Opinions on Online Relationships

[The Doctor]

Hello, all. What are your opinions on online dating?

Personally, I am 100% for it. I have had two proper relationships in my life, and they have both been online. One of them lasted for six months.

You could say that because you haven't met the person, you have no idea if they're telling the truth or not, but I disagree. It is a lot harder to fake an online persona than you would think. Another argument against it is that there is a lack of intimacy because there is no physical contact, but I disagree with that as well.

You learn much more about a person online than you would by meeting them in real life first. Looks don't get in the way of whether or not you talk to the person. I know people say "looks don't matter" but that isn't true. People always judge each other on how they look, whether they do it consciously or not. With the internet, that doesn't get in the way. You can learn so much about a person by chatting with them. I find it easier to talk on the internet than in real life, and many people feel the same way. There is in fact MORE intimacy over the internet than there is in real life, just not of the physical kind.

The internet is a great way to meet people who have similar interests. It's so much easier to talk to a member of the opposite sex if you have something in common with them. My previous girlfriend and I met on the internet through a message board about a certain videogame and it grew from there. We talked as much as possible over MSN. I lived in Italy at the time so we were constantly juggling times in order to make it happen, but we did.

I can't get a date in real life. I'm always the kid who's just a friend, or the funny kid, but I have never been seen as dating material. This is why the internet was such a godsend for me. People saw who I truly was, and could view the real me, without appearance and first impressions getting in the way.

And emotions can be felt just as strongly over the internet as in real life. When my first online girlfriend broke up with me, I was devastated. I was depressed for two months because I really loved her. My second break-up wasn't as sudden, but it still sucked beyond belief. Emotions are just as powerful over the internet as they are in real life, whether it be love, joy, sadness, or anger. There are still people on either side. (This is why I get so angry when someone like Ellis says "INTERNETS SRS BSNS")

I am totally for internet dating. It's better than the traditional way, and I think it could be the way of the future.

What are your opinions on this?

 

[HBK-aholic]

I think you can have very strong feelings for someone you've never met, maybe even love if it's the 2 right people. I don't see why you couldn't have feelings for them, after all, the only thing missing is the physical contact, and I don't think that defies a relationship in any sense. You can have feelings for someone without having a physical relationship, and I think that's important to remember.

The problem is when it starts to become upsetting. When you have really strong feelings for someone you can't see, or be with. When you can't have their arms wrapped around you when that's all you want, when you know you can't take hold of their hand, or be with them when you get lonely. It can be heartbreaking, whether you believe people can be in love over the internet or not.

 

[X]

I can't imagine what anyone would have against online dating honestly. It doesn't hurt anyone, and the only people who will rag on you about it are assholes and douchebags.

I too was involved in an "online relationship" many years ago, and even after the few real relationships I've had, it's still one of the fondest memories I have. Initially we met in an AOL chat room, and from there we just talked every day all the time for years, from when I was 12 to when I was nearly 16. We talked on the phone constantly, and were very intimate with each other (she introduced me to phone sex, and MAN I was on the phone constantly from then on! ) and I consider my feelings for her to be just as real as any of the other girlfriends I've had in my life. I still talk to her occasionally (I'm trying to talk to her more often but she's always working, and I'm always busy being a lazy prick) and we consider each other to be great, great friends. I can't tell you how much our relationship meant to me. When you're 13, 14 years old, your life changes radically. You realize childhood is over and that you've begun that strange and wild journey into life. She was always there to talk to me, and I was always there for her. Finally, after nearly 4-5 years of knowing each other, we met face-to-face, and I can tell you it was one of the greatest moments of my life. We never left the hotel room. We didn't need to do. Eventually the relationship came to an end after we both began to move on a bit and after I began getting into serious trouble with the law in real life, but to this day I still consider our relationship to be one of the highlights of my life.

Basically, online relationships are a-okay, and anyone who has a problem with them is an asshole, plain and simple. In all likelihood I'd be fucking dead in a ditch somewhere without that relationship.

 

[JenovasWitness]

Whatever floats your boat, really. It's not for me as I adore holding my woman close and kissing her good night, but if this sort of relationship fills you up emotionally and satisfies your want for companionship, go right ahead.

One of my best friend's online relationship of 5 years turned into a real life thing when his online gf moved to our city and they have been inseparable since for about 3 years now. Living proof that the online deal works!

 

[Dave]

Yeah, I see no reason as to why two people who care for each other cannot date. It makes no logical sense to argue against it. I haven't did any online dating but people see it as being better for them and this way the bias that comes with looks are not involved. Also, it is easier for the person to be the true them online because you can say whatever you like without fear of repercussions or hate. I can't see myself dating online at any point but that's not to say that I don't approve of it.

Personally, I prefer to go out and meet women and get to know them in person but that's just me. Plus, the last relationship I had, all we ever did was cuddle. I am a world class cuddler by the way. I would miss that if I couldn't get to hold the person that I am with. I guess that's why I don't internet date.

