Protecting Secrets/Lying: Is It Really Worth It In The End?

[Mitch Henessey]

We all have certain things about our lives we don't want other people to know. There are just some deep or dark secrets we will go to extraordinary lengths to protect, because we are either ashamed of the secret or we are terrified of how other people will react if the secret becomes known. But in the end, is it really worth it? Is it worth all of the stress and strain to constantly protect something that will eventually become known? Because let's face it, no matter how hard you try, the truth will come out sooner or later.

I used to be the type of person to try and protect certain stuff I didn't want other people to know about me, but as I became older, I started to realize it's just not worth it in the end. You're just going to end up pissing yourself off, certain friends or family members will eventually become suspicious after a while, and no matter how hard you try.....they are going to catch you sooner or later. It may take them a month, it may take them a year, it could even take them a decade, but the truth is eventually going to come out. And in the end, you're going to be the one who suffers the most.

The same thing can be said about lying. Now of course we all might tell little white lies that won't have any huge repercussions. For example, you might have dinner at a family members house. The food might taste like shit, but you'll lie and say "It was good" because you don't want to hurt their feelings. Or if you have a girlfriend, she might ask you if she looks fat in a certain dress. No of course most guys will probably give a resounding "No", and again this is done because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Then again, there are some people who will just tell it like it is. Some people appreciate the honesty, but others might look at this type of attitude as a way of being mean.

Then there are lies that can come back to bite you. When I was younger, I had a bad habit of keeping my report cards and interim reports from my parents. I did this because I pretty much always received bad grades, and I knew my parents would go ballistic if they found out. Well, I hid the report cards and interim reports for years, and of course, my parents found out about it 90% of the time. And every time they found out about it, they were extremely pissed. Again, you can't hide forever, someone will discover the truth eventually.

Is it really worth it to protect secrets? Is it really worth it to lie about stuff that can come back and bite you?

Also, please DO NOT share any secrets or lies if you don't want to or if you don't feel comfortable sharing them.

 

[Phoenix]

From my personal experience of people judging you immediately on first impressions or on certain elements about you, it sometimes makes it harder to feel honest about certains aspects of your life and history, it's only when you get older that people become less judging because they actually realise what you have now is different from what you were back then, you might have a bad history but look at the way you are now. I think everyone is entitled to keeping a secret that's dear to them because sometimes certain things you don't want to be reminded of, naturally placing emphasis on keeping that secret only exasperates the problem rather than subsiding it.

For me personally, I haven't really got any shameful secrets to bare, in fact the only time I revealed a shameful secret, while it was relieving to get it off because hiding it was so stressing, it ended up biting me on the ass, only because while I told the truth, I was outcasted by a lie, since then karma has played a role and I'm no longer an outcast because I never lied on the situation.

Looking back at certain things, in particular holding secrets and lies, I've realised that for the most part, it didn't seem to matter as people knew what was being hidden, especially when you play it out longer, your own personal secrets, I think you're entitled to keep the odd one or two because we all have that. But I think it doesn't remain a secret when you tell the odd person or two and tell them "Don't tell anyone" I mean, you have to burden someone else's lies and secrets on top of your own, that's when you have to draw the line. One person I knew in particular was very trusting to me and there are secrets she has never told anyone (to my knowledge) and nothing's left a word of my mouth, only to discover a month later that the same secret has been told to other people and it's awkward because you felt trusted to keep a secret only more people know and that's why I think that aspect of keeping someone else's secret and lies are not worth it, if you're told them, someone else is bound to know.

I think my post has got a bit jumbled in the mix, but to sum up, I think certain aspects of your life you might be ashamed of people knowing, especially as to how judging people are at times, you are entitled to keep a secret and you might find a point where you might come to terms with it, effectively keeping the secret is trying to protect yourself or hide away from a problem that's still bugging you, it's basically not worth in the end, but at the time it is. For keeping other people's secrets, again in the moment it is worth it, but you realise it's not. In the end, you deal with certain things in time and keeping the secret is not to burden it on others.

 

[Soapguy]

I think you make a really great point, Mitch. Honestly, my level of transparency depends on the level of the relationship I have with the person. If we're close or I feel we're going to become close then I'll make sure that you know about every skeleton that's stacked in the ole' closet. Because, like you said, that stuff normally comes out eventually and I'd much rather a person I'm close to hear whatever secret from me.

With that being said, I've spent a good portion of my life being a goodie-two shoes. Not in the sense that I've been anally moral, but I was extremely introverted the first 16-18 years of my life, so that limited the amount of life experiences I had the opportunity of having. Honestly, all of the questionable content in my life as appeared in the last three years. . . so my feelings may change as my closet gathers more skeletons, but I'm hoping I'll still be the open book that I am now.

 

[Cena's Little Helper]

If you've done something wrong (i.e., if you've done something that has had adverse consequences for someone else besides yourself), then it's probably best to not keep it a secret, as you'll probably get caught or your conscience will eat away at you forever.

However, if you've done something wrong and have already made amends for it, then that's honestly no one else's business unless you choose to make it theirs. One of the most egregious examples of someone unnecessarily invading your privacy is the credit check some corporations (and the federal government) make you undergo before hiring you. What purpose does this serve? The most oft-cited reason is that poor credit makes you vulnerable, and thus makes you more susceptible to disclosing work-related, confidential information to the wrong people.

This is probably the dumbest reason I have ever heard, and is probably a policy that had been adopted because of one significant case.

Ultimately then, if you've done something wrong and want peace of mind, then it's best for you to confess. If you've done something wrong and have done the time for the crime, then you shouldn't feel any guilt whatsoever about keeping this information from people.