Redemption: Ricky Runn vs. Krypto - GRT Semi Finals

[Kermit]

And then there were four.

This is the dream that these four competitors have slaved over for the past 6 weeks - an opportunity to become the number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship at Redemption, despite the setbacks involved with the Gold Rush tournament.

All four men will be definitely bringing their "A" game as they not only have to go through their opponents but also the winner of the opposing match later on in the night, effectively needing to win two matches in one night to earn the golden opportunity. It is going to be a difficult task to pull off and only the strongest will survive.

Can Krypto finally get his hands on his first real championship opportunity and prove everybody why he is the ultimate underdog? Is Ricky's newfound lifestyle the key to reaching the top, teaching everybody how powerful swag truly is? Will the Beard finally remove the stigma of gimmick & tag team competitions as his forte? Or will the long-standing Blade be able to break through the glass ceiling and claim the throne he's always desired?

Deadline is Wednesday (October 2, 2013) at 11:59 P.M. Extensions available upon request.​

 

[GI Cake]

???:Welcome ladies, and gentlemen, boys and girls. This is your host, the man who needs no introduction, but fudge it here it goes. The Swagtastic voice of a generation, the man who has found inner swag, your host. The greatest, the freshest, the bestest. Rickyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn! and this is his new show. AMERICA'S GOT SWAG!"

The lights then flash brightly to reveal the dark room. It was an empty stage, on further examination, it is revealed to be a stage belonging to a High School. On the stage, Ricky was sitting at a table with himself in the middle, with on his right was none other than Sylvester Stallone, and on Ricky's left, was Randy Jackson. While the stadium was empty and the crowd was empty, there was a fair amount of people in a small line backstage. Ricky then continues shouting from the today.

Ricky:"Alright, the Swagtastic voice of a generation, the Sylvester Stallone, crowd control needs what every swagalicious OP beast dog needs. I need an entourage. That's right, a select few get to walk me out to Redemption to cheer me on."

Randy Jackson then looked over his shoulder and said to Ricky.

Randy Jackson: "So why am I here?"

Ricky Runn:"Let's be honest here, bro. Are you really doing anything else with your life? Let's face it, if you weren't doing this you would have been eating pizza in your apartment thinking back to your glory days. Now lets get our Swag on! First Contestant!"

Ricky sat there smiling waiting for the first contestant, nudging him and a rather disgruntled Randy Jackson's shoulder. Waiting for a few seconds and no one arrived. Ricky's hand hits his forehead and says one more time.

Ricky:"I said, first contestant!"

Once the attention was brought to the attention of the first contestant. A short homeless man came out to the stage, wearing an alien mask, and a dirty torn up Power Ranger costume appears on the stage. The foul smell that came off the short man made Stallone cover his noise and say in disgust.

Stallone:"Rabble tabble riassdg fgoras nom nom nom farg lough"

Randy looks over confused at Stallone's almost impossible speech and before he could ask what he said Ricky understood and followed up with.

Ricky:"The Italian Stallion is right, dear Jeebus you reek like you were swimming in a strip club dumpster. I'm gonna tell you right now, you're not winning any swag points with that stench. What makes you think you can walk me out in my crew of homey's?"

The creepy little man in the alien mask then spoke.

Ripto:"Well my super cool friend, I am Ripto. I am a man from out of this planet who is also a Power Ranger, I emulate whatever I see and I see everything. My friend, I can be just as Swag-mazing as you."

Ricky, tilted his head looking at the man, in hopes to repel the stench he placed on his sunglasses and said to the little creepy man

Ricky:"Listen here you little creep. You have absolutely no swag. Like none at all, you're a complete an utter void of swag. You know what you are? You're a poser, and posers like you are the worst. You take what you see, you think it's cool, fresh and do the exact same thing hoping to achieve what the people you photo copied achieved. The worst part is? You are the most rank ass thing I have ever seen? You're a Power Ranger alien? That isn't even plausible, like look at yourself, you reek of poser and you're just a mess. One week you're a alien, then the next you're a Power Ranger? What's next, are you going to grow a beard? Or start smoking and listen to Muse? All you are, and all you will ever be is whatever you see in front of you. Security, get this fool outta my sight, he's messing up my swag."

