Starrcade 1992 with KB

klunderbunker

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Starrcade 1992
Date: December 28, 1992
Location: The Omni, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Jesse Ventura, Jim Ross

Well we had to get to this one eventually. This is the biggest show of the year (allegedly) and it’s Battlebowl again. However this time they’ve mixed in a bunch of regular matches to balance it out. The problem however is that last year, there was a story running through the show: Sting wanted Luger and got him at the end. That’s completely lacking here and it turns into an NWA circle jerk for Japanese guys that no one in WCW cared about because they weren’t staying around past February. As a result, this show sucks other than Sting vs. Vader and a good to very good tag title match. Let’s get to it.

JR and Jesse run down the card but Eric Bischoff has a special report: Rick Rude is injured and can’t challenge for the world title tonight, which he was scheduled to win. Dr. Death Steve Williams will replace him.

We get to the problem of this year’s Battlebowl: the match is going to have 8 people in it. Yeah, an 8 man battle royal. That’s not going to suck.

We go to Tony, Bill Watts and….Hank Aaron (yes, that Hank Aaron) to present Sting his Battlebowl ring from last year. Sting is given a ring and for the life of me I don’t get why Hank Aaron is there. Yeah he worked for Turner but that’s about it. And people wonder why no one got this company at times.

Missy and Larry are drawing the Battlebowl names but the first ones were drawn at a Clash of the Champions, which is what we’re seeing here.

Van Hammer/Dan Spivey vs. Marcus Bagwell/Johnny B. Badd

They’re doing a semi-good job here of making this look random at least. It’s rigged but they’re trying at least. Cactus and Hammer start us off which makes sense as they’re rivals. Hammer takes over and hits a leg drop for one. Badd and Cactus actually work pretty well together until Spivey comes in and beats down Cactus for awhile. Spivey and Hammer are both tall and blonde so that works pretty well.

Badd comes in to beat on Hammer but Spivey gets a knee to the back which Hammer doesn’t like. Boss Man Slam gets no cover for Spivey. Jesse talks about the heel/face dynamic in slightly different words of course. Bearhug goes on Badd for all of 4 seconds and it’s back to Hammer. Hammer isn’t thrilled with Spivey being all evil. Belly to back gets two. Badd gets a weak tag to Cactus who beats up Spivey.

You could hear the face pops coming quickly for Cactus but it’s not all the way there yet. Badd is on the floor so Cactus can’t tag him. He comes in for a save but accidently drops an elbow on Cactus. Cactus isn’t happy so Badd drills him, allowing Hammer to roll him up for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but just a random tag match for the most part. Expect to hear that a lot tonight, at least when they actually have matches. With only four matches it’s kind of stupid because think about this: Van Hammer and Dan Spivey are in the finals of this contest and there are only six others. Kind of limits the field of potential winners don’t you think? Anyway, this was just a regular tag match and it worked fine I guess despite being a bit boring.

We draw the next names.

Dustin Rhodes/Vader vs. Kensuke Sasaki/Barbarian

Talk about a one sided tag match. Sasaki is pretty weak and I don’t know of anyone who has ever bought a ticket to see Barbarian. Barbarian and Vader start us off (Jesse says Bavarian) and they actually shake hands. Barbarian gets a clothesline and Vader is like yeah keep trying that and see what happens. Instead he casually slams Vader. That looked pretty good. Vader slams Barbarian and it isn’t nearly as good actually.

Commentary kind of stops for awhile as they ram into each other. Vader is finally like enough of this and beats the tar out of Barbarian in the corner. They botch something and Barbarian takes him down with some clotheslines. Vader drills him with one of his own and it’s off to Dustin after a good while of the power dudes. Double teaming gets two on Barbarian.

