The KillJoy Rants: Marriage & Divorce

[ABMorales787]

Marriage. Its the unity between two individuals who wan't to spend the rest of their lives together. Well at least thats what I was told in school.

Divorce. When one member of a married couple performs an act of adultery, the other person has a right to separate him/herself from the former. Well thats what I was told when daddy left home.

Every day thousands of people make the bond of marriage and thousands more break it in divorce. Nowadays its amazing if a couple can make it to their 10th anniversary. While some people see divorce as an escape from a bad marriage, others see it in confusion. Those would be the children. In most divorced families a child is always at play. Kids from such young ages as 10 months old are forced to go through this as if it were a mere formality. But its not. Take me for instance. At the age of 9 my parents divorced. Sure, it was on amicable terms, but I was a little kid. How was I supposed to know what happened. Was it my fault? I did play with daddy a lot and mom oftenly yelled at him. That was obviously not the case, but it did eat me for many years. Leaving me depressed on many occasions. I got over it at the age of 15, but the damage was there, I grew careless and border lined anti-socialism for quite a while before turning myself around. My parents where able to work out their differences in a respectable and orderly manner after the divorce but it didn't prevent the damage.

Nowadays people get divorced just because they want to, never thinking of the consequences. Oftenly in court a child's custody falls under dispute just to spite the other party. The morality of marriage has also falling, sinking as low as the Las Vegas Drive-Throughs. People getting married just for fun. This is supposed to be the back bone of the family, what do you think happens when you remove that back bone? What are you thoughts on this growing "trend"?

 

[Notorious718]

This trend sickens me. My parents weren't married but when my father left and my parents got seperated (so they weren't divorced per se), they might as well have been divorced. It was one of the most confusing things ever. I was five when they were seperated. "Will I see daddy again?" "Why are we moving, mommy?" I constantly asked myself these questions after I moved from the only home I knew (Queens, NY) to California. I haven't seen my dad since then and I'm 17 now. It's been 12 years. I look at the kids where I currently live and I envy them because they all have both their parents. Sometimes I wonder what it's like to truely have a father because I forgot. A lot of guys would have the proverbial "ceremony" which involves them having their fathers help them with their ties and fancy tuxes for prom (or something like that). I never got that. When I see the kids in my community, I look at them as lucky. I've honestly never met someone whose parents have been divorced so I can't speak for others who have had to go through this but it sucks. And if parents really are getting married for fun and then getting divorced then it sickens me.

 

[Dagger Dias]

This growing trend is one of the few things that ticks me off to no end. I have extremely strong opinions on why this trend needs to end. It screws up peoples' lives both mentally and emotionally. When a couple get married it should be because they are madly in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together.... as in FOREVER. The problem is too many people are getting into serious relationships for the physical aspects. Attracted to someone? Great. Now try getting to know them as a human being. Chances are you'll find out things you really like about them. Or you might not. Often people will ignore things that bug them about someone and stay with them because they want to have someone to get intimate or physical with. That's not how it was meant to be. Physicalities (hugging, kissing, sex, etc) are all just acts unless there are legit feelings shared between the individuals. It's better to get out of a bad relationship when you know it's bad, rather than let things get worse if you marry them and end up having to get a divorce. I personally don't believe in divorce unless someone has been cheated on, or their life is in danger, stuff like that. Otherwise I truly believe that marriage is meant to last forever, "until death do you part".

Many people are also rushing things. Living together can often be an issue. When you live with someone without marrying them, there is that mentality of "if things don't work out, one of us can always just leave!". Guess what? If you already have such a mentality by living with someone and then marry them, the mentality doesn't go away in some people's cases. They will see divorce as a way out, when they rushed things and had no idea what they were getting into.

People give me a hard time about having high standards for the women I date. Few fit my standards. I have high standards for a reason though. When I find the woman of my dreams and we fall madly in love with each other, there is no doubt in my mind that our marriage would last forever. We would have the same values, would not live together until marriage, and would grow together spiritually.... all eventually leading to physicalities that are more than just acts because of the legitimate feelings of love shared by the couple. THAT is how things were meant to be done.

