It had only been a few days since the Main-Event of Meltdown, where the Second City Daredevil had to fight who he considered his best friend, Mikey Stormrage in a Street Fight. A street fight where both Ricky and Mikey threw everything they had at each other, but in the end, Mikey prevailed. The loss was a blow to the ego of Ricky, who has yet to beat Mikey in any form of match. Like any other loss, Ricky was strong to shrug it off and look forward to what the next week will bring him, and unlike the Roulette rounds, Ricky could fully prepare for who he would face next.
We entered into an Adult Entertainment Store in Miami, Florida. Or how Ricky likes to refer it to as his first home town. Ricky was joined by his friend, Robert. Who had second doubts about what Ricky’s intentions on what he was doing in Porn Shop. He expressed his feelings aloud.
Robert:”Uhh Ricky, why on Earth are we inside a porn store? If you ask me, this is not a good way to spend your time licking your wounds.”
Ricky was wearing his usual street attire, which was a loose fitting pair of jeans, and a tee-shirt. However under his shirt were bandages. The injuries that still stung from the vicious attack his friend laid upon him. The Daredevil nodded his head and said with a smile.
Ricky:”Nahh man, trust me. This is the perfect place to help Krytpo fill out his fantasies.”
Rob stammered in confusion and looked over to his friend with a raised eyebrow.
Robert:”Wait, what are you doing with Krypto?”
Ricky turned around to face his friend; he put on a devious smile on his face and said to Rob.
Ricky:”Look dude, did you see the way Krypto was grinning and smirking at the way Sandy was beating him into a bloody pulp. I think the little dude is a narcissist. If we buy him some—“
Rob interrupted his train of thought and asked.
Robert: “Narcissist? Ricky, are you sure you are using the right word?”
Ricky simply nodded his head and responded.
Ricky: “Yeah bro, a narcissist loves to get beaten up, whipped, spanked, all that weird stuff. Are you judging? Because come on man, it’s 2013, can’t the little man just enjoy himself.”
If Robert rolled his eyes any harder, they would have fallen right out of his eye socket. He went along with it like he always did, knowing that later Ricky would be corrected by someone. After a bit of searching, Ricky walked up to the clerk at the cash register and asked the man.
Ricky: “Hey man, I gotta ask, this is my first time going through this kinda place, and I’m looking for a few things that a narcissist would like. Got any idea where I can start looking?”
The clerk tilted his head and asked.
Robert: “Uhh dude, you mean like mirrors, uhh, I have no idea where to start man.”
Ricky: “Noo dude, I mean like I am looking for things like nipple clamps, handcuffs, zip zappers, do dads, spiked paddles, candle wax, that kind of thing.”
The clerk listened to Ricky and then the light bulb in his head went off, finally piecing together what the informed kid was talking about.
Clerk: “Ohhh you mean you are buying things for a masochist!? That makes so much more sense, here come this way dude.”
The clerk gets up from his seat behind the counter and moves to a back room that was hidden with strands of beads. The clerk was followed closely by Rob, Ricky however got sidetracked by the beads and grabbed one and said.
Ricky: “Woah man, this is really cool. I gotta get these for my apartment.”
Robert: “Sure sure whatever man, can you hurry up, this backroom is starting to smell a lot like Krypto.”
The Daredevil nodded and caught up with Rob and the clerk. The clerk lead them to a GIMP suit hanging on the wall and said to Ricky.
Clerk: “This is the rubber man 5000, it is state of the art spandex, and between me and you dude, it makes you feel like you’re wearing a hose. This is any masochist’s wet dream.”
Ricky looked at the suit and nodded his head, scratching at his chin and asked.
Ricky: “I don’t think my friend would be able to fit in that suit, he’s a little on the short side.”
Clerk: “Ohh man don’t worry about that, you can custom order it. What’s his height and weight man?”
Ricky scratched his head and tried to answer the question.
Ricky: “Man I don’t know, maybe like four feet and 13 inches? Here let me look it up.”
Ricky then pulled out his phone and logged into WZCW.Com. After a bit of searching, he pulled up Krypto’s roster page and said looking down at the phone.
Ricky: “Oh hey, he’s 5’4, 200 pounds, how bout that? Chunky little person.”
The clerk was a bit skeptical but wrote down the height and the weight. Ricky looked at the picture on the roster page and then said aloud.
Ricky: “Oh wait, can we make sure the head piece thing gets fitted right? The dude has like a water cooler sized head.”
The clerk looked over to Ricky and said skeptically.
Clerk: “Uhh dude, are you pulling my chain here? There’s no way that dude has a giant head.”
Ricky: “Nahh dude, check it out!”
The Daredevil then pulled out Ricky’s phone and gave it to the clerk. The clerk saw the picture of Krypto and his massive head and said with disbelief, his eyes wide.
Clerk: “Wow man, I had no idea. He looks like a freaking alien. Who would cheer that guy? He doesn’t even look like a real person.”
Ricky: “Hey man, I don’t ask the why’s, I am just going to go in there and use his giant head as a trampoline. Ohh, make sure you get eyeholes nice and wide, the dude has water bottle sized eyes, its trippy man.”
Clerk: “Alright man, are you all set? Or do you want to buy a few more things for this creepy munchkin?”
The Daredevil looked around the store, the first item he picked up was a giant paddle which had written on it. ”Dunce” to which Ricky said with awe.
Ricky: “Ohhh man this is greatttt, this little dude Krypto was part of this mentor/mentee program. Which is the only thing that the little man was able to do in his career, and even then that wasn’t much of an accomplishment, the whole thing was a flop, and what better way to prove it then showing that Darren Bull of all people got third freaking place. Anyway, I’m sure he would love it if Sandy or some lady put Krypto in detention after being a bad boy. Let’s get this.”
With the paddle in hand Ricky continued looking around the store and found a pair of alligator clamps and said with a chuckle.
Ricky: “Let’s buy these, just so we can say that Krypto will be in a bit of a shock to get these. After all, ever since the mentorship program the little guy has been in going nowhere like a dead car. I think he would actually need a jumpstart with these bad boys. Who knows, maybe he could use these to power up his cardboard alien ship or whatever he calls a home these days.”
Ricky grabbed the clamps in the same hand as the paddle and looked about the sore, he found a ball gag and say with a grin.
Ricky: “Okay this is the last pun, but I think with this Krypto will enjoy biting on—“
Robert: “Noooo freakinggggg wayyyy!”
Rob then shouted as he was looking through the adult videos on the rack. A DVD in his hand labeled “The Piledriver.” Ricky and the clerk turned around and walked over to his friend and asked.
Ricky: “You know the last thing you want to do is shout in a porn store bro? It is already weird enough in here.”
Rob was unable to pry his eyes away from the cover of the DVD. He simply handed it to Ricky and asked.
Robert: “Do you… do you know who this is?”
Ricky grabbed the DVD from Rob’s hand and begain examining it and said with a careless attitude.
Ricky: “Oh you know, she is obviously some lady who had no self-respect for herself and enjoyed being railed by a bunch of dudes for mon—“
Ricky stopped in his tracks when he finally recognized the face that was on the cover.
Ricky: “M—Mom?”
Rob looked at the cover and said with shock and surprise in his voice.
Robert: “Your mom… it says your Mom’s name was the Sourpuss gum cuzzler.”
The Daredevil shook his head in disbelief. His phone then began to vibrate. It was a text from Mikey which read.
Mikey: “Your mom is a ****e.”
Ricky looked at the phone and then back over to Robert and muttered to himself.
Ricky: “Ohh hamburgers.”