Off to Sasaki who is considered just like a Road Warrior. That being said he’ll barely sell anything. His reward for that? A ticked off Vader flattening him. Vader runs over Sasaki and hits a powerslam for two. Sasaki tries to come back so Vader kicks him in the face. Sasaki manages a suplex on Vader and it’s off to Barbarian and Rhodes. Sasaki breaks up a pin so Dustin hammers on him. Heel (I guess) miscommunication leads to rollup by Dustin to pin Barbarian. Vader and Race beat up Rhodes post match because that’s what they do.

Rating: C+. I liked this actually. There’s something cool about two big old boys just mauling each other and throwing wrestling out the window. The losing team didn’t have much at all going as far as technical abilities so why even try to make it out to be something it’s not? Fun match and it worked for what it was.

More drawing. The match that follows is always the one drawn.

Barry Windham/Great Muta vs. 2 Cold Scorpio/Brian Pillman

Pretty interesting teams here actually. Muta was here because the NWA decided New Japan should have a big presence on this show. He gets Chono later on for the NWA Title. Windham is in a tag title match later with Pillman as his partner. Scorpio is just awesome so this should work out well. Muta is IWGP Champion and very popular here in the old NWA town.

Windham tosses Scorpio around to start and Scorpio is like cool so we speed things up a lot. Muta comes in and Windham isn’t thrilled with it. Dang Muta is fast with those kicks. Off to Pillman in what could have been a dream match around this time. This is as fast paced as you would expect with them even moving in a headlock on the mat. And never mind as we bring Windham in to face his partner. Wouldn’t Windham want to be really careful here? Apparently not as they chop it out.

Muta comes in again quickly which is a shame because those chops were awesome. SWEET spin kick for Muta to take Pillman down. Pillman sends Muta into the buckle and here’s Scorpio again. Splash hits the knees of Muta and here’s Windham again. There isn’t a boring combination in this entire match. Floatover suplex gets two on 2 Cold. Windham is finally like screw this and DRILLS Scorpio with a right hand.

Windham and Muta hit a double dropkick and Scorpio is almost out of it. There’s that sweet elbow from Muta which is one of his signature moves. Scorpio finally gets to speed things up a bit but gets his head kicked off to send him to the ramp. Scorpio messes up a slingshot splash and everything breaks down again. Windham kills Scorpio dead with what we would call the Edgecution and Muta mostly misses a moonsault, almost making it a backflip headbutt, to end Scorpio.

Rating: B-. Another good match here and dang I’d like to see these guys have more than seven minutes. Good stuff overall with four guys that were just straight up talented and motivated here, which is the best kind of match. The lack of time is what hurt it here but overall, fun stuff and the best match of the night so far by a good margin.

Sting/Steve Williams vs. Erik Watts/Jushin Thunder Liger

Sting was automatically in. One of the issues this year is like half of the guys aren’t selected and just stand around in the back. Watts is the son of the boss and flat out does not belong in a mainstream wrestling company at this point. I can actually have some sympathy for him though because it was his dad’s idea (in theory) to keep pushing him. He belonged in an independent company for a few years getting experience and he never got to do that because his dad ran the second biggest company in wrestling. Not his fault.

Sting vs. Liger to start us off which should be awesome. After some basic stuff Williams comes in and makes Liger look like an idiot. Williams is a legit amateur champion and big time football player from Oklahoma, so Ross sounds like Cole did with Miz. Ross praises him so much that he might as well get in the middle of the ring and suck Williams dry. Something tells me he wouldn’t mind.

Watts gets a cross body and Williams is all ticked off so he chops Watts like there’s no tomorrow. Off to Liger who at least has a chance out there with Dr. Death. Liger tries his high flying stuff and Williams gets one of the sickest clotheslines you’ll ever see. The referee actually checks Liger’s arm after it but it only gets two. Sting comes back in and rams Liger’s stomach into the top buckle for two.

Sunset flip gets two for Liger who has to be glad to be away from Doc. Never mind as here’s Williams again. Williams drops him throat first across the top then looks at Watts as if to say yeah try it boy. Sting comes in and gets two off Doc’s move. Slam gets two. Stinger Splash misses and it’s off to Williams again. It’s a good thing Liger can sell so well as he’s getting mauled here.

