Tastycles' Assorted PPV reviews

[Tastycles]

There won't be any method to these, and it will largely consist of recent TNA PPVs and whatever they have for sale at the Cex next to my house. I don't want to do an individual thread for each because there won't be that many of them, and I'm not expecting a barrage of feedback, to be perfectly honest with you. So without further ado:

TNA Destination X 2010

TNA's changes under Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff are getting more clear, and TNA's destiny is pretty well mapped out at present. This PPV is the second that has had full build in this Hogan era, and the first built at all on the new Monday Night position of TNA.

Brian Kendrick vs Amazing Red vs Daniels vs Kazarian (Ladder Match)

One of the age old problems with TNA PPVs has been the incessant attempts to get everyone on the card. In times gone by, matches like this would have had about 10 people in it, and would have been a complete clusterfuck. These were the only 4 that you would ever think had a chance, so these should be the only 4 in the match.

We then set about what is quite a routine ladder match. There aren't too many huge spots early on, but we build up, with Daniels hitting a moonsault onto a ladder and Red hitting a hurracanrana outside the ring. Still after that, we get a fair deal of spots, but without anything too elaborate. As a result, there's a much more organic feel to this than you'd expect from a ladder match, but it does sacrifice the wow factor a little bit.

One quite significant criticism though is that the bumps are pretty much all taken by Kazarian and Daniels. That doesn't really matter, but it seems odd that Red and Kendrick just seem to vanish at times, often overselling hardly any offense. Indeed, the amount that Kazarian takes through the match is enormous, and yet he seems to get up from everything unscathed.

The ending is both awful and quite clever at the same time. Red is taken out with a big move by Daniels. Fine. Daniels is then thrown off with one of the most believable ladder suplexes I've seen. However, Kendrick tries to collect the contract with Kaz on the ladder, which is obviously bullshit, and then just falls off.

All in all, quite an old fashioned ladder match, but it was entertaining nonetheless even if it didn't set the world on fire. Too much focus on Kazarian and a weak ending mean this gets 7.2 out of 10

Daffney vs Tara (Knockouts Championship)

The match starts with Tara on the warpath. She does a few power moves, before hitting a standing moonsault. Daffney is back into it quickly, with a few moves in the corner before a few power moves of her own. Tara eventually performs an intelligent counter in the corner, but it doesn't last long.

The match flows a lot better than any other women's match that I have seen for quite some time, and Daffney begins to lock in some strange looking holds, but they look painful, so that's all that matters. Tara does manage to get back into control, and we see a few more power moves, and we then go quite back and forth with a couple of near falls. Daffney throws Tara out of the ring and tries to hit her with the belt, but to no avail, and Tara hits the Widow's Peak for the win.

Tara wins the match, and it was a thoroughly enjoyable encounter. Watching it, I didn't feel that the women's division was an afterthought, and that isn't something that is encountered often in wrestling to be honest with you. Nothing brilliant, but a really solid encounter scoring 8.1 out of 10

Magnus vs Rob Terry (Global Championship)

Wales' number 1 professional wrestler starts this one and repeatedly overpowers Magnus. Then he pins him. And he's won.

Not a very long match this, but they need to make Rob Terry look good and this is how they should do it. Probably shouldn't be on PPV though. I'm giving this a decent score, because it made sense it was short, and I'd rather see a one minute match than a ten minute match between these two. They played within their limitations, so I'm giving it 6.4 out of 10

Generation Me vs Motor City Machine Guns (Ultimate X)

These may be the two teams with the most chemistry anywhere in the world right now. They start off quickly, but they then slow down and settle into some back and forth action. The amazing thing about what happens next is that they start doing all the spots that you'd expect but without doing the usual three weeks of setting it up, making it look uber coreographed.

Every move looks huge and Generation Me in particular look like they are on fire. Some of the spots are really impressive, such as when Sabin levels one of the Bucks and then uses a poetry in motion type thing to get the otherone off the rope. What follows that is a lot of innovative spotty moves, but it really doesn't seem as rehearsed as most other matches. The match continues in this vein until Sabin manages to get the X after throwing one of the Bucks down, which was actually quite lacklustre after what had preceded it.

As realistic as the spots are, there wasn't really much flow to the match, and that is perhaps to be expected, even if it should be avoided. That is why I can't give this match more, as it never got me on the end of my seat, purely because there was no build into the big spots, and there was nothing in between them really to maintain suspense. Still, there is something quite awe inspiring about this, and there wasn't any botches, so I give it 9.0 out of 10

The Wolfpac vs Kevin Nash and Eric Young

We start with Syxx-Pac and Young in the ring. They start off looking like two blokes having a fight in the pub, but it soon settles into an actual wrestling style, albeit a brawl, with Young going apeshit until Hall gives him a cheap shot.

Hall comes in next, and starts to work on Young's arm, and is unbelievably not that shit at all. Waltman is soon back in and he throws Young from the ring, before rolling back the years with a dive over the top rope. Young throws Pac into the post, but Hall comes and gives him another cheap shot.

Hall is tagged back in, and puts Young in a sleeper. They trade places, but Hall powers out with a side slam. The referee is distracted as Syxx-Pac sprays paint in Young's eyes. He fights on, but he tags in Kevin Nash, who procedes to make the most obvious swerve in history. He powerbombs Young, then tags him back in. Hall hits The Razor's Edge for the win.

This wasn't anywhere near as bad as it could have been, and although the swerve was obvious, the match served it's purpose, and if anyone looked frail it was Kevin Nash, not the opponents. This was a decent match, if not world beating, and there wasn't much wrong with it at all, so it gets 6.8 out of 10

Shannon Moore vs Doug Williams (X-Division Title)

We start with a very open match before Williams starts to slow it down a bit. He uses a series of holds, before then attacking Williams in the corner. Moore gets back into it now, hitting a lot of high speed moves, which I don't think he got the opportunity to perform very often in WWE. The pitfalls of being shit I suppose.

That being said, this is a good outing, until Williams ***** him with a brick for the win. A solid match this, entertaining. Moore's debut made him look good, and Williams maintains his momentum. Nothing spectacular about this, but it did well, so I give it 7.6 out of 10

Beer Money vs Hernandez/Morgan

Hernandez and Morgan are falling apart. How anyone can bitch about Showmiz but ignore the fact that Hernandez and Morgan have even less in common and had absolutely no build is beyond me. Hernandez and Roode start us off, but then Morgan tags himself in, before getting punched in the head.

We go on routinely, until Hernandez comes in and holds Storm in the longest delayed vertical suplex in the world, but Morgan is being a tool after it and won't tag in. Until he does, three seconds later. Morgan hits Beer Money with a double cross body, then tags in Hernandez. Morgan blocks a suicide dive attempt by Hernandez, and Beer Money get in control.

I am Morgan's biggest critic, but he does well here. He acts like a complete tool, but does so without making himself the spectacle over the match. Meanwhile Hernandez sells like a bitch, while Beer Money run riot. Morgan eventually does get back in, and no sells a few slaps from Roode before tagging Hernandez in. Hernandez dives onto Roode, but as Morgan shouts at him, he ducks Storm's beer spit, which hits Morgan, before Morgan attacks Hernandez after he has picked up the win.

Morgan did well in this match, by staying out of the ring. The match itself may not have been anything to write home about, and indeed it wasn't, but it is so refreshing to see a tag match that isn't the same old tired formula and to see a match get a storyline over without compromising the quality that I am going to give this 8.5 out of 10

Mr. Anderson vs Kurt Angle


This match starts off with a series of holds, and Angle making a point of making Anderson look like a fool. This is obviously good psychology when you consider the storyline basis of this angle. Angle remains dominantin the early stages until Anderson hits him with a boot to the face and jumps with his arm out of the ring.

Anderson stays in control for a while, with some classic heel beat down moves on Angle. He works on one of Angle's arms, and intermittently does a few other moves. Anderson continues the onslaught on the arm, but mixes things up enough so that it isn't boring. Angle manages to pull it back with a series of clotheslines, before hitting a big suplex.

Angle is selling his arm, hitting all of his moves with his stronger arm. Anderson hits a Green Bay Plunge, but not on the top rope for a two, but his mic check attempt is reversed into a rolling German Suplex. He hits an Angle slam for a two count. Anderson kicked out a bit readily, but this is attributed to Angle not getting the slam in properly.

Anderson rolls out of an ankle lock, and low blows Kurt after knocking the referee and then hits the mic check for a two count. Angle manages to get out of it, hitting a frog splash but to no avail. The ref is taken out and is unable to count Anderson's pin after hitting his own Angle slam.

Anderson gets a chair, then Angle's medal, but Angle blocks the attempt, and then slices Anderson's head open with the medal. He repeatedly punches Anderson in the head, wakes the ref, then hits the Ankle lock, grapevines it and gets the win.

Good match this, as ever with Angle, and it made great storytelling sense. Everyone comes out of this a winner, and there's a potential to end the feud or continue it, which is what you want in a PPV match, so I give it 8.8 out of 10

Abyss vs AJ Styles (TNA Championship)


Abyss attacks AJ before the end of JB's unecessary introductions. Good. Abyss dominates the early procedings, using power moves to subdue AJ, except for a brief pause when AJ uses a few knife edge chops.

He takes AJ out of the ring, and keeps hitting him with moves in front of the wheelchair ridin Ric Flair. Styles mounts a comeback, but he is launched into the ring. However, he remains on top, and hits Abyss out of the ring, before hitting a suicide dive.

Flair's going apeshit out of the ring, when AJ gets a chair for absolutely no reason. He starts choking Abyss on the rope, and the match loses a lot of its momentum. But AJ does hit a few big moves whilst Flair is wooing outside the ring.

As I'm watching the match, I'm getting that Styles is a good wrestler, but the repeated return to chops is crap. Abyss is a power wrestler, but the comparison with Hogan ends there. He doesn't have the raw charisma to pull it off. The match is by no means bad, I just think that neither man is working to their strengths.

Styles gets catapulted into the chair he put in the corner, but nothing happens for some reason. He's fine again in a bit, and starts hitting flashy AJ Styles moves after Abyss had been hitting classic Abyss moves. The match is starting to get good, with a 2 count after a Black Hole slam, then the shittness begins.