Ripto looks around fretting the incoming security, but after a few seconds no one shows up. Ricky groans.

Ricky:"Oh come on, even for a fake show I can't get any muscle to show up? Sly Fox, Dandy Randy, take him outta here."

Before Stallone and Jackson could get up from their table however, Police enter the gym and find Ripto and shout.

Police:"Johnny East! What are you doing? You're on the Sexual offenders list. You're nowhere allowed near a public school!"

Stallone:"Rsafdgjiasd gabble flabble?"

Police:"That's right Stallone, Ripto is a repeat offender and with the sudden rise of creepy alien homeless people committing sexual offenses we can't take the chance of letting guys like Ripto walk around. They're practically rapists I tell yeah."

Ricky then mutters.

Ricky:"Kinda reminds me of Krypto."

Police:"What was that?"

Ricky:"Oh nothing you came in the knick of time, get him!"

Ripto already begins to take off and the Officer follows after him. Once the two left the stage Ricky sighs and says to Randy.

Ricky:"You know what every entourage needs? A needs a poet, a rapper, a spit master. It needs someone who can pull out some lines and just shock the world. Mayweather had Lil'Wayne, and since Weezy keeps ignoring my swag lets hope the next guy can bring it. Next!"

???:"That Blade I am, that Blade I am, I do not like this Blade I am. do not like this Blade I am, I would not like him here or there, I do not like him anywhere!"

The voice of the rhymester turns out to be no other than Senator Ted Cruz.

Ricky:"Ah hell no, you can't be here!"

Ted Cruz:"Why not? Since the government is shut down, I have plenty of time off. I can rhyme as much you like about Blade. Please Ricky please?"

Ricky:"No way, dude. Get out of here you creepy old man.

Ted Cruz:"Thanks Obama!"

Ricky:"Ugh now Mr.Cruz has me thinking about Blade. Blade is the epitome of average. Just reaching the highest point possible before hitting the ground ever so hard to the younger, fresher talent. You know why he jokes, Sly?"

Stallone:"asfgfijvcsd frobble dobble, asefjgh drippy Spafs."

Ricky:"You got it Stallone, he chokes, because he smokes. Smoking isn't cool, and smoking doesn't win you bitches, or matches, and it doesn't make you cool. Unless you're like me of course and smoke to packs of swag a day!"

Stallone then simply nods while Ted Cruz then walks off the stage defeated. The next man to enter the stage is a large man, but what was more notable than his size, was the giant mustache that rested on his upper lip.

'Stache:"Howdy there feller, my folks from my ye old town call me the 'stache, and I be a straight shooter with you. I reckon nothing about this whole 'swag' thing you keep hollering about, but I know a shake or two about style, and honey this 'stache brings in all the ladies."

Randy Jackson:"You know dog, okay dog, so there's something I gotta say dog, and dog, I'm going be hitting hard with you dog, dog dog dog, did I mention that mustache dog? Damn dog, look at thing. What do you think, dog?"

Randy then looked over to Ricky who looked back after a short moment.

Ricky:"Oh dog? Were you talking to me? I was just so freaked out from that giant rat who's sleeping on that dude's face. That thing... that thing is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. What in the world is up with you freakishly large men with far too much testosterone deciding it's a good idea to grow out your facial hair? I mean that thing is so disgusting, I'm starting to think Krypto sleeps in it. You sit here, acting all high and mighty with your facial hair. It's just facial hair! Seriously, just because you can grow it doesn't mean you should let that thing reek and look disgusting. You're just like the Beard, and the only way that man ever became anything good wasn't for his obtuse jungle looking face, but because he's a monsterI doubt if you even armed me with a weed whacker I could trim that down to find swag in it. You're out! Dayum, where the hell am I suppose to find a posse, huh? What do you think Sly?"

