The Things I Learned During Delivery

[TheOneBigWill]

1. Labor Poop: This is a term the Doctor's use for the Patient, after they receive an Epidural and can no longer feel below the lower half of their stomach. It's regular poop, only apparently acceptable to do without being near or on a toilet, because you can't feel yourself doing it.

2. Labor Time: Apparently Doctor's don't really watch Professional Wrestling. And if they do, don't appreciate when you use their terms in connection to Wrestling terms. (example - The Doctor said that most Women try to push harder, so they can have their child before or by a certain time. I considered that to be similar to an Iron Man match.. explaining to Erin she had to beat the clock. The Doctor said no.)

3. Sewing Afterwards: Never ask the Doctor to sew her up tighter.. as in.. virgin tighter. That's apparently a no-no to ask for.

4. All About Her: When someone in the room asks How are you doing? Never assume they're speaking to you. You'll always get a dirty look, followed by an awkward silence.

5. Watching the Birth: While I can't say it'll change my desire for sex.. I do believe I can never look at either a Pussy, or, a Watermelon the same way again.

Also.. NEVER under any circumstance.. watch the Doctor insert their WHOLE HAND into the crotch. It makes you feel very uncomfortable, and yet slightly turned on.

This is all.. for now.. my memory works better on more sleep. So I'll update in roughly 18 years.

 

[Steamboat Ricky]

1. Labor Poop: This is a term the Doctor's use for the Patient, after they receive an Epidural and can no longer feel below the lower half of their stomach. It's regular poop, only apparently acceptable to do without being near or on a toilet, because you can't feel yourself doing it.

2. Labor Time: Apparently Doctor's don't really watch Professional Wrestling. And if they do, don't appreciate when you use their terms in connection to Wrestling terms. (example - The Doctor said that most Women try to push harder, so they can have their child before or by a certain time. I considered that to be similar to an Iron Man match.. explaining to Erin she had to beat the clock. The Doctor said no.)

3. Sewing Afterwards: Never ask the Doctor to sew her up tighter.. as in.. virgin tighter. That's apparently a no-no to ask for.

4. All About Her: When someone in the room asks How are you doing? Never assume they're speaking to you. You'll always get a dirty look, followed by an awkward silence.

5. Watching the Birth: While I can't say it'll change my desire for sex.. I do believe I can never look at either a Pussy, or, a Watermelon the same way again.

Also.. NEVER under any circumstance.. watch the Doctor insert their WHOLE HAND into the crotch. It makes you feel very uncomfortable, and yet slightly turned on.

This is all.. for now.. my memory works better on more sleep. So I'll update in roughly 18 years.

Only one woman does that. Stephanie. Pushing Trips of course.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Only one woman does that. Stephanie. Pushing Trips of course.

Erin really wanted Christian to be born on the 15th, so a whole "number connection" and overall freaky sort of thing would occur.

(more or less, Gabrielle is our 1st child.. and her birthday is 1 week before mine. Christian is our 2nd, and had he of been born on the 15th, would've been exactly 2 weeks after mine. What's more.. we'd each share the exact same "day", as they'd be fall on the same day of the week, each of the three dates.)

By the way.. As we closed in on Midnight, like at 11:59p.m.. I began counting down, as if the Iron Man match was ending. Once we hit Midnight, I told Erin she was in Overtime. LOL

 

[Steamboat Ricky]

Erin really wanted Christian to be born on the 15th, so a whole "number connection" and overall freaky sort of thing would occur.

(more or less, Gabrielle is our 1st child.. and her birthday is 1 week before mine. Christian is our 2nd, and had he of been born on the 15th, would've been exactly 2 weeks after mine. What's more.. we'd each share the exact same "day", as they'd be fall on the same day of the week, each of the three dates.)

By the way.. As we closed in on Midnight, like at 11:59p.m.. I began counting down, as if the Iron Man match was ending. Once we hit Midnight, I told Erin she was in Overtime. LOL

Was your doctor Earl Hebner? Chief of Surgery...Gorilla Monsoon? Making you the role of...Jose Lothario???

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Was your doctor Earl Hebner? Chief of Surgery...Gorilla Monsoon? Making you the role of...Jose Lothario???

I believe our Doctor was related to the late great WCW Referee who used to mimic all of the Wrestlers, when they wrestled. I say this, because Erin's Doctor was coaching her extremely well.. and almost acting out, as if SHE was the one having the baby.

I likely played the role of Bobby Heenan, since I was told to constantly hold one of her legs in place. (ala old school, holding the leg down, so they can get a cheap 3-count)

 

[Uncle Sam]

Fuck dat shit, mang.

 

[Minor League Brian]

The sewing part had me in stitches.

 

[The Bearded One]

3. Sewing Afterwards: Never ask the Doctor to sew her up tighter.. as in.. virgin tighter. That's apparently a no-no to ask for.

Oh my God. It takes a true man to ask that. Even though the doctor apparently didn't approve, did he at least oblige?