Flair sprays CS gas in the referee's eyes, and Styles hits Abyss with the belt. Hogan comes out with Earl Hebner. He rolls Flair out of the arena, then AJ hits a 450 splash, but only gets a two count. Abyss Abysses up, hits the shittest big boot ever, then chokeslams Styles through the ring. Knock out right? Well Hogan crowns Abyss the champion, but Flair returns, Abyss falls in the hole, and then gets out, then Flair gets CS gassed, then Desmond Wolfe shows up, gets hit a few times by Hogan and Abyss then falls in the hole. Flair falls in too for good measure, and the match is over. No contest.

The match had glimmers of quality, but was undermined by trying to fit the square pegs of Styles and Abyss into the round holes of Hogan and Flair. That isn't too bad, because the match was alright, but the ending was a complete farce, and was not a PPV finish in the slightest. As a result, I can't give this any more than 6.2 out of 10

Production and Extras

We start with the age old TNA thing of having everyone on the roster doing the same promo. I don't mind this sort of thin, but they need to do something a little bit different. Then we go to the Impact Zone. I appreciate the costing issues and the need to have it there, but they need to figure out a way to make it look different than it does on Impact, because it looks completely shit at present. That being said, the general presentation is much better, with pyro and video screens.

Taz and Tenay are on commentary and they are like wrestling wallpaper, you just don't notice them, aside from Taz's occasional sleazeball comments. This is good in that they don't detract from anything, but on the flipside they don't really add anything. However, only the true greats are capable of that, and these two have found their level and their relationship quite well. That being said, they're total lack of reaction to Nash's turn just made the whole thing seem even more processional.

After the first match, Ric Flair comes out and cuts a promo. He's in a wheelchair, which he blames on The Abyss, which would suggest that Flair isn't spending much of his time watching the product he is on. His promo is swearing revenge, but most of it consists of telling the fans to stop wooing him, before he starts wooing. We then get a backstage segment with Hogan and Abyss. Abyss and Hogan actually work well together, but Hogan is a terrible actor, and none of these promos are laced with the charisma we all know he has in abundance. Bischoff shows up next, and it's more of the same. The chemistry is there, the charisma isn't.

Before the Knockout title match we get the usual TNA shitfest Tale of the tape thing. It looks dated, cheap and contains insightful gems such as "Target=Tara's Title". After that match we get an interview with Magnus, who has changed his name from Brutus Magnus. Not much else is said, but it isn't a bad interview.

We then get a video package for the Ultimate X match, before an interview with the Machine Guns. And then we have Taz and Tenay chatting about the X for a while. This was obviously while they were building the set up, but in all honesty, they should have opened with this if this was the level of delay expected.

We then get a video package for the match between Hall and Syxx-Pac and Nash and Young. The package is quite good at hyping what happened last week, but it could have done with some old footage. I know that can't happen, so I won't criticise too much, but they could have at least shown Hall turning on Nash in TNA like five weeks ago. We then get an interview with Hall and Waltman. Hall's looking a lot better, the interview was good, Syxx-Pac with the line of the night in "Nash and Young or Crosby and Stills" and their brief promo in ring is actually pretty good also. After their match, they do a spraypaint around Young's body, which is quite a striking visual image.

Before the X-Division match, we get Angle setting Mr. Anderson's picture on fire. Simple, but I don't think I've seen it before. We then get another tale of the tape thing, which is shockingly poor. After the match, we get Doug Williams cutting a promo, saying that he hates the division, and then he puts makeup on Moore. Very good, gives him direction, and builds him up well.

Before the tag match, we get a thorough video package, before then the jist of it being repeated by yet another pointless "taglines" segment. Before the Anderson and Angle match, we get a good video package building it up, which gets the whole story in well.

If the match between Anderson and Angle could have had a dual purpose, Anderson's solid promo after the match would suggest that it would certainly continue. Not a problem, it's been entertaining, and they bounce well of each other. We then get a video package which simultaneously beefs up Abyss and the feud itself. We then get an interview with AJ which is gold. He isn't trying to be Ric Flair, he's trying to be AJ Styles, and he gives a really full heel performance. We then get one with Abyss, which is a nice balance between a Hulk Hogan impression and him being himself.

Why does Jeremy Borash do the main event ring introductions? He's shit.

Weird. On the one hand, they're still making the wrong moves with things like tales of the tape, but on the other they're going forward with video packages, although they haven't quite figured out what to put on them yet. They could and should have cut at least one match, but they're getting better with the shoehorning of talent. The promos were by and large excellent, so it was a real mixed bag that I'll give 6.1 out of 10

Overview

A really solid show that could have been better had it not been for the dogshit end to the main event. Hardy, RVD and Sting were notable in their absences, but it was better to leave them off than to force them in without a proper programme. A real step in the right direction, and the best show anywhere this year at time of airing.

I give this show 74 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

I've been snowed under recently, expect a barrage of these in the coming few weeks.

TNA Lockdown 2010

Rob Van Dam vs James Storm

The match has barely started when the blood starts to flow. Cage matches really don't suit RVD, his moves all take an age to set up and when we're looking at something so brawl friendly.

He gets in a lot of his signatures throughout the match, and he does eventually win with the frog splash, but these two absolutely don't gel stylistically, and I think RVD has slowed down so much since his WWE days that his moves make the match very choppy. Not a very good opener, though the blood did ham up the brutality of the match.


I give this match 5.9 out of 10

Homiciden vs Brian Kendrick vs Chris Sabin vs Alex Shelley(xscape match)

This match is changed from a tag match without any explanation, which is unsuprising if unprofessional.

What follows is the usual MCMG jumping about, before Homicide and Kendrick sap all the life out of the match. Homicide puts one guy in a camel clutch and then Kendrick does about 50 shuttle rins off the ropes before hitting a slap. Totally shite.

Fortunately, it picks up again as the MCMG take control again. They hit a few big moves, but then Kendrick goes apeshit on Shelly, Homicide hits a gringo killer on Sabin, then Homicide climbs out while Kendrick looks on.

The X division is supposed to be exciting spotfests. Here, we see a few spotty moves and then some totally arse holds and slaps. It was alright at points, but not very good on the whole.

I give this match 5.5 out of 10

Eric Young vs Kevin Nash

The match stars out with Young taking it to Nash and seemingly doing very well, until he's hit with a low blow. Young shows that he has fight left in him by inviting Young to bring the fight to him. Young manages to fight back a few times, but ultimately he is completely powerless to do anything, as Nash hits a big move every time he gets any momentum going.

Eventually, Nash rams Young's head into the cage, then hits the powerbomb for the win.

I liked this match more than I should have done, actually. Nothing happened, but the way they did it made Young look like he wasn't getting squashed, even though he was and made look Nash like he was doing something, even though he wasn't. A clever misdirection, but it would be criminal to give this more than 6.3 out of 10

Beautiful People vs Tara & Angelina Love (TNA Knockouts and TNA Knockout Tag Championships)

Ahh, the old WCW tag match for a singles title classic. These matches are fucking ******ed from any sort of kayfabe point of view, for reasons that shouldn't need too much elaboration. I think Angelina Love must be keeping her new visa papers in her bra, because something is making her tits look bigger.

Anyway, the match gets started with Love an Tara nailing the beautiful people. In the first minute of this match, I think we've seen more actual moves than in the first three matches put together. The momentum shifts, and Velvet Sky is in the ring, so the moves stop, although she does give some reasonable offense.

Madison Rayne tags in and is really starting to display something decent. She tags in Sky who narrowly avoids a moonsault from Tara before a pair of hot tags, but then Tara gives the widows peak to Madison Rayne, Sky breaks up the pin then Lacey Von Erich strolls into the locked cage, hits Tara with the belt, then Madison pins her for the win. The second Knockouts title change in a row were the champion didn't lose.

This match was actually pretty decent, ending aside, and credit must go to Angelina and Tara for getting their story across without making the tension obvious. I give it 7.2 out of 10

Homicide vs Shannon Moore vs Kazarian (X Division Title)

This is a lot more like it. Homicide does slow it down at time, but Moore and Kazarian spend much of the time they are on top doing the fun stuff. We get the first traditional X-Division OTT spot when Homicide hits a double cutter on both of them.

The innovation continues as Kazarian hits a clever double pin, but as ever, nobody sells anything, which is to be expected I suppose. The usual X-ivision problem of everyone setting everything up, I only noticed that shortly after Kaz and Moore where on top of the rope and Homicide was getting ready to attack.

Exentuvally, Kazarian gets the win with some sort of reverse piledriver. It brought an end to a solid X-Division match, which was decent and a lot more fluid than they usually are, so I'll give it 8.1 out of 10

Team 3D vs Scott Hall and Kevin Nash (Street fight)

The crowd burst into life thanks to Ray's promo, and the initial fight. Hall takes a back body drop on to the entrance ramp in the initial out of ring brawl. The Band then get Devon in the ring and start beating him down while one is holding the door shut, keeping Ray out. Quite simplistically clever, but then Dudley hits Nash with a chair forcing him to let go.

He's in the cage now, and Team 3D take control, hitting a wassup on Hall. Then they get the table and give Hall a 3D through it. Hall is clearly making the effort. He was the principle focus on his team throughout, took most of the moves, and is looking a hell of a lot better since his return.

The match wasn't a technical classic, but it served its purpose well, and the crowd certainly enjoyed it. They worked to the limitations of the people in the match well, and Hall's improvement continues. It can't be easy for a man with Nash's knees to wrestle twice in a night either, so well done to him. I give this 6.5 out of 10

Mr. Anderson vs Kurt Angle

Anderson has the key to the cage, which is an obvious advantage going into this match. He starts off brutal, hitting Angle with the key and then throwing him into the cage, opening Angle up. Of course, there's been blood in every match bar two so far, so what should be a big deal is pretty sanitised.

However, Anderson continues the beat down, and makes it look properly vicious. Every time Anderson attempts to open the door, Angle is on him, which adds to the suspense every single time. The key is in the lock, and Angle attempts to escape, but Anderson stops him overly viciously.

Anderson goes to the top rope, but he is thrown off by Angle, and after this we cease to have repeated runs to the door, but instead a trade off of styles. As Anderson tries to be increasingly aggressive, using brawling and dirty tactics, Angle counters with wrestling moves.

Anderson is being annhilated by suplexes when he hits a mic check from nowhere, but he is stopped from escaping when Angle hits an Angle slam. What happens next adds a hell of a lot of kudos to the match. It makes perfect sense that Angle would want to continue the beatdown, as in storyline terms, he'd want to be teaching Anderson a lesson.