Back to Sting as they work on the arm for a bit. And never mind as there’s a half crab by Sting. Williams comes in again and this is pure dominance. Liger grabs a sleeper and is suplexed less than three seconds later. Liger gets a few shots in and finally brings in Watts for a slugout. Watts is tall and that’s about the end of his physical strengths. He’s as skinny as a rail while Williams is short, stocky and looks like he could kill most wild animals with his bare hands.

We now get one of the things Watts is semi-known for: the worst dropkick you will ever see. Actually you can’t even call it that as he doesn’t even extend his legs. It’s more like a double shin to the chest. A second one is somewhat better but it’s still pretty bad. Watts tries his STF finisher but Williams makes the rope. Stun Gun to Watts ends him, drawing probably the loudest pop of the night, just because Watts got hurt.

Rating: C. This was pure dominance by Sting and Williams here and was almost a squash. Liger tried but he got mauled out there and then tagged in a glorified green jobber. This was pretty awful for them but Sting and Williams had some surprisingly good teamwork and weren’t bad together at all.

Battlebowl is Dan Spivey, Van Hammer, Dustin Rhodes, Vader, Sting, Steve Williams, Barry Windham, Great Muta

Larry Zbyszko previews Great Muta vs. Chono. That is, in a word, bizarre.

NWA World Title: Masahiro Chono vs. Great Muta

Chono is champion here and Muta had a match like 15 minutes ago. Allegedly, Watts told these two to have a weak match so that WCW wouldn’t get shown up. These two had a match in Japan recently with Chono beating Muta’s alter ego/real persona: Keiji Mutoh. Chono gets a running boot to the head early and Muta kind of shrugs it off. Down to the mat we go with Chono holding an advantage.

Enziguri takes Muta down so he takes a breather. Muta bails again and aside from the boring match, the main problem of this is quickly apparent: no one knows who Chono is and no one is particularly interested in this match. There’s no feud here for the most part other than a rivalry in Japan that is only touched on. Most fans are probably looking at this match and wondering who in the world they are (Muta is known but Chono isn’t at all for the most part) and why we’re watching this match.

Chono and Muta are both excellent in the ring but that’s not what most people care about in wrestling. Fans need a reason to care about these people and the title they’re fighting over. The NWA Title hasn’t meant anything in forever and that summed up the NWA’s issues in a nutshell: they never got that no one cared about the history or tradition or anything like that.

They wanted to see wrestling and drama and all that jazz. Chono and Muta are great, but there’s no reason for the fans to care about them, this match or the title they’re fighting over. The NWA of course decided they knew what the fans really wanted, and that’s why they’re of no importance today.

Anyway back to the match. In short, it’s beyond boring. It’s a mat exhibition for the most part with both guys trading submission holds that aren’t interesting or anything special at all. The commentary is more or less silent here as there’s just nothing to talk about here. Chono works on the arm as the crowd is more or less dead here. Muta kicks him in the knee a few times and here’s another hold on the mat.

They play keep away a few times on the floor and now let’s work the arm. Chono goes up but gets caught in a superplex to finally make the crowd care in the slightest. Half crab goes on so Jesse and Ross debate if it should be called a Hiroshima Crab. Indian Deathlock goes on as this is painfully dull. Muta finally does something, hitting the handspring elbow but the moonsault misses. That has to be the case because otherwise the fans might have cared.

Muta hurts his knee on the ending and Chono goes after it. Ok scratch that as he kicks him in the head instead. They both try dropkicks so they can lay down a bit now. Muta misses another dropkick and there’s the STF for the submission win for Chono. He would win the title from Chono in like a week in Tokyo.

Rating: F. Just no. No way this is something that should have been allowed on a PPV at all. I really hope the Watts story is true, because otherwise this is inexcusable. It’s about twelve minutes long with about eleven and a half being on the mat in rest holds. No idea what the point of this was and I don’t think anyone else did either.