Marriage is meant to start and keep families together. If this backbone is removed, people's lives get messed up. People instead are moving too far too fast when they either "think it would be a fun idea" or are so sexually frustrated that they see marriage as a "gateway" to sex. BOTH of those mindsets are wrong in my opinion and I absolutely detest how all the growing divorce rates are making marriage look bad.

What it comes down to in the end is this.... You should only marry when you are so madly in love with your significant other than you want to be with them forever AND they feel the same way about you.... Otherwise DON'T DO IT! Obviously that's easier said than done.... but whoever said life was easy?

 

[Nev]

Well unfortunately it CAN'T change. Society is changing by the years, times are changing, and most people just don't give a crap. I don't want to imagine how fucked up our kids are going to be, but if you think these times are awful, you don't want to think about 2050.

This subject falls under "morality", and "morality" can't be taught in schools. It falls on the responsibility of parents and how they decide to raise their children. It also doesn't help that first-time parents nowadays treat marriage more like dating rather than at least a commitment.

Regardless of how anyone views the divorce rates in the U.S, and marriage altogether, I still think it's something to be of concern. But unfortunately, as I mentioned earlier, times are just changing. You can't do anything about it man.

 

[BladeRunner]

I'm going to have to play devil's advocate here.

Divorces are a necessary part of society, even if they're not pleasant things to go through or deal with.

Sometimes, people just don't get along with each other like they used to. And it wouldn't be right to force people to stay together that don't want to be together. Because the whole point of a marriage, is that you want to be with that someone. That's the whole point of love, to stay with someone you love.

Divorces have nothing to do with the kids. It's between those 2 people and the problems they have. It's just that kids get stuck in the middle of it. It has nothing to do with how the kids act, it's about how the 2 adults can't get along with each other.

You can't let the fact that your parents happen to not like hanging out with each other bother you.

Should people give each other a chance if they're married? Yes. Should they give each other multiple chances even? Yes.

But sometimes things just don't work out. And that's okay too.

My brother got divorced from a horrible wife that cheated on him. And now he's with one of the coolest best people I've ever met. So a divorce was a good thing for him, in that it led him to something much better.

Marriages shouldn't be taken lightly. But sometimes things just don't work out. People should do what makes them happy.

 

[HBK-aholic]

Divorce increasing is a good thing. If you think now there are more people who fall out of love, you are wrong. There has always been this situation, except people were stuck in 'empty shell marriages'; the couple weren't in love they just stayed together. Do you really think that's better for your or your children to grow up in?

Domestic Violence was seen as a regular marital affair - that was no reason for a marriage to break up. Women weren't even allowed to instigate divorce, being the second class citizens we were. And if we managed it, our husbands got everything, including custody of the children. Women rarely worked, and definitely not in a job that could pay bills, so they had no other real options.

Religion also has an influence. As secularisation is occuring, especially in the UK, the influence of the Churches 'no divorce' policy has weakened. People no longer think about how God will view them divorcing. The group with the lowest divorce rate is Muslims. Now, is that because Muslims have better marraiges than Christians? Of course not, it's because religion still plays a big part in life, and getting divorced is seen to 'bring shame' upon your family.

So if you think about it, divorce being accessible nd increasing now isn't because of an increase in people getting married without love, it's because of an increase in peoples choices to get divorced if they feel it's necessary. A family do not need a married mother and father to be happy and normal, and often, happiness comes from separation.

 

[pyrusane]

See, this is one I take very personally, but from a very different perspective. I am twice divorced.

I married my first wife when I was nineteen. I loved her, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She supposedly felt the same way. By our first anniversary she had cheated on me at least three times. Or rather, numerous times with at least three other people. As it turns out, this is a problem she has no matter who she is with, and it continues all the way up to this day. I made a bad choice, I had my heart broken, and I left.

Two years later I met the woman that would be my second wife. We fell in love fairly quickly, but we were together for a little over a year before we made the decision to get married. We shared all of the same interests, we wanted the same things in life, we seemed perfect for each other. Of course, looking back now, I realize that a lot of that was due to youth. As you get older, the things you want out of life change, you grow up. After nine years, my second wife and I sat down, looked at where we were in life, what goals we had, the directions we were going. And we both realized that we no longer had anything in common. We had, over nine years together, become strangers.