He starts to hit punishing moves on Anderson, such as a suplex off the top rope, but that pales into insignificance when he hits a moonsault off the top of the cage. Truly incredible. Angle opens the door, but Anderson gives him the finger, then a mic check when Angle goes to hit him. Anderson crawls towards the door, but Angle hits the Anckle lock and holds him in it as Anderson continues to tap.

Anderson rolls Angle into the cage, but then in a fitting end to their feud to the point, he is choked out by Angle with the medal that started it all, standing on Anderson's cock as he leaves the ring.

Cage matches are generally quite shit. This one was anything but. The moonsault off the top of the cage was incredible. The way that the actual feud influenced the match was pretty much textbook storytelling, and the way that the two styles meshed was sublime. This was a really, really good match, and potentially the best match this year. I give it 9.7 out of 10

D'Angelo Dinero vs AJ Styles

So, after the Flair distraction, we get going with the two being initially quite stand offish, then we get Dinero take over control as the crowd get into the match. Taz says that the match has a big match feeling, and there's definitely some truth to that. It's very one upmanship, with AJ taking some time to regroup every time Pope hits a flurry of moves.

Nonetheless, Pope is definitely in control throughout the early stages until he is thrown into the cage. AJ takes over then, and again, there is something decidedly old school about the match. Deniro gets back on top and hits a few big moves on AJ, and then it goes quite back and forth for a while.

Again, the whole match is very methodical, yet at the same time, very fluid with it not so much being spotty, as slowly paced with quick moves. It's quite hard to explain it, but where as a lot of matches with high flyers descend into a stop start affair, this has the same sort of moves but with a steady flow of selling and reaction from the participants.

AJ eventually seizes control, hitting a 450, but he misses a cross body block off the top of the cage. However, after a brief reprise from Dinero is quashed when Styles stabs him in the eye with a pen he got off the camera and then hits a Styles Clash for a win.

I promise you, the next sentence is the most pretentious you'll ever see on a wrestling forum. This match was an excellent juxtaposition of a pre Monday night Wars style of match pacing and the modern high octane and high risk moves, it was ultimately very good and free flowing, and therefore I score it 9.1 out of 10

Team Hogan vs Team Flair (Lethal Lockdown)

The Lethal Lockdown premise is quite bizarre. People cannot be pinnned until everyone is there, so it makes you wonder why people don't try and keep themselves out of the way initially so they can have a decent go at it later. Very odd.

Anyway, we begin with Abyss and Roode, and they have a bit of a brawl off, with Roode on top before Rob Van Dam storolls down to the ring, despite the fact his teammate is getting spanked. He gets in a few of his signatures and stuff in before Desmond Wolfe shows up. Wolfe and Roode get going early on
and they are on top when Jarrett comes out, who despite some early offense doesn't do much and the two heels restore dominance which is maintained when they are joined by James Storm.

Hardy's music hits but he's been levelled backstage by Sting. The heels continue to dominate in the ring, and this is actually quite good at making it seem like an overcoming of the odds for the faces, despite the fact they had the advantage, or should have done at least.

Sting arrives, levells the faces with the bat, and then the roof comes down. The novelty weapons attacks begin which gets the advantage over without being a poring beatdown. Jarrett manages to get a few bin hits in, but he totally ignores Sting who's just standing there and who then hits him with the bat. The heels are thoroughly in charge, but then Jarrett is forced through the door. Beer Money follow him out, while Abyss gets a load of tacks out, but he gets a beer bottle smashed on his head.

Abyss and RVD are laid flat when Jeff Hardy comes running out to the ring and flattens Beer Money with a kendo stick, allowing the faces to get back into it. Jarrett and RVD team up a kabong with a frog splash to lay out Wolfe, then Abyss puts Sting onto the tacks, finally. Hardy goes to the top of the cage, chased by Beer Money, but he is eventually overwhelmed.

Beer Money open a table, and put it on the handy table sized solid area on top of the cage. Hardy fights back though, he hits Roode with a twis of fate, puts Storm on the table and then jumps off a ladder through the table. After this, Flair shows up, which is the first time either Flair or Hogan have showed up in Team Flair vs Team Hogan. He goes after The Abyss, who is inexplicably down in the corner, before Hogan makes his inevitable entrance. He picks up Sting's bat, makes Flaircower, but then Bischoff, who's absence has been hammed up all evening comes out, and mediates the argument, which isn't really worthy of the TV time it's been given.

He takes the bat off Hogan, but then gives himsome brass knuckles after a brief tease, and Flair starts bleeding. Shocker. The senior citizen sideshow continues, and Flair goes down onto the tacks. Abyss, previously down for no reason, gets up and hits Wolfe for the win. A very solid match this, that was developing quite nicely, until it became the Flair and Hogan show. It would have been fine, if they left for a minute or so before Abyss won, but what actually happened made the actual ending of the actual match actually look like it was the sideshow. Nevertheless, it was pretty entertaining until oldamania started running wild, so I'm going to give this match a solid 7.9 out of 10

Production and extras

We start with an absolutely attrocious video package that features the steel cage talking with various wrestlers joining in. We're introduced to th commentators, who are pure wallpaper. Nothing too good or bad about them. They tell us that various people aren't here. If Waltman didn't have clearance to wrestle in Missouri, why did they book him to? Poor management.

Before the storm vs RVD match, there's a lengthy beatdown outside the cage by RVD on Storm. He then gets creamed for much of the match. Why a face guy would sneak attack a heel is certainly beyond me. When Storm comes in, we see a decent set for the arena, oustshining the Impact Zone. However, his entrance also shows how amateur their titantron videos are.

After the first match, we get an interview with Hogan. We get two things from this: 1) a traditional Hogan 80s promo isn't very good if you strip away the shouting and shaking 2) Hogan says he'll leave TNA if his team lose, thus taking any suspense out of the outcome.

Before the Nash and Young match we get a reasonable video package. It's good at showing the recent feud, but TNA would do well to show that these two go back much further than March. After their match, Nash delivers a promo, which isn't bad considering he just wrestled, and then we have a package about the knockouts match. That's fairly good, the tale of the tape afterwards looks entirely unprofessional. After the match, Tara hits Angelina, which sets up a new feud that isn't too gratuitous in it's set up.

We then get an interview with Team Flair. Flair, unlike Hogan, has still got the intensity in his promo, and does well here. AJ follows up, but nobody else gets any mic time. It would have been nice to hear from at least Sting.

After the X Division match, we see an interview with D'Angelo Dinero. I have to be honest, I think that his style is already wearing thin and I'm not entirely sure he can maintain as strong a presence much longer. Then we get an in ring promo from 3D. It is truly staggering how popular these two are, but I'm honestly beginning to think that Buh Buh Ray Dudley is second only to John Cena at getting the crowd riled up in wrestling today. Honestly.

Before the Angle and Anderson match there is a reel of video segments that I've seen before, which was a bit lazy, even if it did give an authentic build to the tournament. Anderson got hardl any promo time before the match, and Angle got none, which was disappointing. He got a brief promo after the match, which was announing his time away. Decent enough, but hardly earth shattering.

Before the TNA title match we get the same sort of talking heads reality style promo that they used for Ange and Anderson. It was fine, but it didn't really work in a feud that doesn't really have anything personal in it. Also, AJ Styles says "It's about bending the rules, without getting caught" that would make sense if he was supposed to be doing a heel promo, but he wasn't, he was supposed to be being down to earth. Ultimately quite a let down. Hebner and Flair have a shoving match before the match which is a bit pointless, but Flair ultimately gets sent away.

Borash is doing the main event ring introductions and he is completely shit, again. After the match, he's backstage. Bischoff has arrived and doesn't say anything.

The steps forward taken by TNA in the first three months of the year in terms of production values stopped here. Despite leaving the Impact Zone, much of the other stuff had a decidedly amateur feeling to it. The few promos there were left a little to be desired, but they've definitely done well to cut down the Hogan crap backstage. The commentators, unlike in the WWE, actually sound like they want to be there, which does help.

The steps forward - leaving the Impact Zone, better set design, moving the audience back from the ring - are all immensely important and have really done a good job there, but the little things just make me think that they don't have the right idea yet. The video packages tonight were either non existant, repeats of Impact stuff or really lazy. I can't then give them any more than 5.9 out of 10

Overview

Very typical of TNA shows this year. A production with good matches at the top of the card, but hugely let down by the fact that it had terrible production values, and it trie to squeeze everyone onto the card. The Xscape match was uneccessary and the Young and Nash match could have been put together with The Band vs Team 3D to just make one match. That gives a 7 match card, which would have been far more managable.

The last three matches, particularly the singles matches really allowed this to pick up and what started out quite flatly became one of the better shows we have seen thus far this year. It wasn't as consistent as Destination X, but it's good points were better.

I give this event 74 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

I'm intending on doing these more often, as I'm getting behind with modern PPVs and I still have half of my wrestling DVD shelf to get through.

WWE Extreme Rules 2010

ShowMiz vs R-Truth & John Morrison, MVP & Mark Henry & The Hart Dynasty (Gauntlet match)

The first match is a short and pedestrian affair, with the usual mix of hot tags and the like. It ends when John Morrison is DQed for holding onto to a triangle hold on Show for too long, which saved a bit of face for him, and also made Show counted out of the second match.

The second match was basically The Miz getting a beatdown from Henry and MVP, culminating in MVP hitting his finisher, only for Show to hit a punch in desperation and then the Miz got a pin in.

However, the third team come out and win pretty quickly, beating the downed champions for a title shot. This match was hardly anything to write home about, but the booking of it made everyone come out looking reasonably strong, which should be commended, so I give this match 6.8 out of 10

CM Punk vs Rey Mysterio (Hair match)

The best thing about this match was that it was much slower than their enounter at Mania. That doesn't mean it's better necessarily, but it does mean that it was a different match. We don't need to see the same match twice, which is something that some duos have been guilty of in the past.

The fact they had ten extra minutes really shows and they are capable of building a much more flowing, story driven match. That's not to say that it doesn't have any quality high spots, it does, but the transition between them is better than it was at WrestleMania.

One such high spot was Mysterio turning a GTS into a small package pin attempt which was expertly executed. However, the masked guy made his debut here, distracting the referee before attacking Mysterio leading to a Punk win.

