Self Harm

[Tastycles]

I've been a fairly depressive person throughout my life, but have never really felt the need to hurt myself physically, yet this appears to be increasingly common. I don't think I've been out with a group of young adults for a while now and not seen somebody, usually a girl, with the telltale scars of teenage self mutilation on their arms. It affects a lot of people, some of whom I know well.

I used to be pretty dismissive of it, and to some extent I do think it's increasing popularity is because it is shown on television to be what unhappy people do, but that's not to say that it isn't a genuine release for somebody, and it's always easier to criticise from the outside looking in.

I'm not really going anywhere with this thread, but I would like to know what people's experiences and thoughts about self harm are.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

I couldnt even begin to understand it, but I damn well sure know whenever im messing about with a girl, and I see those marks, we go straight from "date zone" to "friend zone"

an enormous amount of pressure to put on a potential mate when they see you slice yourself up when you get sad. Uh, yea, no thankyou.

When I speak to them of such things, they never seem to have a genuine practical answer as to why they did that or thought it was a good idea at the time. A lot of them were fairly weird, pretentious, and likely had attention issues when young....Either given too much, or not nearly enough.

 

[Nate DaMac]

I'm ashamed to say it, but when I was like 14 I went this route. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking in doing so, but I surely wasn't trying to kill myself. It was an attempt to lay guilt on the chick who broke up with me. I remember feeling that she caused me so much pain and there was nothing I could do to make her understand how shitty she left me feeling, and I figured that if I hurt myself I would cause her as much pain as she did to me through guilt. So cut the shit out of my wrist a few times with my pocket knife. However when I was done, I was so embarrassed that I never even told her about it. The only person who knew was this very close female friend of mine and she was so mad at me she quit talking to me for a while.

It's quite embarrassing looking back on it all.

 

[Sparky]

I used to do it. I don't know why but, Like Johnny Cash's song "Hurt" (I did it before I heard the song not because of) I did it just to see if I could still Feel anything. I get into moods where, I have no emotions at all. While I'm in one of those moods nothing could make me happy or upset. Because I was young and had no idea what to do I would grab a razorblade. It wouldn't hurt for a few hours until I snapped out of it.

I don't do it anymore and I know now that it's not the right thing to do, but I sort of sympathize with people that do it and feel bad for them and try to cheer them up. I find it hard to be happy but as long as everyone else around me is happy, I can feel if you get what I mean.

 

[Post]

I'm ashamed to say it, but when I was like 14 I went this route. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking in doing so, but I surely wasn't trying to kill myself. It was an attempt to lay guilt on the chick who broke up with me. I remember feeling that she caused me so much pain and there was nothing I could do to make her understand how shitty she left me feeling, and I figured that if I hurt myself I would cause her as much pain as she did to me through guilt. So cut the shit out of my wrist a few times with my pocket knife. However when I was done, I was so embarrassed that I never even told her about it. The only person who knew was this very close female friend of mine and she was so mad at me she quit talking to me for a while.

It's quite embarrassing looking back on it all.

I don't think you should feel ashamed by this at all. You were dealing with something very painful and difficult. You dealt with it the only way you could think of at the time.

I have never cut myself, but I have had friends that did. It is very sad to try and help someone in this position. The cutting is their only means of coping...

The only thing I could relate to self harm is drinking myself into a ridiculous stuper, on purpose, because I felt so bad and it was the only thing I could think of to make the pain go away...very unhealthy...and over a stupid girl that did me wrong.

Luckily, I lived and learned.

 

[Alex]

I get depressed quite a bit but I don't go hurting myself. It seems that many people do it to take their mind off what's making them depressed so they have pain to concentrate on. However I think they should try something more constructive other than hurting themselves. Whenever I get depressed I tend to listen to music, read or draw something. While they tend to mirror how I feel (depressing music, book, drawing) it sort of helps me transfer my depression onto what I'm doing so normally after a while I feel better.

 

[Dagger Dias]

I've never done any self harm myself, but I can see why others would do it. If television and movies portray it as something that depressed people are "supposed" or expected to do, then more depressed people will be likely to do it because then they might feel they are fulfilling society's expectations of them. It really sucks and I wish people would not do it. It does permanent damage to the body and is not mentally or emotionally healthy to do it either. I personally believe that anyone who resorts to these types of things just needs that one good friend who is there for them telling them "its going to be ok, you don't have to do this".