I am happy to say that my second wife remains one of my closest friends and strongest supporters. We were miserable being married to each other, and growing more miserable every day. The best thing we could have ever done to save our friendship was end our marriage.

Now, that all being said, both of those marriages had one thing in common; we had no children together. I understand the impact that a decision like that can have on children, as I was raised for the majority of my life by a single mother. I can also say, though, without a shadow of a doubt, that if my mother had stayed with the pitiful excuse of a man that was my biological father, then I never would have had the opportunity to meet and grow to love my stepfather. I didn't have the benefit of having him around during my formative years, but I am sure as hell glad to have him around now.

So, while I see the points that are being made, I detest the generalizations that go with them. In both of my marriages, I went in with every intention of them lasting forever. In both cases, I expected to be with that woman for the rest of my life. And in both cases, I feel like the divorce was ultimately the best possible ending.

 

[Robot Lies]

Divorce increasing is a good thing. If you think now there are more people who fall out of love, you are wrong. There has always been this situation, except people were stuck in 'empty shell marriages'; the couple weren't in love they just stayed together. Do you really think that's better for your or your children to grow up in?

I agree. I wish my parents had of gotten a divorce when I was young. Then I could have had a shot at witnessing a healthy relationship as a kid... it may have served well growing up.

Ohhh well.

 

[ABMorales787]

Divorce increasing is a good thing. If you think now there are more people who fall out of love, you are wrong. There has always been this situation, except people were stuck in 'empty shell marriages'; the couple weren't in love they just stayed together. Do you really think that's better for your or your children to grow up in?

Domestic Violence was seen as a regular marital affair - that was no reason for a marriage to break up. Women weren't even allowed to instigate divorce, being the second class citizens we were. And if we managed it, our husbands got everything, including custody of the children. Women rarely worked, and definitely not in a job that could pay bills, so they had no other real options.

Religion also has an influence. As secularisation is occuring, especially in the UK, the influence of the Churches 'no divorce' policy has weakened. People no longer think about how God will view them divorcing. The group with the lowest divorce rate is Muslims. Now, is that because Muslims have better marraiges than Christians? Of course not, it's because religion still plays a big part in life, and getting divorced is seen to 'bring shame' upon your family.

So if you think about it, divorce being accessible nd increasing now isn't because of an increase in people getting married without love, it's because of an increase in peoples choices to get divorced if they feel it's necessary. A family do not need a married mother and father to be happy and normal, and often, happiness comes from separation.

I see your point of view, I don't believe all religions are to blame here, or religion itself. People need to think thoroughly first who they want to spend their life with in matrimony. Part of that involves what religion to follow as some relationships fall apart by just bickering about their believes or what church to attend to. But thats not my point. Where I studied I've had the privilege of seeing the most serene of matrimonies. In my old school, which was of 7th day adventist religion, out of the 120-ish students, maybe 20 had divorced parents and maybe 4 or 5 had problems. The adventist religion frowns upon divorce but doesn't deny it. It also frown's upon quick marriages (relationships a year and 1/2 or under). They don't deny them either, but they do protest about it. I'm not saying its the religion, but how these people were taught to make their decision.

See, this is one I take very personally, but from a very different perspective. I am twice divorced.

I married my first wife when I was nineteen. I loved her, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She supposedly felt the same way. By our first anniversary she had cheated on me at least three times. Or rather, numerous times with at least three other people. As it turns out, this is a problem she has no matter who she is with, and it continues all the way up to this day. I made a bad choice, I had my heart broken, and I left.

I see. Your first divorce fell due to infidelity. Thats perfectly understandable because its not your fault. These things sadly happen, and you did what was right. I'm not saying divorce is wrong, but rushing to marriage and then divorcing is. You didn't do it. Its better to walk out of these circumstances, as it could've only gotten worse.

Two years later I met the woman that would be my second wife. We fell in love fairly quickly, but we were together for a little over a year before we made the decision to get married. We shared all of the same interests, we wanted the same things in life, we seemed perfect for each other. Of course, looking back now, I realize that a lot of that was due to youth. As you get older, the things you want out of life change, you grow up. After nine years, my second wife and I sat down, looked at where we were in life, what goals we had, the directions we were going. And we both realized that we no longer had anything in common. We had, over nine years together, become strangers.