On the whole, a very good match, though some parts did look a bit sloppy and I was never on the edge of my seat, really, so I give it 8.6 out of 10

Shad Gaspard vs JTG (Strap match)

Strap matches are almost always shit. They never really make sense - what counts as touching the corners in succession? It can't be touching them all without the other guy touching them. Anyway, these two aren't world renown for their in ring work or general popularity and it really shows in the crowd reaction.

Getting JTG out of the ring did open up a degree of interest, and Shad certainly plays the bully pretty well. But matches that disintegrate into what is basically a beatdown are always quite shite. Anyway, he puts JTG on his back and then starts touching the corners. When it is 3-3, JTG pulls a move on Shad. Why this didn't reset the count is a bit of a mystery.

It's a lazy way to end a lazy break up and though they did as well as they could with what they had, I can't give this any more than 4.5 out of 10

Jack Swagger vs Randy Orton (Extreme Rules match for World Heavyweight Championship)

Swagger went into this match having recently lost to John Morrison, which is a little unfortunate. The formalities before this match, particularly Orton's entrance, take about 5 years, and it does dilute the occasion a little bit. Seriously, I've seen pensioners walk quicker than Orton.

Swagger starts out on top and after a frantic beginning, Swagger gets Orton out to the outside, and then he brings him back into the ring. The match deserves credit for not relenting to the common extreme rules match bullshit of getting a chair out after about 7 seconds, which is totally unecessary, and often wholly out of culture.

Swagger has the run of the match until he eventually goes to get the title to hit Orton with. However, Orton fights back and then despite a brief respite for Swagger when he reversed Orton's DDT, we get Orton totally laying into him with a bin and then putting him into the stairs.

Orton remains in control, until he brings a chair into the ring. He's setting Swagger up for something, but Swagger is able to bomb Orton and get the win.

Orton is much better as a face. I no longer have to watch him being "calculated" and I can instead watch something other than three weeks of headlocks and stamps. This newer style, far more watchable, far more entertaining and this match was decent if not a world beater and I give it 7.5 out of 10

Sheamus vs Triple H (Street fight)

Triple H comes out all guns blazing, but he is unable to lock in the pedigree because of his injuries sustained earlier. I'd be cool with that, and it would make sense, if he hadn't just done a spinebuster, which requires much more strain. I know it isn't real, but a bit of consistancy with the fake injuries would be nice and appropriate.

Anyway, we then go through a beatdown on Triple H for a long old while. This gets some praise for two reasons. Firstly, they hold back on the weapons rather than subjecting us to 15 minutes of chair swinging antics, and secondly they split the action between the ring and the outside, which keeps it a bit interesting.

Sheamus resorts to the baton again after another brief reprise from Triple H, and then he gets into the weaponry. Triple H gets a final wind when he avoids a kendo stick attack, which he then turns onto Sheamus before being back body dropped onto the ramp.

Sheamus boots him in the face quite a lot of times and then eventually manages to get the pin. Another match that wasn't a classic, but it was more than servicable, and it gets 7.6 out of 10

Beth Pheonix vs Michelle McCool (Extreme Makeover match for Women's title)

Christ. We start out with a bit of a brawl, then we get some broom antics, then Michelle sprays Beth with hairspray, before hitting her with an ironing board a few times and then putting her in a hold.

This is precisely the sort of ill advised and ultimately very boring weapons shennanigans, as they keep going back to the ironing board. McCool somehow manages to get hairspray in the eyes of both Layla and Vicki despite the fact they were either side of an unaffected Beth Phoenix.

Beth then hits her with things such as a bucket, before hitting her with a glam slam, having just been on the receiving end of the only good spot in the match when she was thrown onto the infamous ironing board.

Truly an awful match, but not quite soul destroying, so I'll give it a generous 2.2 out of 10

Edge vs Chris Jericho (Cage match)

The match starts before it's even started as there's a fracas outside the cage. Eventually, they're in and Jericho, after a brief cheeky attempt to climb out straight away, Jericho takes control and focusses on Edge's leg.

Jericho is stopped a couple of times, but certainly has the run in the earlier minutes. There's a good spot where after missing a lionsault he tries to climb out of the ring on the other side.

Then, they go back at it again, with Jericho hitting the walls for a long while. Eventually, he gets the door open, but rather than escaping, he gets a chair and reenters the fight. He misses with the chair and Edge spears him, but only for a two count. Jericho then gets a two count as he hits a codebreaker, and the match continues with the two of them slowly getting up.

The next hour or so is Jericho hanging outside the cage and Edge is trying to get him back in. He does that, by wrenching Jericho's arm in the rim. Jericho hits a good looking codebreaker from the top rope, but then they go back to unbearable slowness, until suddenly Edge has some spinach an turns into Popeye running around the ring. Jericho again does the leaving routine, but Edge pulls him back and then slamps his leg in the door.

He then works on Jericho's ankle doing the kind of repetitive and "psychological" shit that everyone bums in heels, but which is inherently incredibly boring. He puts Jericho out of his misery with a spear, but ultimately this wasn't a very good match.

They didn't do anything new or better than the Mania match, and all they used the cage for was an overlong escape routine. This match was by no means terrible, it just didn't do anything that turned my head and grabbed my attention. It just existed without really generating any emotion in me, which, as a big fan of both men, I find a bit of a downer. Edge's style was still too heelish to quite make this click, and the fact they turned him the next night is unsuprising. He just hadn't made the required stylistic leap to being a face, and as a result he seemed unrelatable. I think this is worth no more than 6.1 out of 10

Batista vs John Cena (Last Man Standing for WWE Championship)

This match started off with a lot of variation in the kinds of attack that we saw with stuff like submission holds, big power moves and then later, weapons attacks.

The good thing about the weapons that they were actually things that might be under the ring, like turnbuckle keys, and not things like handy kendo sticks.

Batista takes control for the most part, putting Cena through a table and then through the barrier. He then sets up a spot for putting Cena through the announcers table, but it ends up being reversed. Then later he returns the favour, regaining control when he puts Cena through a table of his own, and then Batista bombs him. However it isn't enough and Cena gets up and puts him in the STF.

He then crotches him and tapes his legs together for the ten count. It was a clever ending to a last man standing match that gave a lot. It was the second time in a year that the WWE have put on a great last man standing match in April, and again it featured Cena in a novel ending. This is the sort of interesting take on an established match that was lacking in the cage match. It wasn't as good as Cena vs Edge, or their match at Mania, but still very good and I give it 9.1 out of 10

Production and extras

The event started with yet another brutal relay baton attack which set up the Triple H and Sheamus match up quite nicely. What was a bit odd was that this was obviously "meant" to be on first, but then it got moved to later in the card for absolutely no reason. Our commentators are the regular team of Cole, Lawler and Striker. Lawler has, in the past, just been quite quiet. Here we have Lawler and Striker talking over to each other a lot, which isn't too intrusive, but it does make it clear that they aren't comfortable with each other still. The set design is typical to WWE in that it mimics some aspect of the event, here we have an X shaped Titantron, which works well.

This is followed with a promo from ShowMiz, which is pretty good and sets up their match, after Teddy Long's interruption, and also the tension within that particular team. The Miz has excellent timing in his delivery of promos. After their match we see Todd Grisham having a chat with Sheamus whilst waiting for news on Triple H. Very generic heel promo from Shamus, but it got the job done.

Despite the personal nature of the second match, we don't get any sort of big highlights package, and we only get a brief showing of past Smackdowns before the Cryme Tyme chat. Before the Swagger match, we finally get an actual video package, and it makes Swagger look much better than he should.

Sheamus comes out next, and gives a promo and we see Triple H storming towards the ring, but again no real build up to the match here. After the match, we get the same old tired routine of someone being put onto a stretcher, getting up and then being beaten down again. This is followed by a shit Edge promo where he comes up with nothing above generic.

Through the show there is a few adverts for the Mania DVD, Over the Limit and the Draft which were ok, but unimaginative. After the abortion that was the women's match we get a better promo from Jericho, but it's still not o top form, and the hypocrites character is getting boring, as is the totally drab spear chants. Again, there's not a proper video package to highlight this match, just a brief video showing Jericho trying to break Edge's leg.

Before the final match we have what is only our second video package of the night and we don't have any interviews or anything with the beligerents. The whole production of this show seemed too cramped full of stuff. They had to give Batista vs Cena and Jericho vs Edge a long berth, but by devoting a total of well over half an hour to what was essentially a glorified beat down really cost the show elsewhere.

The usual slick production of the WWE was replaced with a much more clustered use of the time, and we didn't get any of the usual side showcases such as proper backstage interviews and the like. It just felt, almost amateur, and the commentary team haven't grown at all. What few promos there were were quite bog standard. This was, in terms of the shows around it, probably the worst structured WWE event I've ever seen, but that makes it the worst of a very good bunch and I give the production 5.1 out of 10

Overview

Put simply, nothing very special here. The women's match was terrible, and I didn't enjoy the cage match as much as I'd have liked. Ultimately a deciedly average event which was saved by its solid main event. This was probably the worst WWE event of the year to date, and it reminded me quite a lot of the Royal Rumble in that respect.

I give this event 67 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Girlfriend's away, World Cup is getting shit, expect a few of these this week.

TNA Sacrifice 2010

Motor City Machine Guns vs Beer Money vs Team 3D

It just wouldn't be a TNA PPV if they didn't have a totally pointless match with half the roster in it. Here the three teams that have been in the division for ages have another fight. It starts off with Beer Money and MCMG, which is ok, but it's not the biggest chemistry maker ever, and nothing particularly thrilling comes out of it.

One of the Dudleys tag in and then the match slows down and shits up quite a lot. Then, the remainder of the match basically consists of The Dudleys and Beer Money just standing around waiting for MCMG to o some cool moves on them. It ends up being ok, especially when the moves come off well, and when the Dudleys do some of their signatures, but ultimately, there's just nothing gripping about this match whatsoever.6.3 out of 10

Orlando Jordan vs Rob Terry (Global Championship)

Rob Terry's matches to this point had been decent because they showed his strength off and built him up. This match was fucking terrible. First of all, Terry can't sell, so despite Jordan's best efforts to turn this into a decent wearing down, Terry ultimately isn't good enough to pull it off, though he is getting better. What's worse about this match is that the beatdown afterwards was clearly geared at getting this feud to be continued, despite the fact Terry just totally obliterated Jordan whilst being as far on the back foot as he could be. 2.5 out of 10

Douglas Williams vs Kazarian (X Division Title)

First match with any kind of flow of the evening, this. Doug Williams is pretty much the best thing the X Division could have ever asked for. Capable of being entertaining in his own right, he is also good enough to work with the typical wrestlers in the division, while at the same time adding something different. This one wasn't exactly a million miles an hour, but it was decent.