 

[Y 2 Jake]

1. Labor Poop:

I think I've bought that up before.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Oh, indeed you have Jake. Indeed you have.

 

[NSL]

1. Labor Poop: This is a term the Doctor's use for the Patient, after they receive an Epidural and can no longer feel below the lower half of their stomach. It's regular poop, only apparently acceptable to do without being near or on a toilet, because you can't feel yourself doing it.

Yeah...This was fucking gross. I was like "You're shitting on our child, what the fuck!?"

2. Labor Time: Apparently Doctor's don't really watch Professional Wrestling. And if they do, don't appreciate when you use their terms in connection to Wrestling terms. (example - The Doctor said that most Women try to push harder, so they can have their child before or by a certain time. I considered that to be similar to an Iron Man match.. explaining to Erin she had to beat the clock. The Doctor said no.)

3. Sewing Afterwards: Never ask the Doctor to sew her up tighter.. as in.. virgin tighter. That's apparently a no-no to ask for.

I did, and got the resulting dirty look. Then I asked if he'd just show it shut, "since I haven't gotten any in 9 months anyway"

4. All About Her: When someone in the room asks How are you doing? Never assume they're speaking to you. You'll always get a dirty look, followed by an awkward silence.

Thinking back, there was a lot of silence when the nurse was asking how she was, and I answered.

5. Watching the Birth: While I can't say it'll change my desire for sex.. I do believe I can never look at either a Pussy, or, a Watermelon the same way again.

This. Is. Horrible. I looked once, and saw the baby crowning, and almost hit the floor. I used to laugh at guy's passing out, and now I wonder how I didn't. Also, don't ever tell her "You better not complain it hurts, ever again." Dirty looks will ensue.

Also.. NEVER under any circumstance.. watch the Doctor insert their WHOLE HAND into the crotch. It makes you feel very uncomfortable, and yet slightly turned on.

It pissed me off.

This is all.. for now.. my memory works better on more sleep. So I'll update in roughly 18 years.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Why is it OK for Will's wife to poo on a child, but I get looks when I do it?

 

[Y 2 Jake]

Why is it OK for Will's wife to poo on a child, but I get looks when I do it?

Because a childs eyes are closed when they're pushed out of a vagina.

 

[Uncle Sam]

I should certainly hope so.

 

[justinsayne]

3. Sewing Afterwards: Never ask the Doctor to sew her up tighter.. as in.. virgin tighter. That's apparently a no-no to ask for.

True story, my friends wife asked the exact same thing, apparently she felt her husband would enjoy it more

 

[HBK-aholic]

If I ever decided I wanted kids, I'd just have to read this thread to think it's NEVER happening. Labour poop? Inserting his WHOLE hand? They Sew??

 

[Uncle Sam]

There's always a c-section.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

Cool scars.

 

[justinsayne]

If I ever decided I wanted kids, I'd just have to read this thread to think it's NEVER happening. Labour poop? Inserting his WHOLE hand? They Sew??

Kinda makes me happy I'm a guy...

 

[Pimpin]

1. Labor Poop: This is a term the Doctor's use for the Patient, after they receive an Epidural and can no longer feel below the lower half of their stomach. It's regular poop, only apparently acceptable to do without being near or on a toilet, because you can't feel yourself doing it.

I know man. Pretty gross huh.

2. Labor Time: Apparently Doctor's don't really watch Professional Wrestling. And if they do, don't appreciate when you use their terms in connection to Wrestling terms. (example - The Doctor said that most Women try to push harder, so they can have their child before or by a certain time. I considered that to be similar to an Iron Man match.. explaining to Erin she had to beat the clock. The Doctor said no.)

Hahahahahahaha that's hilarious man. Maybe I should try it when my girlfriend gives birth in 2 months

3. Sewing Afterwards: Never ask the Doctor to sew her up tighter.. as in.. virgin tighter. That's apparently a no-no to ask for.

Oh the dirty looks I got when I asked that when my son was born. Oh it was terrible indeed.

4. All About Her: When someone in the room asks How are you doing? Never assume they're speaking to you. You'll always get a dirty look, followed by an awkward silence.

That's why I either go to the bathroom, go to Subway or go get a snack/drink from the Vending Machines when someone(mainly her family) asks her that cause they are so god damn annoying

5. Watching the Birth: While I can't say it'll change my desire for sex.. I do believe I can never look at either a Pussy, or, a Watermelon the same way again.

After watching the birth of my son 3 years ago. I still can't look at Pussy the same way again. Hell I can't even umm nevermind.

Also.. NEVER under any circumstance.. watch the Doctor insert their WHOLE HAND into the crotch. It makes you feel very uncomfortable, and yet slightly turned on.

I've always wanted to stick my entire hand in a woman's crotch for a whole different reason than why the doctor is but it's extremely uncomfortable to watch at the same time without getting a boner.

This is all.. for now.. my memory works better on more sleep. So I'll update in roughly 18 years.

Lol. had nothing better to say about that.