The Mark of Zur-En-Arrh
Tell me what's on ur so called mind
So, there's about 3 or 4 up and coming movies that i have watched in the last 2 weeks and i gotta say, half of them ain't great.
SAW V: Now, a lot of people have bitched and moaned that the latest SAW sucked because A) it was just gore with no story, B) there was no surprise twist despite the tagline 'You won't believe how it ends....' and C) because they didn't appreciate Costas Mandylor's acting.
In response
A) The focus, as usual, is supposed to be on the story of Jigsaw and mission, not the assbandits in the traps, B) there was indeed a twist, anyone who honestly saw the ending coming either read the script or is lying, and C) I didn't see any problems with Costas at all. The role never had a scene where he had to show off his full range of acting skills, he basically played the part EXACTLY the same way he did in SAW IV, but he was on screen a LOT more, so maybe that's why people are complaining, because the central character was in it too much.
I won't ruin anything for anybody, except there obviously will be a SAW VI as Afro-Ameri Spawn has reported, and there are things left unfinished for them to address in the final chapter. Think back to when you watched SAW II.... Did you like it or hate it?..... Well, either way, SAW V is slightly better. Therefore, i submit that SAW II is STILL the worst SAW film, with SAW V just above it.
Burn After Reading
My girlfriend and i saw this last night. She found it hilarious and i admit it made me chuckle as well (it's just not my kind of humour). Unfortunately, the two best actors in the whole film ie John Malkovich and Brad Pitt never really get to really show off their skills. Literally, the only JM film i've seen is 'Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy' and yes i know, he's in it for 5 minutes and does nothing. Well in this he's in it for the majority and still does nothing. Brad Pitt's character could have been played by anyone. When he read the script he probably thought 'wow, what a cake walk' immediately. I was however impressed by George Clooney. Much like Francine Smith, i wanna cut the guy's head off, but he was actually great in this movie. Decent story, had a few laughs, but The Big Lebowski is still my fave Coen Bros movie.
Max Payne
FUCKING SHIT!!!!!
If you've never played Max Payne, and have no idea about the premise of Max Payne, by all means check it out and maybe you'll enjoy it. If you HAVE played Max Payne, you'll realise that there are only 5 things that make it acceptable to actually call this film Max Payne
1. The names and only the names of the characters
2. It's set in New York
3. It snows the WHOLE time
4. He suffers the same personal tragedy and is haunted by it (won't explain in case people don't know)
5. There is one scene with 'bullet time in it' but since the game came out before 'The Matrix' did, it's nothing special some 7 or 8 years later .
Mark Wahlberg does the character justice. It's still nothing like Max Payne, but because they didn't write the character to do what the character fuckin does in the game, you can't blame Mark, much like you can't blame Tommy Lee Jones for his god awful depiction of Two Face in Batman Forever, because hey, Schumacher wrote the character that way (the twat).
I did laugh out loud when i read that Mila Kunis was going to play Mona Sax, but i swear to god the character is made to be so pointless and trivial that she may as well have been played by someone from catering. She literally just turns up now and again and Max fills her in on what she's missed. Big-fuckin-whoop.
Quarantine
Well i watched the original [rec] and that was diabolical, and then i streamed Quarantine, the American re-make and it was essentially exactly the same in every detail that i stopped 1/3 of the way through. There is just SOOOOO many plot holes and impossibilities that it is shocking. I have to put a spoiler in to explain my point. The fire team enter the building with the film crew right? They go upstairs, there's an altercation, they come back downstairs and then suddenly the building has been sealed by a swat team which nobody notices until they try to leave, despite the fact that 80% of the residents are stood in the fucking lobby, and that all occurs within 15 minutes.
HOW CAN YOU SEAL OFF AN APARTMENT BUILDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, IN 15 MINUTES WITHOUT ANYONE EITHER INSIDE OR OUT NOTICING YOU DO IT?!?!?!??!? For christ's sake, you'd have to stand outside with a megaphone explaining to the public why you've just shut off part of a main road for starters.
Things like this happen in near enough EVERY scene of this movie and they get progressivley worse. Being a wrasslin' fan i can suspend my disbelief, but this film wants you to remove a large portion of your brain. Watch this if you want to see a terrible horror movie. It's the second Blair Witch style movie about zombies that's sucked major ass that i've seen. I shan't make the same mistake again.