There will be a tournament for the #1 contendership of the US Title which Rude holds. He would eventually forfeit the title and the winner of the tournament, Dustin Rhodes, would get the championship for winning. Rude comes out and complains.

WCW World Title: Ron Simmons vs. Steve Williams

JR of course rattles off Williams’ football resume because he can. Apparently these two are old football rivals. Williams wants a handshake which takes way too long to get to. Simmons throws on a headlock to start which goes nowhere. They get in three point stances which also go nowhere. Time for an armbar because that’s what kind of match this is going to be I guess.

Williams hits a forearm and Simmons is all ticked off about it for some reason. Let’s stall now because we haven’t stalled in a few minutes. Simmons wins a brief slugout and gets a bulldog for two. Back to that armbar because….well because this is a boring match. That’s why. Top rope shoulder/clothesline doesn’t hit so Williams takes over, I guess as the heel. He works on the knee a bit and this is still rather boring.

The leg work takes up a good deal of time as this is a great example of WCW at the time: two names with no particular reason to fight in a dull match with one working over a body part for far too long with nothing else happening before we get to what will likely be an uninteresting ending. Williams takes the knee out a few times but runs into a clothesline on the third attempt. And then they fight to the floor for the double countout. Oh for Pete’s sake.

Rating: F+. OH COME ON ALREADY. We wait fifteen minutes for that finish? This is supposed to be the biggest show of the year and you give us the Japanese match and now THIS for the two world title matches? Are you freaking kidding me? You can’t even have a quick three count or something? This company deserves to go under.

Oh but wait. Doc beats on Simmons post match so Simmons wins by DQ. You know, BECAUSE THAT MAKES EVERYTHING ALL FREAKING BETTER RIGHT???

We get a recap of Windham/Pillman vs. Steamboat/Douglas. Not much here other than Windham jumping them both with a chair a few weeks ago.

Tag Titles: Shane Douglas/Ricky Steamboat vs. Barry Windham/Brian Pillman

Bunch of notes here. This would be the unified tag title, as in NWA/WCW tag titles because the NWA had to jump on WCW’s back whenever they could. This is on the Essential Starrcade DVD and the match has TV time remaining. On a PPV? Seriously? Anyway Pillman vs. Douglas starts us off. Apparently Shane likes Rush Limbaugh. Windham and Pillman are the heels here.

This is before Douglas went to ECW and deemed himself divine or something so he’s pretty good at this point. Jesse gets on Shane for using punches. There’s something funny about that. They have a nice little one on one match and the champions (Steamboat/Douglas if I forgot to mention that) beat up Windham also. Windham and Steamboat go at it for a bit to a nice reaction and it’s back to Shane.

Windham takes a good beating for a guy his size. Neckbreaker gets two. Pillman comes in to beat on Shane for a bit as I have a feeling we’re in for a long one here. Douglas manages to get a dropkick to send Pillman off the apron and into the railing. In a nice touch, Windham distracts Douglas while he’s up top, allowing Pillman to dropkick him off the top and down to the floor.

Time for the challengers to take over with Pillman choking Douglas. Double teaming commences by the challengers so Steamboat whacks Windham with a chair. Pillman makes a last second save to keep Shane from making the tag though and Douglas keeps taking a beating. Barry comes off the top with a right hand and adds a belly to back for two. There’s more double teaming by the challengers as this is taking awhile to get through.

Steamboat finally is tagged in and is promptly planted by a Windham powerslam. Pillman throws Steamboat over the top but the referee misses it, meaning no DQ. Big chop gets two for Steamboat as this is needing to end. Windham pounds on Steamboat so Steamboat keeps pointing a finger at him. Top rope chop misses and there’s a not very superkick by Steamboat and a face plant takes Windham down.

Double tag brings in Shane and Pillman with Shane taking over. Everything breaks down quickly. Isn’t it amazing that Steamboat literally collapsed into the tag to Shane yet a few seconds later he’s back in there and just fine? Either way, Steamboat and Windham go to the ramp and Shane gets a Boss Man Slam called a belly to belly for the pin.