I am happy to say that my second wife remains one of my closest friends and strongest supporters. We were miserable being married to each other, and growing more miserable every day. The best thing we could have ever done to save our friendship was end our marriage.

This is what I meant by "rushing it". Don't get me wrong, I'm not pointing fingers, just commenting, but should you have given it more time, perhaps thing would've ended up differently. Maybe things would've worked out better and you would still be married or maybe your paths would've been different. The point is you get along with her. Something most people seem unable to accomplish. Nowadays its almost labeled as an obligation to hate your ex.

Now, that all being said, both of those marriages had one thing in common; we had no children together. I understand the impact that a decision like that can have on children, as I was raised for the majority of my life by a single mother. I can also say, though, without a shadow of a doubt, that if my mother had stayed with the pitiful excuse of a man that was my biological father, then I never would have had the opportunity to meet and grow to love my stepfather. I didn't have the benefit of having him around during my formative years, but I am sure as hell glad to have him around now.

I'm glad it worked with you and your stepfather. I have one and even though there isn't much in common between us, he's taught me a lot and has also helped me hugely in my darkest hours.

So, while I see the points that are being made, I detest the generalizations that go with them. In both of my marriages, I went in with every intention of them lasting forever. In both cases, I expected to be with that woman for the rest of my life. And in both cases, I feel like the divorce was ultimately the best possible ending.

I'm glad to see it from a different perspective. You are one of a few and I wish there would be more people like you. But sadly the majority doesn't hold the same views as you on this subject.

 

[HBK-aholic]

I see your point of view, I don't believe all religions are to blame here, or religion itself. People need to think thoroughly first who they want to spend their life with in matrimony. Part of that involves what religion to follow as some relationships fall apart by just bickering about their believes or what church to attend to. But thats not my point. Where I studied I've had the privilege of seeing the most serene of matrimonies. In my old school, which was of 7th day adventist religion, out of the 120-ish students, maybe 20 had divorced parents and maybe 4 or 5 had problems. The adventist religion frowns upon divorce but doesn't deny it. It also frown's upon quick marriages (relationships a year and 1/2 or under). They don't deny them either, but they do protest about it. I'm not saying its the religion, but how these people were taught to make their decision.

I think the decline in religion is actually proportional to the increase in divorce. Again, not because more people fall out of love now, but because they have the means to end the marriage. As I said before, Christianity has easily lost the most influence over it's members. Islam, on the other hand, is still very influential in the daily lives of it's followers. Muslims also have one of, if not the, lowest divorce rate in the country. Do they have better marriages than Christians? Of course not, they just don't do anything about it.

I think there are very, very few people who go into marriage thinking they're not going to be together forever; we're talking less than 1%. Marriage is not taken lightly for the most part. Things happen, just like they always have, except now people, both male and female, feel okay to get a divorce if they're not happy; I don't see a problem with that.

 

[FromTheSouth]

I think the decline in religion is actually proportional to the increase in divorce. Again, not because more people fall out of love now, but because they have the means to end the marriage. As I said before, Christianity has easily lost the most influence over it's members. Islam, on the other hand, is still very influential in the daily lives of it's followers. Muslims also have one of, if not the, lowest divorce rate in the country. Do they have better marriages than Christians? Of course not, they just don't do anything about it.

I think there are very, very few people who go into marriage thinking they're not going to be together forever; we're talking less than 1%. Marriage is not taken lightly for the most part. Things happen, just like they always have, except now people, both male and female, feel okay to get a divorce if they're not happy; I don't see a problem with that.

I agree with Becca. I think that divorce should be easier. I know that marriage is a legal contract, so I have no problem with the papers having to be filed. I do have a problem with the court having to grant the divorce. That's ludicrous. You should file papers, and go on about your merry way.

I also think it's ludicrous that people have to pay alimony, etc. If you want to maintain your lifestyle, stay with the man who cheated on you. You shouldn't get paid monthly because you weren't interesting enough to keep your husband faithful.

The only thing that should go into the courtroom is the division of assets. I feel that the person who asks for the divorce should also be given less of the assets. If a woman, who doesn't work or doesn't earn as much asks for the divorce, there is no need for her to be given half or more of the things in the marriage. So what if the guy cheats? It's not the courts place to make moral judgments and make the judgments the basis for the division of assets. If the guy makes twice as much as the woman, he should get twice as much of the pot. If the woman didn't work, she should be given enough to get by for a few months and that's it. It is unfair to marry for money, and then get half of it when none of it is yours.