 

[Mac Attack]

I would never intentionally self harm myself. I think it has to do with my upbringing in that there is always light at then end of the tunnel. In the one instant that I have self harmed myself it was due to extreme frustration, and instead of taking my aggression on someone else I felt it would be better to hit a wall. Personally I try to avoid those who harm themselves because they seem to be a dimmer on the overall day. Now as for depressed people I have friends who can be however the truth is I prefer friends who aren't so down.

 

[#hamler]

I'm ashamed to say it, but when I was like 14 I went this route. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking in doing so, but I surely wasn't trying to kill myself. It was an attempt to lay guilt on the chick who broke up with me.

Dude, I did the exact same thing. Although our stories aren't completely the same, I know how you felt at the time. I was 16, and my current girlfriend wanted to end things. I often hung out with the wrong crowd and she didn't like it. So to keep her from ending things, I ,like you, chose to lay guilt to her in hopes she wouldn't end things. And the weird thing is, it worked.

But by no means, do I ever recommend doing this. There are other options out there. Talk to someone. Harming yourself, isn't the way to handle it. My girlfriend often brings it up and there's nothing I can do to make her forget that.

It's quite embarrassing looking back on it all.

I wasn't going to say anything until I read your post.

I found something quite interesting a while back. Instead of cutting or whatever the harm may be, wear a rubber band around the wrist. Everytime you feel the urge to cut, snap the rubber band. It hurts like fuck but is less harmful to your body. Just a tip to anyone who needs it.

 

[Hawkeye]

I could never do that. I know in my heart that deep down,I love myself more than anything else so when I get down like really down, I just put on my favorite outfit and look at myself in the mirror. That feeling of confidence I get from looking good, smelling good just makes me tingle. I'm always the cure to my ailments and it's a wonderful antidote to the poison of self hate.

 

[Xemmy]

I've always looked down on people that have done it. It's different from suicide, in the sense that suicide is the subconscious' idea of getting away from pain. Cutting yourself doesn't do that. Some people do it to get attention, and it's often difficult to separate them from people that use it to get some kind of rush. It bothers me how common it is too. I've known several friends that have done it, and it just makes me angry at them, even if I know it means there's something wrong, I can't help but lose my temper when I've talked to them about it. I know I shouldn't look down on people for it, but most of the time, the people I see doing it have very little to be depressed about.

 

[Cena's Little Helper]

I'd hypothesize that there are some people who see physical and emotional/mental pain as equivalent; that, is they are exchangeable (this is assuming that there is a finite amount of pain one can experience at a given time). So, for them, if they feel down, they can cut themselves and their mind will be taken off of the misery they'd otherwise feel.

Personally, if I was depressed and cut myself, I'd just end up feeling depressed with a huge-ass booboo.

 

[Serious Mozzarella]

I couldn't even begin to understand what could possibly be going through someone's mind when they make the decision to self-harm. I've been pretty down, man, so much so that I may have contemplated suicide. But I never understood the need to simply hurt yourself without going the distance. I think about it like this -- you're depressed, so you think about ways to end the suffering, whether it be drinking, or actually doing something about it -- but cutting and bruising yourself only adds to the pain.

I don't get it, man.

 

[LSN80]

In m line of work, Iv seen some pretty crazy things in my life when it comes to self-mutilation. Ive seen people with large scars down their wrist to people with knife cuts, recently stiched, on their neck, about as close to the juggular one can get without actually hitting it. In talking to these people about it, Ive generally gotten one of three, general responses.

The first, and most frequent, has been a cry for attention. About 80% of the people Ive dealt with who've cut have done so because they felt like they weren't being heard by significant others, whether it be family, friends, or a love interest. It's hard for me to comment on this one because while it's simply less painful in one way to just tell someone you feel neglected, what Ive heard far too often was how much easier it was to get someone to listen to them when they engaged in this behavior. To them, it was liberating, because they felt like they were finally being taken seriously, and not brushed off. I don't condone this in any fashion, but I can understand why a person who feels so ignored would do something to get attention they truly need.