I don't know.It had the right level of Williams being on top then Kaz coming from absolutely nowhere to hit a cool move. Kaz is probably unique amongst the long term members of this division in that he actually changes the tempo of his performance based on what is happening.

The best portion of this match is probably when Williams is repeatedly frustrated before hitting his finisher. All in all, a very decent match, that could have been a tad faster, but ultimately saved the first hour of this show. 8.4 out of 10

Tara vs Madison Rayne (Career vs Title for TNA Knockouts title)

Tara, to give her due credit, was probably the only female wrestler in employment at the time of this match who could put on a decent match on a regular basis. In some ways, I think she is the forgotten one of the early 2000s hey day of female wrestling because she stayed on and because she isn't as attractive as many of her contemporaries.

In this match, she did well to bring the best out of Madison, and she did that pretty much throughout. She did well to keep the offence going throughout the match, and the match ended fairly abruptly. Good to see that it wasn't the standard bullshit BP end to a match, and I think it was quite a nice way for Tara to check out. The fact that one person did basically nothing stopped this one scoring any more than 7.1 out of 10

Ink Inc vs The Band (TNA Tag Title)

This match is an unfortunate exhibition, with hindsight. Since January, Hall had done everything he could to get better, and that was on show here, yet he ended up throwing all his work away, which is a crying shame, it really is. Anyway, the match is fairly pedestrian and there's nothing much to it really.

Eventually Young brings the kendo sticks, it kicks off a bit and then Bubba Ray Dudley turns on Jesse Neill. Fuck me, I must be Nostradamus. Anyway, HAll was getting better, but still wasn't that good, Nash has been shit for ages, and Jesse Neill and Shannon Moore are fairly wet to be honest, so we'll leave this one as a very pedestrian 5.2 out of 10

Desmond Wolfe vs Abyss (Chelsea vs Ring)

Apart from the obvious fact that a match that eems a woman to be property is morally questionable to say the least, this match wasn't all that bad. For starters we have Wolfe most dominating and Abyss doing the one traditional thing he can do fairly well, which is look like he's perennially on the brink of collapse.

Wolfe brings out as much as he can in Abyss, and also gives some decent working down on Wolfe. Much better than that though is the fsact that this is an Abyss PPV match that ended cleanly, albeit with more than a hint of Hulk Hogan in his repetoire. For that refreshing factor alone, I give this 7.4 out of 10

Jeff Hardy vs Mr. Anderson

Anderson came into this match hot off the best match of his career by far,but if we're honest, he was never likely to reach that kind of plateau here. Hardy's matches since he came to TNA have been less paint by numbers than they were in WWE, but that's probably part of the reason that he isn't as popular.

The match actually goes off pretty well, with periods of dominance for both, but the trouble is, is that it has severe TNAitis. By that, I mean, there's no build to huge moves. The crow don't get into it, there's no taunting, so when Hardy hits the twist of fate, nobody gives a shit. Ditto when the Green Bay plunge fails. Hardy goes from that into a swanton and it's over.

Pretty solid this, but there's just nothing end of seat worthy. Anderson holds his hand out after the match, turning face 4 months after turning heel, thanks Vince Russo for that one. Anyway, this match gets a solid 7.9 out of 10

Jeff Jarrett vs Sting

I'm going to write my thoughts about the segment as a whole later. The match itself was one move, too short to analyse, so it gets a straight up the middle 5.0 out of 10

AJ Styles vs Rob Van Dam (TNA World Heavyweight Championship)

We start with Rob Van Dam, the face, showboating and taunting, while AJ Styles, the heel, just wants to wrestle. Anyway, literally nothing happens in the early stages, until Flair appears and has a little show stealing tiff with Earl Hebner.

The actual match continues after this, but you'd never know it, because we're watching Ric Flair chat to Taz. AJ and RVD do eventually put on a decent match, which is probably the best match of the evening. That being said, RVD doesn't look like he's up to this sort of match length yet, and he was never the best at transition was he?

Anyway, this show was going to get a much better score, but the fact of the matteris, is that when I should have been watching the main event, I was watching Ric Flair in three different ringside asides to the match. Fucking ridiculous. Styles did his best, as ever, and RVD was showing signs of his WWE prime returning, but Flair totally ruined this for me.

8.2 out of 10

Production and extras

We begin the event with a more professional style of intro using the dictionary definition of sacrifice then a load of wrestlers saying what they might give up. Not exactly original, but not bad. We then go into the tag match after a brief intro from Tenay and Taz. There's no build for the tag match whatsoever, just know that it's Beer Money, Team 3D and MCMG in a match made for Impact.

Before the Global Title match we get a tale of the tape. It's infront of a dynamic screen still, but whenever I see it, I just think of the rules screen for Brawl for all, which isn't a direction in which a modern company should be going.

During the match, we see quite a lot of the arena. I often come down hard on TNA for using the Impact Zone, but I appreciate that sometimes it isn't feasible to go anywhere else. What is inexcusable is not even attempting to ecorate the arena. There's not even a single Indy style banner that says this is Sacrifice. Totally, totally unprofessional.

Tenay and Taz are basically average. There's nothinfg remotely added to the broadcast by them, but there's probably nothing taken away from it. Before the X-Division match, we get a proper video introduction, after first seeing a segment where Brother Ray gets rage that Ink Inc are patronising him or something. It foreshadows the future in the most obvious way possible, but I do like the TNA through the keyhole fashion.

We get another such voyeur style promo of Desmond Wolfe and Chelsea. Wolfe's alright, but Chelsea may well be the worst actress in the history of wrestling. We then have a decent enough video package for the Knockouts match, but we also get a tale of the tape, which contains the sentence "BP's spill gold, not oil". Not funny, not relevant (they still have the gold) and from a professional point of view, awful. Firstly, nothing in that sentence is possessive, so you shouldn't have the apostrophe. However, the plural of BP would be BP, as it stands for Beautiful People, which is already plural. Not using the grammar check is abysmal.

After that match, we get an interview with the Band where they announce that they are using the freebird rule, but there's no build to the actual match apart from Nash's promo. More missing from this portion of the show was any sort of retrospective of the career or even the match of Tara. Poor.

Things that shouldn't be made light of #1: Rape. Rape angles don't work, it's too serious to trivialise. It was a shit idea in 1999 or whenever it was Goldberg was a ccused and it's a shit idea now. They rerun it before the Wolfe vs Abyss match and it just looks silly.

Remember when Mr. Kennedy was good? Note to TNA: don't take the man who is by far your most charismatic ring talker under 50 years old and turn him into somebody who says the word ******** a lot. This is honestly as bad as when Austin turned into the "What?" guy. Anyway, this is all the build we're getting for his match with Hardy so we beter tolerate it.

After Hardy vs Anderson we get AJ Styles cutting a promo. "Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Ric Flair" he says before it. Flair actually begins it, calmer than usual, and then AJ takes over, and he's trying at least to say his own words, even if his mannerisms HIS MANNERISMS are the same as Flair. Could've said Woo though, and didn't so plus points.

Next, literally the major redeeming feature of tonight's production was the video package for Jarrett vs Sting, but more so, the actual beat down. Sting comes out and beats on Jarrett. If there's one area that TNA have dominance over WWE, it's their beatdowns. Here, Sting beat Jarrett all the way down to the ring, then hit his finisher for the win. In the WWE, this segment would have gone on 4 minutes longer and would have lost all its steam. It keeps people interested, but still looks sadistic in the TNA way. He cuts a promo after it too, sometimes words speak louder than actions, and Sting's words alongside Jarrett's screams of pain - something oddly absent in most similar scenes in wrestling - make this one of the best beat downs ever. Seriously, in WWE Sting, after throwing Jarrett off the stretcher, would then have spent about a month hurting him while he oesn't move. Hogan comes out to protect Jarrett, and Sting strolls off. Naturally, it is only when Hogan comes out that we get a replay.

The best female wrestler of the last 5 years retiring is incedental, Hulk Hogan walking behind a load of paramedics is key to the proceedings. Before the main event, we have a piss poor interview with RVD, before a not to shabby video package. TNA STOP DOING THE FUCKING TALE OF THE TAPE, IT LOOKS ABOUT 15 YEARS OUT OF DATE. Jeremy Borash is to ring announcing what I am to wet t-shirt competitions.

During the main event, Ric Flair joins the commentary. We learn what it would be like if wrestling was produced by the physical embodiment of the embarrasment usually reserved for events such as catching your sister shagging your dad.

After the main event, we get highlights, good.

Sweet Jesus, after several months of steady improvement, TNA has completely fucke up here. There is nothing about this event whatsoever that makes me feel I'm getting my money's worth as a PPV. It's literally a three hour impact, without adverts, and without Eric Bischoff. JArrett vs Sting provided a little saving grace, but even acknowledging that, this may be the worst production of a major wrestling show this century, arguably.

1.3 out of 10

Overview

There were some decent matches on here, and yet again AJ Styles rose above everyone else and saved the event, to an extent. However, the vast majority of this event looked like it was amateur hour, and the ridiculousness of having a main event broken up by Ric Flair vs Black Ric Flair was unbelievably ******ed. In ring there was nothing particularly poor, but the overall feel mae this the worst show of 2010 to date.

I give this event 61 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

WWE Over the Limit 2010

Kofi Kingston vs Drew McIntyre (Intercontinental Championship)

Forgive me for the brevity of this, but I was eating my tea. Anyway, this was a decent enough match, but it was by no means a tear the house down classic. I suppose it was a bit like wrestling chess. Chessling if you will. It was black man does a move, white man does a move, you know? Nothing to write home about, but some nice spots. 6.9 out of 10

R-Truth vs Ted DiBiase

Again, a match with no real chemistry. This one was less like Pokemon move for move style fighting move by move, but it was still very processional. The presence of Virgil is a decent touch, but what's the fucking point if you aren't going to have him do anything? I don't know either.