 

[Loveless]

I think it's incredibly easy to play the cool kid and just dismiss it as a joke, especially if it's not something you've experienced.
I met the love of my life through the pc 6 years ago and no-one I've met before or since comes close to the connection I have with her. That relationship was forged through just being there for each other, night after night we'd get home from work and talk for hours on end about whatever crap is going on until the very early hours.
There are some definite benefits of speaking through a pc, it forces communication, discussion and allows you time to think through what you really want to say. There are unfortunately some heavy negatives that go alongside that though. The lack of closeness can really be a killer sometimes. It's horrible knowing the person you love is crying and there's nothing you can do it about it, as Becca mentioned. We have spent some time together recently and there's no noticable difference between online and the real world. First time we met was funny, no introductions, awkward silences or anything else, just "Right, where are we going then" and then about 20 minutes later "Don't think I've introduced myself, I'm ..."

 

[Razor]

I couldn't give less of a shit if you have a relationship with someone that is exclusively online. I may make a few jokes about conversing with old, greasy men in skirts and pigtails, but that's me joking around. As my brothers in the WZnWo would know.

I myself have some pretty strong friendships on here, these forums. Xfear is my buddy, and I did feel sorta bad when I came down on him as mean as I did when he told me how many drugs he took the other night. He took a lot of shit, and I was rather mean. If I haven't apologized yet X, here it is.

Along with Xfear is 48, who is a awesome dude. I respect fromthesouth as that one Conservative you disagree with on practically every issue, but you still get along with and joke around all the time with. Tenta is just as cool, and I look at many others in the wrestling sections and Bar Room as friends. At least, people who don't deserve to be shit on by posters that think they have big e-penises. Like that one dude in the Raw LD who jumped all over Steve. I made sure he knew that isn't his place.

If I can feel like that for people on these forums and truly think of them as buds, then why can't someone else think of relationships they start elsewhere as serious? I don't see why not. More power to you and your internet relationships. In many ways they can be more open than one on one, physical relationships. Get at 'er.

 

[Dexter]

I've been in a couple of serious online relationships in the past, and while I'd say it can certainly be a good thing, I'd advise caution. Lots and lots of caution.

While I absolutely believe that someone can find real love online, even with someone they haven't met in person, I also know from experience that doing so can be the hardest thing you'll ever do. I don't mean it's hard as in difficult to accomplish, I mean it's hard as in emotionally painful. If you've never been in the position of wanting absolutely nothing more in the world than just to touch someone's face, and being physically incapable of doing so because of distance and circumstances... it's not something I'd recommend.

Ultimately, they call it "falling" in love for a reason. You don't fall on purpose. It just happens. But it's not something I'd recommend anyone go out and TRY to do with someone online.

 

[HereComesThePain101]

like they said whatever floats your boat.

i knew a guy who had a online relationship and he seemed to like her just as much he liked his former girlfriends at school. frankly i see nothing wrong with it. however you have to be careful that it doesn't turn out to be a 40 year old pervert.

 

[jmt225]

While I certainly do not look down upon those who have online relationships, I, personally, do not see the point in them.

Sure, I've had a couple of crushes on about 2 great ladies I've been able to meet on the internet these past few years, but I would never even think about crossing that line and try and pursue any kind of relationship with them past friendship. For one, I actually like their friendship and enjoy my conversations with them, so to risk that over some silly crush would be beyond stupid, especially when I know neither would ever go for it. But most importantly, both are far away (albeit in the same country, but no where near my homestate), so if we did start that kind of relationship over the 'net, it would be an extremely hard task just to meet them. And I don't want to be in love with someone I can't see in person regularly. It's hard enough being in a relationship with someone you love period, but when they're in another state and you've never even met them in person? That would just be impossible for me.

But for those who can handle it, more power to you and I hope it all works out the way you want it to.

 

[Sasori]

There o.k I guess. It's just the distance kills. I've had one before, it was good the first 2 months but than all of the sudden the distance started caving in and text messaging, IMing, web camming, and talking on the phone just ain't enough. But I guess it pays off some times like in your case Doc.

 

[CH David]

I can't get a date in real life. I'm always the kid who's just a friend, or the funny kid, but I have never been seen as dating material. This is why the internet was such a godsend for me. People saw who I truly was, and could view the real me, without appearance and first impressions getting in the way.

This is me man. All the time, I get told that I am a real funny guy, or that I am seen as just a friend. Frankly I get pissed off when I hear it now.

But for the thread itself, 100% agree. I have had one very serious online venture, we both got to know each other really well, and both fell very hard for each other. Mind you this is recent too. But the distance is too much of a killer for it. I don't have time with work right now and school coming up, to drive 1 1/2 hours to see her. I wish I did, because she is simply awesome. But due to the distance (and both of us not having a car) she has a boyfriend, but she still loves me. Needless to say I am down and not liking it at all, I just wish I had a car so I could see her. May be my fault that I can't see her, but the feelings are still the same.