Stallone:"asigdfjgh grabble rabble maoridsgjigfdgdasidgjfgh marbles."

Ricky:"Yeah, I suppose that is the only thing left I could do.... okay the last three people in line, you're in! Walk on up!"


The 'Stache walks off with a defeated look on his face, before the next three people walked up to Ricky. With a teddy bear in hand, Joe Mason stood before Ricky, then next to him stood Donny J, who was carrying two handfuls of liquor, and then the sound of the Earth shaking followed them, then Hovering over them Hollywood Jameson stood large and in charge. Causing Ricky to say.

Ricky:"Well hamburgers.... this is quite possibly the worst, or the best posse in the world. You guys have one job, and I think it's a job you three can do well. This job is making sure I look good. Got it? I'm the main star at Redemption, I'm the main event, and if I'm not the main event at Redemption I'll be the main event at the next pay per view.You three are the worst sad sacks I have ever seen, but you all will do just fine making me look better than Krypto, Blade, and the Beard. Got it? This is the biggest night of my career, I need to turn my swag on to 11. You know what I am saying? 11, not 3, not 4, not 5, but 11. If it isn't at 11 I'm gonna ball in the D-League again. I can't be balling in the D-League again, no one there speaks Swaghili but me there. It's dreadful. At Redemption. Raters are gonna Rate. At Redemption, I'm gonna strike gold. At Redemption, my swag is going to block out the sun!"

 

[FlexAmerican Dynamite]

The Khronicles of Krypto

I will always be me, and that’s why I will always be free​

WZCW’s resident alien Krypto can be seen inside Missy’s apartment on her laptop watching a Youtube clip of the controversial artist known as Miley Cyrus. As he watches the young woman’s risqué new attitude release itself on stage he can’t help but look at the younger, more innocent looking, friendlier version of the pop singer as old episodes of Hannah Montana play on the Netflix application of Missy’s smart TV. The extraterrestrial can’t help but notice the difference hair color, amount of clothing, strange hip gyrations almost similar to one Alhazred, younger Miley’s lack of tongue flailing. Krypto then opens up a new tab on his browser and compares two images of his upcoming opponent Ricky Runn

Spoiler

Krypto: Such a short amount of time yet such a significant difference. Can a year really cause such a ripple effect in this world?

The alien continues his observations very intensely and after what seems like forever is eventually noticed by Missy returning home from running errands.

Missy: Are you okay? You’ve been staring at these pictures and watching Hannah Montana since I left.

Krypto: What do Miley Cyrus, Blade, Beard, and Ricky Runn all have in common?

Missy: Their nationality?

Krypto: While true that wasn’t what I was getting at, it’s that they all have had a significant personality change over the last year all coinciding with this Gold Rush Tournament.

Missy: While you have a point about Ricky the Beard nor Blade has changed all that much.

Krypto: But they have and I find it really perplexing. I mean I know the coveted artifact known as the World Championship seemingly has the power to make everyone desire it but until Ascension I’ve never been close enough to the contenders to actually see its effects up close.

Missy: I don’t think it’s as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be, all four of you are clamoring for the same prize that comes few and far between the wrestlers in WZCW.

Krypto: Just please listen, I had not yet landed in this world back when Blade was in his thing you humans call “hay day” so I’m not qualified to question his change from destiny obsessed madman to thieving anti-hero but it just doesn’t seem real to me. I downloaded, acquired, and have been listening to the sound bites better known to humans as promos from one Titus and it’s almost reminiscent of his quarrel with Chris K.O. I just don’t buy that this attitude change has coincided with this possible sudden jump to the top of the tournament.