Rating: B-. They tried to make this out to be an epic match but other than being twenty minutes long, nothing was really all that epic about this. It’s not a bad match or anything but it never really gets to that epic level that I think they were hoping for with it. Not a bad match for the most part, but just not that interesting at the same time.

King of Cable Tournament Finals: Sting vs. Vader

The Cable part is apparently the ropes and not cable as in TV. Again with the TV time remaining. Sting vs. Vader is one of those matches where you start the rating at a B instead of the usual C, because these two are expected to have a great match. B is their average rating. Sting wants to stretch Vader here apparently. Right hands get Sting nowhere so Vader slams him instead.

There’s a second as they’re doing a slow build here. Sting charges at Vader and that’s rather stupid with Vader ramming him down with ease. Vader gets a gorilla press and actually holds him up with one arm for a bit before throwing him into a stun gun. He does it again and it’s all Vader here. Vader hammers away so Sting goes cannonball on him, launching himself into Vader in a cool looking move.

BIG release German that looked awesome takes down Vader. Cactus Clothesline and we hit the floor. Sting dives over the top and takes out Vader and Race at the same time. Back in and Vader hammers away but an armdrag sends him back down again. Stinger Splash misses so Sting is like screw it and kicks him in the face a few times. This is the old school Sting/Vader formula with them just pounding each other. Sting can throw Vader around like Lesnar threw cruiserweights around which looks awesome every time.

DDT off the top gets two. Crowd is eating this up. Scorpion goes on but Vader grabs the rope. The splash misses against the railing as it always did and Vader’s mouth is busted. Back in the ring and Vader ends him with a clothesline. Splash in the corner sets up another clothesline and Vader yells at him. Vader punches him into the corner and a belly to back sets up a splash for two.

Off to a chinlock which looks intense also. Vader gets something like a kneeling abdominal stretch with a head twist on it also. Backslide gets two for Sting and Vader isn’t thrilled. Sunset flip doesn’t work but Vader drops down, hitting only mat. Sting gets a belly to back suplex but is spent afterwards. Vader actually gets a cover off that for two. He pounds away and Sting stumbles to the corner and collapses.

Sting somehow gets up and takes shot after shot to the head while Vader swings away. The idea here is to get Vader to punch himself out and it doesn’t really work. Sting is put on the top and Vader goes for a superplex, only to knock Vader off. Vader beats him up again and it’s back to the wear Vader down strategy. Sting is all fired up here and it’s AWESOME. Vader gets weaker and weaker and here comes Sting.

Big right hand and Vader is staggered. A few more take him down and Sting gets a Samoan Drop for no cover because Vader landed in the ropes. Top rope splash gets two. Race gets involved and Vader gets in a shot to slow Sting down. Chokeslam (unheard of at this time) puts Sting down and Vader goes up. Second rope splash hits and Vader is all ticked off. He goes all the way up and dives at Sting who catches him in a powerslam for the pin and the tournament win. AWESOME MATCH!

Rating: A. This is one of their best, which is saying a lot when you consider all the wars they’ve had. This is the heavyweight slugfest, where both guys go out there and it’s nothing but high impact the entire time. The first bit is a bit slow but the ending more than makes up for it. Sting knows how to fire up a crowd as well as anyone and you never reach the point where it’s unrealistic. Vader hammers him time after time and Sting just keeps getting up. Great match and even with me having seen it many times and knowing the ending it still got me all the way into it. It’s on the Starrcade DVD also so check it out.

The highlight package is awesome too with Sting mauling Vader. Great stuff.

Sting is presented with the trophy.

Paul Hornung, a Hall of Fame football player and one of the best players ever, talks about rings in sports. You know, because you couldn’t talk to Sting who is a WRESTLER and has a ring right? This is a waste of time. Starrcade is on Monday this year apparently.