 

[Tenta]

First and foremost, Doc, I'd definitely hope that you grow in self esteem, buddy. You're a good guy, and there's no reason to believe you can't get a date in real life, man. You're a good man, and you aren't that bad a looker, man.

Now then, onto the topic at hand, I find it perfectly fine to do online dating. I mean, what does it really hurt? The intimacy of a relationship? Just because you're not getting "physical" per se, means that there isn't any intimacy in the matter. Intimacy can be breed through general closeness, either in physicality, mentality, or spirituality. And I'm of the belief that the physicality and spirituality, everything else becomes null and void. It's all a matter of preference, and there's problem to it. I don't want to stretch out this thread more so than I have to, but it's similar to gays marrying... Whatever floats your boat is fine by me. All you can do, if you're not in that same position, is to try and put yourself in a similar position, and empathize with the parties involved. I'm completely supportive of it, and can completely see myself involved in one of these online dealies. Simply put, expressing intimacy comes in different manners, and it's all your choice as to how you express it. Good thread, Doc

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Nothing wrong with it at all, its just "different" so people will give you shit about it. I figure within the next decade, online dating will be just as regular and common a way to meet people as out in bars or clubs or whatever. I look at it as being pretty much the same. How much more do you know about a total stranger when you meet them in person that you do if you met them online? Nothing, its the same. People put on a front over the comp? yea, well, people in real life do too when you meet them at first. So, so what.

Keep in mind, I mean meeting people off of online, not relationships that are entirely comprised of online socializing. I mean just talking to people, then setting up real life cnnection. Its hard for me to belive that real feelings can pass such a plateu off of somone you have never actually met, touched, been around. Im not saying that SOME felings can dvelop, but like I said, only to a certain extent, IMO. Im mean and not very romantic though, so dont let me get ya down kiddos

 

[Kenny Powers]

I believe it's a more comfortable way for people to socialize and meet. However, its definitely a better idea to find someone local then to go to Canada to meet them. My friend and I went to Canada for some french fries and gravy, and for him to meet his love interest of 2 years. Once he got there things were fine. After he left, everything blew up in his face. I think it's fine to have relationships online, but if you have an affair locally then you can deal with it. If you have an affair overseas or in another country it won't turn out as well for numerous reasons.

 

[Phoenix]

I've been one person who''s never truly been behind online dating, just I have tried it and I even met the two girls I've had my online experiences with. Unfortunately my experiences seemed to have someone in our real life accuring when we met. When I met one girl for the first time, she had a shit relationship with a bf and wanted to cheat on him with me, I wasn't for it. The second time we met, I just only recently got into a new relationship, so it made maintaining the online dating abit stale and eventually I got tired of the place I met them through and left the forum.

I think the one thing that online dating has taught me was how to build my confidence up, strangely I feel a new person comes out in me that I can't portray in real life, maybe because I'm seen as the goodie friend and have a good image, that the online side of things gives me a chance to be someone I could be but get denied to be.

But I think that you have that something missing online and I think that's the proper interaction, not to mention body language which plays a key role for relationships. In short I think the internet is useful to anyone who wants to use it, but I'm still not fully convinced on online dating whilst things like msn, etc have helped maintain my relationships formed outside the net, it's hypocritical I know!

 

[Lancer]

I'll give a personal story...I met this girl on one of those personal phone chat line things (yes, I tried it...I was bored one night)...and we immediately connected, became Myspace friends, and exchanged phone numbers within the same day. This is more of a long-distance thing than an online type of thing, so sorry to drift off topic...

Anyway, we talked pretty much every day, fell hard for each other, etc. etc. We never got the chance to meet and fell completely out of contact after I got deployed to Iraq. Well, a few months from returning home, I get a phone call out of the blue from...guess who, her. After about 2 years of not hearing anything from her.

We immediately fell for each other all over again. This was nearly two years ago and we still keep in touch today. We have attempted to meet a few times, but schedules and distance do not permit...she lives around 3 hours away from me. Now, I think we have moved past the gaa-gaa, goo-goo "I like you" stages to something more along the lines of "You're a good friend, and we have a deep connection, and when we meet I will f**k you silly" stages.

So here's my point in all this. I think it is awesome to have that profound of an impact on someone to where they call you out of the blue after nearly two years of silence. I had to have done something to have her remember me. And when we reconnected, it was like we had never disconnected at all. Now, I consider her someone I truly, deeply care about..despite never having the opportunity to meet her.

And, yes, sometimes that eats me alive. But I believe in fate and karma like no other...so if it ever turns out to where we meet and progress our relationship, great. I just know I will most definitely have a friend for life and someone I can share a personal connection with, because there are only so many you can afford in life.

So branch out. Make as many connections as you can...because sometimes you will have those lonely nights where a friend will call you out of nowhere just to see how you're doing, and you will feel blessed.