Once again, I'm referring back to the field of psychology for this topic and is also drawn from a real life experience.(I swear, I'll make this one shorter) Now, everybody has an imagine of themselves and everybody has an imagine of the person they want to be or at least most do. Some psychologists believe that we humans are always striving to fulfill their innate capacities and unlock their latent capabilities to become everything their genetic potential will allow them to become. This striving fulfillment is called the self-actualization tendency. Whether most people believe it or simply refuse it, there is always an inner conflict with yourself, thus is the nature of the real self vs the ideal self. This self actualization tendency is an important tool to developing an image of ones self or the self-concept.
Now the two components of this self concept is of course, the real self(Ones actual perception of characteristics, traits, and abilities the form the basis of the striving for the self actualization tendency). Then there is the Ideal self(The perception of what one should or wants to be). Carl Rogers believed that when the real self and the ideal self are closely related, people will feel competent and capable. But when there was a mismatch of the two there can result in an increase in anxiety and neurotic behavior.
Now, I've personally witnessed this kind of um, identity crisis I guess you could say, especially from a close relative who was 4 years older than me. When alone, or secluded down two 3 or 4 close friends, this person was a very calm and collected individual. Never said anything that would come across as being out of line or abnormal and never ever got on anybody's nerves and was all around a nice and gentle guy. Then one night, I went to a party with him and with some people he had been acquainted with at his new job(people I didn't know). So about an hour or so into this party after chatting with some of the guys I went to go see what my buddy was up to. I was shocked to see the things he was doing and the type of language that was slipping off his tongue(need to point out he's not a drinker and was sober the whole night, so alcohol was not to blame for his erratic behavior). There was a girl there, she had some what of a crush on him and I remember she said something in an attempt to be humorous and it didn't sit well with him and he told her to shut her mouth or he would slap the teeth out of her mouth. I was disgusted to see somebody I knew very well act in such I way I had never witness from before. I confronted him about it the following day and was looking for answers. He told me that when he is with those people, he feels like a whole different person, he feels a sense of power and acceptance that he never received from his school days, he said he liked how they made him feel about himself and as time went on his behavior got worse and he became severely abusive towards one of the girls he was dating, it was like he adopted a whole new personality from these people. I gradually stopped hanging out with him for awhile because of the person he had grown to become. Then one day he came to me and was almost in tears because he was pained and extremely displeased with the person he had become. He wanted to regress back to his old self but the person that had almost taken him over was fighting it the whole way and he couldn't gain control of himself. The fight that took place inside drove him insane and it took his life. He committed suicide 3 months after coming to me and pleading for the safety of his soul, this was 3 years ago next month. R.I.P Mike, everybody misses you.
I understand that these types of conflicts are inflicted on many people, such as myself, the loss got to me in very dark ways and I swore to myself I would become a better person for him. I find it difficult, because I can't deny the person I am, yet I can't deny the person who I see myself being. But going back to the beginning,the real self and the ideal self are more likely to match if if they aren't far apart from the start. When one has realistic views of the real self,ideal self is something attainable. When the persons view of the real self and ideal self are distorted or the ideal self is impossible to attain then that is where the problem usually arises, I think this must of been the mindset of Mike, he must of felt he sunk to far below to ever find the surface.
The point of this thread isn't to gain any sort of sympathy by sharing my somber tale but to make apparent at what people go through everyday. The battles we don't see but are often felt. So I propose some questions for all of you to ponder about.
What is your own stance on this topic in pure generalization?
Is this the kind of thing you ever personally struggled with?
Do you have an image of yourself? Your real self? and if so does it match your ideal self?
If not, what is the portrait of your ideal self look like? Is is realistic and attainable? Or did you maybe set the bar to high for an unrealistic standard?
Now the two components of this self concept is of course, the real self(Ones actual perception of characteristics, traits, and abilities the form the basis of the striving for the self actualization tendency). Then there is the Ideal self(The perception of what one should or wants to be). Carl Rogers believed that when the real self and the ideal self are closely related, people will feel competent and capable. But when there was a mismatch of the two there can result in an increase in anxiety and neurotic behavior.
Now, I've personally witnessed this kind of um, identity crisis I guess you could say, especially from a close relative who was 4 years older than me. When alone, or secluded down two 3 or 4 close friends, this person was a very calm and collected individual. Never said anything that would come across as being out of line or abnormal and never ever got on anybody's nerves and was all around a nice and gentle guy. Then one night, I went to a party with him and with some people he had been acquainted with at his new job(people I didn't know). So about an hour or so into this party after chatting with some of the guys I went to go see what my buddy was up to. I was shocked to see the things he was doing and the type of language that was slipping off his tongue(need to point out he's not a drinker and was sober the whole night, so alcohol was not to blame for his erratic behavior). There was a girl there, she had some what of a crush on him and I remember she said something in an attempt to be humorous and it didn't sit well with him and he told her to shut her mouth or he would slap the teeth out of her mouth. I was disgusted to see somebody I knew very well act in such I way I had never witness from before. I confronted him about it the following day and was looking for answers. He told me that when he is with those people, he feels like a whole different person, he feels a sense of power and acceptance that he never received from his school days, he said he liked how they made him feel about himself and as time went on his behavior got worse and he became severely abusive towards one of the girls he was dating, it was like he adopted a whole new personality from these people. I gradually stopped hanging out with him for awhile because of the person he had grown to become. Then one day he came to me and was almost in tears because he was pained and extremely displeased with the person he had become. He wanted to regress back to his old self but the person that had almost taken him over was fighting it the whole way and he couldn't gain control of himself. The fight that took place inside drove him insane and it took his life. He committed suicide 3 months after coming to me and pleading for the safety of his soul, this was 3 years ago next month. R.I.P Mike, everybody misses you.
I understand that these types of conflicts are inflicted on many people, such as myself, the loss got to me in very dark ways and I swore to myself I would become a better person for him. I find it difficult, because I can't deny the person I am, yet I can't deny the person who I see myself being. But going back to the beginning,the real self and the ideal self are more likely to match if if they aren't far apart from the start. When one has realistic views of the real self,ideal self is something attainable. When the persons view of the real self and ideal self are distorted or the ideal self is impossible to attain then that is where the problem usually arises, I think this must of been the mindset of Mike, he must of felt he sunk to far below to ever find the surface.
The point of this thread isn't to gain any sort of sympathy by sharing my somber tale but to make apparent at what people go through everyday. The battles we don't see but are often felt. So I propose some questions for all of you to ponder about.
What is your own stance on this topic in pure generalization?
Is this the kind of thing you ever personally struggled with?
Do you have an image of yourself? Your real self? and if so does it match your ideal self?
If not, what is the portrait of your ideal self look like? Is is realistic and attainable? Or did you maybe set the bar to high for an unrealistic standard?
