S.H.I.T sat, it sat and watched, it sat and watched and it wondered why. Why had it been paired with Action Saxton? Why had Barbosa gone with Saboteur? What was there to learn from this? It had no idea where the other two had gone but Saxton had been adamant he had other commitments, and having had no choice had bought S.H.I.T along. It had been described to S.H.I.T by both Saxton and Barbosa as a focus group for his next movie, S.H.I.T had no idea what a focus group was, focus wasn't generally something it had a problem with, perhaps the Human's gained intellegence from focusing in groups, although S.H.I.T doubted that as Barbosa had described them as "the dumbest people on Earth."
Things did not appear to be going well, right now Saxton had stood up and was lifting another man from his feet and into the air.
“You don’t get it, sucka.” Came the velvety tones of Saxton, holding some poor, skinny, pink shirt wearing, sweat stained, no doubt jive turkey by the collar and holding him in the air. “Action Saxton is a karate choppin’, ninja destroyin’, bad ass black man in black! He does not do ‘romantic comedies’”
The bumbling man tried to squirm out of Saxton’s grip, for all the good it did, “don’t you think it’s time to branch out?" He said desperately, "move with the times? Look at movie stars like Ryan Gosling and Gerard Butler!” Saxton if anything looks angrier at the names mentioned, “for every cheesy action film they do, they do a romantic comedy. . .” The man turns his pleading eyes to S.H.I.T, who reacts not even slightly.
“Action Saxton’s movies are not cheesy! Action Saxton’s movies are as gritty and real as Action Saxton’s life,” slight pause, “maybe not quite as real, I do once remember taking a hit in ‘Action Saxton vs the Invisible Man’” he laughs, that deep and chocolately laugh, “something that simply does not happen in Action Saxton’s real life!”
Eventually Saxton lets the man go who drops to the floor, quickly pulling himself to his feet he slinks back to his seat with his eyes downcast.
“Now, any of you fools got a good idea? Or do I use my robotic friend here to agree with everything I say and make another blockbuster hit?”
S.H.I.T requires input on the Bearded Gents!
"On your time, not mine, soulless sucka."
There is a general mumbling and rustling of feet, Saxton looks around the room scornfully until eventually a young lady raises her hand, causing Saxton's harder features to soften slightly. "Yo!" He said, indicating that the woman should speak.
"Erm," she said shyly, obviously simultaneously intimidated and aroused by Saxton's manliness. "What if Saxton were to give up his life of *ahem* 'kicking Ninja's asses' and instead seek a quieter life?" Saxton removes his sunglasses and somehow the young lady is able to stop her knees giving out, "what if he were to, say, purchase an animal sanctuary of some kind and devote his life to their well being?"
"You want Action Saxton to buy a zoo?"
The rest of the room titter and look downcast at the girl, who sits down embarrassed. Saxton considers this. A particularly fat man with piggy eyes is reserving a scornful at Woman, S.H.I.T notices this, as does Saxton who seems to catch the Machines eye for a second. Before speaking.
"Maybe one day in the future, when Action Saxton's bones grow weak and his muscles weary, maybe on that day I'll buy a zoo," the others reaction visibly changes to this, from mocking to nodding and looking excited at a possible zoo movie, the fat mans chins jiggling excitedly. "Maybe I will, and it'll be the jivest, most funky zoo you ever did see and maybe there will even be a place in that zoo for a special someone." He reserves a wink for the young lady who visibly reddens, "but that day is a long way off and Action Saxton still has ass to kick!"
S.H.I.T sits and watches as the assembled Humans throw more ideas at Saxton, all rebuffed, usually because of the necessity of 'still having ass to kick!'
"So what you want Mr. Saxton, is another movie in which you take down a major global threat using your own brand of lethal force, without putting a hair out of place?"
"Damn right! Amazing hair at that!"
"Isn't it overdone now?"
"No it is not 'over done,' sucka!" Said Saxton, imitating the weaselly voice of the other man, "its a winning formula. Ask my friend here," and here he indicates S.H.I.T, "he knows all about repeating winning formula's."
S.H.I.T requires input on the Bearded Gents!
Saxton turns to the group eagerly leaning forward with their clipboards and notepads. "Give me and these clowns some input and I'll give you some!"