The only special considerations of any kind should be made for children. That's it. It isn't the kids fault people fall out of love. They should be granted a lifestyle in accordance to what they would have.

 

[ABMorales787]

I agree with Becca. I think that divorce should be easier. I know that marriage is a legal contract, so I have no problem with the papers having to be filed. I do have a problem with the court having to grant the divorce. That's ludicrous. You should file papers, and go on about your merry way.

I also think it's ludicrous that people have to pay alimony, etc. If you want to maintain your lifestyle, stay with the man who cheated on you. You shouldn't get paid monthly because you weren't interesting enough to keep your husband faithful.

The only thing that should go into the courtroom is the division of assets. I feel that the person who asks for the divorce should also be given less of the assets. If a woman, who doesn't work or doesn't earn as much asks for the divorce, there is no need for her to be given half or more of the things in the marriage. So what if the guy cheats? It's not the courts place to make moral judgments and make the judgments the basis for the division of assets. If the guy makes twice as much as the woman, he should get twice as much of the pot. If the woman didn't work, she should be given enough to get by for a few months and that's it. It is unfair to marry for money, and then get half of it when none of it is yours.

The only special considerations of any kind should be made for children. That's it. It isn't the kids fault people fall out of love. They should be granted a lifestyle in accordance to what they would have.

Wow. Now this a very conflicting argument for me. Mainly on the moral call the court has to make. There also the matter of the pention plan. I have no idea if I should agree or disagree on said subject. Mainly because sometimes a pention plan is necesary to keep the "less fortunate party" from "falling". In another side there are people who abuse of this. Greatly. I live both sides of that coin. See if my father wasn't sending me money, I wouldn't even be able to afford my car's gas. My mother also has to worry about my half sister, so all of her help can't come to me. On the other hand, there's my stepfather's ex-wife. Who abuses of said priviliges. She gets 450 dollars from my step-father a month and that money does not go to the kids. She spends them on herself. It comes from the mouth of the kids and because she has custody we can't do anything to reduce it.

To be honest, I would say such decision should go to the divorcing couple. Unfortunately it doesn't always work. That's were the judge and court come into play. To make it "fair". The call is never made based on how the custodian parent will spend the money, but on "fairness". "He/she called it, he/she makes less of a living, so I say give he/she this to compensate". This is never an easy call. That's why divorce is always such a danger.

 

[Razor]

Marriage. Its the unity between two individuals who want to spend the rest of their lives together. Well at least that's what I was told in school.

I was never taught about marriage in school, odd. And in High School when it was brought up everyone assumed the parents had taught their children what marriage is. Whatevs.

Divorce. When one member of a married couple performs an act of adultery, the other person has a right to separate him/herself from the former. Well thats what I was told when daddy left home.

Or when one beats another, when one mentally abuses another, or when the love in the marriage just isn't there. Would you rather a high divorce rate or a higher suicide and mentally ill child rate?

Every day thousands of people make the bond of marriage and thousands more break it in divorce. Nowadays its amazing if a couple can make it to their 10th anniversary.

In America, at least. The divorce rate is what, 50%?

While some people see divorce as an escape from a bad marriage, others see it in confusion.

Oh?

Those would be the children. In most divorced families a child is always at play. Kids from such young ages as 10 months old are forced to go through this as if it were a mere formality. But its not.

Children can get confused, sure. But would you rather confusion or being brought up in a marriage that obviously has no love to it? That is obviously frayed?

Take me for instance. At the age of 9 my parents divorced. Sure, it was on amicable terms, but I was a little kid. How was I supposed to know what happened. Was it my fault? I did play with daddy a lot and mom oftenly yelled at him. That was obviously not the case, but it did eat me for many years. Leaving me depressed on many occasions. I got over it at the age of 15, but the damage was there, I grew careless and border lined anti-socialism for quite a while before turning myself around. My parents where able to work out their differences in a respectable and orderly manner after the divorce but it didn't prevent the damage.

Are you saying you were anti-social because your parents divorced?