The second reason is out of guilt. Ive seen people who have been living wth things they did that they hate themselves for, and they're "punishing" themselves as a result. The other type of guilt I've seen has been among the homosexual community. Ive seen several people who were raised in religious homes, and taught homosexuality is wrong and a sin. What Ive experienced in these situations is the person is hiding their sexual orientation out of fear of rejection, and feel guilty not only for hiding from who they truly are, but from "straying" from the beliefs they were raised with. Again, it's something I understand, but don't condone.

The final type of person Ive dealt with have been those who have truly been trying to kill themself. I met a guy one time who cut both sides of his throat and just missed hitting the juggular. He was so overwhelmed with life that he truly wanted to die, and simply grabbed a knife and cut. This is the hardest part for me because I know of several people who've been successful in repeated attempts, a few of which were my clients. Their lives had just become so unmanageable that they didn't want to live one time, anymore, and their wrists or neck were an easy option to them. Without going into detail, Ive seen more then one person dead from suicide via cutting less then an hour after they expired, and words can't express the heartbreak I felt.

For the latter scenario I described, Im not sure what would get someone to the point where they would feel that would be their only answer. There's always help, and a way out in my mind. I have empathy for all 3, even if I feel there are better ways of getting attention, dealing with guilt, or feelings of hopelessness. Ive seen enough people come out on the other side and live productve lives after feeling each way, and the first step is to talk. It's the most difficult step, often painful, but far less then the alternative.

 

[Uncle Phatso]

The farthest I've gone is branding myself Or cutting shapes into my fingers. I've never really done it out of wanting to harm myself, or to look "cooler" I just felt like doing it. I'll never really know the reason why.

I've on the other hand been in a mental health ward twice, both before I was 16. I've seen kids who really have no buisness being out in public. I've seen a roid freek who literaly tore off a door in rage in the ward. He was about 6'5 and around my weight, but he was so fucked up because of drugs and steroids that his parents put him in the facility. He was put on ur (unit restriction), and was told to go back to his room. He argued with the workers and was told to get to his room that he was now on Room restriction. He went back and one of the workers shut his door on him and he tackled through it.

I've seen basically another kid who had no buisness in there. I still feel bad for him to this day, his parents couldn't take him anymore because I'm guessing he had a mental issue. He was a great kid who just needed someone to talk to. A bit goofy like me, but he would set in the corner and cry all the time. All he needed was someone to talk to and he would be fine.

On to the self harm issue, I watched a girl come out of her room with red bleeding marks on her face. They had taken everything out of her room but the floor basically. She was a "danger to herself" And they put her in unit scrubs and set her in her room for allmost the whole day. She had rubbed the skin off of her face on the carpet because of somthing bothering her, in an attempt to get attention.

I didn't see this happen, but another member of the ward jumped one end of the bed hitting his sturnum on the other side cracking it. He was gone untill the day I left.

But the thing that saddend me the most, was this. One of the most Beautiful girls i've ever seen in my life was setting in that ward. She wouldn't talk for about the first three days that she was in there. She wore a sweater the whole time. On the fourth day we went for a swim, she had to wear a one piece suit. but you could see the scars all over her body/ She had literaly cut all the way up and down her arms and chest. He legs had burn marks and just discusting scars on them. It later turns out that she was raped by her step father and had been cutting since she was younger. She left about two days before I did, but they just slapped some depression meds with her like it was nothing.

I have simpathy for some of the people I was in there with. Because they did need help, but you can find ways out. People will lisiten to you, if any of my friends ever go through this I try my best to help. Because I've seen what this shit can do to you. It's terrible.

Sorry for the spelling errors and bad grammer.

 

[ShawnDiscipleSmith]

Heard of people getting addicted to the pain of getting a tattoo? Same principle. The rush of adrenaline and endorphins is like crack to a junkie. My cutter exgirlfriend and I have had many conversations on this topic.

 

[JWGunslinger]

I have been there as well, not by cutting myself as that wasnt something for me but drinking myself to near death. It actually began when a close personal friend of mine hung herself in her backyard. I then dealt with it the wrong way, telling myself that I was partially to blame because I felt I should have figured it out and stopped her, she had cut herself in the past but that was years before and we all thought that it was behind her. But I tortured my body hard liquor for about a year without anyone noticing, I couldnt go more than a day without getting drunk. Fortuantly a good friend of mine helped me out of it and I would never go back to that in a million years. I did learn alot from it and I wouldnt take it back either, it was a weak point in my life that made me stronger in the long run.