Spidey's Poetry Corner

[Spidey Revivey]

Hey all! Since the forum gods have granted us this wonderful section to write whatever hooplah comes to mind, I thought maybe some poetry shared amongst ourselves would be awesome. Feel free to contribute in any way you like as long as you abide by the rules posted by Slyfox. Since this is my little corner, I'll share my own works and any feedback would be appreciated. My only wish is that you writers come up with your own material and not copy and paste from elsewhere.

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Brotherly Revival


Beneath winter's grief of a day lost in time

Resides but still hides the cold burning sublime

Of a flame, finely framed, forged in frost and snow

That savors, it wavers and waits for its rebirth

Hardened by the garden of a white quilted Earth

Eternal, infernal, this candle's light will grow

Ready to bring heat to a clamorous soul.

 

[smizzy]

Impressive rhyme sequences yet still solid in content and narrative.

Keep em, comin!

 

[Spidey Revivey]

Sibyl Vane


Did you fall from the stage of innocence?

Or did you rise from a past repentance?

Riding the coattails of a doomed society

Illusions and hedonism, our propriety

All is hell but the lust is heavenly

New fixes given so reverently



God loves the wicked, he smites the boring

Ready to dance in that dress so adoring?

A picture of me hangs in these halls again

You should be my Sibyl Vane, here - take my hand

 

[Spidey Revivey]

That Redness



That killing edge that caresses madness

Infallible ally, that stain, that redness

The rawest of emotion in the most primal of instinct

A shudder

Sweet mother

And now The Devil has winked



You feel it taking over, that redness

As you wade through the wetness

Dishonest the notion of the final judgment

One other

Sweet brother

We bathe the world in torment



Violent ambitions

Redness inflicted

Empty restrictions

Heaven prohibited



Crimson mask, angels ask

Why such sadism?



"For each fan," said McMahon,

"The escapism."

 

[Reflection]

How about trying a rhyme scheme other than AABBCC...? Also, since you are 25 years old, try composing a proper poem; the first one has 7 lines, the second one is okay but sounds more like a rap than a poem, the third one is mainly composed of two and three word lines which you could have merged easily. How about grouping your poem into several stanzas, each depicting a distinct emotion and circumstance, and telling its own story? The more enjoyable you make your poems, the better. Capture the reader with your words, make him read it again and again.

Poet Madden out.

 

[Spidey Revivey]

I appreciate the feedback thus far, and will keep in mind some new ways to construct my stanzas in the future, but you are incorrect about two things there, Smark Madden.

Only the second poem I posted has a proper AABBCC rhyming format, and even if you were to write the first off as a technicality, that still leaves my latest work, which follows an AABCCB scheme at first and then changes and never assumes this AABBCC structure that you say is prevalent.

The other mistake is assuming there is even a proper way to write a poem. There is not. There are free verses, imagery, and even poems that have no words to them. Now there is awful poetry out there, definitely, but there isn't any proper poetry.

Again, thank you for your response. Hoping to fill this thread up with more, and have aspiring poets out there post some of their work as well.

 

[Bagpipes]

The Depths of Darkness

Inducing your fear
The dark draws near
Stifling what's right
Eagerly awaiting night

Illumination smothered
Hell's blanket, uncovered
Thy will be done
Tonight, we terrorize the sun

 

[Bagpipes]

The other mistake is assuming there is even a proper way to write a poem. There is not. There are free verses, imagery, and even poems that have no words to them. Now there is awful poetry out there, definitely, but there isn't any proper poetry.

Well said.

 

[Spidey Revivey]

Chicken & Waffles



Send me to church with every bite
Make me a believer, make me a sinner
Every morsel is a mouthful of magic
You haters wished you had this

Makes me want to hit a jazz club at night

Esoteric ecstasy, it takes me back to basics
It's for my breakfast, it's for my dinner
That honey drips heavenly, so wholesome
You lovers know I'm on one

Goddamn, that chicken is so damn crispy

And the waffle isn't even upstaged
It's a worthy sidekick in syrup
There's just the right amount of honey mustard
It's a torture you'd love to suffer

There's an amen in every flick of the fork

That knife is a maestro's wand, my dear friends
It orchestrates and makes me worship
A crescendo of taste, oh god that taste
Has me changing my ways

I'm going to make a beast out of myself

Hallelujah, Amen, Amen

 

[Spidey Revivey]

Love

What a stupid thing
So many of us falling
Quick! Let's kill Cupid


Hate

Hungry dog it is
Ravenous, rage-filled robber
Steals our innocence swiftly


Life

There upon a hill
Stands tall a regal little fawn
Queen of all she sees



Death

Behind her he waits
Rifle in hand and takes aim
Hunter gets eaten



Surprise

The deer are monsters
That escalated quickly
Seriously, damn

 

[Mustang Sally]

That's some fine "cycle of life" stuff, Spider.

 

[stonecoldstunner]

The Rock has haiku for you

JABRONI POEMS
BIG MAN CARD VIOLATION
WORST THREAD OF THE YEAR

 

[Spidey Revivey]

Freestyle #1


The Rock "has haiku" for me, must be a caveman

Coming at me like a 12 year old Paul Heyman

And what's with the man card talk in your haiku?

Did you know by saying that you violated it, too?

I don't expect you to be as smart as me

Honestly

Nobody knows you who you are that's some

Honesty

Let me tell you who I am, I'll drop it

Modestly

I'm the lyrical lariat, the poetic plancha

Don Quixote, The Man of La Mancha

You can't get used to the fire that I spit

Just like Mario, I change the game up a bit

Poetry has gotten men laid since before Christ

You would know that if you ever had a tryst

Rockers still do it, Rappers step to it

Their flow is solid, but can run so fluid

They keep their man cards before any Tooth Fairy

Now before making comebacks, visit a library

I'm laying the gauntlet down - gloves off - Ruthless Aggression

Freestyle a retort or go back to the WWE Non-Spam Section

 

[Spidey Revivey]

Blonde eyes

Mistakes made in the throes of vodka and green apple

What a sweet hell we play in the storm

Surely she sees the death in me

Just as I see the life in her



God that's there

God that isn't

Let us be at peace for one night

For I am a vagabond with a paparazzi

And she's my only way away come what may



I'll tear the sun from the sky

And have the very heavens pour down on me

Just to have the pleasure to bathe with her

In the fires of divine grace

In the mires of floundering fancy



Even now I feel that tidal wave

That only alcoholics know so personally

It's warm, but it takes from me

Takes me to the edge of symmetry

And there I see that I am not the only fuckup on Earth.