Battlebowl

Dan Spivey, Dustin Rhodes, Great Muta, Barry Windham, Steve Williams, Van Hammer, Sting, Vader

Winner gets….a ring. Vader found his mask again somewhere in there. Just one ring this year so it’s just a battle royal. Sting is spent, having finished his match like five minutes ago. Vader spears him down on the ramp before Sting can even get in. Windham and Rhodes are rivals here so they’re fighting. Sting goes in and we go triple screen: the regular shot (THANK GOODNESS) and two smaller screens at the bottom. No complaint here because you can see everyone on the regular shot.

Sting and Vader pair off of course as do Windham and Rhodes. Muta vs. Williams and Van Hammer vs. Spivey. Why in the world is Dan freaking Spivey in this? They change off a bit with no one eliminated yet. Muta saves Sting for no apparent reason. Ventura wants to know also and rants on it for a bit. Vader puts what would become known as a Tazmission on Rhodes as Spivey tries to throw Sting out.

Sting puts a sleeper on Vader as Windham and Rhodes fight on the apron without being eliminated. Van Hammer goes out. Windham takes a bulldog on the ramp and is more or less out cold. He rolls back in while Williams suplexes Vader. Sting puts Spivey out. Sting returns the favor by splashing Vader to save Muta. Vader splashes Sting on the ropes and they’re both out, leaving us with Muta, Rhodes, Williams and Windham.

Muta kicks Williams a lot as Windham has what appears to be a legit broken nose. Everyone does usual battle royal stuff at this point as the star power is gone so no one cares anymore. Windham goes up and Rhodes slams him down because he’s not that smart. Windham tries to put Rhodes out so Williams charges, only to put himself out at the same time Rhodes goes over. The final two are Muta and Windham.

The fans wake up a bit now to cheer for Muta or maybe it’s because something actually happened. Always hard to say. Windham beats on Muta for awhile, including hitting his superplex finisher. Windham tosses him, the cat is skinned, dropkick ends this with Muta winning this. Yes, the guy that would be gone more or less after this show and had a total of three major WCW matches in 1992 (all on this show) just won the thing. Well of course he did.

Rating: D. Questionable booking aside, this was pretty bad. Nothing of note happened here and Muta winning was just weird. The main thing though: this doesn’t change anything. The first one (also the best) was a way for Sting to defeat Luger in some direct competition and set up Superbrawl. This….didn’t do that at all. Muta would get the NWA Title in January and lose it to Windham at Superbrawl and not be seen in WCW (that I remember) until 2000. I guess this was buildup to that, which means the NWA has struck again. I’m shocked too.

Overall Rating: D. Weak show here with the main gimmick not being interesting in the slightest and there not being much else going on. Vader and Sting would be the exception to this and is absolutely must see stuff. Other than that though this is a forgotten show and it’s forgotten for a good reason. Nothing to see here and the whole thing didn’t work for the most part. Watts was promptly fired and Bischoff took over after this, so that tells you what you need to know I think. See Sting vs. Vader and that’s it.
 
This show represents everything that was wrong with early 90's WCW. They had the talent and were simply too stupid to know what to do with it. Sting vs. Vader was one of the best feuds in the history of the company. It's hard to think of any two guys who worked better than them at the time. Instead of of hyping Sting vs. Vader for either the world title or just a grudge match, they completely fuck it up.

All anticipation of seeing them goes away when the each wrestle in a worthless tag match before their one on one match. Immediately after they wrestle a classic, they are thrown into a worthless 8 man battle royal. Why the hell couldn't WCW be smart enough to hype them as the main event of Starrcade instead of the over complicated shit they went with.

The NWA excuse is bullshit too. WCW was the name of the wrestling company that was owned by a billionaire that had his own TV network. The NWA was a worthless relic that hadn't meant anything since Vince killed them in the late 80's. Who gives a damn that they want Chono and Muta and the PPV. Turner should have severed ties with them the second he bought the company.
 

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