bully Ray up, however, and then drops him a bit. Botched spot. Bully Ray yells "screw you" to Anderson and walks up the ramp. Anderson goes after him and attacks him. He throws Ray back in the ring. Anderson picks up the chain now and wraps it aruond his hand. The ref grabs Anderson, allowing Ray to low blow Anderson and roll him up for the 1-2-3. Bully Ray wins.
Winner: Bully Ray
Bully Ray comes out first. He stops short and hides behind a curtain. Mr. Anderson comes out and reaches for the mic. Bully Ray comes out during Anderson's schpiel and stands behind Anderson. Anderson finishes his routine and simply says "yeah, I know he's behind me" and turns around to beat up Bully Ray. He does so, and then picks up the mic to repeat "Anderson." The fight continues on the ramp. Anderson beats up Bully Ray outside the ring. The match has yet to go into the ring. Anderson finally takes his shirt off and then chokes Bully Ray with it. Anderson finally rolls Bully Ray in the ring and and the bell finally sounds to officially start this match. Anderson goes to work on Ray. Bully Ray takes over the offense of the match. Bully Ray yells real loud at Anderson while he beats him up. Anderson hits a DDT on Bully Ray to slow things down. Both guys are down as the crowd gets behind Anderson. Several nearfalls for each guy occur before Bully Ray wraps his chain around his hand right in front of the ref's face. Anderson picks Bully Ray up, however, and then drops him a bit. Botched spot. Bully Ray yells "screw you" to Anderson and walks up the ramp. Anderson goes after him and attacks him. He throws Ray back in the ring. Anderson picks up the chain now and wraps it aruond his hand. The ref grabs Anderson, allowing Ray to low blow Anderson and roll him up for the 1-2-3. Bully Ray wins.
Winner: Bully Ray
I'm not sure what to think of Bully Ray's win. On one hand, it makes him look stronger, which he needed. On the other hand, it makes Anderson look even weaker, which he didn't need at all.
TNA World Title: Sting (c) vs. Kurt Angle
Out first is the Olympic hero Kurt Angle. Out next is the TNA World Champion Sting. "The Insane Icon" makes his way to the ring for tonight's World Title main event match with Kurt Angle. Borash does the long, drawn-out in-ring introductions for both guys before the match starts. Angle is in control early, out mat-wrestling Sting on the ground. Sting finally backs Angle into a corner and gains the upper hand in the match for the first time. The crowd breaks into a split, "Let's Go Angle!" and "Let's Go Sting!" chant as Sting continues his onslaught on Angle. Angle slowly fighting his way back into the match. Sting back-body drops Angle over the top and onto the floor - hard. Sting goes out to the floor to capitalize on a hurt Angle. Back in the ring, Angle again fights his way back into the match. Sting slows Angle's momentum down with a big clothesline. Both guys are down now as the crowd gets behind their guys. Crowd seems to be split pretty even on both guys. Sting nails Angle several times and then DDTs him hard to the canvas. Sting then hits his backwards DDT on Angle for a nearfall. Angle hits a series of suplexes on Sting for a nearfall attempt of his own. Angle is going to the top, likely for a moonsault. Angle misses a big moonsault attempt as Sting got out of the way just in time. Sting hits an Angle Slam on Angle himself for a close nearfall. Sting is going for the Scorpion Deathlock, and he locks it in tight in the middle of the ring. Angle is trynig to crawl to the ropes to break the hold. He finally does. Sting immediately hits Angle with a Stinger splash. Sting misses a second splash and Angle hits the Angle Slam on Sting. Angle covers Sting but Sting manages to kick out at two. Sting applies Angle's own Ankle Lock onto Angle in the center of the ring. Angle rolls through and kicks Sting off to break the hold. Angle immediately applies Sting's own Scorpion Deathlock on Sting himself. Sting gets to the ropes to break the hold. Angle nailing Sting in the lower back with double-axe handles. Angle with a series of suplexes on Sting yet again. Angle reverses a Sting slam attempt into the Ankle Lock in the middle of the ring. The ref gets bumped during a kick attempt by Angle. Sting and Angle are both down as well. Hulk Hogan is shown coming down the ramp with a steel chair in his hand. Crowd is chanting "Hogan, Hogan!" as he enters the ring with the chair. Hogan looking to hit Sting with the chair but Angle grabs the chair from out of Hogan's hands. Hogan slides out of the ring. Angle turns around and he himself blasts Sting with the chair. He grabs the ref and then hits the Angle Slam on Sting. He covers Sting and we have 1. We have 2. We have 3. We have a new TNA World Champion. Hogan is shown looking ahead from the ramp.