Take me as the counter-example.

My parents divorced when I was a year and a half because my father cheated on my mother. As he put it, "I can't be 24, married, and the father of 3 children."

I myself feel I got the better end of that deal. Sure, my childhood was fucked up, but it would have been even worse if I was forced to live in under a marriage that was obviously strained and loveless.

Nowadays people get divorced just because they want to, never thinking of the consequences.

Are you arguing that women who are beaten or cheated on should stay in the marriage for the child? I would say that if they stayed in that bad marriage the child would be just as, if not even moreso, scarred.

Often in court a child's custody falls under dispute just to spite the other party.

I doubt that. You can't take the actions of a few shrews and extrapolate them out to the majority of marriages.

The morality of marriage has also falling, sinking as low as the Las Vegas Drive-Throughs. People getting married just for fun.

But I thought there was a sanctity to marriage? At least, that's why I'm told my gay friends shouldn't be able to marry. Apparently two drunken people getting married in a drive-thru in Vegas and getting divorced in two months is more correct than two men or two women getting married, spurred by love, in the presence of their God.

This is supposed to be the back bone of the family, what do you think happens when you remove that back bone? What are you thoughts on this growing "trend"?

The increase of Divorce is a need. I'm not saying, "Hooray! 60% divorce rate? Let's get that bitch up to 70!" I'm just saying that the ability to divorce in the face of assault, mental abuse, or just plain loss of love is a necessity. Or else the child will be even more scarred emotionally than he would be if his parents divorced.

The increase in "Quickie-Marriages" are a shame, but I don't exactly give a shit. Their marriages won't in any way take the love away from my own.

 

[Kasey]

Solid discussion, guys. Marriage and divorce are definitely a topic I've put much thought into. I've been married going on six years and have been with my wife for nearly ten. The one thing I'll say I do know from talking to so many other people in my age bracket (and even younger ones) is that they don't stop to think about the big picture. Especially when it comes to relationships that are doomed from the get-go. Hormones are a big contributor to people ignoring incompatibilities that a more objective party can spot a mile away.

From personal experience, I knew that I wanted to marry my wife after only a couple of months. However, I spent time thinking about some of what I feel are the more important things that are usually glossed over before people walk down the aisle. Where are both of you going to be in twenty, thirty...or fifty years? Will you have kids? How will you support yourselves and each other? What are the personal ambitions you each have and will they conflict at some point? Down the road do you really see the relationship lasting to a point where you may have to change one another's diapers? And most importantly: Are you willing to work to make the relationship grow and not fall into stagnancy?

If people, religious or not, actually stopped and used their fucking brains for more than a nanosecond, they'd be able to identify relationships that shouldn't even go past the month mark. My old roommate was a prime example. He dated women constantly that I'd, beyond a doubt, consider "project girlfriends." Meaning that they always had some sort of hangup (i.e. alcoholism, bi-polar disorder, infidelity), but that he thought cock-first and let the relationship go WAY too far instead of taking a step back and removing the physical aspect of things to look at what really was going on in the guts of the relationship.

As for whether or not there is still sanctity in marriage? It's VERY relative. The beauty? The value? That's in the eye of the beholder...and in this case, to those who are actually getting married. Depending on who does it is the real clincher, for me. Way too many fucking people (including ones I know and am related to) spend more time thinking about getting married than actually being married and most importantly...STAYING MARRIED. That's something that makes me sick to my stomach.

This is also why I take offense to any religious prude fuck-mook who thinks gays shouldn't be able to get together. I say fuck it. If someone wants to get married, I don't care what kind of plumbing they're both equipped with. They're not hurting anyone else and if you're worried about them spreading more of "the gay," don't worry: they can't procreate. Besides, it's not like all of us Adam/Eve crew members has gotten things down to a fucking science where matrimony is concerned. At least not in my country.

 

[ABMorales787]

I was never taught about marriage in school, odd. And in High School when it was brought up everyone assumed the parents had taught their children what marriage is. Whatevs.

At least they were unbiased about it in school. Can't say they did the same about sex...

Or when one beats another, when one mentally abuses another, or when the love in the marriage just isn't there. Would you rather a high divorce rate or a higher suicide and mentally ill child rate?