Missy: Krypto there’s nothing wrong with being critical of upcoming opponents but analyzing every past mistake a person made makes you no better than the people who overlooked and underestimated you back in your early days on Earth.

Krypto: But it’s not just him, Beard is a very good friend of mine or at least I thought that until our tag match at Ascension. I realize I may not be as close to him as his former partners Masked Gentlemen and Local Talent but during my saga with Alhazred I considered him an ally. Ever since he became this planet’s Manliest Man he’s just become more vicious and vicious. Not to mention that questionable tactic in his match against Cooper.

Missy: Look forget about them, they shouldn’t be your priority. It’s Ricky you’re facing first.

Krypto: But that’s the most peculiar human characteristic change of them all, a year ago at Redemption, Runn was defeating his former mentor and was looking to move onto bigger and better things. However, something along the way has changed him, turned him into what he is now. I never truly realized it until Ascension but Backstage Bob was correct, the guy is just what you humans call a jerk, and after all his time of being such a nice guy I don't understand why.

Missy: People change Krypto, it’s just the way things are.


Krypto: Well things don’t always to be that way. I’m a perfect example of things on this planet not always having to be the status quo.

Missy: Well did you ever think Ricky, Beard, and Blade changed because they didn’t want things to keep being the same?

Krypto: Blade wants to finally obtain the prize that has eluded him for years, Beard wants to be taken seriously as a singles competitor, and Ricky…..Ricky just wanted to stop losing. After overcoming Austin Reynolds he failed to make the step to that next level, he failed to win the Mayhem title, he failed to help out Strikeforce in War Games, and now he thinks adopting the attitude of humans who are spew belligerent nonsense will garner him success. The worst part of it is that it has, he’s been on fire and I just don’t understand why people on this planet who do bad things are seemingly rewarded with opportunities such as this. I understand losing can be frustrating, I understand staying in limbo doing nothing can be time wasting but that has never been the case Ricky. Ricky has been groomed to be the future of this company even before he changed his ways and even if I somehow beat him at Redemption he will still no doubt continue rising up. Even in his state of mind people will still accept him as a World champion more than they will me, which is why I don’t understand why he’s doing this.

Missy: Krypto what’s this really about, a couple days ago you couldn’t care less about Runn and now you’re extremely passionate about being saving grace? Bullshit, what’s really eating away at you?

The alien’s demeanor changes, his preachy, confident speech is stopped dead cold in its tracks by the school girl’s question. He is reluctant to answer but after a few deep breaths and long blinks of his big green eyes he musters up the will to turn back to his significant other and share his true feelings.

Krypto: Since I’ve come to this planet, just over a year ago, all I wanted to do was fit in and be accepted. Back then even the fans weren’t sure what to think of me but I fought, I picked up scraps, I took every hit and joke people threw at me on the chin but still kept going. They said I wouldn’t last, they said I was a cheap novelty, when they told me to go back to a place where I belonged called All Stars I told them I had already traveled to all the stars but I like this planet the best they just gave me strange looks and sneers. But even after defeat and defeat I never gave up, and with Chuck Myles idea for a Mentorship Program, the guidance of Saxton and Saboteur whenever they could be bothered to do so, and adulation I eventually received from the fans due to hard work I became one of the best rookies that year. But that wasn’t quite enough. Even after beating out all of them humans from management still claimed all I was good for was a cheap merchandise sale hi-fiving humans.

Missy: Krypto you know that’s not true.

Krypto: Of course I do, but when it starts being consistently said by everyone around you that only good for one thing when you want to achieve more you start believing that you can only accomplish that one small thing. Ever since Kingdome Come I’ve tried to pretend that what people say about me don’t matter, that their words can’t hurt me, that I like being the Ultimate Underdog and least expected winner but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I want to be everyone’s favorite to win so bad. I just don’t want the fans to accept me I want Big Dave, Chuck Myles, even ole Vance Bateman to one day come to me ask to do some promotional event, to be on some poster humans around the world will see, to be advertised as a name everyone will watch. But I hid these feelings inside because I knew what I was becoming selfish and self-centered but I see Showtime Cougar, I see Titus, I see the praise and honor they receive and I decide I want that too. I want to be just like all the other humans and jump to that next level but even now after getting this far in the tournament and being so close to winning it all people still don’t think I can make it to that level. I know this is my one shot, even if Blade, Beard, or Ricky don’t win they’re almost destined to receive another shot in the future but me? No I was never supposed make it this far, I was never even supposed to make it a year.