Anyway, there was nothing in this that I've never seen before, and it was very television. Not terrible, just not very good either. 6.2 out of 10

CM Punk vs Rey Mysterio (Hair vs SES Membership)

The match started out fairly routinely, which for these two is good. The first big stoppage coming when Punk threw Mysterio into the barber's chair. Big stoppage being an understatement. I know they don't want blood on TV, and I know that they want to sell moves but the wait there killed the momentum they had built earlier on.

That being said, when they get going again and after a few holds and periods of Punk dominance, Mysterio turns on the speed. When working with someone who gets him Mysterio is far and away the most entertaining man on the roster, and this match was evident of that. Punk knows how to sell Mysterio and proved it here.

To that end, it reminded me of the Mysterio vs Jericho matches from this time last year, but not quite as good. To be fair, it probably would have been, had it not been for the long wait. Unlike the matches earlier, this one had a lot more chemistry going on, and the GTS, 619 and then miss from the swan dive was a good sequence, but the actual end itself looked forced. What was Punk trying to do? No idea. All in all, a good match with a semi-weak ending and a momentum killing pause. 8.3 out of 10

The Hart Dynasty vs Miz and Jericho (Unified Tag Titles)

What's the difference between TNA and WWE? When WWE cobble together a tag team, they use wrestlers people want to see. Jericho and Miz were forgettable together, to be honest, and lacked the contrast that Jerishow and Showmiz had. Basically just two heels teaming up, and very little memorable.

That being said the match doesn't start too badly, with the heels on top. Again though, nothing particualrly gripping about the encounter early on. To be fair, the great tag feuds tend to take about a year to get good because you need the chemistry of 6 relationships to be correct, so a one off match like this, with a team that where a one time thing, was never going to be Savage vs Steamboat.

Once we do get going, we find that Kidd and Jericho have reasonable chemistry with each other, and Jericho's fallng codebreaker is starting to look a lot more realistic. Having Kidd kick out from that is good for the boy, it really is. Then DH Smith comes in, and hits a few power moves. The way that Natalya pulled Jericho's leg did look good to be fair, well timed.

Miz got back in and started to up his game, and he and Smith did a few well flowing parts. The finish wasn't the greatest, but it was nice to see a tag match not progress in exactly the same way as every tag match since 1945. As tag matches go, not bad at all. 7.3 out of 10

Edge vs Randy Orton

They start off by circling each other. Then they lock up, and you won't believe this, but there's a Randy Orton headlock within 20 seconds of them locking up. Then what happens will undoubtedly be hailed elsewhere as psychology, but what here I will call slow wrestling.

Orton slowly goes after Edge, Edge slowly goes after Orton. Edge puts Orton in a lock with his legs for about 2 and a half minutes. That's about 20% of the match on the mat. If that happened in UFC, you'd turn it off. They then walk over to the turnbuckle, and after some teething problems we eventually get a superplex, which might be the first move of the match.

They then continue the slowness, but at least Edge briefly ran towards Orton, before the most obvious set up of a move ever when theydance around the middle rope before Orton does his DDT move. Edge then goes to the corner, tries to spear. Fails. Orton goes to pump up for the RKO but hurts himself.

They go outside the ring, and Orton is injured. The ending to the match was poor, but Edge absolutely has to be given credit here for telling the ref, then Orton, what to do to give it as creditable end as possible. Well done Edge.

The match was pisspoor, and to be honest, I can't think of a main eventer in history who has put matches consistently as bad as Orton has. That being said the ending actually endeared this to me a little. Not enough though. 4.2 out of 10

Big Show vs Jack Swagger (World Heavyweight Championship)

Big Show comes to the ring. There's a bit of mind games at first, with Swagger escaping from the ring a couple of times, but basically Swagger was getting raped here, until he started flying at Swagger, who then does a couple of Vader bombs before getting thrown out of the ring.

This was a good start, then Show powers out of a Swagger headlock and then starts charging about. When this happened, I was thinking, this has the making of a good match, but then Swagger gets the title and ***** Big Show with it. For a WHC match, that had a refreshingly quick begininning, this was disappointing, it really was. 4.8 out of 10

Maryse vs Eve Torres (Diva's Championship)

Ah yes, Eve Torres. Like Maria, but good. Here she faced off against Maryse, and there was very little to be said about it really. They were trying hard, and it wasn't as shit as the Orton match and it actually had an ending. That's about it really. Marks to Eve for improvement, marks off Maryse for never evolving anything about her perfromance. Distinctly average. 5.0 out of 10

Batista vs John Cena (WWE Championship)

I have forgotten about Batista too since he left, but you know what, I had good hopes for this match. Batista and Cena had had two good matches going into this. However, apart from the very beginning of this match, it lacked the energy of previous matches in the early period of the match.

They both get their submission holds in early on, and it was an unusual and interesting touch to have Batista pass out. Well played. It's good to see the Spanish announce table back again, but seriously, the set up of the tables took an age, far longer than when Edge and Jericho did it at WrestleMania.

The pay off though, looked far superior, so they are forgiven. Batista drags Cena up to the audience and tries to force Cena to quit with a threat. That sort of thing is actually a bit weak in my eyes to be honest with you, so I'm glad it didn't end that way. Cena gets out, and sends Batista off a balcony, but it seemed like a long set up for little pay off.

Again, they move on, but it's a very lazy punch and walk 20 yards fest to the stage, where they spend a while setting up the car spot. JBL did this in a promo a few years ago with Cena and it was almost identical, as was the finishing move onto the car, but then Cena quit rather than be FUed, precisely the kind of ending I said I didn't like before. IT's stupid, because you would only say that in a position when you can't escape, but if you can't escape, they'll do it to you anyway, which means quitting is ******ed.

With that in mind, and the 2-3 good spots but also the poor build to moves, I'm going to give this 7.3 out of 10

Prouction and Extras

We begin with an immediate burst of pyro and the like, which is muchos to be expected. They've gone with a car theme in Detroit. This is the company that invented WrestleMania, and now are playing it safer than Bolton at home. We're then introduced to the commentators followed by a brief summary of the McIntyre and Kingston build.

The commentators don't talk over each other any more, but they don't really say very much of substance. Cole has absolutely no sense of occasion. "We've a new Intercontinental Champion" is said in the same tone as "R-Truth with an armbar". Lawler can't be arsed anymore, doesn't add anything to the broadcast, and Striker is believing his own, and the IWC's, hype that he is some sort of second coming of Jesse Ventura. He's gone from being insightful to being Statto. Except Statto was usually accurate.

After the McIntyre match, McIntyre does a decent enough promo, and Matt Hardy comes out, which was nice. We then get Punk doing a promo pretty well, and Luke Gallows solidified the fact that he's never going to be allowed to watch my kids.

Before the DiBiase vs Truth match, we get another recap of events thus far, and it's very simple, but it gives a sense of occasion to what was quite a nothing match. After it, we get a furthering of the Long and McIntyre angle. Quite good, but part of the reason Teddy is a good GM is that he doesn't really have storylines. This is compelling, and McIntyre did well, but it does shorten Long's already shortening shelf life.

Then we move on to Punk vs Mysterio, and we get a properly produced video package. It's done very well, to be honest. After the match SES try and beat down Mysterio, but Kane makes the save. Not really sure why, but it set up the future well. The segment was decent enough, didn't waste too much time though. Twobones of contention. 1) When Mysterio couldn't find a mirror, that wasn't very good. 2) If Punk can bleed during this segment, why not in the match? I'm not one of thse who has a cry wank because we don't get Ric Flairesque bleeding every five minutes, but how about a bit of consistency.

After that we get Jericho and Big Show interacting backstage. Not bad. Show is so much better as a face it's untrue. Jericho is alright, but it's getting a bit old this now. After that "Jer ee cho" promo with MacGruber the other week, I thought Y2J may be on his way back. Alas, no. Before the match, we get another video showing Bret Hart winning the US title just to set up the match. Next time you moan about David Arquette, remember that he's never had a stroke.

Before Edge and Orton we have another typically well produced vidoe segment that made what was a half arsed feud build and made it look good. Not having Orton say anything at all in it was clever. After that match, Orton goes to the back, then we have the build for Show vs Orton. Again, a good package, with Swagger's trophy promo being the highlight. After the match, Swagger tries to assault Big Show, but then Show stops him and choke slams him onto the chair before punching him. Probably could have happened in the match, and probably would have made it better.

We get an interview with Dave Batista, which is alright, and our first match of the evening without any build, the divas. To be honest though, there wasn't much they could have done. Then normality is resumed with a good video package for Cena vs Batista. Afterwards Sheamus comes and attacks Cena without any reason, which is a good continuation of the theme of this PPV which seems to be to make new feuds.

This PPV was the WWE back to it's best in the production department. The commentary isn't quite there, and the set wasn't as ambitious as it could have been, but every segment flowed well, and more to the point, every match was in context, professionally. They also did a decent job of building some future feuds, which is rarely seen on modern PPV. 8.8 out of 10

Overview

I thinkk I've sussed Vince out. Whenever we have a shit WrestleMania, we have good PPVs the rest of the year. When ever we have a good WrestleMania, we have shite like this. The WWE just isn't delivering on PPV this year, and it's upsetting. Fortunately, there were a few half decent performances on this, and it did feel like a good show, but in actuality, it really wasn't.

64 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

I'm aware this is out of order, but I can't be arsed to set up my girlfriend's lap top to watch the TNA PPV, so I'm going to do this one instead.

WWE Fatal Four Way 2010

Drew McIntyre vs Kofi Kingston (Intercontinental Championship)

Kofi is introduced as being from "West Ghana, Africa". It might be technically true, but I fancy we have some excellent WWE geography on show again there. Anyway, it's a fairly standard opening, with Kofi getting a few flair moves in, before McIntyre starts heeling it up. McIntyre is one of the only heels in WWE that's watchable. Actually, that's unfair to Sheamus and CM Punk, but I've spent so long being forced. to. sit. through. Randy. Orton. matches. that anything else is a welcome break.

Anyway, this match is much less like the chess nature that pervaded their previous match, here was a much more consistent affair, with Drew dominating proceedings, but mixing it up sufficiently so that I don't hate him or the match. Just when it's starting to get dull, Kingston suddenly pulls out a very flashy DDT, and he's back in the match.