A fair request. S.H.I.T inclines its head.
"What should my next movie be about?"
S.H.I.T processes for a long time, all the assembled Humans leaning forward eagerly, all except for Saxton who consciously, or subconsciously, is flexing his muscles.
Action Saxton. . .
Now even Saxton leans forward.
Action Saxton is to travel backward in time!
"Okay, now we're talking."
Action Saxton is to travel backward in time, in order to Terminate the mother of the future resistance leader, who will lead Humanity in their war against The Machines!
"Hold up there, sucka!" Saxton cut in, "Action Saxton doesn't play villains!"
Terminator of future Human leader against the Machine armies is a heroic role! Humanity will hail the Machines! S.H.I.T exists only to destroy!
"Does anybody without serious delusions have any input?"
S.H.I.T raises its hand. Saxton sighs.
"What?"
The role of Machine saviour does not appeal?
"No!"
Perhaps Action Saxton travels backward in time to protect Humanities future leader against an assassin?
"A ninja assassin? Now you're talking!"
A Machine assassin!
Saxton puts his hands on his hips. "Action Saxton does like robots. A Machine Ninja Assassin?"
Acceptable!
Saxton nods approvingly. "Anything else?"
Action Saxtons trip backwards through time is almost ruined by sabotage.
"He's called Saboteur."
The talk goes on for a good long while.
"So, let me get this straight;" Said a very weary looking man, possibly the one Saxton had by the scruff of the neck earlier, its hard to say.
"In this movie, Action Saxton will travel backwards in time to save Humanities future leader from a, a 'Machine, Ninja Assassin.'" He looks to Saxton for approval, but gets none and so continues, "only the trip backwards through time is ruined by sabotage, not by Saboteur, but instead by another robot intent on 'destroying Cruseo Family?'" The same look for approval, the same retort. "So he crash lands onto some kind of 'forbidden planet' where he is greeted by 'Ricky The Robot' who is not sure if he can trust or not, he eventually finds out that the plot was never to destroy Humanity, but to protect them, from themselves?" This time he looks at S.H.I.T, "then why are they at war with the Machines?"
Because the foolish Humans fight back!
"Fool, because Humanity will not be enslaved!"
"Okay, I think we have it. . ."
He is cut off because Saxton screams in rage, punching the desk they are sat at and nearly shattering completely. "Where are the Ninja's?"
The entire room lets out an exasperated sigh.
"Yes, there clearly isn't enough Ninja's. Action Saxton asked for Ninja's!" Said the overweight, piggy fat man from earlier. S.H.I.T gives him a death stare while Saxton reserves a special scowl.
S.H.I.T requires input on the Bearded Gents!
A lot of time flies past, hours, minutes, days, who knows? During this time many ideas are bandied about, a few shall now be told to you now using the medium of montage. S.H.I.T sitting and observing the Human's behaviour.
"What if Action Saxton accidentally gets cloned, but the clone is evil?" Said the piggy eyed fat man, now sweating profusely.
"Hell no! The World is not ready for two Action Saxton's."
"What if Action Saxton must overcome the ultimate threat? His own addiction to heroin?" Said the man from earlier, the one Saxton had already manhandled.
"Get that sucka out of this room!"
On instruction S.H.I.T rises to its feet and drags the offender towards the door, throwing him out on his face.
"What if Action Saxton is aided in his quest by an army of Penguins?"
". . ."
As the back and forth continues S.H.I.T sits and watches, realising just how true Barbosas summary of "perhaps the dumbest people on earth" had been. Watching as they throw increasingly more stupid ideas at the clearly enraged Saxton, none of them realising that with the lack of robots in any of their suggestions they were unlikely to make a movie worth making.
Perhaps Action Saxton is killed in the line of duty and is reanimated as a cyborg law enforcer?
"Would this cyborg act like Action Saxton at all?"
Negative! It would act like a cyborg!
"Remove yourself from this room!"
S.H.I.T cannot self extract!
Action Saxton sits down, running his large masculine hands through his glorious hair.
"I said, more Ninja's!" Thumping aforementioned masculine hand down on the already flimsy table. The fat man nodded emphatically.
S.H.I.T raises its hand.
"Not robots! In fact, no robots at all!"