Winner and NEW TNA World Champion: Kurt Angle
Out first is the Olympic hero Kurt Angle. Out next is the TNA World Champion Sting. "The Insane Icon" makes his way to the ring for tonight's World Title main event match with Kurt Angle. Borash does the long, drawn-out in-ring introductions for both guys before the match starts. Angle is in control early, out mat-wrestling Sting on the ground. Sting finally backs Angle into a corner and gains the upper hand in the match for the first time. The crowd breaks into a split, "Let's Go Angle!" and "Let's Go Sting!" chant as Sting continues his onslaught on Angle. Angle slowly fighting his way back into the match. Sting back-body drops Angle over the top and onto the floor - hard. Sting goes out to the floor to capitalize on a hurt Angle. Back in the ring, Angle again fights his way back into the match. Sting slows Angle's momentum down with a big clothesline. Both guys are down now as the crowd gets behind their guys. Crowd seems to be split pretty even on both guys. Sting nails Angle several times and then DDTs him hard to the canvas. Sting then hits his backwards DDT on Angle for a nearfall. Angle hits a series of suplexes on Sting for a nearfall attempt of his own. Angle is going to the top, likely for a moonsault. Angle misses a big moonsault attempt as Sting got out of the way just in time. Sting hits an Angle Slam on Angle himself for a close nearfall. Sting is going for the Scorpion Deathlock, and he locks it in tight in the middle of the ring. Angle is trynig to crawl to the ropes to break the hold. He finally does. Sting immediately hits Angle with a Stinger splash. Sting misses a second splash and Angle hits the Angle Slam on Sting. Angle covers Sting but Sting manages to kick out at two. Sting applies Angle's own Ankle Lock onto Angle in the center of the ring. Angle rolls through and kicks Sting off to break the hold. Angle immediately applies Sting's own Scorpion Deathlock on Sting himself. Sting gets to the ropes to break the hold. Angle nailing Sting in the lower back with double-axe handles. Angle with a series of suplexes on Sting yet again. Angle reverses a Sting slam attempt into the Ankle Lock in the middle of the ring. The ref gets bumped during a kick attempt by Angle. Sting and Angle are both down as well. Hulk Hogan is shown coming down the ramp with a steel chair in his hand. Crowd is chanting "Hogan, Hogan!" as he enters the ring with the chair. Hogan looking to hit Sting with the chair but Angle grabs the chair from out of Hogan's hands. Hogan slides out of the ring. Angle turns around and he himself blasts Sting with the chair. He grabs the ref and then hits the Angle Slam on Sting. He covers Sting and we have 1. We have 2. We have 3. We have a new TNA World Champion. Hogan is shown looking ahead from the ramp.
Winner and NEW TNA World Champion: Kurt Angle
Why does Hogan have to be involved in this? He's only feuding with Sting, and he has had very little interaction with the Angle/Sting lead-up on Impact, so why get involved in the match? Is he just that much of a spotlight ****e?
Also, does this mean Angle is a heel? If he is, they have almost no faces that a legitimate threats to the World title left. AJ Styles, Sting, and...who else? Kazarian? RVD? Daniels? I don't know why they are turning everyone heel, because if they don't stop soon, Sting will be the only face left.