He starts to build momentum, at a rate that John Cena would do well to learn. Seriously, very remniscient of 80s faces, start with slow punches, then hit the big moves. He hits the boom drop, then starts tuning up the reggae band, as I'm suprised none of the commentators have tried to stay, but he misses. Despite a brief fight back, McIntyre is back on top, but then Kingston hits a Tornado DDT and we're back to a level playing field, until McIntyre powerbombs Kingston.

The ref goes down, McIntyre hits his finisher, nobody is there to count, McIntyre forces Teddy Long into the ring and rips off the ref's shirt, Teddy puts it on, but then refuses to make the three count. McIntyre sees his arse - northern expression for you there - and as Teddy pleads, McIntyre gets into his face, when Matt Hardy turns up, hits a twist of fate, trouble in paradise, Kingston wins. The end was a bit laboured, but it summed up what was quite an interlocked feud between Hardy, Kingston, Long and McIntyre very well.

A good opener, given the kind of time that TNA's midcard can only dream of, and I give this 8.1 out of 10

Alisha Fox vs Maryse vs Gail Kim vs Eve Torres (Divas' Championship)

We just get the standard pile of bollocks all the way throughout the match, though there are a few flurries of alrightness from Kim. To be honest though, the whole thing is very clumsy, and the bit where they are all doing submission moves has all the grace of someone trying to get from one end of a tent to the other in the middle of the night whilst people sleep on the floor.

It's just all very choreographed, and while it isn't as sloppy as we've come to expect from this division, but everyone looked so robotic as a result, Alicia Fox and Gail Kim did well to make their face smash into the ring realistic, but Eve's moonsault, for all its flashiness, looked off. Not absolutely attrocious, but very, very awkward, this one, 5.3 out of 10

Chris Jericho vs Evan Bourne

We start fairly mundanely, all things considered, until Evan Bourne jumps out of the ring. Then Jericho hits a move and gets back into it. He kicks Bourne, which causes him to do a roll, obviously. Evan Bourne now appears to be simultaneously dead and having an epileptic fit.

He starts doing a few moves every now and then, but then Jericho flicks him, and he simultaneously gets shot. Talk about bad luck. You people who say Bourne is a good seller must have absolutely no respect for your own intelligence is all I can say.

Anyway, there's a few good counters in the match, and Jericho is the absolute master at making it take ages to hit the codebreaker then going for the pin. Bourne hits another good counter, and then goes to the top, blocks a superplex attempt, but is hit in the balls and manages to prevent another, before hitting an Air Bourne for the win.

A good last few minutes that were somewhat tarnished by Bourne's ridiculous overselling at the start. It was like watching Michaels vs Hogan, seriously. Probably worse, because at least Michaels was taking the piss. Anyway, in spite of that, a fairly solid match, but it could have been much more. 7.4 out of 10

Big Show vs Rey Mysterio vs CM Punk vs Jack Swagger (World Heavyweight Championship)

The match starts very interestingly. Rather than being the two men lie down while everyone else fights, it's much more of a clusterfuck. However, we do eventually roll into the normal mode, but the transitions, particularly when featuring Punk are very inventive.

This kind of match is never going to flow perfectly, so it has to be about good spots, and this match has them in abundance. Show catching Rey, Swagger's double suplex, all four guys make this a fun match to watch. And then Kane comes out and puts Punk in a coffin, until Festus "fake Kane" Gallows comes and saves the day. Then, seemingly from nowhere, Mysterio wins.

I haven't written much, but that's largely because I wasn't given a chance to. The ending could have had a bit more focus, but all in all, this was good fun, if not exactly the most focussed match in history. I give it 8.4 out of 10

The Miz vs R-Truth (United States Championship)

R-Truth does a lot of running into Miz to get us started. In the ring, out of the ring, but then Miz hits a couple of kicks, and then he takes control. However, it just never really comes alive in this match. We get Miz on top, but it's, well, boring. There's no flow whatsoever, and it kills the audience. The Miz absolutely cannot afford to wrestle like this when he moves up the roster, it's a huge turn off.

Everything just feels as if it is in slow motion. They have snapshots of decent stuff, but its so drawn out, it saps any interest. It's very much like reading a flip book at normal speed, and it's shit. Eventually Miz wins, and walks off. Not very impressive at all, 4.3 out of 10

The Hart Dynasty vs Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso and Tamina

Tamina is not attractive, please stop pretending she is WWE. We start with Natalya and Tamina before Jey and DH Smith get us into the flow of the match and the Harts use some teamwork to get an upper hand. However, it doesn't last too long and Jimmy takes control, throwing Tyson Kidd out of the ring. Tyson Kidd manages to get back into it, but Jimmy Uso hits a samoan drop into the barrier, which was quite good.

Then it just kind of slows down to your usual tag fare. It's not brilliant, but it's not horrendous either. Pure filler, and it gets a pure filler score of 6.2 out of 10

Randy Orton vs Edge vs Sheamus vs John Cena (WWE Championship)

Predictably, this lacks the ferocity of the Smackdown match, and quickly disintegrates into the two men in the ring, two men out of it set up with brief team up periods that you've all seen a million times before.

So it goes, we get very little flow, short lived alliances, but without any of the impact of the Smackdown match. Its just very processional, but midway through the match, we do get something a bit more substansial with some failed finishers, and then a flurry of signatures from Cena, then Orton does.

Eventually, the finishers kick in, but nobody capitalises on it. It feels as if we're waiting for something the whole time, which it turns out we are, as NXT are shown beating everyone up, and then they come out and do it, and then Sheamus wins in the comotion. The match itself was a means to an end. There were brief periods when you felt the star power, but they were few and far between, to be honest. The match never really got started and I give it 6.7 out of 10

Production and Extras

We start with a thing about Cena's odds at keeping the title. Worst ever apparently, despite the fact that a) that's bollocks anyway and b) they have title matches with 6 wrestlers quite often. We then get something where Kane is accusing everyone of stuff. Not very good either, to be perfectly honest. Then after a very brief introduction from Cole, we have Vince McMahon come out and present highlights of Bret Hart getting nailed by what would become Nexus.

After that, Drew McIntyre comes out, shakes McMahon's hand and then we get another video package. Then, McIntyre calls Teddy Long out and we get a promo for him. Now, it's good they're trying to make a bit of context, but they come short. We don't know why they are feuding, or why Hardy was getting nailed too, or even, really, what Teddy Long's role was. I'm glad I didn't have to pay for what is essentially Raw, but the Americans watching did.

We're introduced to Matt Striker who is also commentating at this point, and about half an hour later King decides to join in with the show. They now just talk after each other rather than to each other. Actually, Cole tries to hold it together, but Striker talks over both of the other two. The arena design is lazy. It's just Raw with a Big 4, and you barely even notice that. Compared to some of the bigger things we've seen over the years, it's not very impressive at all.

We get the customary replay of the match, before an interview with the Hart Dynasty. Let Natalya do the talking lads, seriously. After the divas match, we get a segment with Mysterio and Big Show. Visually impressive, audiably poor. Then Jericho comes out, and delivers our first decent promo of the evening. He talks about himself for ages, fitting his character, before bringing it around to Evan Bourne, and making himself the victim, and then he attacks shooting star press. Very good.

We get another big video promo from Kane, although interestingly, Kane isn't in the match, and we just kind of gloss over the people that are there. We get an advert for Money in the Bank, following on for one from before for the Best of 2009-2010 DVD. Neither of them are very good to be honest. The Miz comes out and gives his own version of R-Truth's rap, which is quite funny.

Now, we have Edge giving an interview, which is quite good, imagining what his opponents are thinking, but it's hardly brilliant. Before the main event, they give each wrestler a vignette style build up. It's an interesting way of doing it, and a good way to present a match that essentially has no basis. Well, they don't give Cena and Orton ones, I don't think, which is a bit weird.

At the end, NXT do they same beatdown they do all the time on John Cena. I'm going to treat that as it was then rather than how it is now and suggest that that was a new way to finish a PPV, so I'll give marks for freshness.

To be perfectly honest, this production was largely lazy in the execution. The commentary has taken a step backwards and few of the matches were well presented. It was only saved from being harshly marked by virtue of the fact that the on screen graphics were quite nice, and Jericho delivered a good promo, while the whole Nexus thing was still fairly fresh at the time. At times there was a feeling that I was watching Raw though, and the fact it was only two and a half hours long added to that feeling. I give the production of this event 6.1 out of 10

Overview

This was distinctly average. There was nothing write homeable about it, nor was there anything totally shit. It was an improvement on Over The Limit, but not by a great measure, the Smackdown main event was fun, but there really needs to be an improvement after this.

I give this event 66 out of 100

 

[Tastycles]

Still out of order, still can't be arsed to plug my girlfriend's laptop in.

WWE Money In The Bank 2010

Kofi Kingston vs Dolph Ziggler vs Christian vs Cody Rhodes vs Matt Hardy vs Drew McIntyre vs Kane vs Big Show (Money in the Bank ladder match)

Cody Rhodes' entrance music: pile of shit. Genuine Typo when I wrote those notes: Matt Lardy. We get startede with the classic big melee, before we quickly get the unexplained exit of 5 of the 8. Big Show gets rid of Rhodes then KAne and then he breaks a ladder by standing on it. Then everyone goes after him, despite the fact we have seen he can't really win.

Brawl, McIntyre puts a ladder up, Matt Hardy throws him off, Christian throws him off, Matt Hardy throws him off, shit punchy bit to the outside. Kingston stops Rhodes before being stopped himself by Ziggler, now Christian's back.It's just so pedestrian at this stage. Even Hardy pushing the ladder over is a bit shit.

Kane hits a double chokeslam, but it's so lamely set up, and is followed by a ladder sandwich to him and finally the first interesting spot, courtesy of Hardy and Christian, but it is a little tame. Christian climbs a ladder that is about 400 nautical miles away from the case, and is pushed out of the ring. Everyone hits finishers on Kane, then back to pedestrianism. McIntyre comes from nowhere and clears house.

He's sidetracked by Ziggler before Kane Drags him out of the ring and, nostaligically, heads for the Spanish announce table. Doesn't doanything though, except get twatted in the face by Kofi Kingston. Then, in a spot this match desperately needed, and which would have been good in 1998, Kingston jumps off half way up a ladder onto McIntyre on the Spanish announce table.