Feel free to comment, if you've seen any of these movies, if you wanna disagree, and please feel free to thank me for preventing you from wasting 2 hours of your life.
SAW V: Now, a lot of people have bitched and moaned that the latest SAW sucked because A) it was just gore with no story, B) there was no surprise twist despite the tagline 'You won't believe how it ends....' and C) because they didn't appreciate Costas Mandylor's acting.
In response
A) The focus, as usual, is supposed to be on the story of Jigsaw and mission, not the assbandits in the traps, B) there was indeed a twist, anyone who honestly saw the ending coming either read the script or is lying, and C) I didn't see any problems with Costas at all. The role never had a scene where he had to show off his full range of acting skills, he basically played the part EXACTLY the same way he did in SAW IV, but he was on screen a LOT more, so maybe that's why people are complaining, because the central character was in it too much.
I won't ruin anything for anybody, except there obviously will be a SAW VI as Afro-Ameri Spawn has reported, and there are things left unfinished for them to address in the final chapter. Think back to when you watched SAW II.... Did you like it or hate it?..... Well, either way, SAW V is slightly better. Therefore, i submit that SAW II is STILL the worst SAW film, with SAW V just above it.
Burn After Reading
My girlfriend and i saw this last night. She found it hilarious and i admit it made me chuckle as well (it's just not my kind of humour). Unfortunately, the two best actors in the whole film ie John Malkovich and Brad Pitt never really get to really show off their skills. Literally, the only JM film i've seen is 'Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy' and yes i know, he's in it for 5 minutes and does nothing. Well in this he's in it for the majority and still does nothing. Brad Pitt's character could have been played by anyone. When he read the script he probably thought 'wow, what a cake walk' immediately. I was however impressed by George Clooney. Much like Francine Smith, i wanna cut the guy's head off, but he was actually great in this movie. Decent story, had a few laughs, but The Big Lebowski is still my fave Coen Bros movie.
Max Payne
FUCKING SHIT!!!!!
If you've never played Max Payne, and have no idea about the premise of Max Payne, by all means check it out and maybe you'll enjoy it. If you HAVE played Max Payne, you'll realise that there are only 5 things that make it acceptable to actually call this film Max Payne
1. The names and only the names of the characters
2. It's set in New York
3. It snows the WHOLE time
4. He suffers the same personal tragedy and is haunted by it (won't explain in case people don't know)
5. There is one scene with 'bullet time in it' but since the game came out before 'The Matrix' did, it's nothing special some 7 or 8 years later .
Mark Wahlberg does the character justice. It's still nothing like Max Payne, but because they didn't write the character to do what the character fuckin does in the game, you can't blame Mark, much like you can't blame Tommy Lee Jones for his god awful depiction of Two Face in Batman Forever, because hey, Schumacher wrote the character that way (the twat).
I did laugh out loud when i read that Mila Kunis was going to play Mona Sax, but i swear to god the character is made to be so pointless and trivial that she may as well have been played by someone from catering. She literally just turns up now and again and Max fills her in on what she's missed. Big-fuckin-whoop.
Quarantine
Well i watched the original [rec] and that was diabolical, and then i streamed Quarantine, the American re-make and it was essentially exactly the same in every detail that i stopped 1/3 of the way through. There is just SOOOOO many plot holes and impossibilities that it is shocking. I have to put a spoiler in to explain my point. The fire team enter the building with the film crew right? They go upstairs, there's an altercation, they come back downstairs and then suddenly the building has been sealed by a swat team which nobody notices until they try to leave, despite the fact that 80% of the residents are stood in the fucking lobby, and that all occurs within 15 minutes.
HOW CAN YOU SEAL OFF AN APARTMENT BUILDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, IN 15 MINUTES WITHOUT ANYONE EITHER INSIDE OR OUT NOTICING YOU DO IT?!?!?!??!? For christ's sake, you'd have to stand outside with a megaphone explaining to the public why you've just shut off part of a main road for starters.
Things like this happen in near enough EVERY scene of this movie and they get progressivley worse. Being a wrasslin' fan i can suspend my disbelief, but this film wants you to remove a large portion of your brain. Watch this if you want to see a terrible horror movie. It's the second Blair Witch style movie about zombies that's sucked major ass that i've seen. I shan't make the same mistake again.
Feel free to comment, if you've seen any of these movies, if you wanna disagree, and please feel free to thank me for preventing you from wasting 2 hours of your life.