Missy: But don’t you realize that alone is an accomplishment! Regardless of it you lose now and leave the planet nobody can ever take away the fact that you got this far in an environment completely foreign to you and designed for you to fail. Last year you were losing to guys like Darren Bull and Angel, now you have a legitimate chance to earn an opportunity at the World Title. You started from nothing and gained everything you have through your own means and hard work, you don’t have anything to prove to anyone anymore.

Krypto: But I want to prove them wrong. I want all of their bias hypothesis to be shoved right back down their throats. I want to do what nobody thinks I can, I want to accomplish the highest possible form of success on the planet by homeland thought I was a fool for attempting to inhabit. I need to know even if I never actually win the belt that I could beat two men in one night and gain something other competitors would kill for. I know I started straight from the end of the metaphor you humans call a totem pole which is why it makes me so angry that people like Ricky feel they need the change something about themselves just because they feel they weren’t relevant or important enough.

Missy: Is that you think he’s just like Miley Cyrus?

Krypto: Exactly, Miley was popular back when her television show was a hit but then she faded away and fell under the radar just like Runn. Then she needed to do something so outlandish and ridiculous that the spotlight couldn’t escape her, just like Runn. I want to win this tournament, I want it with all of my heart, but if turning into something like Ricky and changing my personality to a point where I don’t even recognize myself then I’m content with knowing this is it. I fully do plan to teach Runn the error of his ways but if this is the closest I’ll ever get to facing guys like Barbosa and Showtime then so be it. Like you said Missy nobody can ever take away from me what I accomplished in the last year.

Missy then gives Krypto a little peck on the lips.

Missy: I’m glad you got your true feelings out there Krypto, holding in all that anger and regret can lead to bad things.

Krypto: That actually reminds me of something.

The extraterrestrial kneels behind the kitchen counter and scavenges through some cabinets and pulls out a medium sized pink box.

Krypto: I know not all the humans accept me here on Earth but you’ve been the only one to consistently help me through my problems, deal with my faults, let me live in your wonderful apartment, stand by my side when you could have been with Alhazred, and generally have just been the best human girlfriend a foreign alien could have. I know we haven’t been together very long and our relationship isn’t exactly natural or easy to explain to one’s parents yet you’ve accepted that and done it anyway. Regardless of what happens at Redemption, whatever the outcome may be I want to know the true prize I’ll be winning is your heart and companionship.

The alien clears his throat and gets down on one knee, and then opens up the pink box to reveal a diamond engagement ring.

Krypto: Will you marry me?

The school girl’s jaw drops, the look shock on her face is unrivaled even by the mightiest of WZCW fans witnessing the unexpected return of their favorite superstar.

Krypto: So, will you?

Missy: I….this is…Krypto, don't you think this is a bit sudden?

Krypto: I realize that this is out of nowhere but just like my success in this tournament, my sudden jump to the list of possible world title contenders, spontaneous things can lead to wonderful outcomes.

Missy: Are you sure you understand the concept of marriage?

Krypto: As much as your planet's sitcoms like Modern Family and Married with Children have been able to. I realize it will be hard to accommodate and it's all not fun and games but I love you Missy, and I want the world to know it.

Missy: Then.....yes.....yes Krypto I'll marry you.

The alien leaps from his knee into Missy’s arms and delivers a weird, slobbery, yet sentimental kiss that is followed by the two sharing in a deep warm embrace.