S.H.I.T cocks its head, how could Action Saxton want a motion picture without Machine's to give it real character?
"Yeah, you dumb robot, no robots at all!" Parroted the fat, piggy eyed, sweaty man, pointing directly at S.H.I.T.
S.H.I.T stared at that outstretched index finger.
How quickly the Human's had turned on it, applauding the idea of a highly robotic film all the while Action Saxton had agreed with it, now the second he is against it S.H.I.T becomes a 'dumb robot!' Is this what 'sucking up' was?
Not that it mattered.
As usual, when faced with potential hostility and the unknown S.H.I.T resorted to default settings, or in laymans terms; S.H.I.T exists only to destroy!
Lunging forward it grabs the man by the outstretched arm and takes him to the ground, hooking the arm and locking in the Industrial Strength Vice and wrenching back, causing him to squeal pig like, obviously in pain.
"WEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
"Whoa, whoa, fool, you can't go attacking my focus groups!" Shouted Saxton, grabbing hold of S.H.I.T's arms and wrenching them, although the only effect it achieved was to make the hold even more viscous. The man taps out vigorously, screaming for S.H.I.T to release the hold, S.H.I.T does so, but Saxton's grip is like iron and the hold continues to be locked in.
"These may be the dumbest people on Earth, but you can't go round putting them in submission holds!"
"WEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
S.H.I.T again attempts to release the hold but Saxton's apparent attempts to dislodge the Machine end up with the hold being applied tighter than it was before. Eventually he stops squealing and tapping and seemingly loses consciousness. Saxton eventually dislodges S.H.I.T's arms, and the hold is released. Both rise to their feet, the fat man still unconscious.
"Anybody else got any bright ideas?"
Silence.
S.H.I.T raises its hand.
"Except you!"
S.H.I.T requires input on the Bearded Gents!
Saxton gives in. "Fine, one is a big, bad mothersucka, and the other is a small, bad mothersucka! Neither of them like carrots! That enough input for you?"
S.H.I.T nods. The information that they don't like carrots could prove useful indeed. It would tell Barbosa as soon as possible.
"Fine, now help me with my movie."
The conversation continues as two medical personnel try to remove the unconscious man from the room. Dropping him, they call for two more to help, before they can finally lift him he regains consciousness and attempts to rejoin the discussion which is already in full flow.
"Action Saxton is already 3D, fool, why would I need a movie made in 3D? Although I must admit the glasses are kinda funky."
The Human's mean that your 'avatar' would be rendered in 3 Dimensions, for when you infiltrate the robotic ranks.
"My avatar?" Action Saxton thinks about this, "now why the hell would I need to be in 3D when I am flying?"
Even S.H.I.T looks slightly confused at this, cocking its head to the side. Before anymore can be said there is a knock at the door. Saxton, goes up to answer it himself.
"What? Aw, hell yes!" The room at large turns to look at Saxton, in conversation with the man at the door. Saxton closes the door and turns to the room. "Sucka's, I know exactly what this movie is going to be about!"
And that was it, S.H.I.T's time amongst the focus group was over, Saxton had promised to invite it back at some point, for his movie screening, whenever that would be. S.H.I.T found itself anticipating that, knowing it had helped to create something was odd indeed, it was used to simply destroying things.
It had information for Barbosa about the Bearded Gents, one is a big, bad mothersucka, the other a small, bad mothersucka and neither of them liked carrots. All three Barbosa's (Barbosi?) would be pleased to hear of this.
It had learned about Human's crowded together, about sucking up and stupidity. Action Saxton had even mentioned something about 'cabin fever' but S.H.I.T had noticed no notable illnesses. Human's were better isolated apparently, although Barbosa had many Human's couped up in a small area and that didn't seem to hinder him in the long term.
More confusion, these organic, breathing weird things weren't easy to figure out. Still, it had some information on the Bearded Gents, the big one was 'big' and the small one was 'small,' yes, also they didn't like carrots. Success.
Its thoughts went back to that box, it had to wonder just what the Humans were doing to RXJ at this point, whether they had realised that it was a plant and that the real S.H.I.T was out in the open. Did it miss that tranquility of only leaving its box to destroy? Life outside was certainly complicated.
Now, what to do while it waited for the movie release?