Of course beating on your wife/husband (< hard to believe but it happens) is wrong. Its grounds for arrest and inprisonment.

In America, at least. The divorce rate is what, 50%?

Only halfway there.

Children can get confused, sure. But would you rather confusion or being brought up in a marriage that obviously has no love to it? That is obviously frayed?

Thats why you need to ask yourself if a relationship is stable enough for children.

Are you saying you were anti-social because your parents divorced?

There was a lot more to blame for that, but it played its part.

Take me as the counter-example.

Gladly.

My parents divorced when I was a year and a half because my father cheated on my mother. As he put it, "I can't be 24, married, and the father of 3 children."

Sorry to say it, but your father was an idiot for not saying no in the first place. That is a very irresponsible act on his part.

I myself feel I got the better end of that deal. Sure, my childhood was fucked up, but it would have been even worse if I was forced to live in under a marriage that was obviously strained and loveless.

Which is why you need to know your potential spouse inside and out. To learn all their customs, their relatives, their influences and behaviors.

Are you arguing that women who are beaten or cheated on should stay in the marriage for the child? I would say that if they stayed in that bad marriage the child would be just as, if not even moreso, scarred.

Of course not. In my OP I was referring to couples who get married in a short time of knowing each other and after a while they just detach because they want something different.

I doubt that. You can't take the actions of a few shrews and extrapolate them out to the majority of marriages.

Im gonna need a dictionary here but yeah, I've seen this happen a lot. I guess its not as common in your end.

But I thought there was a sanctity to marriage? At least, that's why I'm told my gay friends shouldn't be able to marry. Apparently two drunken people getting married in a drive-thru in Vegas and getting divorced in two months is more correct than two men or two women getting married, spurred by love, in the presence of their God.

According to the bible, a marriage is the unity of a man and a woman that agree to share their life as lovers and to create their own family. Obviously getting drunk and meeting a woman in a bar doesn't fall under that. On the other hand, gay marriage is something I don't approve of because a man and woman is the way to create a family. Two men can't have children on their own so obviously something isn't clicking. Same thing for lesbian couples. But just because its something I frown upon doesn't mean everyone has to follow. Not everyone shares my views on life and I certainly can't force it on to others.

The increase of Divorce is a need. I'm not saying, "Hooray! 60% divorce rate? Let's get that bitch up to 70!" I'm just saying that the ability to divorce in the face of assault, mental abuse, or just plain loss of love is a necessity. Or else the child will be even more scarred emotionally than he would be if his parents divorced.

I disagree. It should lower. Along with the domestic abuse and adultery rates. As I mentioned earlier in this post:

Which is why you need to know your potential spouse inside and out. To learn all their customs, their relatives, their influences and behaviors.

If you know your spouse as you should, you'd be aware if he/she has an anger issue or a tendency to look at other women/men and/or ignore you and what you say.

The increase in "Quickie-Marriages" are a shame, but I don't exactly give a shit. Their marriages won't in any way take the love away from my own.

A little selfish, but your right. However that "as long as you love each other" line is a danger. You should always know who you're loving before you take the "plunge".

 

[Tastycles]

The reason that divorce has increased over the last 50 years is that people have more desire and more independance to be happier. Infidelity and much worse has always existed and anyone who is blind to that is an idiot. The only people who ever flaunted it though were those held in enough esteem that they couldn't be judged. Henry VIII, I'm looking at you.

Nowadays, particularly women, but everyone else too, is entitled to live their life how they want to. If you look at people three or four generations ago, they'd live at home until their late teens, get married, then stay together till they died. How many people here are still in love with the person they were closest to when they were 16? Exactly. The difference is, is that you'd have married them, had kids, and spent the next 50 years of your life miserable and stuck in a rut.

I know divorce is a terrible thing when there are kids involved, but I can tell you for free that an abusive, miserable or neglectful partnership is a much worse thing to grow up in front of. It's a fact that the sons of men who cheat on their partners, beat their partners, or both are more likely to do so themselves. If they see their mother boot the man to the kerb as soon as she finds out, then it is less likely to happen in future.

We all make mistakes in life, and it is wrong to believe that every human beign is even capable of life long monogamy. Some are, some aren't, but there should be no reason to force those that aren't into doing it.