Big Show hits Ziggler with a chokeslam, and then he and Kane go for ech other. Big Show then jumps onto a ladder onto Christian and Matt Hardy, then pulls out a giant ladder. And then, a week later, he gets it in the ring. Why would you have a ladder that could hold a ton? Anyway, Cody Rhodes comes and hits Show with a stepladder, before Ziggler.

We now just get a lot of slow moves, with the odd decent spot like the cross Rhodes onto the ladder, then a Zigzag onto the ladder, then... Where's Kane?? Don't know, but he's been down from a punch as long as McIntyre's been down from a legdrop off a ladder through a table. He's back, pushes Big Show off the ladder out the ring, then everyone buries hm in ladders. They all start climbing the massive ladder, Kane pulls them all off, Ziggler climbs over KAne, then puts on a sleeper, and eventuallyends up getting thrown on the pile of ladders.

Then Kingston gets chokeslammed onto it. Then Rhodes gets rammed into the Securicor van, before Christian and Matt Hardy power bomb Kane. IT's one of these three now, everyone else's exits have been pretty terminal. Hardy and Christian battle on the top, then push each other off. McIntyre, out of nowhere, is up, but he's tired, Kane recovers, chokeslam off the top, and then Kane proves that he is more intelligent than Jack Swagger by simply unhooking the case.

Not terrible, but there weren't enough big time spots in this, and some of the eliminations were a little lame. The MITB is all about big spots and this match fell short in that respect, but it was relatively open throughout. I give this match 6.8 out of 10

Eve Torres vs Alicia Fox (Divas' Championship)

There's nothing to write about here. The epitome of average. There's nothing going on at all. 4.6 out of 10

The Usos vs The Hart Dynasty (Tag Team Championship)

6 people in the match, most have grown up with the industry, yet only one, Natalya, is even remotely capable of geeing the crowd up. What we do see is a fairly decent tag encounter, that's not much to write home about. However, Tyson Kidd has a real sense of fluidity, and has excellent timing. The spot where the Usos tag in subtlely was good, as was his timing in getting the knees up.

They eventually win with a sharpshooter in what was something of a lacklustre finish. I saw enough from the Usos to suggest they have a future, and Natalya, if she were a man, would be one of wrestling's great hopes. Seriously. The Hart Dynasty are probably at their peak. Not bad, but not world beating either. 6.7 out of 10

Jack Swagger vs Rey Mysterio (World Heavyweight Championship)

Rey Mysterio is injured, so already, we know how this one is going to go. We begin with Swagger going low and missing, before putting Mysterio in the corner. It quickly spills outside, and Mysterio is on top, until Swagger hits a lightening quick suplex off the top rope.

He starts going for the ankle, and after a lengthy period of dominance, Rey is on the up and up after a missed Vaderbomb. Mysterio gets a bit of offense in, but it doesn't last long as Swagger repeatedly gets a hold of the ankle. It truly goes one way then the other as Mysterio's ankle fails him only for him to mount a comeback from nowhere.

Mysterio's greatest comeback is a tornado DDT reversal from a top rope slam attempt. He follows that with a 619, but Swagger catches him and drags him into the ankle lock, before hitting two Vadersaults and then returning to the ankle. Rey Mysterio takes his boot off, and then hits a huracanrana pin for victory. Good ending, remniscent of the past. This match wasn't a classic, but it was enjoyable enough, and Swagger is improving. 7.5 out of 10

Kane vs Rey Mysterio (World Heavyweight Championship)

Typically, these matches take about 20 seconds, and the score I give it is dependant on the manner it is executed, and the way the match is set up. For set up, this was great. For execution, they could have made Rey at least try and fight back, after all, Kane should be tired too. Kane wins it quickly, and notably, by using the tombstone. Also, probably better than their matches in 2008.

8.2 out of 10

Kelly Kelly vs Layla (WWE Women's Championship)

Layla is stunning. Absolutely stunning. This match isn't. Kelly is abysmal, and while Layla isn't bad when she's being led, she'snot a match leader. You can tell Finlay has been training her, as she's using the ring aapron. Kelly does some horrible selling, then Layla almost does an illegal hold, then does do it, and ends up hitting McCool into Kelly. Kelly goes apeshit, then there's a series of moves that get botched, most tellingly Michelle failing to move Layla's foot, and it ends with literally the least convincing roll up I've ever seen. This was poor, but there was still something oddly watchable about it, unlike the worst matches I've seen in this division. Still, it's not worth more than 3.2 out of 10.

Randy Orton vs The Miz vs Mark Henry vs Ted DiBiase vs John Morrison vs Chris Jericho vs Evan Bourne vs Edge

Again, we start with a clusterfuck of beatings, but here it quickly turns into something a little more interesting, courtesy of Mark Henry's ability to launch ladders, and Evan Bourne's ability to turn anything into a hurracanrana. Orton hits his rope DDT thing off the ladder on Bourne, before Morrison throws both Miz and DiBiase into a ladder.

Morrison then sets a ladder up in the middle of the right of the ring... Anyway, he fights Edge on to of the ladder as Jericho and Orton fight on one next to them, before Henry pushes both ladders over. Impressive. Maryse takes the chance to have a go, as all the men are down. Fair play, John Morrison helps her down rather than ***** her. I wish it was Lita, and we didn't have to make such concessions, but alas.

Anyway, Morrison then runs along some sort of obstacle course of ladders, until Edge sets him up in one, as he and Miz thrust a ladder into him, before pushing the ladder over. A spot I've never seen before, fairly well executed. DiBiase is setting up some sort of contraption, but then he climbs the ladder and ignores it, classic MITB.

Henry presses Miz onto a ladder onto Jericho, well played. Bourne climbs the ladder as Edge and Jericho go after Henry, but Bourne ends upp being decimated by a World's Strongest Slam after getting thrown out of the ring. 50 finishers later, Henry is also down.

Four men climb the ladder as DiBiase sets up another contraption and crosses a ladder bridge to the same place as the rest of them until Edge and Orton throw him ladder and all out of the ring. Orton hits Edge with an RKO, and we're left with Jericho and Morrison on top of the ladder, and Jericho does his hang upside down spot. Bourne hits an airbourne on Orton straight after the former has hit an RKO on Miz. Jericho and Bourne fight on top of the ladder, Jericho wins, and is soon joined by Edge, Orton hits a huge RKO to Jericho off the ladder. Orton throws Edge into DiBiase's initial contraption.

Orton looks like he's going to win, but The Miz throws him off and wins with the ease that Kane did. Swagger really must be a moron. This was much more like it, spotty, innovative. There will never be a truly great ladder match until the WWE gets a bit more tolerant of blood risks, but this was nonetheless a good attempt. 8.3 out of 10

John Cena vs Sheamus (Steel Cage match for WWE Championship)

It starts slow, and it gets slower. I appreciate the way that you make Cena look good is to restrain him and then let him come racing at you, but this is taking it too far. The early stages of the match are far too reigned in, and rather than making Sheamus look in control, he looked lethargic.

Eventually Sheamus tries to escape, but it doesn't really go anywhere, and normal service is resumed, albeit at a far more quick and domineering pace. It makes for a much better spectacle. Sure enough Cena goes racing at him, but ends up in a sleeper. Classic wrestling.

We slow down again now, and it's far easier to buy into it at this stage as both have had fairly big offensive periods. Cena bursts into it after a while, but Sheamus tries to climb when Cena gets him in the Attitude Adjuster. Cena throws him off, but instead of climbing out, he hits a move.

Next, it's Sheamus' turn to almost win, as Cena is trapped in the ropes, and Sheamus climbs over him, only for Cena to power out. They both end up down after Sheamus hits some sort of signature move, before hitting his big kick only for Cena to kick out.

Cena manages to hit an attitude adjustment, Sheamus kicks out.Then, Nexus show up, and we all look at them, and the ref gets knocked down, only for Sheamus to tap out. Nexus start climbing in the ring, but Sheamus manages to climb out for victory. Completely bizarre ending to proceedings, and the whole Nexus interferance thing was getting a bit tired at this point. That, and the slow beginning cost this match a good deal of what it had. Still, it wasn't too bad. 7.1 out of 10

Production and Extras

We open with a damp squib of an entry video, and then enter a very lacklustre arena. We meet the announce team, same as ever and they introduce the Spanish one. I wish I spoke Spanish, is what I take from that encounter. Naturally, none of these matches have any build so we go straight into the Smackdown MITB match.

After which, we get an interview with Sheamus. It's not rabble-rousing, but its better than average. Swagger's abandonment of his father is reflected upon before a phone conversation with his mother. It's different, I suppose. No build to the tag match, but a decent video package hyping Mysterio and Swagger. After that match, there is a beat down on Mysterio, but Kane comes down, without the case, to make the save and chase Swagger away. Then he comes back with the case. Unexpected, it really was. At some point there was an advert for a funny looking bloke. Not a fan.

We get a shot of Edge watching Kane on video, then he proceeds to give the same promo he always gives about MITB, only this time Jericho was there. Tired. Then we get a brief video explaining Kelly Kelly's feud with Lay-cool. Striker's Layla voice is neither funny nor accurate, so he can fuck off.

After the second MITB match, Miz does a winners speech, but it's a bit flat, particularly compared to what he had done before. Before the Cena and Sheamus match we get a video package. It is the first one of the night that has had any effort put into it, by the looks of it. After the main event Cena beats down Tarver, which is a quite lacklustre ending to a PPV, to be honest.

The whole setting of this PPV is lacking any sense of occasion. The commentators, while they have stopped talking over each other and setting up awkward silences, they have mostly been unnoticed. Sometimes that's a good thing, but matches like MITB need overstating. They need King to be screaming, not Matt Striker talking about cartliage. None of the promos were that good, and the setting was pretty bad really, too obvious and no real effort on the stage at all. Such an ending belongs on Raw. On the plus side, it was well timed for a change. 5.8 out of 10

Overview

Not very good. Saved by what was quite a fun Raw MITB match and the novelty of seeing an MITB cash in. The rest was distinctly quite lazy. Essentially, this event needed a bit of pizazz, and it didn't get any. The cash-in was a shock, but now they've blown their load in that respect, they need to up the game next year. On the whole, the event was almost as good as fatal-four-way but still nowhere near WrestleMania, or even No Way Out's quality.

I give this event 66 out of 100